Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => All things menopause => Topic started by: Justjules on August 24, 2016, 08:21:19 AM
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Not sure where to post this but was a bit dismayed this morning to see that Lynda57 has left us. She was reprimanded for posting a link last night and it's obviously upset her as I noted her response was very short so now she's felt 'got at' when she might not have realised it wasn't allowed. I didn't know either so I've learnt something. All I want to say is, a lot of us on here are already in a heightened emotional state and can take things a bit too literally sometimes but bearing that in mind, some of the more 'knowledgeable' ladies who perhaps aren't suffering 'mentally' with this meno lark as much as some may need to be a bit more sensitive when 'ticking' someone off. I've seen it on another thread today as well. Not helpful and not nice. Sorry, but it's just upset me this morning.
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I agree with you Justjules, I haven't read the posts you were talking about but I have read some very patronising and quite frankly rude posts on this forum. Unfortunately emails can be written in haste and sent before proper consideration of how they may affect others. Given that a great many women on this site are struggling, sensitivity should be paramount.
Equally I have been exceptionally moved by how kind, caring and supportive the vast majority of members are to each other. This site can be a blessing.
There are a number of experienced, knowledgeable women here ready to offer valuable advice. Occasionally however, advice is offered in a bullish insensitive fashion.
Perhaps we should all reread our posts a couple of times before we press the post button. The written word can so easily be misinterpreted and of course it's set in stone.
Well done Justjules for being brave enough to post about this.
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I think that sometimes we have to post in a hurry due to other commitments and don't always manage to get our points across in a sensitive way. It's been mentioned before that the written word is often hard to interpret without the accompanying facial expressions, hand gestures etc. Hopefully Linda57 will return.
Taz x
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Well my intention is not to cause any bickering but I am merely upset to think that someone who obviously was coming on here for comfort and advice maybe feels she has nowhere to get this from now and it made me sad. I was going to pm her last night but didn't get chance and now wished I had.
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:'(
I don't post as much these days, but have not had any such problems personally, but have read a few posts over the years which could have been taken the wrong way.
Most of us are experiencing some, if not a lot of symptoms, which can change our moods at the touch of a switch. Heck I know I am, my hubby has had his ear chewed on several occasions. Fortunately he has learned to accept it as the way things are.
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Yes I saw the post I think Linda57 was referring to & I probably too would have been a bit peeved if I'm honest - but then I'm sensitive to being told off :-X but I tend to "come back" at people if that happens. Not too often thank goodness.
It's a difficult situation as I understand the need to reply asap if you are on your way out somewhere, but is it that necessary? must it be answered straight away? could someone else who isn't in a rush help till you come back? or maybe it would just be better to wait until you have more time to think about it.
I value every single members opinion/support/advice on here. I may not agree with all of it, & I certainly do not claim to understand most of the medical terminology, & I may not want to read all the links to various papers etc but I can scan over those parts & read the bits that I can relate to, or help if possible - but the forum is what it is now & it has got bigger & bigger over the years.
Cazikins x
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Well, another member has just stropped off on another thread now.....must be one of those days :-\
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Oh dear, I haven't seen that latest post, Justjules - I am quite sensitive and peri has made me worse! I always worry that I might say the wrong thing on here - sometimes I can think of something to say quite quickly but other times I don't answer straight away because my 'foggy' head can't think of the right words. Many times I have read threads on here but have been hesitant about joining in so have kept quiet - it doesn't mean I don't care though. I hope Linda decides to come back at some point. X
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Thank you Justjules. I rcently posted this on another thread but I think I will put it here too
Considering we are all at some point or other in menopause I am surprised there are not more spats and disagreements. On the whole I think the whole forum conducts itself well and has a nice balance to it. The occasional over reaction is inevitable given our hormonal situations and frustrations.
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I know we all read things differently but I honestly don't see what was said as a reprimand. The exact wording was "Hi Linda57 - you probably don't know but we're not really supposed to link to stuff like this because he is a US based private practitioner trying to sell stuff - books, cream, his (company's) services etc! Probably best you remove the actual link at the bottom of your post?" When I read it, I thought it was very well written as it pointed out that the link should not be there but in a very friendly way & then went on to ask what the MM members could do to help the OP with her menopause journey. I know we are all likely to be extra-sensitive at this stage of life, but realistically, I think if the OP was unable to cope with posts like that, then she would not have lasted long on the forum anyway.
