Menopause Matters Forum
General Discussion => New Members => Topic started by: DownDillie on April 06, 2016, 02:08:44 PM
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Hi all - I've recently joined the forum though have been browsing the site for a week or two now - before that I didn't know it existed - what a find it's been!
I am 52 and I think I would be classed as post-menopause - haven't had a period for over 3 years. However I haven't had a recent blood test. Up until recently, I've been coping pretty well with mostly physical symptoms such as hot flushes, poor sleep pattern etc. It comes and goes as well, I can have weeks where nothing happens at all.
My problem more recently is low moods - not just low moods but really really low moods. I don't know how to handle these. My heart starts racing, I start pacing up and down and I feel like there is a fist clenching my chest hard. I anxiously and restlessly review all my mistakes since I was about 16 - there are loads - and reach the conclusion that all my decisions are rubbish, I am a bad mother, a terrible wife, and a pretty poor daughter/sister. I am weak pathetic person. To be honest, these conclusions are not unfair, I feel I have been sleep-walking through life not properly considering anything and failing to make decisions when I should.
Sometimes, I am driving home from work and the feeling just gets heavier and heavier. I am tempted to turn the car around and head for the motorway and just drive anywhere at all, so I can be alone. The clenched fist in my chest just gets tighter and tighter. I feel I want to run away from everyone, including my children who are now all adults but mostly at home, even though I love them unconditionally.
Before the menopause, I was occasionally given to low moods but nothing like this. I've always been indecisive but now I examine every decision, however trivial, both before and after it's made and berate myself if I think it was the wrong one. I worry excessively about things that don't really matter at all.
I think the retrospection is the worst part though. This can be kicked off by a photo or by reading a comment I've made years ago or just remembering something. I then launch myself into the self-flagellation process described above.
I am not sure if these problems are due to the menopause or due to my life situation. I have been unhappy in my marriage for many years but have never been able to bring myself to end it, upsetting the whole family in the process. I know I need to do something about it, for my own sanity, and I think this whole situation is part of my problem.
But I don't know, because these incredibly low moods are new and very painful.
I have booked an appointment with my GP and will discuss it with her. But I don't really know what to discuss. Do I explain everything I've just said above (I will end up crying, as I am now). Do I ask for blood tests and recommendations for HRT, which so far I've not considered? It would be so nice to feel 'normal' again and so nice to get an unbroken night's sleep. It would be nice to just be able to think straight again without heading off down the corridor-of-doom each time.
Many thanks to anyone has read all this and can offer any advice. I feel better just having written it down.
xx
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Hi DownDillie,
I'm fairly new to the forum myself but have found it very helpful and interesting. I tend to type my problem into the search engine and it brings up lots of threads on that subject.
I suffer with anxiety, so there are lots of threads about anxiety (people suffering from the racing heart like yourself) and lots of threads on low moods.
I can sympathise with the low moods as experiencing that myself. Just awful it is and like you say, worrying over things and I too feel like 'running away'!
I'm in peri menopause but I understand menopause is when you haven't had a period for one year but I have read lots on here about people still suffering after the menopause. A lot of the women take HRT and I'm sure someone will be along to advise you on that.
If I was you, I would print off what you just typed on here and hand it to your Dr to read if you feel saying it out loud will make you emotional. I notice a lot of the ladies on here are prescribed anti depressants etc, so hopefully your Dr will advise the best course of action for you.
Hope you feel some relief soon.
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Hi, just want to welcome you
Firstly I just want to send you a massive hug and that I totally understand all the feelings you describe except the no sleeping, I'm totally opp, I could sleep 24/7 and still feel I hadn't slept
I suggest you be totally honest with your gp, if you can't, print off what you've just typed (or write it down) and give it to her
Just keep posting, this forum has been a life-line to me and such a help! You will get loads of support and excellent advice
M x
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You poor soul, I am so glad you found the forum as now things needn't seem so bleak. Just sharing how you are feeling and hearing others say they understand helps so much.
I have been through marriage problems myself when our children were younger (now all grown with families of their own). I can remember driving and wondering how it would be to drive into a brick wall.
We got help and survived and moved on and we will have been married 40 years this year but it was horrible at the time.
I take anti depressants and am having therapy now for things that happened when I was very small, things that I didn't even know mattered. It is making a lot of difference and I am hoping my 60s will give me back years that I have lost with a new quality of life.
