Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => Personal Experiences => Topic started by: Starla76 on September 18, 2017, 07:14:59 PM
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I am really struggling today.
I have probably every possible symptom of perimenopause. I'm only 41 but my family go through this young (my Aunt was 34) which means I literally have no one I can talk to in my age group.
I have horrendous anxiety - literally terrified about health nearly every single second of the day. I could cry or rage all the time.
I feel old, I've put on weight and just think I look horrible. All this and I have a very stressful job.
I have had palpitations, itching, fatigue etc and today I just had to rush home from work as I had a sudden hot flush where I sweated a bit on my forehead but went dizzy and instantly felt nauseous.
I'm waiting for the nausea to pass still now. It has scared me as I feel off balance and I just feel like locking myself away.
My periods are still pretty regular although sometimes last longer (as in main period for a couple of days and then it's there when I wipe for a few days after).
My last period lasted only three days then went. Everything gets worse mid cycle.
Sometimes there's a bit of spotting literally mid cycle and again, this sends the off balance feeling and anxiety off the charts.
I've honestly never felt so stressed or anxious.
I've had beta blockers for my horrendous anxiety that worked a bit. I'm trying to battle through as I heard HRT only postpones things but I really cannot deal with this anymore.
When I have an episode like this I literally am scared to go to work the next day.
I just want to feel normal again!
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Hi Starla,
You're not alone. I could have written your post about myself and every symptom you have listed.
I have good days and bad. Today has been a good day but it never lasts long!
I try to get a good nights sleep and I try to eat little and often.
I've had anxiety all my life, HA since I had my children. It has got much worse in peri.
I also feel old, I've also put a lot of weight on and feel unattractive. Luckily, I don't have a stressful job as I reduced my hours and am lucky I can afford to do so.
I can understand the fear of going to work. If I have a HA attack somewhere, I never like to go back to that place as I think it will happen again but it really is mind over matter. You must face your fear. Try not to let the anxiety win.
It is worth going back to your GP and discussing all this and see what they advise about HRT.
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Thank you....
I just feel very lost and at a very low point today. :'( I feel like I'm being robbed of everything good about me!
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It's not known as The Change for nowt!
Maybe make a list of the symptoms you would like to ease - have a browse round the Forum and make notes. Go along to your Practice Nurse for a chat about how the GPs support menopause.
If you have anxiety, ask your GP for a short course of Valium or similar: 5 days followed by an 'as necessary' route will ease how you feel and allow you to decide on whether you would like to try HRT. Don't be put off by any one who suggests that because you continue to have periods that you are not approaching menopause!
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Also - do have a read through this web-site and ask queries there:
Menopause Matters forum -
Daisy network: www.daisynetwork.org.uk
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Hi Starla76,
I just wanted to say hello and you are not alone and it can seem very daunting when trying to cope with work as well. I work for a small company so no HR even to discuss things with and sometimes even those discussions are not that useful. I would like to advise that you try and factor in some 'me' if possible? Get a relaxation CD for car or download on your phone/tablet to help soothe. I also found magnesium and lavender sprays helped and as CLKD suggested some Valium just in case and maybe try and eat little and often so that your blood sugar levels are not spiking. The Health Anxiety is also something I suffer with and I am my own worst enermy as I Dr Google. It's hard to try and overcome but this forum has been my saviour and there is lots of knowledgeable ladies on here. Wishing you a more peaceful evening, but if that is not the case........ there is always someone here x
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I'm really sorry you're having a tough time, I can totally empathise with most of what you've mentioned, especially the health anxiety. I'm only 42 but think I've been peri for a couple of years now, I especially remember the night sweats as the first symptom and that was a good couple of years ago now. My periods are still regular too but I now only bleed for a day or 2 then very very light for another couple of days. I too notice a dramatic downturn mid cycle.
I had CBT last year which really did help the anxiety, I'm going to ask to go back for a couple of sessions just to remind myself of all the techniques I learnt then hopefully I can get things back to a manageable level. Have you tried CBT or meditation? It's definitely worth going to see your GP and just having a chat about how tough you're finding things at the moment xxx
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Thank you so much all. I'm so scared a lot of the time but this forum - and you all - is such a comfort to me xxx
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Starla, the anxiety is the worst and you mentioned feeling dizzy, for me this is the hardest symptom to cope with. In the rare occasion when I don't feel dizzy I tell myself it's meno causing it, but that's no consolation when all you want to do is hide away. I have an emergency pill (Xanax) and I take half a tablet when I absolutely need it. This really helps to ease symptoms, so maybe ask doc for a few to get you through the really tough times. Just knowing you have them can be a comfort, also have you tried rescue remedy, this can help take the edge off. Hope you feel better soon.
