Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => Personal Experiences => Topic started by: Redlocks on December 27, 2019, 03:47:26 PM
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Am I a failure if I cannot think my way out of anxiety?
I feel I should be stronger but I'm so scared and don't understand what's happening to me.
I'm sorry I'm such a pain - the HRT and fluoxetine are not stabilising me at the moment and I feel desperate. I feel convinced I won't ever snap out of this :(
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I just wanted to say to everyone I'm sorry for starting all these topics about the same thing, i.e. my situation. It isn't fair as so many are suffering, so I will just respond to those who have replied to the other topics I set up.
Again, my apologies - panic makes it very hard to think rationally.
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Stick to 1 if you can. :bighug:
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Thanks for the big hug CLKD! I won't start any new discussions, just had a panic attack that lasted pretty much all of yesterday and I wasn't able to think :/
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How are you feeling today?
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Hello Tinkerbell :)
Exhausted after yesterday but not quite as panicky. If this is hormonal then I officially hate hormones!
How are you? The women on here are so supportive and lovely :)
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Moves to the other thread :D
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Panic attacks are awful you do have my sympathy, i have had a couple in my adult life, thought i was going to get one when we were all herded off a tube train a couple of months back. I have been quite fortunate meno wise apart from the awful VA which has been my main symptom.
Pleased to hear you are less panicky today.
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Thank you Tinkerbell :)
At the moment I'm experiencing so many emotions in quick succession and it's exhausting!! One minute feeling much happier, maybe even hyper, then frustrated, angry, sad, depressed, bit nervous then really panicky...it goes on. It is very much like the last time I changed my dose but this time I'm more withdrawn. I really hope my consultant can guide me on Friday :/ X
Ps: I'm so glad your menopause hasn't been too bad (relatively) and that not everyone is suffering - that gives me hope!
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Take a list with you to discuss!
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I will! I'm putting together a list of pros and cons. It seems to be mainly cons right now tbh, and I'm so tempted to quit HRT altogether and just stick to the antidepressants while looking at other options.
But another part of me is telling me that if I give up after all this time I might regret it!
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Thank you, clio51 :)
I last increased my Prozac dose nearly three years ago. Antidepressants do help a lot, but at the moment it seems that the HRT is possibly stronger as I'm struggling to get much relief.
I can particularly relate to your last sentence as well - I just want to be able to sit still again, is that too much to ask lol? ;D
I felt normal again last night and, like clockwork, terrible this morning!!
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Evenings are often my best time too. Mornings can be hell :'( probably because my body lacks energy .......... answered your other thread too ;)
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I'm with you both on mornings! And that's exactly how I feel, clio51.
When I'm in a good place I generally look forward to mornings because I can get on with things, even if I'm not good at getting up early.
When I'm like this, I'm sure some of it is habit but it feels very physical.
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If I could summarise my pattern, almost like a simple equation, it would be:
Anxiety-thoughts-more anxiety-loss of appetite-more anxiety and depression...such a vicious cycle, and I feel paralysed with fear and scared to leave my bed even though I know doing things sometimes makes me feel better. I lose my inner drive that usually gets me through the day.
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Get out of bed and get going. Once the adrenaline begins to flow you will feel better. I used to hug the duvet but found that by getting out and pottering helped a lot. Even if it's making a cuppa and toast then standing to watch the birds on the feeders. As long as I have my long-distance glasses that is ::)
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I can completely sympathise with how you feel. I was exactly the same a few years ago, and I can still easily remember how dreadful it all is. In the end I had to go high on oestrogen (4 pumps daily) and very low on progesterone (only 100mg for 7 days per month) + 100mg of sertraline a day. But it took months before I could count on feeling reliably stable for more than 2 weeks at a time. It was very much one step forward, two steps back. But these last 2 years I have been going several months of feeling like my old self.
What current dosage are you on?
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Thank you GypsyRoseLee :)
Happy New Year! I know, the feeling of disappointment when you have several stable months and then feel like you're back at square 1 is hard to bear :( But I reckon recovery isn't a straight line.
I was originally on 100mcg Estradot patch (change twice a week) and 100mg Utrogestan tablets orally for 21 days out of each 28 day cycle, and I've currently been on that dose for the last 4 weeks or so after being on 200mg of Utrogestan for 21 days of my cycle. I think that was too much progesterone for me?!
I'm also on 40mg fluoxetine but that hasn't been controlling my symptoms since I adjusted my dose of hormones. Is HRT stronger than antidepressants?
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Hi Redlocks. When I get caught in anxiety loops I try and remember a cartoon that was on
a Headspace meditation App. It gets you to see your ' thoughts' as what they are (a chemical loop)
and the fact we get caught up in them that 'fuel' the anxiety chemical responses.
Basically all your thoughts are just like traffic on a busy road going back and forth. You are the person sitting by the road just watching them.Sometimes the traffic is busy and noisy, sometimes lighter - but you are not the traffic and you never follow the
traffic - just pull back and sit and watch it go past.
Another way of doing this is to make yourself look at things in detail or listen to sounds - just for a few minutes. It sometimes gives your manic brain a tiny rest. Even just put the Radio on super loud and force yourself to listen to it.
I find this a lot easier to do if I am in a good place hormonally and not so easy at 3am when I am panicking about something and
my cortisol is ranging.
Sorry if this sounds like complete pap. Just to say it is really difficult and sometimes you have to fight to do anything to get out of the hormonal downs.
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Sadly the anxiety hits without any thought patterns :'( I am floored almost instantly.
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Hi Redlocks
In my research and experience, the women who suffer mainly with the awful anxiety and depression during peri menopause (like us) are the ones most intolerant to progesterone. We've always been intolerant which is why we likely suffered with PMS and PND. But in peri it gets so much worse. It is a very serious, very real intolerance which can lead to suicidal ideation and anhedonia.
I would suspect that you are still on far too much progesterone for your body to tolerate, hence the awful panic etc. For reference, I only take 100mg of Utrogestan for just 7 days per month - but I take 4 pumps of oestrogel per day which = 100mg patch. My withdrawal bleeds are nice and light, and I have yearly utertine scans to check my womb lining, which is fine.
Prof Studd explained to me that women like us need more oestrogen than most, balanced with minimal progesterone, in order to feel good.
Could you ask your GP about reducing your Utrogestan to this low level?
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Hi Redlocks
I don't have any wise words or advice, but just wanted to say I totally understand that feeling of not being able to move from your bed. I've just managed to get up now, and looking around my house, it's awful, I can't seem to get to grips with it
I hope you start to feel better soon
Thinking of you
Jeepers xx
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Hello squeaker99,
Happy New Year! What you said was very helpful, and I get what you mean when you say it's easier to distract yourself when you are not in such a bad place! I find it easy to switch off...when I'm already switched off! But you're right, even a few minutes of ‘brain rest' can help.
I wonder if chemicals can actually cause thoughts? With mental health they say to change your thoughts, think positive etc., but could that be as useless as telling someone to stop bleeding if they have a cut? I find that whenever I'm in a bad way it's as if part of my brain is spitting out terrifying thoughts non-stop and I feel I've lost control of it. Sometimes these thoughts don't even make any sense and I know that but cannot stop.
