Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => Other Health Discussion => Topic started by: Justjules on October 21, 2016, 07:54:17 AM
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Sorry, dramatic I know but I really can't. Got to go and have my bloods taken today to go with the swab I had taken of my throat and now days of waiting for results. I feel no better. My neck still aches. Now I fear lymphoma as apparently it comes on quick and I just can't cope with the fear and worry. If it wasn't for my family, I'd just end it. If it's not cancer this time, then there'll be something coming up again shortly. It's all doom and gloom. Every time I turn on the tv, every time I speak to my mum someone has just died....I realised after feeling unwell that I just am illness phobic and can't cope with feeling the remotest bit ill. Anything apart from the common cold is always terminal and no amount of therapy or changing my thought pattern can helps so where do you go from here? I can't live in fear every day of my life. The NHS is in a mess so you don't get the right treatment or care half the time. I'm so sorry to those on here who are actually in the process of coping with cancer, this makes me feel like the most selfish and stupid individual and I am truly sorry. I just know I would never cope with it. I truly admire those who do. What's it all about.
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Hello Justjules.
I am so sorry to read that you are suffering in this way.
I know what you mean about bad news everywhere. I gave up reading newspapers ages go but flicked through one yesterday and wished I hadn't as it's all so depressing, TV news is even worse. I understand your health worries too and many ladies here will sympathise with your health anxiety. When my Mum was in her fifties she would worry constantly and we would tease her by saying 'oh no, disaster strikes again!' Needless to say I don't find the whole anxiety thing quite so amusing now.
I wish I had the solution for you, for all of us in fact and I'm sure some of our knowledgeable ladies will be along soon to help you. In the meantime I just wanted you to know you are not alone in what you are going through and wish you well.
Take care and sending hugs.
K.
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I feel just like you Justjules :hug:
I had tonsilitis back in May and my throat hasn't been the same since. It's only on my right side and is not sore but it feels like when I swallow something is pulling inside. I've been back and fore the flipping doctors since and they say it's all caused from stress. You really do have my sympathies. It's getting to the point where I dread opening my eyes in the morning.
Keep posting, it does help xxxx
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When I was really anxious I used to get the most strange pains. It was literally new day, new pain. It is only now that my anxiety is under control, that these pains have gone and any new pain is just a niggle and not a catastrophe.. may be time to have a chat with your doc.
Bramble
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:hug: :hug: :hug:
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I know how you feel with such worries Justjules and also Claireylou. I had much the same problems with my throat some 14 years ago. I initially needed a course of antibiotics (though no Dr would give me any for months) But it turned out to be acid reflux. It took two years for docs to find this out and I had many visits to see them.
They gave me Omezperole to help the acid. It worked well to start with but I have to be careful with what foods and drink I take as it can cause it to flare. You may not have this but it sounds very similar. Good luck :)
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Just want to send some love, Justjules. I've been in states before where I was sure something was terribly wrong and even seeking medical help that they wouldn't figure out the problem until they perform an autopsy. It's exhausting and depressing when you just don't feel well. I suppose I reached my limit and something snapped in my mind because one day I just quit worrying about it. I used to be overly cautious, afraid of everything really, heights, motorcycles, terrorists, etc, everything was unsafe. Thank you, modern society with death and destruction everywhere. When my own body started acting up, I realized this slow dying is miserable and I may as well have some fun. I can't tell you how I got to the state of mind to relax about it. It helps to look at other people who have survived cancer, loss of limbs, strokes, etc and see them still being active and enjoying life. Often times they're living more fully than I am in my generally good health. I figure they must have gone through a spell when they didn't believe they'd make it either and probably wondered what's the point, but they survived and moved past it! Personally, I let my physical ailments get in the way too much. I thought I could only do things if I was feeling better. Then I thought "F**k it! If I'm going to feel awful anyway I may as well not let it stop me from living". So basically, ignoring the illnesses and aches and carrying on. I've rambled here and I'm sure it reads like I'm crazy, but I think I can relate. Big hugs to you!
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Lymphoma certainly doesn't come on suddenly, at least when my dog was diagnosed she had been suffering for over 6-7 months :'(
If your symptoms were anything serious they would have become a lot worse by now. I had cancer - still here. I think when people have a possibly terminal disease diagnosed they don't have time to worry …….. my Life was controlled by phobia - 24/7 for years ………. I even had nightmares about it.
What did you learn from CBT? Maybe start the homework you had at that time, also maybe go to Yoga classes to learn how to relax. Could you volunteer at a Hospice?