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Hi so sorry you are going through this, I no how you feel being robbed to as its not fair it happens before its suppose to. I was early too.
I'm 43 now and have been told to take HRT until I'm at least 55 for bones ect.
If I don't I will have the menopause symptoms until then (or longer)
Xxx
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I really identify with your post too. I have had problems with Health Anxiety which co-incided with my period cycle changing. Racing mind, teaful, lots of gas, brain fog, insomnia, feeling I can't cope. This all hit me around 6 months ago. I wish there was a local group as my problem is I work from home so during the day everything keeps churning round. I have tried most things; Mindfulness, vitamin you name it, CBT, Reiki, self help NHS course. I am learning there is a pattern to how I feel as when I have felt very low and made a GP appointment then 7 days later I feel much better. I too yearn for my 'old' self and feel angry that the medical profession seem unable to explain what is causing all these syptoms that appear on mass in the space of 24 hours. The only route I haven't tried is anti-depressants but as I seem to get only 5 very bad days I month it seem a bit extreme. Bigh hugs to you.
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You are unlikely to get the 'old self' back as it's The Change. One has to adjust but the suddenness of symptoms can be quite a shock!
How are you this morning Starla?
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Thank you all, this sucks doesn't it!
I'm up and down today - I was supposed to go to a meeting today at work but because it was a bit further away I freaked out about going as last night scared me when I went so dizzy and nauseous.
I read on here eat little and often which I did today and it's worked quite well. Yesterday I was tired, stressed, hungry and had done a 10 hour work day :-(
I'm just trying to not get too scared to leave the house :-(
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Glad the little and often worked Starla. Another thing that works well is a good nights sleep..at least 8 hours. You say yourself yesterday you were tired. This does make my anxiety worse and going too long without food (and not junk food!).
Never get too scared to leave the house. If you do, then you are letting the anxiety win and it is you who is in charge, not IT. Tell it to sod off!
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That's what I was like today, I took ages getting ready as knew it would put off going out!! But I did go out and survived 😘
Hope tomorrow is better for you xx
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Eat - every 3 hours, 24/7 etc.. Keeps the chance of that sudden anxiety surge when the body is hungry.
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Eat - every 3 hours, 24/7 etc.. Keeps the chance of that sudden anxiety surge when the body is hungry.
24/7?!
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Hi Starla76
I haven't read this whole thread - only your first post but just to say if you do end up going through an early menopause (ie before the average age of menopause of 51/52) then HRT is recommended to protect heart and bones. Anyone who tells you that taking HRT postpones things is wrong. You only go through menopause once ie cessation of ovarian function. If you take HRT for some years and then come off and your symptoms come back, then it is likely that they would have been present all the time you were taking HRT. Some women get them for years, some not at all, some for a short time. You don't know which one you're going to be! If you stop HRT post-menopause then your hormones are no longer fluctuating wildly and so will be stable.
Having said that - if your periods are still regular approx 28 days or shortening and your cycles aren't variable in length you are probably at what is known as the Late Reproductive Stage ie ovaries working but things begin to go a bit awry = symptoms. A difficult stage! Often women get much worse pms at this point but sometime difficult to find the right HRT as oestrogen may not yet have fallen sufficiently.
Some gynaes prescribe the combined contraceptive pill (not the POP) to women at this stage to regulate the cycle - so preventing the mood swings/extreme pms and you are young enough to be able to take this. Provided you are OK with the progestogens you may well feel so much better.
Hurdity x
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Menopausal brain ;D
every 3 hours, night and day; all week ........ no missing ;-)
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I really identify with your post. I am trying to hang on to the fact that some times in the month for me are much worse than others. I can have two weeks of feeling OK then a few days of terrible anxiety and brain fog. When I am in this phase I totally forget that I will probably be fine in a few days; it just feels like the end of the world. I find I am worse if the weather is bad too and when I am late for a meal. (Just managed to have some lunch today at 2:30pm and just five minutes after I feel better, more calm). I think this stage of our lives is so busy for most of us and we have so little time to just ' be' and ' chill'. I joke that if I could go to 'Menopause Island' with you guys I would be cured!
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CLKD every three hours? surly disturbing sleep to eat every three hours can't be good for you. I have type two diabetes so I know all about sugar rushes and drops, but there is no way I would purposely wake myself every three hours to eat. I also have a hiatus hernia and I know if i eat late at night even something small I will pay for it the next day :'(. It may well work for you but there is no way on earth I would wake myself so often to eat.
