Menopause Matters Forum
General Discussion => New Members => Topic started by: Miabella on July 09, 2018, 07:28:26 AM
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Hi everyone,
I did write my first post last week before I noticed this newbie thread.
I am almost 57, had my last period a year ago. My family are husband, son 23 and daughter 12. Anxiety is my main problem - only started to address the possibility it could be due to menopause with my doctor a few weeks ago. She increased my AD dose - 4 weeks ago now - saw her last week and she wants me to continue with that for a few more weeks, also didn't want to start anything new when I was about to go on holiday.
My main concern right now is how I will cope with anxiety when I'm away. It often feels like working, looking after the house, and just the daily routines are what gets me through the bad spells and all these routines don't exist when you're on holiday. I can't relax when I feel bad so the normal stuff I'd do on holiday like reading probably won't be an option. Also I normally enjoy warmer climates but our recent hot spell in the UK has increased my sweats so am worried how will I cope with 2 weeks of hot weather. I feel so ungrateful not looking forward to a lovely holiday (and when the anxiety eases off I do want to go) and I don't want to spoil it for my husband and daughter. Anyone else had to cope with this and if so, any tips or suggestions?
Thank you all for being here and for reading this xx
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Hi miabella
I'm not sure I can help but thought I'd post.
I know exactly what your going through, when I have anxiety attacks, and I know when
there coming on,(most of the time anyway) I start going very quiet, hardly talk to anyone
only answering when I'm spoken to, because I'm trying to keep myself calm. I try to get away
from everyone even if it's just for a short time to sort my breathing out, (I've even sat on the
toilet, just to get away from everyone, no one can bother me there) ..
Do you talk about your feelings when the anxiety starts up to your husband?
I know sometimes, just admitting my feelings to my OH, can and does help, it's like I've opened
a shook up bottle of pop, and then took the lid off.....
That's mostly how I cope, doing the 4,7,8 breathing, and focusing on 3things, ‘what I hear, see, feel.'
Now that's a hard one if your minds racing, just trying to focus on three things, but if your mind
takes you somewhere else, then start again. It does work....
Try and get some ‘me' time on holiday, say, you stay at the hotel,while hubby takes the kids out?
For an hour or so......gives you some relaxing time.......
I really hope you have a lovely holiday, let us know how you get on,
Jd x
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Thank you so much jillydoll for taking the time to reply. I do talk to my husband and I know exactly what you mean by it having a diffusing effect - almost like when you speak all your anxious thoughts out loud and someone challenges them, they don't seem quite as bad. With the holiday stuff though I am trying not to say how I feel as he has a very stressful job, doesn't take much time off, and it will get him down if I tell him how I'm feeling.
In any case, he has already gone to our holiday destination (we are tagging it on after a work commitment of his) so the past couple of days it's just been me and my 12 year old daughter at home, and I don't want her to know how bad I feel either.
I have to confess I'm not good at trying things like the 3-2-1 when I feel really bad - feels like the last thing I could do - but I probably should try harder. My doctor prescribed me Diazepam, which I hate the thought of taking, but I will take them with me as a last resort.
Maybe once I get the journey over tomorrow the anxiety will ease up a bit.
Thanks again for your lovely reply x
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Ask your GP for an anti-anxiety medication. I have an emergency table to hand which I know works. As soon as I begin to feel ill I take one, it lasts 2 days .......... so I don't have to take extra.
Then once you are back from your holiday you can ask more informed questions from your GP. HRT and ADs together help some ladies, others need HRT so it's a bit of Trial and Error.
I used to dread holidays :'( and wish to be back home, so that I would know whether I had enjoyed myself ::) [clear as mud?]
Why as a last resort :-\. Why suffer? If you are hungry, do you not eat? If you have a headache, do you not ........ Codeine for example is highly addictive!
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I just have a fear of feeling spaced out - which I think would send my anxiety through the roof. Is Diazepam (2mg) not an anti-anxiety med? I guess I say last resort as I feel I'd be losing control of my life, not able to drive etc.
Thanks for your post xx
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Valium is a relaxant. It is used as a pre-med in some Hospitals. Why not try 5mg at night B4 you go away? I don't feel spaced out on anything, a bit hung over sometimes but it's better than the anxiety.
Depending on your holiday plans too .........
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I was given 6 diazepam 2mg in A&E one night last year. Took one, it knocked me out and then when I woke I was utterly foggy, weak, and fatigued for at least 3 days. Needless to say, the other 5 have remained in their packet! I would only take them as an absolute last resort. Once you're on holiday and have been there a day or so, your anxiety may reduce as you relax?
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This is my fear, that's why they are definitely last resort. Yes, I'm hoping once the journey is over and the holiday kicks in then fingers crossed I'll feel better
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You're right about sunbathing and using distraction Jeaniewigs. Good advice . Thank you x
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Awake at 4am, anxiety bad. Suitcase packed with god knows what clothes- just have no interest when I feel so anxious, which is so not like me. Having to force myself to do everything - does anxiety affect others in this way? I try just to keep pushing myself to do everything I need to. Don't know if it makes the anxiety lift any sooner but feel i'd Feel worse if I don't keep trying to function normally.
