Menopause Matters Forum
General Discussion => This 'n' That => Topic started by: pants46 on November 14, 2019, 08:56:21 PM
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If you had your time again, to do something different (job / career), what would you do ?
I would be a zoo keeper 🦁 🐨 🦉
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I'd absolutely insist on going to boarding school. I'd have missed my dad like crazy but I would have been a much nicer person without my mother's influence.
Workwise I'd have studied harder, instead of being on self-destruct, and I'd have moved to another country as soon as I finished university.
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I wouldn't have dumped my boyfriend 38 years ago,re met him in 2011 and married him in 2013 😊💖
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Aaaw Jaypo. :-*
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I definitely would do things differently. Not with my OH, but with my own life and family.
Hope I remember in my next life! 😇
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I would have gone to university and or taken up acting or writing.
I wouldve tried living in another country.
And I wouldve appreciated good health when I had it.
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Oh..and I would never ever have plucked my eyebrows ::)
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Tc, you can still take up writing now.
I do think maybe it's not too late to change career path, and become a zoo keeper, or a vet nurse maybe.
But it is probably too late to become a ballerina !! ;D
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I would have gone to university to study ancient history and become an archaeologist.
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I don't think having regrets about your past is a good thing. There is nothing you can do to change it so let it go. 'The past is another country', the saying goes and it is so true.
Make plans for the future but concentrate on the here and now. The past is gone and the future never comes. We only have the here and now so make that the best it can be.
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:clapping: :clapping:
You are right Shadyglen. The route not taken may well not have had the better outcome anyway. I had a mid career wobble and
took a year off to teach (My ' should have done' job). I hated it and left after 9 months. It was nothing like I thought.
I broke up with my 'in your face', 'take no prisoners' Yorkshire boyfriend for a mild mannered, quietly spoken accountant from Surrey.
He turned out to be a complete psycho who I ended up reporting for stalking me at work. (Now am married to the Yorkshireman 17 years).
We left the rat race and moved to a stunning part of the UK to set up our own business. We now hate it and want to move back!
(P.S I would have been a podiatrist and born Spanish to a cello playing, cup cake baking mother)
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:rofl:
Brilliant post squeaker. Life is a journey but we never know the route. Just enjoy the scenery. :)
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Oh that's lovely jaypo, meant to be!
I would have done one of two things forensic medicine or run a coffee shop (two extremes!!) Also I would have liked to have learned sooner that some folk (family) just cannot be pleased & not to waste years trying, should have eloped rather than family wedding (biggest regret!!) x
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I met my better half at work 35 years ago and he's still the nicest person I've ever met, so I wouldn't change a thing :)
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I also wish I'd kept up with my piano playing and learnt to be fluent in another language
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You mean English jay? Or Brummie.? 🤣😂
I often played the flute. Pied piper was my name! 🤣😂
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I'd be able to speak fluent Spanish.
Otherwise I wouldn't change a thing all things considered I've had a wonderful life.
Lanzalover x
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It's like that film Sliding Doors where a few seconds can make a big difference. I realise that we can't change the past, but we can learn from the mistakes we make to ensure we don't make them again. I chose not to take a really major career opportunity in order to look after my mother. I really, really regretted that, and I decided that I wouldn't make the same mistake again, and I've made a real effort to take every opportunity since.
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I agree,life is a learning process,you've two paths to choose from,it's up to you which one you choose
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My kids violin teacher took up the violin at 60 (self taught) and now in his 70s teaches and plays first violin in an orchestra.
There is a guy who jogs in our town who has jogged almost every day of his adult life - he is in his 70s but has the body of a fit
20 year old.
These people inspire me. All I seem to do is right ' to do' lists of things I never get round to doing or start something then drop it!
Time for another cup of coffee and piece of cake...
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I have only recently worked out how to answer this question and now I have it worked out, I try to avoid answering it as you will see later but here goes:
I would have gone University and studied Law (favorite and best subject at college, along with Government, Politics and Business Studies) and not listened to my mother who said "yes, you go to university to be a doctor or a lawyer...anything else is a waste of time....but you're not clever enough anyway - get a job".