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Great post Lizab
JustJules - I have also been a hypochondriac and feared the worst when experiencing symptoms and especially all the time my children were growing up - and that was a long time - but I generally kept it to myself. I used to fight with myself to keep it at bay - and of course I am still here to tell the tale! It's like (how I feel about) flying - I did fly last weekend and it terrifies me - had an awful sense of foreboding - but just told myself how ridiculous it was to be like that - how many thousands of flights there are each day all over the world. I think as Lizab says you would feel so much better if you could try to start living as she says and does otherwise your life will be a misery!
Take care and :bighug:
Hurdity x
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I love what Lizab has said. It's not easy to do but it's true. I just wish I could get my mind set in that manner and keep it there. One of my aunts was like that and I always admired how she coped. We are all different though so I suppose we can only do our best.
Ever since I can remember from being a young child my mum was thinking she was going to die, bless her, and she suffered like this all through her life, yet she lived to be 84 and her heart was as strong as an ox. She used to suffer terrible panic attacks and I would say to her, 'Mum you have thought you was dying all your life and lost out on so much enjoyment and look, you're still here in your 8os.' That made her sad of all the worrying she had done. I try to remember that and not be the same but it's difficult as I am so like her. Chin up everyone :hug:
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It's awful, isn't it Sparkle - I keep asking myself, 'Is the worrying going change anything or help me feel any better?' Of course the answer is no, but it is difficult to hold onto that train of thought. I still keep telling myself though. I do the Mindfulness Tapping too. It does help sometimes to take the edge off. Oh to be carefree and not worried. I think there is only one situation which will bring that about with me ::) ;D
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Is the worry in your head or does it manifest itself physically? For me panic attacks are straight to the gut ……… not in my head!!
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Sorry you're feeling so bad. It does sound like your anxiety levels are constantly up as that them makes us worry to the extreme about everything and anything as you say.
Whether we suffer from psychological anxiety or just the high adrenal hormonal type, I'm sure we all recognise this constant unsettling feeling.
Let us know what meds and HRT you're on in case any of it is making you feel worse.
Throat swelling is also very common with anxiety and you can get quite enlarged glands from it and thrush could also be the cause.
As bad as the NHS is (and I've been messed about so much with them) they do appear to be good when you do have something serious, and if your condition has the slightest risk of this they will fast track you for all the tests to rule it out.
Let us know how you're doing so we can try to be there for you. x
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I'm so sorry to hear that you are feeling so awful - I know how hideous the anxiety is - my husband has said to me so many times 'You always have to find something to worry about'. Anxiety has also caused that tight feeling in my throat before now. Sending :hug: xxx
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I can totally emphathise - after two weeks of anxiety free life [bliss!], I have got strange feeling under left rib. I tell myself it is trapped wind - and am definitely not googling as that way madness lies - but still I worry. I also had it over a year ago for about a week and it went, so it probably isn't terminal. Anybody else had this? If so, any remedies? It feels like a tickling sensation under my bottom rib, rather than a pain.
I had over a year of total hypochondria [because that is what health anxiety is, ultimately] and wasted so much time worrying. My OH doesn't worry about anything and always says 'well, you didn't die from the last thing!'. What has helped is running - I started the couch to 5K and now run 5k three times a week [having never done ANY exercise in my life]. I also find distraction helps - being busy with something or someone. But that is no help when you're in the middle of a full blown HA attack over a worrying symptom.
Try to remember that nothing so far has been terminal. They don't call the menopause 'the change' for nothing. I figure my whole body is in a state of constant adjustment - this current symptom is just another part of my body adjusting to less oestrogen and it will therefore get used to it, and settle down. I used to smoke and couldn't get through stress without a fag, but now my body has found other ways to cope - I think that's what happens to your body during this period. It finds other ways/routes to manage with less hormones.
Good luck, and try to stop and rationalise, rather than panicking.
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May I jump up and down :bounce: : because since a child I've had that sensation under my rib cage. When I have a cold. Or cough. Told as a child that it's imagination >:(. I even try to get rid of the itch …….. but it goes once the Germ does.
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Did you get the results of your blood tests yet JustJules?
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You will cope Justjules. The first thing I said when they found a malignant tumour in my appendix was 'I'd rather die than have chemotherapy'. However, I ve come through a 7 hour operation and start chemo in around a week's time. Somehow, you do get the strength to get through whatever life throws at you. Stay determined. Xx
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Sorry to piggyback on this post but very best of luck Teresa on Wednesday. Will be thinking of you.xx
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Hi JJ just caught up on this thread. Have you had your blood and swab results back yet? How are you feeling?