Browse round and don't be shy, just join in wherever you want to. It's good to have you here :welcomemm:
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:welcomemm:
Glad you found us ,you seem to have a few issues to tackle on your plate,you have already started to identify some of them yourself. Maybe the gp can get you some cbt to start with. Have you thought of marriage guidance ? Hope you find some peace of mind soon.
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Hi, DownDillie. Welcome! If you read around, you'll see you're in good company here. Although we each have a different life story, it seems like many of us struggle with feelings of anxiety or depression or plain old getting stuck in our own thoughts with doom and gloom. I think enough of us are experiencing this for the first time in our lives, that it's no coincidence and it must relate to our physical changes. Do talk to your gp. You could mention hrt, but as others said, therapy and/or antidepressants may be a good options too. Keep us posted as to what your gp suggests and how you come along. It's always nice to see what worked for somebody.
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Downdillie, welcome to MM!
I'm sorry you have been feeling so down, I know it's not easy when you have relationship problems and all the other stresses of life.
You are obviously feeling depressed and anxious about your situation but that does not mean you are suffering with a depressive illness. I don't suffer from depression but apparently there is "I'm depressed but I don't know why" and "I'm depressed and I could write a book about why" which are two different things, I think. However, I stand to be corrected by others on here.
Firstly, if you haven't had a period for that length of time then you are post menopause. My advice would be to start on a low dose HRT and see if you feel better after a few months. If you feel better in yourself but are still depressed about your circumstances but can cope then job done but if not then you might need an AD as well. Lots of members are on both and do very well.
If you feel down and suffer with low moods, I would suggest you steer clear of synthetic hormones as much as you can and would recommend you ask for bio identical Oestrogen gel (1 pump everyday) and Utrogestan for a few days each month which is a micronised progesterone that has fewer side effects than the synthetic variety. This does mean having periods again but I fear you could struggle with a continuous combined form of HRT because they contain synthetic progesterone which is notorious for causing low moods.
I hope your GP will agree to your trying HRT, I really think it could help as a first port of call before trying ADs.
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Hi i also new here and yes it is helping loads. i also tap into a site called no more panic because i suffer with anxiety and that also helps.. Hope this site will help you:)
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Thanks everyone for the welcome and the advice. I'm so glad I found this place because up until now it's been hard to find anywhere that has any real experiences and real advice.
I need to read up a bit more about HRT. It's interesting what Mary G has said about synthetic hormones. I don't want to take anything that would cause more low moods. That's precisely what I want to cure. I will see what the GP recommends and take it from there - meanwhile I will do a lot more reading up online.
I will also take a look at the nomorepanic website - I've googled things like 'help me get out of my low mood' so many times in the last few months but never managed to find anything that was able to help. I've also downloaded some self-help books on my kindle - ones that are designed to help you manage your emotions. But I can't help thinking the problem is more physical than psychological. Or at least the physical problems are exacerbating the situation.
I will also have a bigger rummage through these forums because reading about everyone's experiences is so valuable :).
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Hello there. I'm new too ;D
I think HRT could be just what you need to help you feel a bit more like yourself, and then I expect everything else will be easier to deal with too.
I expect many of us will recognise a tendency to be self critical - it can be a difficult habit to break. I've just read a book called A Fearless Heart by Thupten Jinpa which is about compassion. I've found it really enlightening and it might be worth a look. I guess I'm saying I think you should be kinder to yourself. You're here, you have lot going on and its tough. Sending love and light. X
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Thanksa Oon so much for your kind words of support.
I've been fine for a little while but now have hit rock-bottom again. I went to see the GP last week and she really didn't help much, even though she is around the same age as me. I'm not sure I handled it all very well, as I got upset.
I know my situation is complicated. It's not just the menopause, it's marriage problems as well. And my husband has a 'drink problem' (always has). I think I am coming to a crossroads in my life where I need to make some decisions. But I also think that the crippling low moods are physical primarily.
Today was awful. I had that vice-grip around my heart, my bowels turned to water, I have a raging thirst and my mood was so low I had no idea what to do. Lots of pacing and heavy sighing, guilty feelings, shame, despair. I was out in the garden, potting up my seedlings - this is normally one of my favourite activities which brings me such contentment - the garden was warm and sunny with lots of plants coming up. Today, I had to fight back tears and at one point, on my way to the tip in the car, I let out a howl because I had to somehow release the tension.
