Menopause Matters Forum
General Discussion => This 'n' That => Topic started by: Tiddles on May 29, 2018, 07:28:06 AM
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Morning all
I was posting on another thread ("Losing your looks") about how I don't mind the idea of becoming invisible as I age if it stops people being overly interested in me - something I dislike about living in the countryside where everyone wants to know your business. And it started me wondering about others' experience. Has anyone else moved from the town or suburbs to the countryside and found it's not for them? Did you move back?
We moved 3.5 hours away from the congested south east a year ago but have decided to move back next year for a number of reasons, the main one being we really miss our nearest and dearest and miss not being able to see them spontaneously. It always has to be a pre-planned weekend visit and with busy lives - ours and theirs - it's difficult to pull off. We've given it a lot of thought and believe we will regret the time not spent with our nearest and dearest more than we will miss living in the countryside. So we're moving back next year.
We moved in pursuit of the country cottage idyllic lifestyle. We have the cottage, the countryside, the peace and quiet, the lack of traffic, the slower pace of life but we can't stand the way everyone knows your business, and not because they care or are interested in you as they never follow up on anything you share and ask you how it's going. They seem to just want to be the first person to have new information that they can pass on.
It's a rural hamlet of 9 houses. Everyone but us is retired. We've had people watching what our builders are doing with binoculars from across the field, climbing on step ladders to peer over the fence and see the changes we've made in the back garden, asking my boss at work how I'm getting on and every club I join seems to have someone in it who knows someone in the hamlet so everyone also knows what I do out of work.
They all know the receptionist at the local doctor's surgery in the village and I've heard this receptionist gossiping about other patients' health issues with them! Fortunately I witnessed this before we'd registered at the surgery in time for us to register at a different one - God knows what they would have made of all my meno symptoms !!!
I recently passed someone in the lane that I barely know who started fingering my hair and said "Oh yes, whatshisname (another neighbour) said you'd changed your hair colour ..." Honestly, how can that be interesting enough to discuss !
Anyway, it's off topic but an interesting subject (to me anyway!) so just wondered what other people have experienced ? xxx
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Hell for me too this time around tiddles,all the same story and don't even consider the local pub it was like a hotbed of gossip.The postman knew everything asked what was in your parcels today then it's came all the way from India must be interesting etc.
I honestly couldn't get back to town living quick enough,I can't carry heavy bags so I used to just get a few things daily as it made me go out daily anyway and each time I came back there would be someone lurking with the “oh shopping again “questions.
No it definately wasn't for me I've done it twice over the years and I'm settled where I am now,on the outskirts of the town but five mins in my car to the centre.Ive got great neighbours who respect my privacy but are there if and when we need each other,I also can't stand door knockers who want to sit and drink my tea all invade my space all day so I discourage that wherever I live.x
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Ahhh thank you Daisydot - makes me feel more normal, knowing I'm not the only one !!! xxx
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If people weren't nosey and just got on with their lives would you have enjoyed countryside living?
I've thought about it but I think I'd be bored.
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No I found it too lonely and I felt isolated both times,I gave it a fair shot but it wasn't for me.
I had a really bad accident and as I lay there on my own it hit me like a ton of bricks,I wasn't near family or hospitals and had to drive like that all down windy country lanes to get medical help,never again.x
I'm not trying to offend anyone if it works for you fabulous but I'm just telling my experience of it.x
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I imagine it must be rather claustrophobic living in such a tiny hamlet as you describe and that everybody would know your business. We have plenty of little villages like that around here which dont have a pub, shop or anything else.
I live in the country but in a very large village with several shops, businesses, pub, school, nursery school, good bus route etc. So its quite different. I know most of the real local people and a few of the people in newer homes which have been built in the last 20 years.
There are tradesmen in our village for every service needed and there are hairdressers, beauticians, therapists etc and apart from clothes we can buy everything in the village if necessary.
The village does care about people. A young woman had a stillborn son a couple of years ago and the whole village swung into action and raised about £14,000 in a few weeks to donate to Stillbirth and Neonatal Death charity. Today I'm dogsitting here for a friend who is having chemo. There is always someone who will help out if needed. If you walk to the shops or Post Office 99% of people you meet will say hello. The exception is young people who have their earphones in and dont even make eye contact.
