Menopause Matters Forum
General Discussion => New Members => Topic started by: Mandz on February 17, 2016, 09:46:38 AM
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Hi I'm 48
Was on citralopram for 5+ years having suffered depression on n off for years!!! Had a hysterectomy 3yrs ago
After my step father passed away Nov 2014 I dipped all of las year.... By October I was struggling, went to doc and told her along with struggling I was having terrible sweats- not during sleep- and constantly tired.......
I was given ellese 1 mg and put on mirtazapiine 45mg
Fortnight or so later was feeling bit worse-got app with other doc.... Put on beta blockers propranolol 80mg
Still not getting there, and really struggling to hold it together at work n home!!!! People now aware that I'm not me and really emotional
Back to doc, told to stick with it......
Three weeks ago saw a poster at work offering 6 counselling sessions for employers in the works toilet, phoned in pure desperation, had 3rd session yesterday ( she suggested this site)
Also Week before that returned to doc ...... Signed off work for 4weeks..... And waiting for psychiatrist appointment..... And given diazepam
I actually don't feel any better..... Yesterday I cried, what seemed like the whole day.... Went to see pharmacy to ask about tablets.... Explained that I'm not getting any better......in fact I was sobbing begging for some kind of help.... She phoned the health centre and duty doc said they were aware of my case.....
I'm just off phone from doctors .... Can't get an appointment but told duty doc will contact me today!!!! I feel like a complete nutcase, like I'm continually hounding the doctor ..... But I honestly just want help, I want to be me with a purpose to my life not just opening my eyes and dreading the day starting
I can't think to shop.....I can't think to do housework ..... I just cry n cry with this horrible churned up feeling in my stomach......
I feel lonely even though I've a couple of friends I've confided in.....
My husband is trying to be understanding but I know it's getting him down...... He works hard and rarely and I mean rarely has there been a meal at home for him, I'm only managing to do the bare essentials of housework, which is upsetting me too.......
I don't want people to see me........ AND IM CRYING ..... AGAIN
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sweetheart you sound so sad, I don't know what to say to comfort you. Your cocktail of drugs sounds horrendous - ADs, BBs, HRT and a benzodiazepine. I take low dose AD and BB and even then sometimes I don't know which way is up. I can't help wondering if all that medication is doing more harm than good but that is just my opinion as I am not medically trained. I guess you have to trust your doctor but I do hope you turn the corner soon for your sake and your poor husband's.
Stick with this forum as then at least you are interacting with people who can support you :hug:
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It is my understanding that the 80mg of propranolol is a slow release option as I was offered it but I prefer a much smaller dose twice or three times a day as then I can control what I am taking
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Thank u both.... Even ur kind words make me emotional
Even watching programmes that I normally enjoy is such a struggle..... I watch the usual soaps.... But even watching them upsets me.....
I keep looking at people thinking everyone's getting on with life ..... I'm wasting mine....
My mum is 75 and I want to enjoy time with her but it's always in my head ..... What if I get too close and something happened to her... How will I cope!!!! On the other hand just now I'd beat myself up for not spending that time with her
Things like this go round and round my head........ Even reading it makes me sound ridiculous
Xx
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You would cope, believe me, I did. Don't let fear of losing your mum keep you away from her, don't push her away to protect yourself from feeling close in case something happens. Cherish her whilst you have her. I would give everything I own to have one more day with mine and say things and ask her things that I always avoided. But I have my memories of time spent with her, don't deny yourself, or your mum, that mother/daughter time.
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Sorry babyjane ....I don't mean to upset anyone or sound ungrateful
I lost my dad when I was 14.... And I don't think I've ever got over him..... So I totally understand what u mean
Weirdly feeling like this makes me think more of the people I have lost..... :'(
I just can't explain to anyone how I feel.....just an overwhelming sadness and lack of drive.....and can't be bothered.... Just want to sleep, I'm still in my bed just now
Reading and writing this makes me sound as if I'm looking for sympathy ... Please believe me I'm not....I just need to say/write it....I really want to just be me xxx
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The beauty of this lovely forum is that you can say what you really feel and mean without judgement so please don't apologise for being yoursef.
Right now you need support and it is here for you so keep posting. One day you will feel better and then you can help support someone else but just now, take what you need, it is unconditional xx
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Hi Mandz
:welcomemm:
So sorry to hear you are feeling rubbish at the moment.
You sound as though you've had emotional issues to deal with especially following your step-father's death. Also you mention you've had a hysterectomy - did you keep your ovaries because if not you will have been plunged into surgical menopause if you were not at menopause already?
Even if you kept your ovaries you don't have your periods to tell you that you are menopausal but the flushes and crying are typical of what many of us go through at this time as homrones surge up and down. Even though you have suffered from depression in the past, the hormonal turmoil during peri-menopause (or the sudden drop after after surgical menopause) - makes you less able to cope with things that you normally could deal with - or they seem much worse.
I agree with babyjane you are taking a lot of drugs and maybe you just need more oestrogen or a different type of HRT - which might mean you could come off one of the other drugs. That oestrogen dose you are on is quite low anyway. The lack of energy/drive is a symptom of depression but also of low oestrogen and testosterone too (which would have decreased if you had surgical menopause). Not sure why you have been given betablockers as well?
Personally depending on what reason for hysterectomy and whether you kept ovaries I would take more oestrogen - and preferably transdermally - patch or gel - which gives more absoprtion and beter control of symptoms.
I cried so much when I was peri-menopausal - the slightest thing would set me off - sometimes I would just be driving along and I would think about something or a situation or something that someone had said and off I'd go.
Don't beat yourself up - you will get better :)
:bighug:
Hurdity x
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I'm just so sad and feeling like I'm going round begging for help.....but nobody's really listening
I'm ashamed I'm not at my work: I'm scared my colleagues think I'm "skivving"
I my sons are 21 ( still at home) and 24..... And my hubby, I think they are like " here we go again"
My couple of friends that know text me, but I m sure they are fed up trying to reassure me that I'm " not a bother".... That I " will get there"...... And I " don't need to keep apologising " for crying .....
I feel o far detached from everything outside my house that I'm just existing at the moment!!!
Is there anyone else feeling like this"?????
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Thanks hurdity xx
No I've still got my ovarys...
Duty doc off phone....I've to reduce my mirtazapiine to 30mg from tonight...
I'm just at my wits end
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My heart is aching for you as I read your posts. I can so totally understand how you are feeling and wish I could help you - even by just giving you a big hug. I ve been where you are, begging doctors for help :'(. I have only been on MM for a week or so but so far I have received so much help and information. Keep posting how you are feeling and I m sure you will get loads of support and helpful advice. Stop being hard on yourself and feeling guilty for things that are not your fault. Be kind and forgiving to yourself as you deserve it.
As I said KEEP POSTING - there are lovely people on this site who are all struggling with something and therefore understand.
Panda xx
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Me too Mandz,I have been where you are now and I feel for you.
I totally understand your desperation.
I had a breakdown 12 years ago and was diagnosed with OCD with accompanying depression & anxiety.
I was in hospital for 5 wks and a psychiatrist came to see me everyday.
I was given medication & therapy which has helped me.
Now I know what I have I can manage it. I still have bad episodes but not as many and not for as long as I did before diagnosis.
I still go into a very dark frightening place when I'm going through an episode and I feel terrible but I know I will get there and so will you.
It is a struggle and you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel but it will come.
I wish I was there to give you a hug but here's a cyber one instead :hug:
Lots love Dyan X
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Can't say anything other than wishing you a calmer few days. I find that once I get in a downward spiral of anxiety that it takes a bit to get back on even keel, so give the reduction in meds a chance. As hard as it is, you need to do things to distract yourself from all the whirring thoughts so even just a short walk would help. Easy for me to say, I know, but I know that just sitting made things 100 times worse for me and when I made myself get off the bed and into the fresh air I felt more able to think more calmly about what I needed from my health care providers. It may be you need a referral to a meno clinic as they may be more able to deal with the complexities of your HRT needs and mental health support. It is a horrible place to be but you can get better with the right support. X
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U are all so kind...
I just feel so alone and I really don't know if I want company or not.....
The real me is up for a laugh, loves shopping and really sociable....
I just can't bare what I am just now..... And how my husband can be bothered with me is beyond me..... I keep apologising for being like this and to my friend and they keep telling me I don't need to apologise but I can't stop myself because I am sorry for being this way!!!!
I feel like I'm a waste of space just now.... I'm just taking up room, I know that sounds really self-pitying but that's how I feel xx
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Like many on the forum I too have been in 'the place' you are. I am lucky my best friend, my Mum (who is 78) and my husband helped me through, and my new GP who simply 'listened' which meant a lot and started me on Sertraline which in my case has helped me through, I realise it is not for everyone though.
I also do yoga, and had acupuncture which was also a good help.
I feel sure your friends and family are just feeling helpless with not knowing how best to help you, when all the need to do is be there - I had to tell my daft husband that all I needed was a 'hug' and maybe more often, he had not realised it would be that simple.
I am sorry I cannot be more help, but just wanted you to see there can be a light at the end of the tunnel and with the right help from your GP (or another GP?) you will get well again and become the real you.
Another hug from me. :bighug:
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Hi Mandz So glad you are writing here, sorry that you are in turmoil, it sounds horrible for you. I just wanted to say that I have experienced a lot of difficult feelings in the last few years, lots of it related to bereavement and I do think my hormones going up and down have made everything much worse. I also have had to revisit the death of my father when I was 12 and finally come to terms with it (I wasn't aware that I hadn't!). I think this time of life can challenge anything that we are already dealing with that is hard or bring to the surface things we have pushed aside.
I think the important thing I wanted to say was that self compassion was my starting point to feeling more in control and accepting where I was at and begin to put things back into order and feel better about my situation. I can't say I feel great because it feels like things have changed and me along with it, but I am coming to terms with things and in truth I am the same person, but the 'washing machine' of the last few years has been tough.
Its so hard to stop and be with ourselves when we are judging ourselves, feeling not ourselves, frustrated, afraid, all sorts of things which can happen when we have a lot of things going on at the same time. Our minds go into overdrive and it's not helpful I find. The real you is still there, I'm sending you some encouragement to dig deep, breathe deep and tell yourself nice things, comfort yourself and see what you want to do from there, what you need, who you need to speak too. Sounds a bit scary to have lots of people and medication involved and sounds as if you need to regain a sense of control in what is happening for you.
