Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => Other Health Discussion => Topic started by: Night_Owl on March 08, 2016, 04:19:09 PM
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Never mind 10 years younger!
Seems like I've really aged beyond 53 years, looking much older - had a relatively early meno at 44, the aging process thus kicked in sooner - lost about half my hair so far (+ on-going hair loss), saggy face and jowels, dark eye circles, lost body shape/curves etc etc. Exercise I know is the answer, but it's hard to give a toss with a face / hair like this.
Do you ever feel that no matter what you do - you can't make yourself look or feel presentable anymore, just downright shabby - and the urge to hide away is ever present?
Maybe it's just me not coping with the aging process ... ?
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I have had a struggle to accept that my hair has changed and therefore will not cut or lie like it used to. It is thinner and straighter and the styles I wore in my 30s/40s no longer work as my very honest hairdresser told me this morning as I keep taking out of date photographs to the salon. I miss my thick wavy hair and was horrified the other day to see patches of scalp when I pinned it back and a slight receding hairline.
So I gave myself a good talking to. My health is reasonable, my hair is ok abeit different, my teeth are my own and my skin is good, if a bit creased here and there. I am not overweight and I can scrub up ok if I need to.
I am not in my 30s or 40s and next year I won't be in my 50s either but I have a lot going for me. So I have given myself a year to get my act together and look at what I do have rather than what I don't have and try to embrace my 60s when they arrive in a year's time. After all what's the alternative? I can't turn back time :)
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It's seeing my Mother staring back from the mirror instead of my Dad : as well as sort of knowing that 'old woman in the shop window' scenario ::).
For a few years I had hi-lights or dyed my hair, now it's OK if I get a good cut often because the grey is taken out. I quite like the present colour . One could try 'extensions' for thinning hair? a good hairdresser will give advice.
I don't care for my skin particularly well so am surprised that it maintains it's condition. Both Grannies had good skin ;-).
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I'm lucky that I look a lot younger than my age. I don't always feel it though! I'm almost 62 (in one hours time!) still have blonde hair, bit darker than when I was young (saves a lot on hairdressing costs) reasonable skin, though rosecea has got its grips now. >:( And I have a better figure than at any time of my before. Both my parents look years younger, though Mum has to use a walker. Dad doesn't look over 90. More like his late 70s. Both have shrunk in height. It's all in the genes. I haven't done anything different.
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Today I look about 80 as I feel rubbish, but when I put in the effort with make-up I think I look at least a few years younger, certainly compared to my mum at same age. I get good haircuts every 5 weeks or so. I have fairly thick hair like my mum. I do what I can to keep looking as youthful as I can.
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I have a friend who is 8 years older than me and I remember that from 50 to 55 her face seemed to age 10 years at least but since then ( she is now 62) she hasn't changed much. I think facial ageing goes in sudden stages as when I was in late 30's I remember getting up one morning and seeing the first sagging of the jawline ( oh how I wish it had stayed like that!).
Now at almost 55 I walk around with a permanent slightly manic grin on my face to hold everything up as if I see myself without a smile I look a right miserable old xxxx!
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The trick is to add a few years to your age, then everyone says 'how young you look' 8)
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Apparently when we reach late 70s early 80s though, we want everyone to know how old we are ;D
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Hello Night_Owl.
Many things about my appearance have changed and \ or headed south but as my complexion has lightened I find dark colours make me look washed out so I now wear paler shades next to my face.
Back in the day I was blonde but now my hair is light brown with more and more strands of grey and as hair grows about half an inch a month I've worked out that this time next year I will be sporting a noticeably grey bob.
I don't want to start dyeing it but a lot of grey hair will be hard to accept!
Wishing you well.
K.
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Definitely it is in the genes. In the supermarket I've stood behind elderly women and observed more hair than I've ever had!
My dear departed Mum battled for years with Female Pattern Hair Loss and I know this is my fate too. The week before she passed I remember clearly her saying: "Look at my hair, I look like a mad woman". Aww, makes me sad. However, she did look younger than me when she was the same age (from photographs) - she had much better skin quality, right into her 80s.