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Hello GypsyRoseLee!
The loss of pleasure is the absolute worst :(
When I spoke to Dr Panay he said that if you are progesterone intolerant then it's apparent fairly quickly, which wasn't the case for me. When I reduced the 100mg of utrogestan from 21 days to 10 days each cycle I became very ill, suffering extreme agitation and panic.
But he said that he suspects the 200mg is too much for me. My symptoms are very similar to when I lowered the dose, but when that happened I found I could get some relief from lorazepam which didn't make me out of it but enabled me to carry on almost as if nothing had happened until I levelled out again. This time, whenever I've taken a lorazepam it's not really helped as much and I've not had the same dramatic relief, so I think it's interacted with the increased progesterone. Last time I had so much energy that I was agitated, and this time I've not really had any energy but have still been extremely anxious and panicky.
Sorry for the long post, but it's really helpful to chat to you guys and I'm able to journal my experiences.
PS: I replied to you on the other thread as well :)
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Redlocks. I was good to hear you say that. I have had a relatively good few months mentally, Christmas was fine. The last week I feel like I am a different person. On red alert, taking my pulse every 10 minutes, feeling my heartbeat, twitchy. I just want to go to A & E and have someone tell me everything is OK so I can just get on with life. I have had a few nights rough, tossing and turning sleep but even though I know that when you are tired you worry more I can't get my brain to do any of the things I tell others to do. Is it purely that I have less to distract myself.? Or the weather and not getting outside? Or spending too much time on the forum picking up worries?! Or just a hormonal shift? I know in my 30s and early 40s I never felt like this and it is crappy.
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Birdy, how are you getting on? It sounds like we have both experienced how our bodies react to too much and too little progesterone -finding a balance is so hard.
By the way what's DIM? :)
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squeaker99, I always find it's so much easier to give advice than follow it!
You said you had a few good months so has anything changed recently? Did you adjust your HRT? If so, when was that? Dr Panay told me that sometimes it takes a while for us to ‘feel' changes in hormones so you could be having a delayed reaction.
I may be feeling bad now, but I have to remember that when I last experienced a depressive episode like this I had a month where I felt I was really improving, and then I was at rock bottom again the following month and I was devastated. It was slow but I did recover - the ups and downs are exhausting but I think they are part of recovery.
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Jeepers, thanks so much for your kind words. I'm very impatient and I think we all want solutions and quick fixes, especially if we have been suffering for a long time, but having support and lovely sympathetic people to chat to is so important and I am extremely grateful :)
How are you today?
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:bighug:
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The dips are very hard but I don't think that for those of us who have had a rough meno journey, they ever go completely. Things even out and we feel ok for a while and then everything goes up the left again for a while. In the early days its a bit scary because you think that was the end of the good time and its never coming back but I found as you go on you realise that the periods of "good" do come back. I have had to change my thinking around it which is really hard to do because when you have been bad for nearly all your life and then you get to feel ok, you think its a fluke and get disappointed.
But for me the dips do pass and now I know they pass when they come they feel rubbish but my head doesn't go into overdrive thinking that my life is over! Its a huge re-education. What I would caution is messing with your hrt when you feel rubbish...that really doesn't help! In my experience, its the acceptance and trust that it will pass that has helped.
I'm impatient too Redlocks - I was at this 6 years before I got the right hrt (and 20 years of undiagnosed hormonal issues) and then it took 7 months for it to settle so I had periods of "well". Patience is the name of the game unfortunately for some of us......and tonnes of perseverance but as you all know I have posted before, there is hope, because I found it after about 20 years. xxx
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Agree about trying really hard to accept that blips happen, and trying not to panic that it won't ever go away. I am the Panic Queen each time a blip hits, convinced I will stay like it forever. I just can't seem to reason my way out of it.
Since finally getting into the right HRT and dose 3.5 years ago, I bet I've struggled through 12-14 blips, each lasting between 1 - 3 weeks. Some were really severe, though never quite as bad as before HRT.
My blips happen almost instantaneously. This latest time I was relaxing on the sofa feeling great. Then I reached over to my cup of coffee, and in the time it took to pick it up and bring it to my lips the nasty anxiety/dread hit! Really that fast. I've never come across anyone else who gets it like that?
What I find really, really helps is to keep a log of these blips, and a detailed list of symptoms and (most importantly) when they started and When. They. Stopped. So far, mine have always stopped.
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Thanks ladies.
These blips are bad - I took a trazodone last night as directed by the psychiatrist and it's been awful today - I feel hungover and now more anxious because of the dizziness, so I'm scared to go out! Been in bed pretty much all day, but I wanted to take something other than Benzos. I don't know what to do!
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Right, I've decided I'm going to take half the dose of trazodone as it seemed to help my anxiety somewhat but also made me very out of it today :/
Will take a little break from the forum while I try to get back on my feet. I keep agonising over whether it's hormones or not and for now that's just academic - I need to focus on what will actually help in the meantime.
Again, I'm so grateful to all of you and will report back! Hang in there everyone, and if you are feeling better then long may that continue!
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A belated thanks for this info, Birdy! I'm next seeing Dr Panay in April and I'll mention it, see if he thinks it might be worth trying :)
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Hi Redlocks. The HRT I tried made my anxiety much worse ( I was put on HRT primarily for my anxiety
as I had no other symptoms like flushes). I was told that my oestrogen was probably too high to start with or swinging from
high to low which may have fulled the anxiety. (This was from a NHS Meno ' specialist who wouldn't do any blood tests
though). So who knows. I did try some patches for a few weeks but felt manic on them . I had a very bad anxiety period during Peri for
a good year. It is a terrible place to be but it WILL shift. For me I had to get out and do some exercise or put the radio
on and paint a wall - just keep busy and keep not over thinking things. If you sleep is not good you will certainly feel
anxious during the day.
Please keep trying to find the positive. Just put something you like on loud - the Spice Girls, Barry Manilow, the Bee Gees
whatever. Bake a cake. Write a list of things that make you happy and try to do just one a day. What you are feeling is ' normal' for many unfortunately.
Ups and downs seem the name of the game here - magic solutions are the anxiety but just aren't out there - I have
looked. Hopefully the next generation will fayre better.
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P.S Ment to say I bought a Kindle/ebook on Positive Affirmations. What you were saying about
'thinking' yourself positive and less anxious. There is some truth in this I think but you have to
practise and keep at it. In bed I talk to myself in a sleepy slow voice and image my family all yawning around me.
I think ' you are so veeery sleep and can hardly keep your eyes open'. - it does work. It tricks you brain.
In the same vein just putting a forced smile on your face helps release some positive chemicals.I did this
during my Lidl shop and probably got some weird looks but I was feeling so rough that I tried to ' act' myself
out of it - kind of worked as I got the giggles thinking how funny must look with a rictus grin on my face.
