Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => All things menopause => Topic started by: SueLW on May 02, 2018, 01:24:22 PM
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I was struck down by menopause at age 49.5 and I'm 55 this weekend. It's been an awful time. I've lost my confidence, suffered horrible anxiety and depression. Loss of drive, ambition and almost total loss of energy. I've ballooned in size, can't take part in things and don't want to go anywhere. My thyroid is under performing. I can barely walk around. I struggle to work. My house and garden are a total mess. I've nearly bankrupted myself trying to get well and still sick. I've given up all I loved. I was heavily involved with amateur theatre both production and stage side. I haven't even been able to face going to the theatre for 4 years. I founded and ran a monthly hula hoop dance class and taught hooping for years. That had to go when I could no longer get up the stairs to the room without dragging myself up on the handrail. Cross country walks stopped when my legs turned to lead.
BUT the part that hurts the most is that my closest friends just will not even try to take it seriously. They have decided I'm a hypochondriac (with no past history of this at all) and just roll their eyes and change the subject if I mention anything about it. When I meet them they say "How are you" and if I dare to try to tell them I'm cut off mid-sentance and the subject is changed. I met with 2 this morning and was brushed off very quickly when I arrived panting from a short walk and needing to sit down. I was also feeling tearful today with pounding heart so had to fight hard not to cry.
Much later on one of them said "well I'm going through the menopause now and I'm sailing through it". I looked at her and said "you might not want to say that in front of me or I might have to kill you". She just looked smug.
Why am I getting the blame for the ruination of my life!!!? Why don't they even try to understand what's happened to me?
Feeling fed up. I am not a waster. I never was and I'm still not.
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I feel for you and hope that things improve soon. Are you on hrt or taking supplements? Is your GP understanding?
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So sorry to hear this SueLW - that's tough.
If your thyroid is under performing - are you taking meds for this? If your weight has ballooned and your diet is good and healthy and you are not over-eating the wrong foods, then maybe your meds need adjusting? Perhaps you are deficient in vitamins/minerals?
You should not have to suffer like this, especially at this young age - and I echo Stepyhjkm's question as to whether you are taking HRT? Do you know where in menopause you are ie re cyclical changes and how long between periods? Are you getting flushes and sweats or taking other meds?
Sounds like you need to have a really good chat with an understanding doctor who will look at your whole hormonal situation and review everything?
Hurdity x
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Well bully for her sueLW pity we weren't all so lucky but just remember it could come back and bite her firmly on the arse at any time.
Are you on hrt have you a good gp,I'm guessing no to both.With meno stuff it can be a gradual creep creep of things so before you know it all these negative changes have happened and your at a loss to know how to get back to your old ways and your old self,it's pretty much happened to most of us here but you can turn things around to make your life more bearable,I have.Im not saying for a minute it's easy but if you have somewhere like this to vent and ask for advice that's a huge step forward,the ladies here are so supportive so give a bit more info about yourself and you'll get further help.ie hrt or not ads or not v.a have you had hysterectomy or not,then we can point you you in the right direction to get support.keep posting and read as much as you can from here you'll see it's all part and parcel of menopause and your not alone at all.xx
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I should have said, I am on HRT. My GP was clueless so I went privately. I don't know where I am in menopause, just in there somewhere! My HRT isn't approved on here because it's a compounded cream, but as my symptoms of depression, listlessness and heart palpitations are getting worse I think I need a change and I'm thinking to try Estrogel and either Utrogestan or have another Mirena fitted. I had one a while back for birth control.
I am taking a small amount of thyroid medication. Again, I don't think it's strong enough now. But there is resistance to increasing it. I'm working on that. Waiting for new test results.
I've just retested vital vitamins and iron, need to go and pick up results. I'm also looking around for a different private doctor. I'm not made to feel very comfortable by my current one. Bedside manner is lacking and it's so expensive to have a phone conversation.
But the point of this post is that I can't understand why my friends don't see this as a real situation that I'm devastated by. They knew me for years before this so should be able to remember how I was. I'm made to feel like I'm putting it on.
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I think you've just self prescribed what you need to do so that's good ,Mirena and transdermal oestrogel sounds perfect for you.i have no womb so only need the oestrogel I'm 61 now.(well will be in 3 weeks lol)
Forget about your mates and focus on getting yourself well and you'll find you can brush off their reactions,you have to remember when our life is going very sweet we don't really want to listen to that moaning friend spoiling our day,that's just human nature,not everyone is tolerant but maybe their not the kind of friends you need after all.I hope I don't sound harsh I don't mean to.You May need some ViT d3 supplements to lift your mood so hopefully your blood results will confirm what your levels are.chin up there's plenty good support on here xx
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SueLW, I can tell you what the problem is, your friends are menopause deniers. This is a massive problem and a lot of women are frightened of the menopause and can't face it so they run away from it and pretend that problems don't exist. It seems to be connected with fertility (I have never wanted children so not the best person on this subject) and getting older. My sister is menopausal and runs for the hills at the very mention of it.