If your hair is good then you can make yourself feel and look okay - hair loss can be devastating and confidence sapping. I also have prominent cow licks at the front hairline and back crown - and an unfortunate parting at the back of my head on the left side - when I had more hair, they were less obvious. hmmppffff.
Tiggergirl, have you tried Fade Out cream.
Always I wear make-up but it doesn't seem to make much difference these days, have all manner of cover-up to try and conceal panda rings. When recovering from a migraine the other week, OH commented that I looked like a junkie!
Countrybumpkin, I think you're right there - face aging goes in sudden stages and it has happened dramatically. Maybe grief has played its part too - lost dear Mum in Sept 2014, now supporting elderly, grieving Dad.
CLKD, I have some extensions that I clip on top and sweep hair back over with a crocodile clip - have painfully grown out highlights and now wondering whether to have them re-done as can't stand the grey mixed with dark mousey dreary colour.
It's interesting to share experiences and thoughts on this.
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Speak to several hairdressers about hi/low lights before taking the plunge? My hairdresser would do hi-lights 1st and 3 months later, apply a few low ones …….. there are hair samples to hold against the hair in good saloons to get an idea as to the over-all look.
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Young hairstile as well helps. I do feel for people with thin hair or hair loss, my mother in law bless her had almost no hair left by time she was 90.
I have a photo of me 10 years ago with shortish hair that made me look very frumpy and older, then I grew it into an inverted bob with short back but long at front ( I have very thick hair so this might not be a good style for thin hair) and I look years younger thatn I did 10 years ago, not in my face if you look properly, as thats def aged but my hair hides the age raddled face! I have low lights but let grey show through so it looks as if I am just starting to get a few grey hairs as I found a block colour made me look older as well strangely as it was out of step with my face age.
Still feel a bag over head with eye holes would help though ;D ;D
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I have tried numerous face creams over the years which have promised all sorts until I tried 100% organic Moroccan Argan Oil after washing with Green People unscented face wash. Now it is the only thing I use on my face and hands and it can also be used on hair. My skin has never looked better and the lines are less obvious. My skin clearly got tired of all the additives in the face products. :)
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In the hairdresser that I go to, there are photos of people up to the age of about 40 in magazines. I have offered to 'sit' for a local cameraman if the saloon will arrange it for B4 and after photos - so far, not taken up my offer ;D
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I have tried numerous face creams over the years which have promised all sorts until I tried 100% organic Moroccan Argan Oil after washing with Green People unscented face wash. Now it is the only thing I use on my face and hands and it can also be used on hair. My skin has never looked better and the lines are less obvious. My skin clearly got tired of all the additives in the face products. :)
I have been only using green people products for years. Haven't tried the 100% argon oil though I have read alot of good things about it - wonder if it can undo the existing tram lines!
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well I really don't think I am imagining that my lines are finer. Not only in the mirror but in photographs too. I have been using it for three months now.
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Thanks to All for comments.
Babyjane, does the Argan Oil sink in? - sometimes I use Vitamin E oil and it sits on top of the skin - only at night though as I need a face cream during the day as a base for make-up. Also, does the Argan smell good? I've used the hair oil but never face.
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I always used to look younger than my age. Since starting meno at 35 I've aged rapidly. I've never minded growing older gradually, but I am finding the rapidity of recent changes hard to cope with - it feels like I age a couple of years every month! For the first time in my life, I'm starting to get people thinking I'm older than I am. :(
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:bighug: doesn't matter on here ;-)
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Yay!
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Yes I've found that I seemed to have aged rapidly. Meno at 46 and then the last two years of stress at work and then redundancy have all had an effect. In the last few months the dreaded turkey neck is starting to show. I'm even considering surgery now (can't really afford it), but I'm not ready to be my mother.
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Also battled against early meno and hypothyroidism , but thanks to HRT and levothyroxine I am now at nearly 63 and not doing too bad really.
After years of hair colouring and wonderful help from my hairdresser, I reached the point where all colours/highlights seemed to make my skin look harsh and I allowed the grey to take over. It is now a blend of grey and silver and very weirdly seems to enhance my skin!!! I now call it Silver, not grey, and work to enhance it and I feel good about it.