I have had days when I feel so engulfed in anxiety I can almost taste it when all the above is very hard to
put in practise.
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I can get sudden dips. I am OK one moment and seconds later can be curled in a corner, shaking all over :'(
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Yes CLKD. The last two days this has been me. Got up this morning really anxious, an hour later a feeling of happiness then this afternoon went down and felt shaky then about four o'clock mood lifted again.
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Low blood sugar? How is your diet over 24/7 ?
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Preety good. Breakfast yogurt and banana lunch sandwich evening meal potatoes veg and meat.
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Hello ladies,
Thanks for your kind words. I've been given trazodone as I'm just completely overwhelmed at the moment. I freaked out the first time I took it last week but will restart tonight.
I'm just in a cycle of fear at the moment, fear of everything, but luckily I was able to visit my friend over the weekend. Now I'm back home and feeling like I can't cope with the simplest things that usually I could deal with fine! I saw a psychiatrist on Friday who said I need lots of psychological help. There I was finally wondering if maybe there wasn't anything deeply wrong with me and it was just hormones, but after what she said I feel lost again. Just down at the moment, but am hoping the meds will pick me up again.
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Hi redlocks
In 2017 I was referred to a physchiatrist as no anti depressants were touching the depression(no one had mentioned menopause to me despite me then approaching 51) I kept asking at work did anyone feel depressed thinking it may be that but the ladies I asked only had hot flushes and thats all I naiveily thought Menopause was, hot flushes. My mum had died young so no one else to ask family wise. Sertraline, Mitrazapine, Ariprozole and finally Venaflaxine 300mg! Nothing touched the depression off work for months (since left it) I sat looking at this physchiatrist and him at me telling me I was treatment resistant and no idea what to do with me. I was suicidal. Then one day towards end of Jan 2018 after finally being referred to a meno clinic and experimenting with different hrt, tablets and then gel. I got up to 4 pumps and I was well, joy returned, planning thinking ahead not hiding away, was interested in other people again, even liked them as I had felt sad, mad, scared now I felt glad to be alive. For me it was obviously hormonal and I needed to get up to the right level. I had suffered depression in the past from around 20 due to bereavements, infertifilty failing etc but that was always put right within months with anti depressants so this time I was totally terrified, hated myself, guilt continously that I was a burden on my family, failure, what was the point of me being alive etc etc all those negative words that go through your mind. The past was all negative in my head, the present and I had no future. Then I was well again. Do not think you will not get well, you WILL its just getting the right balance of treatment and it takes time and its hard because we all want to be fixed and well, so badly. I stayed well and even reduced the pumps to 3 around end 2018. I am curruntley having a blip for some reason. I am going to have a blood test hopefully this week and have increased about a week ago up to 4 pumps of gel.
Its scary its awful its a waiting game for things to turn around again but things do turn around again you just cant put a time on it but never give up becuase it may not be this week or next but it will happen! I was at the end of the road and it turned around and it will for you.
Take care x
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Thank you Bring Me sunshine.
A great post.
Thanx for sharing, and hopefully some ladies on here will read it and have some hope again.
Hope you start to feel well again quite quickly.
Let us know plz.
Jd xx
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Hi JD
I absolutely will share anything that gets me back up again and living in this rollercoaster life!!
This is a quote sent to me years ago when I had never even heard of menopause but was going through a depression after my dad had died.
This guy's walking down the street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep he can't get out.
A doctor passes by and the guy shouts up, 'Hey you. Can you help me out?' The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole and moves on.
Then a priest comes along and the guy shouts up, 'Father, I'm down in this hole can you help me out?' The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on.
Then a friend walks by, 'Hey, Joe, it's me can you help me out?' And the friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says, 'Are you stupid? Now we're both down here.' The friend says, 'Yeah, but I've been down here before and I know the way out.'
I know we are all different and not one treatment suits all (if only) but there is a treatment and it will work and whatever we can share can only help and thats why this forum is valuable to so many people. I feel guilty as I hadnt been on for months and months because I was so busy living but you forget that women are still going through hard times and then new ones come along its for ever going but so grateful for it. xxx
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Ace Posts - Bring me Sunshine! :) I don't know where I would be or would have been without the forum. I too was like you with the life stuff but AD's didn't fix it ever and my peri/meno was horrendous but there is light at the end of the tunnel if you can find the will to keep going. For some of us though there is no other alternative than to keep going!
So glad to have you back with us on the forum. Like the "hole analogy" its brill :)
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Brilliant words. You know you are not going mad when you read of so many ladies suffering. If it wasn't for this forum I would think it was just me because every lady I have spoken to face to face have just had one kind of HRT and it has worked for them. I look on here and it isn't just me even if my doc says your HRT should work so it must just be my nerves and not the menopause.x
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Hello ladies,
Thanks so much for your words of encouragement. Apologies that it's taken me so long to reply, it said there was an issue with the server whenever I tried to log in over the last few days.
Bring me sunshine, I started writing a reply to you yesterday but then the power went off and I got frustrated! So here I am now :)
I cannot imagine how utterly heartbreaking it must have been for you to be told that you were treatment resistant. That phrase is so unhelpful, can only make someone feel more hopeless, and just means that that particular consultant didn't know how to treat you. I'm sad you had to go through that, but sharing your experience with a stranger was incredibly kind and brave. Thank you.
You say you're having a blip at the moment - how are you doing today? I'm wondering if it's because you altered your HRT in October and you're having a delayed reaction?
I'm feeling on the verge of panic at the moment but I started a low dose of trazodone recently and I think that may be stopping it from getting completely out of control. I'm hoping to use it short term until I adjust to my HRT regime again, fingers crossed.
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Bring me sunshine, I mistakenly said you changed your HRT in October, and just looked over your post again and realised you said you did back in 2018 - sorry! I don't know if changing your dose of HRT can affect your mood a year or so later, but hopefully you will feel better after increasing to 4 pumps of estrogen again.
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PS: I could relate so much to what you said about how you felt in your post - I've had very similar thoughts and feelings.
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Countrygirl,
I think I know what you mean about it feeling 'different'.
I had 'glimpses' of my old self yesterday - I'm still not feeling right but I understand that I won't be for a while yet. These things really do take time.
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Group :hug:
that tale should be a sticky!
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Hi Redlocks
How am I doing today? Horrible day. You are right I altered my oestrogel dose from 3 to 4 only because the breast consultant was so against it I thought well if I wean myself down to say 2 then that seems a good level to stay on. I didnt have breast cancer thankfully. I was very resistant at first to going on hrt as my mum had died of breast cancer in her early 50s many years ago. However I was told I was no more at risk as onyone else.