I am hoping so much this is just a bad few days.....
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Thanks Jeaniewigs. You're right, but one of the nasty tricks anxiety plays on you is to make you afraid to makes plans in case you don't feel well enough to carry them out. Knowing there are things I ‘have' to do come what may, increases my anxiousness. That said, it's also true that it's keeping busy that provides the distractions I need. It's such a battle going on in your head when you feel like this.
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Distraction never worked for me :'(. However, I learnt over the years to pack in 'good time' so that I didn't get stressed about it. Like you, I would have no idea what was in the case if I left it too late :-\.
Miabella - I could have written all your remarks thus far .......... when I'm not anxious I could take on The World ::). Many times I went because my DH required a break, dreaded it until we were on the way home. I would then be exhausted for 4/5 days after ........ sometimes though the anxiety went and I actually enjoyed it.
When do you go away?
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Flight is today at 3pm. My DH is already there (we're tagging our holiday on at the end of a work trip of his) so it's myself and my daughter travelling. She's 12 so is pretty self-sufficient when travelling but I'm still dreading the journey.
Hopefully I will have some better days while away. I'm trying to think about the next hour rather than the next week - hard for a worrier but anxiety is so unpredictable (for me anyway) that it is pointless to think any other way.
My mother suffered from anxiety and never wanted to go on holiday if she felt bad. I used to say to her ‘Well if you are going to feel bad anyway, you might as well feel bad in a warm, sunny place, than at home' Now I know how she felt. She did also go sometimes for my dad's sake. My fear is that not having my normal routine to keep me busy while away will make me worse and I think that was hers too. But at least I know that I need to keep up my walking while away, eat regularly, etc etc
PS. I did do most of my packing while feeling ok. Just the last minute things that will be dodgy
Thanks for your post x
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You will probably be off towards the air port now. Let us know how you get on ........
When I think how I made suggestions to lift my Dad out of depression :'( and realised when I was stricken how difficult it is simply to get out of bed :-\ ........
Out of my routine even to go to the dentist or GP Surgery throws me sometimes. Bugga :-\ :'(. I try not to be more than 5 hours away from home.
:hug:
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Thanks CLKD, you are so supportive on this forum.
Made it here (Italy), last night - felt better on journey than I expected. Actually woke without the morning dreads but they have slowly crept up on me again. It's my daughter's birthday today - would so love to have an anxiety-free day......
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Glad you got there ok Miabella. Take little steps and hope you have a lovely time x
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Thanks Dotty. You're right. Shouldn't think further than the next hour. X
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Hi everyone,
I did write my first post last week before I noticed this newbie thread.
I am almost 57, had my last period a year ago. My family are husband, son 23 and daughter 12. Anxiety is my main problem - only started to address the possibility it could be due to menopause with my doctor a few weeks ago. She increased my AD dose - 4 weeks ago now - saw her last week and she wants me to continue with that for a few more weeks, also didn't want to start anything new when I was about to go on holiday.
My main concern right now is how I will cope with anxiety when I'm away. It often feels like working, looking after the house, and just the daily routines are what gets me through the bad spells and all these routines don't exist when you're on holiday. I can't relax when I feel bad so the normal stuff I'd do on holiday like reading probably won't be an option. Also I normally enjoy warmer climates but our recent hot spell in the UK has increased my sweats so am worried how will I cope with 2 weeks of hot weather. I feel so ungrateful not looking forward to a lovely holiday (and when the anxiety eases off I do want to go) and I don't want to spoil it for my husband and daughter. Anyone else had to cope with this and if so, any tips or suggestions?
Thank you all for being here and for reading this xx
You mention that you have just realised with your doctor that your anxiety could be due to the menopause and I am wondering how long you have taken the anti-depressants for? The reason I ask is that since 2015 especially the new NICE Guidelines on menopause do say that these should not be given as first line of treatment for menopausal symptoms but HRT instead - provided there is no medical reason not to take them.
Many doctors unfortunately still seem to be unaware of these guidelines and continue to prescribe ADs only. Low oestrogen ( and previously the fluctuations in peri-menopause) is well recognised as a cause of anxiety and sometimes even depression - if women have not suffered this before in their lives.
Now you are aware of it - perhaps you might like to consider HRT as CLKD suggests? This would be a better treatment than increasing dose of ADs and of course should eliminate flushes and sweats too.
Concentrate on enjoying your holiday now - taking all the advice you have been given and then when you get home maybe think about HRT if your doc hasn;t already mentioned it?
I always worry (for ages) before going on holiday abroad - and I don't suffer from anxiety - all the packing and the organisation and travelling - but once I have left the house and locked the door behind me - I love it!
Have a wonderful day with your daughter on her birthday - Italy sounds lovely :)
Hurdity x
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It won't hurt to continue with the ADs. Regardless of causation. Worry and anxiety are totally different, I have both ..... worry doesn't make me queasy it stays in my head if that makes sense. Some ladies need HRT, HRT/ADs or ADs alone. It's trial and error but something to discuss with your GP on your return.
