Menopause Matters Forum
General Discussion => This 'n' That => Topic started by: groundhog on July 05, 2019, 10:40:13 PM
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Hi ladies,
This is about my OH.
After 5 years of no intimacy ( thanks to bowel perforation etc etc etc ) we tested the water so to speak. It was fine until I noticed to my absolute horror he had blood in his semen. His prostrate PSA is normal and the GP says it can be down to abstinence or cancer or it can perfectly harmless. So now he has to have some additional tests and my anxiety is just awful. We have had the most horrific time over the last 7; years and have been awful to each other. The thought of him being ill fills me with absolute fear.
It's done wonders for our relationship but very distressing nonetheless and we are now to afraid to progress our attempts at intimacy.
Just wondering If anyone has any experience of this rather distressing symptom.
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Hi Groundhog. This happened to my husband many years ago. I think it was at least 10 years ago. It was very distressing at the time so I know what you are going through.
He had different tests but nothing was found. He still gets it now and has been told its just one of those things and nothing to worry about.
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Could be a small nick in the lining of the penis. Happens to my husband occasionally.
I hear 'guilt' in the your thread. ....... and breath. How long does he have to wait for further investigations?
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Thanks Blot, that is reassuring. I know it can happen after abstinence and it's been 5 years so that's a definite possibility but also other worrying reasons. I also read that in 70% of cases the xause is never established. I'm just not good at waiting , anxiety and all that.
Maybe some guilt CLKD as we can be pretty horrible to each other at times. Plus when I've been down or under the weather ( frequent With a fistula ) his lack of empathy made me so angry I used to think it was his turn to be unwell now, as it had always been me, that's awful I know.
I feel sad in a way that after 5 years, we finally get some good news ( that my vaginal health felt ok and the fistula track into the vagina had gone ) and when we took advantage of that - this happened and it was quite alarming !
He's got a few tests coming up, BMI and weight on Monday then digital exam by GP next week ( which he's dreading obviously lol ). On waiting list for a scan and camera up the willy 😖😖
Don't think he's done any damage although he's quite active and working again so God knows with him, he thinks he's 25 🙄
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I can't add much to Birdy's comment.
Other than 'his/her turn will arrive' - yep. Each 1 of us goes through problems and a lack of empathy doesn't help, building resentment! Use this time to decide how you will react, if after his health turns 'normal', he turns into his usual self ;-)
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Good morning groundhog
So sorry to read this after all you've been through this is the last thing you need. I really feel for you.
I don't have any personal experience of this but hope it turns out to be something and nothing and you can move on with your relationship.
Sending you both good wishes.
Lanzalover x
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Hi groundhog. My husband also had this after two years of abstinence but there were no problems found. The GP did say that he sees quite a few cases of “older†men seeking advice after this has happened and 100% of the time it has been because of abstinence. He also said not to be alarmed with recurrences. Telling you not to worry won't help but do try not to because hopefully the outcome for him will be the same
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How long does he have to wait for investigations?
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Thanks all.
Thank you Herdwick that is reassuring, it is such an alarming symptom and has totally wiped us out to be honest. I suppose what worries me is he does have slightly enlarged prostrate but his psa has a,ways been very low so they've never looked into it. My mind is going into all the dark places now but I'm trying to control my anxiety.
Thanks Birdy for saying you can relate to it all. Even though he absolutely does my head in at times lol, I would never wish him harm and despite my moaning would be lost without him . I hate seeing him sad, he is such a jovial person , I can see the worry in him.
Yes Lanzalover we really could live without this, the first time we kissed and caressed in 5 years ended in a massive fright and upset, I feel cursed but I try not to think like that or I may as well jump off a cliff !
CLKD - tomorrow he has his BMI and general health and then week Wednesday he gets his bum examined, why he has to wait a week I don't know. He's been referred to urologist as a precaution so god knows how long that will take p. He had loads of bloods and they were ok.
