Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => Personal Experiences => Topic started by: kayellvee on August 21, 2019, 11:42:15 AM
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That's it, really. Feeling very anxious, stressed, depressed. Need to see the doc but finding it hard to get an appointment that I'm comfortable with (agoraphobia issues coming into play here). Legs really heavy today, finding it hard to walk up and down stairs. Not on HRT at the minute, tried patches but got an allergic reaction then tried gel/utro but couldn't cope with the utro, as it messed my stomach up and that is a phobia trigger for me. Feel hopeless and trapped due to an eating disorder which is making anxiety worse. Can't decide whether to try HRT again or an SSRI to help with the anxiety. Really wish doctors did home visits :'(
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Hi kayellvee,
Sorry to read your struggling today, it really is pants isn't it. Can you ring GP and tell them you need an emergency appointment and possibly have someone go with you for support. :bighug:
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Hello kayellvee
So sorry to read that you are struggling. Is it worth ringing your surgery and asking your GP to call you back. My surgery makes calls as part of their triage service so a phone consultation might be possible. Also my friend sends letters to her doctor and emails as well I think.
Hopefully you will get the help you need very soon.
Take care.
K.
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I use utrogestan vaginally, especially with the stomach issues. Orally, it is processed by the stomach and the liver, vaginally it bypasses both so you get none or less side effects. If you are feeling rubbish Kathleen is right phone and see if someone can call you back.
You could try again with the hrt knowing you can bypass the stomach and so it may not cause you the problems you had before and get some Anti-D's as well for the anxiety. Other than the stomach issues how were you with the hrt and how long were you on it?
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Can you not try utro vaginally – did you use to orally before?
I tried both. If anything, I was worse the 2nd day after taking it vaginally - my mood tanked and my stomach was a mess. My eating disorder/OCD means that I tell myself I need to have a set amount of food each day - I know, it's weird and frustrating and I need to sort this, I've tried with some success in the past but it comes back worse each time - and I just wasn't physically able to do eat what I normally do, so anxiety was through the roof. I know we're expected to try for 3 months but I just couldn't (and I feel ridiculous and pathetic for having to admit that (self-esteem is taking a battering today too)).
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Hi kayellvee,
Sorry to read your struggling today, it really is pants isn't it. Can you ring GP and tell them you need an emergency appointment and possibly have someone go with you for support. :bighug:
Thanks Sharon - I tried but with food issues feeding into my agoraphobia, I couldn't do it. My DH is being brilliant and will come with, so that's not a problem. I did pre-book an appointment for 2nd September at a time I'm comfortable with, so there's at least that and I'm going to try again with the emergency appts on Friday (next time the GP is available).
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Hello kayellvee
So sorry to read that you are struggling. Is it worth ringing your surgery and asking your GP to call you back. My surgery makes calls as part of their triage service so a phone consultation might be possible. Also my friend sends letters to her doctor and emails as well I think.
Hopefully you will get the help you need very soon.
Take care.
K.
Hi Kathleen, I spoke to the doctor by phone the other day but she's not my regular doc (who's on holiday) and she insisted that I come into the surgery.
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I use utrogestan vaginally, especially with the stomach issues. Orally, it is processed by the stomach and the liver, vaginally it bypasses both so you get none or less side effects. If you are feeling rubbish Kathleen is right phone and see if someone can call you back.
You could try again with the hrt knowing you can bypass the stomach and so it may not cause you the problems you had before and get some Anti-D's as well for the anxiety. Other than the stomach issues how were you with the hrt and how long were you on it?
Thanks for replying Ladybt28 - see my reply to Birdy above.
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Just wanted to add, thanks to everyone who replied. I know I'm my own worst enemy here in a lot of ways. Before all this hit, I was coping fine, in a somewhat restricted way, but I had a life of sorts, I was even challenging the agoraphobia and food problems quite successfully and I have a super DH. This sudden increase in symptoms (last month) plus the not sleeping well has thrown me for a loop and I'm struggling to find the new normal. I don't do well with changes in routine at all.
