Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => Personal Experiences => Topic started by: Spangles on August 07, 2016, 07:39:05 AM
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Hi
I've got my self into a bit of an anxious state! Today we have a huge family gathering for special birthday. I will be seeing family members I have never met and some I haven't seen in 15 years. I just feel sick and anxious. Does anyone else feel like this in these situations? If I don't go there will be questions asked and I will also feel I have given into the anxiety.
Thanks
xXx
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Hi Shellb
I think lots of us feel apprehensive in those circumstances. Just remember you don't have to make a grand entrance. There will be lots of people so you won't be the focus of attention. You will speak to a few people but not all as there won't be the time or opportunity. Just go with the flow and don't put yourself under any pressure! Hope it goes well 😀
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And remember, others will be feeling the same! Most people are more interested in themselves, which is natural. If you find your self having a conversation with someone, just ask them questions. My DH and I go to these kind of functions playing a game to see if you can avoid talking about yourself and getting others to talk. It takes the focus off yourself and it can be very interesting. It's fun trying to find people's 'hot buttons'. The trouble is you occasionally meet someone who is better at this than yourself and you find yourself talking about you!
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Sorry to hear about your MIL Sparkle...
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Thanks so much ladies. Since I started my menopause I've just preferred to be in my own little bubble and when I have to come out of it I suffer. I'm off to Venice tomorrow with my OH and I always get anxious before I travel so I have a lot going on right now. My fear is having an anxiety attack in front of everyone and having to explain myself.
xXx
P.S. I think of pj's and snuggles too Sparkle
You are all so kind and it makes me feel better knowing I'm not the only one xXx
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sorry for your loss Sparkle xx
Shellb, at my worst I often used 'rescue remedy' to help me through these occasions - have you tried that? I still dont like them, but since being on AD's I am a lot better now, I am not 'scared' as such just rather not. Far happier in my own bubble too.
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:bighug: Sparkle
I always find out where the loo is as soon as I arrive anywhere, that's my 'go to' place ………. we have a funeral on the horizon :sigh: …………. I also have my emergency tablet to swallow.
You have put yourself into two potentially difficult situations: allowing anxiety to layer itself - bugga. Why do we feel we have to explain ourselves :-\, I still think that I will spoil an event for others if I can't attend or have to leave early.
Will you enjoy your holiday?
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my sincere condolences sparkle ((hug)) x
well we have just had a big family weekend and I was getting in a state last week about it, convinced I wouldn't cope (I have been having treatment for anxiety related difficulties for 8 months now).
Well, I have had the best weekend and I am feeling so encouraged. I am tired and I have a headache from red wine and chocolate cake plus too much sun and lots of photos but it was wonderful.
I wore myself out with worrying and anticipating stuff that never happened. I made the choice to enjoy it and guess what - I did :)
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Well done you! Anticipation anxiety is sooooo tiring :sigh:
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tell me about it, really silly habit but all part and parcel of an anxiety disorder. I have been cocooned with love this weekend and it did me the world of good.
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Menopause has given me social anxiety, I've become a hermit because of it and lost many 'friends' not really friends as my few true ones still like to hear from me although they don't know that I'm suffering
I've not told docs about it as I want to treat the cause not the symptom but if I don't get help I will go and pour my heart out
I can't quite describe mine only to say in any social situation, pub, cafe, shop etc I am ok'ish whilst walking, it's the minute I stand still, heart thumps, I feel faint and I want to run, I'm still not sure if it is a POTS type of thing happening or not but I emailed a local cognitive hypnotherapist to help me. We've struck a good rapport and she said she finds me so good and easy to chat to, first session was free to see whether I'd like her, she doesn't kick me out after the hour, in fact this week I went in at 3.30 and came out at 5.20! She used to be ward sister on our local gynae ward so happily chats hormones too. She commented she likes how realistic I am and how I pick my problem apart trying to pinpoint triggers and solve them (obviously not that good at it hence why I'm seeing her)
Next session starts properly, she'll be delving into my past relationships and will kind of put me in a trance, and I have realised its got to be hormone related, back when I entered puberty I had similar episodes but desensitisation or disociation , used to scare the living day lights out of me, I've only recently read what they meant, as a 15/16 years old girl I thought I was dying during them and my soul was leaving my body lol, anyhow her ears pricked up at this and she said she'd like to put me in those 'out of body' things again, I told her no no no, I never ever want to feel that bad again, so she said she'd do the stage in between the feelings of then and how I feel now
As I was leaving she said if a time comes I can't afford these sessions to tell her because her desire to help me far outweighs what she earns, I thought that was quite sweet
I've rambled but needed to let you know I'm a fellow sufferer and I hate it
Annie x
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You ramble away ………. ;)
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Hi Annie, she sounds like a really good find! It makes such a difference when you can relate to someone who's there to help you. I'm lucky that I too have a good therapist, although she hasn't offered to lower her fee unfortunately!