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I do hope linda57 comes back. When you are low it is so easy to misinterpret and read things into things that were never intended. We've all been there I'm sure. Often you are reacting to pain and experience in the past rather than to what you appear to be reacting to, which can be confusing to others. But on the whole we are an understanding, supportive lot. So I send linda a virtual hug, just in case she dips in.
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Oooh, yes! At my most paranoid, it is probably impossible to say anything to me that won't be misinterpreted - and not saying anything will have the same effect!
Came across a quote recently that sums it up so well: "Sometimes, I have mood swings. Other times, I have the whole mood playground!" ;D
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It is in the Terms and Conditions - not to post links that are selling anything.
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:thankyou: CLKD
Hurdity x
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I know we all read things differently but I honestly don't see what was said as a reprimand. The exact wording was "Hi Linda57 - you probably don't know but we're not really supposed to link to stuff like this because he is a US based private practitioner trying to sell stuff - books, cream, his (company's) services etc! Probably best you remove the actual link at the bottom of your post?" When I read it, I thought it was very well written as it pointed out that the link should not be there but in a very friendly way & then went on to ask what the MM members could do to help the OP with her menopause journey. I know we are all likely to be extra-sensitive at this stage of life, but realistically, I think if the OP was unable to cope with posts like that, then she would not have lasted long on the forum anyway.
Thank-you Dorothy.
Justjules considering the title of your thread is to do with being a bit more sensitive – perhaps you could also consider the effect of your words? I am extremely offended by your thread and your post - using the words “reprimand†and “ticking off†which were the last things in my mind. It is precisely because linda57 may not have known the forum rules that I framed the posts in the – I thought – friendly way that I did - I try very hard to say things in a way that does not offend. Not once in your post(s)/thread have you (or anybody) referred to me by name - and yet my post is quoted. I review and if necessary, revise every single post before posting.
As you are criticising me it would have been better to take issue with my post directly with me on the relevant thread instead of starting another one aimed at but not mentioning me – talking about what I've said as if I wasn't there - and implying other things which may be aimed at other unnamed members - who knows?? Mine was the last in a series of generally negative posts towards the author and his theories.
By using emotive language in saying that another member “stropped off†as you said, you have also trivialised her reason for leaving – and if I were reading that comment, I would be upset.
I've also no idea who or what you meant by saying you've seen it on another thread today “not helpful and not niceâ€.
Most of us are sensitive, including old post-menopausal women in their 60's....!
Hurdity :(
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Hurdity your knowledge and help are greatly appreciated. :thankyou:
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Hurdity,
Please accept my sincere apologies and any other ladies I may have offended. It's not my usual nature to be confrontational but for some reason took umbridge at you telling a member to remove something which she had posted a link to and being the written word, took it the wrong way, which in hindsight and reading it back, I realise it was wrong of me. The other member had left because she said she was sick and tired of people mentioning Professor Studd and then didn't like being told not to read the posts so that didn't seem right either. All in all, no excuses, but a bad day and I'm really sorry. I hope you will forgive me?
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Justjules, you raised a very valid point yesterday so don't feel badly today. I have seen a number of very sarcastic, patronising comments on this site. Some people ride roughshod over others beliefs and can do so in a bullying, domineering manner. We all of us have to make difficult choices about how to manage our health at this stage in our lives, some of the decisions are taken out of our hands.
Whether we take the HRT, other medicinal or indeed also 'natural' routes, is a right of the individual and they shouldn't be mocked or pilloried for doing so. Indeed, when discussions of a political nature have arisen on this site; patronising, sarcastic, bullying remarks can also abound.
I do understand, that in any collective situation, there will always be some who will take it upon themselves to manage everyone, to unofficially police what others say and do. However, this is a wonderful site enabling a very wide range of women to help, encourage and support each other and also to offer advice according to their own experiences. Of course we need to avoid unscrupulous advertising taking place which doesn't benefit any of us and can be detrimental.