I couldnt live in a town personally. i dont like all the traffic nor the car fumes.
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No I found it too lonely and I felt isolated both times,I gave it a fair shot but it wasn't for me.
I had a really bad accident and as I lay there on my own it hit me like a ton of bricks,I wasn't near family or hospitals and had to drive like that all down windy country lanes to get medical help,never again.x
I'm not trying to offend anyone if it works for you fabulous but I'm just telling my experience of it.x
I think that because you live in such a small community. That wouldnt happen here for sure. There are always people about and they would definitely help.
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Hi Littleminne. It's a good point and one hubbby and I have talked about but the main reason for moving is to be back near F&F. We figure we can go to the country from the town for walks, breaks etc but if we miss out on time with our F&F, we can never get that back and will regret it.
I was supposed to be retiring when we moved here but went back to work within 3 months. All my working life I've dreamed of being able to retire (like many people) and pursue hobbies and interests then when I did, I realised work gave me far more than just a pay packet and more that I gave it credit for :-) It's all been a big journey of self discovery tbh. But I was totally unprepared for the level of intrusion - I didn't see that coming ! xxx
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I don't live there now penny and I honestly wouldn't have wanted any of those people near me I moved two weeks after accident,I moved into a retirement community surrounded by countryside again but five minutes in the car to the centre of town and plenty of small local shops around me that I can walk to if I choose to so really I feel I have the best of both worlds now and I'm very happy here.,my neighbours respect each other's privacy but they don't half really round if required as I do.
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Tiddles I thought you meant Florence and Fred at first ,Asda lol took me a few seconds to work out friends and family,the joys of old age lol.
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;D ;D ;D ;D
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No I found it too lonely and I felt isolated both times,I gave it a fair shot but it wasn't for me.
I had a really bad accident and as I lay there on my own it hit me like a ton of bricks,I wasn't near family or hospitals and had to drive like that all down windy country lanes to get medical help,never again.x
I'm not trying to offend anyone if it works for you fabulous but I'm just telling my experience of it.x
That must have been horrible Daisydot :-( I'm happy to hear you're happy where you are now :-)
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Heavens the people in your hamlet must have such boring lives that all they can do is peer into other people's! I have lived in the country for most of my life (and most of this in the SW - except for parts of childhood) and this doesn't seem like the norm to me. I live in a small village ( small than Pennyfarthing's as it doesn't have all the amenities) but people are really freindly and look out for each other. Our cats are always fed when we go away, or garden is watered (vegetables picked too!), when we are out our parcels are taken and then brought round later. I go to fitness classes with my neighbours and people of all ages are friendly towards each other. Maybe it's something to do with SW England - you don't seem to get that sort of petty stuff at all, and people aren't that trivial - in my experience. Neighbours and villagers - both long-standing residents from these parts - and incomers, are genuinely interested in us our lives and how we are, (and others) and never intrusive. I haven't heard this complaint from others in different villages either. I wouldn't swap this lifestyle for anything (except ill health - if I/we needed to be near doctors and facilities in old age)! Great place to live! Just wanting to give a positive view!!
Hurdity x :)
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Oh no Hurdity - don't get me wrong - there are many, many lovely things about country life and I have met many lovely people and made 2 good friends I know I will keep when we move. The reason we're moving is not because of these neighbours, it's the distance from our family. In many ways I wish I'd grown up here and had my children here and they were nearby, then I would have the best of all possible worlds and we wouldn't be a novelty to the neighbours attracting so much interest :-) And I think the neighbours here are extreme !! But I'm definitely not dissing the countryside per se :-) x
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Morning all
I was posting on another thread ("Losing your looks") about how I don't mind the idea of becoming invisible as I age if it stops people being overly interested in me - something I dislike about living in the countryside where everyone wants to know your business. And it started me wondering about others' experience. Has anyone else moved from the town or suburbs to the countryside and found it's not for them? Did you move back?
We moved 3.5 hours away from the congested south east a year ago but have decided to move back next year for a number of reasons, the main one being we really miss our nearest and dearest and miss not being able to see them spontaneously. It always has to be a pre-planned weekend visit and with busy lives - ours and theirs - it's difficult to pull off. We've given it a lot of thought and believe we will regret the time not spent with our nearest and dearest more than we will miss living in the countryside. So we're moving back next year.