I'm getting more and more like this in social situations - really hate them now, especially work-related ones and would really just like to stay at home. I've never been good at standing chatting either as it makes me feel as if I need to sit down and always insist on sitting down in a Pub much to hubby's annoyance. Hope it goes well for you.x
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Hi Annie, she sounds like a really good find! It makes such a difference when you can relate to someone who's there to help you. I'm lucky that I too have a good therapist, although she hasn't offered to lower her fee unfortunately!
I'm getting more and more like this in social situations - really hate them now, especially work-related ones and would really just like to stay at home. I've never been good at standing chatting either as it makes me feel as if I need to sit down and always insist on sitting down in a Pub much to hubby's annoyance. Hope it goes well for you.x
That's EXACTLY like me!
But, I think added to that is a degree of vertigo/POTS type thing going on, slouching on the sofa now I keep going 'swimmy ' , no anxiety
Lowering my oestrogen has calmed my palpitations down but I feel weak anyway, energy and muscular-wise, add the SA into the mix and I'm a mess
I did say at the first meeting with this lady finances will play a part, I pay private for dentist every 3 months, healthwise I've got my fiancé a pretty packet this past year or so !
But it was comforting that her desire to help outweighs her desire for a big bank balance
Annie x
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Have you been diagnosed with POTS Annie? It's supposed to make your heart rate faster when getting up and down and a difference in blood pressure readings from standing to sitting from what I read. It can also mean you feel faint when standing like we used to do in school assembly etc.
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Have you been diagnosed with POTS Annie? It's supposed to make your heart rate faster when getting up and down and a difference in blood pressure readings from standing to sitting from what I read. It can also mean you feel faint when standing like we used to do in school assembly etc.
I don't like keep going to docs, I never seem to get answers
Standing is the worst for me, I can't measure blood pressure but standing makes me feel more breathless, lightheaded and heart going and slightly nsuseous , not every day but even standing at the sink to clean teeth can do it, it just seems to sap my energy, hard to explain then add the swimmy feelings , that can be standing or sitting, it's like all my senses have gone hay wire
Annie x
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Annie - do you have a trapped nerve in the neck? Sometimes I get similar sensations if I turn my head quickly, enough to make me go 'OH!' and feel sort of woozy. Maybe ask your GP for referral for an X-ray to see if there is anything that will cause these feelings?
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I don't know if it's a trapped nerve, no pain at all
It can happen laying in bed if I turn over but not all the time, I can turn over and then it feels like I'm on a rocky boat
Annie X
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Could it be one of the vestibular thingies like BPV http://www.healthline.com/health/benign-positional-vertigo#Overview1
Taz x
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Me neither Annie. I can't get the right words out half the time and then I'm frightened of tests even though I'd like to find out why I feel like this all the time so my own worst enemy!
I'm terrible in a morning - really weak and no energy and yes, stood at sink to clean teeth and put my makeup on is when I feel the worst. Usually try and eat something first and then it's not as bad. x
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Definitely not a spinning sensation, but a rough day on the sea
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I've had strange things for years, i.e. I'll be walking along OK but then I stagger, don't know why: sometimes it feels like my thighs go weak or my feet land where my brain wasn't intending ::). No dizziness. No feeling of light-headedness …...
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Do you also find yourself stumbling around, slightly off balance? Not dizzy exactly, more like your body and head are out of sync? I've had phases of this and noticing it again just recently.