There has also been criticism on another thread about some women seemingly advertising Professor Studd. Subsequently, it would seem some members have been advised by Emma to stop discussing Professor Studd and his recommended treatment methods, this is following complaints being made directly to her by some members. Might I suggest, that these women aren't advertising but just rejoicing in finding a solution to their extreme health conditions. It is very easy to become evangelical about something that has revolutionised our lives, we can easily become over enthusiastic. The other thing to consider here too, is that by those fortunate enough to be able to access private health care, sharing the detail of treatment plans, the information is then open to everyone. Especially, as so many have discovered, GPs can be uninformed about treatment possibilities. I do agree however, that private health care shouldn't be necessary but it's a cold fact of life that it sometimes is and I can speak from experience here. However, none of us should be insisting others have to see an expensive London based specialist otherwise no help is available to them. That is quite simply wrong.
The rather longwinded point I'm trying to make here, is that this site is an excellent vehicle for women to gain support and advice, enabling us to better our experiences at this very very difficult stage of our lives. Can we not offer this support in a kindly supportive manner?
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I think we all need one of these :bighug:
Taz x
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Totally agree and put far better than me , Elizabeth Rose.
It's a great shame we can't mention the private sector lot , wether London or not as the one I will be seeing not Studd , has a research team working with him and I could have passed on what suggested for me when I see him in November.
This is great site with such knowledgeable ladies , and the whole idea of a problem is to " share" information, regardless of where we got the info from surely ?
It's like any group of women , wether real life or virtual there is always a chance of a " ruck".
My hubby had to live with three teenage girls and me 😳😳
....and as meno is us going in reverse , perhaps we are going through the teenage stage 🤔
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I think the link to sales sites issue is the most important point, not because we aren't allowed to mention practitioners, products and books, but to stop people joining purely to market their business.
Maybe we could have a separate Reviews forum area for our experience of anything that's paid for, so private doctors, books, supportive products etc. (still without links). Then on the main forums we can advise those, for example, having NHS GP/referral issues, simply to look into private doctors and they can then explore this themselves via the Reviews section, where we can go to town about our positive or negative experiences.
Also stops the need for having to keep repeating indepth information to new people who come along, which can then appear as biased because some people just post more than others, which we certainly don't want to discourage!
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Seems like food for thought Dangermouse, you make some valuable points.
If Emma is being forced to gag women with valuable private health information, then it would make sense that this info can still be tapped into. I have been lucky as I have a number of medic pals who have pointed me in the right direction over the years, not everyone is so fortunate. Obviously there is the specialist link at the top of the page but that doesn't necessarily provide us with the detail we need. Nick Panay for example is listed as having his practice in Harley Street but doesn't link to the fact that he is also available on the NHS at London Hospitals. Some women would then immediately rule him out as being inaccessible to them and of course he still could be to women living too far outside the London area.
It would be a tragedy if we lost access to treatment strategies that could benefit us all. Of course as we know, one size doesn't fit all with HRT, but the more knowledge the better.
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I've been reading this thread with interest. How do we know that Emma is "being forced to gag women" on the subject of private health information? We have always been allowed to post in the past as long as we were respectful to other members but the guidelines of the forum are that we can't post a direct link to a site which has a "buy now" or price list facility. I just wondered when it changed and how we know it has?
Taz x :-\
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Freckles posted this comment on a post last night Taz;
That's great news Blue Kingfisher! Hope you continue to feel better!
I've been officially "advised" by MM NOT to mention my experience of Studd's clinic or his treatment regime in my posts as it apparently constitutes "advertising" and some members of MM have apparently been so distressed by this, they have complained.
So, of course, I won't in future, as I don't want to offend anyone.
As always, other treatment options, other a private consultation are always available
But I am genuinely pleased you had a positive outcome from your consultation.
Hopefully things will continue improve for you.
Enjoy your holiday- Skiathos is lovely!
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Elizabethrose, I think that is a very fair assessment. People should be able to speak freely about their experiences and I can't see anything wrong with sharing a life changing experience, which is precisely what I had. A more positive way forward would be for more practitioners to follow Professor Studd's successful regime. The reason people bang on about him is because his regime works extremely well (for most but admittedly not all) and changes their lives, small matter of.
You have to be realistic, people are always going to have disagreements on forums, it goes with the territory and we are not necessarily going to be singing from the same hymn sheet. That is life.
As for forum conduct, in my other life, I am a football fan and nearly always the only woman on the forum slogging it out with a crowd of blokes and the culture is completely different. The language is pretty fruity, there is plenty of verbal and believe me, this is unbelievably civilised in comparison!
