Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => Personal Experiences => Topic started by: lg0053 on October 25, 2016, 05:34:59 AM
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Hello everyone,
I am new here and feel alone in all of this. I am 51 and have the support of a lovely husband and teenage son but they cannot understand this menopause business. I have become very anxious, very low in mood, very tearful and have that 'brain fog'. I work full time and struggled yesterday to even do anything that required an amount of concentration. Can anybody relate to this and what worked for you? Thank you.
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Hi, I am in a similar position, lovely caring husband and teenage daughter. Thought I was coping well with this menopause thing until January. Crippled with anxiety, panic attacks and periods of nausea. I can't plan anything because I never know how bad I will be. I was put on citalopram which caused me to end up in hospital. CBT did not work for me because the cause is chemical(hormonal) so no amount of talking is going to help. I feel lonely and trapped in my own world of despair. I cannot take HRT because of previous breast cancer. I take magnesium and b complex in the hope these will.help in the long run. The gp has given me propanol (beta blocker) and these are helping with the panic attacks. Sorry I can't be more positive for you, but you are not alone in these horrible symptoms. I hope you can find something that works for you. Try anything and everything. Hugs.x
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Hi lg0053
I am currently coming off my HRT and feel the same, although I haven't experienced any anxiety (yet). But, I do have the low feeling and tearfulness.
I also work full time and am finding it hard to concentrate some days. My head feels like it's being gently squeezed and I have a "fog", I sit and stare at my PC screen for ages trying to get the motivation to actually do something, and to stop myself crying.
My female colleagues all know what I'm going through and are very supportive, but I know that I can't spend the rest of my working life in the toilets weeping.
So, yes, I completely relate to what you're going through. I don't have any magic solutions unfortunately, just take one day at a time.
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Totally sympathise. I feel I haven't been truly 'happy' for over 2 years. Health anxiety comes and goes and cripples me at times. I am trying to halve my oestrogen dose as feel I should try and do without at some point - I found the anxiety just as bad without so only use it for the heart, etc benefits. I recently had a 10 day 'window' with no health niggles and I experienced my first surge of joy for years - that actually made me realise how low and 'coasting' I have become.
I keep telling myself it will pass - there are, after all, a lot of happy women out there in their 60s, 70s and 80s!
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It's The Change! Some ladies find that keeping a mood/food/symptom diary helpful. Forgetfulness arrives with the territory, we have a thread 'doing stupid things' ::).
Browse round. Make notes. :welcomemm: Decide which symptoms you need to tackle first and have a chat with your GP/Practice Nurse, however, some are keen to prescribe anti-depressant medication when HRT may be more helpful!
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Yes, I can relate, and HRT seems to have been the magic potion for me. Lots of ladies get by with supplements designed for menopause. I think there's a non-hrt section on the forum that may have some ideas. Many use anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds, either alone or in conjunction with HRT.
Not that it gives any real insight into how long you can expect before this passes, but do you know how far along you are? Post-menopausal with not periods or still in the peri menopausal stages? Rumor has it that it does all settle eventually ;)
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Yes - can relate to your suffering.
I am 57 now using 3pumps of oestrogel with separate prog. I was at my very worse this time last year.Could not leave the house due to anxiety, panic. It was dreadful. The other symptom I had was dizziness/off balance feeling which made my anxiety worse.
I gave up work 2 years ago but feel really guilty. Although my husbands supports me doesn't understand how bad the menopause can be. Just hopeing I have turned a corner and things will improve
Hang in there and feel free to pm me if you need any support
Wxx
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Dear LG003, please don't feel alone, I can assure you that you are most definitely not! Have you spoken to a menopause professional? I found one from this site, she was absolutely lovely, gave me the facts, changed my prescription too as she said the GPs are exactly that "general" practitioners and don't know the detail about menopause. My daughter in law and I take the same make of HRT actually, although her dose is higher than mine as she's had ovaries removed. I also take anti-anxiety meds to supplement it which seems to work. I think diet and exercise play a large part as well, I try not to eat (too much) sugar and I haven't eaten meat for years but that's just a personal choice. I wouldn't bother with the Menopace tablets or whatever chemists sell - but again, that's only personal opinion, if they work for you, then go for it.
