Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => All things menopause => Topic started by: Nejon12 on June 28, 2016, 11:57:14 AM
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Hello Everyone,
My name is Jo and I am 38yrs old. I am currently on the mirena coil as treatment for Endometriosis which I was diagnosed with a few years ago. I also have a history of mental health problems and suffered a break down/depression approx seven years ago from which I got better but still suffer from low mood etc.
Over this past year my mental health has been deteriorating and the mental toolkit which I built following CBT, and which previously helped me manage my depression, has not been effective. This latest bout of depression feels different to that previously - I.e I do not feel self loathing/hate towards myself, rather I just have an overwhelming sense of sadness and an indescribable rage. I am also frequently met with thoughts of suicide and these episodes are increasing. Recently on occasion I have just walked out of the home as I felt I just cannot cope. I had no idea where I was going or what I would do - I just had to run away.
When I am thinking rationally I know in my heart that I do not want to die - I have SO much to live for. I have the most amazing two children (7 & 9) and a wonderful Husband and extended family. I have no trauma in my life and we have no financial or other worries. I have no idea why I feel so desperately sad and unable to cope with life.
I have never had a regular cycle or frequent periods and I haven't experienced a period for some years, just occasional spotting, but again, not for some time.
I don't sleep very well and spend most of my nights tossing and turning and will wake frequently. I also regularly experience uncontrollably itchy skin particularly at night.
I have also noticed that sometimes when at my lowest points - my chest is quite sore and occasionally I have abdominal/period type like pain/discomfort.
In recent months I have found work hard - due to lack of concentration, inability to make decisions/action things and a constant lethargy/absolutely nothing in the tank/complete exhaustion.
I have also been concerned about my poor memory for some time.
After an episode where I walked out of the family home again this weekend (not as a result of an argument or anything like that but simply because of the uncontrollable sadness and rage and not being able to cope) I finally saw the Dr yesterday who has put me on anti-depressants. I have also asked if she thought this is hormonal and whether it might have anything to do with the menopause - so I have had some blood taken today to be tested and I am awaiting the results.
I am desperate for help and feel as if I am completely loosing the plot.
The depression is affecting all aspects of my life and that of my family. It is absolutely debilitating.
My apologies for this long post but I should be grateful for any observations/advice, and in particular if any of what I describe has been experienced by other forum members.
Thank you for reading.
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My goodness, you are young to be going through all this. Afraid I cannot give you much help, can only empathise as I spent a few years with those feelings, previously I had PND (25 years ago) but other than that not really 'depression' as such. I had no idea how bad I was until now that I feel so much better. I started my AD's last December and increased the dose in February, here we are now in June and I feel so much better, it was a steady improvement and I have also changed my diet to more healthy eating. We are all different though, and what works for one certainly does not for all, many of the ladies here are far better for taking HRT.
Sure some of the others will be around soon with better advice, take care :bighug:
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You sound so like how I feel nejon12, its probably perimenopause but this can also exacberate existing mental health problems so you may be battling with both . Go to your gp as much as you need to and get all the help you can and need. Hopefully you will get some help and as the other ladies have said keep posting you will find lots of help and knowledge on here. Take care xc
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Hi Nejon 12
Do you absolutely have to have the mittens, anxiety and depression are known side effects especially if you have a tendency to be sensitive to hormones which is why I won't have one. Just a thought. Wishing you well x
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Please forgive me, but what are mittens?
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And thank you all for the very supportive replies.
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Hi Nejon12
I think that might be mirena!
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Hi Nejon12
I thought I would introduce myself - I too, feel like you do. With the irritability, mood swings, feelings of can't cope, etc and having also had depression/mini breakdown before, know this feels different.
My children are aged 6 and 7, and I have a brilliant husband, but sometimes, this peri-menopause makes me feel lost.
I know how you feel and this site is brilliant to meet others who are going through exactly the same. You will always get a sympathetic ear and you'll never be alone.
There are lots of ladies who take HRT, some who take AD's and some, like me, take both!
I hope your GP is testing you for thyroid, vit d defiency, etc.
How long have you had the mirena fitted?
Take care.
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Sorry it's the predictive text, I meant mirena
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Thank you so much for you supportive and helpful post.
May I ask - how was your perimenopause diagnosed? And at what age?
Thank you also for the points about thyroid etc - I have wondered about these before but had forgotten about them while at the Drs this week.
Hi Nejon12
I thought I would introduce myself - I too, feel like you do. With the irritability, mood swings, feelings of can't cope, etc and having also had depression/mini breakdown before, know this feels different.