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CLKD every three hours? surly disturbing sleep to eat every three hours can't be good for you. I have type two diabetes so I know all about sugar rushes and drops, but there is no way I would purposely wake myself every three hours to eat. I also have a hiatus hernia and I know if i eat late at night even something small I will pay for it the next day :'(. It may well work for you but there is no way on earth I would wake myself so often to eat.
I agree.
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I didn't suggest that 1 wakes to eat but if one goes to the bathroom or wakes without going back to sleep, to have a biscuit to keep energy levels even. It's a long while between an evening meal and breakfast. Yep. Every 3 hours. I have to do so all the while or I get very ill and panic attacks take over :'(. The idea is spread the daily meal out, not to eat any extra ;-)
A hiatus hernia should be 'fed' regularly too. To stop excess acid building up. I had to eat in the early hours and laid awake, waiting 4 the reflux to start ::) ..... fortunately it didn't happen.
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Hi Starla,
I feel your pain. I am currently signed off work for 3 weeks as I had a complete meltdown. I also have (had) a stressful job and I was offered another job and then had a breakdown. Work were not sympathetic.
I start my new job soon and I am not returning to the old one. I feel a sort of grief about that as my colleagues were so wonderful.
I am trying to look after myself. I try to do something constructive every day to take my mind of things. ( I have just srapped some christmas presents!!!) .
I am worried about starting a new job in case I can't cope with that either. A few less hours so hopefully that will help.
Like you I have never felt so low. I am aged 52, have a Mirena coil and take Elleste 1mg per day. Going back to see g.p soon as I'm sure I need a change of meds.
I really feel for you, You are not alone.
Wendy65
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Wendy - maybe you need a hike in Elleste ? Do you keep a diary of symptoms, something to discuss with your GP/Practice Nurse?
I too went through a stressful work situation, people were great, management had no idea and HR didn't understand the title - it made me ill and almost cost me my marriage!
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Guys I feel rubbish today too. Tearful, terrified, can't think straight, just want to be alone in a room. Is this normal for peri? I feel like I'm loosing my mind. I took a Nitol last night as it was midnight and my mind was racing, had also had a couple of glasses of wine earlier. Feel so alone as I am trying to hide it from the kids and husband. Is this how you guys feel too?
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I do and did on Monday, just wanted to hide from everyone and didn't answer phone calls as family would tell in my voice I was low and did not want pitty.
I was still low the but the one thing that gets me through is it dose not last forever, go with your feelings just remember it will pass xxxx
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hello I am so glad I found this forum, this is the first time I have ever done anything like this, but I have got to the end of my tether feeling so bad and low. I am 50 in December and have probably been in peri for about year now, still have regular periods and had really bad flushes about 30 a day but cut out caffeine completely and started starflower and evening primrose oil along with B12 and B6 and the flushes have gone ! I have now got really bad anxiety, low self esteem, not sleeping, angry, fuzzy head, cant concentrate, tearful all the time, and hubby has really had enough now too and things have got really bad between us which is not helping my anxiety. I went to the doctor on Monday and she gave me an antidepressant sertiline I think, I have been taking it 5 days and sometimes I get really good thoughts and positivity and others go right back down again, she did say to give it 2 weeks but I want instant results ! thanks for reading.
Helen
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Hi Helen lamy. Your post could be mine! I plucked up courage to try and talk to me husband today but wish I hadn't. He gets frustrated when all I want is someone to listen and he uses words like..." snap out of it...you know what it is you'll be fine in a few days ..all in the mind...think of people with real problems etc". He thinks this forum is just women hyping each other up and is part of my problem! He thinks AD and HRT just ' mucks up your system' (Should never hv married a Yorkshire man! - apologies to all the other Yorkshire men out there); I may try an AD too as I tried HRT but I don't think it was the right time (periods still regular) and it made my anxiety worse. Will be interested to hear how your get on with it. Big Hugs
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Hi Starla,
I just wanted to reach out to you and tell you just how much I understand what you're going through and how hard it is.
I'm 42 and going through the same experience as you and it's tough going. Made all the more difficult by not having any family or friends going through the same and the feelings of isolation that it brings. I hope you have managed to gain some strength from the support on here. If you want to someone to talk too private please feel free to contact me. I can't make it go away but I can provide you support from someone who knows exactly what you're going through.