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wuzn't me missus, honest..!
Just to be clear, it wasn't a reprimand from a forum admin.
Emma
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Hahaha!
Well if that's the case I'm pleased that the forum can still be used as a vehicle to exchange valuable information. As I've mentioned before, let's try to do it in a kindly sensitive way!
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So am I, pleased. :)
I find the info on here - from everyone - a lifeline (at times) in a sea of turmoil! :D
I may not always agree with someone's outlook or regime or whatever but I acknowledge their right to discuss it and if it's not for me, I just disregard! :)
As for ladies being offended or being uneasy to post about going private, there will always be someone - and I quote 1980s Harry Enfield's (Birmingham accent) character "considerably richer than YAW"
There will always be those that have and those that have not, unfortunately.
I was able to use info from on here to approach my GP ask for a referral to a NHS Menopause clinic and again there, I went on to suggest my own regime. Happily it was agreed and I gained great quality of life!
Thankyou Menopause Matters - and ALL members for your valuable collective input! :peace:
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:great:
I too am grateful for the support I have received here which has helped me seek and gain a better quality of life.
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I happen to find reading other women's experiences really interesting, even if they do not apply to me.
The information I have found on this forum has enabled me to feel more confident about asking the medical profession for what I would like and some items such as Oestrogel I had never heard of before. Ok, my doc wouldn't listen to my suggestions , but that's hopefully going to be sorted soon.....
Without hearing of others trial and error I wouldn't have known where to start. Thank you all😃
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So Emma - why would a Member believe that they had been 'advised' not to mention specifics?
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Maybe another forum member took it upon themselves to 'advise' Freckles to be more reticent with what she posts.
Unless a communication is endorsed by Emma I don't think it needs to be taken as gospel.
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Hi All
Just to clarify I DID receive a PM from Emma advising me of the number of posts I had made, how often I had mentioned Studd, and I was informed that "This constitutes a whole lot of advertising for a commercial interest. Advertising is against the forum rules. As you will have seen, some members are becoming rather tired of your enthusiasm and I have received some complaints. I would ask you to consider the content of your further posts". Seemed clear to me I was being asked not to mention him again.
I thought I was sharing my experiences which some others may (or may not) find helpful and I had no intention of advertising Studd- just praising his treatment regime, which works well for me.
Obviously I wouldn't want to distress or tire any further the members who complained by mentioning him again, so I won't (other than above!).
I consider myself duly reprimanded. :)
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Hi Freckles
Are you sure it was from Emma, not as babyjane suggested, from somebody else? I just don't understand this at all.
Well given that Emma has said publicly that it didn't come from admin, you should continue with your informative, detailed posts as I feel sure you are helping a number of members. No one is suggesting anyone has to go privately, there are plenty of excellent gynaes out there, few work exclusively privately anyway.
Thank you for your posts Freckles, I've enjoyed reading about your journey.
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Thanks for the clarification Freckles.
A moderator should be the person who advises Members on protocol, either on the Forum or via PMs. If other Members are trying to butt in, then a moderator should step in ………… well, that's how it works on the other Forums I'm on :-\
Keep updating how you are getting on! Every experience can be considered by others and use appropriately or dis-regarded if not appropriate.
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Thanks CKLD and ElizabethRose.
Happy to clarify the PM came from Emma and that I was advised to consider the content of my posts.
Which I will do, or course, as I don't want to upset the members who complained about me or the Forum Moderator.
Anyway I am doing very well on the regime prescribed by "He Who Shall Not Be Named" and will continue posting. :)
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Think as suggested by someone else a new sticky post " NHS/ private " , so those who get upset by the private posts don't need to read them / contribute ?
I personally found freckles posts great and enthusiastic , and when you have found the " ONE" who has helped you , then why wouldn't you shout it from the rooftops , even if others can't afford to see him , they can take the knowledge to there own GP and say Prof 🙊 Does this regime and helps many can I give it a go ?
From expert info without seeing the expert , because let's face it when some of us see our GPs and they get the MIMMS book out of the medication doesn't give a whole lot of faith when we are at our most vulnerable.
My own NHS gynae said I would only need to be on HRT for 4/5 months for me horrendous VA, at this point I smiled banged head on door and went private.
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I agree Maryjane, how very peculiar this all is though, something's not quite right!
