Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => All things menopause => Topic started by: Noheroicsplease on October 31, 2019, 02:43:48 PM
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Yes, I'm fully aware that there are far more pressing meno related issues than the way I/we look - and this board is full of women in far dire situations.
But I just need to rant, and i'm hoping that a board of women in the same boat will understand...
I just hate my body. I'm not even big, comparatively, but in contrast to my younger self - even the self of a few years ago, my body shape has really thickened, especially around the hips and bum.
I just hate it. I am such a careful eater, follow a very low carb diet. I exercise 2/3 times a week. I don't drink.
And yet...
I'm on HRT too, although not for much longer.
It's really frustrating and it really pisses me off. It feels like you have to deal with these internal changes, some of which are really far reaching, and then you look in the mirror and have another new layer of change to deal with.
I'm going out shortly to an event and I've changed into every single pair of jeans and trousers and ended up sitting on the bed crying. They fit. But I just look wrong.
Rant over.
Apologies for the self-absorbed post.
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Hi Noheroicsplease,
No need to apologise, rant away. As a small consolation prize, I hate my menopausal big belly! >:( :)
BeaR.
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Hello Noheroicsplease
I can so relate to this. I weigh the same as I always did but I've changed shape and my fat stores have relocated. A while ago when still on HRT I noticed that my bottom had sagged leaving me with the typical flat bottom that so many post meno women have. I then realised that the fat had moved to my belly which has become larger and rounder. I don't have a muffin top or spare tyre but a sort of paunch. Thankfully I can still get into my clothes but they don't drape the same way the used to.
I've decided to make my peace with it and do the best I can with what I've got. I have had some horrible problems with the meno but this is a battle I refuse to fight. If I can tolerate bingo wings ( which incidentally appeared overnight about two years ago) then I can live with this lol.
I agree that it's upsetting but life goes on.
Wishing you well.
K.
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Noheroicsplease - how we feel about ourselves is the number one priority that should be fixed before we can turn our attention to things outside ourselves. We need to feel good or at least accept the things we don't like, otherwise we will be miserable so please don;t apologise! It;s important to be self-absorbed to some extent otherwise we'll all get fat and unhealthy as we go into our old age!!!
I think we all have parts of our body that we don't like. I don't have the big bum - mine's more like Kathleen's - flat not fat!!! Yuk! I think you are a bit younger so probably don't sag as much as us oldies!!
Interesting the fact that your hips have thickened I would have thought is a sign of oestrogen. Remeber when we were younger - does my bum look big in this? I used to peer round at my back view and see those wide parts at the top of thighs. I have none of that now - bum never looks big in this nor do thighs look like they used to ( nice and thick at the top like they should in women).
I also don't have a belly - not out front but an even overall midriff thickening meaning my waist has gone - even though chest and hip are the same size as they have always been ( well boobs a little larger). It doesn;t seem like I can do anything about it - I don;t overeat, have healthy diet, only drink at weekends and then only a little, and have a moderate amount of exercise as you do - but putting on weight. Now at my limit otherwise I won;t be able to do my jeans up! Hoping to lose 4 pounds by Xmas if I can without going hungry (after meals that is).
I really do sympathise. I don't know what your style is and you've probably gone to your event - so hope you got sorted. However in your position and as an emergency until you can get back into your jeans etc, I would get some jeggings or leggings and find some looseish but flattering tops or tunics that you can wear that hide your midriff and practice holding it in and strengthening those muscles so that even if it's there - no-one notices it! Also posture can help enormously - stand and sit upright, shoulders down and back, chest out - and you can look instantly taller and slimmer - try it in front of a mirror...maybe you have to let go of the fitted stuff for a while if that's what you are used to?
No-one thinks I look fat at all because of where it is, and what I wear - but I know it's there and need to lose about 6 pounds in order to be back to normal - but that is quite difficult!
Hope you found something to wear and enjoyed your event!