Andrea xx
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Thank you all xx
I've had a few bad days really, so anxious. I've tried to battle through but my work is so stressful... then last night my little one was throwing up everywhere and I'm beyond tired and stressed.
I'm constantly scared that I'm going to go dizzy or just fall down and today I'm feeling weak, like I could just cry all day long and really nervous/shaky.
I don't feel like I'm living at the moment I'm just scared all the time :'(
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Thanks to SIDL02 and Staria for posting. One of the places I feel calmer and more lucid is on this site as I don't have to pretend to be 'happy, fine mum'. I met up with some friends yesterday; didn't want to go but I made myself. Felt I had to dig deep and concentrate on breathing to keep it together infront of the kids and their friends. I was thinking how the hell did it get to be like this, things I used to just do or look forward to become feared. I am going to make (another!) GP appointment next week and see if they will agree to hormone blood tests to try and find out exactly what is going on and then think about if I need any help. I had such a bad experience with the HRT I tried ramping up my anxiety / side effects that I want to get it right this time. I am also going to make some ' Menopause Cake' (Linda Kearns) today ladies so I will keep you posted on that! I have had two nights of interrupted sleep / son coming in/not being able to get back off etc and I KNOW that dosn't help the anxiety. Hugs X
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The dizziness and feeling scared all the time really are the pits. I guess strange as it feels we really need to learn to breathe again. I know it sounds crazy and it should just come natural but somehow with this anxiety we tend to hold out breath and shallow breaths, well I do anyway. I foolishly had a few glasses of Prosecco last night and I'm paying for it now, jittery, dizzy not to mention banging head :(. Good idea at the time as I didn't have to get up early today for anything. I tried hrt a few times and it didn't agree with me, (more anxious ). I decided to give it one more try as I had a lot of patches left over. I had hysterectomy 5 years ago aged 48 so I was given estradot, I know 25mg is the lowest dose and as I had 50mgs I cut them in half, It's been just over a week and so far so good i.e i'm not anymore anxious than usual. I will stick with 25mgs for a month or so and see how I get on. I may even go up to 50mgs if I can tolerate it. I didn't want to go down the hrt route but I also know I can't carry on the way I am. because of hysterectomy ( I kept ovaries ) don't know where I am on this meno journey. all we can do is support each other as best we can. This site really is a life saver, just being able to chat without being judged, with women who know exactly how your feeling makes it almost bearable. Hope you all feel better soon x
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Because the body/brain doesn't get where it is suddenly medication won't lift symptoms quickly. The body/brain need to re-adjust. Browse round. Make notes.
Roseneath - You appear to need help with how you are feeling, maybe make a note of how you feel on a daily basis, a list to take to your GP/Practice Nurse? Make a double appt. so that you don't feel rushed! Our Nurse Practitioners deal with HRT discussions ;-). Your husband needs a :kick:
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I love that husband sorter CLKD!
They just don't know how to deal with emotional stuff like we do Roseneath so prefer to sweep it all under the carpet and pretend it's not happening.
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What a difference 12 hours makes. Suddenly this afternoon everything lifted. All those rock bottom nervous emotions, the fuzzy thinking, the tearfullness , just about all gone. I feel bright, lucid, calm. So basically the 4 days after my period finnished has been terrible but for the last 6 hours everything has 90% calmed. So this will go in my diary and also mirrors what happened last month and also about 4 months ago. So guys there is hope. It is hormones. It will shift. If I can find out which one(s) I can maybe have a plan for how to cope with this. :) :) :-*
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As long as you remember each month, you should be able to kind of accept those awful feelings and that they will pass. Similar to when I was withdrawing from a medication years ago, I had to remind myself that the bounce back didn't get worse each time I took a smaller dose ::).
How is your diet over-all?
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CLDK /sparkle. You guys will not be suprised to hear I don't feel so perky this morning! Woke up OK but by 11:00am Mr Anxiety and Mrs Gloom have crept back in somewhat (wet, glumy weather here today too...). On the positives ( :)) eating little and often REALLY helps, great tip; even just a banana or a slug of orange juice. I love food but always seem to be cooking for other people! Also singing (not sure whose tip that was?) around the house seems to distract and lift (Did Oliver at school at 13 and still remember most of the lyrics). Part of my underlying problem in addition to the hormones is that we are in a job we now hate (running a B & B :rant: )in a town in the stickswe are desperate to get out of ( :-\) and feel we don't fit in (classified >:() with kids who are unhappy at school (heart breaking :'() and house been on market for nearly two years...so it is tough to start with. It's hard to think what medication might help when everything is so up and down but I think I'll go back to the GP again in the nxt couple of weeks for a catch up and go through options.