When I saw the GP, we discussed (briefly) some of the issues and I think she reached the conclusion that it's my marital woes that are the problem. They *are* a problem but they have been for a long long time. She suggested anti-depressants which I am not keen to try as an initial step. I asked her about counselling and she gave me a self-referral form for talking therapies locally. She said they don't do blood tests for oestrogen levels etc because there's no point - I am post-menopausal. I asked about HRT - she seemed to think that roughly 4-years post-last-period was a bit late to be starting. I asked her what sort of HRT she would prescribe if I wanted it and she 'I don't know, it's been so long since I've prescribed any'.
So not very encouraging.
After today, I think I need to try something. I think I am best to choose a different GP in the practice, be better prepared this time and ask for their recommendations.
Any suggestions or advice welcome.
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Hello DownDillie.
A lot of what you say resonates with me and we share some experiences as I've often yelled or cried to release the tension.
I wanted to add that I hadn't had a period for three years and was soldiering on when the really intense anxiety started. I felt a severe and constant shaking sensation in my chest/stomach which would last all day but miraculously disappear about 9 pm only to resume the next day. One lady on the forum described it as if she‘d swallowed a large vibrating phone. I struggled on like this for 6 months before going to my GP and starting HRT. Two weeks later the vibrating stopped and although I still have anxiety issues I haven't experienced anything so extreme since. Coincidentally my GP was also of the belief that the worst is always over after 3 period free years but he accepted that this is not the case for everyone.
I hope you can get the proper treatment as feeling better will allow you to make the right decisions in the future.
Wishing you well and take care.
K.
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Hello Downdillie
Aw, you sound like you're really suffering right now, with big decisions to make on top of your symptoms.
If it's any consolation I have a positive story to share - I can understand fully your feelings of regret etc, I've been there myself. A few months ago I felt myself slipping down and down into a black hole of paranoia, regret, self hate (I hated everyone else too! ::)) I found little things immensely irritating, I couldn't sleep, I was causing rows with my hubby. I was a mess.
I'm your age, and had been on one type of HRT which was obviously not helping any more, I recognised the symptoms as a pretty SEVERE version of PMS, which pretty much didn't let up :(.
Anyway, I finally threw myself at the mercy of my GP - and long story short, here I sit now, feeling about 90% better!!!!
I changed my HRT, I was lacking oestrogen, I now use fully bio-identical hormone replacement plus a low dose of sleeping meds and I have found a solution to my hormonal imbalance and now my mood is just fine!!
There is light at the end of the tunnel DownDillie, you've been going through the mill, and you need time to gently get back to 'you' as far as possible anyway! :) and if was me I would consider holding off making any huge decisions about your future until such time as you can get your hormonal imbalance put right. Hang in there! :)
This forum is great. Its been a great source of support for lots of us on here.
I wish you the best of luck! x
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Don't know how I missed sending you a :welcomemm:: not all my 'show unread posts' show up!
Make a list of your symptoms. Browse round here, make notes. Check on your local GP Surgeries to see if any Doctors have specific interest in female problems. If necessary, change surgeries ;-).
Maybe Bgin a separate thread in Private area about your husband's drinking?
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DownDillie, one of the most shocking things for me in dealing with menopause is my inability to handle stress like I could before. I've always had a stressful life, been a hardworker, overworked, lacking security financially, emotionally, etc. I had had mostly mild meno symptoms for awhile, but I suddenly couldn't handle any stress at all. The odd part was that my life was more secure in every possible way than it ever has been since I was a child. So, while I'm sure whatever is going on in your life could be a factor, for me it was the difference in my ability to cope that made me decide to seek help. Luckily, my doctor did ask about stress, but determined there was nothing new or unusual in my life to cause these feelings. Since starting on hrt, things have improved exponentially. I still have a lower tolerance for stress, which I hope with time will improve. I would consider seeking another doctor if your gp won't entertain hrt and doesn't even give a real reason not to try.
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Mum did tell me after Dad died in 2006 that she no longer wanted to deal with anyone else's problems :-\
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Sorry to hear things are so tough just now Downdillie, but I'm sure there is light ahead. I agree with Clovie - get back to feeling like you first of all and then tackle the other stuff.
For what its worth I'd push your GP to try HRT. When I went on it it made a big difference. It might not do the same for you but its got to be worth a try? And if your GP is not up for that then change your gp ;D
Good luck. Be gentle with yourself.