Please keep writing while you figure it out x
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I can certainly relate. You are describing exactly where I've been the past 6 months. I cried, I felt sorry for myself, I was angry with myself for crying and feeling sorry for myself. I desperately tried to make heads or tails of what was wrong with me, because whatever was going on just wasn't me! And it seemed to come suddenly from nowhere. I was fine one day, then I felt I couldn't be bothered with anything anymore in my daily life, then could hardly get out of bed, and I felt like I was becoming another child for my husband to care for. He was having to do everything, working, caring for the children, and caring for me. I was useless. My friends and family kept saying I needed to go out, and deep down I wanted to, because I certainly didn't want to feel like I was feeling, but I couldn't do anything. I cried about life passing by while I sat unable to participate. I thought I'd never cook a meal again. I still haven't started driving again, but I will. I dragged myself up for my husband to take me to the doctor, and told the doctor I'd lost my mind. He checked me over and very kindly said "You're not crazy. Something's off." It hasn't been an instant fix. How I wish he had a magic wand to wave and make me better! It's been weeks into months of try this, still not right, adjust that, now try this. And I'm still not back to myself. But my head is above water now! I can see that things are improving. I still have days where I'm paralyzed by an awful feeling, and on those days, in the moment, I'm right back to feeling it will never get better. But it IS getting better! And I think you will too!
I hesitate to advise anything on your meds, as we're all different and I haven't found my perfect balance yet. I will say that any of our endocrine hormones can wreak havoc on our minds. You don't say much about your physical state. What stage of menopause are you in? Have you had any hormone levels checked (reproductive, thyroid, blood sugars, cortisols)?
Feel free to vent and spill it all on here. I know I have and these ladies have been an enormous help in making sense of it all.
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Oh, in rereading I see sbout your hysterectomy and ovaries. I'm sorry I missed that. My heart was drawn to the feeling you posted.
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Could you be grieving? Have you thought to contact your local CRUSE group? run by bereaved for the bereaved? Or a walk in MIND group, if you send an e-mail to them you should get a reply with the options and times.
It takes a while for the medication to kick in. Use these 4 weeks to rest as much as possible and allow the medication to work. I take 40mg BB at night plus 5mg of Anti-depressant, as well as 5mg AD in the morning. I have an emergency pill if the anxiety overwhelms me.
You will cope when your Mum dies. If you get on together, i.e. don't argue and have similar interests, visit as much as you are able to. Don't put off seeing her because that's giving your brain more to dwell on.
Did the Duty Doctor ring back (haven't read all there respouses as I'm tired today)
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Hello Mandz.
I wanted to send you big hug and as you can see you are not alone.
I tend to get nervous and jittery and only a little tearful but I have a friend who is experiencing all that you have described. She tells me she often sits for hours, unable to move or motivate herself to do anything. She cries often as well and says she wonders what she is existing for. She is one year older than me and is also menopausal.
I can't add to the good advice you've been given but you are deserving of sympathy because you are suffering. When I talk to my friend we never judge each other because we understand how horrible this time in our lives can be. The lovely ladies on this forum serve the same purpose and whatever happens you have us to lean on.
Wishing you well and take care.
K.
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So many wonderful, worldly and wise women on this forum and I think they have your plea for help covered. So my only pearls of wisdom are to try and see your present "personality transplant" as symptomatic of your hormones, perfectly natural, absolutely understandable, totally fixable and only temporary. Those who love you know how unhappy you are with how you feel and dont love you any less because of it.
This truly is the bleakest time and genuinely hard to bare but you will finally find the right combination of meds, understand yourself more, get the support and information that you need and find yourself again.
:sunny:
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:bighug:
Dear Mandz, do consider talking to someone from Cruse Bereavement. It is free, though they do needs contributions. It is confidential and you will be given a 'safe space' to talk about your bereavement, however long ago it happened. Sometimes talking to someone who is not emotionally involved is easier and freeing, with space to cry. The volunteer should be non judgemental. Sometimes, unresolved grief is the root of sadness many years on.
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All your replys have really meant everything to me just now
I NEEDED SOMEONE TO SAY " I understand" and you all have........thank you thank you thank you from the bottom of my heart".....
I can't believe there that I've been able to cry so much or feel so lost and alone.....
lifes passing me by and I'm not living it..... And I ache inside because of it
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Mandz, I am so sorry that you are going through this hell. I think you are suffering from the loss of your stepfather and I know how you feel. My brother died suddenly and completely unexpectedly in 2014 at the age of just 55. I have not got over it and I don't think I ever will, it was such a terrible shock and so difficult to live with and my parents will never be the same again. His funeral was the worst day of my life and still haunts me. Death of a loved one is the most difficult thing to come to terms with and takes a very long time.
I'm afraid I don't know anything about ADs but others have been very helpful on this. You are only 48 and I think you are on the wrong type of HRT which will not be helping you at all. Oral HRT is not the best type (much of it gets lost in your digestive system) and I think you need to switch to the oestrogen gel. I did not find the oral HRT or the patches very effective and because you have had a hysterectomy, you don't need to ruin the positive oestrogen effect with progesterone and all the problems that can cause with depression etc. I think that it would be a good idea to change to the gel as soon as possible, see how you get on with it and them have a rethink on all the other medication. You might find you don't need ADs if you can get your oestrogen dose right.
I hope that helps.
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Mandz,
I wish I could wrap my arms around you and hug you for the longest while. I was where you are 2 years ago and currently not feeling great due to family circumstances. Two year ago I was losing weight rapidly with severe nausea, flushing, heart palpitations and crippling anxiety to the extent of begging my 76 year old mum not to leave me on my own at home. I was gripped Who is such a stomach churning fear that it took my breath away . It was totally irrational and made me feel alien to my own kids. I had days where I shook and retched with anxiety, weeks when I lived at the gps.After a zillion tests ,HRT ,counselling and ADs got me back to myself. I am quite well now and you will be again I promise.
Get a good counsellor who specialises in women's health. Maybe book a double appointment with gp so you can fully explain how you are and ask for a review of yr medications. Take hubby who can maybe back you up with how it's affecting home life.
I wish you lots of luck xxxx
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I wish I could get some of these hugs from you all for real ....and return the favour!
Clkd - I've read quite a few of your forum pages, a lot has struck a few chords with me xx
Xx
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Hello Mandz
I really understand what you're going through. My peri journey has been a hellish rollercoaster ride of random anxiety, extreme mood swings and bouts of nasty depression which come and go, out of the blue.
When it first started I thought I was having a nervous breakdown. At my worst, I would wake my poor DH in the middle of the night begging him to take me to A&E as I felt
so scared and panic striken. The only other time I have experienced anything like this was years ago when I had PND. This made me do some research into hormones, which led me to this place.
I agree with others that maybe your meds are hindering you, rather than helping? I tried Mirtrazapine last year and felt it intensified my symptoms rather than suppressed them. I also don't seem able to tolerate Sertraline either.
If panic and anxiety are your worse culprits I can highly recommend Amitriptyline. It is an older tri cyclic AD but is very gentle and safe. I took it when I had PND and it really helped. It makes you feel very chilled out, even slightly dreamy? You're still fine to drive and work etc, but it allows your brain to rest and recover from the awfulness of the anxiety. You sleep like a log too, which is so beneficial.
I also took Amitriptyline 2 years ago when I first started with these peri symptoms, and I was a complete mess! Having to take days off work. Scared to be on my own. Shaky hands. Near tears much of the time. Like you, my GP put me on BBs too.
But through taking Amitriptyline I found I didn't need the BBs anymore (I didn't find them any help against the anxiety anyway).
Anyway, just an alternative for you to think about. I am confident you will get better. This awful anxiety steals your ability to think rationally or logically. But I promise that one day all this will seem like a distant dream. My Mum had a dreadful perimenopause and suffered terribly with panic attacks and 'her nerves'. She had days when she couldn't get out of bed. But she can barely remember any of it now, and I actually remember far more than her.
Please don't lose hope (I know how that feels) as this really won't, and physically CAN'T last forever. Keep posting, as we're all very happy to listen and hold your hand.
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Thank u GRL xxxxx
I'm a mess, I look a mess my skins a mess------
Before I was put on the mirtazapiine I told the doc I've been sleeping fine.....but being put on this I could sleep 24/7...
I feel Ive tried fighting a battle that I'm losing ...... I dread waking up tomorrow to start this all over again, and the people that I've begged for help, doctors, just think I'm just a hysterical woman being over the top trying to demand "attention".....
Sometimes I feel like I'm "losing it"....... And to be honest I'm actually so desperate I'm scared I might :'( :-\
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I really like the gp I see - she's lovely and I always try to see her, I just think what's prescribed isn't agreeing with me xxx
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How do I email dr Currie? Xxx
Thank you sparkle xx
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Try one of the anxiety meditations on you tube tonight Mandz before you sleep. It might help ease things for the morning. Thinking of you, big hugs xx
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Thank you Jedi girl xx
Thank you all of you who are being so lovely to me, and supportive, it's warmed my heart especially when you don't know me!!
I've showed this to my husband as I know he's really trying to support me and trying to keep his frustration at bay.... I need him to know that I'm not "putting it on" or having "just women's troubles" ..... Although I know he tries I can understand how frustrating it must be looking in
Well I bid u all a good nights sleep.... And thank u all for your kindness xxxx
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I found where to email
Just my luck..... All emails are suspended till march 2nd xxx
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Night Mandz, take heart, you are not alone now 💜
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How are you today Mandz? Hope you're feeling a bit more supported and have a plan of what to do next? xxx hugs
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Still thinking of you Mandz. Its an awful feeling and I know how alienated you feel, I used to cry for days on end too, and my last two GP's treated me like a hysterical nut job too and I was always calm when I saw them, but would sit outside in tears after having received no help. When I visited my new GP I told her I have like mood swings except there are no 'ups', she was wonderful to me.
My husband found it very hard to cope with too, as before finding the forum we didnt know what we were dealing with, I thought I was too young for menopause (yes, very ignorant).
