Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => Personal Experiences => Topic started by: babyjane on July 13, 2016, 11:03:53 AM
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I am now 59 years old and most of my menopausal symptoms have either gone, are a lot milder or are medically treated, like my anxiety. This is how I personally coped with the years when the symptoms were most bothersome and my husband was out at work..
Fatigue and lack of energy - I had a cleaner every fortnight to do the heavy housework like hoovering and cleaning the bathroom and changing the bed. I also sent the heavy ironing, like my husband's work uniform, to a lady who took in ironing. Other things I did not iron if they were just things I wore round the house and did not go out in, a 'clean and crumpled' look. I also used Pledge fluffy dusters which pick up the dust instead of just spreading it around and, on the whole, I lowered my standards to what was necessary. I also resisted the pressure to cook everything from scratch and got ready prepared vegetables, especially butternut squash.
Hot Flushes/night sweats - A Magicool spray was invaluable as was a small hand held fan and layered cotton clothing, no acrylic or polyester, and a summer duvet all year round. Sleeping in the spare room if necessary with the window open or even sitting on the back doorstep in the night.
Mood swings - St John's Wort worked very well for me although I still had my jeckyll and hyde moments
Thyroid levels - having autoimmune underactive thyroid it was important that my levels were regularly monitored as menopausal hormonal fluctuations affect the thyroid levels too which can also affect the bowel function.
Weight gain - I just had to go with it as nothing I did worked. I gained about a stone and a half during peri and lost about a half over the next few years. I have now come to terms with being a bit heavier than I was pre meno as it is not a good look to be scrawny which is how my neck goes if I lose weight now. As little in the way of processed foods and sugar also helped me.
Anxiety/depression - A biggie and has needed medical intervention and counselling. Don't be afraid if the menopause brings long buried insecurities to the surface. If they are severe then there is help to be had and I am glad I asked for help. If you were emotionally stable before meno and the anxiety is hormone related then I believe HRT can help but I never went down this route. Keep talking to people and don't be ashamed to say how you are feeling and let them help if they offer to.
VA/Dryness - for me Vagifem has been excellent and also helped with urinary frequency especially at night and Systane eye drops are very good for dry eyes.
Insomnia - I don't know the answer to this one, I tried a lot of things but the only thing that helped me was a single tablet of 500mg paracetamol. I still woke up several times but at least my mind didn't churn as much and keep me awake.
I had some difficult times but I can honestly say it all seems to work itself out, gradually improving. the difficult thing is having patience as it is not a quick process for some ladies.
this is not meant to be a sermon but my own experience in the hope that something could maybe help someone who is where I was about 8/9 years ago.
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Thank you babyjane for sharing your story it's well appreciated too. My doc tells me to be patient it's been so much of a nightmare this journey!!
Thanks again!!!
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I've never heard of magicool spray before. Another one to try there. Can you buy at chemist? Jan x
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What an absolutely brilliant post: thank you so much Babyjane for taking the time to write it. The peri/meno journey can be long, hard and so confusing for many women, it helps enormously to read other womens' experiences, written in a matter of fact, non lecturing way. I applaud you. x
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I've never heard of magicool spray before. Another one to try there. Can you buy at chemist? Jan x
Yes it is widely available - Boots, Supedrug, Amazon, ebay. Of course it is more widely available at this time of year. I used to stock up in the summer as I was also hot in the winter ::)
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What an absolutely brilliant post: thank you so much Babyjane for taking the time to write it. The peri/meno journey can be long, hard and so confusing for many women, it helps enormously to read other womens' experiences, written in a matter of fact, non lecturing way. I applaud you. x
Oh goodness me, thank you :)
There are so many small aspects of this time of life that I am sure many women don't even mention for fear of sounding silly. One of the things that bothered me in the beginning before I even knew this forum existed and I had never heard if Vaginal Atrophy, was that when I went to spend a penny the urine flow would spray all over the place, right and left, instead of straight down which could mean a wipe with a flannel afterwards. On joining this forum, learning about VA and labial shrinkage, it gradually clicked into place and I understood the 'why'. I am fine if I know why, it is the wondering that makes me anxious.
These small worries matter as much as the large issues. I have always thought that if it matters to you then it matters, full stop.
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Thank you babyjane it gives me hope there's light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm also a magicool fan it has helped me lots
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Thanks BJ, that's on my list now be good for summer and winter. It's a shame you don't have a magic wand for insomnia!!
Good post thanks for sharing!! Jan x
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:thankyou:
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I just tried to post what I would have liked to read about 7 or 8 years ago but I didn't know where to get information.
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Put in Libraries, Health Centres, Vet Surgeries, Leisure Centres, Gynae Clinics? in a small booklet ……… no need to add a name to it but with an Advert about this Forum?
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BJ, thank you sooo much for summarising all your experience in such a great way! Reading it, I so wished I am nearing or already past this maddness, but ......Thank you, enjoy fully every single day - with a smile!!!