We moved in pursuit of the country cottage idyllic lifestyle. We have the cottage, the countryside, the peace and quiet, the lack of traffic, the slower pace of life but we can't stand the way everyone knows your business, and not because they care or are interested in you as they never follow up on anything you share and ask you how it's going. They seem to just want to be the first person to have new information that they can pass on.
It's a rural hamlet of 9 houses. Everyone but us is retired. We've had people watching what our builders are doing with binoculars from across the field, climbing on step ladders to peer over the fence and see the changes we've made in the back garden, asking my boss at work how I'm getting on and every club I join seems to have someone in it who knows someone in the hamlet so everyone also knows what I do out of work.
They all know the receptionist at the local doctor's surgery in the village and I've heard this receptionist gossiping about other patients' health issues with them! Fortunately I witnessed this before we'd registered at the surgery in time for us to register at a different one - God knows what they would have made of all my meno symptoms !!!
I recently passed someone in the lane that I barely know who started fingering my hair and said "Oh yes, whatshisname (another neighbour) said you'd changed your hair colour ..." Honestly, how can that be interesting enough to discuss !
Anyway, it's off topic but an interesting subject (to me anyway!) so just wondered what other people have experienced ? xxx
Hi Tiddles,
I moved from Melbourne to a tiny country town 4 hours drive away. It's not even a town as there is nothing here expect a CFA shed (Country Fire Authority). My husband's family have farmed here since 1856. My kids have 3700 acres to roam around on. It's heaven to me. I hate leaving the farm and going into town that being 35 minutes drive away. Everyone knows my business. What they don't know, they will make up. I can't stand it. I would never move back to Melbourne because we can't shift the farm, but it would be nice to go incognito for awhile.
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No I found it too lonely and I felt isolated both times,I gave it a fair shot but it wasn't for me.
I had a really bad accident and as I lay there on my own it hit me like a ton of bricks,I wasn't near family or hospitals and had to drive like that all down windy country lanes to get medical help,never again.x
I'm not trying to offend anyone if it works for you fabulous but I'm just telling my experience of it.x
Daisydot I love the feeling of being isolated. But in saying that, I have my husband, boys and loads of animals to keep me company. And if anything were to go wrong, I have my husband and workers who could assist me. As much as I love it now, I do worry about the future. I could not live this far out of town by myself. Like you were, I am nowhere near my family, hospitals or grocery stores. I would have to move back to the city.
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I don't live there now penny and I honestly wouldn't have wanted any of those people near me I moved two weeks after accident,I moved into a retirement community surrounded by countryside again but five minutes in the car to the centre of town and plenty of small local shops around me that I can walk to if I choose to so really I feel I have the best of both worlds now and I'm very happy here.,my neighbours respect each other's privacy but they don't half really round if required as I do.
Oh Daisydot, I am pleased to hear you have found a place to live where you feel happy and respected! X
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Tiddles, I don't think the level of curiosity your neighbours display is unusual in many rural areas, but the lack of care for you is. I've lived in rural areas most of my life and in 'real' villages (places where people still live and work instead of just places people retire to/have holiday homes) there has always been a lot of real concern behind the curiosity. When someone is ill or bereaved, people rally round, if you go on holiday, there is always someone to water the plants or feed pets and the extreme curiosity also means that people tend to know if the person on a ladder outside your house is the builder/window cleaner or a burglar!
Personally, I wouldn't want to live anywhere else. I've lived in big cities, towns and villages and the more rural the better for me. But it does take a certain mindset and if you are from a city background, you have to be prepared for very big changes. I always think anyone planning a move like this should maybe rent a place for a month in the winter (maybe January or February) and see how they get on. I've seen a lot of people who love holidaying in the country in summer decide they'd like to live there all year and they often don't last the first winter!
It can be a little frustrating if you are in a hurry to post a parcel and have to wait while Mrs A shows the staff photos of her latest grandchild and Mr B describes his new arthritis treatment, but I'd rather that than an impersonal service where no one knows or cares about anyone else.
It's good that different people like different places to live though - if everyone lived in the country, it would be so overcrowded it would be like town and none of us would like that!
