Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => All things menopause => Topic started by: Tinkerbellj on April 12, 2017, 04:03:28 PM
-
Anyome else feel like they r going to have to give up work? I currently. Work 19 hrs over two days but have just been informed that its changing amd being split over 3 days which means I have to arrange another days childcare. I am so stressed and just sitting here shaking at the thought of negotiating with my horrible boss. I have no confidence at all and so anxious all the time I dont recognise myself I hate leaving the house at all and just cant afford to stop working. Sorry just needed a rant. this is pure hell. I want me back. I want to laugh again
-
:foryou:
I've got a stressful job TBell and I'm currently off. Lots of pressure, long hours, lots of travelling. Can't cope and not sure if I'll ever be up to it again. Can you just not stick to your guns and say 2 days or get a medical line from your doc saying that's all you can work? X
-
I will see if he considers . my request but not holding my breath. I might even ask to drop to 16 hrs but I doubt he will he has already said if I dont like it he will terminate my contract. I have serious anxiety leaving my children ages 5 and 2 as it is another day will wreck me. I was off 7 months ago for 5 months with pnd first time sick in 12 years. its really just the attitude that has really annoyed me. xxx
-
Tinkerbell I have felt like I will have to give up work for about the last 18 months when all this anxiety started, I plod on though but think it is only a matter of time. That is quite a lot of hours over 2 days when you are going through meno & have 2 young children you must be shattered, I stuggle & my children are in their 20's & don't need me anymore.I read on A Vogel website that we find we cannot cope at work & home & this is due to the drop in oestrogen, I am the same as you anxious at work & get panic attacks but my colleagues are all aware so know when I am having a bad day & know when I am a bit happier! (not that it is often now) , I also feel the same that I do not recognise myself & have turned into this scared person overnight, I also do not like leaviny the house much it is like my safe haven, it is pure hell & because people only see the outside they think all is ok but it is the inside that is destroying us, I fell the same as you so you are not alone
-
Oh you poor souls. Not sure if you work for small employers or large ones and what your contracts say. employers shouldn't ride roughshod over you but many will try and do so.
Firstly, you need to check your contracts and employers sick pay arrangements should you need to go off. Secondly, have a look at this.
https://www.som.org.uk/sites/som.org.uk/files/Guidance-on-menopause-and-the-workplace.pdf
And this
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/work/handle-menopause-workplace/
Fight your corner girls- go to citizens advice or employment lawyer ( your household insurance might cover this ) Don't take it lying down. none of us want to fight- we've got enough crap to deal with so maybe a gentle chat or giving them a copy of these docs/ articles, might make them think twice. Hope you get on ok x
-
My manager, HR & colleagues are all well aware of what I am going through, I can get up from my desk anytime & go for a walk outside if I feel panicky & also say no to extra tasks if I feel I cannot cope, I can take full sick pay but I choose to carry on as I don't want to be at home & lose my independace but when I have a bad day I think to myself how much longer can I do this. I work with women & they all understand hormones! Thank you for the links Michelemabelle
-
Well, I work for a team of employment lawyers in a solicitors office and at my appraisal the other day, my boss, who knows I'm pretty unhappy at work and struggle with anxiety actually said "we are a young team and he doesn't want the team being brought down by any negativity"!!!! I'm just the old moaner in the corner :steamed: I could have just picked up my bag and left there and then. We've now gone from 4 secretaries to two of us....I work 4 full days and the other girl does 3. I could cry, I'm so tired and weary with it but hubby will be out of work soon as he found out last week that the company has been sold.....aaaaghhh, I don't think I can work like this for much longer. I'm 60 and done in!
I feel for you Tinkerbell :'( xx
-
Tinkerbellj - check your Contract?
-
im self-employed, had to do this to work around anxiety but much of my work involves driving to unfamiliar places, never knowing what is expected so i often find myself almost frozen with fear on the drive there!
Justjules, I'm ready to stomp into your office and give them a piece of my mind.
You could mention that for a "young team", learning to accommodate very common health conditions that affect many employees of all ages is actually a very positive learning experience! It could give them very valuable insight into what some of their clients are suffering at work when they take their bosses to court!
In fact, you are so overwhelmed with joy that you could be persuaded to provide an even more positive experience by offering them a seminar on anxiety at the reduced rate of £500.
