Menopause Matters Forum
General Discussion => This 'n' That => Topic started by: KaraShannon on January 25, 2020, 05:16:07 PM
-
Hi Everyone
I'm almost too tired to type this. I don't know if this is menopause related or my underactive thyroid, or the fact that my mum wants all my spare time, everyday, or the fact that I can't sleep well where I live due to neighbour noise, or the fact that so called friends have drifted away after I decided I wasn't going to put up with their projections anymore. Long story that one.
Today I got up, got dressed, went to the corner shop, got some healthy food, ate it, made coffee, drank it while online, thinking I need to wash my hair ready for it to be cut next week, and need to empty the bins.. very basic stuff and I still haven't done either. It's now nearly 5.30 pm, getting dark and even if I succeed in the hair wash and the bin empty, all I've really done before evening is get out of bed, eat, wash, and prepare to get back in it. When I read this it makes me sound depressed but I'm not depressed, just so fatigued. I am thinking of losses in my life, my dog, my friends, other family members, but not in a depressed way, more in a reflective way because these things have happened. I suppose what I'm trying to say here is I'm exhausted rather than depressed as I don't really have the energy to respond to too many 'are you depressed?' queries, though I appreciate the concern.
Anyone had days like this? Anyone with hypothyroidism that is so called controlled feel like this?
-
sorry to be depressing, I'm not always like this. :)
-
oh I really sympathise KaraShannon...not just days, I had years and years...very long story :(
Its the frustration of not being able to either get a thought or action a thought....it's like trudging through treacle! and then you wonder where the day has gone and on top if your really fall into the hole...dwelling on why you can't seem to get a grip of your life and other people seemingly can!! ::) Been there, done that, got loads of T shirts! ::)
Personally I reckon it's all 3 with you...hormones pay a mega part, combine it with underactive thyroid and lethargy sets in. (not that I have an underactive thyroid but I'm pretty sure someone who has would agree. If you have people stressing you out and taking up more time than you have to trudge through your own life...being a bit depressed as well wouldn't be surprising would it?
Well the news if it's any consolation there are loads of us here on the forum and else where who feel just the same so you are not alone and no... although they look like they can get a grip, those people who look like they re on top of their lives probably have plenty of days when they can't get a grip at all.
Anyway...write off today...tomorrow is on its way...it can only get better. Put your feet up and start again tomorrow my lovelyxx
You're not alone...know all those feelings well
-
Ladybt28, my bins have been emptied into bags and are by the front door, ready to go out, lol.
I'm debating a drive to get a veggie bolognese that will probably perk me up, but it means getting to the car which is a distance away and it's so cold!!!!
And I realised that I said in my first post that I wanted to wash my hair ready for cutting next week, as if I don't wash my hair very often! :o I do usually, every other day mostly, but I'm getting over flu and just thought I should wash it, and if I do, then the main thing is it just needs cutting, but I would normally wash before the hairdressers again anyway.
Ok, now to pick up those bags, get them outside and go get some dinner. Knowing me I'll come to life then and go to bed late. >:(
-
Humm...been there and done that too...having a rubbish day and then perking up when it's nearly over and staying up half the night coz then you're wide awake!
Glad to hear you finally achieved your goals for the day ;D ;D but so what if you hadn't?
If you are getting over flu no wonder you have dodgy days..
Veggie Bolognese....car and cold???? Nah...do you have freezer? Is there something in there? or maybe phone "Just Eat" ;) ;)
-
You've had 'flu! If it was the kind that should someone lay a 50.00 Pound note across the room and you couldn't even open one eye to look-see then that's 'flu. Add to that a thyroid function issue! give youself some slack ::)
Eat girl eat! Get some biscuits, cheese, beans ........ what do you have in the store cupboard that you could rustle up? When I need a hit I boil the kettle, open a jar of Bovril, pour hot water on and make some toast. That gives me enough energy to think about real food.
HORMONES >:( ..........
Get your store cupboard stocked. Get things that you can heat up quickly, nowt wrong with tinned foods. Porridge, fruits and nuts, pancakes - slow release foods are important. Scrambled eggs on toast?