What people need to understand is that menopause symptoms like hot flushes and night sweats are the thin end of a very big wedge. Someone can hit the menopause and think 'wow, that was easy' and then as Daisydot rightly points out, it will come back and bite them on the arse in later life when they get heart problems, high blood pressure, insomnia, questionable cognitive skills or osteoporisis to name a few. Will your friends still be 'sailing' in 10 years' time? My view is there is no such thing as not needing oestrogen replacement - it's a bit like saying you don't need thyroid medication or insulin. A lot of women don't realise that some of their health issues are related to low oestrogen, such is the ignorance surrounding the menopause.
The only thing that interests me is ridding myself of immediate and long term menopause symptoms - which I have managed to do successfully - nothing else. It is possible to do this but too many women are on the wrong HRT at the wrong dose or taking too much progesterone which is drowning out the benefits of the oestrogen.
Sue, I think you need an urgent review and would urge you to see a menopause specialist at the first opportunity. Make sure you have a full set of blood tests but I suspect your oestrogen levels are way too low. The Oestrogel/Utrogestan regime would be a very good choice in my opinion but you might also need to tweak your thyroid medication. If you got on well with a Mirena coil before then that is another option to consider alongside Oestrogel.
I do hope that helps.
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I do hope that helps.
Yes Mary, it does. Thank you. Yes, perhaps they are deniers. One is older than me, the other younger and won't be there just yet, but could be peri. The older one has had recurrent shoulder joint problems, is on BP medicine and her blood sugars are high. But she won't put that down to menopause because she thinks its all about hot sweats, which she had about 10 years ago but they stopped. She's not had the almost psychotic episodes in the middle of the night full of terror and nightmares. Or the insomnia. Or the loss of energy. Yet.
I like the idea of menopause deniers. It could explain a lot. It hit me like a ton of bricks all at once. But to others, if it creeps up, they might not really notice.
Interestingly, my compounded cream HRT was working quite well last year, but now I am taking some thyroid medication, symptoms have returned and I think I've ovulated a couple of times since Christmas, which I haven't done for years. I think this because I used to suffer a lot of pain in the right ovary when I ovulated and I've had that twice this year. Perhaps the slight increase in thyroid has given my last gasp hormones a bit of a shove.
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I agree with Mary :)
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Hi. I don't know of any friends who have suffered with similar menopause symptoms to me. Some have 'sailed through'; others have had short-lived symptoms but I don't know anyone in my close circle who's suffered the anxiety and depression etc that brought me down so low and they look at me blankly when I try to explain. They simply have no idea at all and cannot empathise. So I've stopped talking about it to them and I come on here where there are many people who DO get it and no one judges :-) I sense there is a view out there in the general population that there must be something 'wrong' with a woman who has a bad menopause; that it's somehow her fault. This isn't true.
Rather than worrying about everything (which will overwhelm you) I would focus on just one aspect of your life and channel your effort into tackling that whether it's losing weight, OR cleaning your house one room at a time, OR cutting the grass once a week. Set a goal around just that one thing and let everything else take a back seat. Stop expecting empathy from your firends - you will only be disappointed. Come on here regularly. Very best of luck to you x
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Thanks everyone. You are all saying pretty much the same thing. If they haven't suffered it badly, they can't empathise.
I have just had the results back of my latest thyroid blood test and my TSH is way too high. It's gone up on medication, not down. I'm now over 10 (should be around 2 really, perhaps even 1 once on medication). This will be a huge reason why I'm feeling so lifeless, down and incapable and why my hair has fallen out.
I have to get this sorted out. Doctors are equally useless with thyroid as they are with menopause.
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I do feel for you sueLW life can be very up and down so you should be getting the appropriate help and support to get you through the trying days.Im not any expert so can't advise on thyroid could you maybe ask gp to refer you to a consultant.
You'll make lots of lovely friends on here and maybe one day in your area someone will do a menopause cafe where you could meet likeminded ladies not the uncaring friends you have,you wait a few years down the line they'll be asking for your support you'll see.xx
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Hi sueLw.
I agree with the others.
It really makes me mad when ‘friends' do that kind of thing.
