Menopause Matters Forum
General Discussion => This 'n' That => Topic started by: Dancinggirl on October 30, 2018, 03:15:07 PM
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Hi everyone
Does anyone have, or know of, any accommodation near the Royal Marsden Hospital? I live on the Suffolk coast and the daughter of a friend of mine has just been diagnosed with a type of Acute Leukemia.
This poor girl was away at university and had been suffering with awful stomach pain and unable to keep food down for over a year. The GPs she saw near her university just dismissed her as being anorexic - when she finally had a scan they found a large cancerous growth in her bowel, so she's had major surgery already and she now weighs around 6 stone. This 21 year old girl is facing gruelling chemo (the consultants are still unsure whether anything is going to work) - so she and her mum need to find accommodation near the Marsden so she can have the treatment that ‘might' save her.
Can I ask you lovely ladies to put feelers out to see if there is anything suitable in or around the Sutton area that could be rented or if anyone has any ideas about how to find somewhere. I don't think they qualify for the very limited accommodation the Foundation has on offer - I expect that is for families of children.
Thanks DG x
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Is there accommodation provided by the Hospital other than Foundation for over-night/long term ? Some are linked to Charities who provide flats close by. Maybe ring the Chemotherapy Dept on their behalf and ask. I don't think that these types of accommodation are age-led.
Is there a PALS-type group that liaise with families? Should be on the Royal Marsden web-site.
Dreadful story. Hopefully something *will* work. Again, a situation where the medical profession has dismissed a patient :bang: :bang: :bang:
They may find that small hotels will offer cheaper rates for several night stays. Look at the local tourist information web-site 'accommodation' lists.
Do they have a caravan? Is there a camp site where they could park up? Check the Caravan Club and others to find out. Some remain open 12 months long. Mobile home parks often have 'lets' either managed by the owners of the static vans or by the Park Management on behalf of the owners.
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It will be worth phoning the number on the website as they also have a list of hotels nearby. Phone and ask for advice?
Taz x
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There are several CC/Motorhome sites in the location. They could have a look-see if they don't own a 'van and contact the Wardens and explain their situation. There may be owners who would lend space ...... if you don't ask you don't get and campers are on the whole, a friendly lot. There maybe a local FaceBook group too.
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The RM is just off a roundabout in Banstead, in the London Borough of Sutton. The nearest hotel would be the Holiday Inn in Sutton, I think. Expensive and not that nice. There's a Premier Inn on the Purley Way which is about 25 minutes drive and is much, much cheaper. But I don't think that these would have the right ambience for your friend and her poor daughter. I think CLKD is right that you should ask the hospital what they recommend in this instance. An Air BNB might suit. I would go for Banstead rather than Sutton. Would be much less expensive and potentially a home environment. Or if funds are available there are tons of conventional rentals around there, although even a small 1 bedroom would cost £700+ per month, with all the other bills. Sincerely hope that things work out for your friend and her daughter xx
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Thank you for the thoughts and ideas - you have come up with some good options to try. I will pass the info on to my friend - she is a very resourceful lady - the one good thing I know is that this poor girl has a mum who is very positive and proactive - I'm just desperate to help if I can. DG x
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Of course you are wanting to help. Would they want to drive/park would a taxi be better as the Mum will have a lot on her mind, leave alone driving in traffic!
I had another idea but it's gone :-\ ........ oh, Golf Clubs may have accommodation. One that we do sport at has a Hotel on site ........ might be another source to see if any Members have a annex at their property if the Club won't rent a room.
Theatres in the area who may have a list of lodgings that performers stay at? Youth Hostel?
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Church group in her area who may have friends/relatives near The Marsden? Even if not a Church goer, asking would come under pastoral care.
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What about phoning the Macmillan Cancer Charity? To be honest I think they will have dedicated people inside the Royal Marsden seeing as it is a specialist cancer hospital. They will be able to advise where people stay or what happens when people are having treatment at the hospital but don't live within easy travelling distance. There will be plenty of people going to the Royal Marsden who have been in this position. They may even have building which they use as "patient hotels". Great Ormond Street hospital for example has a couple for patients and patients families. The Royal Marsden probably also have a Patient Liason as CLKD says.
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What about phoning the Macmillan Cancer Charity? To be honest I think they will have dedicated people inside the Royal Marsden seeing as it is a specialist cancer hospital. They will be able to advise where people stay or what happens when people are having treatment at the hospital but don't live within easy travelling distance. There will be plenty of people going to the Royal Marsden who have been in this position. They may even have building which they use as "patient hotels". Great Ormond Street hospital for example has a couple for patients and patients families. The Royal Marsden probably also have a Patient Liason as CLKD says.
How very sad! These suggestions sound like a good starting point. The Royal Marsden must be used to receiving such enquiries. There may be a team of volunteers who can point you in the right direction.
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There is a phone number on their site specifically for this purpose I believe?