I ended up getting quite angry with myself this afternoon and ended up rage-cleaning the living room and then going for a walk to challenge the OCD/agoraphobia stuff. I don't exactly feel "better" but at least I've done something instead of sitting here watching the clock tick by and worrying about being hungry ::)
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That's great you had a clean and got out, two productive things. Push your self to have another little walk tommoow, I definitely feel better if I get out on my bike or blast some music to lift my mood. Also I think it's a huge step for most of us to come on here and say I need some advice or help, what a bunch we are hey! But none of us are on our own and there seems to be always someone ready for a chat. I hope you have a better day tomorrow
:bighug:
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Hi. I recognise a lot of what you say in feeling guilty and angry with yourself. When you are tired and anxious these emotions are ramped up and it is very hard to think rationally or do any of the things that would normally make you feel better. If I look at myself from an outsiders view a lot of how I think on the inside seems bonkers - self inflected. I think being gentle with yourself is a good tip. I swing between trying to accept , almost embrace my hand ups (health anxiety in my case) and being angry and trying to shut out the thoughts. I have had advice / read books etc both ways and neither is a quick fix.
I am thinking of keeping a diary to try and track my progress and work out what works and what doesn't . When your hormones are high it all seems so overwhelming. So many people in the world are in a much worse place than me and my brain feels like it is being chased by a T Rex the whole time. I need to laugh or scream with like minded ladies I think.
Well done you for getting out. Procrastination is a killer.
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Thank you Birdy, your kind words made me cry. The problem is, I'm so ashamed of the food issues that I try to minimize them. I haven't really spoken to a doctor much about them - I was having similar problems (but not quite so severe) in 2013/2014 and the doctor I saw then was really unhelpful - I said I felt I had to eat through the night and she just said, well, you don't need to so just don't eat. Which is probably true, but really not helpful at all. She actually said - I don't know what you want me to do here and looked at me with disgust. I've tried private therapy but haven't got very far. Feeling pretty hopeless about it all, TBH. I have a real psychological fear of being hungry ever since I was prescribed Seroxat for panic disorder in 2000 and it's just got worse and worse.
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squeaker99 - the anger was more at letting the anxiety "win" - I've worked hard for the past few years to overcome this and I was doing OK until the hormones kicked in (or gave out ;D) and I suddenly got sick of being a victim. I've got health anxiety too - in fact, I've long had anxiety about being ill from contaminated food for some reason and have always been afraid of being sick, which may be feeding into this. I feel so guilty about how the way I am impacts on my life with DH. He is truly a lovely patient man and I hate that we can't go out and do things like "normal" people. He hates it when I say that I feel like a burden - I'm so bloody insecure and wish I could give him a better life. He never complains either.
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Thank you Birdy, so much. I did phone the MH crisis team back in 2014 and I had a session of CBT which didn't go well, mainly because I focused on the agoraphobia, rather than the food. I ended up seeing a hypnotherapist who has helped me with lots of other things but we don't seem to be able to do much about the food, in fact, it's got worse/more rigid since seeing him.
I'm considering EMDR and have found someone locally who seems very supportive and who has experience of eating disorders. When I can pluck up the courage, I intend to have some sessions. I never had this fear of being hungry growing up, it was only when I went on the Seroxat, had horrible side effects of increased anxiety and really bad upset stomach and started to associate anxiety with hunger that this all started. I don't know whether there's some trauma there because it was such a difficult time or what.
I also think I may be autistic, although haven't been formally diagnosed but I fit a lot of the criteria and a lot of things from my past make more sense when considered that way. I'm wondering if this is what's making it harder to treat or I just haven't found the right person?
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. I hope you have a better day tomorrow
:bighug:
Thank you Sharon :-*
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I've just remembered, I had a telephone session with a supposed eating disorder specialist, which also was unhelpful. I feel that it's me, that I'm not explaining things properly or my expectations are too high or something, because no-one seems to understand why I do what I do.
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Your own doctor should be trying to help you – trying to find resources that are a good fit for your issue.
I think this is my fault because I haven't addressed it properly with the doctor. However, I wrote everything down today and printed it off and I'm going to give it to the doc to read when I eventually get to see her. The problem is that I haven't addressed it before it's become a crisis and when it is a crisis, I can't explain myself clearly enough, so they just see anxiety and prescribe anti-Ds.
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I've just remembered, I had a telephone session with a supposed eating disorder specialist, which also was unhelpful. I feel that it's me, that I'm not explaining things properly or my expectations are too high or something, because no-one seems to understand why I do what I do.
It's not you.
I promise you that.
It's them. Every time.
I've had therapists explain the logic to me, how people can manage without food, etc and I know all that but it doesn't make any difference. Just telling myself that people manage without food so I can too is pointless.