I hold down a fairly large job although there are some days when sitting at my desk is the last thing I want to do. I battle on though as I don't want this to beat me! That might be wrong
Apols for rambling! xxx
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Just wanted to say thanks to all who have posted. I now know I'm not alone either. Sometimes think I'm going mad!! Like you say looking at the screen at work- day dreaming- mind blank, probably miserable face. Seems like I'm being isolated at work, don't really care about anything. I am on 20mg Citalopram have been for 2 years, came off for 2 months and had melt down, back on now for 2 months. My husband is so supportive and understanding but I'm a real cow to him. poor guy. lol. I started with period changes when I was 45, haven't had a period for 4 years now and have had the hot flushes for about 5 years. I'm 53 now and wondering if it will ever end!
Any advice?
Thanks
Jan
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Have a buzz word for your husband to throw at you as he leaves the room so that you know you are OTT!
You may find that the AD doesn't work the same if you have had a break.
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Thanks,
Buzzword not a bad idea. I bet he could recommend some lol.xx
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Hello Jangadang
I feel your pain! I've been taken off HRT due to thickened womb lining - I may not be able to take it again :(
I work full time and can't reduce my hours as I need the money. I work in higher education and teach and lead on a few courses. My memory loss/brain fog is worse when I'm teaching than in any other part of my job. I can cope with the administrative tasks okay as these are something I can do in my more alert time (I have a very small alert window early in the morning!) and as such don't cause me so much anxiety.
My anxiety worsens before lectures and when reading/planning for lectures. And I think this must contribute to not being able to retain information the way I used to. I used to be able to make intellectual links between student feedback and the subject matter but often now I just feel myself go blank. It's a really scary feeling.
I've had a colleague observe me and she said that whatever it is im feeling isn't observable. I try and turn things into a bit of a joke with the students - you know... what's that word I'm looking for? Ignore my rule and start googling..! Etc. My god it's hard work though.
I used to run on adrenaline but now the anxiety I feel doesn't come with that sort of kick start boost of nerves...it just sits there and dulls me instead.
If it's any help to you it may be worth speaking with HR and asking if there are any policies in place to support women going through the meno. It's unlikely there will be but you could at least advise them that you are having a difficult time and is there anything the employer can do to support you? They have a LEGAL duty of care towards you which includes supporting your emotional health and wellbeing. Also talk to your manager? My manager is a guy - he listened, nodded, panicked and ran away but at least I feel I've covered my arse in case students complain about scatty crap teaching (so far no complaints so maybe my perception of myself isn't what others perceive?).
You aren't alone with this. It's an awful feeling and I'm sending you a big hug :bighug:
Jx
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You could say CBA "I'm feeling menopausal today so need extra reminders as my mind is fuzzy" ….. that will shock your students into behaving!
:welcomemm: we have threads about 'doing stupid things' and 'that woman has moved into my house' ;-)
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Hi CLKD
I keep wondering about whether to just come clean with the students and mention my menopause... but I just can't do it! I'm not sure why... ::)
I think it's really hard on women who have to work with the meno - we have workplace policies for pregnancy and new mothers and reasonable adjustments can be made....but not with the hormone hell of the meno.
And a lot of us feel very scared to talk about it in case we are seen as weak by our male colleagues, or it's used against us somehow.
Stupid menopause >:(
Jx
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How old are your students and is it a mixed-sex situation? Depending on what your subject is, maybe drop menopause into the lesson ;) - browse round!
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Yes it's hard having to hold it together in the workplace. I've had an awful week having to work very long hours and present at meetings (which had never done before) and this morning a huge technical problem nearly brought me to my knees.
I'm in my dreaded ovulation state where my heart pounds for the whole day and as much as we know it's hormones causing it, the physical lack of breathing space makes everything seem so much more intense and overwhelming!
Yes, I would share with your colleagues and students if the appropriate time arises as it does no one any good keeping quiet about it. I'm sure if most of us here had known how intense the meno symptoms could be, we wouldn't have wasted years investigating other causes.
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Sympathy from me too. I also teach and recognise those blank moments. I now keep a closer eye on my lesson plans than ever before.
Driving home this week I listened to a woman's hour podcast from a week or so ago in which Jane Garvey tried to work out someone's birthdate and failed and then said later something like, you just witnessed a menopausal woman trying to do maths and failing! I laughed outloud and felt like cheering! Felt acknowledged and included!