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Hi everyone,
Thanks so much for your advice - it really helps. I've never been much of a talker, I find it so hard to talk about anything. I think this has contributed a lot to my problems.
Yesterday I had a brilliant day, worked really hard and got loads done. Felt great apart from a bit of tension in my chest to begin with. Today, it's back, the crunching weight in my chest together with digestive woes and general despair. In tears.
I will go back and look for HRT, so I can get back on some kind of even keel.
I am also trying a Mindfulness book / audio which I hope will help me deal with the terrible cycle of anguish / self-recrimination / panic etc.
Gotta go, am already late getting ready for work but thanks again, I'll report back.
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You did too much! 1 needs to pace one-self ::). Half a day at a time, if you feel good don't do TOO MUCH! I had to learn …. to enjoy the good ;)
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Hi Downdillie
A belated :welcomemm: - have been on holiday - and I never look at unread posts - if I've been away, I just go to the boards and only go back a few ie look at the latest posts otherwise I would never get anything else done!
I just agree with everything everyone has said.
During peri-menopause it is the extreme fluctuating hormones which cause the symptoms, but post-menopause it is the ongoing lack of oestrogen that causes different symptoms - and may well be the cause of your continuing low mood. Some women will "sail through" menopause - as some like to say - but this does not mean you will never experience symptoms of oestrogen deficiency.
So - you may well have problems in your life - but your low mood makes you less able to tackle them and feel that everything is hopeless. As has probably been said already - if you take oestrogen and your mood lifts, you will feel better physically and then you will be mentally better equipped to concentrate on what you need to do to sort out your issues and problems, hopefully without despairing. So yes I would sort this out first - and the therapies and strategies to deal with anxiety reap benefits for many women - judging by the reports on here - rather than medicating them with anti-depressants (if there is no underlying deep cause for the depression mentioned by some women).
Look at the section on the above menu labelled Treatments and ask away - and yes - CHANGE YOUR GP!!! That advice is completely incorrect and I am flabbergasted that your GP says it is so long since she prescribed any! How many women is she doing an injustice to through this I wonder?
Also you are only 52 (I think I read). I was still having periods at this age. Look at the section on risks and benefits of HRT here http://www.menopausematters.co.uk/balance.php \ and you will see that under 60 the benefits outweigh the risks.
I agree with resuming a cycle - OK you will have to put up with a bleed and a bit of hormonal up and down again - but if it lifts your mood for most of the time - then it has to be worth it. I am 62 and use a 50 mcg oestrogen patch (Estradot) together with Utrogestan taken 12 days every two months - and this suits me fine - have been on this regime more or less for 9 years.
Go for it - you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Hurdity x :)
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Thanks so much Hurdity (and all who have posted) - this forum is so wonderful, such a supportive warm and knowledgeable place.
I have booked an appointment at the same surgery but with a different GP. I will do some more reading up and go in with a more informed and determined attitude this time. I get the impression the whole practice is anti-HRT so if this next visit doesn't work, I shall look for help elsewhere. There doesn't seem to be a menopause specialist there - probably because they want you to just 'get on with it'.
I don't mind having a monthly bleed again if it means my moods stay more stable - these very low moods are very scary and it's very hard to talk myself out of them, primarily because they seem to originate in a physical way. God, I'm so mixed up at the moment.
I am taking other steps to improve my well-being as well but I do think HRT is the way to go. Will do a lot more reading over the weekend.
Thanks again, it is such a relief to unburden myself to people who understand :).
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If the whole practice is anti HRT then they are doing women a disservice and if they lack the expert knowledge and unbiased view then they are duty bound to refer you to somewhere/someone that does. You can see if there is a menopause clinic in your area by looking under "Specialists" (very top menu in blue).
Good luck with the different doc and keep us posted :)
Hurdity x
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Hi again everyone,
I've been lucky and have just had another couple of 'good' days - if life was always like this I would not be going down the HRT route at all :). What this has confirmed to me is that these low moods are not depression.
With regard to HRT, I saw a different GP earlier in the week. She was not terribly well-up on the bio-identical HRT options but I said that I would like to try Oestrogel and Utrogestan. She has suggested that as it's such a long time since I've had a period it would be a better idea to try continuous HRT to begin with. She was very happy to prescribe whatever I thought would suit me and spent a couple of days looking at options so she was clear on what was appropriate.