-
im self-employed, had to do this to work around anxiety but much of my work involves driving to unfamiliar places, never knowing what is expected so i often find myself almost frozen with fear on the drive there!
Justjules, I'm ready to stomp into your office and give them a piece of my mind.
You could mention that for a "young team", learning to accommodate very common health conditions that affect many employees of all ages is actually a very positive learning experience! It could give them very valuable insight into what some of their clients are suffering at work when they take their bosses to court!
In fact, you are so overwhelmed with joy that you could be persuaded to provide an even more positive experience by offering them a seminar on anxiety at the reduced rate of £500.
HI
I handed in my resignation last week. I am 53 and have worked for my local council for 29 years. I have been struggling with menopausal issues for months, particularly VA and more recently anxiety. I have been off sick since january; I just couldn't function at work. I asked to access my pension on ill health which is being considered but my GP said it's unlikely. I can access it at 55 but that's a year away. The GP said the criteria includes a medic saying I won't get better before 65.
Anyway the crunch came when my manger and HR asked me to meet with them and said they were looking at terminating my contract due to attendance issues and me saying I am not fit to return. I thought, I can't deal with this stress. At this horrible stage of life everything seems to go wrong. My husband was made redundant last May and is retraining.
I am trying to see these things as positives, opportunities, chance for a new start. That doesn't mean I don't have a cry each day and that I don't look like crap or that I am not the person I was...it's just how I am trying to see things. I think plodding on and working under stress and in a difficult situation caused me to get ill, or at least made it worse.
Interesting from my point of view is, with so many women now in the work force, women living longer and more of us likely to be there and be menopausal, how are firms and employers going to deal with this.
I feel quite sad at ending my career as I have and it is a loss but I am trying to hang on to my mental health.
So I do understand all of you who feel work is hard and who feel unable to carry on.
-
Yeah- I'm the old negative moaner too Just Jules. And you'd think working for a team of employment lawyers they would be super careful. Have you looked at the links I posted. Maybe you should try giving your charming boss a copy?
It's a fact that we don't fire on all cylinders if we struggle with the menopausal and work related stress symptoms just add to this and make the problems worse. It's also sad that a lot of women feel that they need to leave or are sacked as a result. Some employers are becoming more enlightened but many aren't and I do believe also that the workplace is more stressful and competitive in a lot of cases. We have a lot to give but it can be very debilitating. We need to stand up and let our voices be heard. X
-
Ha, thanks Elliemay for the offer - wish I could take you up on it!
MM - yes, looked at your helpful links thanks. It's sad because I sit here typing about similar scenarios and although employers are supposed to make allowances and try being helpful in these sorts of circumstances, they actually think people like us are a pain in the ass and just pay 'lip service' to anything they are supposed to be seen to be doing. They have all sorts of ways to oust us out as let's face it, no company wants to carry somebody who is only really doing half a job most days. It's ridiculous in that if we're now expected to work for so much longer, companies want young, vibrant, speedy on the technology employees, not us poor worn out menopausal anxiety suffering folk. Where exactly do we 'oldies' fit in, in the workplace, unless we're filling up supermarket shelves (not belittling that, as I've done that in the past when the kids were little) or working in a cake shop a few hours a week!!! They certainly don't want us in offices in case we spoil the 'team' pictures ha ha ;D
-
I am another of those ladies who was sacked because of menopausal symptoms (aged 45). I was on long term sick due to fatigue and insomnia. My job was a very stressful job, where tasks had to be done in a set time with no mistakes. Not compatible with no sleep. My employers were not at all supportive. The stress of the situation left me dealing with anxiety too. It is a bit of a vicious circle.
Tinkerbellj and Dee46 - I agree that juggling meno, kids and jobs is really tough. Hope you both manage to ride it out. It sounds like your work are being supportive though Dee46.
Michelemabelle - hope things work out for you too. Stressful jobs and meno is a difficult mix.
Justjules - sorry to hear about your unsupportive boss. It doesn't sound like you are getting an easy time at work. Sorry about your husband's job. issues. Is there no job for him once his company is sold?
Elliemay - I am now self employed too, and find it really does help when working around meno symptoms. I only do a few hours here and there, but at least I feel I am still contributing to the household coffers. I don't know how you cope with driving to unknown places. I never liked it that before the perimenopause struck!