My children are aged 6 and 7, and I have a brilliant husband, but sometimes, this peri-menopause makes me feel lost.
I know how you feel and this site is brilliant to meet others who are going through exactly the same. You will always get a sympathetic ear and you'll never be alone.
There are lots of ladies who take HRT, some who take AD's and some, like me, take both!
I hope your GP is testing you for thyroid, vit d defiency, etc.
How long have you had the mirena fitted?
Take care.
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Ah yes, now that makes sense.
Thank you.
Hi Nejon12
I think that might be mirena!
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Thank you so much for your supportive reply.
I am very pleased to hear the anti-d's are working for you. I am sure they will for me too but I know it can take a couple of weeks or so before feeling the benefits.
My goodness, you are young to be going through all this. Afraid I cannot give you much help, can only empathise as I spent a few years with those feelings, previously I had PND (25 years ago) but other than that not really 'depression' as such. I had no idea how bad I was until now that I feel so much better. I started my AD's last December and increased the dose in February, here we are now in June and I feel so much better, it was a steady improvement and I have also changed my diet to more healthy eating. We are all different though, and what works for one certainly does not for all, many of the ladies here are far better for taking HRT.
Sure some of the others will be around soon with better advice, take care :bighug:
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Thank you for you helpful reply. In response - I have the mirena to help manage my endometriosis and it that regard it has been very good indeed.
Your observations are helpful as it has reminded me that I should take this matter up with my GP and discuss what alternatives there may be for my endometriosis if the coil is a likely cause of my present struggles.
Hi Nejon 12
Do you absolutely have to have the mittens, anxiety and depression are known side effects especially if you have a tendency to be sensitive to hormones which is why I won't have one. Just a thought. Wishing you well x
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Sparkle - thank you for your helpful and supportive reply.
I can see that this is a good place for info and support and I am sure will prove invaluable to me.
I am sorry to here you have, and continue to struggle, and that it affected your most recent holiday.
Hi Nejon12 - welcome to MM and please excuse the quick reply (supposed to be working!).
What you describe sounds so familiar and quite possibly hormone related so it's good to hear your GP is listening to you and checking hormone levels.
Just wanted to say you are certainly not alone - keep posting and you will get a lot of support on here. So many knowledgeable ladies who can help and plenty of us who completely understand what you're going through.
I've had terrible anxiety, irrational rages, moods swinging from high to low and back again as part of this journey - even on holiday a couple of weeks ago I wanted to run away so that I didn't have to pretend I was enjoying myself. It was awful.
We're all here to help and support.
S x
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thank you for your helpful and supportive reply.
I hope that in the not too distant future I will have a bit more insight into what is going on with me.
You sound so like how I feel nejon12, its probably perimenopause but this can also exacberate existing mental health problems so you may be battling with both . Go to your gp as much as you need to and get all the help you can and need. Hopefully you will get some help and as the other ladies have said keep posting you will find lots of help and knowledge on here. Take care xc
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Oh Neon, please have a gentle hug, its horrible feeling as you do, the only thing is that at least coming on here you know you aren't the only one feeling that way. You may just need a little extra help in the form of some HRT or your GP might suggest counselling or CBT. The fact that you have so much going for you doesn't actually help when you are feeling low and isolated, in fact sometimes it can actually make things seem worse, I know I felt guilty as if by feeling low I was dragging everyone else down, so would paste on a smile which in retrospect probably fooled no one and try at playing happy families but its a lonely place.
There is always someone on here to have a chat too, and I hope you soon get the right treatment which will help you feel stronger .
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Nejon12 , Evelyn is right its really frightening when your not expecting the menopause and the feeling it can bring of sheer terror and dread, but your nit alone lots of us on here understand what your going through there's nearly always someone on the forum . Do you have the number of your local crisis team dont be afraid to ring them if you need to
big hug xx
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Hi Nejon12
I started having irregular periods in 2010 and went to see a female GP to ask about menopause. My Mum went through it at 28. The GP practically laughed in my face, I was 39 at the time. I carried on having a weird cycle and went back to see a male GP in 2013. I had blood tests, FSH and LH I think, and told me I had premature ovarian failure. Basically this is a early - menopause under 40.
So here I am still trying to get myself sorted. My biggest mistake was coming off a HRT last year at another GP's suggestion and I haven't been right ever since.
My plan is to get consistency with my new HRT regime and then come off my AD's.
My main symptoms are overthinking, ruminating, crying, mood swings, low mood and energy.
What AD are you on?