Menopause Matters Forum
General Discussion => This 'n' That => Topic started by: ellie on October 23, 2016, 04:23:18 PM
-
CHAPTER 1
' The Village Square '
Flushing village seemed a peaceful place to live. Set around the village green were a handful of shops, and Monday was their market day.
George Hog ;) and his petite wife Minnie ;) owned the bakers, they lived above the shop with their
two sons CL and KD...............
-
Dr Rush was the village GP, abandoned years ago when his wife complained he didn't understand 'the new her' .............
-
:-\ - I started the story on the other thread ……… to save space and keep continuity.
-
Miss Interpretation was the DRs receptionist. She liked to decide what was wrong with the patients before allowing them an appointment. She was very protective of DR Rush - and didn't understand his wife either :o
-
Mr cool owned the ice cream parlour, he had recently noticed he had a lot of ladies of a certain age as his clientele
-
Miss Stitch the seamstress lived along the row, business was booming as she was inundated with middle aged women coming to see her often to expand their waistbands,
-
Miss Stitch decided to make an appointment to see Dr Rush, maybe there was another reason for her expanding waistline! She was sure she hadn't eaten too many of Mr Hogs delicious pork pies :-\....
Just then an awful thought came into her head...... 'NO surely not' she thought.......she hadn't been so stupid.....or had she!!!
-
And suddenly miss stitch realised why she was craving mr cools ice cream !
-
Mr scoop gleefully rubbed his hands as he added his secret ingredient to his ice cream,he was on a secret mission to help the ladies !
-
It was an early Autumn morning and still dark.Mr Hog was busy in his bakery. He was worried about his eldest son KD, he had been very quiet lately.....He knew KD had a new girlfriend, but didn't know who she was.
He heard a door close, and as he looked out of the window, it was KD going across the village green.
In the half light he saw what looked like a young woman , "could that be Miss Stitch standing under the oak tree? he thought " What were they up to so early ! Mr Hog was worried...............
-
But it wasn't only Mr Hog who was watching .......
-
...Mrs Slack, two doors down and behind the privet hedge [new windows fitted last year to stop the draught, money wasted according to Mr Slack, as Mrs Slack insists on opening the windows all the time, whatever the weather] was twitching the curtains. She had just googled 'weird pain under left breast' and was cross referencing the results with her earlier search of 'sharp pain when breathing in' and 'raised, dry patch on left nipple' when she heard a noise from the village green.
'Well I never', she thought, 'Miss Stitch and that boy from the bakery. She's not going to get much joy from his currant buns, too doughy with a soggy centre'. She'd mentioned it to Mr Hog several times and told him she much preferred a cream horn, particularly in the morning. Mr Hog wouldn't stock them though, on account of them getting under Mrs Hog's mother's plate.
'What are you doing', came the cry from downstairs. Mrs Slack, not wanting Mr Slack to see her taking her only 10 minute break in the day, turned quickly away from the window and bent towards the bed, intent upon finishing her hospital corner. A sudden sharp pain shot across her chest and down her left arm, leaving her breathless and shaking.
She fainted clean away, ripping the sheets from the bed as she fell. Mr Slack rushed towards her, caught his foot on the sheets and knocked himself out on the headboard. The dog, rushing upstairs to join in the game, narrowly missed taking his eye out on the length of metal sticking out of Mrs Slack's flowered pinny. 'Silly cow', thought Fido, 'even I could see that push-up, padded bra was way too small for her. When will she start accepting she's now a woman 'of a certain age?'
Meanwhile, on the village green, ...
-
:rofl:
-
Mr cool shuddered at the thought that miss slack was encouraging Mr hog to make cream horns ! What was wrong with a,real ice cream !? Something must be done he thought to himself and soon
-
Chapter 2
As she watched the sun slowly setting Scarlett gazed at the Spanish coastline, she dangled her bronzed legs in the crystal clear water and sipped her prosecco. How her life had changed, luck had been with her on the day she bought that euro millions lucky dip, it had given her the opportunity to leave her demanding husband Wally, he had once been George Clooneys double, but the years had not been kind to him.