I've mentioned some of the specialists I've seen over the years and would possibly have discussed them more if asked about them. This is an excellent medium for info exchange, something will need to be set up that will allow the conversations to be continued.
Perhaps you should have smiled and then banged his head on the door!
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Haha Freckles, that's how'll we'll do it - from now on he is 'he who should not be named'. I'm sure he'd give this a wry smile if and when he finds out about this!
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I'll hold the door, you bang his head :-\ - I wish that GPs/'experts' would listen to their patients :bang: :bang: :bang:
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"Lynda57 has left us. She was reprimanded for posting a link last night" - that's the bit I was referring to. OK? Clear now?
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Nope ::)
Is that in a PM to another Member? :-\
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Elizabethrose, you have a three monthly follow up after the initial consultation (then yearly after that) at "He Who Shall Not Be Named" clinic and I had my three monthly follow up this month.
I did tell "He Who Should Not be Named" about MM and that many women on here spoke highly of him and also his treatment regime (whether obtained privately or on the NHS). He looked up the forum in front of me on his lap top and read some of the posts about him and yes, he did give a wry smile!
I do rave about his treatment regime because I personally found it life changing and if women can get it on the NHS that's even better. Unfortunately I didn't have any option but to see "He Who Shall Not Be Named" as my GP is clinically and emotionally challenged when it comes to prescribed HRT- she won't, and only wants to prescribed antidepressants.
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Justjules, you raised a very valid point yesterday so don't feel badly today. I have seen a number of very sarcastic, patronising comments on this site. Some people ride roughshod over others beliefs and can do so in a bullying, domineering manner. We all of us have to make difficult choices about how to manage our health at this stage in our lives, some of the decisions are taken out of our hands.
Whether we take the HRT, other medicinal or indeed also 'natural' routes, is a right of the individual and they shouldn't be mocked or pilloried for doing so. Indeed, when discussions of a political nature have arisen on this site; patronising, sarcastic, bullying remarks can also abound.
I do understand, that in any collective situation, there will always be some who will take it upon themselves to manage everyone, to unofficially police what others say and do. However, this is a wonderful site enabling a very wide range of women to help, encourage and support each other and also to offer advice according to their own experiences. Of course we need to avoid unscrupulous advertising taking place which doesn't benefit any of us and can be detrimental.
There has also been criticism on another thread about some women seemingly advertising Professor Studd. Subsequently, it would seem some members have been advised by Emma to stop discussing Professor Studd and his recommended treatment methods, this is following complaints being made directly to her by some members. Might I suggest, that these women aren't advertising but just rejoicing in finding a solution to their extreme health conditions. It is very easy to become evangelical about something that has revolutionised our lives, we can easily become over enthusiastic. The other thing to consider here too, is that by those fortunate enough to be able to access private health care, sharing the detail of treatment plans, the information is then open to everyone. Especially, as so many have discovered, GPs can be uninformed about treatment possibilities. I do agree however, that private health care shouldn't be necessary but it's a cold fact of life that it sometimes is and I can speak from experience here. However, none of us should be insisting others have to see an expensive London based specialist otherwise no help is available to them. That is quite simply wrong.
The rather longwinded point I'm trying to make here, is that this site is an excellent vehicle for women to gain support and advice, enabling us to better our experiences at this very very difficult stage of our lives. Can we not offer this support in a kindly supportive manner?
Elizabeth Rose, what a thoughtful and insightful post. I agree this is an excellent site. Im a newcomer ( blown in) call what you will, but I have been reduced to tears, in a good way, and overwhelmed by the support I have personally received. Some of my posts were dealing with issues I have a real problem with, and they were handled sensitively and with a lot of help and encouragement . I personally think the problem is down to the literal written word. When we are verbally speaking to someone we can use gestures, smiles, hugs, etc. I know thats what the little symbols are for at the top, Im sure there is a proper name but I hope you know what I mean, but sometimes, its just not enough to get the true meaning across.
Im very sensitive myself but I genuinely didn't see anything harsh in Huridty's reply to Linda, I took from it she was gently guiding her in the rules of the forum, maybe again, thats not how it came across to Linda. Freckle I love your post, and Dangermouse's, they are also so informative and helpful.