With grey hair, I have to wear good strong colours and I wear bold coloured jewellery and glasses. Look at people like Christine Lagarde for enhancing silver hair. I try very hard not to dress like a frump, but not as mutton dressed as lamb.
I now feel comfortable with my age and stage, but for me the worst has been the worsening problem with chin hair!!!!
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You have my sympathy with the chin hair. I'm seriously considering abandoning the battle and just growing a nice goatee instead!
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You have my sympathy with the chin hair. I'm seriously considering abandoning the battle and just growing a nice goatee instead!
;D ;D So nice to know I am not alone! I have had a problem since I was young being black haired and developed the full beard problem after my underactive thyroid was diagnosed ( not that that is the cause). I was tested for all the hormone problems like pcos but nope, I am just related to a gorilla ::)
I have very very reactive skin so hair removal cream made me look like a burns victim for a week as did waxing. So it was the trusty old shaver. Recently tried a test patch for laser hair removal and thankfully they did it under my chin as the area went bright red like a traffic light for 4 hrs afterwards so they refused to do it obviously.
Anyone got any other ideas as i feel such a freak with my old mans shaver every day ;)
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Safety in numbers - join me in founding the MM beards club!
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I certainly feel like I have added ten years in the last six months. Hair thinner, my weight seems to have diverted itself from and even spread over body to hovering in three inch space between belly button and pubic bone and I just feel older. I had a bit of a weepy spell in car on hubby this morning and said I don't think I'm going to survive this. Some days I mean that literally but realistically , the me I was has gone these last few months. So much anxiety and pain is draining and destroys a lot of what makes us us.... I think I need to take up drinking again.
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I certainly feel like I have added ten years in the last six months. Hair thinner, my weight seems to have diverted itself from and even spread over body to hovering in three inch space between belly button and pubic bone and I just feel older. I had a bit of a weepy spell in car on hubby this morning and said I don't think I'm going to survive this. Some days I mean that literally but realistically , the me I was has gone these last few months. So much anxiety and pain is draining and destroys a lot of what makes us us.... I think I need to take up drinking again.
Aww sorry you are struggling so much. No you don't need the drink it would just add even more health problems to the exisiting ones! I know what you mean though. Due to hiatus hernia I cannot have any alcohol at all and I mean none not even a drop or I get such severe acid reflux I am literally sick for days and haven't had any alcohol for 20 years but some days I do say " I wish I could get drunk".
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Safety in numbers - join me in founding the MM beards club!
here is a link to a club we started :)
http://www.menopausematters.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,31049.0.html
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I certainly feel like I have added ten years in the last six months. Hair thinner, my weight seems to have diverted itself from and even spread over body to hovering in three inch space between belly button and pubic bone and I just feel older. I had a bit of a weepy spell in car on hubby this morning and said I don't think I'm going to survive this. Some days I mean that literally but realistically , the me I was has gone these last few months. So much anxiety and pain is draining and destroys a lot of what makes us us.... I think I need to take up drinking again.
Sorry that you're finding things so tough Coldethyl. You words are so profound - I can relate to all that you've said here.
"The me I was has gone". Oh yes, I get that totally.
When the migraine is particularly bad, I would be happy not to survive any of this wretched menopause. It would be great to be able to have a drink
Let's hope for brighter days.
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When I had really bad migraine last week, I thought if only this would stop I could manage. And it did. Only to be replaced by an increase in hot flashes coupled with adrenaline surges and palpitations. It's that I hate the most -that there doesn't seem to be a day I'm symptom free and that I no longer feel able to make a rational decision about treatment as I'm in such a tailspin.
I tell myself it will pass. X
I haven't drank since I was 19 so won't be starting anytime soon but sometimes it is tempting x
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I'm 53 tomorrow. Most people I know still say that I look a bit younger than I am but I do notice more now that younger people offer me seats on trains ;D I almost always say 'No thanks' and feel embarrassed.
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It seems since meno I've rapidly developed a lot of the ailments/conditions that my mother had (she had lifelong poor health).
