Menopause Matters Forum
General Discussion => New Members => Topic started by: curlygirl on July 17, 2018, 12:52:36 PM
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Hello everyone,
Thank you for accepting me to join - I'm so relieved to find people going through the same experiences as me. Though I wouldn't wish these feelings on anyone, it's good to know I'm not alone...or completely loca!
I'm 48, single, no children (not for want of trying with several rounds of IVF in my early 40s) and started to be affected by increasingly strong perimenopausal symptoms around 18 months ago, though it's been difficult to pinpoint exactly, as the years of fertility issues and anovulatory cycles along with the effects of IVF have seamlessly transitioned into menopause - great!
I have all the common physical symptoms, the most worrisome for me have been the unrelenting weight gain on top of already struggling with weight loss, the fatigue and general inability to manage normal life anymore - zero energy, strength or vitality. And the periodic deep depression, anxiety and feelings of doom; I've disappeared off the radar of my own life, can't/don't want to do anything or see anyone. Not ideal as I had begun to explore adopting, but had to put my assessment on hold because I couldn't see how I could possibly start being a new mum now?!
The other day my Dad said I was always in a bad mood these days and not very nice any more - it's just us now as my mum passed away 3 years ago, so he probably does get the full force of it when I feel overwhelmed supporting him as well as trying to keep my own head above water :-(
None of this is the me I remember, which is disconcerting and then affects my self confidence and self worth - I used to be fun, joyful, busy, smart - where did I go??
Anyway, I had my first appointment at Professor Studd's clinic last month - under Prof Watson. As seems common they started me on 3 x Estrogel pumps + .5mg testosterone daily and 10 x Utrogestan 100mg monthly.
Once used to it, the Estrogel and testosterone had started to have a little positive effect on my mood and symptoms, I was having an inkling of feeling better - then the Utrogestan phase started on the 1st July and blew me out of the water. I've been a total mess - every single symptom dialled back up to 100%, I was fainting all over the place, I've had two weeks of painful flooding bleeds and at times my mood was so low I seriously wondered if I'd make it to the next day. I had to take the week off work because I couldn't cope with leaving the house.
The last day of Utrogestan was last Tuesday, and today is the first day I feel it's out of my system and I'm out the other side and somewhat in normal spirits again. Hell of a progesterone hangover!
I tried the Utrogestan both orally and vaginally, safe to say it did not suit me. Next month they are going to try me on cyclogest 200mg x 7 days, which I remember using during IVF and not reacting so badly. Fingers crossed it will go more smoothly, I'm terrified, I know it's trial and error to find the right recipe for me.
Sorry for such a long first post, I'm not often so talkative so took the opportunity :-)
thank you for all the excellent information shared - it's so helpful.
Sending very best wishes to everyone,
xx
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:welcomemm:
Do ring Prof Watson's secretary and tell her! Many ladies find that Progesterone upsets their systems beyond being able to cope.
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Hi,
thank you - yes they were very helpful and changed to cyclogest next month, so we'll see how that goes!
:-)
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Do you keep a mood/food/symptom diary, some ladies find that it helps as we can forget how awful we feel when we are 'better' ::) vice versa.
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no, but that's a very good idea - I'll start doing that so at least I can show myself evidence that it'll pass on the dark days!
thank you for the suggestion :)
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You are welcome. Every day is a learning curve ;)
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Hi im new to this site too, i have found it very informative and supportive. i think it has stopped me from thinking i have went crazy. i have went from a very strong willed person to somone who has lost their confidence and would love to stay home and hide as its much easier than dealing with the day to day struggles with my emotions. My Dad also pointed out my mood swings and that he seems to get the brunt of it all. I had gone to the doctors a few years ago and was put on prozac, i came off them after 1 year as i just felt flat. i went back to the doctor recently and was prescribed HRT, which i feel has been a benefit until i take the green pills and hit the low moods and mood swings once more. i will be back at the Doctor this week to change the HRT as all this will be worth it just to feel like me again. Good luck to you too and hope you feel more yourself again soon x
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Ah thanks for your reply Big D, I hope it goes well at the GP this week and the HRT starts balancing out for you soon too. One day at a time xx
I was having a good day today so printed some symptom info for my Dad which we chatted through, so he can understand it more when I'm not doing well. He's of an era where this was all ‘women's business' and a vague mention of ‘the change' he was actually very
interested and supportive in the end. Hopefully won't take my moods so personally :-\
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Well i thought i would give you a quick update after my visit to the Doctor. it was decided its better to take some time off from work so that i can rest when i feel so fatigued and also my HRT is changing to Femoston as the green pills in Elleste seem to change me into a bit of a monster. so fingers crossed that i turn a corner.