Still hoping you can get some help soon, good advice about a double appointment and taking hubs with you.
take care x
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Been thinking about you lots and lots. I am not as knowledgeable as lots of the ladies on here so can t offer any useful advice but I see they have been taking good care of you, as they do me. You re definitely in the right place and I wish you all the very best of luck. :) :-* :)
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Hi all....
Thank you all for being so lovely and supportive!!!
Today I got up with same dread and a friend came to see me and found me in tears.... She persuaded me to phone AGAIN to the doc for appointment to sort meds.... No appointments... So we got in car and went up....the receptionist said she would get doc to phone me!!!
Half hour later doc phoned, I calmly explained that I felt the anti-does were not helping I was worse, she told me that is why she was waiting for psychiatrist referrel to decide what to do next..... I explained I'd waited 4weeks and can't cope another week, finally she has agreed to reducing dose over next week, she will see me next week to discuss another anti-d
I bet on my file now it'll be stamped that I'm an hysterical attention seeker xxx
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Hi Mandz,
Good to hear your friend is looking out for you. I had very similar feelings to yours. Are they worse on a morning? Do they ease through the day?
I would find myself in a terrible state on a morning , retching and shaking and a horrible jolting fear like when you miss a stair and your heart flips. It took my breath away at times.
I am now on 2 pumps oestrogel, 14 days utrogestan and 20mg Citalopram. I have felt okay until the last week or two but that is more a circumstantial thing.
Don't worry about the GPs, i had weeks of pestering them but they could see before that i'd hardly been and hardly been since.
Take care xx
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Mandz, don't worry about what they think of you. I tried to "act" like I wasn't a hysterical mess my first several visits with my doctor, and I think it would have helped if he could have seen. Naturally, I prefer to present myself in public as having it together, and I'm still not comfortable enough to completely express to him how bad I've felt. Thankfully, the receptionist is also dealing with peri, so she takes care of getting me timely appointments. My last visit I explained that I wasn't driving or shopping or anything, and he looked surprised. I guess I was a better actor than I realized through all my recent visits! But really, they can't help you if you don't ask, and keep asking if something isn't working.
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Lizab....I use to be a good actor to....but just now they've seen everything warts n all.....I just can't , in fact I don't want to hide it because I am so desperate to get the help I need, not just for me but for my family and friends too! I just can't get past the fact that I feel so guilty not being at my work......and I know I shouldn't because if I had any other "illness" the stigma wouldn't be there, and I'd be the first one to tell someone else that, you're health is more important, you're work will still be there etc etc..... It's just how I feel/think!!!
Jedigirl: that's exactly how I feel.... Mornings are the worst!!! Evenings I tend to be calmer.....or weepy!!! And it's a relief when I climb into the safety of my bed xx
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Oh girls :'( ……. :bighug: ssssss
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CLKD sending you hugs too, you give a lot of support and advice to people xxx
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:wub: :thankyou:
A bit older than many of you on here ;) so have the T-shirt ::). The joy with this Forum is that we share experiences which others can take/discard as appropriate ;)
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Older and wiser eh???xxx
Thank u CLKD... Xx
Well, one of my colleagues isn't working tomorrow, so she's insisted that she is coming for me tomorrow to go for lunch somewhere, I was apprehensive at first, but I'm going to make an effort and go"...... Maybe it will stop me thinking of how stressed out I am!!!! ???
Xxx
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Are you able to tell her how you feel? Might make it easier somehow?
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Hi
Thanks sparkle xx
CLKD... She knows majority of it...
Will see what tomorrow brings xxx
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Mandz sweetheart I just saw this thread here and wanted to chime in with all the other supportive messages. Plus being on so many meds I'm not surprised you don't know which way is up!
I had a menopausal breakdown in March last year. I was put on the wrong HRT, then sertraline (2 days and I came off it because the side effects I had were severe and horrendous) and then I got a different Dr, a different HRT and slowly started to get better. But I also took a much lower dose of propranolol for a while and it made me feel shit until I came off it!
I've come to the conclusion that meds are such a crap shoot and if you've been put on so many in such a short space of time no wonder you don't feel that great. I know AD's make you feel awful to begin with anyway - so there's like a settling in period while your body adjusts. Ditto different types of HRT.
Keep persisting with your Dr's until you find something that works for you. And be kind to yourself. You're ill! Don't add moral judgement to how you're feeling. I did and it doesn't help any. You wouldn't treat others who are sick with physical illnesses (like say heart disease, cancer etc) like this so just because it's anxiety and mental stuff doesn't mean that you've somehow brought it on yourself. You haven't.
I got better because a friend intervened and got me to a good Dr. Then I got the right HRT. Then it took time, kindness and I explored other things like psychotherapy, exercise, relaxation and meditation, yoga, change of diet ... and they all helped. But most all kindness helped. So I hope you can find some kind folks around you.
I got better relatively quickly (although it didn't feel like it at the time) and by November I was able to pick up my life a bit. But everyone is individual and you sound like you're dealing with a lot.
Hugs to you xxx
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I did the same as Lizab, always held it together at the docs and just tried to explain (badly). Infact I too held it together for a long time which is probably why I was as bad as I got.
My Dad has always maintained its those who make the most fuss who get attended too, if only to get shut of them, so you carrry on making a fuss and dont give a stuff what their opinion is as long as they help you, they sure as hell dont seem to care what we think of them when they clearly do not give a hoot.
have a lovely lunch out, it will help.
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Dear Mandz,
Just wanted to say I am so sorry to hear what an awful time you are going through and sending you a massive healing hug. I have been where you are at the moment and it is truly horrendous!!!! It is not something I would wish on my worst enemy.
I know this is easy to say but please, please don't feel guilty - you are not well. If you had broke a leg or had a heart attack would you feel guilty? It's just the same except people can't see it.
I don't know much about HRT as I only started 3 weeks ago but I do know a bit about antidepressants and benzodiazepines I've been on various antidepressants for the last 30 years! One thing I have learnt and unfortunately the hard way is whatever you do please come off them slowly very slowly. Antidepressants are supposed not to be habit forming but our brain changes with the uses of them so it takes time to readjust when coming off them. So the best way is to taper them slowly. I mean this even if you are just dropping a dose say form 45mg Mirtazapine to 30 mg even this could cause withdrawal symptoms. A really good website with more information is Surviving antidepressants.
I really hope you get the help you need soon.
Big hugs to you
Minny
xoxo
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Aww honey.
Sorry to hear that you feel like this. It sounds exactly like I was there years ago....I crumbled completely and now take Citralopam 40mg daily.... Also take propananol 20 to 30 mgs daily in 10 mgs doses.
So I know how anxiety feels, I work on being kind to one's self..tasks, do some, dump some and delegate...don't be too hard on yourself .....I avoid all caffiene and booze.. It made my anxiety worse. I eat a snack before bed to avoid low blood sugars and a shaky morning waking.
I lost my eldest 23 just 17 months ago and as a single woman found the grief very hard. Enjoy all you friends do to help you...you would help them....
Maybe make a list of what you want in life and work towards it...mindfulness is good for helping too.
Ms Saucy xxxx
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Hi all,
Thank u all for the supportive responses, I'm over whelmed by them all, and I've showed them to my hubby to try to help him also see that he's not the only one either who has a wife that's at times unbearable/seems neurotic/ sad/ etc etc......
..... And maybe help him see that, hopefully, I will get there
I went out for a while on Friday... Which was lovely. Yesterday I actually did quite a bit of ironing and tidied up a bit......
Today I'm struggling to face the day, it's the huge knot,churning away in my stomach....but I will get up and get showered....
Ms saucy: i was so sad for you reading about the loss of your child, no parent should ever have to cope with that type of greif.... Xxx
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:bighug:
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Thank you CLKD
How are you? Xxx
I meant to say I got word yesterday of my psychiatrist refferrel.....29th March! I can hardly believe that with all the begging I've done for help that I've still more than a month to wait.....and that I've possibly got still a looooong haul after that..... Why when your begging for help is it left sooooo long.......don't get me wrong I understand that I'm no-one special but when people are crying out for help that it's soooooo long......
I know this sounds like " poor me" ..... But I just need to vent as it's just "another" pull down
Xxx
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Hi Mandz, you are not alone with this. It sounds like an anxiety disorder to me with depression as well. I agree with the others, your meds need reviewing. Can you be referred to a psychiatrist, or your local mental health team for support. Why did you come off citalopram? Maybe mertazipam not suiting you. It does have alot of side effects.at the moment you need support. Here are a cuople of Websites: Anxiety UK and Anxiety no More. They are useful. Also take a look at Black Dog Tribe website to see you are. Ot alone. They have a listening service and are always available to talk. Hope that helps a bit.
Love Charliegirl.
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I know that seems a long way off when you are feeling rubbish but it isn't that far and compared to some areas that is positively quick. I was told by crisis team I needed to see psychologist but waiting list was over 18 months so it is a postcode lottery for mental health support. In the meantime use the space to have a think about what you want to get out of the appointment- it may well be that they refer you to other support such as CBT therapy so be prepared to say whether you think that will help and make sure you get it delivered at higher level rather than by what is usually some sort of IAPT First steps intervention. It is often worth getting in touch with local MIND as they can provide therapy of different sorts alongside any medication that the psychiatrist might suggest. I am not suggesting that therapy alone is the answer but ADs and HRT aren't the whole solution either and it may be that you need a complex package of support - I've certainly found Mindfulness and the various therapies I do helpful in turning down my response to the hormonal upheaval of the perimenopause. I still get days that I feel like ending it all out of nowhere and other physical symptoms I could live without but I try and accept that they will pass if I don't get caught up in them. Easier said than done, I know, but sometimes that is all we can do until things ease. x
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Hi Mandz
I ve been where you are - been on too many meds to list here and seen psychiatrists aplenty. Turns out that it all could have been sorted out by balancing my hormones. 30 years of mental anguish when I could have been enjoying my life and my family. I am no expert on anything medical but I think you should think as much about seeing a hormone specialist as a psychiatrist. I wish you all the luck in the world.
Panda :) :) :)
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Thank u all....
I've been reading up on evening primrose oil...
Anyone tried. EPO..?
Thank u charliegirl, I was still on citralopram when I started dipping and my doc thought maybe they weren't working for me anymore....hence change of tablets....
