Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => Personal Experiences => Topic started by: Spangles on April 19, 2017, 08:14:29 AM
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Hi Ladies,
I have the most amazing, loving and most of the time supportive partner.
However sometimes I feel like I'm going off him, we've been together for 16 years, I have heard this can happen during menopause.
I love him dearly but these thoughts do bother me.
Has anyone else ever felt like this?
Feeling confused.
Shellb
xXx
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Hi Shellb
I wouldn't worry too much. I think being in any relationship is like being on a roller coaster: you have good times and times less so good.
I've been with my husband for 40 years, since I was just 17. I love him dearly, we have tons in common, my goodness we've grown up together, BUT he drives me up the wall sometimes!! If you think about it though, it's the same with any relationship, be it with parents, children, friends or partners. I think too that marriage isn't always easy, you have ups and downs. Sometimes you have to work hard to get through tricky periods, sometimes it can all seem a bit flat for no reason.
Of course it doesn't help when the hormones are going like the clappers. When you're feeling low, fed up with the constant onslaught, it is far too easy to look at things negatively and everyone takes out their dissatisfaction or angst on their nearest and dearest. (Think how bloody awful teenagers can be to their parents!).
We enjoy doing lots together but equally have our own interests that we pursue separately. That suits us but every couple will be different. Have you analysed what it is that you are concerned about?
I wouldn't worry too much, I bet you will probably feel differently in a months time. You love him dearly, he is the most amazing loving supportive partner - it seems to me that you don't need to worry too much!! xx
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I agree with Elizabethrose. Hubby & I are 40 years married, come September. Ups & downs we've had a few, but still together. No relationship is perfect. Blooming hormones, or lack of have so much to answer for. Love & respect for each other overrides the blips we've had.
Nowadays I say when I'm having a bad day, so hubby knows to duck first. ;)
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I went off DH during the peri menopause stage. Fortunately, I realised these feelings were temporary. They passed. What ever the cause, whether hormonal or not, they were just feelings.
Yes, feel these feelings, let these thoughts and feelings and thoughts pass through. Don't judge these thoughts and feelings or yourself for having them.
I am post menopausal now and can feel the love again. The ups and downs of our marriage has made our relationship stronger and surprisingly far more romantic than it ever was when we were younger.
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Sparkle, step away from that frying pan.................
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Tee-hee, nothing if not predictable! ;D
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;D
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Hello Shelb.
I agree with the other ladies, infact I think I've posted about my dwindling feelings for my husband and all human beings before now. I hope when I am free of flushes, anxiety and other meno symptoms I can return to tolerating my fellow man lol. I've certainly lost touch with most kinds of contentment during this menopause journey. You are not alone.
Take care.
K.
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Hello again ladies.
Yep, certainly agree with just wanting to be alone most of the time. Everyone is so irritating.
Sparkle - don't get me started on Waitrose and those coffee drinkers! Our branch is full of people sloshing their boiling hot liquid around or dribbling it all over the aisles. The old ladies are the worst as they sit on the benches near the tills with their trollies cluttering up the exit whilst slowly sipping their drinks and staring at the shoppers. Why? Several times I've seen an old dear lose her grip and send a cup crashing to the floor then it's spillage alert time as staff with paper towels descend.
Sorry for the rant ladies, I'm not having a good day but I know you'll understand lol.
Take care.
K.
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Yep. Many years ago I wondered whether I had made a wrong decision, I woke in the early hours feeling shocked and sick: so I went back to the fun we had experienced in the previous 5+ years, any shared memories etc. and decided it was a blip - that I was in the 'best' place at that time - 41 years later :-*.
What a meander ;D - I HATE those forward pushing buggies, the child gets all the fumes from the vehclies no wonder there's so much asthma around as well as no communication with the parent. It was proven in the 1980s that children pushed away from their carer become more violent because they have to shout in order to be heard ..........
I'm annoyed that supermarkets allow coffee to be carried when people are shopping, an accident waiting to happen :-\
What was the question :D :-X
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:lol:
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Lol never really liked husband before but no other fool would have him ;Dbut to be honest he does put up with a lot from me,i accused him one day a couple of years ago of having an affair n had a complete meltdown in the local shopping precinct cuz he was acting all shifty,bearing in mind we don't really go out without each other,it turned out he was planning my50th birthday surprises,had egg on my face didn't i lol n a lovely birthday :)and to be honest I couldn't be bothered to break a new one in after 34 years xx
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Do you fear that you are, somehow, 'missing out'?
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Morning sparkle we are absolutely fine probably got better over the years,kids grown up ain't got to worry about them (really)?? We are like best buddies growing old gracefully,we know each other's faults lumps and bumps lol.when I go off on one he just shakes his baldy head n grins :).he was bought up with 8 sisters n had 3 daughters he really hasn't had a leg to tand on ;Dxx
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Thanks ladies
Good to know I'm not the only one! It just worries me that sometimes I don't fancy him anymore but find other men attractive. Then other days I do fancy him, hate these hormones! He's my rock and my best friend and I'm sure he has days where he's not liking me either.
xXx
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My hubby has one or two mannerisms that I've recently started to find irritating, but I've managed to tell myself that the problem is with li'l ol' hormonal me and not with him. He and I share so much of what is important in our lives and he can still make me go weak at the knees with one of his "looks" ::), so I've learned to deal with these little irritations and not let them get in the way of our marriage. I know he is the best person for me to share my life with and I know he feels that about me, because he's told me. No way am I going to let hormones ruin that. They're temporary, for goodness' sake.