Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => Personal Experiences => Topic started by: Dancinggirl on February 27, 2018, 11:01:51 AM
-
HI all
I read so many posts on this forum about women worrying about an increase in weight, sagging skin, muscle loss and generally feeling low because they feel they have aged so much when menopause strikes. All this can have a devastating effect on our confidence.
Yes, the menopause is all part of growing older, HRT can help replace that vital oestrogen that supports our skin, muscles, energy etc. but ultimately we are getting older and our bodies will age. Of course there are books by all kinds of experts and celebrities with tips and advice and we are rather patronisingly told we need to eat well, get enough exercise etc. to ensure a healthier old age.
BUT - let's share some realistic and hopefully simple ideas and strategies on how we can 'not let our age show'.
I worked as a Personal Presentation Skills consultant for some years and still occasionally give workshops and training sessions now, however, dealing with the impact of ageing for myself has been a struggle. I stopped using systemic HRT over 18 months ago and I feel my body is really struggling with the loss of oestrogen - or is it? Would the decline in my skin, hair and body shape still be happening even if I was on HRT? I stopped HRT because I felt my body was simply not coping with the side effects after around 25 years of HRT use ( had premature meno!!), my uterus really didn't want to play nicely anymore, and frankly it was all getting ‘to much trouble'. I have just turned 62 and, after a very challenging year with health issues, I am starting to find a better way forward on many fronts - the path to this has not been easy.
My tips:
Value yourself. Women are not good at this generally and if your life has been very busy with work and children it's easy to stop prioritising what is ‘good for you'. So be ‘a little more selfish'.
Posture. I was a professional dancer and I have taught dancing, so I firmly believe that posture is really crucial to how we look and feel. Allowing the shoulders to round and sag forward creates tension, puts negative pressure on the spine, and really emphasises any fat on our tummies and around our neck and chin.
So walk tall, sit with the back supported, pull in those tummy muscles as you walk and imagine you are a puppet with strings coming from the top of you ears, so you hold you neck in the right position with you shoulders down.
Edit the wardrobe - reassess what you need from your clothes. Try not to clutter your wardrobe with things you are rarely or unlikely to wear. Spring is on it's way so have a clear out and make a list of things you need.
Why do your like wearing certain items - do they flatter you so you get compliments when you wear them or are they simply comfortable. Think about the magic ‘3'- Is it comfortable? It is useful? Is it flattering? Every item in your wardrobe should be all 3.
Get your foundation garments absolutely right. Make the time to be fitted properly for the right bra and invest in pants that can iron out those lumps and bumps when wearing body hugging clothes. The right underwear can create a much better figure and make you look slimmer.
What tips or ideas can you share?
DG xxxxx
-
......... and breath. My music teacher told us that not many people breath correctly. Therefore posture is affected. As is our over-all health.
Good thread!
I suffered with depression in the 1990s. And crippling anxiety. So every day when I feel well is a bonus. Yes, I became selfish because survival is - selfish; that's why a baby cries sometimes B4 being born! Otherwise ....... learning to say 'no' really does become easier the more one says it. Since the early 2000s, if I am asked to help anyone I tell them that I have to check my calendar incase DH has put something on it and 'please make sure that if I do help, that there is back-up in case ........ siting Mum needing sudden help'. I have found that I am asked less these days :) which lessens my anxiety levels.
Now that I am well I love my evening bath routine: lots of bubbles, Very Good Book and cuppa ;). I know that we should do more exercise but I have become lazy :kick: :D. Now retired we sleep well, we go out and about as and when ......... DH cooks and I keep the kitchen and utility clean, we share other chores. WE LOVE our garden ;).
Stop looking at that woman in the shop window, yep, it's me :o ......... that's how others see me :-\ but hey ho! what you see is what you get ;D
-
Lovely post.All I can add is to think positive and smile more,work those facial muscles lol.xx
-
Thank you ladies.
Oh yes, remembering to take deep breaths and relax is so important.
A ‘smile' can do so much, both for you and for those around you.
Keep the thoughts and ideas coming. DG x
-
OK Dancinggirl, here's my three penn'orth!
Skin: look after your skin. Good quality cleanser (I hope nobody's using soap and water?) and moisturiser, and don't forget to use the same products on your neck and decolletage. Sun screen too.
Posture: I agree with all DG says on this one, although not sure tensing the tummy muscles is a good idea. We should maintain some lumbar curve, and women are not designed to have flat stomachs. However, standing tall will stop your tum flopping forwards and make your bust look better, thus deflecting the gaze from the southbound abdomen. (Any Alexander Technique fans out there?)