Do you think that once meno takes a lhold with the resulting loss of hormone profile that true genetics kick in - and some people just happen to have a much better deal in terms of the 'raw materials' they've inherited? Without estrogen, is one stripped down to basics. I know that estrogen has a protective effect on female pattern hair loss and migraine. Meno seems to speed up things. Obviously aging happens for men, but is it more gradual, less extreme, ie. they don't suddenly overnight lose testosterone production ...
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You are right about aging coming in waves, just noticed yesterday age spots all over my chest, I swear they weren't there last week. All we can do is dress in reasonably good clothes and keep smiling, even the ladies I know who have help with botox etc dont look any younger just a bit different or worst case a bit odd.
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I agree, I remember noticing Madonna's hands in a photo some time ago and thinking how they belied the rest of her.
I have always been fanatical about caring for my hands and nails and they go with the rest of me. I have not paid such good attention to my feet however ::)
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'I have very very reactive skin so hair removal cream made me look like a burns victim for a week as did waxing. So it was the trusty old shaver. Recently tried a test patch for laser hair removal and thankfully they did it under my chin as the area went bright red like a traffic light for 4 hrs afterwards so they refused to do it obviously.'
Countrybumpkin and Dorothy - I'm the same. I have tried everyone of the methods and every single one other than my little Agilite aka Venus (Gillette) disposable shaver with Aloe Vera causes a reaction of some kind. So for me there is no alternative, but to feel like an old man every day lol. At least it is nice to know there are other 'old men' out there. But it is the only thing that works for me.
This problem started with me at my early menopause which was at the same time as I became hypothyroid.
Ah well, tra la la ----- on we go.
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Mainly I tweezer hairs, using a small, circular 15 times magnifier mirror - plus a JML Beauty Wand mini razor on chin, tash and cheek down. I have to keep on top of things - nobody wants that 'facial hair glinting in the sunlight' look.
I'm always amazed at how quickly the long black hairs grow, overnight they've appeared. Wish the hair on top of my head would do that!
Another lovely aspect that seems to appear overnight - the lines above my mouth.
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My sister was giving a piano lesson to a small boy, a while ago. She was talking to him about something very important and he was watching her intently as she spoke. Then she stopped talking for a second, to write something in his notebook, and he said to her, "Why is your hair grey?" Apparently it made her feel so old that she went and got her hair coloured the very next day!
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If you shave the cheek down does it grow thicker or darker. I am scared to start in case it gets worse and I end up having to shave every day :(
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Yep. Himself tells me that he doesn't notice the hairs down the cheeks although he did pull a black tuff hair out yesterday :o. If I see a black hair under the surface of the skin in the morning, by evening it's long enough to tug out.
How rude :D ………. he would have got a clip from me …….. I remember talking to my late Aunt when I was about 8 asking why she had thick hairs under her chin: she told me 'old age'. She wasn't much older than 40.
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How rude :D ………. he would have got a clip from me …….. I remember talking to my late Aunt when I was about 8 asking why she had thick hairs under her chin: she told me 'old age'. She wasn't much older than 40.
I think he was only about 6, CLKD - they're very straightforward at that age! My sister didn't find him rude - he simply gave her a wake-up call!
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Absolutely :)
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You know, I think one of the best "age-reversing" treatments is to be really happy within yourself. That's why I place an awful lot of importance on seeking personal fulfillment.
That, coupled with a really good face cream! ;D
D.
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I think you are absolutely right, Dulciana. :)
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Hubby had the chancellor's budget speech on low in the background and I couldn't help noticing Theresa May. Grey shapeless hair, a middle aged 'lived in' face with discreet make up and a plunging decolletage. She looked really badly put together and made me realise we middle agers need to be so careful of the overall appearance and not just part of it. Grey hair is fine and make up is a personal choice, but I don't believe you ought to wear an orange plunging top unless you have smooth skin and no sagginess ::)
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It is hard sometimes to dress appropriately. Having lost a lot of weight( though still a bit to go) I find myself wondering what to wear that flatters my thinner but older body and often think I've gone a bit mutton dressed as lamb as being short I prefer shorter skirts otherwise I look even shorter and swamped. I also still have long hair and wonder if I should go shorter as I'm 50 but it's a big call as it'll never grow again with the meno thinning.