Linfit - sorry to hear you felt you had to resign. I hope that you managed to get paid for your notice period? I know what you mean about not being the person you used to be and feeling sad at the loss of your career. I hope that your new start works out for you, and that your husband manages to get employment after retraining.
-
Yeah- Let's all kick ass!!!
With our sensible shoes on ( alas pointy stilettos are a thing of the past for me ) :valkyrie:
XXX to all you wonderful ladies
-
I've just taken voluntary redundancy from my job at the council, primarily because I had lost my drive and enthusiasm for the job. I feel very fortunate that I'm in a position to be able to take it. However, I don't know if it was coincidence or not as many applied
but all those who got VR (with the exception of one male) were women over 50!!! It did make me wonder if there was a hidden agenda re women of a certain age.
-
Hi all
I'm also in a difficult predicament with work (see my thread on Femoston v Femseven for details!)
I saw an occupational therapist at work a little while back and she was quite supportive to be fair. Since then I started taking Femseven sequi patches however they haven't made any difference at all yet- not that I'd expect them to at this stage.
But, and this may be (probably is) a coincidence, I did get hit by a terrible, crashing depression with full-on suicidal thoughts about 4 days after applying the first patch (I'm not a person who has a history of mental health difficulties). Anyway, I ended up phoning the Samaritans because I was so desperate. They persuaded me to go to the A&E department where I was taken under the wing of the mental health crisis unit. Since then I have been given a short course of sleeping tablets along with an anti-anxiety pill for the mornings and a heavy duty anti-depressant (mirtazapine). Much as I hate to say this, I am feeling better (and calmer) now ... So I think these medications do have their place, but, as with HRT, getting the right combination can be difficult. I was given Sertraline by my GP for perimenopausal anxiety and it made me extremely agitated and disrupted even further my very poor sleep and concentration.
Anyway, returning to the OP's main point about menopause and work! All of this has led to me being signed off for another 4 weeks and I suspect that it's only going to add fuel to the fire of my employer who I'm pretty sure is eyeballing me for redundancy, despite anything the occupational therapist might say. The reality is I'm 'objectively' underperforming and I've been there less that two years, so I think that means they can pretty much do what they like.
Like others on here (Binbon2 - hello!), my work demands long hours, high levels of concentration and excellent memory. None of which I have anymore (or at least only in intermittent phases).
I really do think there needs to be greater awareness of menopause issues in the workplace. Most people (myself until two years ago included) tend to think the main menopause problem is hot flushes, but there's so much more to it than that. And yes, some (maybe most?) women get through it all without any major difficulties. But, as Michelemabelle, says for some of us it's a really debilitating condition which impacts on both the type of work we can do and on the amount of time we can spend on work in any given day or week.
So a big group hug to us all who are trying to get through this damn thing! :hug:
It's great to have this forum where we can support each other and at least know that we're not alone in our experiences ...
S x
-
Hi Sally66. I was wondering how you were. Sorry to hear about the crashing depression. Glad that the medication is helping you feel better. I hope that the 4 weeks off will give you time for things to really settle so that you can function at work.
When is your work making people redundant? When we had redundancies at my old work people were scored on a range of things. Can you find out from HR what criteria they will be using to select people?
I agree that there should be a greater awareness and understanding of menopause symptoms at work. I do wonder about what impression people at my old work have of me now, but at least I was there for 11 years, so most people knew how I worked before perimenopause hit. I still can't believe how my life is now. If someone had have told me two years ago what my life and career would be like I wouldn't have believed them.
Having said that, I do actually enjoy living life a bit slower. I am lucky that my husband can support me and that we have little mortgage left. My children are happier that I am at home and my husband gets more time to relax as well. So as a family unit life is better despite the poor sleep/fatigue. I do sometimes feel a bit isolated though. I need to try and find myself a way to get out and meet new people. But I remind myself that Rome wasn't built in a day and to give myself time to adjust to this new life - and to take things day-by-day and try not to worry about the future too much.
As you say Sally66, this forum is really great for finding people experiencing the same issues as you and makes you feel less alone. It has really helped me realise that it is not all in my head and that I am not the only one finding this menopause journey harder than I thought. Thanks to everyone that has shared their experiences.