Also, I saw the therapist that I've been seeing last week and we talked about the food and he gave me an exercise to do. I started it that evening and felt really good about the first part of it, but was struggling with the second part so I left it for a couple of days. Anyway, I was really struggling with everything towards the end of the week and starting to feel suicidal generally, so I emailed him and told him and his response was that I needed to learn how to self-soothe the anxiety because I was looking for an adult to make it all better. Which...may have been true but I didn't think it was terribly compassionate, especially as the hormone issue is making it harder to self-soothe than normal. :-\
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I did say exactly those words (not just struggling, but suicidal) and felt that I was being chastised like an attention-seeking child.
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We're all like that in a crisis. Well, I am. You know, I felt so exhausted and hopeless on Monday when I took a call from the meno nurse, who basically told me she isn't going to help me, that I just said, 'ok then, thanks', and ended the call.
Same when I phoned the doctors and got the grumpy, unhelpful receptionist, I just hung up because I couldn't cope at all with her attitude.
I'm sorry the meno nurse is being unhelpful with you, BTW, I honestly feel that because people aren't going through the same thing and they're feeling OK, that they forget to empathise.
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I'm so sorry you're having a hard time. For the hrt problem - the part you're allergic to is the carrier not oestrogen itself. You could see if you can find a patch that uses a different carrier. Or else stick to gel with a different prog such as provera. It might be different for an eating disorder but my gp will do a telephone appointment for hrt. Perhaps ask the surgery why they can't do this? I can't think of a reason why you need to go there.
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I'm so sorry you're having a hard time. For the hrt problem - the part you're allergic to is the carrier not oestrogen itself. You could see if you can find a patch that uses a different carrier. Or else stick to gel with a different prog such as provera. It might be different for an eating disorder but my gp will do a telephone appointment for hrt. Perhaps ask the surgery why they can't do this? I can't think of a reason why you need to go there.
Sheila, I think it's because it's a different doctor- mine is on holiday for two weeks.
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That's it, really. Feeling very anxious, stressed, depressed. Need to see the doc but finding it hard to get an appointment that I'm comfortable with (agoraphobia issues coming into play here). Legs really heavy today, finding it hard to walk up and down stairs. Not on HRT at the minute, tried patches but got an allergic reaction then tried gel/utro but couldn't cope with the utro, as it messed my stomach up and that is a phobia trigger for me. Feel hopeless and trapped due to an eating disorder which is making anxiety worse. Can't decide whether to try HRT again or an SSRI to help with the anxiety. Really wish doctors did home visits :'(
I can relate, I have very similiar issues to you and I think my hrt is just making my anxiety worse and bringing back my depression. It's affecting my agoraphobia issues as well
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Hugs, jefner. I literally just replied to your thread in the main part of the forum ;) It's shit, isn't it?
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Well, I'm not currently on anything at all - had to stop the utro after 2 days and doc (in phone convo) told me to stop the gel as well, so haven't had gel since Monday and utro since Sunday.
Tried an Epsom salts bath last night for the 1st time because my legs had been really achy yesterday - it did relax me and last night was the best night's sleep I've had all week, so I'll try that again tonight maybe chuck in a bit of lavender as well! I think I may need some supplementation, magnesium, VitD etc - I did take my liquid B vits this morning, must get better at doing this more consistently.
Really bad nausea this morning though, although I felt better afterwards. I often used to get this the day before my period started (although not for months) and then it would go once I was bleeding. I think it's partly anxiety as well though.
Feel a smidge better in myself today, though still really stressed and sore.
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How about glycinate? I think someone recommended that on another thread.
My main worry with supplementing is that I have stage 3 kidney disease and I know that potassium is something that I should avoid.
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The main thing I've got off that list is tingling - I get it in my hands. I've been aware of it for a while, but didn't think it was anything really serious and it's listed as a peri symptom anyway.
For the past few days, I've been suffering with bloating and initially, but not now, constipation but I put that down to the utro because it happened after I'd been taking it. I've had a tiny bit of toe cramping this week but only twice and very short-lived. Otherwise, that's really it. Legs have been bad the past couple of days but I thnk that might be stress as much as anything else or inflammation of some kind. It went off last night but returned after breakfast this morning, weirdly.
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Afternoon ladies, hope you are OK today kayellvee?
Great tip about magnesium Birdy, I wonder if I can take it with my other meds. This forum really is a bloody life saver xx
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Bit better in myself, thanks Sharon. Feel more physically tense though but mentally a bit better.