S x
Yes also feels like my head is empty lol , probably is, I'm sure I've lost brain cells
Balance is an issue for me, if I'm walking down a supermarket aisle and have to walk between people I cannot guarantee not knocking into them, plus I've had 2 episodes of being out sitting on a chair and seriously thought the chair was sloping to the left and I've grabbed the table, I now feel safer in a chair with arms
But sitting at my desk at work the whoozy feeling can happen, I just feel so weak and feeble too
Annie x
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It really does sound so hormonal Annie, not that that's any consolation. I had this badly years ago when I was told I had chronic fatigue, I do wonder if it was hormonal or even if for me the two were closely linked as through peri I have felt very much like I did with chronic fatigue, just heightened.
S x
Is there an end to this? Surely soon my hormones have got to sort themselves out, it's probably my payback for never having pmt x
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Botheration. Have a funeral next week and already :-\ ………..
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Sparkle, what tests did you have before they decided on the CFS diagnosis? I'm getting more or less the same symptoms as Annie, plus a few that CLKD described i.e. sometimes feel like I'm staggering or unbalanced and the weird head whooshes when I'm sat at my desk or stood at the sink. I'm trying to pluck up courage to go to the Drs but the list I need to take is so long I'm frightened I'll have to have every test going! I'm just so sick of feeling this strange. I'm 60 soon and everybody says 'you've got a good 20 years to go yet' but I don't feel like it most days at the moment!!!
x
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Definitely not a spinning sensation, but a rough day on the sea
Sounds very much like BPV Annie
Taz x
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Botheration. Have a funeral next week and already :-\ ………..
so sorry to hear this CLKD. We have a funeral on Friday , a friend and ex colleague of my husbands. she was 57 :'(
Is yours a relative or a friend?
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Thanks Sparkle, that's very helpful and most of what I have read about CFS so can probably rule that out in my case as I haven't got any viral type symptoms or glands up and not a lot of muscle pain. Yes, I doubt having gone through IVF and having twins didn't help one bit! At this age, it's so difficult to know what is hormones and what is just general illness. I've never really thought that my hormones were to blame as being post meno for 7 or 8 years, didn't think it had affected me that much apart from flushes.
Oh well, back to the drawing board.... :-\
x
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Relative of Himself - aged 80+ ………. so my anxiety will rise :sigh:
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I've managed to get one for next Thursday.....I've only made an appointment and I'm already panicking it's some nasty disease or my heart....I'll be in a right state for a week but I'm sick of being like this. X
CLKD, sorry to hear about your loss, funerals are never easy.
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Thanks. If necessary I simply won't go inside, no one will miss me.
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Thanks. If necessary I simply won't go inside, no one will miss me.
Sorry to hear about the funeral but if thats the case then I would have thought it would have been easier for you to stay at home rather than put yourself through it? If you were not close enough to the deceased for people to even notice if you are there or not then I would say let your husband go alone. Life is too short to put ourselves through unnecessary stress.
Taz x :hug:
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We never do stuff separately ………. if it's fine I can sit in the grave yard whilst the Service takes place
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Oh right. Sorry. I just thought that it saves having to put yourself through it if it's not necessary for you to be there. I'm sure Himself would understand unless he is unable to do it alone then, of course, it makes sense that you to have to go to. Some of the graveyard's are very pretty. Take a book and find a nice tree to sit under.
Taz x :bighug:
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Trouble is Taz, I can get myself into a right 'state' weeks B4 an event, then find I'm fine 'on the day'; bugga - which tends to spoil any lead up to anything we do ……….. :sigh: and I don't take the emergency tablet unless anxiety over-takes me. Himself will cope. He's so laid back etc. etc.. His brother/wife will probably be there so I don't worry about that side of things.
Graveyards I love ;-). Sods Law it will rain ::)
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I do know how you feel CLKD - happens to me too. I'm ok as long as I have a back up plan if I do feel too bad on the day to actually do something.
Taz x
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Yep.
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Anxiety has robbed me of enough. I am not going to let it take any more if I can help it.
I have made a conscious decision to go to our friend's funeral tomorrow and I am not entertaining any other choice. However I will decline the wake if we are invited back but hubby will go. She was his colleague and all his old colleagues will be there so he should go.
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Let us know how you get on!
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It's strange how anxiety affects us all differently. I would find the church/crematorium part the most difficult as you are just sitting there but the Wake would be fine because you can move around and nobody would notice if you had to go off outside, say, for a while.