I will have a look at websites you have suggested xxx
When everyone's on about balancing their hormones ....how do I know when they are balanced? Is there a blood test ....sounds ignorant I know but I just don't know what the hell IM really dealing with xxx
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That really isn't long to wait! Around here it's 3 months :-\ - that's after a GP appt. which can take 10 days to fix.
You will know when your hormones have settled, because you will feel 'better'. Blood tests are reliably un-reliable because hormones go up and down all the while. My Gynae refuses to do any, he 'goes' on symptoms.
In the 1990s I had to wait 18 months to see a 'therapist' …….. things really haven't improved in some areas >sigh<
Hormones can play havoc - if you need to read a good web-site have a look at NAPS ;) - they gave me good advice!
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I know this sounds daft but I'm stressed and anxious about being stressed and anxious!!!
Thanks again CLKD.... I will have a look..
Yes It's such a sin that when it comes to "needing" help that it has to be sooooooo long, especially when even a day is sooooooo long when you feel worthless .....
I struggled since October till two weeks ago to keep going to work, kept thinking it'll get better I'll be fine......till I had to admit defeat that I wasn't/am not functioning"................now I've too much time to think, I don't want to think
I'm sorry for sounding as if I feel so sorry for myself but I can't keep on telling DH that I'm sad, scared, anxious, empty, lonely .......because I'll just start crying .....and I cry till I'm exhausted if I start.......easier to just be quiet xxxx
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You B as sorry for yourself as you feel like, we are here to listen! Been there etc., I know when I decided I wanted help I wanted it yesterday ::) …….. no one prepared me for feeling so ill ………. are you able to phone the Dept. to see if they will give you a cancellation appt. at short notice?
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Hi all bit of good news..... I hope
The psychiatric team phoned around 930, there's a cancellation at 4pm so I got the space x
Don't know what to expect but I'm nervous of going xx
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Brilliant news Mandz. Good luck and let us know how it goes. My fingers and toes are all crossed for you. :)
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Go for it! and let us know how you get on?
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Thank u ladies....
I promise I will....
I hope this will start of something positive ..... I can't bear anymore let downs xxx
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-----ANYONE ANY ADVICE FOR ME....????
Xxx
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Have you had a look at Prof Studd's website? He is a leading expert on hormonal depression, anxiety and severe PMS.
He speaks about how far too many women are misdiagnosed with clinical depression or an anxiety disorder, when in fact it is all down to fluctuating hormone levels. He says these misdiagnosed women can spend their lives seeing psychiatrists and taking a whole shed load of drugs, when really they just need hormonal therapy.
Have a read through his case studies, and see if you might recognise yourself. He cites women who have been treated for bi polar for years, but after starting hormone therapy have made a full recovery within 3 months.
Do you get a handful of 'good' days per month, where you feel quite a bit better and more like your old self? If you do, then it's almost guaranteed that all your anxiety, depression and panics are simply being triggered by an acute sensitivity to hormonal fluctuations.
It might sound very far fetched, but it's absolutely true. I have always suffered with PMS and also had PND, so this proves I am acutely sensitive to hormonal levels.
Going into my 40s suddenly my PMS got 100 times worse, and with it came a dreadful anxiety that can make me feel absolutely wretched inside, to the extent I could heave and my hands tremble. I can also feel so low and depressed that I can't even bring myself to smile at my
But I still also get a run of days each month where I have no anxiety and feel like my usual self. This wouldn't happen if I had clinical depression or an anxiety disorder
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Good post GRL - I remember PMT really well. When I first had periods I would feel queasy a few days prior to a bleed; as I got older, i.e. in my 20s, I would weep copiously the night before a bleed, even if period wasn't due: sure enough, the next morning the bleed would begin. In my 30s I had dreadful nausea prior to the period starting, PMT hikes up in the 10-14 days prior to a bleed and stops once the period begins. It never occurs in the days after the bleed stops.
Keeping a mood diary could help Mandz ………. as well as what you eat.
Will you take someone with you, so that you don't get fobbed off?
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Hi ladies.... Well yesterday morning woke up thinking it was gonna be start of another" crappy" day
Phone rang and it was physiatric team saying there was a cancellation at 4pm if I wanted it....yes!!!
Half hour later my sister turned up unexpectedly on my doorstep.....she lives 4hours drive from me,and I just was sooooo grateful to see her
She offered to come with me to see physiatrist .....the relief of that was immense to say the least
To make you understand, my sister and I have never been close, and she is a VERY independent strong woman,(widowed 9years ago)..... She doesn't suffer fools..... And she was estranged from my mum for 20 plus years!!! They are slowly building a "sort of" relationship since my mum lost her partner end of 2014
The physiatrist said she could come in if I wanted her to, and leave if I wanted her too....
She held my hand and put across things that wouldn't come out my mouth or when I got muddled, and explained our relationship with our parents and each other....
Hour and half later .....he is putting me on escitralopram, ( I've read on other threads about it) , and I've to get ECG to check that it doesn't interfere with my heart rhythm .....with the lowest dose of the mirtazapiine.... And he has suggested taking the diazepam at night as it may help with the stomach knotting in the morning".......
To see my own doc in fortnight and to discuss the hrt with her
And back to him in fortnight....
My sister then explained it all to my hubby ..... And the relief I felt last night was immense!
And I'm so glad my sister was with me.......eternally grateful xxx
This morning though I felt I was able to visit local asda ....... Just for couple of things.... Walked in, major panic..... Had to leave, home and cried for half an hour but I'm ok now ..... I'm just grateful for yesterday xxxx
My sis then
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Hi Mandz - so good to read you had such a good experience with your sister and sounds like you feel everything went well. Its a great step forward, hope you can take it easy today x
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Thank u bright light.... I just felt last night there's hope, haven't felt that for a while
I forgot to add that also yesterday, my dearest friends mum painted a piccy( me n her started art class on a tues evening-thought It would help me, I forget life for a couple of hours) of a cartoon of three highland cows-we live up near Inverness- which represents us three.....
It's really cute and makes me smile
As I say.....was a good day yesterday, just hoped too much today I guess xxxx
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Well done on going and making a start at getting well again xx
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You had a HUGE day yesterday! and your sister was there to put your feelings across so it seems that she understands.
Now: let the medication do the work. Rest as much as you are able to. Walk as much as you feel able to because fresh air and sunshine can help.
The Psychiatrist is dealing with similar situations daily and is able to advise on medication regimes. Hopefully your GP will be supportive too!
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Thank u coldethyl and CLKD
I thank whoever was watching over me yesterday........ There was just so many things that just fell into place when, for soooooooo long I felt I was not getting anywhere I was screaming and screaming inside to get some kind of help/normality ..... I just felt deserted
I'm rambling I know .......... I just hope that anyone else going through this or can relate to this knows ......or even just reading this ....knows where I'm coming from
I have doc on Friday - an appointment that was made last week before I knew when I would see physiatrist so hoping I can maybe see about the HRT
LOVE M X
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You ramble away, it gets it out of your head and away!
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Well-done you.....
Awesome beginning on a journey to getting well. You can get there with small or slightly bigger steps. I eat a snack before bed, helps with shaky mornings.
Lots of hugs Mrs S xx
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well done, it is good to hear you a little more upbeat. You have a good friend in your sister, wish I had one x
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Hi all....
Thank you all for your well wishes
Sparkle : it is funny how things fall into place at times, I keep thinking and amazed how Monday mapped out. I only persevered because I'm so desperate to be me again. I'm still not able to be seen out and about in my area.......Where I live(although it's a town) everyone knows everyone! .... And I don't want to have to explain why I'm off work---and I'd probably burst out crying, because it's there all the time!
Babyjane: sister has been very supportive, more than I'd ever dreamed of, we haven't always been this way,,,,,,we are VERY different! But.... She was there when I needed her most....and that counts for a lot!
Through all this though.....couple of friends who I thought would be there for me....haven't, but well I suppose we can't always predict how folk will be
Love m xxx
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That's fantastic, Mandz! I'm glad to hear you're getting support.
It is funny how the support comes from where you least expect it, and where you do expect it there's nothing. My own mother has been most hurtful to me in dealing with this. But my best friend's mother, who has always been cold to me, has been super. I've known her longer than I've known her daughter, and she was always kind of a witch. But now I think she was probably going through menopause most of the time I've known her.
Let us know how your appointment goes!
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Hi,
Lizab: my mum has tried to be supportive in her own way, she phones and offers what help she can, I know she struggles to understand it all.... And I accept that! But my friend and her mum have been just amazing, they are the for me, true angels to me, and I really don't know what I'd do without them, and what makes them more amazing is that her mum is coping with aged parents,( her dad was told yesterday he has a tumour in his bladder) , my friend had a mastectomy last year( I was devestated for her) ...... These are the ones that I've spoken about in earlier post.... I'll never be able to repay their love n support xxx
Today I thought I'd go to the bank in high street......got in car, half way there I crumbled, anyway I did get there with my friend(above friend).... And home safe n sound even though I'm teary xxx
Docs tomorrow xxx
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What a difference it can make when you get the right support and help. Glad to hear that everything is going the right way for you Mandz.
JJ x
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Make a note to take with you!
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Great news that things are moving in a positive direction ;D
Panda x
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well done. You are trying. I ended up at our primary care tonight as had a rotten night and afternoon with the hot sweats and my anxiety was through roof by this evening, manifesting as chest pain and arm pain. Everything ok but I feel I've gone one step forward and two back as I was coping. Went into bathroom there and I am bleeding again less than a week after last cycle so guessing that is what set this all off. Just wish it was like a broken arm or sore throat and you knew how long you had to suffer.
Keep at it- I'm telling myself it will pass and every step forward is a step away from all the meno rubbish. x
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Thank u all....yes Im truly lucky that I'm getting amazing support from round about me......BUT I'm also lucky to have you all that's posted on here and private mailed me, you are all very encouraging ......and from the bottom of my heart u have ALL helped me and I wish I could actually see each of you individually,hug you and thank you.....