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It's good that different people like different places to live though - if everyone lived in the country, it would be so overcrowded it would be like town and none of us would like that
That's so accurate Dorothy,I don't mean to rubbish it or offend as I said previously,when I was in Scotland my children were brought up in a lovely rural cottage with only about a dozen houses on the road and being all farm hands and us townies from Glasgow they so looked after us it was lovely but I was so lonely with husband on the oil rigs and 2 small children I needed to be back near my family which I did after five years there.
The last house was a huge mistake for me my cats are my life now and I'd one neighbour who got great delight out of telling me the death toll of all the cats on the road at front of house even though she knew it distressed me.Then unfortunately the accident hit home about just how isolated I was so it was the best descision for us.Id never go back to that life now but that's my choice.xx
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May I giggle ;)
We aren't all like that in the countryside. I was raised in the deepest Fens ........ it is said that everyone there goes 'high 6' ;). People kept themselves to themselves but still seemed to know B4 we did, when we changed our socks.
They seem to just want to be the first person to have new information that they can pass on.
. Yep. We had a neighbour like that when we moved here in 1980s, once she knew 'everything' she didn't bother with us again. I soon found out the people who were genuine.
The countryside ain't peaceful either. Birds sing; day and night. Sheep bleat. Pigs snort. Horses etc. etc., etc. and don't get me started on the cockerel at 3.30 a.m. ::) ;D. Dogs barking are my main problem, owners leave them outside for hours ...... and go away to work!!!
We had the problem with the GP Receptionist talking about my neighbour, I put them right! Told them that she wouldn't be pleased when I went back and told her the results of her tests B4 she knew them. As a medical secretary I was very aware that they were speaking out of turn. Also we could hear everything said in the consulting room so they put a radio in to cover conversations.
Right - off to read the replies thus far ;-)
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My neighbours don't bring our council bins in unless asked
They don't water my plant pots the way I would do it ......
They don't feed my wild birds
In the 1990s my car remained on our driveway for 3 months without being moved. Not one of the people down our road noticed :'(
If it ain't going to make scandal people don't want to know ::).
Broad band comes and goes. We have a GP Surgery, busy shop which sells most of what we need including the post office. Pub is trying to make a go of it. Nearest towns are 7, 13 or 4 miles away where the main Surgery is situated. Library still operates. 2 good Vet. Practicies 4 miles away. Garden centres 4+ miles away. Lovely scenery. Lots of pretty towns and I'm not a town person but there are a few I could move to if I had to do so. Charity shops++.
As 4 rifling through your hair to make a comment about the colour, I would have used my knee/fist! That isn't 'normal' behaviour where-ever one lives!
I like visiting towns. I like museums, Council parks, river walks, different shops: i.e. Warwick, Leamington Spa, Banbury, as well as driving to the North for holidays. We usually stay in a village so that we have towns/cities to investigate.
We live 2 hours drive from those we *have* to visit regularly. They don't travel this way as they are too old ;). It means that we can live how we like to without them passing comment and they won't be dropping by.
Right now a male blackbird is singing in a bush behind me, a robin is calling his young out of the nest and it's drizzling ......
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As 4 rifling through your hair to make a comment about the colour, I would have used my knee/fist! That isn't 'normal' behaviour where-ever one lives!
Your plain scary CLKD ::)🙀
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Us Fenlanders have to know how to defend ourselves ;D - think Hereward the Wake ......... :whist: one wouldn't touch another person unless one really knows them!!
Countryside is lovely until it snows ;)
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Us Fenlanders have to know how to defend ourselves ;D - think Hereward the Wake ......... :whist: one wouldn't touch another person unless one really knows them!!
Countryside is lovely until it snows ;)
a lot of the Fen villages are built alongside roads or droves arent they? I have often remarked when we drive that way that it seems an odd way to live all in a row. Our village is very large and sprawling and we have lots of lanes, a few housing estates, some “lokes†and more isolated dwellings. We do have a village centre which is good though.
