Menopause Matters Forum
General Discussion => This 'n' That => Topic started by: Sooby on July 25, 2017, 07:18:25 PM
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Over the past 5 years a combination of job change, relocation, lifestyle commitments and emotional upheaval has seen a number of my friendships fall by the wayside.
It is in no small part down to me as I can see that my view of some people has changed and perhaps also my view of myself and what I am looking for in others. I used to have friends who were different from me but now I find that I lack the motivation to make time for those who I have little in common with. But finding others who share our passions, interests and values can be difficult, or so I have found. :-\
I'm always intrigued by those of you who manage to make friends with each other through this forum and wonder if coming together to share your experiences of your journey, does lead to real lasting friendships?
Do you find that you have lots in common outside of the forum or is your friendship built on something else?
Although I dont miss my old friends, I do miss the opportunity to make new ones. ???
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From the friends I've made on here obviously menopause is our biggest connection but second to that for me personally I'd say it's sense of humour
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I think if someone is having the same problem it gets you talking, I'm on a lot of nail groups and have made some really good friends even met up with a couple. I have more virtual friends then real ones 😳xxx
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I made a friend on the forum.
She's been totally amazing and helped me no end with my anxiety and depression which I didn't have until peri menopause.
When you get those awful feelings, it helps to have someone who knows how you feel to talk to.
My friends and sister are totally oblivious to what lies in store. My Mum went through it at 28, over 40 years ago, so this forum has made me feel human. Which is so important, when you feel like you are going mad.
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Yes I started at 25 my sister keeps saying she is dreading it because of what she sees me going through and my mum asides through it.
Even now at 43 I have no one to talk about it with only on here. Xx
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On here, I feel I can be honest about how I feel and get support. When asked how I am by friends and family, I tend to say I'm fine, even if I'm not. I've made some good friends here. I do have lovely friends, but friendships tend to be based on shared interests.
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I can be completely open on here. Saying things I wouldn't consider to face-2-face friends ......... I have several e-mail friends made on various Forums across the World which have endured. None met face-2-face - yet ;)
I don't take crap anymore. The person who stated that I live in an art gallery was off my C.mas card list ........ others who haven't supported me/Himself during my intense depression and anxiety are also gone. I don't have deep friendships any more, but do have people who help in various ways if I need them too.
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When we were teens and going into puberty together it seemed different somehow, menopause happens so variably at different ages that it can be isolating, especially if we have moved from the 'family' village. I had pen friends for years but they gradually stopped writing .... I got fed up with being the one who kick-started replies ::)
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We did 'all that' in the 1970s/80s ;-). The dinner parties. The BarBQs. Picnics on the beach. Now we can't be bothered quite frankly and note that those who do the Safari Suppers etc. are at least 10 years younger. We might make a cuppa for neighbours if we are all out gardening/talking at the same time on a sunny day but I can't be bothered to dress up quite frankly ;D
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I've never had many friends, and definitely not really close friends, but that's fine with me as I'm a private person and don't really like to share too much. It doesn't worry me as I've always been happy on my own. I'm also wary because I've seen people get really close, maybe too close, then have a massive falling out and it just seems like too much drama.
We always used to make an effort to get to know our neighbours so we could say hello, pass the time, etc. but in the last 10 years we've only had nasty neighbours so I go out of my way to avoid them. If I was ever lucky enough to move I would like to think we have people around that I want to know.
Interesting what you say about penpals CLKD as I had an email friend for around 9 months and we got on great, then we met up and we just didn't get on, and never communicated again.
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Agree with what others have said, I can be completely honest & open about how I feel and what I've been through along with getting advice and support. If I'd done that face to face with my friends I would've been judged no doubt been told to stop being a drama queen!
Getting old totally relate about people getting close happened to me and I've seen/heard it happen since I moved away. Most of time I'm happy with my own company.
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OK Sooby - >gets thinking cap on< ........ coq au van followed by: ? or spagg Bol which can be messy ;-) - Sloe gin?
Long black skirt with ruffled bottom with a red blouse which has bell sleeves and a ruffled neck line ...... no shoes?
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I like the sound of a virtual dinner party. I can come without any clothes on and you wouldn't even know! :bounci:
If you want to have a real dinner with friends and dislike or get stressed about cooking like me, you can do what we do. We have potato evenings. Baked potatoes with a variety of accompaniments, cheese, prawns, salad, tin of chilli etc. Easy peasy and fun. Food intolerances and likes easy to cater for. Dress code very casual. Other friends have copied this idea. It all started when a friend wanted to cater for my food intolerances and developed from there.
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Yes I feel the same a few have left who were really helpful, I hope they come back as one lady has followed my story from five years ago and always helped xxx
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Sooby - what do you want to get out of that particular type of connection?
Paper parasols ....... these were the days but Babycham had a habit of making me really windy and nauseas about 6 hours later :-\ :'(
Fondue anyone: cheese with dips or chocolate ?
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I don't know if this sounds odd but what I appreciate most about this forum is being able to chat generally with ladies who see life in general through menopausal eyes. I'm not good at talking about symptoms, almost certainly because my Mum always used to steer conversations away from that. She had cancer but she was more concerned if one of us had a cold than with answering questions about how she was feeling. She absolutely hated talking about symptoms and that's rubbed off on to me. I sometimes feel I'm no good on this forum, as I don't tend to ask people how they are, very often and only occasionally talk about physical things. And I'm very aware that most of what I post is about non-health things, especially one topic ::)! I do hope folk don't mind. It's just that you ladies are such a friendly bunch and we all know what it's like to feel horribly hormonal. I like this site because it's so understanding, humourous and (where applicable!) light-hearted - which I find is a good menopausal antidote in itself.
Is that okay? :-\
Dulciana x
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More than ok, Dulciana! You have been a good virtual friend to me and I count you as part of my musical support system. Besides we need someone to play the virtual portable organ to play for when we start singing!
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Sooby I would say it's because of the ME as sometimes it's easier then cancelling all the time.
My partner is my best friend and my daughter.
I have moved around a lot so you do lose touch but friends I've had since I was in my teens are always there if I need them, we don't talk all the time but when we do it's like we only chatted yesterday.
I think with ME you put up walls to protect yourself xx
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More than ok, Dulciana! You have been a good virtual friend to me and I count you as part of my musical support system. Besides we need someone to play the virtual portable organ to play for when we start singing!
Thank you, Ju Ju - that's really nice to know and I hope your singing is still going well. And good point about the VPO! :)
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.............The people I find I connect with are the ones who have a sense of humour as quite honestly with all the stresses life throws at us I think it's vital to be able to laugh when you can, even if it could be classed as hysteria at times!......S x
Thank Sparkle. And me too, re. having a sense of humour - it really is important to be able to laugh.....in fact, that reminds me of a day in my final year at school. I was in an English class, where we were studying some literary classic or other and to bring the chapter to life, we were taking it in turns to read sections of text. All went well until somebody read their bit out and I was the only one in the class who saw a double meaning in the words, at which point I guffawed audibly from my desk - right in the middle of the room! The embarrassment when I was told to stay behind and was doled out a detention. I felt soooooooooo infantile!! :-[ Yes, I also get on best with folk who can see the funny side of things. As the thread here says, Laughter is the best medicine! :) :)
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My mum always says to me least you can still laugh you haven't lost your sense of humour! (Dealing with ME and POF) xxx
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I bet it did, Sparkle. Good for you!
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My mum always says to me least you can still laugh you haven't lost your sense of humour! (Dealing with ME and POF) xxx
....And I bet it's great therapy, Lil22!
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Defiantly! My partner has me laughing so much sometimes I say don't talk anymore as get a stitch 😂 Xx
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Defiantly! My partner has me laughing so much sometimes I say don't talk anymore as get a stitch 😂 Xx
That reminds me of when I'd just come out of hospital after having one of my ovaries removed, in 1984. Hubby and I had only been married just over a year. It was a really cold night in mid-December. Hubby (in one of his more eccentric moments!) came to bed in a thick jumper and woolly balaclava and not much else (TMI, I know!) He looked so funny that I laughed out loud, but unfortunately that felt like someone sticking a fork into my tummy wound! Ouchhhhhhh! ;D
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Haha! Im visualising this and it's making me laugh!
Ouch poor you though. Mind nice to look back and ha e that memorie (him) xxx
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Haha! Im visualising this and it's making me laugh!
Ouch poor you though. Mind nice to look back and ha e that memorie (him) xxx
:) Yes indeed!
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Hi - a late arrival popping in. I have my Laura Ashley long party dress on.
I have brought a tin of assorted water biscuits, and sophisticated cheese - some Danish Blue, Red Winsor, and smoked cheese in the shape of a sausage ???
No port, but I have a bottle of Harvey's Bristol Cream if anyone is game ;)
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Hi - a late arrival popping in. I have my Laura Ashley long party dress on.
I have brought a tin of assorted water biscuits, and sophisticated cheese - some Danish Blue, Red Winsor, and smoked cheese in the shape of a sausage ???
No port, but I have a bottle of Harvey's Bristol Cream if anyone is game ;)
I've not had a drink in 9 yrs but what the heck! Bunk up and pour me a large one please 😬Xxx
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I live with a man who reads double meanings into everything I say! I was once a young innocent :D now I seem to spend life giggling!
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Yes it kind of becomes habit Sooby.
Juju when my daughter was 5 she asked what my laugh was like which was sad (was a difficult time and was in a difficult relationship ), but I meet my partner nine years ago and have never stopped laughing, not even at funny things just he makes me laugh so much at really random things. Xx
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Haha I no what you mean sparkle, yes could throttle him on some occasions to, not many luckily.
I definatly think laughing has helped, if you don't laugh you cry xxx
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This is beginning to sound like Abigail's Party! Demis Roussos playing in the background ... ;D
Dulciana, that description of your hubby made me laugh out loud!!
S x
;D
D. x
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Hi - a late arrival popping in. I have my Laura Ashley long party dress on.
I have brought a tin of assorted water biscuits, and sophisticated cheese - some Danish Blue, Red Winsor, and smoked cheese in the shape of a sausage ???
No port, but I have a bottle of Harvey's Bristol Cream if anyone is game ;)
Sounds good, dahliagirl! :)
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I've not had a drink in 9 yrs but what the heck! Bunk up and pour me a large one please
Vitual drinks parties have their uses. By far the healthy option!
http://www.metaspoon.com/garfunkel-simon?cat=celebrities&fb=M1 A bit of Simon and Garfunkel for background music :) (When Demis has finished his turn).
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That sounds more like the adventures of Samantha on I'm sorry I haven't a clue - the doubles entendres there get a bit single ;D