Hurdity x
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Noheroicsplease - I noticed a drastic change in weight when I reduced my dose of hrt. My body shape has changed with meno though, less pear shape, more tummy. If you're already eating well and exercising, there's really not much more you can do, it's just a hormone thing. If your lifestyle allows, you could try 5:2, even just 1 day a week helps if you're just a wee bit puffy. And puffy was what I had rather than fat, couldn't stop peeing when my dose reduced, you might find the same.
Don't be hard on yourself, a good moan and cry can work wonders at times. It's an unpredictable and uncontrollable time of our lives when few of our old coping strategies still seem relevant and that in itself is hard to adjust to.
Take it easy on yourself.
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It's letting go of the younger you that's the problem, I too wrestled with my body shape,absolutely hate my belly but without surgical intervention I'm stuck with it, I can either spend the rest of my days being angry or accepting it and buying clothes that flatter my shape,after a long battle, I chose the latter.
No need to apologise 😊
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Our bodies do change as we get older and it is hard to come to terms with, hopefully sharing on here helps. I noticed the Queen's legs recently are an unflattering shape, and I'm sure they weren't like that when she was a young woman (from pics/footage I've seen). I commented to my husband I hope my legs don't go like that when I'm older, and he said if you get to your nineties does it really matter! Just musing, hope this helps x
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I feel for you (all) and myself (obviously) ;D
The changes in my body were quite hard to cope with. Losing what little waist I had (athletic build with no hips) was hard to take combined with a flatter bum...still, on the upside I've now got 37 inch hips (used to be 34)! and a great set of bangers!! :boobs:
Because I live abroad most of the year - I notice my body's changes almost daily - wearing a bikini does that...and you face the ageing process full on. I try to keep my weight stable, I run and cycle and eat well...beyond that, not much I can do.
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I feel for you (all) and myself (obviously) ;D
The changes in my body were quite hard to cope with. Losing what little waist I had (athletic build with no hips) was hard to take combined with a flatter bum...still, on the upside I've now got 37 inch hips (used to be 34)! and a great set of bangers!! :boobs:
Because I live abroad most of the year - I notice my body's changes almost daily - wearing a bikini does that...and you face the ageing process full on. I try to keep my weight stable, I run and cycle and eat well...beyond that, not much I can do.
What an envy making picture you paint - all slim hips, big chest and no doubt a wondrous head of lustrous hair. A veritable Brigitte Bardot cavorting in a bikini in the sunshine.
Perhaps a little insensitive on a thread where the OP is having difficulty with her image at the moment.
And let's not forget, BB ended up looking like an air dried scrotum with all that sun so make sure you slip, slap, slop and keep those massive puppies in tip top shape!
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What an envy making picture you paint - all slim hips, big chest and no doubt a wondrous head of lustrous hair. A veritable Brigitte Bardot cavorting in a bikini in the sunshine.
Perhaps a little insensitive on a thread where the OP is having difficulty with her image at the moment.
And let's not forget, BB ended up looking like an air dried scrotum with all that sun so make sure you slip, slap, slop and keep those massive puppies in tip top shape!
Whaaat? I think she's just trying to be cheerful and positive (laughing at oneself?!), as we all are - as well as sympathetic! It's generally good to have a variety of responses as to how everyone deals with this - and I hope you feel that too noheroicsplease? Do let us know whether you found something to wear and how you coped with your event?
Hurdity x
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What an envy making picture you paint - all slim hips, big chest and no doubt a wondrous head of lustrous hair. A veritable Brigitte Bardot cavorting in a bikini in the sunshine.
Perhaps a little insensitive on a thread where the OP is having difficulty with her image at the moment.
And let's not forget, BB ended up looking like an air dried scrotum with all that sun so make sure you slip, slap, slop and keep those massive puppies in tip top shape!
Whaaat? I think she's just trying to be cheerful and positive (laughing at oneself?!), as we all are - as well as sympathetic! It's generally good to have a variety of responses as to how everyone deals with this - and I hope you feel that too noheroicsplease? Do let us know whether you found something to wear and how you coped with your event?