Milamam
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Babyjane Thank you :thankyou:
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Great to hear someone's story who has come out the other side! Despite it being helpful and informative, it's easy to get demotivated reading all the issues we all have but so good to be reminded that things will calm down, so thank you for that.
Knowing this isn't 'it' forever makes all the difference in how we perceive our current difficulties.
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Anxiety/depression - A biggie and has needed medical intervention and counselling. Don't be afraid if the menopause brings long buried insecurities to the surface. If they are severe then there is help to be had and I am glad I asked for help.
What sort of help did you ask for, babyjane? I'm going through horrible anxiety problems at the moment, that are having a mental and physical effect on me. (I'm not on HRT either, by the way.) They usually strike when I'm by myself, overthinking or - oddly enough - needing food. How were you helped?
Dulciana
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A drop in blood sugar can trigger anxiety surges. I was advised to eat every 3 hours, 24/7 etc. etc. etc.
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And was that always carbohydrate, CLKD, or just anything, as long as you ate something?
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Small sandwich. Fruit. Nuts. Bananas. Dry biscuits. Dextrose tablets in the night or ginger biscuits. My puppy soon realised that there were biscuits to be had after her 3.00 a.m. garden visit ;D
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Hello Dulciana, I have been helped by a low dose antidepressant - Escitalopram at the lowest dose, 5mg to stabilise my negativity and low dose Propranolol (5mg twice a day) for the anxiety. For me these two work hand in hand and in 6 months I have gone from being a 'glass three quarters empty' person to seeing the glass as a quarter full now. I have also been having psychodynamic therapy as my anxiety issues go back decades, right to when I was three years old, but the menopause seemed to drag them out of the depths and play games with them. I feel as though my brain and my emotions are gradually being rebooted :)
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Interesting, interesting. Thanks CLKD and babyjane. I think I should be able to do something about this, from your helpful suggestions.
:thankyou:
Dulciana
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Thanks BJ. Great post and really nice of you to think of sharing your experience of this rotten time of life.
I honestly don't know where I am in the meno journey.....I am the same age as you, last period about 7 years ago, never taken HRT and think I rode through most of it because of ADs. Have struggled with anxiety and depression most of my adult life so don't know now much of that is down to meno either. Have mostly got anxiety under control thankfully but can't shake this awful fatigue. Can't even go on a decent walk because I get worn out quick and feel spaced out when walking after a while which frustrates me! Had bloods checked, ECG, just taken a mega dose of Vit D but have had to resort, like you did, to a cleaner and ironing lady which has taken a huge burden off me as I just couldn't tackle housework with no energy. I've never been a full of energy person but it's awful now. Trying to hold down my job....trying to cut it from 4 days to 3 at the moment. Did anything help with your fatigue particularly?? I see old people doing stuff I can't do! Hoping that my sixties are going to be much better than my fifties!!
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If your thyroid function test is borderline 'normal' ask for specifics to check again. Also being low in Iron I believe can cause weariness, like having a cold all the while ?
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Hoping that my sixties are going to be much better than my fifties!!
Word for word what I have said on several occasions JJ.
What helped my fatigue may not work for everyone but I was in the fortunate position of being able to stop working in 2006. I realise not everyone can do this but it made a lot of difference to my fatigue as it took a lot of stress away and I didn't have to push myself beyond what I could manage. I still have days when I can do a lot more than others but on the whole life is better. I am also hoping for better times in my 60s.
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Thanks BJ. Sorry for hijacking your thread. I can't finish work altogether unfortunately, but I can understand how it would help. Here's to better days to come :thankyou:
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you didn't hijack anyting JJ. All contributions are relevant and everyone has something to say x
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Sadly I had to leave my job in November due to overwhelming anxiety id struggled on for quite a,few years but lack of understanding and zero support from my 30yearvold manager who didn't give a hoot about what I was going through meant I had to leave before she pushed me out ! Things have been easier since I left in one way as I dont have to get up at half six etc but having no structure to my day plus the financial pressures have made me a lot worse psychologically!
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I feel like you wtd, I gave up work cause of all my symptoms. It has taken that pressure from me. But I have no structure to my day and I prefer to have that in my life. As for finances we just get by there. I'm only 47 well 48 tomorrow that is and I hoping I will go back to work only part-time. That is when the time is right and find something that will give me some extra cash. I'm getting fed up now and bored I prefer structure to my day but health plays its part I'm afraid. I get so fed up as so many people out there don't understand it's good this forum cause people can relate etc. Jan x
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Janice68'lovely to hear its not just me who couldn't manage work and menopausal symptoms sometimes I do wonder is it just me is there something wrong with me as,a person that I cant cope with stuff others seem to cope with ! Were the same we just get by my holiday this year is to be 4 nights in our tent that's all we can manage as my husbands self employed and cant take time off as looses money ! However I do count myself lucky as I know people who never get away anywhere.