Reading this thread just reinforces my belief that we have such a wonderful collection of caring, understanding, sensitive women here on this site. We should be proud of each other :ola:
Teresa and marras I continue to think about you both and send you my love and my very best wishes. Teresa you are a wise woman, we do have the strength to manage whatever is thrown at us, we find the strength to get through. Little steps, deal with what's happening today, don't worry about tomorrow. xx
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Sending good thoughts and healing wishes your way Teresa and Marras xxx
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Hi - sorry not updated but have bobbed in and out but didn't feel up to posting.
Haven't heard anything re bloods so hoping that is a good sign. Surgery normally text to say either get in touch or all okay and I haven't had anything, neither has my son, who had some bloods done at the same time as me so I will ring.
Basically, sore throat gone but still got 'sensation' of burning type ache down one side of throat and my neck is still very achey - I can't even describe it, and I can't help but concentrate on it. I don't know whether I am getting myself in such a state of anxiety I'm making it worse but I feel really off, especially around 5am to 6am and then during the day, it wears off and then comes back so I don't know what it is. I am just hoping that if it was anything sinister my bloods would have been bad. Had loads of stressful events during the last month which haven't helped. Can never tell whether it's bloomin anxiety and panic but when I feel ill with anxiety, it feels different each time.
Thank you for you kind thoughts. x
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I have a cough: still ::). But it hasn't got worse, doesn't keep me awake in the night any longer nor is it continuous. Annoying though >:( :D.
Are you sleeping with your mouth open?
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Don't think so at the moment CKLD.
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Op day tomorrow!! Blood pressure will no doubt be high as a kite like it was for pre assessment..that's hospitals for you ::)x
Good luck Teresa - will be thinking about you. Hope all goes well and you can regain your strength quickly to carry on with your recovery and treatment. Sending you big hugs. x
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Good luck with the op, Teresa xx
JJ, if you see your doctor again ask if it could be acid reflux. I had the same symptoms and it took two years for docs to find out it was that. All they did was put me of Omeprazole which is an acid suppressant. My blood tests were clear too.
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Thanks AL. I already take Omeprazole but it could be still affecting my throat but can't understand why my neck would be sore/achey.
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Good luck Teresa, will be thinking of you
xx
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JustJules - tension.
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Yes, JJ, it makes my neck area and often my ear, like Sparkle.
I find I have to eat differently too to help these symptoms. Sugars make it worse, as does acidic foods. Tea coffee and chocolate I have to be careful with. It is boring but when there are flare ups I have to cut these out for some time to feel better.
It may not be what you have but it is something to consider. Good luck x
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Thanks ladies. Trying not to concentrate so much on it for now and will pluck up courage and make a Dr's app for next week if it doesn't go. x
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Take half a day at a time. That's my Mantra and it really helps.
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That's a good one CKLD but when I don't feel so good I can't do it. I'm back to the waking up out of a really vivid dream around 5am and then feeling awful and needing the loo and lying there till I have to get up and get out of the door for work. Feel slightly more normal by lunch time but keep thinking the worst because I'm feeling rough.
Got to tell my Mum about my son and his new fiancé splitting up this weekend and that isn't helping as she's going to be very upset and can't seem to cope with a lot of bad news lately and she's had a lot! x
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Firstly - why do you have to tell your Mum? She may take the news better from your son!!!!
Also - why can't you do it? My worst time has always been mornings and for years I sort of coped by not planning as far as the afternoon which was difficult when my job was from noon until 5.00 p.m. ::). When we book holidays I make a list and put to one side so that I can put planning away until necessary! I still wake with the awful surges though :-\
Why go back to bed? If you wake suddenly etc. then going back to bed allows the brain to whizz round. Get up, get dressed, make a cuppa ……. jot down anything that is bothering you at that un-Earthly hour! It's about finding tricks that work to ease how you feel.
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He did offer to tell her himself but I thought she would take it better from me.
I don't know why I can't do it - I just get too locked into the negative thoughts. Also, by going back to bed with my cuppa, it gives me chance to sit up and chill for a bit whereas if I get up I'll just sit and fret downstairs and because I feel rough in a morning, it makes me feel 'safer' to be in bed till I feel a bit more human f that makes sense??! DH literally gets out of bed, throws his clothes on and takes the dog for a walk (actually son's dog, but we have her most of the time!) and then comes back and gets ready for work - that would finish me off!
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It makes total sense! I would wake up in deep fear and have to get out of bed, get dressed and go downstairs. Seemed to dissipate the anxiety.
:bighug:
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Hi Jules you sound just like me too.
Just had 48 hour ecg and tread mill test to check out the bad palpitations. I do wonder if it is just an anxiety/meno thing.Hormones do have a lot to answer for.
Hugs
Nigela x