thanks for your support and hope things are improving for you too
D
;D
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Enjoy your break. Sometimes we have to step back from work in order to recharge batteries. Feet up!
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Hi,
That's good, one less thing to worry about while you find your right balance and HRT to suit you - which I'm sure you will. Make sure to do things to enjoy and nurture yourself - I treated myself to an aromatherapy massage the other week and it really lifted me - so much so I bought some oils to waft by my bed - clary sage, geranium, lavender etc. :-)
Hopefully the different medication will be much better for you.
I'm switching to Cyclogest for my progesterone this month so like you I'm really hoping to tolerate a different med better than the Utrogestan and be in a better state.
Best wishes to you and keep in touch x
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Hi Curlygirl and thanks for posting how the menopause has affected you. I can completely identify with wanting to hide at home and losing confidence and oomph. I have been taking Femoston 2/10 for 4 months and I do feel things are better than before, but still not sure I have found the right combination yet. I am off to see a specialist in Cambridge next month to explore whether I improve things further as anxiety and low mood still persist and I need to be at my best to tackle my job and deal with family stresses. Take care.
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If your anxiety hasn't lifted with HRT then ask your GP for anti-anxiety medication. Some have to use both side by side.
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Hi Juliet,
it is a comfort to relate to each other I think - I feel for you and hope things start improving for you too.
I've taken up CLKD's helpful suggestion of keeping a short daily mood diary and it does help to be reminded that not every single day is bad, and the bad ones do pass. x
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Hi,
I received a PM from Eagle87, but unfortunately I haven't been posting enough to be able to use personal messaging yet.
Hi Eagle87, yes I have got on so much better with cyclogest pessaries than on utrogestan - I only use it for 8 days per month, but still get a very 'healthy' withdrawal bleed, so been advised to stick with that regime for now while it's working.
Even with cyclogest it took my body maybe 6 to 8 months to get used to the hormones. I'm also now on a low dose antidepressant and in conjunction with the HRT seems to be working well for me and my mental health. I'm not the same woman I was, but I at least recognise myself!
How are you getting on?
x
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Hi,
I received a PM from Eagle87, but unfortunately I haven't been posting enough to be able to use personal messaging yet.
Hi Eagle87, yes I have got on so much better with cyclogest pessaries than on utrogestan - I only use it for 8 days per month, but still get a very 'healthy' withdrawal bleed, so been advised to stick with that regime for now while it's working.
Even with cyclogest it took my body maybe 6 to 8 months to get used to the hormones. I'm also now on a low dose antidepressant and in conjunction with the HRT seems to be working well for me and my mental health. I'm not the same woman I was, but I at least recognise myself!
How are you getting on?
x
Hi thank u so much for getting back to me I was worried u wouldn't see my message
I am really really struggling.. I have had pms my whole life and then had my first baby 2016 and had really bad postnatal depression no antidepressants worked...