Im sending a group hug to everyone this evening, God Bles you all and thanks for your invaluable support and help
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Very sweet of you to say so Evelyn and kind to put your thoughts down. I haven't directed my concerns at anyone specifically, my comments were made generally after wincing a few too many times over the past few months.
Life is difficult enough for many women, many of whom are seeking help here, without further pain and upset being caused. I agree totally about how wonderfully kind and generous our members are.
All good wishes to you x
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So admin have not reprimanded freckles how I read Emma's post ?
If admin hasn't then someone has given the impression they were admin ?
Really hope that's not the case , unless I have read it wrong ?
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"Lynda57 has left us. She was reprimanded for posting a link last night" - that's the bit I was referring to. OK? Clear now?
Yes Emma, it seems quite clear now.
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Elizabethrose, you have a three monthly follow up after the initial consultation (then yearly after that) at "He Who Shall Not Be Named" clinic and I had my three monthly follow up this month.
I did tell "He Who Should Not be Named" about MM and that many women on here spoke highly of him and also his treatment regime (whether obtained privately or on the NHS). He looked up the forum in front of me on his lap top and read some of the posts about him and yes, he did give a wry smile!
I do rave about his treatment regime because I personally found it life changing and if women can get it on the NHS that's even better. Unfortunately I didn't have any option but to see "He Who Shall Not Be Named" as my GP is clinically and emotionally challenged when it comes to prescribed HRT- she won't, and only wants to prescribed antidepressants.
Hahaha, I love it. His smile will be broader when he knows he's being referred to as Voldemort! Hahaha! Good luck with your treatment hope it keeps all the nasties at bay for you.
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No Maryjane, I think Emma is saying that her earlier response wasn't about Freckles but Linda who left. Therefore I'm reading that Emma did indeed reprimand Freckles for posting too many times about Prof ------!!!!
Of course, I may be wrong. Boy I'm bored with this now!
Have a happy weekend x
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Hurdity,
Please accept my sincere apologies and any other ladies I may have offended. It's not my usual nature to be confrontational but for some reason took umbridge at you telling a member to remove something which she had posted a link to and being the written word, took it the wrong way, which in hindsight and reading it back, I realise it was wrong of me. The other member had left because she said she was sick and tired of people mentioning Professor Studd and then didn't like being told not to read the posts so that didn't seem right either. All in all, no excuses, but a bad day and I'm really sorry. I hope you will forgive me?
I've been away from the forum for a couple of days with family commitments so only just seen this. Just to say thank-you for your apology - accepted and no hard feelings :). Thanks also for taking the trouble to send me a pm which I have also only just received.
Hurdity x
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Justjules, you raised a very valid point yesterday so don't feel badly today. I have seen a number of very sarcastic, patronising comments on this site. Some people ride roughshod over others beliefs and can do so in a bullying, domineering manner. We all of us have to make difficult choices about how to manage our health at this stage in our lives, some of the decisions are taken out of our hands.
Whether we take the HRT, other medicinal or indeed also 'natural' routes, is a right of the individual and they shouldn't be mocked or pilloried for doing so. Indeed, when discussions of a political nature have arisen on this site; patronising, sarcastic, bullying remarks can also abound.
I do understand, that in any collective situation, there will always be some who will take it upon themselves to manage everyone, to unofficially police what others say and do. However, this is a wonderful site enabling a very wide range of women to help, encourage and support each other and also to offer advice according to their own experiences. Of course we need to avoid unscrupulous advertising taking place which doesn't benefit any of us and can be detrimental.
......
The rather longwinded point I'm trying to make here, is that this site is an excellent vehicle for women to gain support and advice, enabling us to better our experiences at this very very difficult stage of our lives. Can we not offer this support in a kindly supportive manner?
However - Elisabethrose by making that additional post you have unfortunately caused further offence. Your language about other members is very emotive - "sarcastic, patronising, bullying, domineering", "ride roughshod". These are strong words indeed when individuals are still not named, and when you make the points directly after Justjules apology to me and when you say she has made a valid point. (By the way I do agree with you about the two main political threads - but this was mentioned at the time on the threads - they were out of character with the rest of the exchanges on the forum).
I would be personally mortified if I thought I was guilty of any of those traits. Might I respectfully suggest that if any comments make you "wince", please do take it up there and then on the thread and with the member concerned otherwise such comments can lead to unpleasant undercurrents with members wondering who or what is being referred to. There have been one or two minor spats between members recently but the challenges were made on the thread concerned and members explained themselves and no offence taken. I have also not seen any member "pilloried" or "mocked" for their treatments - that is a serious allegation!