-
I had to leave a job I loved in 2006 because a mixture of menopause, CFS and anxiety made it impossible as I worked in the funeral service, and there is absolutely no margin for error in that work as you can imagine.
My boss was wonderful, letting me cut my hours and cut my hours and take days off but in the end I made an error through lapse of concentration that could have had catastrophic results for the family if an eagle eyed person at the council had not spotted the error on the paperwork and telephoned the funeral home about it.
I had a chat with my lovely boss and I decided I was too much of a liability to her and it was not fair if she had to oversee all my work, she had more than enough of her own as the funeral director.
I grieved for my job, it was like a bereavement in itself as I loved it and I was good at it before all this crap descended :'(
-
I know that this is adding to my anxiety. I live alone and due to not being well enough to do full time work, and having cuts to working tax credit, my piddly savings have all gone to paying rent & council tax & im on a slippery slope to being forced out of the cheapest house in these parts!
Great, isnt it! We do need to kick ass. Seems like we are bring forced out of work, because employers wont accommodate our horrible symptoms, job centres will force us to look for full time work that we arent up to doing, they'll deny us pensions etc it is outrageous.
We need to work as co-ops with other women who understand and can cover for each other on bad days.
Im at the beginning of working that way and it looks promising.
-
Hope it works out for you Elliemay. A co-op does sound interesting.
-
yes, we are doing community work, most of it voluntary but the paid work is coming in slowly. All of us have had anxiety or depression so we can cover for each other.
-
Hate the thought that u r all suffering too bit so glad u all understand. I am practically agraphobic amd anxiety chokes me every time I have to leave my babies with anyone. I have recently changed from my evorel patch back to oestrogel. supposed to be four pumps a day but trying to do with two. I ha e tried zoely cp but it was terrible. It the change of personality and temper that frightens me. I have no time for anyone and as a nurse that's not good. I don't even really want to be around my family or my babies that I tried for 10 years to have. so angry that hormones can rob me of my life and no one seems or wants to be able to help! thank god for u ladies here xxxx
-
It is hard Tinkerbellj. Hopefully you will feel better once your body has got used to the HRT change. It is so hard to accept that hormones can have such an affect on your life, and that it doesn't always seem easy to fix. It must be so hard for you dealing with meno symptoms when your children are so young. Have you talked to your GP about any mental health help at all? I saw a mental health nurse for some cognitive behaviour therapy. I found that it really helped as it was an hour that I could talk to someone about how I was feeling.
-
Thanks binbon2
I habe had six months off work with pnd(which it wasnt) 12 councilling sessions and 6 cbt which I paid for privately but really didnt feel it helped.much . GP keeps throwing anti ds at me but they all make me sick. I have fibromyalgia as well and they keep saying its that but its not. My joints r agony and fatique unreal. I just want to be on my own all the time. this is my sixth attempt at hrt as well. hormones suck. I did ivf twice and they warn u about the hormones then but I felt great. it was nothing compared to this yet gps wont acknowledge it can make u feel so bad! oh my two babies were both conceived naturally in the end ages 43 and 46 go me lol
-
I think it really depends on the type of company as well. I worked for many years in the City at an investment bank and they were very anti-older employees as they saw them as a risk in terms of potential failing health. The culture was very much about 'working through the pain' when ill and I am sure most of them will end up burning out at a young age. The sympathy for when anyone was off sick (even if they were involved in an accident) was zero and there was an assumption that everyone was faking their sick days - particularly women of a certain age. It was a distasteful robotic culture.
However, as well as being self-employed, I am now a part-time senior post-holder at a London college and their attitude is COMPLETELY different! I work closely with senior management and they are amazingly human in how they assess staff with health problems, which has been such a relief compared to my last experience. I am on an interview panel for a very senior position and we are even travelling to the Midlands to conduct one of the interviews because the candidate is receiving medical treatment for something quite serious, but they recognise its a temporary state and that this person is worthy of the job despite her current (and possible ongoing) medical issues. It really has given me hope in humanity again!
Prior to the college, which is Government/charity funded, I have only ever worked in the private sector and am not sure if this enables them to enforce these rigid and unfair ways of working because they are there own legislators. Has anyone found working for the council or other Gov offices more understanding?