Coldethyl: I've never heard of primary care, is it like a health centre? Anyway I'm so sorry to hear you've had an awful day, I'm sending you a special cozy hug......please please don't think of it as a step forward two steps back..... Please think of it as a "blip"!.....I know what you mean about the broken arm, sore throat scenario ......because if I go out I don't want people asking me why I'm not at work......because it's not straight forward to explain.....whereas it's easier to say anything else! Let me know how you are tomorrow, I'll be thinking of you xxxx
CLKD, this made sound really daft, but what do you think I should put on the note, I usually walk in to docs and fall apart crying xxxx
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I'm not sure if this is what CLKD meant, but I make a list of my symptoms, every last little thing, even if I'm sure it's unrelated (for example, painful toe that I stubbed on the chair). I mark which are most bothersome to me. And I write down questions I have and my own suspicions about my symptoms. That way I can be sure if the doctor never mentions something, I can say "could this be causing it?" Then he has a chance to put my mind at ease or look further it.
I have to do it this way because I get nervous and shy and I have a tendency to minimize or hide my symptoms and act like I'm feeling better than I really am. I once went in for antibiotics thinking I had infected insect bites, but I actually had a raging case of shingles. I completely overlooked the fact that I felt awful, just wanted something for those itchy painful inflamed bites!
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Firstly - nothing is daft, silly, stupid here ;) and I would 2nd Lizab's response - jot down what bothers me the most, hand the list over and ask my GP to prioritise. Last time I went with a list he kept looking over my shoulder and asking me 'next' ;D.
If I don't get the response I would like ;), I go back a few weeks later and say "I obviously wasn't listening last time, could you remind me what we decided about ……… " - that way I have built up a working relationship in the last 25 years. When I was very ill he fitted me in 'as necessary' if only to tell me 'let the medication do the work'.
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Hi Jedi, just reading your post. Where would I find a counsellor that specialises in womens health? Thanks Charliegirl.
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Hi all...
Well went to docs AGAIN...
Told her I'd be on this site and the info I'd been given by all you lovely ladies and how much I'd poured my heart out ...cut to the chase....I start the gel hrt tomorrow..... Finally feel I'm starting to see a glimpse of me, I even went to my friends house tonight and actually laughed, really laughed, .......AND, I made tea tonight for me n my hubby, granted it was sausages eggs n beans....but it was what I wanted, I've mainly been living on sandwiches or toast and leaving him to get what he wanted-or, getting a meal that I just threw in oven
Compared to a week ago.....well, I can see chinks of light xxx
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Well done Mandz - you ve accomplished so much in the last few days and you should feel proud of yourself :). I m sure you ll see a big improvement on the gel, I definitely have. Don't forget you will still have bad days - that's life - and remember they pass and there are years of good days ahead now ;D ;D
Xxx
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Panda : I'm lying here in my bed, just waiting for shower to be free.... I'm a bit weepy this morning, was trying to ask DH if he's "fed up" of all this, he said no it's just how it is just now, but it was unconvincing......I know him well enough ..... I really feel for him,
,
Ahhhh well I'll get my gel today, and see what today has in store xxx
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Why NOT believe your husband :bang: :bang: :bang: what do you want him to say?
When I feel guilty Himself says 'it is what it is' ……… this too will pass ;-)
Was the GP supportive?
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I know CLKD.... Just being mega hypersensitive I suppose....
Had quite a nice day in the end, sun was out, but still brass monkeys..... We just went a run in the car, and had Chinese this evening and I actually properly watched a film...." Time travellers wife".... Lovely film, but I properly cried at the end but it was a "relief cry" if there is such a thing......
But I must tell u : my meds are now 15mg mirtazapiine before bed..... And a diazepam......and I made a booboo, picked up my escitralopram (for morning) and took it by mistake.....oh well, it's Saturday evening, could have been worse!!!!! ;D
Sparkle : I'm not getting the gel till tues......would you believe,6chemists in our town, no-one had it ......so they've had to order it in
Panda: she said I could apply it to my arms or shoulders or inner thighs.... Again, it may sound daft, but is any of the options the best recommended site or is it just ur own preference?
Love m xxx
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Glad you are feeling better Mandz - little by little you should see an improvement!
Re the gel - it depends which one you've been given - Sandrena (the sachets) say apply to lower part of body but Oestrogel suggest arms shoulders or inner thighs but not on or near the breasts. I am puzzled by the difference between the two, as the patches also only give below the waist as application sites.
However the most important thing aside from not near breasts is that skin contact (where you applied the gel) with anyone else (and also pets) should be avoided for at least one hour after application to avoid transference - so the time of day you apply it might affect where you decide to apply it - eg perhaps not on your thighs at night. I don't use oestrogel but from what I've read many women apply it in the morning probably for this reason. (I use Tesosterone gel and apply this in the morning). I'm sure someone else will be along with advice on this - but if not you could start a new thread in the Menopause section specifically about the gel if you want?
Hopefully when you are feeling better on it you might be able to gradually stop some of the other meds! (The diazepam are addictive I understand).
Good luck with it all :)
Hurdity x
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Hi hurdity
Ahhhh all that makes sense..... Thank you for reply,
Yes diazepam meant to be highly addictive,I told the pyciatrist, although I was prescribed 3x a day, I was only taking 1or 2 at a push..... He said if I was happy with that that was fine, but I really only want to take before bed to help ease the churned up knotted feeling in mornings
Lots of love m xx
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Does it work for you? Then use as necessary?
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Yes CLKD, thank-u, I know it seems daft, all these thoughts n feelings going on inside..... But sometimes just someone saying what you've just said makes it seem...alright!!!
I'm really good at giving advice or trying to be helpful, and I do take advice on board..... But I just struggle so hard with the thought of not being at work ---- although I must admit it's not so hard as it was.....
On a more positive note..... Although I still couldn't face going to our local asda,i went to out of town one....I made chops, potatoes and veg for evening meal tonight, ......and I did some ironing.....
Slowly slowly xxxx
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Little steps. When I had counselling in the 1990s I would come home and talk about the sessions: Himself would tell me "I told you all that, why doesn't it work when I tell you?" ::) When I offered 'listening/counselling' over the 'phone he would shout "Pity you don't take your own advice!" :D
Because I knew that the Valium: and now the current emergency pill: works, then I take it as necessary. I no longer go into panic mode in case I'm left high and dry without anything to ease the anxiety.
Once you get used to being at home, you'll be more relaxed. If you had 'flu etc. ;-)
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Hi Mandz
Thanks for pm, but I need to make a few more posts until I can respond direct. Glad to hear you are on the up and thanks for your support
Rx :) :)
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I could reply straight away
Top right hand corner of private message
M xxx
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Bless him... My son got home from being at his girlfriends for a few days.... He's bought me a book The Secret by Rhonda Byrne ....anyone read it??
Anyway I've been awake since around 8.... And been trying to motivate myself to get up, Monday morning, and feeling guilty at not going to work.... But I know it's silly, just can't seem to shake it off ..... :(
Xx
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Yes, read The Secret - it's quite good - full of positivity and doing gratitude exercises (that's if you do them and don't just read the book like me ;D). I had also read Louise Hay's book - You can Change Your Life, which is more or less the same theme. It's worth a read though.
x
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I just thought that was the sweetest thing-bless him xx
Well I've got up and I've hoovered properly downstairs and washed my kitchen floor--- it's a bit of a start
......... And ohhhh to my shame I found a tub of cream in my fridge dated 27/12/15.... It made me smile as well as cringe :P
Love m x
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Hi
It is little acts of kindness like that that make a real difference to your day.
A colleague gave me a book to read 'The Chimp Paradox' which explains why we react to situations either as a Chimp or a Human - and how we can control the bits of our brains that tell us what is appropriate. It was very interesting, gave me an insight in to why I am flying off the handle at the moment - only problem is the same rules of self help don't apply when your hormones are all over the place. Still worth a read - had some stuff on confidence etc too. We should write a book - The Hormonal Chimp Paradox'!?
Mandz, I still can't pm - (top right just gives me option to remove message) will keep posting and see what happens!
Rx
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You haven't been here long enough to send PMs?
Do we have a MM Forum Library now then ;)
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I needed to have made 10 posts before I could pm - just did that and hey presto a reply button emerged!
We could add recommendations to the 'Books' tab...? ;D
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Picked up my gel today, and just a quick question, is it one pump per rub in??? Xx
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That's a technical question ;D ::) ……… could you ring a Pharmacist locally? then let us know ;)
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I re-read the instructions and I believe it is a pump per rub :)
Felt a bit squeamish this morning-I'm presuming it's maybe the change in medication xx
Other than that, hopefully things seem to be a lot calmer with me this last couple of days, and looking back over the last couple of months I'm realising at times I must have been awful/hard work to live with..... And it hurts realising it
I've to phone fri to get an extension on my work leave....
.....and I got a letter in today from physiatric doctor that he's recommended I see a pycologist..... Got mixed feelings about this all, kinda feel I'm failing myself- if that makes sense!!??!
Xx
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Mandz you're not failing yourself - you've just had a really tough time. Menopause is also very very hard for some people (as I found out!). Be kind to yourself. Sending lots of hugs xxx
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Thank you ladies,
I just feel I'm draining folk around me.... I'm trying so hard, don't get me wrong I'm feeling better than last week
Sorry just needed a moan xxxxx
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A Psychiatrist can prescribe and is able to admit patients to hospital when necessary.
A Psychologist can't. He/she can advise, listen, help people talk through problems with the aim of them finding a way through. He/she can recommend that the client sees a GP to discuss medication requirements, or referral to other specialities.
It's about aiding the client to find a way to deal with history or moving forwards. If you are hungry, do you not eat ;). Don't berate yourself, there is no need to tell anyone that you think might not be sympathetic. I don't tell anyone these days, not many people are on a 'need to know' basis! especially family ;)
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Thank u CLKD.... Ur words are wise :)
As I've said before, sometimes just someone else telling me it's "ok" is all I need..... Because I feel people I know say things because they think , that's what I want to hear, rather than them be honest.....whereas on here, we all seem to be honest and open,
What a godsend 🌺
Love m xx
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I'm further down the line than you are!
This is a woman who thought that she would never leave our house again :'(. DH walked the dogs, fed the cats, cooked for me, went to work, took my medication with him, travelled home at lunch time to make sure that I took medication and ate …… 3 months B4 I dared set foot outdoors and another 18 B4 I could consider travelling into town for shopping. I'm the fastest thing leaving a store without a half-filled trolley on this Earth!