I've agreed to try Oestrogel (Sandrena sachets) and Utrogestan 1mg for 25/28 days. I don't know how I will get on with this but I think it's worth a try. I don't know if I will react badly to Progesterone but I never had any problems when using the contraceptive pill.
If I find this regime doesn't work well I can try changing things but I'm going to give this a go for the next 3 months and then review things. I am going to keep a brief journal keeping track of my moods and general wellbeing so I know how things are working out.
Meanwhile, I am working on Mindfulness to stop myself falling into a pit of despair when I'm feeling down. I have bought: 'Mindfulness: A practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world' by Prof. Mark Williams. This is an eight-week programme with audio recordings of mindfulness meditations to practise. Again, worth a try :).
Let me know if you think the above HRT plan is not a good idea or if you have anything else I need to wary of before setting off on my HRT journey! And can I say a big THANK YOU once again to everyone who has replied on this thread - all the advice and support has been invaluable and I am so grateful.
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Hi downdillie
I've only just joined this forum today and read your post. I don't have any words of wisdom or if I did I've forgotten them lol. Just wanted to give you a big hug (hug ) xxx
It's so good to have somewhere to come to and have likeminded people to discuss menopause symptoms with and feel "normal" instead of thinking you're going a bit loopy xxx
I'm sure you will get there in the end , just keep talking about it and asking for help whenever you feel up to it and wherever you can xx
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Hi Downdillie
Sorry I've only just read your post - haven't been on the forum much recently due to being away and busy!
Firstly brilliant news that you've managed to get oestrogel and utrogestan!! What a breakthrough - I presume you have started the HRT by now? What I would have suggested would be to start low ie with less than one sachet (not sure how much you have been prescribed - because as it's 3 years since your last period your body has been starved of oestrogen. Then gradually bild up if necessary. I also would have suggested starting with a cycle only to get used to the oestrogen before introducing the progesterone. However I can understand why the doc suggested continuous combined - although you might get some breakthrough bleeding initially especially if use a higher dose of oestrogen.
Hopefully you will begin to feel better physically as each week goes by and then you will be mentally better able to cope with the difficulties you mentioned earlier and able to make a plan of what to do next while you are feeling more upbeat?
Please let us know how you are getting on and sorry your post got missed! There are so many - when I come onto the forum I probably only get to about a quarter of them randomly!
Hurdity x
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Hi Downdilley
You are discribing me to a t!! Have not had a period for 3 years and very suddenly my moods went downhill and I got anxious!! Went to the GP who put me on Evorel conti patches. Had my ups and downs on them and now wanting to switch to non synthetic type as my moods have plumeted again. Let me know how you get on with what the gp prescribed for you please.
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Firstly brilliant news that you've managed to get oestrogel and utrogestan!! What a breakthrough - I presume you have started the HRT by now? What I would have suggested would be to start low ie with less than one sachet (not sure how much you have been prescribed - because as it's 3 years since your last period your body has been starved of oestrogen. Then gradually bild up if necessary. I also would have suggested starting with a cycle only to get used to the oestrogen before introducing the progesterone. However I can understand why the doc suggested continuous combined - although you might get some breakthrough bleeding initially especially if use a higher dose of oestrogen.
Thanks for the reply Hurdity. I've had the HRT meds sitting in their boxes in my bedroom but have not tried them yet. For some reason, I got cold feet about it. But I decided once and for all that I don't want to go on feeling like this. The tension and anxiety is like a physical pain that I can't relieve. I'm going to give it a try starting today.
I will follow your advice about the reduced dose of oestrogen first. I will try half a sachet in the mornings or possibly 1/4 a sachet each morning and evening, though it won't be easy to regulate that dose. But if I do one sachet over two days, that should work. As for the progesterone, I will try what the doctor suggested for now and see how I feel.
Hopefully you will begin to feel better physically as each week goes by and then you will be mentally better able to cope with the difficulties you mentioned earlier and able to make a plan of what to do next while you are feeling more upbeat?
Please let us know how you are getting on and sorry your post got missed! There are so many - when I come onto the forum I probably only get to about a quarter of them randomly!
Hurdity x
Please don't apologise Hurdity, it's amazing how much help you give on these forums and I for one am very grateful for your advice. I hope that, as you say, once I start feeling better I will be able to cope with dealing with the rest of my life's difficulties.