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R U advertised as a 'going concern' in the various tourist and catering magazines? Do you have Colleges close by appropriate to the trade? It can take 2-3 years to sell a business particularly at this time of year. Are there any tourist meet and greet activities in your area in the Spring, some towns have a Trade Organisation to encourage people.
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Yammy1 learning to breathe again is just the most perfect description - that is so true and how I've felt these past few days like I'm having to force myself to breathe!
So sorry to hear so many of you are going through the same although selfishly it does make me feel a bit better that I'm not alone :)
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SING! it makes us breath correctly ;)
It isn't selfish, we are group animals!
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If you heard me sing you wouldn't tell me to! ;D
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:rofl: ........ DH tells me that I don't listen properly so you'll be OK! But don't sing too early 'cos I'm grumpy if woken ;)
How are we all this morning?
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Well just had a slight dizzy turn at work and really stressed/tight chest feeling -I am due on Wednesday so not sure if that has made it all go worse.
I'm going to try the docs again and see what they say...
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......... and breath ;-)
:foryou: do you have a sick bay Starla?
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My lovely lovely forum friends. :-* :-* :-* to all of you. Not bad today. Sunny out. Went for a coffee and cake with my DH. Still worried about worrying that my memory is going awol! Have spent nearly 2 hours on phone and live chat trying to fix a BT internet email problem. Nightmare! They keep passing me on and cutting me off! We do live in busy, fast, electronic and stressful times ladies. My lovely grandma would hv just been making gravy , reading Readers Digest, listening to the Archers and pottering around in the garden.
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My lovely lovely forum friends. :-* :-* :-* to all of you. Not bad today. Sunny out. Went for a coffee and cake with my DH. Still worried about worrying that my memory is going awol! Have spent nearly 2 hours on phone and live chat trying to fix a BT internet email problem. Nightmare! They keep passing me on and cutting me off! We do live in busy, fast, electronic and stressful times ladies. My lovely grandma would hv just been making gravy , reading Readers Digest, listening to the Archers and pottering around in the garden.
My memory is so bad at the moment I too am getting worried especially as my children like to constantly remind me 'I told you that', 'you just said that'..it makes me feel even worse! I used to have a fantastic memory so it's awful struggling to remember what I was going to do next or what I went to the fridge for but having spoken to some other meno ladies they all say they struggled with their memory so that's a relief!
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I have that memory issue: so does Himself ::). We are always denying that we've told each other stuff. It gets me down at times :-\.
I tend to write things down on our calendar, a 'his and hers' - if it ain't on that, it ain't happening :D.
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I really thought I'd lost it this afternoon ladies. Kids came back from school and I was in the kitchen clearing out their lunch boxes..was miles away worrying about how rubbish I felt. Next thing I know I'm in their bedroom and saying " who said 'I have an itchy bottom'? ". God knows why I said that. They just looked at me with that ' mums lost it' look! I have NO idea why I said that! Maybe an itchy bottom is the next things on my health anxiety word search! I blame the high strength Evening Primrose table I took at 2:00pm.....Queue me frantically doing the on-line SAGE dementia test..again.. (Still get 100% phew....) I'll probably still be frantically doing it when I finally conk out from exhaustion 100! If I didn't feel so lonely I could laugh. :'(
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Maybe you are having conversations in your head and that was the next bit, or perhaps your brain had picked up something on the news? ....
How do I find the SAGE test?
Crikey that's 2 long winded 4 me LOL
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I really don't want to encourage visits to Dr Google...honestly CKLD you would breeze it. (apart from writing todays date which always floors me!). But it does make me realise that my brain is actually in fine form, it is more concentration and being lost in an anxious thought cycle which is my problem and like you always say HORMONES. P.S It's the 25th today (my kids just told me so...).
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;D ;D ;D Yes that is just like me...whatever I have I have the same as you! Can we book rooms together in a nice care home for maybe 2047 please? Sidmouth would be nice. We can watch the goldfish go round and round together ;D
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I am sooo sorry CLKD. I keep on getting your handle wrong. CDLK, CLDK, it's like Peter Pier to me. After 9pm on a stressful day I like to think my undiagnosed dyslexia kicks in. Maybe you are a SAGE agent in disguise hoping to catch us out. I am going to have to come up with an Acronym...something like Clean Lacy Knickers Draw if we are to avoid zimmer wars at that care home. Apologies again wise one.