What's the dynamic with your Mum? Close by? On the 'phone? Maybe put boundaries in place, it gets easier to say 'no' once you have got over any temper tantrums ;). "That's so not adult Mother!" you can put the 'phone down, blaming a break in the line.
Get some grub down you girl, Eat, Eat ........ bananas?!?
-
Hello KaraShannon
I've recently been diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis so I've been doing some research. I came across a talk given by Izabella Wentz who was found to have hypothyroidism after she missed an important 9am exam because she had fallen asleep at 3pm the day before. She now gives lectures on Thyroid function and has written two books. I agree that you may want to get your meds reviewed as soon as possible.
Wishing you well.
K.
-
Humm...been there and done that too...having a rubbish day and then perking up when it's nearly over and staying up half the night coz then you're wide awake!
Glad to hear you finally achieved your goals for the day ;D ;D but so what if you hadn't?
If you are getting over flu no wonder you have dodgy days..
Veggie Bolognese....car and cold???? Nah...do you have freezer? Is there something in there? or maybe phone "Just Eat" ;) ;)
Went to the corner shop :) I have a freezer compartment, waiting to move before buying a good freezer. I will stock my little compartment tomorrow, lol
I'd heard of Just Eat but never registered it, I have now, oh dear LOL
-
I think you may need your thyroid meds adjusting. You sound like the people I see on the thyroiduk site. X
Thanks Birdy, thing is I'm on 200 mcg and that's a lot. When I tried to take a bit more before I started getting heart flutters. That said, that was a year ago, I might need more now. One doctor said he has patients with up to 300 mcg but he's retired. I've left an online message with the nurse at my surgery to ask if it's time for another blood test as I'm feeling dreadful. The thing is I haven't had a period for nearly 2 months and I know my body is really trying to have it, if that makes sense. I usually have crushing fatigue 2 days before a period, but I've been feeling pre-menstrual for a month now, lol.
do people chat on the Thyroid UK site? I couldn't find any relevant place to talk, I'll go have a look. thanks :-)
-
Finally eating my microwaved food, lol. I'll respond again in a minute. Thanks for walking through this with me everyone, feeling better already (but no more energy, lol)
-
What did U choose to eat?
-
Tuna pasta bake ;D I prefer veggie but would have to go further afield, this will do.
-
You've had 'flu! If it was the kind that should someone lay a 50.00 Pound note across the room and you couldn't even open one eye to look-see then that's 'flu. Add to that a thyroid function issue! give youself some slack ::)
Eat girl eat! Get some biscuits, cheese, beans ........ what do you have in the store cupboard that you could rustle up? When I need a hit I boil the kettle, open a jar of Bovril, pour hot water on and make some toast. That gives me enough energy to think about real food.
HORMONES >:( ..........
Get your store cupboard stocked. Get things that you can heat up quickly, nowt wrong with tinned foods. Porridge, fruits and nuts, pancakes - slow release foods are important. Scrambled eggs on toast?
What's the dynamic with your Mum? Close by? On the 'phone? Maybe put boundaries in place, it gets easier to say 'no' once you have got over any temper tantrums ;). "That's so not adult Mother!" you can put the 'phone down, blaming a break in the line.
Get some grub down you girl, Eat, Eat ........ bananas?!?
There are lots of snacky things I could eat of course, lol. My mother lives nearby, the biggest problem is she won't do anything at all and just waits for people to visit and watch tv with her. She's actually a lot more able than that so it's annoying and exhausting. I'm gradually moving away, like today I didn't go there, but she really is isolated. She has family but they never phone one another and they are not that nearby. Occasionally they visit, but she seems to be a bit 'ritualistic' about me, like she hates to hear that I won't be going there 'tomorrow' she'd rather not know. Lots of weird psychological stuff with her. I'm aware of it, but also aware she's so alone, I just wish I could get her to connect with at least one other person locally. I had a lady who cleaned for me after an op and I got her to go to mum for a while, but mum told me she didn't want her anymore. She apparently doesn't clean properly. What is it with people as they get older? Well, some people. It was an opportunity to see another person and have a chat with someone and a bit of help with cleaning, it didn't have to be perfect.