I honestly had not experienced any blips only ones where I had to have a breast biopsy Oct 18 and hysteroscopy feb 19 and you are fearful until told its all okay. I thought like one of the other posts titles"I had cracked it". How you can never take anything for granted. So I increased the pumps to 4 not quite 2 weeks ago. On Tuesday this week I had a glimpse of me. I had a drs appt where I was hoping to get a blood test to see if there was any obvious reason I had dipped. Whether my testosterone levels had dropped as when I had a blood test a few years ago they were on the low side. Because i got well on oestrogel alone then I never looked at that. I am on my 3rd Mirena coil and have tolerated that well over the years, the odd spotting, which I still get. It would have been easier asking for cannabis than a blood test, not a chance. Although she did say that she would write to the meno clinic i am on the list to see (no idea when yet) and see what they say. I cant afford to go private as you can see from what my job is now below.
So Tuesday I felt like I could be me again if Id bumped into anyone at the drs I would have been able to speak and not have that sinking feeling saying Im fine , if asked !! Worst word ever. I went to the Spurs V Boro game in London with an 87 year old friend. That was hard work but I did it. Could I do it tonight.... not a chance!!
Wednesday sunk tearful had to meet some friends a bloke friend I had to return football tickets to and an old friend from work who looked impecbbly dressed talked on and on about the old times at work. I could hardly speak or join in the conversation I just wanted to get home and cry, horrendous feeling. All i could remember about the old times was being depressed due to how my brain was feeling.
This morning I was due to run with a friend and then do some weeding at said doctors. I work as a gardener now for a friend (8 girls work for her) after leaving my job back in Jan 2018 (pensions admin 28 years) due to this bleeding menopause!! I had never cut grass or weeded much in my life! The nice side of menopause unexpectely can make you make a change in your life. I havent got much money but its nice to work in nature. I had a night sweat around 3 am I woke and that always was the time before I could set my clock on it happening. I just couldnt sleep over analysing things. Felt dreadful on waking and I couldnt do all the plans i was crying sorry for letting everyone down, cant live like this, why was I born all that crap that comes out of your mouth when your brain has gone menopausally depressionly wonky. and I got up around 10.30 am. Waited 3 hours for the dr to say she had emailed the clinic and would call me next Thursday. You cling on to anything that can get you out of this chronic state.
And so all I can do is wait patiently and hope tomorrow is a better day and keep going as there isnt any other choice. You wouldnt wish this on your worst enemy.
Funnily enough when I was well I hosted some menopause cafes, I think 6 in all. Today I got an email from the lady who started them off in Scotland, Rachel Weiss. She asked me if I wanted to attend a festival in Perth and also do a conference call sharing all the positives from the cafes etc..... I sadly said I really couldnt not at this time. I couldnt recall any positives I know thats rubbish as there were lots but thats what my brain is telling me. I said if and when this blip clears I will be in touch........another title"How to survive a blip and live to tell the tale".
I will share anything else that happens that is positive xx
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I found that when you get "the glimpses" you are on the right track. I got them and then they went. In the beginning I thought they were a fluke and then they started getting closer together until I realised one day I had gone a whole week...without feeling absolutely awful. I wasn't absolutely wonderful either but just ok! After that you have to get used to feeling "ok" - its a bit of a shock and it comes and goes a bit but by and large it gets to being "ok" on a regular basis. xx Hang on in there people!!! xxx
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Ladybt28
OK sounds ok to me. I would take that anyday. Thank you xx
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Hi ladies
i havent started a new post as it leads on from my posting on the subject above following a blip around nearly a month ago.
Before the blip i was so lucky to have had nearly 2 years well on the mirena coil and 4 pumps of gel reduced to 3 back in Oct 18. The blip took me by surprise I started getting night sweats again and waking around 4am not sleeping from then, very tearful, withdrawing socially, negative feelings, no joy, cant plan ahead all that rubbish and negativity. I was also bleeding heavily. The bleeding turns out to be a fibroid so I can live with that.
My next battle was to get a blood test finally and it was hard work I had one yesterday the doctor just rang and threw me into a crying hysteria. I was hoping that it would show my estradiol level to be low again to expain the blip. When I was first diagnosed menopause in early 2017 the reading was 115. I had a reading of 220 in january 2018, then started on 4 pumps of gel and a few weeks later I was well, but never had another reading so dont know what well was. The dr said the level is 357 and she said thats a good reading and no need for any more oestrogel stay on 4 but if you remain unwell for aonther 10 days to go and see her and she will put me on anti-depressants. The same anti-depressants that never touched this back in 2017. 4 different ones I was on.
When she got off the phone I just sunk to the floor in tears of desperation. I have to go now and pick up kids from school so have had to do a masterclass on my saucer like cried out eyes. I honestly feel like I dont know what to do next I thought I would have an answer, was i expecting too much.
Its so hard this journey.
Thanks for listening x
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Oh Bring me Sunshine....just when you think you know what it is the rug gets pulled. However, see the bleeding and the fibroid....you have been worried and the worry won't help your moods. Has there been anything else going on? I would be like you having years and years of depressive episodes and AD's but I gave them all up. I have managed 4 and a bit years without them now and my hrt is pretty stable (or so I thought). I am still in a bit of a blip and wondered where I went wrong but I don't think I went wrong, I just think that things tend to catch up with me a bit. It was pretty stressful before xmas but I was ok, I think it's a bit of a reaction to the stress. That's why I ask is there anything else going on.
Also I am on testosterone and I dropped a dose of that off a while back, so I have put it back on. My thought processes were much sharper when I started it in the first place and I had more energy. Are you on testosterone BmS? Rather than AD's if you don't have it maybe you can make a case for trying it and see how you go?
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Hi Ladybt23
Thank you so much for replying.
Here is a copy of a reply I just received from the redhotmamas site ( a free site-in America)
Thanks for reaching out to Red Hot Mamas. Dr. Mary Jane Minkin has sent us her reply regarding your concerns. Here is what Dr. Minkin had to say:
Dear Julie,
Indeed the level of estrogen sounds reasonable. The major gyn explanation that I can think of is that you are not fully menopausal-and that you are having some fluctuations of estrogen levels-but that is difficult to ascertain at this point. (and fluctuations can play some role.)
People can have endogenous depression-everything in their lives seems great-but they can still get depressed-and the question here is is that what's going on here. So I think exploring-and consideration of anti-depressant therapy is quite reasonable.
Best of luck, and I hope you feel better soon.
Mary Jane
It makes sense I suppose if you can make sense of anything in this menopausal journey. Nothing else is going on, but like you I felt the stress running up to Christmas but just like everyone else. It just came out of the blue. I had one good day last Tuesday and like you have said before it feels like a fluke now but perhaps it was the hormones spiking in for one day. Cruel in a way! I so wish I had a normal wired brain. Testosterone has never been mentioned. I dont think I had any symptons back in 2017 that required the need. The level was a bit low but I got well on oestrogel so they left it like that. Something to consider if I make it to May and the meno clinic appointment, feels like years to wait when you are desperate.
You have done so well a 4 years and a bit break from anti depressants. I did view them as life savers in the past but when they didnt work for me 3 years ago I lost faith and confidence in them. However I will consider them again if I have to continue living like this as you feel like a stranger in your own house, bit like a zombie. I dont like it.
And the journey goes on thank you xx
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How old are you BmS? I have looked at the previous posts but can't seem to see?