Clothes: in a strange way developing VA did me a favour here. I nearly always wore trousers before, but VA meant I had to look for more skirts and dresses. Realised my legs aren't too bad for my age, although still don't like my knees! That aside, nice clothes that you feel good in are very important for self confidence, so it's worth spending time on choosing them.
Hair: IMHO, shorter hair suits an older face better. Long hair seems to draw attention to a sagging jaw line, but that is only my opinion. Inevitably it is going to be less luxuriant, so help is needed from a good cut and, if desired, colour.
Time: Looking well groomed when you get older does take more time than it did when we were younger, but it is time well spent if it boosts your confidence and makes you feel less invisible. As DG says, value yourself.
I seem to have concentrated on the 'externals' here, so perhaps someone else will contribute about mental attitude and stimulation. That's quite enough from me!
JP xx
-
Joaniepat - Thank you - I really agree with all your have said. You are right about the “ pulling in†of the tummy, I should probably have said â€engage†the tummy muscles, as this will help maintain posture and support the spine. I am familiar with Alexander Technique and Pilates that encourage a natural posture.
I actually believe taking care of your appearance can really help the confidence - it can bring a positive attitude to many aspects in life and therefore lift mood. Whilst it is often said that it doesn't matter how we look, taking care with your appearance gives off positive vibes that then come back to you. Just don't get ‘obsessed' with how you look. DG x
-
Nice post DG! Thank you!
I feel that what we feel reflects to others. When I diagnosed with early meno 6 months ago I felt and looked lost. My appearance did not change so much but my confidence was too low.
The others told me that something was changed at my eyes and at my feelings, not outside. A friend of me said that my skin is so good, my hair too but my eyes are too sad. He said that it's like I lost someone (He don't know about my meno).
Our culture makes us obsessed sometimes with our appearance and the maintenance of our youth. When we connect with our internal youth we stay young! :)
-
What a lovely, positive thread. Thank you for starting it Dancinggirl!
I think mental attitude is hugely important. When I was first diagnosed, I felt like I had jumped up a generation (all my friends were worrying about their pregnancies and I'm worrying about VA and a hairy chin!) and had to start behaving like a granny. Then I realised that a lot of the older women I know (old enough to be my mother!) weren't behaving like that, so there was no reason I should either. I'm making a conscious effort not to make comments about age, being old etc, and also trying to keep interested in learning new things. This week, I've learned a few phrases in Portuguese so that I can at least say 'hello' and 'how are you?' to a lady who is visiting her family in the UK for a few weeks and who doesn't speak any English. I also try to have conversations with people who are interested in things I don't know about. And I visit the library every week and try to borrow at least one book that isn't the kind of thing I would usually read.
Fresh air exercise is really important for me too. I always feel better and my skin looks better too when I have a brisk walk.
I also try to do 'face exercises'. I read an article about this some years ago, and this lady was recommending giving your face muscles a workout to keep the blood flowing and keep you looking younger! It makes my face feel better though I don't know if it makes me look younger!
And keep smiling. We may look in a mirror and see the sagging and the wrinkling and the weight gain, but other people will just see our smiles!
-
I'm a huge believer in smiling even when you don't feel like it, sometimes the smile leads the way.
As you say smile and people see the smile and not the imperfections you see. ;D ;D ;D
-
Such great feedback ladies. So many positive thoughts.
So if you had a mantra to recommend to any lady on this forum, what would it be?
Mine would be : Keep smiling, keep learning and take time to look after yourself.
DG x
DG x
-
Keep your compassion keep your positivity and make someones day with a smile,smile when your on the phone it totally changes your voice try it.
Be kind to you xx
-
daisydot - a wonderful
Mantra. DG x
-
...... and breath
...... calm
I try to speak to people in the supermarket because one never knows if it's the only conversation they may have that day
Some engage ............
-
Oh yes, CKLD - I have a job where I meet new people all the time and I love this - I find people fascinating. My husband gets annoyed when I strike up a conversation in a shop or restaurant but I think its great to be ‘a communicator' - a chance encounter can bring good things. DG x
-
What a lovely post - I'm always looking for positive words to help me through my day.
My thoughts would be these- just because we are getting older doesnt mean we have to give up . I refuse to dress 'old' I'm going to continue wearing the clothes I always have .Yes there are days when I just want to slip into my comfy tracksuit and keep it on all day and due to VA issues this has been an ideal outfit. But I always feel better if I dress myself up a little bit , it doesn't have to be anything special a quirky brooch or a lovely scarf makes me feel so much better!
It's making an effort that counts.