Happy Birthday to your daughter :cake: and a :bighug: 4 you. It could be cortisol that causes the anxiety surges, lack of sustenance at the correct time, being in a strange place, different routine ........... and breath ;-)
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Hi Hurdity,
As I have a history of anxiety, and when all this kicked off last autumn I was very worried about a close family member, I really didn't think anything about it being related to the menopause. It was only once that worrying time passed and I wasn't getting any better, plus by then the night sweats had started, that I started to wonder if the menopause was a factor.
I only brought this up with the doctor about 4 weeks ago and she said that it was less easy to assume menopause if I've had anxiety before and that the first thing to try was an increase in my Citalopram. I honestly thought that would do the trick. She said to give it 3 weeks, which I did then went back, and unfortunately by then it was too close to my holiday to start me on something new (I was with her on that as I know sometimes you feel worse before better) so we agreed to keep on with ADs until I get back, at which point she will be fine for me to try HRT.
So my problem really is coping with being on holiday while feeling like this. I'm rubbish company, and the long, lazy days which I'd normally love seem like endless endurance tests when I feel bad. I usually feel better by late afternoon or evening - thank goodness or I'd go mad.
Like so many others have said though, just writing these posts and hearing all the words of empathy, advice and encouragement helps so much. I never would have thought just writing things down would help so much and I'm so glad you're all there. I hope to be able to support others myself once I get myself sorted out!
Yes Italy is beautiful though not great for the sweats!
Xx
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My worst time is anything after 3.30 a.m. and I improve during the day. I think it's because my committments get less towards evening by which time I am a different person. I have learnt (in the 1990s) never to say 'yes' to anything in the evening as by morning it will prove impossible. Endurance covers it really well ........... when really ill with anxiety I can't look any further forwards than 20 mins. :'(.
How's your eating pattern? If the body is hungry it can cause anxiety surges. What safe food have you got to nibble on?
How's the weather ;-). Birthday Girl happy?
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I too am 2 different people with anxiety.
Yesterday was better than the previous few days - still had the morning dreads but not so severe and the worst spells were over by about midday? Also noticed had less hot rushes, despite being in 30 degree plus temperatures and no night sweats really either. So is my anxiety controlled by the same hormones as those causing my other menopausal symptoms?
Daughter had a good birthday. She has been a real lifeline to me these last few days Bless her - I put on a braver face when she's around which helps me not let the anxiety get too strong a hold I think. Hubby finishes his work stint today too so that takes a bit of pressure off me knowing he will now be with us all the time.
I've had lots of words of encouragement and advice from you all over the past few days. I so appreciate them it helps a lot. Thank you. Xx
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Cortisol is one hormone that wakes us and can cause anxiety.
Where in Italy are you? I would love to visit the Lakes but anxiety stops me even considering any arrangements :'(. I did go when I was 18 ......
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How does one deal with Cortisol? I have been taking a Propranolol last thing and also when I wake up but haven't actually ever felt they help me much. I don't have palpitations, more a tightness around my heart, so maybe that's why they seem to have very little effect.
We are in Tuscany. I totally understand as you know why you feel unable to plan ahead. Maybe you could arrange a very short trip sometime? Have been to the Italian lakes and it's beautiful there. Much cooler than further south too
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That sounds lovely. I am watching le Tour from the comfort of our sofa ;-).
Cortisol arrives with me in great surges. I can feel hot water in my veins, it scared me initially until I realised what it was. 20mg Propranolol at night helps to ease those surges. Initially it was 80mg twice a day (2002) then dropped to 40mg at night which I halved due to background headaches on walking. Now it's 20mg. Plus an AD, 10mg at night and 5 at breakfast. Also I have to keep grazing to stop that awful nausea when my body gets hungry.
What's the view like this morning? Post card please ;D
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Now moved to our 2nd place in Tuscany where we'll be for the rest of the holiday. Internet access limited though.
Was shocked as slept until just before 8am this morning - first time in weeks I've managed to get beyond 5.30 or earlier. Scared to hope that maybe finally after 4 weeks the increased dose of AD is kicking in or that this bad spell is over. So nice to feel something close to my old self though.
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Enjoy! Don't do too much or you will use up your energy ;)
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That's good news Miabella hope it continues for the rest of your holiday enjoy.
Lanzalover x
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Really good to hear that Miabella.
Carry on doing what your doing, it's working lol
Enjoy the rest of your holiday, wish I was there....lol
Jd x
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I was reading your post with interest. I find before a holiday the thought of making it happen increases my anxiety but after a few days I always sleep better and therefore feel better then things improve. I think lack of sleep plays a huge part in fuelling anxiety; especially if it is already high. As you are generally doing more walking and are more distracted on holiday I usually eventually get a longer and better sleep. After a bad period of insomnia I now take some Nytol and GP sleeping table on holiday. I rarely use them but it helps knowing they are there. I remember a tough day at Logoland on only a zero sleep night. I get so cross with myself. Do let us know how you got on.