If I had got away from her I think the path I took in life would have been very different but I didn't manage to get away from her. I looked after her until she died (she had a disability when I was born that got worse as she got older) when I was 32 and all that time she had a big influence on my life (an over-developed sense of responsibility and "doing the right thing" which is all welland good but "the right thing according to who"?) and pretty much shaped everything. My Brother escaped mind at 17 to go and live with his girlfiend, yet me going to uni was considered unthinkable.
I should have left my ex-husband earlier but then if I had done that I wouldn't have met my "new" (20 years mind) husband.
If I could shape the ideal world from the beginning - I would have gone to uni, and/or travelled being a lawyer, and/or taught English as a foreign language in lots of countries in the world (mainly hot countries! :)) and met my lovely husband and shared all that with him. He loves to travel too and we would have bought Landrovers (he loves them and his ideal life would be buying them and doing them up) and/or a motor home and if I had any spare time I would have spent it decorating old furniture to sell cos I'm good at that too (apparently anything creative "isn't a proper job" either according to mother's wisdom) >:( Sorry for the "anger" but it tends to flood out...I try never to dwell on what might have been because looking back on "what was" is extremely painful :'(- but you did ask! xx
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Great post ladybt 💖 I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason,I too should've left my ex many years before I did BUT if I had I doubt too that I would have been with my now wonderful husband :)
I did my dream job and was a groom,all the careers advisors at school said to me that I'd never get a job like that and to concentrate on my secretarial skills,which I did but I still got my job with horses
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Good thread :thankyou:
I wanted to be a vet: Mum pointed out that a) I can't add up or take away so pets wouldn't get proper injections and b) I don't like getting up early on cold, frosty, wet nights/early mornings ;D
'there'll always be a place for you scrubbing floors in Woolies' she used to mutter :-\
Hindsight: now that I am aware of mother's personalty flaws I would be more talkative to my Dad instead of stepping back in case he lost his temper :-\ :'(
I wouldn't change much. I've not done badly over-all. There are a few times when I've said/done stupid things ........ and have acted hurtful with certain people when I shouldn't have done and would like to put that 'right' now: but can't contact those people. I worry that they were scarred by my actions :'(
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I would do what “I†wanted. I was always trying to please other people. I listened to my Dad who said I needed a job where I worked 9-5 but why he said that is a mystery to me now because he always worked similar hours most of his life.
There are countless other examples I could give but I'm not going into them on here. Suffice to say I feel like I missed out on a lot because I listened to others too much and was afraid of upsetting anyone.
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The first thing i would change is i would go to grammar school when i passed my 11 plus when i had the chance, but instead went to a secondary school where my friends went ,
Second i wouldn't get married at 17, i had 3 lovely children but the marriage didn't last long, due to mental cruelty, and 3rd, i wouldn't have married a second time, similiar scenario to the first time, but i had 2 lovely twin boys, it was all downhill from there
#So really i would change everything from 15 onwards :(
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If l had realised that there was nothing wrong with me, contrary to what my mother told me, I would have achieved more earlier in life. Eg passed my driving test many years before I did (was told I was an accident waiting to happen), learnt to sing as a child rather than after retirement ( apparently I was too nervous......really?) However, I did achieve other things despite Mum. I qualified as a teacher despite being told I wasn't clever enough, married a lovely man, despite being told I wouldn't be able to cope with a relationship. And I'm a mum who champions and believes in her own children. As a consequence, we enjoy being around each other. It wasn't until I was in my late thirties, that I realised how damaging my mother's attitude to me was. She started treating my son like she did me. I wasn't having that. Because of Mum though, I understood how subtle and powerful an influence I could be in a positive way in both my parenting and as a teacher. And after all, it's never too late to learn new skills. I'm learning Italian initially using an app, but next year, I hope to start lessons.