There is a difference between criticism of a treatment based on scientific evidence - and general support for an individual. Members may ask about a particular treatment - and may be presented in response with both individual experiences or scientific information about the effectiveness, or simply a much needed hug - and all these have their place. Sometimes members for example criticise doctors - when members posts about their negative experiences - but again it is perfectly reasonable to get angry with some of them on behalf of the member!!
You may be bored with the thread but I've only just seen it - and your words are sitting there - straight after the post about my comment on Linda57's thread and Justjules' apology. I don't want an argument but having seen these strong criticisms I felt I had to respond.
Hurdity x
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Do you know I think that the word 'sensitivity' has been forgotten ………. and if a member has a problem with something that is said in a thread, they shouldn't hijack the topic in order to put their point/s across, another thread should be opened to draw discussion ! MHO
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Fully agree CKLD! :)
I also agree with Elizabethrose's earlier comment, including some replies being as negative as she has described. It's a subjective viewpoint I know but one that I concur with.
I think many individuals are not named by a poster they have issues with simply because they don't want a backlash or to be reprimanded, either online or by a Forum Admin when members indirectly complain about them. Some individuals appear to have issues about being disagreed with (not me, as I have my Big Girl's knickers pulled up).
I found this out recently as you may be aware, simply because some members didn't like my posts, both in frequency and content and complained indirectly and I was warned accordingly to moderate my posts. I don't believe I was "advertising", just sharing my experiences and my journey which has been very positive since seeing "He Who Shall Not Be Named". But I'm happy not to name *him* to keep those members happy and to comment on my treatment regime which has been life changing. (Note: Other NHS and private prescriptions are available)
Furthermore I was also made aware a couple of weeks ago when a very knowledgeable poster was criticised for posting about her HRT treatment experiences for not "being a medical doctor".
I found this ironic, because as far as I am aware, apart from Dr Currie, there are no qualified medical practitioners posting on here? I'm a Doctor (NOT of medicine ) and have done some partial training in medicine and I'm also a Chartered Scientist, so know to analyse clinical reports.
Nevertheless some members regularly give medical advice as to HRT treatment, dosage and frequency in the same (apparent) vein as a qualified medical practitioner might do; not in light of their treatment experiences on the same regime but as general HRT treatment advice.
Those are just examples that seem to be overlooked in the spirit of "sensitivity" and "sharing information" or could also be construed as at best possibly self serving and hypocritical?
So I think CKLD is spot on- the issue of sensitivity, sharing (and accepting) of different kinds of information has been overlooked and seems to me to hijacked!
When helpful information and mutual support is shared I think MM is a great place to come too.
When, however, negative posts as Elizabethrose clearly described do occur IMO, I know from personal messages I've received, it has put a lot of women off from posting, which I think is such a shame.
Seems ironic she isn't allowed to share her views either, given the subject matter of this thread !
That's my tuppence worth!
Hopefully I won't be complained about again indirectly and I genuinely value this forum when it works well!
Have great Bank Holiday weekend everyone. xx
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:thankyou: Freckles. Back to subject or maybe ask Emma to shut this down?
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How very surprised I was to read your post Hurdity. You appear to have assumed my comments were a personal attack on you, which rather puzzles me, as I quite categorically stated that my critiscms were general. If you feel sure that you are not guilty of possessing these traits, why would you believe anyone was accusing you of them I wonder?
It seems you are suggesting I should name the guilty parties: of course I could name and shame and cut and paste the offensive remarks here as evidence; but why would I wish to publically humiliate another member, that would hardly be kindly or considerate which is exactly what I am campaigning for.
Justjules did make a very valid statement and she was very upset thus my reassurance to her. She was concerned about more able posters trying to dominate others who were perhaps less able to manage the situation. Whilst I hadn't read the thread that she was specifically commenting on, and this I mentioned at the time, I wholeheartedly agreed with her statement for a greater need for being kind and sensitive to other members.