Taz x
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Is your friend a W.I member or you? They would certainly help and for sure a W.I lady in the area would help with letting them stay or will certainly know others that could give them a more comfortable option
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Thanks again to you all. There have some great suggestions and I'll be passing them on to my friend and her daughter. DG x
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Good Luck! :foryou:
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Good luck. Keep us posted
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Yesterday, my husband, son and I went for a lovely walk on the beach with our dog; we live in a seaside village and the weather yesterday was truly beautiful. As we walked up the street back to our house my friend and her daughter drove past us waving madly. They didn't stop, as I later found out they were on their way up to the Marsden so the treatment could begin. Apparently, before leaving the village to go up to Surrey, they had driven down to the beach "to wave goodbye to the seaâ€. When I got the text with this phrase, “ to wave goodbye to the seaâ€, I crumpled and the tears have kept coming since then. This poor twenty one year girl has been told that they will be giving her ‘life threatening' treatment so she is facing an awful battle and there is absolutely no guarantee the treatment will be effective. I first met her when she was just 14 and I helped her with staging and singing a song she was performing in the local pantomime, her mother was directing the show. She is a delightful, gentle and intelligent girl. The unfairness of this makes me so angry and the fact that she has been asking doctors for help for over year with non of them truly listening makes me want to scream. I know there are many ladies out there who know what I mean about doctors “not listeningâ€.
I keep thinking, why are they trying to treat her if there is unlikely to be any good outcome? Why not let her have some quality of life while she can - apparently, since they cut out all the cancer in her bowel she has felt better than she has for a very long time. Modern medicine demands they treat regardless of whether they can save a patient or not but surely they should lay out the options more clearly and not push treatment?
I have another friend who developed breast cancer despite having a double mastectomy to prevent this (she had the BC gene) - apparently there was only a 5% chance she would develop the BC after the mastectomy, so she has been very unlucky. Her cancer is very aggressive, it didn't respond to chemo, so they operated and did radiotherapy - so she has been through the mill and though she is looking quite well she is not out of the woods. I saw her a couple of weeks ago and the doctors want her on an oral chemo therapy drug permanently which she has tried but it made her feel dreadful. She has decided to not take this drug - she wants a big Christmas with all her family and to go on holidays with her husband - she doesn't want to be an invalid feeling horribly sick all the time. She said it will be a battle to go against what the doctors want her to do but she is a strong lady and I respect her decision to say “enough is enough†- quality of life is very, very important.
I'm not saying this lovely twenty one year old girl shouldn't give treatment a go but I do so hope her doctors take 'quality of life' into account. I am not religious but I am praying very hard for her right now. DG x
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I dread chemotherapy side effects. So opted not to undergo chemo should it have been necessary. The Tamoxifen was bad enough.
Trouble with the medical profession they swear an oath to treat. So quality of Life is rarely considered. When my dog underwent chemotherapy our Vet said that it is unethical to make a pet feel worse ....... also, there are schools of thought that humans would benefit for a lighter dose and longer therapy with gaps, but because it is known that certain doses work for certain diseases, no one has yet been brave enough to offer this idea up.
At her age she's damned if she does, damned if she doesn't. But I would prefer the sea ;)
Did they find somewhere to stay? You cry. Tears can be healing :foryou:
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My friend and her daughter are staying in a Holiday Inn for now!!! Apparently there is a real shortage of accommodation near the hospital - there is so much demand! My friend is a very resourceful lady, so I'm sure they will find a flat or somewhere more suitable to stay for the longer term - I've passed on all the ideas your ladies have offered.
The best thing about the village we live in is the incredible way everyone supports one another. Unfortunately my friend didn't find the staff, or the atmosphere generally, at the Marsden that good when they went for the appointment last week - I know it's a centre of excellence but it is so important to feel cared for in their situation.
I'll feeling so, so sad. DG xxx
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Oh DG I felt so sad reading your post. I feel especially sorry for the young lady and her mum and really do hope that their experience gets better at the R.M and that they find somewhere restful to stay too. Keep us posted and you look after yourself too as this has been a big blow to you as well
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Send a text explaining that they don't need to feel rushed into any decisions! This young lady has a probably terminal illness and the treatment may well be on a guinea pig basis ........ so at her age, I would wonder who is pushing for treatment? Does she feel obliged to have it to keep her Mum happy? Does the Mum think it's worth the awfulness?
:foryou:
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It's just so difficult to know what to do in these situations and I've been there twice with family. I'm of the opinion that the older the person then intervention is not necessarily welcome at any cost. With one so young that's a real toughie! Everyone feels they have to "try" I think, when a young person has their whole life ahead of them, but at the end of the day it is the patients choice and although they may feel under pressure from relatives it must be hard not to be sucked into "there maybe hope - how do you know if you don't try" scenario. On the other hand, doctors do have to try experimental treatment on specific cases otherwise they will never learn how to help anyone. There is no real win in this situation unless everything is an unmitigated success because the process is beyond what anyone should have to endure all round.
My heart goes out to them all, it is heartbreaking, stressful and takes people to the edge of their limits, both the patient and those having to watch and feeling so helpless at the same time.
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Oh Dancing Girl I felt so sad reading your post, life is just so so cruel.
My heart goes out to them xxx
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Thank you ladies for your kind thoughts and comments.
I doubt this young girl is being pressurised over treatment - I think it is the doctors who are struggling about the best course of action. Of course she should try whatever they offer - at this stage she has more to gain than loose I'm sure.
I think it has hit me hard because I've had the nasty cold virus that is going round and feeling low in myself. I haven't gone near my friend and her daughter because I've been unwell - I now it is very important she doesn't get any viruses right now - but the only time I saw her following her bowel operation, she just looked so fragile.
I am just so thankful my son and daughter are fit and well - I can imagine how awful my friend must be feeling. DG x
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We have a virus too ............ nearly 3 weeks in and still trying to shake it off >:(