Hurdity x
Hurdity,
You hit the nail on the head...Thanks! no point being bitter and fighting the inevitable eh..? ;)
LF
X
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Hello again ladies.
If there is one thing this meno journey had taught me is that it's a waste of energy worrying about our lost good looks. Keeping fit and well is more important and good health will hopefully shine through! Of course a sense of humour is also essential lol.
Take care all.
K.
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Yep, I can relate to all what you say ladies. I would consider myself to be slim but wait a minute......where did those love handles come from 😱 My husband takes great pleasure in wobbling them about !! Good job I love him 😜 I've definitely noticed a change in my body shape over the last few years and although it doesn't look great without clothes on, I've tweaked the way I dress to cover my ‘wobbly bits' 😬
Rosie xx
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Exactly what I've done Rosie,I've bought dresses with those peplums and they hide a little belly and you can still look great
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Hi all,
Sorry for the delay in coming back. I really appreciate all your replies and empathy.
Hurdity, when you say the thickening hips is estrogen - do you mean a decline?
I know I have to come to terms with the changes. It's just hard.
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Hi there noheroicsplease - yes it's coming to terms with it that's the most difficult! Once you come to accept your new shape, (rather than weight gain which one can usually do something about with effort!) - that's the first step. Then you can work out how to look and feel good and flatter yourself!
No! Fat deposition round the hips - a decent bottom with proper buttocks - this is the norm for women - so associated with decent amounts of oestrogen ie the pear shape - whereas the post-menopausal rounded appleshape (fat around the midriff, and waist but slimmer hips) is associated with low oestrogen and relatively higher testosterone (even if this itself has declined). eg although I am on medium dose HRT my levels aren't very high and I also take testosterone, as well as being in my 60's - so no waist at all, fat around the midriff and waist (even though still in normal BMI range although now at upper end) - but hips as slim post-menopause as they were when younger (ie 36 ins!).
It all depends on hips relative to waist as well as overall measurements....
Hurdity x
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Hello again ladies.
I read somewhere that your waist measurement should be half of your height and it was suggested that this was a better predictor of health than BMI. I wonder how this works for the post menopausal figure where a disappearing waist is the problem? Although I have a larger abdomen it is below my waist so my measurement is actually half my height but I realise that isn't the case for many of us. Incidentally when looking at photos of older women taken in the 1950s and 1960s, many of them, even the matronly overweight ones had a discernable waistline so maybe modern living is impacting our figures ?
Take care ladies.
K.
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I would love to blame the meno for my big bum, but I'm afraid I've had it a whole lot longer than my peri symptoms!!! ;D ;D ;D.
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Hahahaha me too foxy
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I hate my shape. I'm 54 and meno. I'm probably 3/4 stone heavier but it's all on my stomach and waist. Oh and the revolting flabby bingo wings. But I am sooooo much happier on HRT (my weight definitely got worse when. I started it) so i figure it's swings and roundabouts. I remember one of the best articles I read, I think it may have been Caitlin Moran, said she came to terms with her own shape by stopping trying to squeeze into her skinny jeans but try something new. I fully embraced that and thank god for a-line dresses from Cos and phase 8 and white trainers. Gone is the muffin top. Well visibly anyway ;D ;D
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Hello again ladies.
I've been looking online for dresses for a formal occasion and there's clearly a market for the post meno shape. It seems to consist of half length sleeves to hide bingo wings, a wrap over design to accommodate a fuller bosom and an off centre gathering high on the waist to disguise a larger tummy. The skirt then tapers over the hips and the dress is hemmed at knee length. The reviews talk about what a flattering design the dresses are and the fabric may have some stretch in it because everyone says they are comfortable to wear as well. I think we are of an age when we want to look as good as possible and being comfortable definitely helps!
Take care ladies.
K.