Little steps ;)
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Mandz where you are now emotionally is not where you will be forever - it just takes time and the right medication and figuring out a routine that works for you. You may feel like you're draining people around you but you're not. You're just seeking reassurance and anybody would in your circumstances - that's what's lovely about this board - a heck of a lot of women have gone through a tough time with menopause so it's a good place to seek support and reassurance.
Honestly, before it all happened to me, I wouldn't have thought that menopause could be so difficult and often the people who are closest to us who don't have any experience or knowledge of dealing with menopause and its impact can be ignorant of what's going on and might not necessarily be able to have the empathy to meet you where you are emotionally ... I really struggled with this when I was ill ... what I needed most was kindness and some of the best people I found who helped me were people who were just quiet and accepted me as I was .. but they aren't always around. Which is why this board and the support you get from it is a good thing! Hugs xxx
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Hi I'm 48
Was on citralopram for 5+ years having suffered depression on n off for years!!! Had a hysterectomy 3yrs ago
After my step father passed away Nov 2014 I dipped all of las year.... By October I was struggling, went to doc and told her along with struggling I was having terrible sweats- not during sleep- and constantly tired.......
I was given ellese 1 mg and put on mirtazapiine 45mg
Fortnight or so later was feeling bit worse-got app with other doc.... Put on beta blockers propranolol 80mg
Still not getting there, and really struggling to hold it together at work n home!!!! People now aware that I'm not me and really emotional
Back to doc, told to stick with it......
Three weeks ago saw a poster at work offering 6 counselling sessions for employers in the works toilet, phoned in pure desperation, had 3rd session yesterday ( she suggested this site)
Also Week before that returned to doc ...... Signed off work for 4weeks..... And waiting for psychiatrist appointment..... And given diazepam
I actually don't feel any better..... Yesterday I cried, what seemed like the whole day.... Went to see pharmacy to ask about tablets.... Explained that I'm not getting any better......in fact I was sobbing begging for some kind of help.... She phoned the health centre and duty doc said they were aware of my case.....
I'm just off phone from doctors .... Can't get an appointment but told duty doc will contact me today!!!! I feel like a complete nutcase, like I'm continually hounding the doctor ..... But I honestly just want help, I want to be me with a purpose to my life not just opening my eyes and dreading the day starting
I can't think to shop.....I can't think to do housework ..... I just cry n cry with this horrible churned up feeling in my stomach......
I feel lonely even though I've a couple of friends I've confided in.....
My husband is trying to be understanding but I know it's getting him down...... He works hard and rarely and I mean rarely has there been a meal at home for him, I'm only managing to do the bare essentials of housework, which is upsetting me too.......
I don't want people to see me........ AND IM CRYING ..... AGAIN
OH sweetie pie
By the the things you wrote I can take it your like my son and Mum clinicly deppressd yes?
OK Betas help but they can take up to 3 weeks to work same for Antidepreessants
There are also a lot of bETAS i TAKE THEN on a iregular basis Im on them now I take Inderal 40
See the therapist see the trickcyclist hehehe breath breath breath
Have some sort of goal every day while your off work even if its just to write on here for a bit
Do one thing for one hour to distance yourself
Im pretty sure once they get your pills sorted you will star to feel better
Your not alone I had to give up work post meno for 2 yrs 4mnths after we moved in to a BIG HOUSE my wage was needed and no sick pay in Ozz if you dont work you dont get paid No sick via social services if you have a husband in work you get nothing but we coped you do!
I did 3 yrs of recog therapy best thing I ever did and liek you I was not only 12/000 miles away
But my Mum died at 60 and there by hangs a tale I wonder will I die at 60 Im 62 and think
Mum dead baby brother dead dad died January Im billy no mates whens the shoe going to drop
\YOUR not alone it will get better not this week or next maybe not even in a month but it will x
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Thank you again ladies
I'm having an iffy day today... Just can't be bothered with anything and I've put on the tv and all the "upbeat" people are annoying me.....I want to be like them, but trying to be positive, I'm counting my blessings 🌼
CLKD u sound such a strong woman now, I read a lot that you post and I for one take on board a lot of what you say:thank you so much xxx
Green fields: yes I do need reassurance, my confidence has totally been battered this past couple of years, thank you xxx
Love m xx
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Ohhh suzi, I'm so saddened to read you're post, I'm sending much hugs, greif and thoughts are really hard and it creeps up at times you least expect it
I'm off my beta-blockers, though I think my ibs has flared since stopping but it's ok, it's bearable
I'm on diff meds now....fingers crossed xxx
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Not good today.... Really anxious, still lying in my bed, really tired and stomach is churning up
Trying so hard to be fine, hope it's just " one of those days"
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Yes Mandz, it will be just one of those days.....feel heaps better today than I did yesterday...don't know why each day is so different. Be kind to yourself. My therapist has just told me to just look after 'me' and if it means being selfish for once, then so be it. We are the only ones who can make ourselves better at the end of the day. Give yourself some space....sometimes a duvet day is all we need. Hope you feel better soon. :bighug:
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HI Mandz
I'm havng a pooh day today too... yesterday I felt so much better so it feels doubly yuk today - I hate feeling anxious, I was supposed to be meeting a friend for coffee and she cancelled (for very valid reason), and my boss didn't respond to an email so I've been brooding (in between trying to work from home and do some ironing) as to what I have done wrong - madness. Going to go for a swim and see if that helps. Also Mothering Sunday is looming...
Big hug and take care of yourself - my mantra 'this will pass' and i've been listening to Jesse Glynn's song 'Dont be so hard on yourself'!!
:hug:
Rx
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Hi ruthae,
How spooky I just messaged you to see how you are doing
I cancelled an evening out with some friends to a quiz night.....organised while back, my friend was lovely about it and understands, but I just couldn't do it!
Was meant to collect my sick note for next week but I just can't face going out the house today.....
Good ur going for a swim, that'll be a huge help...
At least I'm out my bed showered n dressed!!!
I may tackle some ironing later, while watching emmerdale
Hugs m xx
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Ha - must be telepathic!
I'm lucky there is a gym just round the corner that I joined last week - so not much effort involved, though as you say sometimes just going out the house is an effort. I'm actually having a swimming lesson - I can't do the under water breathing - trying to remain calm that I can do it...
Right better get my cozi on!
Take care, and thanks for thinking of me
Rx
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Ruthae: well done you, I hoe your swimming went well,
Isn't it a pity a lot of us members on here didn't live nearer each other to give support ( maybe some do)- just to give each other support.... There again a lot of us might not open up as we do on the forum...
These last few days have been a struggle.... My poor father-in-law, (I love him to bits) popped in this morning for a cuppa and I broke down to him and wittered on about menopause, poor man, he was lovely- but when I'm thinking of it now I'm kind of giggling, he must have thought I'd cracked!!!!! He gave me a hug and just said that he just wanted to see me being back to me so just do whatever it takes- he's just a sweetly-pie
Xxx
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Hi Mandz
Hope today is better for you - giggling is great we need to laugh more! - The unpredictable nature of the emotions is a whole thing in itself itsn't it... I went in to work on Wednesday for a back to work interview (I've been on reduced hours sick leave working from home for 4 weeks) - I've suggested I go back for one day a week and working from home for a couple of days, but I don't know whether it is the right thing even now - they don't tolerate crying very well... it upsets the rest of the workforce... I need to get a different job, but really not in the right place to do it now!
Yes, I think you are right it can be more difficult to open up in person - though sometimes it just all spills out as you said - we would be one big soggy MM mess. I ended up crying at my swimming lesson because I couldn't get the legs, arms and breaths to work together (thankfully I had warned the instructor I was menopausal and she was so lovely and caring that made me cry even more!) Luckily the water and goggles disguised the tears and snotty nose! - I think i might have been a bit too ambitious but it seemed like a good idea when I booked it... anyway she helped me work through it and now I feel much more confident, so it turned out ok in the end.
How long have you been on the gel etc now - are you noticing a difference?
Rx
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Mandz I think the forum works because the anonymity makes it easier to open up. I have belonged to forums in the past and met other members in real life. It is fine at first but doesn't work out long term because the foundations of friendship that take a while to build are just not there.
I like online friendship, and in its way it is just as real, only more manageable for me as there are less expectations.
If I feel low I always get a lift from reading posts and perhaps responding to a few of them :)
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Ruthae, before Christmas I signed up for swimming lessons but only managed 3 weeks, it was too much, the weekly commitment and the physical demand as I can never tell how I feel when the time comes.
I am not saying never, just not now but I was pleased I tried. there was a time I could not even bring myself to try things.
Be kind to yourself.
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Yes you are right, and I've said previously .....it's easier to write how I feel rather than say it
Awwww ruthae- that's a shame- but my gawd I take my hat off to you for going, I love swimming, it's the freedom feeling I like( in pools where no-one knows me) ......I'm glad your instructor was kind..... But I think u did fab 🐬
I signed up for art classes on Tuesday evenings..... I've been to 4.... It's 2hours of emptying my head of thoughts....I really like it
Ruthae: I've been on gel 4nights now.... I was putting a pump each on each thigh first 3 nights ..... But last night I just put on one pump on my thighs as I read on website it's only meant to be one pump unless advised by doc.... But she never said---- or I can't remember!!!
Ruthae: can you contact HR to help you? Xx
Hugs m x
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Ps: babyjane, I know you will do that lessons, you've the right attitude....🌸
Love m x
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Hi babyjane - I was just reading your post on Therapy in Private Lives when you responded - these coincidences, spooky...
I have started seeing a Gestalt Councellor, I previously had a few NLP sessions to help me get through a professional viva about 7 years ago but that just helped box up the emotions and move on rather than address the 'roots' as you describe in your post. I'll post more on your thread - but the question of hormones affecting anxiety and anxiety affecting hormones is a bit of a quandry...
I just booked one swimming lesson to see how I got on, and am going to practice before I book another, one a week would def be too much. As Mandz says I am sure you will go back to it. Mandz - art is great therapy, I did a degree in fine art and worked in a gallery for 15 yrs before my career change.