I felt a bit better after 18 months but worse pms.. I then got pregnant 2019 and had a baby oct 2019 followed by postnatal depression again.. i visited studd clinic nov and was put on estrogel 4 pumps testrostone every other day and utrogestan starting 1st feb
I was getting a bit better but still bad days... max I have had is 4 good days In a row. Main symptom insomnia
First cycle utrogestan in feb wasnt too bad just low headache and vivid dreams
This one is horrendous I feel suicidal no sleep just one hour nightmares panic attacks constantly crying I called the clinic today and I asked about cyclogest they said utrogestan is better but to stop this cycle and try again in April I'm so scared I dont even know if hrt is right for me but too scared too try antidepressants again
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Hi Eagle87, I'm glad you saw my reply, sorry I can't PM yet :-)
I'm so sorry you're struggling and feeling so low - that's exactly how I felt the first time I tried Utrogestan, feared for my sanity and also felt suicidal and panic stricken. I totally understand, as do most of us on here I'd imagine. You're not alone, you're not crazy, or overreacting, it's the imbalance of hormones that is causing this and it can and will pass.
Sounds like you've had challenges all the way with hormones! It's so strange how some of us get dealt that card and others sail through from puberty to menopause without a care...
I'm also on the regime from the Studd clinic, I see Mr Watson who is lovely and immediately changed me from Utrogestan to cyclogest (which I'd had during IVF treatment and knew I got on 'relatively' ok with in comparison)
perhaps contact the clinic again in the next few days to talk it through more and explain how scared you are? When I told Mr Watson that I was suicidal he acted quite decisively.
I hope others may jump in with some good advice for you,
As I say it did take me such a long time to really feel the full benefits of HRT and I thought about chucking it in so many times too. Like you I'd have a couple of goodish days and then plunge right back into all the symptoms again - I've had to fiddle around with the dosing of the estrogel and have landed at somewhere around 3.5 pumps per day. I now struggle most around days 15 to 18, which may be the ghost of ovulations past? I try to self isolate on those days as much as possible. But in general the combo of HRT and a low dose antidepressant has helped a lot in the end. There's much trial and error though unfortunately and it's hard to hold on feeling like it's never going to get better.
I'm not sure any of this is helpful to you, I do hope so.
But in any case I can say that I hear you, I get what you're going through and send a huge hug x
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Hi Eagle87, I'm glad you saw my reply, sorry I can't PM yet :-)
I'm so sorry you're struggling and feeling so low - that's exactly how I felt the first time I tried Utrogestan, feared for my sanity and also felt suicidal and panic stricken. I totally understand, as do most of us on here I'd imagine. You're not alone, you're not crazy, or overreacting, it's the imbalance of hormones that is causing this and it can and will pass.
Sounds like you've had challenges all the way with hormones! It's so strange how some of us get dealt that card and others sail through from puberty to menopause without a care...
I'm also on the regime from the Studd clinic, I see Mr Watson who is lovely and immediately changed me from Utrogestan to cyclogest (which I'd had during IVF treatment and knew I got on 'relatively' ok with in comparison)
perhaps contact the clinic again in the next few days to talk it through more and explain how scared you are? When I told Mr Watson that I was suicidal he acted quite decisively.
I hope others may jump in with some good advice for you,
As I say it did take me such a long time to really feel the full benefits of HRT and I thought about chucking it in so many times too. Like you I'd have a couple of goodish days and then plunge right back into all the symptoms again - I've had to fiddle around with the dosing of the estrogel and have landed at somewhere around 3.5 pumps per day. I now struggle most around days 15 to 18, which may be the ghost of ovulations past? I try to self isolate on those days as much as possible. But in general the combo of HRT and a low dose antidepressant has helped a lot in the end. There's much trial and error though unfortunately and it's hard to hold on feeling like it's never going to get better.
I'm not sure any of this is helpful to you, I do hope so.
But in any case I can say that I hear you, I get what you're going through and send a huge hug x
Hi
How did things get better?.did the good days just increase month by month? It's so hard to know how much longer to give it
How did u feel on cyclogest? I tried going down to 3 pumps but made me severely depressed and 5 pumps sky high anxiety so 4 pumps seems right
Which antidepressants are u on? I'm so scared of antidepressants cause of my experience in the past....xx
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How are you today?
Yes, exactly that - I began to notice over the months that I'd have more days of feeling fairly ok and the bad days have become less bad. I don't feel completely 'normal' as I did before perimenopause, but I can function again :-)
Like you I've had a bad run of hormone related issues and react very sensitively to medication, but I'm glad I did push through the initial reactions. I do think if you've had bad experiences with medications it's worth really insisting on time to discuss with both the clinic and your GP? You deserve to be properly supported and advised.