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Good post ju ju and you should be proud of yourself for your achievements.Theres a few of us on here who's upbringing was similar,although I think it now doesn't affect me,I'm very much the way I am because of my upbringing, I guess you could say,I'm flawed :-\
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Unless 1 wants hair that looks like straw :o ::)
I stood back as a teen and decided what I needed in my marriage. I was able to dis-associate to a degree whilst away from the house but as soon as I stepped over that door step ::)
Old habits die hard. I seem to have been ploughing through treacle, keeping my head down. I wouldn't change that as it was what I was raised like, but I have been able to adjust my habits (I think).
I would have listened to the Grannies more!
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I used to be "blonde".... out of a bottle of course. I had naturally fair hair when I was a child but it darkened to very light brown so it was easy to go blond, but I used to use it! People sometimes assumed I had "blonde" intelligence years ago when it was a "thing" You know people say patronisingly (Stellajane you know what I mean ;)) "oh are you having a blonde moment" etc and all the blonde jokes!
When I met my 2nd husband I was a blonde and he caught on straight away that I would play up to it if I had to and would use it to my advantage. Whenever I wanted someone to confirm something which I already knew or get them to do something for me I just used to put on my "blonde face and my blonde voice" and off I would go pretending I was as thick as THEY thought I was!! :-X Especially car mechanics - my husband always sent me to get the car MOT'd - he'd say "go and do your blonde thing". No one caught on they were all too busy with their own prejudices.
I changed my hair colour as it got greyer and I became "more invisible" - it's now mahogany red! (more red than brown ;D) - everyone can see me coming! ;D ;D Can still act "blonde" on the phone though! :-X ;)
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I think what is more exciting is 'What can you do now'. :)
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Is that for me Shadyglade? - what can I do now with my "red hair"? or just generally what can I do now because I have gained so much wisdom into what "I would have done if I could do it all again"?
Red hair at 57 ;D ;D well whatever it is, it's not going to fall into the "age appropriate category". ;)
I just feel like I have had the crap beaten out of me, I'm like CKLD been trudging through treacle my whole life. I know people say "nothing's impossible" but it might be irresponsible to do some of the more adventurous things I wrote in my first post and I can hardly train as a lawyer at 57 who would employ me when I qualified? I suppose I could stand as a Councillor if I went into politics at this age?
Now you have started something Shadyglade ;) I've only just worked out what I should have done and that's only become a lightbulb moment recently - now you are asking me "what can I do now"? - Blimey "What can I do now"! :-\ :-\ It not going work well if it takes another 57 years to get the answer to that one! Bugger ;D
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No it wasn't for anyone in particular. It's just that hindsight is a wonderful thing but completely useless.
All we have is the here and now. That's all.
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;D Lady. And why not become a councillor? With your life experience and if you have motivation and conviction, go for it! A force to be reckoned with! We need more people in politics who care about others rather than self advancement.
Always been blonde and not out of a bottle! I'm 65. My hair might do its own thing, refusing to co-operate, but at least I've been blessed with a nice natural colour. I have gone into battle by growing it, so it can't stick out at strange angles. Gravity is working in my favour. If it refuses to conform I shove it up! I win! My children had far trouble with others name calling at school, both being redheads, but now embrace being noticed and different. Both well into their 30s.
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Hindsight can be a Life saver! As long as 1 realises that changes can be made. DH and I are used to interacting since we were 16 ....... he has the ability to shut off when I annoy him ;D.
When we moved here a stranger pointed out how I nagged DH - it was how I 'came over' without realising it. Hindsight has shown me that I was a bolshie teen, why anyone put up with me :-\ I can't understand but DH's parents took me on :D. I was copying my father's attitude to the World. I had little else to go on. He was copying how he was raised ..........
Hindsight has given me courage to ditch those toxic people. Easier as we moved far away from family as soon as we married so our decisions weren't influenced by 'you should/shouldn't'. So I see less of those who upset me unless I have to, i.e. funerals. I halved my C.mas card list - none of those have contacted us to see if we are still living ;D.
Hindsight has given me insight into the dynamics between my parents - what I blamed Dad for probably wasn't all his fault :'( and I can't talk to him or say 'sorry'. They weren't aware of how they affected me with their behaviours. Mum still doesn't ........