Testosterone is a bit of a hit and miss thing. It has been proven that us women have certain amount of it and it has been decided that it certainly plays a role. Some GP's totally ignore it and others are open to women asking. Normally it would come as an idea from consultants but that's hit and miss too. Some think its a good idea others just arn't up for it. I got mine on the NHS.
The thing is, I think that when we start in peri we need one level of stuff and then as we move through our own hormones spike and drop and spike and drop more until everything gets out of balance again. Your symptoms in 2017 might not have warranted it but it's January 2020 now so maybe you should consider it? I gave me more energy, less zombie symptoms, more focus, better thought processes and brought back my libido which had totally disappeared. I still had the zombie type thing without it.
The AD's never really ever worked for me and I have been offered them since but I will never take them again but if you know yourself well enough then you could try. I would add in some testosterone to see what happened before AD's but then I have become somewhat anti AD's in case you hadn't noticed! ;D
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Hi there
i will be 54 in June. I too feel like you regarding anti d's lost both faith and confidence in them when they failed to work (4 times) but I will do anything to be well so may have to consider them again. I shall mention the testosterone to the dr when I go in a couple of weeks, mind you the battle I had to get a blood test for the oestradiol level god knows if they would do one but I shall mention it no harm, anything at all to get well.
Thank you again and long may you be well even if it is an ok, that I would take any day of the week over this derangement.
Thanks again for your kindness it means a lot when you feel so isolated even though its much of my own doing. xx
My little picture against my name is so true "The menopause is easy........said no woman ever" well not the women on here
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Oh no need to feel isolated...post away...anything and everything..it does make it easier. Just get it out of your head! By the way I have never had any blood tests for any of my hormones in 11 years! My GP goes on "controlling symptoms" so testosterone test isn't a necessary. Check out menopause guidelines for prescribing...forgot to ask what country you are in? Anyway there will be guidelines on prescribing, see what you can find and then just ask for it.
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Bring me sunshine, Ladybt28: how are you both doing?
I haven't been on the forum for a bit as I've been very up and down. What I'm going through at the moment feels like heartbreak and I'm scared I?ll never feel well again. I'm even crying as I type this!
I was given trazodone but 'that's been making me feel weird and I'm scared to take it! I've been doing what I can otherwise - hanging out with flat mates, seeing friends, and I saw the nicest lady for a mindfulness session on Monday. I just wish I could snap out of this, find a job and have a life again.
I sympathise so much with what you have been saying - I thought I had cracked it with the hormones and that they explained my severe difficulties with my mood, but as I said at the moment I just don't know. My estrogen was over 1,000 during my last blip so I thought that explained a lot, but I had a blood test recently when I was feeling awful and it was just over 500 - completely normal. Then again, my consultant said that blood tests only give you a snapshot and can change quickly, and you may feel the effects of a certain level of hormones days later.
My iron levels are now fine; last year I wondered if that might have been affecting my mood because they were low, so that hasn't changed how I feel. I'm scared because I don't know what to do.
Apologies for the rant, I just feel so hopeless right now.
X
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HI Redlocks. I just wanted to completely empathise with your post.
I have been in Peri Menopause for about 4 years and have days/weeks when I feel
mentally very down; anxious, mind churning on stupid stuff, just hard to get joy from life.
After seeing countless GPs I too feel that hormone ' churn' / fluctuations play a large part with me,
I can see there are patterns to how I feel and sometimes I feel 'fine' and think the bad days have gone away.
I don't think for me there is a magic pill to make things better ' for ever' as it were - keeping busy, trying to enjoy days
24 hours at a time, even putting music on can all help a little.
Without getting maudlin I think there is a mental realisation that I am not going to suddenly turn back time and regain the
body and mind of a 30 year old. Acceptance of this is probably key for me but part of me isn't there yet!
In the meantime I bake, walk, have joined a few new groups and try and keep distracted.
You are certainly not alone and I hope in the future there is more long term effective understanding and options for mid life women.
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Hi Ladybt23
Im in the UK, Bucks area but hail from the North East.
I wasnt going to post today as didnt want to tempt fate I was going to leave it a few days to see how I felt but when I saw your post Redlocks then I felt I must to give you hope again.
So to recap for almost a month now I have been in menopasual hell, except for one day, last Tuesday. I had had 2 years of being well (no blips) and when I read stories here then I think I have been one of the fortunate ones and took it for granted that it would stay that way forever. Never take anything for granted. This next bit is going to be long but if it helps one person then its worth it.....
To recap a bit further back I had suffered depression back in 1986 when I lost people close to me, sadly the husband I was with at that time did not believe in antidepressants when I was prescribed them in 1987 and put them down the toilet. I somehow got well by doing exercise sort of never completely well, desperate times and then I spent the 90s having ivf/icsi treatment 8 in total all failed, more depression, no tablets. I had a complete breakdown in 1998 anti depressants & counscelling saved my life. I am a big fan of anti depressants. I needed them again through a divorce and again when luckily I did end up pregnant but got post natal depression couldnt even enjoy that to start off with , which I had wanted from the age of 20. Anti depressants always worked for me the mistake I made in the late 90s was as soon as I got well (between 6 weeks to 3 months) my then husband the one who didnt like them told me to come off them and after about 6 months without them, I was ill again. When I finally used them properly they kept me well. I can also see that I have been lucky with them, reading ladybt23 posts about anti depressants.
After being off them for about 6 years my dad got ill and sadly died and I was flung back into depression 2013. I ended up on sertraline 200mg and it took 3 months to get well with time off work (always had to take time off work to get better). I then stayed on them, The dr said as I had had quite a few bouts of depression to stay on them long term. I was more than happy to do that to keep "well".
Around October 2016 my mirena coil had gone past its 5 years but the dr said its fine just keep it in it still acts as a contraceptive which was why I had it in the first place and because periods were heavy. Now despite me still being on 200mg of sertraline I started to get all the old feelings of depression back couldnt understand it. The dr said sometimes anti depressants just stop working and no time was menopause mentioned. I was then 50 would be 51 the following June. I wasnt having any periods due to the mirena coil. I hadnt had a hot flush just depression and anxiety feelings but I think I was waking up around 3 am and having the odd night sweats. Then followed a year of hell 2017. I was put on every anti depressant known to man, NOTHING touched this depression after always being helped by anti depressants. I mentined before that they sent me to a pyschiatrist who had me on 300mg of venaflaxine by then (which is a lot only a pyschiatrist can prescribe that amt so I was told) still depressed. He said I was treatment resistant. I was suicidal I have no idea how I didnt end up under a passing lorry when I left his office I thought my life was over.
In between all of this a friend suggested could I be menopausal (halleluyah).
I then started reading all about Carol Vorderman and her story and it sounded like me. Armed with all this I went back to the dr and had a blood test my oestradiol level was 115 they told me I was post menopausal and gave me a new mirena coil and I was put on premarin(absolute rubbish for me) highest level (did nothing) , elleste solo 1mg, 2mg (nothing) 3 mg within 2 weeks I was well.