Anyway, I'll spare you any more essay :)
-
Hello KaraShannon
I've recently been diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis so I've been doing some research. I came across a talk given by Izabella Wentz who was found to have hypothyroidism after she missed an important 9am exam because she had fallen asleep at 3pm the day before. She now gives lectures on Thyroid function and has written two books. I agree that you may want to get your meds reviewed as soon as possible.
Wishing you well.
K.
Thanks Kathleen, I've had this condition since 2000 and always felt ok on thyroxine, but my new doctor goes by the blood test whereas the old one went by how I felt. And because I'm now on 200 mcg I'm a bit reluctant to raise the dose without a lot of reassurance. But I've left a note with the surgery to have it all looked at again.
I've avoided a lot of the writers on the subject because they talk a lot about natural thyroxine and my doctors have all said it's not reliable, not easy to get the dose right, etc. I'm in the UK, I think they do more in the US. Also a lot of the tips that have been given I've tried, like taking selenium supplements (which I've heard carries a risk according to some studies).
I've heard of Isabella, would you recommend her books? If she has some interesting stuff to say that can make a difference I'll get her books. All the best :-)
-
You Essay away ;D
Your Mum will survive if you don't visit every day ;-). She's like many women who want to be looked after. Some have the attitude that they had babies to look after them in their old age!! If you put foot down with firm hand and go say, twice a week ? Maybe she tells her potential friends that you go so they don't feel the need to visit with her? After a few weeks you can vary the days that you go see her, letting her friends know that you have dropped off the visits. You don't need to justify yourself, a 'to protect my health and to allow me to do more housework' might be enough.
Some do like to share what's on TV. But that doesn't need to be you every day? Your Mum is alone because she wants to be, my is narcissistic so is never pleased: damned if I do, damned if I don't go visit. When we go she cleans her cupboards and drawers ignoring us so we leave earlier than planned which means that she can go back to the Sitting Room and watch the other residents.
-
That's funny because a lot of the time when I visit my mother she 'fiddles' in another room, I mean she will sit and chat, but she takes a long time with anything she goes out of the room to do, make tea, prepare some lunch, go to the bathroom, or even just take a plate out, she seems to take so long. Which is ok but I can't be sat there waiting for her. The minute I'm due to leave she starts getting into conversation.
I'm always left feeling like I haven't done enough. She won't phone her family because she doesn't want them to think she needs them. but she's ok with taking all from me. As I say I'm working on it now, have to I can't go on like this.
-
She probably feels comfy with your presence but this is a mis-use of power.
Gradual withdraw. It takes practice but your Mum is choosing to not mix. If you give in you won't build your Life and hobbies. That will give you things to talk with her when you do go. His Mum was the same: she would sit quietly or read but the moment we had to come home, a 2 hour journey, she would start talking at us. Even following us out to the car ..........
Will your Mum not accept help for make the cuppa? Mine never would and I can now see it was a ploy to keep me under control.
You have done plenty! If you lived 100s of miles away ............ I spent 45 mins with mine yesterday but she was beginning to repeat herself and was getting ratty about what the Staff don't do but which she thinks that they should do!
-
My mum has 5 brothers and sisters and in their family you look after the older parent. All she wants is someone with her, it doesn't have to be me, in fact if another member of her family comes to visit she's not bothered whether I'm there and doesn't even call. But she wouldn't want to 'annoy' them by phoning, which I think is ridiculous. It's ok to call for a chat from time to time. But she does seem to think that she needs support now and it should be me and I'm the only child. (she doesn't need support, she needs to get of her ass! lol)
-
All this time I didn't know, thanks! :)
-
Ever since I can remember my Mum 'doesn't want to be a nuisance' but will then moan about the whys and wherefores, most of which could be 'solved' if she got her a*** in gear! But solving isn't what she wants. She wants to be 'asked' and made a fuss of.
Which is why we have made a Life for each other and have hobbies that we can share, however, when we visit she asks 'how R U both?' but doesn't listen, nor is she interested, in what DH and I do together!
-
How you feeling today KaraShannon?
You need to look after yourself at this time.