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Very interesting post CLKD but what you are talking about is how you have changed your life now for the better. But you can't change the past for the better, it's gone.
I wouldn't change anything from my past, even if I could. It's made me who I am now, for better or worse.
Do you remember the film It's a Wonderful Life. Be careful what you wish for.
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:thankyou: it' s hindsight that has enabled me.
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My mums not with us and she still wouldn't have understood. My Dad is 92 and he know there were issues between my mum and me but he didn't really understand how bad and what effect it has turned out to have. He also has a tendency to say I'm like her! >:( There isn't any family to speak of, I rarely see my brother and when I do he annoys the hell out of me, only my sons and my stepfamily. I isolated myself because I was taught by her that people were not really "your friends" they were just you acquitances and she was very untrusting (I don't know why) but she always took the approach to everyone that "they would do you down if they had a chance". She didn't let anyone in because of her disability so I grew up trusting no one and keeping every one at arms length. Mother's uh! Who'd have um! ;D ;D ;D
People with ginger hair tend to have lovely skins, well that's my opinion anyway, they tend to look younger longer, I think. Genuine red hair is a great thing JuJu
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That sounds very difficult Ladybt. I have to say I miss my mum like mad and still talk to her when I'm stressed (I know, total nutter I am). She could be awkward at times but then aren't we all. But she was full of wisdom, always listened and had huge courage. Miss my Dad like mad too. :'(
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yes - shaped most of my life really - but the questions is Shadyglade - lot of us know what we might do if we could do it all again but really those things wouldn't necessarily be appropriate now if we want to change our lives...so as you ask maybe we should start thread which asks "what could 55+ menopausal women reasonably do, if they wanted to change their careers, or needed to earn money (cos I don't have any ::)). It's easy to do stuff when you have money but if you are just about managing - what could we reasonably do - answers on a post card anyone?? ;D
(now don't say take up pole dancing.... ;D ;D)
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Pole dancing is easy, kids do it every May Day ;D
If I could - apart from as I said, not being horrid to school mates :-\ .......... I don't think there's much I would change. Because I was shy due to my parents being continually angry.
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It's interesting how parents impact on our lives has worked its way into the regrets thread.
My mother was always quietly controlling, it's what she never said or did that formed me (no hugs, no complements, never sorry). She taught me to run away from problems and never speak out/find solutions. She would throw an illogical, hurtful bomb' into the family then hide behind my dad playing the victim. When I left home I could get the silent treatment for years if I dared to stand up to cruel comment she made. This was my ' norm' so even now at 49 I can't confront her. It was when she started the same pattern with my kids that I cut off contact 3 years ago (Or may I just ran away and hid).
On a positive note....Caitlen Jenner is an inspiration on ' I'm a Celeb' free fall parachuting. Also Kate Garraway at 52 walking the plank of that high rise. Ian McKellan at 82 in The Good Liar - just fantastic. Some people really don't let age define them and we should all be inspired and excited about that. However we don't have to go to extremes. One womans' bungee jump is anothers' surviving Christmas.
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Aww that's lovely Jaypo.
I would do so much differently, feel I've done nothing with my life, self confidence & being shy has always been an issue, parents didn't help. Sorted my PMDD out a lot earlier than leaving it 20+ years not knowing why I was so angry & horrible person, go back to school to try & get better grades, the list goes on & on. One thing I got right was getting married to a great man, he's had to put up with so much.
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Travelled down Africa overland in my 20s. The plan was to turn left at the bottom but instead I spent a couple of years working in South Africa. Couldn't take money out of the country so bought a yacht and sailed it out. The roaring 40s didn't appeal in a 30 foot boat (and I get seasick) so turned right instead and came home via the carribean. I can't say I regret it as I met my husband here and spent time with my parents before they died but I do wonder how different life would be if I'd settled in Australia.
Reading some of the posts I feel blessed with wonderful parents. Even though my brother died in a caving accident they never tried to stop me going (not that I would have listened). If it was my daughter I'd have plenty to say but fortunately for my nerves she has a better sense of self preservation than I do.