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I am thinking about booking a session with a personal shopper at my favourite shop, Bon Marche. It is free and I would like a new outfit for my Ruby Wedding anniversary later in the year. However I am not really sure what suits me nowadays.
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I think grey hair - I prefer to call it silver ;) - needs to be well cut and looked after and enhanced by stylish and strong accessories eg good colours, strong jewellery and stylish glasses etc
I feel confident with the way I do mine and actually look younger and more stylish as it shows off my skin better than when I had my hair coloured and the skin aged and did not suit my skin nearly as well as the silver hair I now have.
I get many compliments about my hair and my look and disbelief that I am nearly 63.
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It is hard sometimes to dress appropriately. Having lost a lot of weight( though still a bit to go) I find myself wondering what to wear that flatters my thinner but older body and often think I've gone a bit mutton dressed as lamb as being short I prefer shorter skirts otherwise I look even shorter and swamped. I also still have long hair and wonder if I should go shorter as I'm 50 but it's a big call as it'll never grow again with the meno thinning.
I have lost two and half stone and its great to look so much better in clothes but oh boy undressed I look way worse than I did heavier. Everything flaps or looks like a saggy bag of spuds.
I want to lose another stone although to do that I think I would need to stop eating totally as I seem to have come to a stop or I gain and have to lose it again. I know there is no answer to this other than surgery which is not an option ;D
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It is hard sometimes to dress appropriately. Having lost a lot of weight( though still a bit to go) I find myself wondering what to wear that flatters my thinner but older body and often think I've gone a bit mutton dressed as lamb as being short I prefer shorter skirts otherwise I look even shorter and swamped. I also still have long hair and wonder if I should go shorter as I'm 50 but it's a big call as it'll never grow again with the meno thinning.
I have lost two and half stone and its great to look so much better in clothes but oh boy undressed I look way worse than I did heavier. Everything flaps or looks like a saggy bag of spuds.
I want to lose another stone although to do that I think I would need to stop eating totally as I seem to have come to a stop or I gain and have to lose it again. I know there is no answer to this other than surgery which is not an option ;D
I sag but feel better in myself so will keep at it. I've also slowed down since peri got worse so going to have to up exercise and cut food down again. The better weather will help as I love salads.q
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I always say your hands always give you away no matter how much you work on your face! One look at a person's hands and you can get a good idea of their age - and the job they've done!
You've got a point, there, Stellajane. My sister (she of "why is your hair grey" fame!) has just been been told by another darling little pupil that her hands look old from playing the piano. ::)
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Except with me! I used to have very bad eczema on my hands and they kept opening up with little cuts all over, particularly in cold weather, so my hands had become lined and old looking when I was very young. I was very conscious and embarrassed about how they looked, but now the rest of me is catching up! Children can be very perspective and kind. I remember one child stroking my hand, when the eczema was bad, saying " Your hands are poorly, Miss.", while an adult looked at them and asked bluntly if it was catching!
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I'm lucky that I look a lot younger than my age. I don't always feel it though! I'm almost 62 (in one hours time!) still have blonde hair, bit darker than when I was young (saves a lot on hairdressing costs) reasonable skin, though rosecea has got its grips now. >:( And I have a better figure than at any time of my before. Both my parents look years younger, though Mum has to use a walker. Dad doesn't look over 90. More like his late 70s. Both have shrunk in height. It's all in the genes. I haven't done anything different.
Happy Birthday Ju Ju
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Oh 07drichard! Thank you!
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Thank you!
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Happy belated birthday greetings to you Ju Ju, hope you had a lovely day
On the subject of ageing, I frighten myself many a morning when I look in the mirror and see a cross between Norah Batty and a bulldog chewing a wasp staring back at me! ;D ;D
I do get fed up of people saying " cheer up, it might never happen", the problem is it has, saggy jowls have happened! I'm not miserable, I just look it haha