Mandz, early days with the gel then - fingers crossed. I've stopped everything for now, to see what happens I feel like the synthetic progesterone has poisoned me and want to get back to what are the 'natural' symptoms until I have an appointment at the NHS meno clinic and can then try the gel to see if that works for me. I might be being harsh about work, that was their attitude before I got signed off sick - I will see how Tuesday goes, and if bad then maybe HR is the route. What scares me is that they will take me off the interesting projects and put me on boring stuff because I can't be 'trusted' - and although I can understand that it is the way they are doing it that is making me anxious and 'written-off' (crying at the thought) - deciding what is best for me rather than discussing it with me. I'll get paid the same so I should just let go, but it just feels such a wasted opportunity as I worked really hard to retrain to do this job 10 years ago...
Did you have bad PMS before the menopause - seems to be a common symptom of progesterone intolerance from other posts - but it wasn't a question the Dr asked me - would have helped if she had!!
Crikey that was a long post - but is does feel good to get it all out... better go and do something more interesting (remember that programme...?)..
Rx
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Hi Mandz,
Been away and logged on tonight and saw your thread.
I'd just like to say 'well done' and hang on in there. :foryou:
As in my earlier post I have been where you are.
You have done so well and there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Just want to send you a :bighug: X
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Don't worry about it being "long winded".... I'm just glad to get responses....it doesn't make me feel so alone.....or that I'm not just "being daft". ..... So it probably helps other members reading this(hopefully) because it took me a few days reading others posts to help me
If you feel that your work has taken you off interesting jobs, then that's when HR can step in.....but, maybe you need to just have some work with no pressure just for now! Or are they maybe seeing it as helping you? .......I don't know about you but I seem to analyse things, and I know it's ridiculous, it could be as little as someone not replying quick enough to a text, but my mind goes into overtime.... Maybe they are fed up of me, maybe I've done something to offend them....daft huh!!!??!!
Hugs m xx
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Dyan: thank u so much
I still feel very very emotional,and very wobbled in the mornings, but I can see that I'm improving-not as fast or as big as I would like, but it's there! Being by myself all days the hardest, and going anywhere myself is a huuuuuuge struggle .....
But I'm hanging on ....🌻
Hugs m x
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I know exactly what you mean - I keep doing just that ....' - classic anxiety behavior!! I sometimes think my brain is going to explode with over-thinking :bang: And the anxious moments of 'should I send another text, don't want to appear needy, maybe they didn't get the text. They probably do have my best interest at heart (teenager brain again...) :hotflash:.
How was your day?
Be good if we are helping other people too :)
:hug:
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Apart from dissolving in front of my father in law it's been a quiet day
Takeaway this evening
Tomorrow I'm going to do my weekly shop ..... Again not at my local asda..... Can't face that yet.... But at least I'm doing a shop
Hugs m x
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Thanks for your comments ruthae
threads like these are supportive of one another :hug:
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Good luck with your shopping today, but yourself a little treat 😃
Rx
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Thanks ruthae: just telling myself ally's good in the world and to get myself going
Post you all later xx
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Thinking of you Mandz :hug:
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That was 10 years ago when you did your re-training ……. a long time which has not been wasted!
Little steps. I got back to shopping by not having to buy stuff, I would wander through the store and worry more about being stopped for shoplifting ;D ……… and I never let the cupboard run bare so I don't back myself into a corner. Me, I prefer shopping alone; don't have to justify myself to anyone if I need to come home.
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Hi, well I've done my shopping, and to be honest apart from sausages I've bought nothing to make a decent meal ....
But hey ho, none of us will starve, I must be feeling a bit perkier because I took ruthae said advice and I bought myself two tops-lol!
I also bought my son-as a wee surprise- new bedding, liquorice all sorts print, in asda if you see it, thought it was rather funky and he's a devil for sweets!!! So he's home from his girlfriends tonight
Sunday's I always make roast dinner, haven't done one since beginning of January, and thought I'd maybe do t today....nope.... But maybe next week....
Hugs m xx
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The point is - how did you feel whilst shopping :-\
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Well I was fine CLKD, just me, a little bit anxious but nothing to write home about 😌
Well me n hubby a just had Sunday dinner ...."big bowl of semolina with a blob of jam"..... U got to laugh 😆 .....kind of feel a bit of a rebel!!
My intention is to tint my hair tomorrow morning- don't think I've ever let my roots get as bad as this either xxx
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Oh haven't had that for years :P …… chocolate was my favourite, in Primary School 1 couldn't have 2nd helpings of the chocolate if one didn't like the vanilla semolina :-\ and the Dinner Ladies remembered >:( :D
Glad you felt fairly OK! It will improve!
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Isn't it a pity a lot of us members on here didn't live nearer each other to give support ( maybe some do)- just to give each other support.... There again a lot of us might not open up as we do on the forum...
Xxx
Hi there Mandz
Someone else suggested this a while back and actually I think it's a great idea - because menopause support groups etc do not seem to exist. I think the main problem is that this forum is just not big enough for there to be enough people in one area who want to meet up - unlike on mumsnet which is massive and I know they have meet-up groups on there. You don't know until you try though !
This forum is brilliant and offers amazing virtual internet support to many -but of course virtual friends cannot be like friends in real life - you cannot replace the warmth and friendship and real hugs with virtual ones - well real ones are a bonus!
I have had good experience from the very limited number of forums I have been on - so I have met, spoken on the phone, become facebook friends with and e-mail several forum members and have (mostly!) not been disappointed! The thing about opening up to members on here Mandz is that in one sense actually you know them more deeply than you would perhaps someone in real life, so that if you did meet someone - you already have that shared bond. Thatls what l've found.
A year or two back a member posted on here that a group of five of them had been chatting together through their menopausal years and she reported that over 5 years most of them had got to meet each other even though they actually lived a long way apart - and I thought that was amazing.
If you want to try it then I suggest you just post a new thread to ask if there is anyone who lives in a particular town or county (if the town is v small!) that might want to meet - and ask them to pm you - obviously we keep our actual detailed location private ( if you prefer) but you never know! Don't get your hopes up because as I said this forum has fewer active members.
Good luck - if you decide you want to try it :)
Hurdity x
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Thanks CLKD.... Yes it brings me back to childhood school meals too.....ahhhh carefree days xxx
Hurdity: yes that's lovely that some members met up and got on well
I live in NE. Scotland so some members may not understand my accent lol
Yes virtual hugs are not the same as real ones.......and although I've had some amazing support, I've felt soooooo lonely, ashamed, sad, self-loathing, pathetic .....mainly scared and pitiful ".........l but being on here reading, and re-reading my thread I've had a lot of comfort from it, because the lovely ladies just " get me" ..... So it would be nice just to speak face-to-face at times
Sorry I've waffled a bit .....again lol xxx
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Would starting up a menopause group with your Surgery, maybe asking the Practice Nurse to run sessions? that way 1 can be a part of a group without giving too much away ;)
NE Scotland - lots of snow?
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Don't know if they would agree.... It's always a possibility
No snow where we are .....but 25 miles away or so it's like a different world!,, we can have seriously four seasons in one day, it can change in the blink of an eye..... But it's a beautiful place to live xx
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Hi Mandz
That's brilliant you got out, glad you got some treats too!! I gave up on the hair dye some time ago, couldn't be bothered with the faff and cost and I love my hair now it is in great condition , and all the young things are having theirs dyed grey now 😃. But I'm having a blue tint put on on Weds to cheer me up, hair dresser comes to the house so that is easier.
We have tinned rice pudding quite often!!
Good idea from CKLD def worth asking when you are next there. shame you are so far away.
I have been wondering what the statistics are for women who suffer more severe symptoms are, though i guess it may be hard to establish as so many are silent. When my GP suggested time off she said should she put 'stress' on my sick note!! I said why would youbdp that band she said most people don't want to say it is the menopause....so no wonder there are few groups...
Rx
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Hi ruthae
I was a hairdresser up until I was 39.... But I went to evening classes and did voluntary work on my days off to get my foot in the door to do my present job, I would actually really love to teach maths, but I feel times marching on and I can't be bothered with the studying and I like what I do.....maybe in my next life-and as a man ;D
A friend of mine text earlier to see if I want to go out for lunch tomorrow so I've said yes.... So maybe hair will have to wait another day
Hope this week brings us new happiness ladies xx
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You sound so much more optimistic now Mandz, I m so pleased. Ups and downs will still be the order of the day I m sure but that's just life! Keep going and you ll win most battles and eventually the war ;D.
Panda xx
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Hi ladies xx
Thanks hurdity but don't know if I've the concentration to study: I work at a secondary school in support for learning in mainstream school
Feeling a bit stronger today:went for lunch with my friend and I was fine, still couldn't face going locally though, but hey enjoyed the run, think I could get use to being chauffeured around 🙂
Picked up my extended sick line and that's me off till after Easter::::: surely, surely I will be up to work then 🙏🏻
Hugs m xx
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Little steps :bighug:
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Thank u CLKD
I'm just sooooo desperate to be sorted out, isn't it just so unfair that we have so much to go through, as if life can't be hard enough without the added stress of menopause....
There again if you think about the amount of members there is on this site, how many more women out there that are struggling
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Hi Mandz - have faith that you will turn a corner, because you will and sounds as if you are managing to do a few more things that you want to do with less anxiety. Sometimes it seems that hindsight can tell us how bad we have been feeling and coping and also it can tell us when we have got a bit better. It isn't always easy to see either when we are in it!
I was a learning support tutor until 5 years ago and also thought about teacher training and decided against it because I wanted to pursue other things, but if more of me had been sure, I would have done it and I was 41 at the time. You are in a great job to pursue this next step, either now or in a year or so. Really, you are not old :) When I called about the training they actually said they need more mature teachers xx
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Or pursue a teaching assistant post? Valued without being stressed, no lesson plans etc. to have to consider!
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:bighug: for you Mandz. X
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Yeah. I enjoy my job, be better if there wasn't so much politics, but well goes with the territory
Oh well got counsellor tomorrow and evening art class 🙂
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Hope you get on ok with counsellor tomorrow Mandz.
How has your day been today?
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Thanks dyan
My days been fine: felt more like me today
My sick leaves been extended:so looking to be back to work after Easter hols...
Hopefully this is start of me getting on the right track 🙏🏻
M xx
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Let us know ………
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Hi all
Well I've had the busiest day
Got a phone call from a friend that heard through grapevine that I was off, she's off work too having had an op on her foot beginning of Feb, so I got showered and dressed and went to aldis......yes it was local, did the fastest sweep of the shop known to man, threw in stuff into basket along with flowers and a sandwich for each of us....and headed to hers
Went straight to counsellor straight from hers at 3.... Didn't feel so emotional at it today, although there was some tears!