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We moved from a busy city to semi rural life. Fine. We live on a new housing development where the community within the estate is beginning to grow slowly. These things always take time. People will say hello and pass the time of day. This area has been designed along the lines of a garden suburb where there are many open green spaces and it is not simply lines upon lines of houses all the same. Care has gone into the design. The biggest bug bear is the hostility of the locals from the nearby village. They did not want this development to be built and strongly opposed it. The planning went through nearly 20 years ago but the hard core of locals still live with animosity against anyone remotely connected with our area. The library, some local retailers and our local parish council treat residents living on this development like lepers. It has given the local community a lot of money through Section 106 agreements and the local precept via the council tax we all pay. Yet if anyone from this development wants to use the facilities or join any clubs within the village faces are pulled and you are told there is a waiting list. Needless to say any incorrectly delivered post is treated with distaste and redirected with such anger the contents of the envelope is scored and damaged as the pen has been used with such force I hope they protected their table top. The parish council have one answer no and never to any request or suggestion. I love my area but find village life and people archaic and wanting. Offcumduns are we and proud of it!!!
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Completely forget what I said on the other thread'places youd live'
I'll stay in the city, sounds better. ;D
Most people just ignore you, they couldn't care less about your hair colour,
or what you've had for dinner...lol...
Most people keep themselves to themselves..getting on with their own lives. :)
I'll stay here, pollution an all....lol
Jd x. :rofl:
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I live on the outskirts of a town, the farmer at the end of the road has been out cutting grass today and has now spread something very smelly over it >:( so there is noise and pollution everywhere ::)
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That's not pollution Two Hoots that's muck ;D - it's happened local to us this evening too and don't get me started on the smell of oil seed rape after the rain :-X
Krystal - sounds par for the course sadly. What ever locals 'say' regarding planning, it's likely to go to the Government who will tick 'yes', knowing full well that Parish and Local Councils have no money to fight that decision. For years locally we were told by Anglia Water that the area cannot take any more housing - well it has and AW have changed their minds .......... also Councils get monies from those moving into new housing developments, I can't see for the Life of me what it's spent on though >:(. Get onto the Parish Council ;-)
20 years ago a new 'village' was built about 15 miles from here. But there was no GP Surgery, Library, Bus route .......... a small area for children to play in. But no one wanted to move there as there was no 'heart'! The nearest town was 8 miles away ::)
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It's the cottage itself which I find hardest. Only ever lived in fairly modern 1970s + houses before.
Was not prepared for the relentless dust, slug trails, woodlice, occasional larger visitors ( who occasionally die in unknown locations stinking the place out) which come with ‘original Victorian features' such as original quarry tiles laid to earth etc...
It's okay in winter with the fire lit, ventilating everything, it's okay when it's really hot in summer,but otherwise is hard to manage. Much smaller than my previous home, thought cleaning would be easier, but it is a non-stop cycle here rather than a weekly job.
Small rural town, in the sticks, not too much nosiness.
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Agree Hezzalady67 I felt like I cleaned non stop especially with a wood burner,well dual fuel actually,huge big inglenook fireplace it was so dusty and the dark brown beams in the cottage were like cobweb heaven.I'm just too used to mod cons I guess and prefer the clean look on my walls and central heating and don't not even go there with the visitors my eyes were constantly revolving I was scared of everything crawleys I'd never seen before would turn up in my cup or on my bedside cabinet you could hear the screams for miles lol typical townie I guess lol.
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We have a wood burner, fitted 19 months ago. Love it. We had new fireplace built 15 years ago and never lit the fire.
When we lived in a Georgian Mansion there were quarry tiles. Throughout the ground-floor. With very old thread-bare carpets across. The romantic in my thought that I would love to 'do up' a cottage, after living there for several years I changed my mind. It was cold. The tiles needed cleaning and polishing - I did it once. They were so old that there were pitted up the middle after Centuries of being walked on, guess where the dust collected ::). I would never buy a thatched property due to fire risk.
We loved it there despite the cold ;D. Now we have oil-fired central heating and the woodturner. Large rooms which we have filled with stuff! Wall-2-wall carpets or wooden floors downstairs, carpets up. Still makes dust ::)
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I would never live in a thatched cottage either. My DH as a police officer and my son as a retained fire fighter attended too many thatched houses destroyed by fire. They do look lovely though. I'd rather appreciate them from the outside than live in them. We came to our village in 1986 just for 5 years and we are still here! Our bungalow isn't anything special and I would love to throw a load of money at it, but we are very happy here. Beautiful countryside, some lovely neighbours, though we have had some problems years back. People seem to care here on the whole. My parents were critical of our decision to live away from facilities. They aren't now. They aren't able to walk to the shops now and have to go by car, which takes ages because of the traffic. Much easier for me driving 5 miles along country roads to the nearest supermarket! There is a big difference between our village where the population is changeable to the nearest village where families have lived there for generations. New people are still new 20 years on!