After 7 months off work I was completely utterley back to normal nothing to do with the anti depressant (weaned off it) all to do with the right level of oestrogen. I went back to work cured......Then I started to get awful migraines the menopause clinic (I had got a referral took ages) said I cant take tablets they were clotting hence the migraines and I should try gel (oestrogel). I changed over 2 pumps absolutely plunged back into depression again but now I was back at work, doing training courses, presentations, I had to fake it I just couldnt go sick again. They put me on 3 pumps of gel my levels were showing 220. Still depressed and after 28 years in a job that I really didnt mind and paid well, I quit I just felt I couldnt do it anymore and didnt want to go sick again. I was put on 4 pumps of gel and probably within a month around end of Jan 2018 I was well again. I could have waltzed straight back into work and carried on with my job as right as rain. The hell of hormones. I have since started to work for a gardener (never even cut my own grass before or weeded!!) working for a friend, money isnt great but its lovely being outside, though not at this time of year!! I dont regret leaving the other job.
In Oct 18 I reduced to 3 pumps as had a breast biopsy(all fine) but thought I would come down a bit and I was fine until a month ago, around when you first started this post Redlocks, I got ill again.
I went to see the dr didnt know me or even bother to read my history(my dr had retired) I hadnt been to the drs in ages when I was so ill they didnt even have to ask my name when I rang I think i rang daily and the samaritans, employee assistance line anyone that could help me get out of depression. She wanted to write a prescription for anti depressants despite me telling her that they hadnt worked for me back in 2017. I asked for a meno clinic referral (that is in May--when I tried to speak to someone there, a very cold receptionist said no one can speak to you we have limited resources you have to wait till May) I was in floods of tears I then said I doubt I will still be here in May (not really meaning it but so desperate and she said call your dr then!!)
I put myself back to 4 pumps of gel almost 3 weeks ago now. I had another blood test the day before yesterday which showed my level of estradiol to be 357. The dr rang and said this is a good amount it is average, normal, whatever normal is and that I shouldnt do anymore gel but wants to see me in 10 days to go on anti depressants.
Ladybt23 I can totally see now why you have not had your hormones tested and why a lot of drs dont like to test because of fluctuations. I was hanging on expecting my level to be under say 200 which would to me explain the blip because like everyone else who is ill we need an answer and a solution. I was hysterical I said to her anti depressants didnt work for me before oh my god Im not going to get well, she said to come see her in 2 weeks. i got off that phone flung myself to the floor sobbing absolutely hysterical thinking this is finally it now there is literally no hope. If they are saying its not my oestrogen levels and they want to put me on something that never worked before I am well and truly (without swearing) finished. it was just like being told you are treatment resistant back in 2017. I managed to fire off a couple of emails to Heather Currie and Mary Jane Minkin hrt experts and to this forum in absolute desperation. The answers were helpful regarding possibility of testosterone(never mentioned before but as i had been well we never went down that route) and MJ Minkin said perhaps anti depressants may be worth considering as you go further into this menopausal journey. It was also clear that hormones do still keep fluctuating. I calmed down a little.
Through the nght I usually wake around 4 am and cant go back to sleep(overanalysing negative stuff) thats been the pattern since this blip(around a month), I woke at 5.21 exactly and thought thats not too bad, did I have that feeling of doom in my stomach as usual, no it wasnt there. Dare I think I actually feel better.....?
Today I am totally 100% back to normal. Caught up on emails, silly little jobs I had left, talked to a friend, did a bit of garening, for the first day since the Tuesday (I was well last week-although it didnt last a full day) I didnt cry nor do I want to. The zombie, the stranger I have been for the last month has gone and I am back! So what has happened you tell me but all I can think of is the 4 pumps of gel have started to work and it has just tipped me back into the normal coping world again? i dont know and the thing is I dont know whats going to happen tomorrow if the zombie will return, havent a clue. But like Squeaker said you have to go with it and take each day as it comes in this crazy menopause world.
Sorry its so long my fingers ache now. I will keep you posted (shorter posts). The morale of the story is keep shouting for help. The level of oestrogen is different for us all, whats normal for one person and gets them well, someome else may need triple that amount. Like ladybt23 said you have to treat the symptons. We all deserve the right treatment as we all deserve to be well and live in this often shite but often wonderful world xx Dont ever give up!!
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Squeaker99 and Bring me sunshine, massive thanks for your kind messages. I'm still not well and had probably the worst panic attack yesterday since I've been anxious, but fortunately it passed in the evening.
I'm trying not to use the forum too much at the moment as I don't want to give myself information overload, but I wanted to know how you guys were getting on? Hope you are OK, it's so horrible feeling like this.
As I said, I don't know what I need at the moment, or if it's even hormonal. It appears that I got severe anxiety when I lowered my usual dose of progesterone and then I got severe anxiety when I increased my usual dose of progesterone. I cannot deny that I've had severe episodes of anxiety in the past, but then again hormonal fluctuations and PCOS maybe played a part in that. I have now been on my original dose of HRT for two months, so perhaps it will settle at some point.
X
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Bring me sunshine, can I just add that I was incredibly moved by your post. You have been through a lot and I admire your strength and the way you reached out to me to give me encouragement even when you were feeling unwell yourself.
I agree with you on antidepressants, they have saved my life but they are not working right now. Do you think that could be to do with the hormonal fluctuations when i tweaked my HRT? The fluoxetine has kept me level for a long time but as I said it's not making a dent in my depression right now. There were two other occasions in the past when my antidepressants didn't work so well, but I wasn't taking HRT at the time, so I don't know what that was about (could've been my own hormones, who knows). I think I wanted a physical explanation because I've been embarrassed about who I am - feeling so anxious when others are able to function has often left me feeling inadequate. But then again the way I see it, most people can eat nuts and yet we don't tell people with serious nut allergies that they?re pathetic!
X
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The trouble with HRT medications is they are a "slow burn". It's not like taking a paracetamol or a week of antibiotics. those of us who are very sensitive to changes may get an immediate reaction good or bad but that doesn't mean that it will stay that way longer term. When we feel so ill we are looking for quick fixes but there are none in HRT and sometimes the tweaking and waiting goes on a very long time. I was practically psychotic with anxiety, panic and I have written that I was running away in the middle of the night with a fixation that I needed to get on a plane to visit my friend in England, plus I was only sleeping 3 hours or so. It took loads of tweaking and heaps of patience and a total of 7 months after I thought I had it right for it all to go away to a mild or nearly gone level and for me to feel "well". Now that is "well" against what I had been through...the average person would not necessarily think I was "well" by their standards, but I am alive and I can now have a life and when I get "out of bonk" I know that if I stick with what I am doing and am not persuaded to panic and look for an answer (cos ususally there is none :-\) and start messing around with doses and stuff then it will come back again.
Redlocks - don't avoid us on the forum, keep posting...it is so much better to get the rubbish that swirls around in there like a washing machine on speed out onto a piece of paper so to speak than it is to hold it all in and struggle on your own. You are not pathetic and there is no need to be embarrassed. Believe me I was not functioning, I was certifiable! but it did get better...just not quickly xx Chin Up Hun...talk to us xx
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HI Redlocks
Ladybt23 is right if it helps to post, post away you are NOT pathetic this menopause and hormone fluctuations is!!