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The physical tense thing is horrible, but I'm glad your a little better in yourself kayellvee . It's probably being able to chat on here helping a bit, definitely helping me a moment :) x
Right Birdy I'm off to pharmacy later to ask about magnesium, I'm on lisinopril for High BP, fluoxitine for aniexty and everol sequi patch on my bum for the crazy hormones. Maybe it's just what I need. Thanks x
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Hey Sharon - just to throw into the conversation, I was on lisinopril for High Blood pressure and I had to get it changed, it started reacting with my hrt. It made my feet and ankles swell and I got a bit of strange rash on my legs. It was weird because I had been on the lisinopril for years! GP looks at me and goes "oh yes, that happens sometimes, its well known with Lisinipril!" and promptly changed the blood pressure meds to Lercandipine. Problem gone! Just in case anyone has the same problem x
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Hey Sharon - just to throw into the conversation, I was on lisinopril for High Blood pressure and I had to get it changed, it started reacting with my hrt. It made my feet and ankles swell and I got a bit of strange rash on my legs. It was weird because I had been on the lisinopril for years! GP looks at me and goes "oh yes, that happens sometimes, its well known with Lisinipril!" and promptly changed the blood pressure meds to Lercandipine. Problem gone! Just in case anyone has the same problem x
Oh all this is making me so mad today, I'm totally exhausted can't remember the last time I slept, just laying on the bed and looking at my skin, no swelling or anything but skin looks so dehydrated on my arm's and legs. I've got old lady skin at 48 :'( :'(
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Sorry SJ, I didn't mean to send you off on a full body analysis! :-X As CKLD says, lack of oestrogen drys things up but maybe you just need more water? The sleep thing, there are posts on here about Valarian root (natural) works a treat to help sleep and/or Melatonin (natural what the body produces at bedtime) to help sleep, both of which I have used cos the over the counter sleep stuff or the ones the doctor gives you just makes you feel drugged or drunk or groggy!
Add it to your list along with magnesium! Sleep deprivation is a terrible thing and whether you are menopausal or not, it really messes with the head and the body. x
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Sorry SJ, I didn't mean to send you off on a full body analysis! :-X As CKLD says, lack of oestrogen drys things up but maybe you just need more water? The sleep thing, there are posts on here about Valarian root (natural) works a treat to help sleep and/or Melatonin (natural what the body produces at bedtime) to help sleep, both of which I have used cos the over the counter sleep stuff or the ones the doctor gives you just makes you feel drugged or drunk or groggy!
Add it to your list along with magnesium! Sleep deprivation is a terrible thing and whether you are menopausal or not, it really messes with the head and the body. x
No you haven't, I just think it's all getting to me a bit this afternoon. I'll add those to my list x
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Quick update: after a terrible night, dreadful anxiety, nausea, etc no sleep, I finally made it to the doctors this morning. It was hard, but at least I managed it. Saw a totally new doctor, have been prescribed escitalopram 5mg to start with and leave the HRT for now - I really need to get this anxiety under control because I just can't function properly. She said she'd phone me next week to check how I was doing on it, which made me cry, it was so unexpected and so kind :'(
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Oh that's really good to hear, I so glad you've actually managed to see a doctor that's is caring. Well done for getting to the docs :foryou:
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Thanks Sharon :) It was really unexpected, I don't think I've ever had a doctor voluntarily phone me to see if I'm OK before.
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It looks like a few of us are struggling with the same thing. I've managed to get a GP call back today
(my sons friends dad...!) so am hoping for some guidance on the Sertraline which is making me feel
nauseous. I was reading in the Guardian that there is a new sleeping pill coming out in 2020 which is
good for insomniacs who can't sleep due to anxiety. Bring it on I say! If I could get a decent amount of
sleep I think everything else would fall into place. My husband just suggested to go for a jog today
but on 3 hours bad sleep and 7 hours anxious fretting I don't think I could jog to the end of the garden gate.
What peees me off is that if this is caused by hormones it will keep raising its head again and again. I thought I
was over this crap phase in the spring and now its come back ten fold.
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Sertraline, for the brief time I tried it, made me twitch! ;D
I know what you mean about things rearing up again squeaker - I had a bad MH episode in 2013/14 and I swear it was peri-related to a certain extent but no-one would listen. I really hoped I'd never have to suffer like that again and I've been fine up until last month.
Just really hoping the Escit will help without causing too many issues - I don't think I could cope with any more stomach-related issues right now. >:(
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Bad day. Started the escilatopram this morning - def more nausea and dry/burning mouth (although the latter has eased a bit since this morning), anxiety really bad today as well, prob cos of the nausea. Feel very jittery indeed.