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Hi Ladies, I just had to join in with the memory thing and HA. I have lost count of the times that I pop out to the chest freezer in garage to get milk/bread and forget why I am there! lol. I have even found a bottle of Lenor in the fridge where the milk should be. On a not so funny note is my HA which I try to keep in check but every ache needs to be checked and no just by a GP, by 11pm or 2am I am now looking at the best consultants available. My latest in blood pressure - my home monitor goes everywhere with me - even the cat is in fear he will be attached and checked. At 48 I am still not on HRT ( yet ) but taking every vit possible and only reluctant to try HRT due to very bad experience with birth control, hormone imbalance and constant bleeding when on any form. I have been in peri for about 3-4 years and resort to diazepam when the anxiety get's too much, although that is mainly driven by work related stress and caring for elderly parents as well as raising a wonderful 8.5 yr old.
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HI Lady Daviot, you will see there are lots of us on here with Health Anxiety. I am 47 and mine has got worse in the last 2 years since my period cycles went weird. Honestly I have thought I have had just about everything there is to have, wasted so many holidays worrying, got everything checked out then moved onto the next thing. Just one word of caution about taking supplements...I was so desperate to lose the anxiety that I started taking Menopace menopause plus some vitamins. Had a routine blood test 3 months later and my liver enzymes were a bit elevated...the GP thought it was probably due to the supplements, told me to stop them, but had to send me for a scan / repeat blood tests. Whole thing took 3 months and really hyped up my worry big time. Blood tests were fine once I had quite the supplements. Maybe it was just a blip or virus but have heard from a few other GPs that you need to be careful what you take and where you get it from.
I think we are all desperate to find that magic pill that takes our bodies back 5 years.
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We still have a sense of humour - Sidmouth is lovely, we could wander up to the Donkey Sanctuary and along the streets at Beer. Zimmer frames aloft! Don't worry about my 'handle', unless I type it quickly I get in a muddle: same with Aberystwyth ;D ..... if I stops to think ???
Apparently one wouldn't worry about dementia if one is affected. So - onwards and upwards to where it is I was going ........
I put sugar on top of the coffee for my husband recently B4 pouring in the water: I noticed as I was tipping the kettle. He hasn't had sugar in anything for over 30 years :D. He did the same yesterday morning, put coffee on top of my tea bag ........
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Maybe a meno land?. :Somewhere we can all escape to when things get too hard to cope with. You know like Disneyland except for us meno women. Just picturing it makes me smile ;D. Can you imagine us all in one place together :bat: :bat:
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On the memory, as I'm reading this thread I suddenly remembered I forgot to log and initial my daughter's reading homework yesterday. And I put the entire week's completed homework, which she's not meant to do all at once on Monday, in her folder so now her teachers will know we don't follow the nightly assignments. Then of course I burst into tears over it. :'( My mind is going and I'm overeacting over kinder work ;D I'm going to self-diagnose myself with Desperate Need to Enjoy Myself and treat by going for a little exercise and finding some kind of creative project to enjoy.
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Has anyone found they have lost their confidence in social situation? I took my daughter to out local theater today and met several people I know slightly. I found myself getting very flustered and tongue ties to the extent that I felt like I wanted to sit down or hide in the toilets! I had never been a very confident person to start with but recently find myself getting upset and tearful and struggling to make relaxed conversation. The more I worry about it the worse it gets. :'(
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It really is self feeding. It depends on how my anxiety is B4 I go out. If it is spontaneous then I am usually OK though struggle with words/names/places sometimes. At least when shopping I can make the excuse that I have to go somewhere else.
This too will pass ;-)
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I find it's really hard to have a conversation with someone when all you can think about is how your feeling, heart pounding, dizzy anxious. I hate it, a friend or neighbor stops to have a chat and I'm looking fir excuses not to stop, or pretending I'm on my phone so they won't stop me >:(.
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yammy1 / sparkels ...thanks for posting...so I am not alone. The second worst things for me about this life stage aside from anxiety is that I find it hard to believe that others feel the same. It helps to know they do :-* I wish I could go out to work. Having the whole day in the house day after day having to do the B & B jobs & wait in for people is the worst thing mentally for me. If I had to work away from here I think I would have a much better handle on my emotions. GP appointment for next Thursday (earlist!) sp I just need to keep breathing until then!