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Thanks for the big hug CBA,
When I had the "melt down" it was after a really stressful 3 years at work, not given promised pay rise and overlooked for promotion, which they gave to a 24 year old. She walked in straight on same money as me and I've been there 5 years! so peeed off. These youngsters eh!! lol. Cant blame her, that's life. Dr signed me off for 2 weeks and hubby took me away for 4 days in Dublin. Dr put me back on Ad's and said we need to get your self confidence back. Bless her. I think Ill give this job until next May and see what is about then (debts cleared then).
I might even learn something new Lol.
My mum always says "count your blessings"
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Hi all
Much as I'd like to tell my students they are a mixed group and I think they would be uncomfortable and I also don't want my teaching to be about 'me'. Yes, lesson plans are much more vital now - and learning to structure things so that they have more group work opportunities- that gives me space to catch up in my head the next points needing to go over.
I read up on the exercise thread and then googled benefits of aerobic exercise. I used to do 'step' frequently but gave it up a while back due to aces and pains, tiredness and general can't be arsed feelings. I really did think it would make the muscle and joint pains worse.
But - the benefis of aerobics include improved cognitive functioning; memory and concentration as well as wellbeing and mood. And in the long run it should help with the pain as the muscles and ligaments get stronger.
So I went for it and did my step. I swore like a trooper through the beginning of it and then as soon as I properly warmed up all the pain went. It was lovely. Then I found a 15 minute beginners yoga thing on YouTube (with nice looking guy doing the session, not some tiny teenage bendy girl, which was an added bonus).
Next day - aches and pains still there but no worse than before and mood definitely better. Something about meeting this thing head on I guess. I will keep going with this (I will TRY and keep going!!) and report back if I feel less cognitively challenged!!
Good luck to all of us working women - and Jangadang I'm sorry about the promotion thing. A similar thing happened to me a few years back. I was devastated but hung on in there and got the position I wanted in the end.
Are the ADs helping? Can I ask what you've been prescribed? Have they helped with confidence? My GP suggested them but I was too cross when she took me off HRT to accept anything else...!
Jx
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Hello ladies, many of you are new and I haven't met you yet as I was off the forum for a while. :welcomemm:
Yes it does end, it does, but when I just can't say. I have bemoaned all the things that you have all written about here. I have slept 14 hours at night and woken worn out, I have had nights where I woke 4 or 5 times and only got about 3 hours sleep for weeks on end. I have stripped all my outer clothes off in a shop whilst waiting to be served and sat watching TV with my husband in my bra and PJ trousers with a can of Magicool on the table beside me :angryfire:. And in 2006 I had to let my job go because I had become a liability. I have used treatment for vaginal atrophy for 6 years now.
Nearly 2 years ago I had a panic attack when caught in a huge traffic jam and that was the catalyst to ask for help. I have never used systemic HRT, I just didn't want to and things were never so bad I couldn't function, but I did need some support and now take a low dose antidepressant that also addresses anxiety. I have also had psychotherapy this last year because my anxiety disorder has been with me all my life but the hormonal turmoil of meno caused it to erupt :hotflash: .
I am feeling better, not totally out of the woods but hot flushes have dwindled and become much milder. I still get a foggy head some days but I can think and function some of the time. I am also starting to feel emotions again, I had become so flat and unresponsive. I am approaching my 60s and I do believe that they will be better than my 50s, my 50s were horrible :bang: .
Yes it ends and there is help available to help you cope until it does. If you are not getting satisfactory help from your doctor then please, change your doctor as there are good ones out there who will help and be supportive. I have got one, in fact I have 2 at the same practice - a male and a female.
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Hi CBA,
Yes the AD's have helped. I am on Citalopram 20mg a day, so quite low really. The HRT I have tried early this year left me bleeding every 2 weeks, so after persevering as the Dr requested for 9 months I knocked that on the head. Back on Citalopram 20mg a day. I think some of it is "self talk" you know, lay in bed and mind thinking of negative thoughts, so if I snap myself out of that and actually get up and achieve some things then I keep going. I don't know if they've helped with my confidence, but have helped with my tolerance.
This forum has really helped and I have told lots of friends about it.
CKLD has suggested that possibly the AD's may not work the second time round, I feel she may be right, but I'm going to give it a big longer and see how I go.
Take Care.
Jan x
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Hi CBA - I agree with your gut feeling. I would not want to mention it at all to students. I also have to lead (adult) groups and would not dream of mentioning anything about menopause. I don't even say if I am feeling under the weather. The only time I said something was when I had spent the weekend in bed with flu so wasn't really recovered and had to sit down a few times during the morning. I only work (very) part-time though as most of the work preparation etc is done at home.