You asked today how I am. You may not have seen a post I made yesterday to MICihope under "at a loss what to do re hrt" as I felt so sad she was hurting so much too and I identified with her and you and most of the women on here. Here it is for you with an update on me from last Friday. All i can say is dont give up you will get out of this!!
I just want to add my voice to say I totally understand and hear what you are going through. You could be writing about me. I am only a month into this blip although it drags on and on despite me having a glimpse of me last Friday(I posted on 24/1/2020 my whole sorry life story under " i cant get any relief etc etc.) I too was told by a physchiatrist I was treatment resistant back in 2017. I did get a breakthrough with all this hell with the combination of oestrogel and the mirena coil. I am on my 3rd coil and was lucky to have tolerated it. 4 pumps of the gel did eventually work for me enabling me to reduce to 3 a year or so ago in my hazy happiness and disillusioned state that I had "cracked" this crazy menopause.
I am searching all the time for answers to deperately get well and stay well going round and round in circles. if I could I would hide in a cupboard shut out the world till I am "cured". But I still despite being almost 54 have teenagers to get to school, which is probaly a good thing as I would happily stay in bed all day and avoid the world. The menopause robbed me of a good job, quite well paid but that too has its advantages as I dont have to ring in sick and have all that palava. Good and bad. I wake each morning and think "please let me feel normal" and there is that like kick in the stomach feeling and I think oh Jesus here we go again. The doctor rang tonight about something unrelated to the menopause an ear problem I had back in December, forgotten all about that now. I told her(she isnt my dr they are all new at the surgery I havent even met my new one) that I had increased my gel to 5 pumps she wasnt happy and said no 4 is enough when is your meno clinic I said May oh she said I will try and write to them again. I dont hold out for an earlier appt. I cant afford to go private but I do get lots of good information from here from the ladies who do and post.
So on and on it goes and I so wish I wasnt like this zombie, alien, shadow of myself how you describe yourself, I want me back again so badly and i am so impatient probably too much as I can see this has been ongoing for you for quite a while. Back in 2017 I was ill nearly the whole year.
The only thing I can say is there are success stories on here and I was one of them so there is a way out of this its just hard to see when you are slap back in the middle of it.
The gps are prettty hopeless, the menopause clinic gave an appt thats months away and wont even talk to you in the meantime. All you feel you need is someone to say you will get better. Over the years of depression and taking anti depressants I always had the confidnece that I would come out of it and I did. Because the anti depressants didnt touch this as the gp and me didnt put the connection that it was menopausal I have lost confidence in them. I put myself up to 5 pumps of gel last night. I had a dry mouth in the night, woke at 2am even earlier than the normal 3am/4 am so I dont know [erhaps I like you should stick to 4 and wait it out but my goodness it is hard bloody going.
So you are so not alone and you are so not unusual to be feeling how you are and describing yourself in that way as I too am a fellow alien. Anything I find out that gets me out of this I will share as all the ladies on here do. I am not giving up and you musnt.
Keep on keeping on and we will get there!!!
xxx
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Ladybt28, Bring me sunshine,
Thanks so much for your kind words and I will properly tomorrow, just had a really hard day - I couldn't stop crying, felt like I was in the deepest despair. I don't know 'what's happening to me, but I'm expecting some blood test results shortly. Would it be ok if I posted them once I know what they are?
X
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*I will reply properly tomorrow
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Aw Redlocks I really feel for you. Part of feeling so awful is "the not knowing what is happening to you". It's all so left field and can engulf you so quickly. No one talks properly about this stuff.
Don't feel pressured to post just post when you feel like it....we just wanted you know that you don't have to have it all ordered in your head to write something on here...just write it how you are thinking but only when you want to. x much love
:bighug:
and yes, tell us about the blood tests. x
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Thank you, Ladybt28 :) And I never felt pressured by any of you!
And it is so scary when you're in the middle of it, Bring me sunshine. I'm so tearful that it's actually frightening me. :(
I finally got the letter from my consultant Dr Panay following my appointment with him on 3rd Jan. Just a quick extract:
'[Redlocks] has been through a difficult time recently. This could be related to being intolerant to the 200mg progesterone dosage. She is now down to 100mg...it may take 2-3 months for her hormone levels to stabilise.'
He checked my hormone profile that day and here's what he said about the results:
'satisfactory' oestradiol levels (331)
'lower end of normal' progesterone levels (2.4)
'towards the upper part of the normal range' testosterone levels (1.8
My testosterone has always been high, but I was surprised about the progesterone being borderline low considering I'd been taking 200mg for three out of four weeks for nearly four months. Blood tests are only a snapshot but my hope is that they may give some clues as to why I'm feeling so sad and scared. I feel like I should be in hospital but I don't want to be. As I said, my antidepressants aren't helping me function.
X
PS: If any of this is even remotely enlightening for anyone then that'll make me happy. I appreciate we are all different though.
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Hi Redlocks
I am in the same boat hoenstly feel as flat as a pancake more tears today just cant snap out of it. hats more scary is this state of mind is beginning to feel normal and that's a horrible thought I cant stay in this zombiefied state for ever its hard work.
Reading what Dr Panay said to you was it could take 2-3 months for hormone levels to stabilise and you have got to take what he says as he is the expert better than any gp. 2-3 months when you feel crap feels like a lifetime but if thats what it takes to stablilise then you will do the time to know at the end of it you will feel better. You say you have another appt booked for April so you will definitely know by then and he will have to look at things again if thats not the case. I expect it will be. I like you want to be better now not in 2-3 months but I would take that if it was certain but there's always that doubt. I have the mirena coil for the progestorone and havent had a problem with that. My oestradiol level last week was 357 which the gp said is like you were told "satisfactory" however Dr Currie said its ok but a bit on the low side. I want that reading to be an indication of why I have "blipped" so I am playing the waiting game (1 month into the 4 pumps of gel) which did get me well back early 2018. If its not that then I havent a clue unless I am just depressed for no reason. I am tempted to try anti-depressants again but I just wish they had worked back in 2017 when all this hormonal upheaval happened but they really didnt make any difference only the hrt got me well again.
My meno clinic appt is May and I tried to email them today to ask a question in the meantime as to whether they feel im just been impatient or what to do about anti depressants. Their reply was cant help you until May. I cant really afford to go private but I have found someone who I could see in a few weeks so I may just have to dig deep and do that just so someone can just look at what I am taking and say you will be fine hang on in there or actually you do need whatever.........!!
Just so bloody hard work and I really feel for you and all I think we can do for now is sit it out and wait and not put too much pressure on ourselves, dont try to be what people are expecting you to be or go places if you dont feel like it. If you were laid up with something physical or I think you used an analogy of having a nut allergy no one would think you were pathetic (you are not) or expect you to be all singing all dancing, its just hard when its mental because you cant see it only the fact that the person you are at the moment isnt the real you though you look the same, well perhaps with teary eyes and sad.