Just could really live without it all as I'm sure you can understand x
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He has to wait because there are other patients? If there was any concern I would hope that the GP would have fast tracked him directly to hospital ;-)
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The urologist will probably put a camera up. It's pretty damn painful for men (the camera has further to travel). If he hasn't had one before, you might need to 'prepare him'. :o
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Its natural that you are going to worry Groundhog but he's in the system now and getting everything checked out. It may well turn out to be nothing. Its surprisingly common but people don't really talk about such things.
As I mentioned, my hubby has this and they couldn't find a reason for it. Not due to abstinence, and it was at least 10 years ago it started and is still ongoing.
I perhaps wouldn't mention the camera up the uretha. Its painful but doesnt take long and no point in worrying him about that.
Hope you are OK.
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Thanks ladies.
I don't think I will mention the camera lol, he has no doubt Googled and knows it's not the most comfortable of procedures.
He went back to GP yesterday for a digital exam ie finger up bum to check prostrate. The GP he saw is very experienced and has been there for years so he knows my husband well. The prostrate was fine, small and felt normal. He also said like you Blot that this is fairly common but little known condition as men don't tend to check or mention such things as it usually goes away or on,y happen once or twice, That said he will have to have the tests to rule out anything but the gp said it's not usually anything serious but armed a very alarming symptom. Il be honest it really freaked me out and has now completely put me off trying intimacy again ! Considering I have 3 bags in my abdomen and he isn't bothered in the slightest, I do feel a bit guilty at my squeamishness.
What a pair eh ! Xxx
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I've held many a man's hand when they have the scope up the penis :o
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Nope. And nope. And .......... ;)
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You can ask - medical secretaries do far more than typing up notes.
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You'll have to wait or ring the Ward for an update?
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You could always ring the hospital Rosie, just to put your mind at rest..xx
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I work in a hospital and secretaries certainly don't sit in on these procedures. Think it might have been an emotional hand hold CLKD refers to.
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Nope - no one was gowned unless they were barrier nursing. Less germs in those days - cleaners were employed per Ward by the NHS - they rarely moved between Wards. Equipment was kept to each Ward. Floors were stripped and re-sealed every morning. Beds were stripped every day [bodies allowing] and washed with boiling water by the Nurses. Mattresses turned daily [bodies allowing].
Procedures were done in Outpatient Clinic, there and then! OUCH :o
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Don't be confused. Everyone is entitled to a - word escapes me, not companion - so when the Nurse was in and out of the office for equipment etc., I was asked to keep the patient calm whilst the Consultant prepared the kit. What's wrong with that? No one in all those years ever complained or asked me to leave and I was thanked many times for holding hands - usually men ::) .
We didn't have any infections due to the intense nature of the cleaning processes, limited visiting times and everyone working in their Dept./Wards - people didn't move around as much as they seem to do in the NHS these days as they were directly employed, not via an Agency. I don't remember gloves being worn except in Theatre. Drugs were checked 3 times B4 being given/injected. Against the drug chart, against the patient's name tag, with another Nurse. No outbreaks of MRSA etc. in those days. AH! Chaperone AH!......... and in all the Hospitals I worked at across the UK it was the same in the 1960s/70s/80s ........ secretaries went into the clinics to take notes in shorthand ......... interacting with the patients who weren't a number but a person. We often had to explain procedures etc. after the Drs had gone onto the next patient as we weren't as - again word escapes me :-\ - but we were approachable I suppose.
I was in another country but not abroad ;-)
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chaparone!
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Those were the days....🙂
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Morning groundhog
I woke several times in the night wondering how much your OH worries? Mine doesn't until there's something to get his teeth into ::). Apparently. It's me that stays awake crying quietly with every scenario except 'good' in my head :-\.
Even when I was very ill; also the night when my dog was dying; he slept. Don't know it if was his way of switching off/coping or if that's 'him' ::). I could have resented that but after 40+ years married I have accepted that it his how he is.
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Any news?
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