Structure is important otherwise it feels like I'm measuring out my life in teaspoons day to day ! I now have a cpn to help with all this but he is so young I feel sorry for him listening to me so i tend not to burden him ! I'm also currently under going assessment for psychotherapy on the NHS I did ask her last time I saw her if she thought my problems were hormones or psychological she said both !
I'm fifty janice68 and I'm registered with a,supply agency but I haven't had much from them, I keep thinking I must find a permanent part time job but realistically I know I'm not well enough anxiety wise .oh well were still here though plodding on and getting by the best we can . Good luck xx😊
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No wtd it's not just you it's me and others out there too!! I have spoken to a few people I've met along the way who have given up work cause they can't function properly it's very alarming isn't it?
I too feel like I'm plodding along too. Some days I fight better than others you just keep going
No holiday this year. But I'm grateful
for what we have!!! Take care xx
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Volunteer?
Borrow a dog and go for walks?
Join the local School and help children read?
I found that making a list of things to do each evening gave me a focus, I could tick off during the day and see what I had achieved ;)
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I felt like this when I stopped work. The first year I learnt a musical instrument to grade 3 and took the exam. The second year I did a certificate course in the work I did because I thought I would go back, which I did briefly but had to stop again.
Then I changed my attitude and stopped driving myself and trying to prove myself and started to accept that I didn't need all this stress to prove myself. After this I relaxed and started being a wife and mother and grandmother and actually enjoyed it without feeling guilty.
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I did look into voluntary work a while back but my anxiety's been too bad to follow it up ! I have two dogs both a nightmare even though went to dog training classes id never walk either on my own their not vicious they just dont listen bark at other dogs pull on leads etc .
Funny you mentioning guilt babyjane as I do feel guilty that um so bloody useless I dont know what happened to me but I dont like it , therapist says I can get me back but not even in therapy yet still in assessment so could take awhile but I do know I'm lucky to even get it and i appreciate it as the NHS is so stretched I'm one of the lucky ones .
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My guilt and feelings of uselessness are being exorcised by my therapy which I have been having for 6 months now. I think private is better if you can do it, it takes all my money each month (I have a small allowance) but it is money well spent because I am now seeing changes after each (fortnightly) visit.
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Pity I don't live nearer WtDog - I don't take any flack from furries ;). Two 2-gether than wind each other up. However, if you are home how about training sessions in the garden?
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I will post them out to you clkd ! The eldest is the worse he is busy barking in my face !😐
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Off to open the 'dog' thread ;)
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Great post BJ, and all good comments too.
I was helped the most by finding this forum. Changing my GP (twice), taking AD's and changing my diet, without the AD's though I would not have found 'me' again and had the energy to change diet, learn to cook etc.
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Really good thread.
Some days I get up really late, but tend to do stuff late on, so make up for that. I also try not to beat myself up about not doing as much as I used to. I have good days & bad but better that I was since finding this forum & taking St John's Wort & just trying to remember that there are others out there all doing the same.
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What a great post BJ - and very well put. Let us know if you find a 'cure' for insomnia - I'd do anything for a full nights sleep!
Interesting what you say BJ about past issues resurfacing at this time of life, because in recent months I've found myself tackling the thorny subject of my difficult relationship with my mother (now deceased), and having discovered she was somewhat narcissistic, I'm now coming to terms with all of that. I definitely felt a 'need' to heal, which I suspect is part of the 'spiritual' aspect of the menopause journey.
I also stopped working in January this year, partly due to having a very stressful full-time job and not coping with the symptoms that came with it (insomnia, night worries/sweats, day flushes, difficulty concentrating - no good in the workplace with a high-flying unsympathetic male boss!). It makes me wonder just how many of us there are who have struggled to cope with work, and have either stopped or gone part-time. I've been looking for p/t work, but I'm a bit choosy as I can't cope with too much pressure these days. Hubby is very supportive, having seen how much I've struggled at times, and we're just about coping financially - no holiday this year, just days out. I try not to feel guiltly because I've always worked very hard. I've considered HRT many times, but after a bad experience in peri with Mirena, am worried I'll turn back into the Wicked Witch of the West!! I find low dose AD's are enough to keep the anxiety at bay.
So for now I'll just keep looking for a job within my comfort zone, and take each day as it comes.... glad I'm not the only one! 8)
CTG x
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I felt that I had to go part time and so glad that I did,but for others it may not be an option :-\
Not enough support out there or if there is it seems to be a lottery. :(
About to move house/area soon so it remains to be seen what our new gp is like,and just as I'd got my current gp tamed ! ;D
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Good luck with new gp dazned. Personally I dont feel like I'm coping with peri meno at all its affected me physically and mentally I have gynaecology problems i didn't have and anxiety is debilitating plus its brought back a lot of trauma from my early years. I also left my job due to all these issues
I'm now under a gynaecologist plus a menopause specialist I have a cpn , a psychiatrist a therapist . I was fine til this peri meno hit me like a ton of bricks and now I don't recognise myself.