Thanks so much.
x
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Hi Downdilley
You are discribing me to a t!! Have not had a period for 3 years and very suddenly my moods went downhill and I got anxious!! Went to the GP who put me on Evorel conti patches. Had my ups and downs on them and now wanting to switch to non synthetic type as my moods have plumeted again. Let me know how you get on with what the gp prescribed for you please.
Hi Clare,
Sorry to hear you are having the same horrible moods and anxiety, it's hard to deal with isn't it?
I am about to start the HRT today - I will definitely be back to let everyone know how I get on. I really really hope that it works.
I am also going to start an 8-week mindfulness meditation programme (from a book) to see if that helps me prevent the spirals of despair, as I expect the HRT to take a while to kick in.
And I am going to make a more concerted effort to eat healthily and in particular avoid sugary and refined carbs. I know from past experience that I generally feel much better when I eat properly. Likewise, more exercise is needed.
This may mean that if I feel better I won't know 100% what has done it - but I don't care, I just want to feel better :).
x
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Hi DownDillie, following my message to you a week or so ago, I am happy to report that my side effects have really improved. Still feel slightly anxious, at worst when I wake up, but not on a daily basis. My mood has lifted considerably too. What HRT did your Dr put you on in the end?
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Sounds like a good plan DownDillie - keep us posted :) .
Hurdity x
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Hi everyone,
Just thought I'd post a brief update - I've been taking HRT for nearly a week now and it's too early to notice any impact. I don't seem to be having any adverse reaction to the Utro - in fact I seem to be sleeping slightly better but this might be co-incidental because I am very tired lately anyway. Need to try to get to bed earlier.
I've been feeling OK all week but today I have what I call my 'heart-anxiety' back where my heart seems to be running fast and I don't just don't feel right. But my mood seems fairly steady :).
Hurdity - a question if you are reading this - I started taking just half the dose of Sandrena every day, as you suggested. How long should I do this for before I move on to taking the full dose, which is 1.0mg?
I am keeping a log of how I feel every day - hopefully it will all start improving over the next few weeks.
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Hello DownDillie! I'm so glad you'll be getting some relief. I don't have the experience to advise you on bumping that dose, but did want to mention something about your mood log. I started my mood log with too many details. Really mine is just a calendar, but I was writing if I felt anxious, sad, fair, very well, headcaches, hotflashes, tired, etc. In looking back it was too much information to decipher what was going on. Plus some days I had multiple moods. I changed to color coded dots on the calendar, blue for an overall bad day (be it depressed, anxious, tired, not myself) or green for an overall good day. I could have a bad moment on a green day but still call it green. I add a red dot if I had hot flashes and an orange dot if I had a headache. This has made it so much easier for me to see at a glance a pattern and that the hrt is helping overall, especially if I have a bad day where I feel like there are no good days. Sorry for the long explanation. Maybe this is how everyone logs their moods, but it took me a bit to figure how to make it work for me.
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Sorry for the long explanation. Maybe this is how everyone logs their moods, but it took me a bit to figure how to make it work for me.
Hi Lizab, Thanks so much for the explanation. At the moment I am keeping a spreadsheet with a score out of 10 for various categories - the things that I want to see an improvement in mainly. The higher the overall score the better I am doing. I also keep comments to clarify anything. I will stick with that for now but I like your coloured dots idea very much so I think I will add those in as an overall view of the day.
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Hi all - been away for a while without proper access to tinternet.
I have now been taking HRT for nearly two weeks and I'm feeling pretty good. It's too early to judge properly and also I've been away from home and all things stressful which is obviously going to affect my mood. Apart from the day of travel (flying anywhere always makes me a bit jittery) I haven't had any heart-panicky-anxiety feelings in the past week.
At the moment I am taking half a Sandrena 1mg gel every day and a 100mg Utro tablet. I don't think the Utro is having too bad an effect on me thus far. I am having digestive problems - very bloated, sore tummy, bowels don't know if they are coming or going, but I am hoping they are temporary side-effects. My tummy feels like an inflated balloon, not nice, living in leggings.
I also have quite sharp pains in my sides, not sure if these are my ovaries complaining or what. I can also get quite sleepy during the day but I know I am often taking the Utro too late at night. Hopefully I can make this earlier, as well as getting to bed earlier, which is part of my overall plan anyway.