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It's interesting how parents impact on our lives has worked its way into the regrets thread.
I think it's because so many of us grew up with only our parents' influence, and it shaped our choices and the way we behaved. I was an only child with few friends so the only role models I had for being an adult woman was my mother and grandmother, and both thought that my mother's happiness was the only thing that mattered. They treated me and my dad like dirt, so that's how I treated men. They were truly horrible people, and so was I because I didn't know any different. I made a lot of decisions that focused solely on my mother's happiness, and I regret every one of them, so if I could go back in time to meet my 18 year old self I'd tell me to break all ties with her and find decent people who could show / teach me how to be a decent human being. The behaviours she taught me are pretty much ingrained but I work hard every day to be a better person. I'll always be flawed and often my initial reaction is to be that nasty person she created, but I now know that I should think again and look at ways to be nicer.
Interestingly when I was around 20 I went to a fortune teller who told me to be very careful of someone with my mother's name. At the time I assumed she couldn't possibly mean my mother, but now I realise that's who she meant. Shame I didn't heed her warning :(
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getting_old. You are nothing whatsoever like your mother as I'm sure she could never have written with such honest self awareness and self reflection. I think everyone on this site shows a great deal of empathy and generosity towards others which are fine traits to have.
I think I should have lived my life by not surrounding myself with toxic people. With that in mind I had the wrong family and wrong career.
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We can't choose families though and even friendships can be full of difficulties.
One womans' bungee jump is anothers' surviving Christmas.
. I will try to remember this during December :thankyou:
Our history: whether it is within the family or in the wider World : makes our future. Also I have to remind myself that my parents had problems B4 I arrived. This was confirmed by a very loved family friend, we had a chat about 5 years ago so I can let go of more of my past. She confirmed what I thought I already knew. PHEW!
squeaker - you took control. You didn't run and hide, you told yourself not to repeat her habits. Even if you didn't realise that she was toxic towards you, by seeing history repeating itself you took charge :medal: - you can't alter her but you can avoid her. I do this with my sister ;-). Parents have their habits formed by the previous generations.
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:thankyou: Happy tears CLKD. It was nice to hear that take on it. :-*
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Not easy to reassess when we are ingrained in habits. I had to decide what I needed ........... ;)
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OK. So, I didn't expect this thread to get so deep and meaningful ???
Let's lighten things up ... let's come up with some ways for us 40+ women to make money.
No rude ideas please ;)
If I give up my job in Legal because of all this meno sh*t, I'm going to need to make a living somehow.
I still fancy being a zoo keeper, though. xx
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I'll be a trapeze artiste, always loved swinging from great heights....😂
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Can you make money doing that ? assuming you keep your clothes on ;)
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I wanted to be a Vet or a Zoo Keeper - both needed 'A' Levels >:(
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Pole dancer...........ah come on,what did you expect from me? ;D ;D
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pants46 - you can buy my guest house...discount for menopausal women over 40.
Maybe there is a market for an upmarket Meno ' Chat' line featuring anxious, sweaty Meno women.....
...Oh I'm so hot....so sweaty...I keep sweating up......my joints are soooo stiff......
...my heart is racing......I'm all tingly.....Did I mention sweaty.......etc etc
£50 / minute maybe? They say there is a market for anything out there.
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;D ;D ;D
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Sorry Jay - your a bit late...check out the thread earlier on! I suggested that but CLKD doesn't think that dancing round a May pole would be very lucrative! Such a delightful naivety she has and there we both are...in the gutter!! ;D ;D ...again! - just wait till JD gets here..
Squeaker's helpline might have something going for it, though its not something I could pull off! ;D I'd even "sound" embarrassed! :o :o
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When I first read your post Squeaker, I thought ... oh that's nice, a support line for meno women !! Then I thought, charging for it would be a bit mean ???
Then the penny dropped !! ;D
I'm so naive (yes I am !!) :P
Squeaker ... where's your guest house ? you could run week long retreats for meno women. I paid an awful lot of money to go to yoga retreats and drink nothing but juice. Could be a money spinner. xx
As for me ... don't fancy anything requiring heights, high heels, (just) fancy knickers or needing to be bendy !!