That's good you've noticed how you feel on various amounts of estrogel - it took me a long while to realise that I could slightly adjust up or down to find the right amount.
The cyclogest gives me what I'd class as mild pms symptoms - slight headache, bloating, tired, vivid dreams, bit teary, brain fog. But nothing like full on pmdd - no migraine, panic attacks, or desire to end it all. But even then I can only tolerate cyclogest for a maximum of 8 days (I've been too scared to push it any further) I know ideally I should be on progesterone for 11 days or so. But so far I'm ok on about 7 days and my uterine lining is not building up, so we'll see as time goes on.
I'm on 20mg Fluoxetine - again my GP wanted to try me on a different anti-depressant as Fluoxetine is a bit 'old fashioned' (GP's words) now. But I was scared too of feeling any worse and I'd had fluoxetine some years ago so felt I knew what to expect, so the GP was willing to prescribe.
I've also radically changed my routine and expectations of myself - I was always a very busy person, helping people out with anything they needed, over achieving at work, doing projects and voluntary stuff etc. and I've had to admit that I just can't cope with all that for the time being - I need to go to bed 2hrs earlier than I ever have before, I've cut back on overtime and just do basic hours, I keep life simple and just see a very few good friends who don't use up my energy and I say 'no' a lot more to all sorts of demands. All this has helped my anxiety no end...it's quite liberating in fact.
Do you have any consultations or GP appointments coming up, to get some help with all of this?
xx
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How are you today?
Yes, exactly that - I began to notice over the months that I'd have more days of feeling fairly ok and the bad days have become less bad. I don't feel completely 'normal' as I did before perimenopause, but I can function again :-)
Like you I've had a bad run of hormone related issues and react very sensitively to medication, but I'm glad I did push through the initial reactions. I do think if you've had bad experiences with medications it's worth really insisting on time to discuss with both the clinic and your GP? You deserve to be properly supported and advised.
That's good you've noticed how you feel on various amounts of estrogel - it took me a long while to realise that I could slightly adjust up or down to find the right amount.
The cyclogest gives me what I'd class as mild pms symptoms - slight headache, bloating, tired, vivid dreams, bit teary, brain fog. But nothing like full on pmdd - no migraine, panic attacks, or desire to end it all. But even then I can only tolerate cyclogest for a maximum of 8 days (I've been too scared to push it any further) I know ideally I should be on progesterone for 11 days or so. But so far I'm ok on about 7 days and my uterine lining is not building up, so we'll see as time goes on.
I'm on 20mg Fluoxetine - again my GP wanted to try me on a different anti-depressant as Fluoxetine is a bit 'old fashioned' (GP's words) now. But I was scared too of feeling any worse and I'd had fluoxetine some years ago so felt I knew what to expect, so the GP was willing to prescribe.
I've also radically changed my routine and expectations of myself - I was always a very busy person, helping people out with anything they needed, over achieving at work, doing projects and voluntary stuff etc. and I've had to admit that I just can't cope with all that for the time being - I need to go to bed 2hrs earlier than I ever have before, I've cut back on overtime and just do basic hours, I keep life simple and just see a very few good friends who don't use up my energy and I say 'no' a lot more to all sorts of demands. All this has helped my anxiety no end...it's quite liberating in fact.
Do you have any consultations or GP appointments coming up, to get some help with all of this?
xx
Hi... how are you ? Some people seem to just get better straight away on hrt and some like us gradually I just hate the bad days they are so scary... did u have pms before menopause?
I saw the psychiatrist today he didn't want to prescribe anything cause of my reactions in the past to antidepressants so he said just to wait for recovery and for the brain chemical to balance
So it's just hrt now.... I'm bleeding alot today from just 2 days of utrogestan
I hate the vivid dreams soooo much I find it horrible
How did u feel after 3 months on hrt ?
I cant wait for it to be better so I dont have to feel scared of bad days like now it's a rollercoaster
X