Hurdity or anyone who has done this - I am taking half the dose of oestrogen as you suggested but I am unsure when to move on to taking the full dose - can you let me know what you think on this? I will ask this question on the main utro/oestrogel thread if you don't get around to reading this thread :).
Overall I would say it's looking promising so far :)
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Hi Downdillie
I've been on holiday - but I'm surprised none of the gel users have replied to your question? I don't use gel as I probably said but the same principle applies to any form of oestrogen if women are sensitive ie a sudden increase can cause temporary adverse symptoms eg nausea or headache (not sure about other pains etc - may be tender breasts?). We can't advise in your case but if you haven't got any obvious symptoms ( the digestive problems may well be due to the Utrogestan) then why not increase soon? Bloating can be an effect of progestogens particularly and I'm not sure if this settles - only time will tell. I only take it on a cycle and vaginally so I only notice a transient, minor effect of a little bloating.
Let us know how you get on and hope you enjoy(ed) your holiday! I feel exactly the same about flying - that is quite normal :)
Hurdity x
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Hi DownDillie
I like you have just joined as I don't know how to get some much needed support and very well done for writing it all down it takes courage but you feel so much better for having done it it sure is a brilliant start.
A lot of the things you describe I can so relate to all the examining things from the past all of a sudden and beating ourselves up for decisions we made, a lot of which fill me with regret guilt and make me feel hopeless which impact on the low mood racing heart and anxiety.
Sometimes when my mood is not as low I have to mentally give myself a good talking to telling myself there is nothing there for me in the past it's done and gone so let it go the things I'm obsessing about and keeping alive are only hurting me and if those hurts involve other people those other people are getting on with their lives with no clue as to how we are being affected and hurt which stops us being able to function, so I tell myself to let it go and pitch my tent on a new fresh green piece of grass and start the journey again instead of camping on the old dead ground where the Daisy's don't grow. Easier said than done but I constantly try to tell myself positive things, because when I get in one of my indecisive moods it affects every part of my life I can't even decide what I want to eat, drink or wear it's horrible.
I feel envious of everything and everyone because I get into such a bad place I think everyone is better than me I'm totally worthless and the world is out to get me.
I think just knowing that others feel the same at this stage in our lives where our hormones are off the wall all the physical changes we are going through and the vulnerability it brings, it's just so reassuring to be able to share and get comments back from people who genuinely understand. It's a lifeline😍 I so look forward to getting replies from anyone xx
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We can't advise in your case but if you haven't got any obvious symptoms ( the digestive problems may well be due to the Utrogestan) then why not increase soon? Bloating can be an effect of progestogens particularly and I'm not sure if this settles - only time will tell. I only take it on a cycle and vaginally so I only notice a transient, minor effect of a little bloating.
Let us know how you get on and hope you enjoy(ed) your holiday! I feel exactly the same about flying - that is quite normal :)
Hurdity x
Hi Hurdity - thanks so much for your reply and I hope you had a good break as well. I had a lovely relaxing time but of course came home to the same old problems.
Having said that, I had a great day today, felt like my old self, I would almost have called myself bubbly ;D.
I have not had any headaches or any other side-effects from the oestrogen - I am sure the digestive stuff is the Utro, from what I've read. So I'll increase the Sandrena to one pack of gel a day, half in the morning, half in the evening and see how I get on.
I'll report back in due course.
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..... so I tell myself to let it go and pitch my tent on a new fresh green piece of grass and start the journey again instead of camping on the old dead ground where the Daisy's don't grow. Easier said than done but I constantly try to tell myself positive things, because when I get in one of my indecisive moods it affects every part of my life I can't even decide what I want to eat, drink or wear it's horrible.
I feel envious of everything and everyone because I get into such a bad place I think everyone is better than me I'm totally worthless and the world is out to get me.
I think just knowing that others feel the same at this stage in our lives where our hormones are off the wall all the physical changes we are going through and the vulnerability it brings, it's just so reassuring to be able to share and get comments back from people who genuinely understand. It's a lifeline😍 I so look forward to getting replies from anyone xx
Hi v29boo - you have summed up beautifully in your post exactly the sorts of things that I have been going through. I like your 'pitch your tent' bit, that makes sense and it's a good analogy. Thing is, that when we are feeling relatively upbeat, we can rationalise our way through these thoughts but when it's a really down day, nothing works, absolutely nothing works. It's a matter of waiting for the horrible feelings to go away and trying to do something useful in the meantime - I find manual work such as weeding, or else going for a long arduous walk, are the best things.