Are they really friends, it makes me wonder, I know a woman who took the piss
when anyone she knew had something wrong with them, laughed about them,
And totally didn't understand, but when she got poorly it was a different story,
she'd say things like ‘there's always something wrong with her, she's a 'hypercondriac'!,
Omg, I hate it.
Absolutely no compassion at all.!!!! >:(
One day things will change for them, then they'll know! >:( >:(
Hope things start to get better for you, and once things do it'll be a knock on effect
and everything will start to feel better,
please keep us posted, there's a lot of support on here, and people really do care.
Stay strong,
Jdx :foryou:
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I do feel for you sueLW life can be very up and down so you should be getting the appropriate help and support to get you through the trying days.Im not any expert so can't advise on thyroid could you maybe ask gp to refer you to a consultant.
Thank you Daisydot. I've had a lot of very helpful advice from this forum over the past few years. I haven't posted a lot, but I've learnt a lot.
I'm now in a quandary. I thought I needed to change my HRT, but with thyroid test results like that it might simply be that I need to focus on that first. Changing two major systems at once might not be the best idea. I can't get an appointment with my private hormone doctor until July! She started me on thyroxine, not my GP. He ignored my flagging thyroid results last year. So she's started me but hasn't followed up properly. This is a quandary. I've just emailed the secretary asking if the doctor will authorise me increasing my meds now (i.e. write me a bigger prescription). If she won't do that I need a Plan B. I could go to my GP and ask for support based on my new labs. Or I could try to find another private doctor to treat the thyroid. But they are few and far between. First I need to see what she says.
It really shouldn't be this hard.
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Hope things start to get better for you, and once things do it'll be a knock on effect
and everything will start to feel better,
please keep us posted, there's a lot of support on here, and people really do care.
Stay strong,
Jdx :foryou:
Thank you Jillydoll. I appreciate it. I have to get my thyroid sorted out. I can't expect to feel well like this. It's nice to know there are people around who do get it and understand. We are never alone. But sometimes it feels like it.
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Yes I can see that is a quandary for you.my first point of call in that case would definately be your gp as you need to know you have a continuance of care it's tough enough for you at the moment and I would have hoped that your meno consultant has written to your gp when she did prescribe the thyroxine for you that's just a common courtesy to keep your gp in the loop.
Just make a decision to make the gp your priority as you need help sooner ather than later and you can always think about private consultant if it's not going your way with gp.good luck everyone wants you to get well so chin up xx
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Hello SueLW.
I must admit that back in the day I had no idea how the menopause could make you feel and when an older friend told me about her panic attacks I was sympathetic but had no understanding of what she was going through, needless to say I do now! I have another younger friend who doesn't attribute her problems to the menopause at all, despite having typical symptoms. We would all like to believe that we can get through the menopause without specialist help or medication, perhaps relying on the inherent kindness of mother nature and our own strength of character lol. Your friends are speaking from a position of ignorance and as other ladies have said their time will come, if not with the menopause then with something else, and then they will realise the true value of compassion.
Wishing you well.
K.
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Some people are just fortunate not to suffer very badly, but it doesn't mean there is something extra-special about them or that other people who do suffer aren't genuine.
You can get lots of illnesses with a greater or lesser severity. People who get off lightly should be grateful, not smug!
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Sue, I just wanted to say that lots of us know and understand how you feel, and unless you've been there and done it, it's hard to understand how hormones can have such a huge impact on our lives, your friends just won't understand it at the moment if they are feeling fine. Concentrate on yourself and not how they seem to be treating you. I'm not an expert on thyroid either, but everything else you said in your first post relates to how I have been but for me it's been over a number of years, probably the anxiety was the first thing and I now think it was the start of peri but who really knows. There seems to be total lack of joined up thinking where I am in regards to how doctors treat all of the symptoms you've mentioned, I have had CBT, gastro investigations and gynae investigations all before I myself realised everthing was down to menopause - once the hot flushes started. No doctor or consultant mentioned it during any of these times. You have to take control of dealing with the issues and be persistent, I know it's very hard when you're exhausted and nobody really wants to hear about it. It sounds like you have done all that but things have got worse or changed so you need ongoing support. Last summer I could barely walk from the bus stop to home and was in tears and in bed as soon as I got in. I was in the GP's surgery at 5.55pm in tears asking to see the GP at the end of the day, really desperate. Really hideous for everyone! One thing really helped was high dose of vit D3 and menopace along with joint pain management. As you have said the thyroid is the first thing to sort out, get a GP that you can talk to and insist that you need help to be able to live your day to day life normally. It's not a lot to ask for and as you say it shouldn't be difficult. Good luck and let us know how you get on!