Taz x
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Likewise - I can't be shut in …… it was always difficult but in the 1990s became impossible :'(
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Well ladies, I managed the family occasion and my trip to Venice. I arrived home yesterday and felt relieved. CLKD I also get myself into a state for weeks leading up to an event, to the point where I feel I'm going to have a breakdown! Deep down I know I'll be ok but it doesn't stop the anxiety and worry beforehand.
It's another place of the bucket list and I don't have to think about going away again for a good while.
xXx
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I would feel far more 'shut in' in a pub or room full of people that I ever would in the orderliness of the funeral service.
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But a funeral service is more official & emotional than a room full of people or a pub, maybe that is what CLKD means :-\
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We are all different as to what makes us anxious. I feel I can get out of a situation where people are milling around and chatting to each other rather than sat in a service where you have to negotiate out of the pew and walk down a, maybe, long aisle with everyone wondering where you are going.
Taz x
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Yep. Can't be shut in anywhere these days, find shopping difficult if it's busy ::) and don't go to visit friends in their homes in case I have a panic attack ……..
Hope this afternoon goes OK BJ?
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It was at a spanking new modern crem with views over the countryside and all the doors to the room were open. I had an end of row seat so everything was fine :) Husband and his colleagues all went to the wake and he was there for three hours and thoroughly enjoyed mingling and chatting and reminiscing without having to worry about whether I was all right, or leave early because of me.
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:thankyou: + :bighug:. Any wobbles at all?
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Only when the deceased's niece played and sang her favourite song :'(
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Oh. Tissues to hand?
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I didn't realise this yesterday but the funeral was full (room to hold 150 people, every seat filled, and people standing at the back). Thinking about it this morning there was a group of people standing in front of the doorway. 6 months ago if I had even been in the room I would have panicked about people standing behind us and I would not have tolerated the door being blocked by people. this morning I realised that it did not even enter my head that there were people in front of the doorway.
It's when I see evidence of the small improvements like that I feel reassured and that I am getting better
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Well done babyjane. If you haven't already done so then get a small, pretty notebook and begin to write down the positives because it is so easy to forget them when you are having a not-so-good day. Never a negative only the positives.
Taz x
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:thankyou: one day I will feel like this without medication and without therapy but at the moment the medication (ultra low doses) is helping me learn from my psychotherapy and I am actually starting to like myself a little bit :)
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You looks OK from where I be a sitting …….. ;)
Little steps!
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:thankyou: :bunny:
I'm not daft, I know I won't feel up every single day but at the moment I am encouraged.
Yesterday my son sent me a quote, it says
'Not everyone will understand your journey. That's fine. It's not their journey to make sense of. It's yours.'
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I LOVE that.
I've decided that if I can't go into Church on Wed. I may manage the Hotel after ;)
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Well ladies, I managed the family occasion and my trip to Venice. I arrived home yesterday and felt relieved. CLKD I also get myself into a state for weeks leading up to an event, to the point where I feel I'm going to have a breakdown! Deep down I know I'll be ok but it doesn't stop the anxiety and worry beforehand.
It's another place of the bucket list and I don't have to think about going away again for a good while.
xXx
Shellb - I don't think any of us have commented yet!!! The thread got side-tracked as they do ::) . Your original post expressed worries about your family occasion and trip to Venice so it's great news that you managed to do both of these without mishap. Well done you! :tulips: .
Venice is lovely - where did you stay and what did you see? I expect you rode the vaporettos - did you go to any of the islands like Murana or Torcello? I went there with my daughter a couple of years ago, and 8 years ago with husband and two sons. I could quite happily go again it's so beautiful!
Now you've done that and it wasn't so bad - maybe you can think about the next trip and it won't worry you quite so much?
Hurdity x :)
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Sorry this certainly did get missed - I had a school friend who promised to take me to Venice as that was his ancestral home, we never did get there ::) - we were 11 at the time ;D. Glad that you managed Shelib but sometimes I do wonder if all the prior angst is worth the upheaval in my guts :'(.
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Hi Hurdity and CLKD
It's definately the bill up to things, if some one told me "we will be flying in two hours", I think I would be excited as there would be no time to think!
We had a lovely time, I had anxiety in the background in case anything happened.
We did all of the lovely tourist things and yes Hurdity, we used the vapourer to all the time to get to where we wanted to be, we then walked back to our hotel and took pleasure in getting lost! We stayed about 3 minutes walk from St Marke Square.
xXx
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Glad you enjoyed the trip!