Take it from me, who has looked after both sets of Parents. And still am! (MIL)
You have to look after yourself.
xx
-
Ever since I can remember my Mum 'doesn't want to be a nuisance' but will then moan about the whys and wherefores, most of which could be 'solved' if she got her a*** in gear! But solving isn't what she wants. She wants to be 'asked' and made a fuss of.
Which is why we have made a Life for each other and have hobbies that we can share, however, when we visit she asks 'how R U both?' but doesn't listen, nor is she interested, in what DH and I do together!
That's a shame CLKD. I think my mum would be interested in whatever else I did, but right now not doing much because caught up in the cycle of seeing her every spare minute. She has a big family, they are a couple of hours away, but they holiday all over the world, so I wish they could come up the road and see their sister. And I wish she'd go and see them.
-
How you feeling today KaraShannon?
You need to look after yourself at this time.
Take it from me, who has looked after both sets of Parents. And still am! (MIL)
You have to look after yourself.
xx
Thanks for asking jillydoll
I'm just overwhelmed, health stuff, and everything else I said. I don't really know where to begin to change things right now. It's all happened at once.
Going to get back to long walks and taking the time to do this. It might not solve all my health issues but it may push me in a better direction.
And yes, must have boundaries with my mum but she seems to just sit there and rot if I don't visit. She had flu at the end of october and then got another one at the beginning of january. She says she'll go out when she wants to. But she's not even getting dressed now. She said it's ok to be in your pyjamas all day if you are at home. While yes, I think it's ok if you're at home having a day off, or whatever, I don't think everyday in your PJ's is healthy. When I suggest we go out for lunch she says it'll take her an hour to get ready and I never want to wait for her. No, because she should already be dressed! We are talking 2 and 3pm when I suggest something, not 10am.
My main concern is my own health. In the last 6 months since my periods have started dragging their heals (and I'm nearly 3 months now waiting for it, I feel premenstrual but nothing) I've developed crow's feet around my eyes, just like that. No one warns you this stuff happens almost overnight. That's a minor thing (at the moment!) but so many other symptoms, and I suppose it's because I've had a difficult last ten years with circumstances anyway, that I don't want to lose myself, that is my health and youthfulness, just yet. But being selfish here I suppose.
Thanks for asking. :-)
-
You Mum has made her choices. Stop putting your feelings on her situation. Stepping back is important so that you can breath, that way you will have more to talk about when you visit. If she will listen, mine blocked me the last couple of times :-\
How do U feel overall?
-
CLKD, Sorry your mum has blocked you a couple of times.
At the moment my mum's had a bit of a shock with some medical tests. May or may not be serious, so I'm putting any changes on hold for a couple of weeks until we know what's what.
-
My mom has no friends and is always telling me how much she needs me. In the past I have got information for her on different groups she could go to with people her age but she has no interest. I love her but she gets me down, never has anything positive to say about anything. She is always trying to make plans for us to go out and do things but doesn't understand that with this peri hell I don't like to make too many plans. Would rather wait to see how I feel on the day. Also if I say I have been out with a friend she seems jealous Too be fair she is not in too good health but my neighbour who is 80 is worse than her but still manages to socialise. She is a wonderful friend as well.
-
Once the different groups etc. have been suggested, then step back? It is her choice? Would you want to be told what to do/go/meet with?
Also it can be manipulative, making 1 feel that we ought to 'do more'. Mine simply isn't interested in what we do any more .......
-
My mom has no friends and is always telling me how much she needs me. In the past I have got information for her on different groups she could go to with people her age but she has no interest. I love her but she gets me down, never has anything positive to say about anything. She is always trying to make plans for us to go out and do things but doesn't understand that with this peri hell I don't like to make too many plans. Would rather wait to see how I feel on the day. Also if I say I have been out with a friend she seems jealous Too be fair she is not in too good health but my neighbour who is 80 is worse than her but still manages to socialise. She is a wonderful friend as well.
I totally get this. It's hard when they don't see anyone else. I get the feeling mine is 'suffering' the time that I'm away and then only too eager to see me when I visit. But then on those visits she's almost sucking the life out of me because I'm all she's got and all she's seeing. She says she doesn't need anything else but she clearly does because of how much 'pull' there is on me.