Menopause Matters Forum
General Discussion => This 'n' That => Topic started by: babyjane on March 19, 2016, 10:27:41 AM
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....neither are a strong point of mine. I run scared when I have to front up to someone or I say nothing and a 'situation' arises.
I have to tell my hairdresser of 2 years that I am not happy any more and am going back to my previous stylist at another salon. The trouble is this hairdresser is a neighbour with a local salon and, I suspect, could be perimenopausal herself. Her manner has turned 180 degrees since last October and can be confrontational. She has just given me my third rubbish haircut after doing it so nicely before.
We had an issue last october when I asked for something and she misinterpreted it and once it was done it took 4 months to grow out. It was a modern inverted bob, longer in front and short at the back, on my curly hair which I do not straighten so it didn't work, but she was having none of it and kept pressing that it was what I asked for. I didn't but it's what she heard.
She used to make me an extra long appointment so we could have a gossip and always charged 'mates rates' but something has changed and it is no longer a relaxing or pleasant experience.
Can anyone with natural tact and diplomacy advise me what to say to her as it will soon become obvious someone else is doing my hair ::)
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Hi baby Jane , I was a hairdresser myself prior to what I do now
I'm just wondering why you feel you have to explain yourself to her.......
It's your hair, your money, your choice....
Are you friends, as in socially, with her.......or do you just chat at the salon? X
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I agree - I've had problems locally over the last 8 years >:( ::) …….. the 1st girl nearly drowned me and after the session I had to come straight home and shower with a complete change of clothes. Had I been going 'on somewhere' ?
I went back to another girl at the same place who was OK for a few cuts then she became complacent. Preferred chatting to me rather than concentrating - never went back although the cut was OK-ish.
I had a chap come here who was great but our circumstances changed in that we have the camper so are often out and at it - so waiting for 2 weeks for him to phone back and then wait for him to be in the village wasn't working. We're still mates, I explained our changes and he was fine.
About 12 months ago I went to a nearby town - initially the girl was great, good cut, listened - after 3 sessions she became complacent and I had to go elsewhere to 'rescue' a bad cut >:(. At last I found another saloon closer to home but after 6 months the girl found a job closer to home - great for her but she was SO GOOD ::). This week I had yet another girl who gave me a reasonable cut.
Back to the initial question - whilst your hair cut situation is in your face I doubt if she's thinking about you much ;). If she queries why you don't go tell her that you wanted to explore different salons. If she goes on then put up your hand and tell her that 'this isn't open for discussion, I've made my decision'.
Practice in front of the mirror ;-)
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Oh thank you for your quick reply Mandz. I will answer your questions one at a time
I'm just wondering why you feel you have to explain yourself to her.......
because it's what I do as I have deep issues that I am having therapy for. I always try to smooth the waters so I don't upset people and they won't like me (long story) It is a personality disorder. thanks for inadvertently pointing it out. It could be a useful exercise to try and just say I have decided to go back to my previous stylist.
Are you friends, as in socially, with her.......or do you just chat at the salon? X
I wouldn't even say we are friends. For a while she poured her heart out at the salon about her problems with her son but now she has become very guarded. We greet in the street but don't socialise. She lives next door but one to us.
It is good to explore this in the context of my difficulties so thank you for your input :thankyou:
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Thanks CLKD, I need to develop a thicker skin and stop being so needy!!!
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It's not being needy - it's probably about practicing what you need to say in order to avoid what you perceive as confrontation ;). I have whole conversations in my head prior to difficult situations.
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hm, trouble is the other person is not involved in the 'practise' conversations and can respond completely differently and then I get all tongue tied and try to atone for causing the situation (another long story, I might tell you one day x)
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I don't think the problem will arise ……. it rarely does for me after I've had the conversations in my head ::) - it is hard work to stop people pleasing ::)
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oh how I know xx
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Hi bj, yes I also have the need to explain things, but I really feel all you need to do is go to other salon and enjoy the moment
But if you feel so strongly, buy a thank you card, write in it what you want to say: something like thank u for doing your hair for last couple of years but due to unforeseen circumstances at the moment you will not be able to come into salon for the foreseeable......or anything else that you want to say xxx
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Babyjane - You don't need to say anything to your current hairdresser, just make the appointment with your original one. If she does say anything (unlikely) just say you fancied a change.