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I stopped working five years ago after hysterectomy, I worked as a special needs assistant in a local school and I absolutely loved it. I really loved the kids and actually looked forward to going to work, But there were complications after hysterectomy and I now have severe bowel problems and am no longer able to work :'(. I miss the kids so much and the interaction with other staff members. My one and only grandchild started preschool in the same school I worked in and although it's lovely seeing some old working buddies when I drop him off it's so hard knowing I can't go back to the old me . I had a repair operation on my bowel last May but it was unsuccessful ( still have very little bowel control) so I' on disability for the foreseeable future, I don't think i'll ever work again. But at least if i'm having a bad day I don't have to face anyone
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Roseneath - I doubt if you would fare any better in the work-place. Currently you have a lot of stress but it is in your home, running a business is difficult and like you, I find waiting for people to arrive awful - workmen, parcels, neighbours ....... and can't wait until they are settled with a cuppa or gone from here :-\.
I have stayed at several B&Bs and they don't want people 'in' B4 4.30 ..... which gives them time to clear up after the guests that have left, time to shop and then be home for the next people to arrive. That gives the owner a sense of structure.
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I think Rosenheath means she has to stay in incase guests just arrive on spec. My friend runs a b&b, it is tying. Are you open all year Rosenheath?
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In order to take some control, unless on a road which will attract passing trade, it might be worth while being away for a while in the day. One landlady carries a mobile phone which diverts from her B&B land line ........
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Yes you're right we have to be in as these days people often arrive early or late and expect to be able to check in. We live in fear of bad reviews as I think most people who run a B & B do! We close end October for a few months so I am hoping I can slow down a bit then; although I will need to keep busy or I just ruminate and Google bad stuff! I do feel 'better' for want of a better word; - less brain racing round, less tearful, less foggy word mess ups, less feelings of doom, slept without weird dreams. I find either the whole lot of symptoms are better or none of them. This will go into my diary for my GP catch up next week. But there is nothing specific I can attribute it to other than being on Day 20 of my cycle and something chemical has shifted. You can see why it is so hard to attribute improvements / worsening to any medication when there is this underlying churn going on which for me seems to over ride everything.
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When you come back to your B&B it is wise to make it a condition that they don't arrive B4 a specific time. Clients really won't mind! We have stayed regularly in a Guest House in Lewes and can't book in until after 4.30 because the family are working. It's not a problem and we find stuff to do until we can go there. Put foot down with firm hand ;). You could also let the local tourist board know that your booking in time has altered, do you get calls from them to see if you have vacancies? I have been to various Information Boards around the UK to see if they have lists of local last minute B&B vacancies. Usually when we find more to do in an area than we thought possible. I never read reviews, but I do like to be able to see the bathrooms on the B&B web-site ;-)
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I think it's all connected to your cycle same as mine. I'm on day 19 but the last few nights I've had weird dreams or bad dreams that wake me up scared and with sweaty chest.
Continue to keep a diary then you can look back each month and see that those symptoms occurred at that time.
My friend who runs a B&B recently posted on Facebook about how many hours they had done this month, think it was around 360 hrs. I know it's not easy and I know how restricting it can be. I also understand about bad reviews, especially Trip Advisor where you can't get them removed. I always read reviews before I book somewhere and I always start with the negative reviews first!
We always tend to be late arrivers but this year we did arrive early at one and they let us in early but I agree, it wouldn't look good if you said 'no, come back later'!
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However, one doesn't need to tell guests 'come back later', when people book then they can see from the booking form or when talking to the owner, exactly what hours are stated. It was never a problem for us and once in, we had a front door key ........ it's a huge undertaking however much you like people ::)
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CLKD...most people know that check in hrs are just to give the premises time to clean and change the bedding in rooms so they assume the room will be ready well in advance which is why they turn up early to chance it. You are obviously a polite guest following the 'rules' but most guests are not and are cheeky wouldn't you say Roseneath?!
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Cheeky yep. But if they arrive on the door and the owner isn't in ........ what I'm try to say is that it is alright to have set hours. After all, if you go to the dentist you have an appt.? ;)
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Guys you both make good points. The B & B next door is much more strict with times and rules etc and probably gets a few bad reviews because of it but still does good business. Our problem is we are 'desperate to please' types who take everything to heart and think if we get 9/10 it is not good enough. I think that is why the lady next door seems to be sailing through her meno & looks so well turned out and I feel like a teaful, dishevelled wreck who thinks the world is judging me! The lesson is probably to loosen up a bit and make an effort to go against type. Easier said than done! (I 'acted' my way through my wedding ceremony and pretended I was filming an advert because it was the only way I wasn't going to be a blubbing mess. That's CBT extreme for you!). I feel almost great today....not anxious, calm, brain not foggy. It's Day 22 ish I think...wish I could stay like this for ever n ever.