I wish I had the answer. All i can say is one day we will look back at this and think blimey we are so better now look where we were.
Hold
On
Pain
Ends
xxx
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Bring Me Sunshine - What about emailing Dr Currie the meno consultant here who runs the forum. You send an email with detailed explanation and a question keeping as brief as possible and she will answer you. It costs ?30. Might be better than finding ?180 or ?200 odd fee for a specialist private consultation like you are thinking about?
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Hi Ladybt23
Im ahead of you but thank you. i did email Dr Currie and she thought the 356 reading was a little on the low side and suggested patches. I mentioned that to my gp on the phone and she said oh we spoke to the meno clinic and they said to stick with 4 pumps of gel as your levels are average-whatever average means, when we are all unique and im feeling rotten. I think the gp wants me on anti-depressants and the meno clinic with their May appt probably as you suggested somewhere hope you will not need the appt because by then something may have "kicked in" and you are well again. Ive got a couple of weeks and a bit before I have to go for that private appt and you never know I may have seen a few more good days (none sadly this week so far but there is still tomorrow) and may then have a bit more hope to wait things out. I have the gp next Thursday I may come out armed with a prescription for patches and one for anti-depressants I dont have to use them just be nice to have them there as an option. I like the thought of someone knowing what they are talking about not that far away in time as in 2 weeks and a bit, the meno clinc appt in May could be years away when time feeling like this feels never ending.
Thank you so much xx
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I think if I read the post right you are only 1 month and a little bit in? Way to go yet, especially when I read your symptoms and how you are feeling. I am of the opinion rightly or wrongly? ??? that the longer you have felt "poorly" the longer it might be before the hrt kicks in and levels out.
Tell me if you have been on your current regime longer? xx
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You are right ladybt23 I am just a month in with the 4 pumps of gel and been unwell for about 6 weeks which I was putting it down to the stress of Christmas initially and then I found myself withdrawing from people and then I knew.
It makes me sound impatient when I read it back I just want to come back to life again. I will be more patient and wait it out xx
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Bring me sunshine,
You're not impatient at all - a second can feel like an hour when you're suffering depression, and the waiting times are insane.
Thanks for your input about the results - the fact that my oestradiol and progesterone are both on the low side might explain at least partially why I've felt so awful (goodness, and I'm on a 100mcg estrogen patch). Same for you - if your estrogen is not optimal then that may well explain why you've been feeling flat, etc.! I know how hard it is when you just want answers.
As for the antidepressants, I understand the frustration - the only thing I changed last year was my HRT. I never increased or changed my fluoxetine, so unless my anxiety episode just burned itself out (also possible), it might be that hormones are too strong for antidepressants. I think I read that estrogen and progesterone affect serotonin directly? It's all too complicated for me, wish I understood it more.
And the doubt about ever feeling well...I hear ya. During every episode of depression/anxiety I've had, I've always thought this may be the one I can't climb out of. Then again, when you're in that state of mind then that's exactly how you think! We need to hold on to hope (love the acronym by the way, if that's the right word!).
X
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believe me I know how hard it is to be patient and I never talk about it lightly and I have been were you both are but for more years than you can imagine. That doesn't make it any easier if it is for 6 years or 6 months but all I can tell you both is that after much trial and error and tweaking and waiting I am better than I have been in 20 years, so it is possible and however hard it is to hold that thought, try and hold it because I am proof it is possible to be well but and here is the but...from all I have read on here it is also possible to get so far and then try and change something or give up and then you never know if you could have got there. Consultant's wisdom says a minimum of 3 months and I would add a month to that unless of course you are having an absolute adverse reaction to something which is immediately obvious. The rest of it is a waiting game but if and when it works the result is worth it. Hang on in there both of you, you are kinda at the beginning xx
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Thank you for all your lovely words it means so much we will wait and HOPE thank you xx
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Ladybt28, very kind and wise words, thank you :)
I am probably the least patient person ever lol! I don't know 'what's made the biggest impact on my mood, whether it's the fluoxetine or the HRT regime I was originally on, but I won't change anything before seeing Dr Panay in April. I can't tell you how touched I am by all your support and encouragement. I hope you're doing well?
And Bring me sunshine, it's a pleasure! Have you seen the film The Lake House by any chance? The message is ?wait? :) None of this is a quick fix. The reasons I personally wanted to try HRT was because I felt like antidepressants were unreliable (I had a relapse back in 2017 and had to increase the dose which had previously worked for me) and they didn't stop other issues like facial hair and night sweats before every period. It may be that HRT can just stop working, but as Ladybt28 says, hang in there a little longer because otherwise you just won't know.
X
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The patience gene passed me by ::)
The longer the body has been suffering the more time it takes to absorb medication, certainly I found that 4 me with anti-depressant medication. Not like pain relief which kicks in quite fast.
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Aww, bless ya CLKD, same here! :) How are you doing?
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:thankyou: Half a day at a time! Most mornings I wake low, not wanting to open my eyes to the Day. Then once I've eaten breakfast and watched the birds, my mood lifts. If I do things spontaneously I am much better than if we have to plan anything!
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Hello Redlocks and CKLD always good advice thank you again.
I just looked up the film "The Lake House" it sounds good and I like who is in it. I have made a note and when I can concentrate longer again then I will most certainly watch it, thanks for the recommendation.
CKLD waking in the morning is such a disappointment. I felt calm last night wathing White House Farm and concentrated as I remember it well at the time it happened in 1985. I went to bed hopeful and then yuk!! I bought one of those sunrise clocks (lumie-or loony a friend calls it; reference to me I think!) so at least the room was sunshiny even though my mood wasnt.
Keep going we will xx
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I find that once up and at it, I begin to feel better. I think for me my body needs fuelling :-\. Lunch is my hardest meal time as breakfast is always the same so doesn't take much thinking about and DH is the Chef ;). We discuss at 4.30 p.m. what we might want to eat .... he's at the knife and saucepan as I type ;-).
Batch cooking is useful. Saves having to think too much about what we might like. We also have junk occasionally ;)
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I've had a couple of evenings this past week and since I became unwell again where I've felt normal, as if nothing had happened, and then in the mornings the anxiety has taken over.
I've just had a horrible panic attack this morning and I'm so scared :( So I can relate to the ups and downs. As I said I've had anxiety and depression for years but I cannot remember it going on this long whilst being on SSRIs.
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Hello ladies,
Just so you know I'm going to take a short break from the forum as I'm really not well right now and must concentrate on getting better. I will of course let you know if there's any improvement but since yesterday I've completely relapsed - I had no appetite, and I thought my period started and then it disappeared. Crazy hormones...
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....... and breath! :tulips2:
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Thanks CLKD! I'm a shallow breather.
Felt a lot better yesterday and up and down again today, same old...plus I was meant to get a period and then didn't for the first time since I've been on HRT :/ I'm wondering if going from 200mg to 100mg of progesterone has made me extra ?crazy?...
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