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thanks ladies :hug:.
Mandz, the current salon is only 100 yards up the road so I don't think I could say that but I hear you both. I will not say anything for now :)
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Oh I see lol xx :whist:
Yes go with what limpy says, fancied a change
Sending mahoooooosive hugs xx
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I agree with Limpy too. I changed hairdressers some time ago, never told her. She used to be my neighbour. Bumped into her occasionally since & she was fine.
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love the concept of 'mahoosive', need that this morning :thankyou:
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I don't think you need to say anything to her. It was business as in she did you hair and you paid for it. I've been to numerous hairdressers in the past who made a right mess of my hair and I of course never went back a second time. Hairdressers in general are a nightmare.
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I hope it all turns out well for you, babyjane. I know the feeling of not wanting to upset people, but I tell myself it's a fault on the right side :)
Many years ago, my mother experienced this the other way round. She was rather good at changing her mind about things and quite often used to/had to change her hairdresser appointments. On one occasion, she had to change her hair appointment again, only this time, she was refused and was told, by the Italian male owner, not to come back. I still think that was shoddy treatment, to this day, each time I walk past said hairdresser's. Oh, the temptation to go in and put him in his place and tell him that my late Mum was upset by that, and is that the way he treats all his customers? She was a loyal customer and thought a lot of his hairdressing. Yes, I know, he has his schedule to run, but he is providing a service for women and it's a woman's privilege to change her mind, n'est-ce pas? :whist:
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Trouble is with hairdressers, male one more to the point is that they think they are rather special.
I went to my local salon for 10 years. Originally had the owner do my hair but then changed to the manageress who was better and faster too!
She went on maternity leave so another person did my hair. I had to ring to complain as although I had had my roots done I could still see my natural colour which meant she had not put enough dye on. Went back in to see this person who could only tell me she had been a hairdresser for 12 years. Erm so you never have an off day and make a mistake? Whatever happened to customer service I wonder?
Two days later I get a call from the owner, a big fish in a little pond locally. Tells me he has cancelled my appointment as I was "rude to one of his girls". Yes really!! I worked out I had spent over £7k over the years in that miserable salon and that is how I was treated.
Hairdressers eh?
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sounds like the one I left that I am going back to :)
It was when I was struggling to be in the busy town and the local salon I could just walk up the road to. It was half the price too and I got mates rates but you do get what you pay for. It was fine until last October as I explained ::)
No frills, no gimmicks, just good standard hairdressing - it wins every time.
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Just read this thread. I've been in a similar situation. I have had my hair cut by the same man for 20 years. I consider him a friend. I taught his children, seen him through divorce, eventually into a new loving relationship and through lung cancer, giving up smoking and alcohol and so on. He has cut all my family's hair and taken a caring interest in my sons ups and downs when he was younger. So it has been very difficult when he started not to be paying attention. He seemed to be away the fairies and not hearing what I wanted. For me the end was when he decimated my fringe.
I have since tried a new hairdresser (my daughters, so known quantity) and was very pleased. My DH still goes to the old hairdresser. Not much he can do to spoil his luxurious curly locks ( wasted on a man!). His looks great whatever is done to it. I asked DH if he feels awkward, but he grinned and said it was fine. He'll tell him he was a rubbish hairdresser! He will too, as they are good friends and rude to each other! Apparently, he has decided to retire. I suspect, since being so ill, his heart isn't in it now. Sad for me though, as I feel I have deserted him, but at the same time, it's my hair. Ps I didn't get mates rates or expect it. The new hairdressers charges less, which is a bonus.
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I never asked for special rates, it was offered.