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It's probably your personality a 'people pleaser'. I found this for you with tips about running a b&b and it does advise what CLKD says about strict times!
See the purple banner part about how to make it a success.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2972231/Think-running-B-B-easy-One-guesthouse-owner-s-cautionary-tale-just-change-mind.html
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Maybe have 2 nights 'next door' to see what they do that is different? This is remember your house ;-). You have in who you want at times that suits you.
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Hi all sorry to not have posted for a bit.
This has definitely been a bad few weeks!
I spoke to a Famous perimenopause expert on twitter and she's suggested magnesium to help with the off balance feeling...
I've also researched and found acid reflux which kind of sounds like what I have as one of the symptoms...
Also someone in the thread asked if I still get my periods - at the moment they are regular but the length they last is all over the place - sometimes two weeks (although second week more spotting when I wipe) or the last times has only been three days then nothing :-\
I have noticed that I am getting diarrhoea and going to the toilet more during periods and now joint stiffness and aches AGH!
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Hi Starla, sorry your having such a bad time.Just wondering as my worst symptom is dizziness, did the lady you were talking to elaborate on the use of magnesium for this dizziness. I am willing to try anything to help with this awful symptom. Once again I really hope you get a break and feel better soon.x
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Oh do tell who you spoke with i.e. Famous perimenopause expert on twitter -
I would also have 'the runs' 10 mins. B4 a bleed began, even when a period wasn't due. Therefore I could'd travel, in case :-\. As oestrogen levels drop muscles may become lax = aches and pains, plus the body may become dry: skin, vagina, nostrils, deep in the ears ...... so have a read of the various threads on this topic. Hiatus hernia is 'common' at this time of Life!
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Hi I will let you know how I get on with the magnesium.
It's been a really bad few weeks to be honest, I feel like my symptoms are on turbo overdrive!
The blogger is called Magnolia Miller - blog posted below...
Anxiety through the roof and I seem this week (just finished my “period†on Sunday) to all of a sudden be going to the toilet more for number twos (sorry!) - I go more during my period but tbh it just feels like am permanently on my period now.
I have noticed the off balance weird sensation gets worse before I need the loo so I wondered about IBS but don't know much about it.
So much fun ::) isn't it all this!
https://www.theperimenopauseblog.com/
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HI Starla, I found a box of magnesium I forgot i bought some time ago, so I started it today, it's one in sachets you dissolve in water, I figure what have I got to lose. I read up on magnesium and it turns out that it really helps people stabilize blood sugar, as I'm type two diabetic seemingly it will benefit me greatly and as my sugars have been very unstable lately maybe this will be the answer. It also is supposed to help with anxiety and aches so fingers crossed we both feel the benefits soon.
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Oh sounds good! Let me know how you get on with it :)
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This was the first blog I read by Magnolia and it was such a relief to see it! So here it is:
https://www.theperimenopauseblog.com/symptoms-of-perimenopause/
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Very good blog Starla, I will continue with the magnesium, I am also taking iron and will give it a few weeks and see how it goes. Who knows, this could be the miracle I've been searching for lol
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This was the first blog I read by Magnolia and it was such a relief to see it! So here it is:
https://www.theperimenopauseblog.com/symptoms-of-perimenopause/
I also discovered this blog when I was looking up peri symptoms. It's very good.
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Just to see the dizzy and vertigo ones listed made my day! I was pleased she replied on Twitter ☺️ There's a British tv presenter called Yvette Firlding who also had a lot of vertigo symptoms too, that made good reading.
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I got vertigo for the first time about 6 months into peri symptoms. It took a good 10 weeks to clear completely. The GP wasn't that concerned. Mine was worst at night when lying down. Computer or Nintendo stuff made it worse. He said it can also be made worse by your inner ear hairs getting thinner which happens when you get older. The joys! It's not nice and people aren't that sypathetic as you look fine.
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HI Roseneath, I'm curious how you got rid of vertigo/dizziness. Mine comes and goes but nothing seems to get rid of it
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Yammy. The vertigo gradually went away. I did only really notice it when lying down or sometimes when I was on the computer. I do occasionally get a different sense of off balance which seems to be to do with my eyes. My GP also mentioned something to do with your inner ear hairs getting thinner with age and this effecting balance. I am on proprananol too (beta blocker) for anxiety so maybe it is blood pressure changes. Must say I used to love rollercoasters but can't go on them now as they make me feel so sick afterwards.
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Vertigo is the PITS. I had it a few times after suffering with colds .......... like being hung over without having had a drink!