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I'm a bit of a shrinking violet myself in the Bridget Jones 'big grey pants' variety but I would be up for a Meno ' older ladies'
chat line if the price was right. Great therapy for me too - getting things off my chest to a paying stranger! My Midlands accent is
too drab for it - would either need dulcet southern tones or strident Scottish.
Not sure I could cope with a house of fee paying Menopausal women! Not sure what I would do with them. Too cold for naked swims, midnight tramps. I would certainly go to a forum meet up though.
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Oh please ladybt pleeeeeeeeease dont encourage jill ;D
I wanted to be a lorry driver at one point but in those big American trucks not our feeble little lorries
I'm the Scottish gal for you squeaker,would people understand me? Probably best if they didn't ;D
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I was talking to a volunteer at a Zoo today ;) she 'does Wednesdays' in the lemur play ground ;D
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You wanted to work in a zoo CLKD - are you going to volunteer?
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Zoos are too far away. Otherwise ;). As long as it wasn't with reptiles, insects or creepies ;D or anything smelly or .........
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Yeesss, you can make money from being a trapeze artist! It all depends on what your DOING on the trapeze! ;D as long as there's naked men , with six packs, bulging muscles, big...... ..............😲.....sorry, I'm getting carried away, ..... :madeyes: you'll pull the crowds in..... :yes:
They might not be paying to see me swinging away up there, but I'm only doing it for the view! :whist:
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…...well hello JD....wondered how long it would take for you to turn up ;D ;D ;D ;D and get carried away :whist: xx
I hate heights and I'm with Pants, nothing involving high heels, fancy knickers or being bendy.! I am surprised though that we cant come up with a load of sensible money making occupations ensuring a change of career for the over 50's really (those a 40 have time) over 50's by the time you taking in any training...well.
They are going to have to be self employed positions because otherwise who will employ us between 55 and 70??? Yet we are supposed to be useful to society how though???
Now concentrate JD...put that man down!!! and keep you fantasies to yourself ;D ;D ;D
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How about a rock band? 🎸🥁
We could be the biggest rock band that exsists in the over 45s category!
Whose gonna be front woman tho? Not me, I can't sing...🎤 Any takers?
Me and Jaypo could be the backing dancers, now there's a thought...🤔
How about it Jaypo, in our platform boots, mininskirts, stockings, and tight fitted t,shits..? :jiggy:
Think that might work....but NO POLES Jay, I know how much you like em, one day you'll swallow that bloody pole! ...ouch! :stretcher:
Hi Ladybt...👋🏼. 🙂
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All we would have to do is write a xmas number 1.
Apparently, the Slade xmas song makes the bloke half a mil every year !! :o
Can anyone write music ?
I can't sing, by the way. I'll play the drums .. how hard can that be ! ;D
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Oh yes jill,backing singers,do the side to side thing clicking our fingers,doooowaapppp dedooooowapppp ooooooooaaaaaahhhhh
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Told you! Good idea! Get TC! She'd write us a song...
The oldest swingers in town! ....( some of us anyway) ..and no, I'm not throwing my keys in the dish anymore! 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂
Get them hips a rolling Jay....eeeeehhhhhhaaaaaa....🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠
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;D ;D dear heaven, I can't hold a tune either nor can I write music, now dancing :banana: and stages.. :) but I'm not going on xfactor which I think is what you have to do to get a xmas No1 these days!... but half a million Pants, well a bit of that would do!
How about it Jaypo, in our platform boots, mininskirts, stockings, and tight fitted t,shits..? :jiggy:
Think that might work....but NO POLES Jay, I know how much you like em, one day you’ll swallow that bloody pole! ...ouch! :stretcher:
They've already made that film JD - you know the one, with Pierce Brosnan…... Mamma Mia ;)
Maybe someone could write a show about the menopause.....like the Vagina Monologues seeing as none of us can sing! ;D ;D