I see you've started your own thread, which is a good idea, keep on posting because everyone on here has such valuable advice.
What I will say is that since starting HRT I have not had any of those terrible down days. Co-incidence maybe, or perhaps a combination of other factors such as confiding in close friends, but something is working!
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Hi DownDillie - your so right about doing a bit of manual work to ease us through the tough times as it would be so easy to curl up under the duvet. I walk a lot and have started a bit of running I'm not great but I'm trying and it helps. It's good to hear the HRT seems to be working, I already feel better having joined this forum I feel I have support and people who understand ❤️
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Hi everyone :)
Thought I'd post an update. I have now been taking HRT for over 5 weeks. During the 3-day break from Utrogestan I didn't have a bleed. But I found that during those three days I felt very anxious again, pounding heart etc.
For the past week or so, I've been experimenting with the timing of the Sandrena gel. Tried taking the 1mg in the morning - I slept much better doing this but felt VERY stressed and anxious all day. Similar results with taking half in the evening, half in the morning. For now I have decided to stop messing about and stick to the same routine until the initial 3 months is up. Which is taking the Utro and Sandrena at night before bed.
I had a spell of feeling much better but I'm feeling quite rubbish again for the past few days. I have what I call 'heart-anxiety' where I feel wound up and stressed for no particular reason. I'm also very tired from poor sleep. I have the whole family at home for the summer and the kids (now all adults) are lounging about the house all day and seemingly expecting me to rustle up dinner when I get home from work. I know I need to tackle all this but I haven't the energy.
The longing to just run away has returned. I want to stop worrying about and caring for everyone else and just look after me. I know that sounds dreadfully selfish but that's how I feel at the moment.
Hopefully, given a few more weeks, I will begin to feel much better and come out of this whole ordeal stronger :).
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Hi there - I could have written your initial post on here.
I am in the same boat, but am waiting an appointment with a physciatrist & a pyschologist. I am feeling better since taking St John's Wort & finding this site & realising that others are feeling similar, so I'm not alone, but I still feel very low & am just walking through a haze of self doubt, depression & totally not knowing where I'm going.
Please keep us updated as I would love to know how you get on with the medications.
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It isn't selfish at all. If you had 'flu, headache, bad back would you keep running round after others ;)
Do you keep a diary of mood/food/symptoms, sorry I can't remember ::)
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Hi downdillie
Just a little suggestion, why don't you ask your kids to take turn about making evening meals? They can then decide what they want to make and you come home to a cooked meal! And whoever made the best meal, presentation, tidying up chooses a takeaway one evening- or something along those lines, a bit like "come dine with me" ... Just an idea and bit of fun
Hugs mxxx
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Thanks for the replies everyone.
I've not had a good week and I've had a bad day today in particular. Feeling very low and a bit spaced out and very anxious. I'm not totally sure why.
CLKD - I am keeping a sort of scorecard of how I am feeling so I can keep track of things. It's been variable so far. Some things improved straight away - I haven't had a hot flush for ages and almost no night sweats. This is good but they were never the reason I decided to take HRT. It was always the moods, the anxiety, the feelings of despair. I think they have improved but I'm still having bad days. I am hoping though that things will improve.
Mardy, I know exactly how you are feeling. It's probably scant consolation but at least you are not alone and there are many of us it seems going through the same sorts of things. You have summed it up well as 'self doubt, depression & totally not knowing where I'm going'. I have the need to escape, I would really like to go somewhere, anywhere for a while. Which is a shame because this is the last summer that all the children will spend at home, they will be off doing their own thing after this :(
Mandz, the children do sometimes make an evening meal but not in any kind of organised way and they will avoid it if they can and so does OH. I just don't want to bothered with it, I'd be happy to just have a slice of toast :P.
We'll see, I'm feeling so low today that I can't really think straight, am going to get an early night for a change. I haven't really put into practice my plans for more sleep, more exercise etc. Not good.
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Delegate. Or tell your OH that he will be taking you all to a very posh restaurant every evening unless and that doesn't include McDonalds!
Maybe all of you should do a batch of cooking for the freezer so that on evenings when you are tired, there's stuff ready to microwave. Or how about 'wiltshire farm foods'-type of delivery service ?