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Yep, same here - unless your children and grandchildren have been to the village school, don't even consider yourselves accepted ;D
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Here's a good one. We lived in a small country cottage when I had my second son.it was all farmers we lived alongside and of course the farm workers.one of the wives worked in the local chemist it was like a hotpot of gossip in there.I had to go in one day after my son was born and get condoms which I hated doing so anyway I said to her morning Mrs Robinson could I have a packet of condoms please,she replied smirking and what size would you like so I thought for a minute then said well I'd say he's about average size but I dont really know,I thought she was going to choke she spluttered no 3 pack or 6 pack lol.i don't know who's face was the reddest but I'll bet that was the hottest story for weeks after,my poor husband said what do you bloody mean “average†:rofl:
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Ha ha ha Daisydot, thats brilliant 😂😂😂 Ive just snorted the pineapple, banana and coconut smoothie Im drinking at Fleet services out of my nose !!
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Lol Tiddles glad I wasn't within firing range sounds lovely though lol
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LOL @ tiddles story !!! X
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:lol:
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Loving that story! ;D
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Daisydot, I'd love to have been a fly on the shop wall, what a pity you didn't ask for extra large ;D imaging how fast that gossip would have spread :o
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:rofl:
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I was brought up not to lie like that Two hoots he did well getting average :rofl:
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Ohhh too much information ;D ::) :'(
:safe:
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A few years ago, I moved from a busy suburb to a small rural town thinking the slower pace would be a dream. While the quiet was nice at first, the lack of privacy was a shock—people knew things about my life I hadn’t even shared! I once had a neighbor comment on a package I received before I even opened it myself. It felt like everyone was watching, and not in a caring way, just curious for gossip.
After two years, I ended up moving back closer to friends and family for the same reasons you’re describing. It was tough to realize the countryside wasn’t for me, but the sense of connection and spontaneity with loved ones outweighed the rural perks. If you’re planning a move back, planning well ahead helped me a lot—especially budgeting for movers and other costs. I found this guide handy for estimating moving expenses: https://threemovers.com/tennessee-movers-cost/ (https://threemovers.com/tennessee-movers-cost/).
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I grew up in an environment like that, where everyone knew everyone and gossiped and criticised constantly. I hear people talk about the good old days when they lived in each others houses, but to me those days were horrible. I prefer the anonymity of not knowing my neighbours and knowing they aren't picking my life apart.
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Did U stay Minicat?
Fen roads still have houses along them because it was easier to access the very muddy tracks! Which eventually became tarmacced. [sp].
The problem with new-builds is that they cause flooding many miles down the system. Villages are no longer small and friendly even when that friendliness is about everyone knowing everything.
Properties built 200+ years ago have in recent years been badly affected :'(. Also as stated previously, quarry tiles directly onto dirt floors and some built with thick stone walls. Bit like a cave, same temperature all year round ::)
When we moved here in the 1980s it was a small village, in the last 5-6 years estates have been built: Little boxes, Little boxes, Little boxes all made of ticky tacky ! We would move to a remoter place with a view except that we have a very good dentist, a good GP Surgery, access to the Midlands and would need to get to a Hospital as we age. The Isle of Skye is too far from Inverness :D
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I tried moving to a small rural village a few years back because I wanted some peace and space, but the constant curiosity from neighbors took me by surprise. Even things like changing curtains or having someone deliver a parcel would spark a round of “have you got news?” I missed the anonymity of city life, not to mention being close to family and having spontaneous plans without driving hours. It definitely got lonely too, especially when things got tough and family wasn’t close by.
When I needed help switching back, I had to look into companies that specialized in relocations, and along the way I came across some advice about the Best Moving Leads Providers. Really useful info if you’re thinking of making a big move and want to avoid extra hassle.