I totally stand by my remarks on bullying, sarcastic and patronising posts made by some, who seem to thrive on dominating the forum like unelected head girls, policing what others say and do. Given that I have received a number of PMs from members who have felt bullied and upset by posts, thanking me for highlighting this subject matter, I am very happy that I did make a stand. What I was hoping to achieve was that those guilty of behaving like this might climb off their high horse and eat some humble pie. Offering advice and support is what we should be doing, not reprimanding and dictating.
Given that you seem to be challenging me in a somewhat aggressive and dictatorial fashion, I am going to also say that I am indeed surprised by your critisims of those members who have enthusiastically discussed their experiences with Prof Studd which has resulted in them being muffled by admin. I have read your repeated remarks to MaryG and also Freckles accusing them of advertising his business. This puzzles me enormously, as I recently read one of your posts stating that Nick Panay is one of the best, including a number of exclamation marks to emphasise this, coming from someone who has never met him or been treated by him, which you also mentioned on a previous post. At least MaryG and Freckles had met and been successfully treated by the doctor they were recommending. Should MaryG and Freckles, and indeed anyone else, suggest that you are in the employ of Nick Panay and advertising his business and publically reprimand you about this before reporting you to admin? Maybe it's one set of rules for one person and a whole different set of rules for everyone else.
As for providing scientific evidence of a treatment's effectiveness, either medicinal or holistic - if a member feels strongly that something is working for them, then that should be good enough for any of us. We are all just trying to get by. If they think it works for them, good luck to them, we should celebrate for them, not ridicule their belief. What is faith after all Hurdity, if not a belief in something that can't be proven by science?
I too am not in the business of public slanging matches but, like Freckles, I'm a big girl with my big girl's knickers pulled way up high and I am never intimidated by bullying remarks or behaviour. In fact they rather make me rise to the challenge.
As I have repeated a number of times now, this forum is an excellent medium for struggling women to get together and support each other. The overwhelming majority of members are kindly supportive caring souls who want nothing more than to offer some means of assistance to each other. I say thank you to them all. Let anyone else try a little harder
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Excellent post Elizabethrose.
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:thankyou: Elizabethrose ………
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DO NOT Edit or delete anything unless Dr Currie requests you to do so!!!!
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That's so bad to be PM ed and asked to edit ! >:(
As you say you'd already asked to be "excused " your English as you're from Brazil ! Shows people only read /see half a story !
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Thank you Elizabethrose and Freckles, you put that far better than I ever could.
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Menomale ......don't be told what to do by others , other than Admin which is Emma or Dr Currie.
I am English and very often you would think it was my second language. 😂
I don't proof read , and my fingers type quicker than my brain thinks. 🤔
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I think Elizabethrose deserves all the kudos, not me.
She provided a far more thoughtful and eloquent post than I did, which seemed to have resonated with many members.
But thank you anyway for the nice comments on mine. :)
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I have friends of many nationalities, many of whom have excellent English as their second language. I on the other hand am woeful at learning other languages, and the German and French I learned in school is pathetically inadequate. :(
I think in general there is a certain inbred arrogance (and I don't mean this in any way insultingly) that we almost expect other nationalities to speak English, and are rather lazy about learning other languages ourselves.
(I just know someone who is multi-lingual is going to come along any minute now and slap my wrist to prove me wrong though)! ;)
I delight in our differences, and love speaking to people of all cultures and learning about their experiences of all things. I'm also delighted that we have a new member from Brazil! There is so much that we can learn from each other. Anything that gets 'lost in translation' should be excused, as I can only imagine the crimes I would commit if I were even to attempt to be brave enough to join in discussion on a forum in a foreign language(!) :o
Welcome, Menomale. It truly is lovely to have you here and I hope you find us to be a friendly bunch. And please excuse OUR English. Sometimes it's not as good as it should be, especially when we're suffering from 'menopause brain'!
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Hi Menomale - I'm appalled that someone would actually PM you like that. Posters on MM need to remember that this is not purely a UK site. It is an international site, that just happens to be owned by a UK doctor. There are all sorts of different opinions and experiences expressed by the posters here, and because things are a certain way in one country, doesn't mean it will be the same in another country.
I'm Australian and, even though we share a common language with the UK, I'm sure sometimes my Aussie-isms may creep into my posts, but I would be absolutely disgusted if someone sent me a PM telling me what I can and can't say. There are also times where things are said on the forum, by a UK person, and I've been a bit confused by their meaning. It's just the way it is in the big wide world. Vive la différence!!
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:thankyou: