Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => All things menopause => Topic started by: Noheroicsplease on May 05, 2017, 03:02:54 PM
-
I have a pretty disciplined lifestyle - hard exercise, work, writing, young son, relationship - which takes up a lot of my depleted energies most of the time. I definitely feel tired a lot, and try to go to bed early.
But I also feel like I've become quite anti-social. I do what I have to do to keep my son out there, involved with friends, but for me, I find myself cancelling a lot of plans or not wanting to go to parties etc. I just cancelled going to a friend's 50th tonight and I feel bad about it, but also huge relief that I can go to bed and read my book.
I know energy has something to do with this, but it feels more layered. Like I'm withdrawn a bit.
Does anyone else have this feeling? Experience this?
-
I didn't go places etc. due to acute anxiety, it really wasn't worth saying 'yes' to find out I had to cancel ....... now I'm not that bothered! We did the dinner parties, BarBQs, rambling walks with picnics in the 1970s ::). This is now my time ;-).
It's not due to menopause but simply where I am in Life.
-
If I plan something, especially if it's something special - going to a gig, party - I always cancel. Always. It's weird. I prefer staying in but I don't want to shrink away, if that makes sense.
-
Is it anxiety that causes you to cancel?
-
Yes, me
Before menopause you couldn't keep me in. If OH suggested a night out I was in that shower dolling myself up in a flash
Gradually things started to change, I felt withdrawn, pathetic and wanting to be alone. I thought I was just becoming 'not a people person' which wasn't like me. I started to feel faint in company and it was only last year I realised I had the symptoms of social anxiety. This started in 2012 and I hate it. OH is so patient but it's not fair on him. I'm a little better in recent months but so much room for improvement x
-
I by-pass the disappointment by not booking much these days and certainly not tempted to anything out of my comfort zone. [except on Sunday >sigh< ]
-
Yes probably as I gave up alchol nine years ago, then moved to a new place to be near my partner five years ago and don't no anyone here but I'm use to it I guess. Xx
-
I don't feel anxiety - I can hold my own in most situations. I feel indifferent. I want to be on my own - I've always loved my own company but now I really love it.
The tiredness does not help. I feel like a soldier in the snow a lot of the time.
Glad I'm not alone.
I need to book less!
-
Before I read your last reply I was going to say something very similar. I have anxiety but focused on mostly health or nothing at all! What I have noticed is I cancel social events left right and centre. I feel like I want to step off the train track and just sit by myself. If that makes sense?? I might sometimes just relish quiet time to make lists in my head lol if I do go I feel like I have completely wasted precious time xx
-
I don't feel anxiety - I can hold my own in most situations. I feel indifferent. I want to be on my own - I've always loved my own company but now I really love it.
The tiredness does not help. I feel like a soldier in the snow a lot of the time.
Glad I'm not alone.
I need to book less!
I can so identify with the indifference. I would much rather scratch my cat's ears...
-
Yes, that sounds familiar DaisyB. I had times where I literally scuttled back into what I felt was my sanctuary i.e. home. It's usually where you feel safest isn't it.
S x
Yes my home and my cat!
DaisyB, I can identify with that wasted time feeling...
-
Yes, that sounds familiar DaisyB. I had times where I literally scuttled back into what I felt was my sanctuary i.e. home. It's usually where you feel safest isn't it.
S x
Yes sparkle and Matilda- I actually started feeling that I preferred my dogs company to other people's 😜
-
I can so relate to the dog/person thing!
I love hanging out with just my dog!
-
I've never been that sociable really, live alone and always love getting home and shutting the door :) I do find that I worry about planning meet ups in case I feel awful, or have a heavy period. Nothing worse than having to pretend you feel ok when you don't, or even worse, blabber on about the menopause yet again. Does make the 'what did you do at the weekend?' conversation at work a bit awkward though, unless it is a pupil who is asking as they've usually sat in watching netflix too ;)
-
I've gone from social butterfly to hermit. I used to love people, parties, days out, and road trips. xxx
-
Me too. Concerts, dining out, weekends away. I miss ME!!! :'(
-
Been there, done all that and the thought of dressing up :o - I'm out of bed, what more do people want :whist:
-
I miss being social. I don't schedule much lately because I just don't feel like it. I have some friends who have self-diagnosed themselves with social anxiety, and they try to pin that label on me, but it's not the social part that gets me. It's the settings, the standing around with no place to sit when I feel weak, sometimes the noise, the eating whatever is served that I don't really like. My sofa, my food, my television are quite comfy. I'm really becoming a grouchy old person at 40! I should see what the retirement homes have going on weekend nights. I would likely enjoy their parties! I am trying to put away my hermit tendencies for a few hours each week though, and usually enjoying it.
-
This is me to! Its not anxiety just dont want to go to events. Its weird I thought it was just me
-
Since we moved with hubby's new job from South Wales to Yorkshire, I don't have any friends, which I struggle with, I do have my sister & family 40 mins away, which is great. Lost all my friends back in Wales thanks to my severe PMS. Luckily I have always enjoyed my own company! I do have people I've met through swimming regularly & zumba.
-
I don't feel anxiety - I can hold my own in most situations. I feel indifferent. I want to be on my own - I've always loved my own company but now I really love it.
I really "get" this. :o I don't have anxiety - in fact, I am an introvert that can be extroverted when needed. Indifference it a great word for it.... I've always liked my alone time. I love being with friends at times, with my family (a lot)... but I don't mind having a lot of me time. I'm not upset with anyone, it's just nice. ::)
I am one who goes to events, but I am already looking forward to being back home BEFORE I get out the door. (Anyone?) If I have a lot of days in a row where I have to be "on" I need several days where I can be home and "off."
I love people - I really do! It's so hard to explain. :-\
-
I want to get the event over and done with, fast - so that I know if I've a) had a panic attack or b) if I've actually enjoyed it - by then of course, it's too late *to* enjoy it.
I got fed up with small talk. Of local gossip. Of people wanting me to do stuff for them but not reciprocating so I now say 'no' more often. Himself and I go out and about together, we meet people at our sports venues or old work mates a few times a year ........ I certainly don't like to be with family as too much is expected of us ........
-
Omg CKLD ditto small talk & gossip. I was always doing things for my friends - walking their dogs, taking children home from school bus drop off even picking one child up from school never got reciprocated & I still didn't say no. At least I don't have that problem anymore, love to see how they cope now!! :P
-
I decided after I'd been let down by a few 'friends' not to get as involved when we moved far, far away - I was very stand offish initially but got drawn in .......... but then I put my own stamp on what I did/not do for others. When I cracked up in the mid 1990s I soon found out who friends were :-\
I am friends with those in the various groups I go to and sociable with people I meet on a regular basis but we no longer do the dinner parties your place/our place - that is so 1970s >yawn< ;)
How lonely are U Yorkshire Girl?
-
Yorkshiregirl - I too have no close friends - my daughter calls me weird ;D I hate demands being made on me - my family are all close by so I have plenty of company when I want it ;)
That said I started with a new chiropractor recently and last night he was hosting a small class on aromatherapy oils. I was a bit hesitant as I reckoned they couldn't teach me anything I don't already know :o I have been using oils since I was a young girl. Anyway I went and realised afterwards that it was more the social aspect I liked and am missing! Just 3 other women attended but we had good craic ;D i think I will look for a new class/hobby over the summer - just to get that sociable experience that I am missing :'(
DaisyB x
-
yes massively! I have not seen any of my friends socially since the start of the year. I moved house recently and I haven't invited anyone round yet! Its difficult to explain why but I guess it is peri / meno related. I'm not known for being massively social but I didn't previously actively avoid everything as I do now. I feel relieved when I'm on my own. I mean I still do a lot, I'm not a hermit but I pretty much like doing everything on my own.
-
I decided after I'd been let down by a few 'friends' not to get as involved when we moved far, far away - I was very stand offish initially but got drawn in .......... but then I put my own stamp on what I did/not do for others. When I cracked up in the mid 1990s I soon found out who friends were :-\
I am friends with those in the various groups I go to and sociable with people I meet on a regular basis but we no longer do the dinner parties your place/our place - that is so 1970s >yawn< ;)
How lonely are U Yorkshire Girl?
Hi CLKD It's like we're twins in this! Before we moved from South Wales all the really good friends turned their backs on me all because of my severe PMS which took hold of me 3 out of every 4 weeks they just didn't care anymore. Just before we moved one of my closest friends was having a 40th I put £20 in for pressie, I was then told not to come & I never got a thank you. Moving to Yorkshire in a way has been a blessing in disguise & I can be very lonely at times but I'm wary of making friends. Thankfully I don't mind my own company & my sister is a 40 mins drive away xx