I suspect the story is a similar one as I know she wants to sell the salon and go mobile and things aren't working out so maybe it is a similar situation to what you have described Ju Ju
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I'd just go somewhere else. there really is no need to explain. I used to go to a hairdressers regularly for highlights and base colour and it was about £50 but I was pleased with how she did it.
Then I gave up my part time job and felt it was an unnecessary expense TBH. I started colouring it myself. Then my Mums hairdresser retired and the next closest was the one where I used to go so I started taking Mum there. They never said anything and neither did I.
In the meantime I now have a girl who comes to the house and does just the same with the highlights etc and charges me much more. She used to work in a posh local salon so she is very good but is taking a few years off to bring up her small children.
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The old hairdresser, as do others. charge considerably less to cut men's hair. He still had a cut and blow dry. What's that all about? Is it simply that most men won't pay large amounts, but women expect to?
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local salon - £18 wet cut no blow dry
town salon - £27 " " " " "
posh salon - £38-£52 and you have to have cut and blow dry whether you want it or not
posts crossed Ju Ju. Yes, my husband pays his unisex stylist £9 for his wet cut and he gets it dried off too ::)
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I was paying £40 and not at all posh! Much less at the new place and somewhere free to park! And she did what I asked! It's all good and I wish my old hairdresser all the best in his retirement.
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I will report back next week when I have been back to my old salon and the stylist who used to cut my hair.
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Think mahooosive describes a big snugly hug which I thought you might need..... Because sometimes we need to read between the lines of what people say xxxx
And you've sent me hugs when I've needed xxx
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:thankyou: I love cyber hugs.
I am not too good with real life hugs, I am a bit prickly - a 'don't touch me type'
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I used to go to really good hairdresser many moons ago in Glasgow. He was so good but we moved north & I ended up at various places trying to find good one. One I'm now with I've stuck with for coming up to 20 years now. Always a good cut & that's very important. Strangely always been men who were best.
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I paid 20p off £30.00 on Wed., for a wash/cut/blow dry - without 'product'. New girl. She gave my skull a nice massage. It took 1 hour 10 mins. in all.
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I've been going to the same hairdressers for 30 years.
My hairdresser is male and 78 years of age although doesn't look no where near that.
It takes 1hr 15 for C&B and costs £28 and I get a cup of tea thrown in.
I've always been very happy each time I've stepped out of the salon.
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Men train on ladies hair …….. but what's that about, men getting a cheaper cut :-\. I tried to get mine cut with the guy who does DH's but I was pushed into the ladies section. Again, complacency set in >:( so I stopped going there, plus all the girls SMOKED :bang: - not in the place but outside so that ended that arrangement. I will NOT have someone who smokes cut my hair :na:
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Men train on ladies hair …….. but what's that about
Perhaps it's because women usually have longer hair.
Mistakes aren't as obvious..............
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I wrote : "but what's that about, men getting a cheaper cut " : :sigh:
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Ah sorry I misunderstood.
Of course it doesn't matter about the quality of a mans haircut - there's so little of it!
Yes - it really makes sense to train where mistakes don't show up :-\
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I don't agree with you there Limpy. the quality of my husband's haircut is very important to him and that is why he has been going to the same man for many years, even moving with him when he has moved premises.
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Sorry BJ - it was a misguided attempt at humour.
Sill feel it's better for hairdressers to train on a fuller head of hair before they move onto shorter hair where mistakes are more obvious and can't be disguised.
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Hi Limpy, the typed word can be very unforgiving at times can't it? that's partly why I tend to punctuate my posts with the smilies as I have got into bother in the past with misunderstandings ::)
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BJ - I do know what you mean about men being very very particular about haircuts.
My OH gets awful down if his isn't to his liking.
Which can be difficult as he wants his to "look as if it may need a trim next week" ::)
Luckily the hairdresser is used to him - phew.
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Just had my hair done. DH asked me if my teeth were OK! I think, well I hope he was joking! I'm pleased anyway.