Great that you are doing all that exercise. I am a great believer in exercise walking and fresh air to help with mood. Teaching does become harder as the brain gets foggier though, and any form of thinking work! Good luck to all of you working through the menopause and beyond as I was/am. Keep it up - but if it doesn't work out then definitely time for a rethink - so always have some ideas in your head about what you could do especially re self-employment. HRT has enabled me to function normally (well sort of :) ) so do consider this if you haven't already, bedfore thinkoing abiut ADs and if you haven't suffered anxiety/depression at other stages of your life.
Hurdity x
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Hi, this is my first time on any site opening up to complete strangers!! So desperate am I to find women who will understand how I am feeling...even if I don't!!
There were some tough times personally, then the menopause hit. Initially I thought "hey, this isn't too bad", little did I know how the menopause would seemingly take over my life.
The posts I have read in this section echo everything I have been feeling. On the edge of tears, anxious, depressed, loss of confidence etc etc etc.
Knowing I am not alone is a comfort, but on a daily basis, having to deal with no longer feeling like the person I was, makes me want to crawl into bed and wake up when its all over.
I have learnt how to lean on my husband and allow myself to admit to feeling vulnerable and scared. I was a coper, manager and a "get up and get on with it" kinda girl. I now find getting out of bed a major challenge. He has been and continues to be fantastic in helping me to deal with stuff that I can't even put into words.
I struggle to be around my lovely Mum and kids. Work fills me with dread and is draining the life blood from me. I can hardly be bothered to go out anymore yet my friends don't give up on me...bless 'em for that. Lastly, I feel like a big old bloated has been.
Apart from the above, life's great and I'm having a ball....lol
Anyway, that's another day done in menopause hell!!
Thanks for the support. x
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Hi Trudy J and welcome to the forum. It's good to have you here :) :welcomemm:
Would you like to make a post in the New Members section and tell us a bit about yourself then more ladies will see your post and welcome you.
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Hi Hurdity
yes teaching along with menopuase brain is hard with all that fogginess. i have been taking AD but of no good at all. I want to try hrt. Any suggestions about it ? i am 45 and have regular periods at the moment.
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Trudy J - how are you periods?
Anti-depressant medication may well help along with an anti-anxity tablet. Keeping a mood/food/symptom diary can be useful. Gives an idea as to how we feel on an hourly basis as well as reassuring us that we do get through each day.
Maybe start your own thread so that you don't get 'lost'?
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Also, we are the largest ever population of working women at this age - its never happened before so no wonder there are no support groups or anything involving HR. (I say this but I saw a programme about how a police force in the midlands have now created one). It will happen in the future I hope.
I tend to fluctuate - my hrt is constant but when I have felt pretty much ok for a while I try and reduce the AD's - and thats when it tends to collapse. So I go back on them and it takes months to get back up to "normal" again - i guess the moral is that I don't decrease them for the foreseeable future.
xx
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Hi, this is my first time on any site opening up to complete strangers!! So desperate am I to find women who will understand how I am feeling...even if I don't!!
There were some tough times personally, then the menopause hit. Initially I thought "hey, this isn't too bad", little did I know how the menopause would seemingly take over my life.
The posts I have read in this section echo everything I have been feeling. On the edge of tears, anxious, depressed, loss of confidence etc etc etc.
Knowing I am not alone is a comfort, but on a daily basis, having to deal with no longer feeling like the person I was, makes me want to crawl into bed and wake up when its all over.
I have learnt how to lean on my husband and allow myself to admit to feeling vulnerable and scared. I was a coper, manager and a "get up and get on with it" kinda girl. I now find getting out of bed a major challenge. He has been and continues to be fantastic in helping me to deal with stuff that I can't even put into words.
I struggle to be around my lovely Mum and kids. Work fills me with dread and is draining the life blood from me. I can hardly be bothered to go out anymore yet my friends don't give up on me...bless 'em for that. Lastly, I feel like a big old bloated has been.
Apart from the above, life's great and I'm having a ball....lol
Anyway, that's another day done in menopause hell!!
Thanks for the support. x
Hi Trudy
I was reading through posts on this forum and when I read yours, it sounded as though I had written it; every little bit. I just wondered how you are coping and if you have found any answers.
I hope you don't mind me asking but I am so tired and need some hope.