Mrs Rush, Mrs Rush, the captain of her yacht called, it's time we sailed, the journey to Ibiza will take six hours and you have a meeting at 11.00 am. As she climbed back onto the deck she has a smile playing on her lips, yes she thought a meeting to discuss my return to Flushing Village, how I'm going to ruffle a few feathers, Miss Interpretation, you had better watch the shadows, she even looked forward to reacquainting with that flea bag mutt Fido, you have cocked your leg against my prize azelea for the last time ha ha ha she laughed as the sound of the yachts engine disturbed the calm, the calm before the storm ...........
-
But what was that awful noise? Thinking that she must speak to the Captain about it at dinner [because it must be her turn, surely that awful woman with the tight fitting polyester frock and the sweaty top lip -which, incidentally, could use a gentle waxing, couldn't possibly be at his table again] It was no good, though, the noise was too loud and too intrusive. It put even the dreamy hunk Captain Bulge out of her mind.
Shoving Wally hard in the side and pushing him onto his back, she came to. Instead of the dreamy Captain Bulge she was lying next to the snoring Wally Rush. Sighing, she got up for the first of many visits to the loo...
Tomorrow, she thought, is another day. And it will be THE DAY. Not for the first time, she pondered on exactly what she had ever found attractive about Wally. She should have listened to her mother - she kept saying you couldn't expect hearts and flowers from a man called Wally. But it could have been worse, he was christened Willy but got so sick of the comments about length and girth...
-
It was an early Monday morning, a beautiful crisp November day. Flushing Green was bustling with
people setting up their market stalls.
George Hog the baker had been up since 2am, preparing his goods for their stall.
Minnie his wife was now arranging the still warm pies on the stall. She was humming quietly to
herself......she was feeling so excited .....Minnie's twin sister was coming home from Australia, they
hadn't seen each other for ten long years. ....
Miss Stitch had the stall next to the Hogs, but this was one morning when she would have
rather stayed in bed.....She still wasn't feeling well, but now she knew why!!!
-
When mr hog was busy selling his wares mrs hog took the opportunity to sly away to the ice cream parlour, 'please ' she begged me cool 'i must have some of your magic cooling (get it magicool) ice cream but mr hog must never know ' mr cool rubbing his hands in glee silently thought 'i will get one over on mr hog now '
-
Mr Cools magic recipe had been handed down through the generations, but he had taken it upon
himself to add a secret ingredient ;). Not only did it help the ladies of a certain age to feel younger
and fitter, it also made them think he was irresistible .
" There you are Mrs Hog, your secret is safe with me" he said as he handed her the much longed for
ice cream......"take a seat behind my stall and enjoy it" he winked......
A while later Mrs Hog returned to the bakery stall.... " My goodness you have lovely rosy cheeks"
said Mr Hog, "The walk round the market has done you good"........
-
Mrs cool was rapidly loosing her cool! That mrs hog better leave my Mr cool alone ' she said to herself , 'im convinced she's after his mr whippy recipe and his coconut wafers' mrs cool hadn't put up with 25 years of marriage and mr cools cold hands to let mrs hog snatch it all away from her
-
Meanwhile back at the Dr surgery Dr rush wondered why he hadn't had so many patients recently, he had heard a,rumour that miss interpretation was refusing to give people appointments, surely it wasn't true !?
-
Miss Interpretation was indeed turning some of Dr Rushes patients away.
Although Dr Rush was a middle aged man and his hair was becoming speckled with silver, he was still
a very handsome man..She was sure some of the village hormonal ladies, were paying far too much
attention to him........"Hot Flushes" indeed she muttered......" My husband doesn't understand me"
she mimicked.......who do these women think they are kidding.
Just they she saw Miss Stitch coming down the path.........."Not that woman again" she thought.
Last time Miss Stitch had tried to make an appointment, she had kept saying something about
' being late!.......Stupid woman thought Miss Interpretation, , and had told her to come back when
she has stopped crying..........
-
Over at the church mrs hymn the vicars wife was wondering whether she should pay Dr rush a visit. She had strange cravings to visit Mr cool and mr hog and miss stitch had let out her waislines more than once. She knew her husband the vicar was getting on in years but could it really be true ? At their age ? Well she thought as she bit into another pickled gherkin , they do Say God works in mysterious ways