Why would you not love yourself ? You wouldn't be this harsh to anyone else -Let go of negative thoughts.
Regards ❤️Ss x
-
My husband is First in my Life followed by me ;)
He loves me for who I am, not for what he wants me to be, unlike my parents who made me feel that they were pushing for 'extra'
When I am old, I *will* wear purple ;D and tend to slum it in comfy jeans, tops, jumpers - occasionally DH gives me 'the look' :o :-X
Wearing comfortable foot wear is important to me. I see many women struggling along in oh-so-not suitable shoes/boots :o. How I don't stop them I don't know, wondering how many complain of bad backs ::)
-
Sweetscarlet - oh yes, it is often those little things that make all the difference. A touch of lipstick can work wonders.
CKLD - when I worked as a presentations consultant, I always told peopler that - â€it doesn't matter how great an outfit is, if your feet are in pain it will show in you face so you won't LOOK good.â€
So let's add 'Good comfortable shoes' to our list of important things. DG x
-
My maternal grandad told his children that you could tell the status of a person by the state of their shoes.
-
;D - it's an old adage but still true in many ways CKLD
-
Great thread....
Keep dancing, don't think "I'm too old for x", don't be told you're too old for long hair if it suits you, be sensibly fashionable and don't look in the mirror too much... ;D I'm not throwing out my heels for anyone but I do wear low heels when walking for any length of time.
Touch wood I don't creak too much and on a good day I can fly in an exercise class but having lost a lot of weight, it shows up the wrinkles now which is hard!
Attitude is the most important part of not getting old and keep your sense of humour! To me it's the way time goes too quickly is the horrible part of getting older, I can't believe we're now in to March already!
-
Wombat62 - a sense of humour is definitely needed at any time in our lives. It sounds to me as though you are approaching things ‘with style' - go for it girl. Life is short - so live it. DG x
-
I love this thread, thank you xXx
-
I don't look in the mirror that often ::) - lack of time generally ;D
Listen to your body. If you ache, rest or take pain relief sooner rather than later.
Take time to ........... for us, it's sitting in our garden. Today, the birds are really noisy despite the snow :)
-
Thanks DG, trying my best!
-
Having had a mastectomy last year, and feeling shocked by the pressure to have a reconstruction so as to fit into our culture's definition of what makes us feminine and attractive, I decided a couple of months ago to ditch the fake boob and just admit to myself and the world that I'm now lopsided. I haven't changed the way I dress, I don't try and disguise it, in fact the more i get used to it the more I dress to make it obvious! I feel I shouldn;t have to hide the trauma I've been through, it's part of what makes me who I am. So my message would be, don't try and hide your flaws, they are what make you the unique and wonderful person you are. By accepting my scarred side I've actually grown to love it and not feel ashamed any more.
-
When I had my initial surgery in the 1990s, I decided that if I kept my breasts I would flaunt them. Haven't worn a bra since, find them SO uncomfy!! anyway although some are really pretty. People should look at my face anyway ;D ............
-
I've just been reminded: many++ years ago I was a bridesmaid. One of the ushers was a dentist. Genetically I have a narrow mouth so my teeth don't fit ....... he mentioned to the bride that he could straighten my 'look'. This is someone who never spoke to me at all, OK he was a dentist but even so! Don't know what I would have done had he made the suggestion directly to me, after all these years, I still wonder what my reaction would have been :rofl: and as I don't drink ........ she told me that he was keen to do some work on my mouth.
For a long while I felt that I had ruined the 'photos but remembered that in general, people were used to my cronky teeth. I went around for a long time, keeping gob well shut :-\
-
I've lost quite a bit of weight (4 dress sizes - and counting!) and it's definitely made me look younger. And I've taken up running, which I'm loving - that's made me feel physically younger. I've never been one for make-up (last time I wore even eye make-up was 10 years ago when I got married!) - I've never worn foundation and I never will, so my face is what it is! As for staying mentally young - my attitude is pretty much what it always was (although I'll admit to becoming far less patient with stupid people!). I have a very good relationship with my daughter - now she's an adult she's more my friend than my daughter - and we enjoy spending time together ... we giggle often and lots. I'm sure her influence keeps my mind young :)
-
racjen - I agree, being comfortable about how we look and feel is very important - good self esteem is vital.
Scampi - a good giggle can be wonderful for our wellbeing. Let's add ‘laughter' to our strategies for anti ageing. DG x
-
Get a video of Billy Connolly or similar ;) ........ Rowan Atkinson walked onto the stage and we laughed for ages, even B4 he had said anything ::). Jim Davidson had us rolling in the aisles.