In meantime other friend said to go straight to hers for tea then went to evening class for my art....
New meds and hrt gel must be working its magic......
I even booked to get my hair done at hairdressers on Thursday as a cheer me up.......instead of doing it myself.... So fingers crossed that I keep going in this direction
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Mandz, that is such good news ;D
What an inspiration, keep going! Gives me hope thatvHRT can be the answer.
:foryou: :bighug:
Rx
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Little steps. Don't do too much as you begin to feel better or you will burn up that good energy - pace yourself!
How did you feel yesterday underneath?
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Hi ruthae- love the hugs xx
Well the only things that's changed in my life .....apart from the fact that I'm not at work is my meds: even my counsellor said that.....
Ok, I'm not miracously ( is that how it's spelt?) cured, but I can function, which is more than I could barely do a few weeks ago....
I know I'm not out of the woods, but I really think maybe the hrt gel is wonder gel ☺️
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……. which may require a hike occasionally to keep the 'right' dosage to ease symptoms.
Keep a mood/food diary?
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CLKD: truthfully there was still panic, and still felt emotional but it wasn't so intense as a couple of weeks ago
Today I'm exhausted, I'm actually lying in my bed writing this but as soon as I click post message I'm going for my shower...
I'm just gonna be having a day at home today xx
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I found that too - if I had a 'good' day in that I could do stuff but with background anxiety, I would be washed out the next >:(
Enjoy your shower!
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Yes that's it, I had a bit of a restless night which didn't help, but I'm ok, just gonna chill at home and rest up, as you say .....don't run before I can walk xx
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Hello
Yes same here, i think we need to to not get too carried away, but it is hard not to. I had a good functioning day at work yesterday but restless night and teary this morning. I am trying day on day off... Only manageable as I am on an estrogen only week. Femostan progesterone gave me bad reaction....
Also this morning I got a letter from the menopause clinic to say my '2-3 wks' referral is in May!... so will be going to new Dr on Monday with print out from here to request the gel and utrogestan... I cant wait another 2 months.
I so want this to pass... off to see Coucellor now so that should help...
So good to be able to vent on the forum :thankyou:
Rx
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It is good to vent: even to realise that so many of us are struggling.
Reading through so many peoples threads etc, it seems we have become woman that have so much going on in our lives ie children and their hectic lifestyles, aging parents, workloads, housekeepers, bereavement (one way or another: parents, siblings, friends, children), husbands/partners(struggling to understand), etc etc"........... Then throw haywire hormones into the mixture...... No wonder there were places like WRI- does it still exist?- or bingo- that women gathered at in days gone by that they poss were able to get advice from other women
Am I rambling?.. (Lol)
Well, I'm getting my hair done today-just gearing myself up, but I'm sure I'll be fine, fingers crossed xxx
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:'( :'( :'( :'(
First time on here, I'm so desperate, cry every day and all day for past couple of months. Every day is such a struggle, from around 5am I have a deep sick nauseous and nervous feeling, keep checking my phone hoping it's not time to get up.
My doctor did a blood test but my estrogen level was fine? My Vitamin D was very low and cholesterol was high but that's it. I begged her to give me something, was baling in front of her but she said no, she needs to speak to a specialist clinic about premature menopause to determine the correct dosage medication. (My mother went through menopause at 39, I'm now 41). I left devastated, each day is such a struggle. Walking around like a zombie saying in my head ‘I can't do this anymore' but I don't actually have a recent trauma that may have triggered any of this.
I can't be bothered to do much either, my daughters both cook and clean mostly, I don't go out (other than work) or even watch tv anymore. My doctor today said I can pick up a prescription for HRT but I can't start it until my next period which may be 3-5 weeks away!
I don't understand why I'm being given HRT if my Estrogen levels where fine? Why can't I just be given ant-depressants to help this all go away??
:-\ :-\ :-\
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Awwww aneece
My heart goes out to you sweetheart, can you poss see another doc? Phone tomorrow and get emergency appointment, I can't understand why the doc would leave you struggling with nothing, or poss go to health food shop like Holland and Barrett see if they can help?
Have a look through some forums, somebody might be able to help with other suggestions
Let me know how you get on xxxx
Hugs m xx
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I was thinking of the vitamin D thing too sparky as mine was recently found to be low and I am using the spray Taz2 uses - well not the exact same one obviously ::)
Apparently low vit D can contribute to depression which is why we feel better on a sunny yellow day that a damp grey one :)
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It's been a lovely sunny day here....but hit 5o click time and it gets really cold
Git my hair done today sparkle....bit of a boost!
Then a wee while after I got home one of my colleagues dropped off a card from whole school and an orchid....feeling blessed ☺️ Was so lovely to read the messages xx
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It did especially when I felt so guilty for not working ..... Bit of a relief to be honest xx
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Oh most definitely,
How are you getting on sparkle?? Xx
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I know you've probably heard this before..... But I totally rate aloe Vera juice-tastes revolting, but it's fantastic for digestive problems and totally natural
It can also relieve discomfort xxx
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A friend bought me a bottle of that from a Chinese supermarket - apparently it is what all the trendy Chinese students drink. It tasted ok - I'll see if I can find/remember the brand
Rx
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Thanks ladies! doctor had receptionist post me a prescription for Vit D which I never got last month, but they don't check to see if we receive and I wait patiently like a donut! lol in the end just went to chemist and bought it myself. started the day feeling nervous and nauseous as normal, got to work and watched a video on facebook about how a business helps a poor boy polishing shoes in the street to buy his mum a washing machine. I know there is lots of heart reaching videos out there but it got me baling and out of my system. Feel much better, sun is shining woooohoooo that always helps! now I can get on with my day, well at least until the next emotional drama I face over 'no reason', but at least its hope and am taking each hour by the hour and before I know it the day is done!
I cant believe you ladies have recommended Aloe which is right under my nose! I'm not advertising but I distribute Forever products who have the purest Aloe on the market, I am going straight home and starting that, thank you ladies xx
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Hi sparkle I haven't taken it in long time, but I didn't stick to a particular brand.....somebody I use to work with who had a lot of digestive problems-- due to the fact she suffered anorexia--- rated marks n Spencer's
I have an aloe plant, which I use for things like scalds blisters sore skin etc,
Got my gp this afternoon, she will have had letter from my physiatrist, so see what's been said today xx
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Fingers crossed for you Mandz x
Sunshine is lovely today, feel like sitting in the park, all my colleague smokers are outside soaking it all in :-(
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All was well at doc today: but sadly she told me she is leaving in 6weeks, she hugged me and said she was so pleased that at last I was getting there, I'm totally gutted she's leaving, I had all my trust in her, but she said she couldn't tell me before because I was so fragile, I'm seeing her in four weeks then that will be my last 😩😢
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A neighbour sells aloe vera products - apparently it helps with joint problems (though tastes foul) quite successfully! I had a lovely plant in the 1970s, it flowered a couple of times; I won a prize in a Show, the following week it keeled over ;D. It had been eaten by vine weevil grubs >:(.
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Sparkle: she is just so lovely, very thorough and I just felt so comfortable and at ease with her, I'm truly gutted. I always made a point of seeing her if there was anything
Just feels like another hurdle to get through 😟
Agreed CLKD... It does taste yuk, but I really rate aloe xx
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Well one of my workmates is coming for me in a wee while and we are heading to my LOCAL asda to do our shop, although I'm a bit apprehensive I'm determined to do it, I just want to get back to me and able to cope..... Hopefully if it's busy I'll disappear into obscurity
I can but try xx
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I DID IT!!!
I never did a big shop, but I got what I needed, it was good that I had someone with me that understands......
Another step in the right direction
It maybe sounds a bit pathetic but to me it's a lot xxx
Thanks sparkle xxx
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You did it :medal: - I never let the cupboards go bare so that I don't have to shop on any particular day. Maybe go daily and buy 1 item, I used to go and look round in order to test myself. Worried more that I would be picked up for shop lifting ;D
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Awwww bless you sparkle :thankyou:
How re you today??? :tulips:
Hugs m xx
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Feeling a bit weepy today!!!
Gawwwwd, thinking I'm getting there and today feel crap, don't want to get out of bed
Feel absolutely ridiculous :(
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If I use up energy facing/tackling an event then I feel very tired the next day! Little steps …..
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Ohhh I'm just feeling really low, we went for a walk along the beach even though it was fine to get out for a while I just can't get up there....
Just a bit of a blow when I've been feeling more up
Gaaaaaawwwwwwdddddd - just wanna curl up in a ball xx
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If I use up energy facing/tackling an event then I feel very tired the next day! Little steps …..
I find this if I am out of routine or the unexpected happens. We have had a weekend house guest who is no trouble, lovely company and very easy to have around but it still changes the dynamics and drains me more than I like :(
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I totally get what you mean babyjane, anything out of the normal can totally knock me
I'm sorry ladies....just a "down" day maybe it's because it's Sunday and it's another start of a week... Daft?possibly? .....
:worm:
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I hated Sundays when I was working.
I don't like visitors 'cos they make noises in the night and I think they might be ill or they wander to the bathroom or they are in the bathroom when I need to be in there >:(
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im still signed off work
Tomorrows another day......hopefully I'll feel better xxx
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I still don't understand the nauseous feeling every morning, hate it! :'( :'( :'(
Mandz, I read your post on going shopping, I can sooooooooo relate to it, about a month ago I had to do a largish shop and left work at 12.30 for the job. I found myself wandering the aisles at my leisure and thought I was ok until I couldn't find the tub of Smash.... really got angry then frustrated, then my knees went weak and I was about to collapse in the aisle with devastation and finally composed myself and wiped the tears and went to the checkout to pay, only to read the time on the receipt was 3pm!!!! I have NO idea what the had happened and when I told my daughter (aged 20) she laughed at me ???
I finally made another GP appointment with another lady doctor who's slightly older then me for a second opinion and will hopefully be more sympathetic than the one in her early 30's i've seen who hasn't given me anything to cope with everyday life, just Femoston 2/10mg which I cant start till my next period which is still weeks away and then who knows how long it will take to kick in!
In hope and hanging in there!
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I still don't understand the nauseous feeling every morning, hate it! :'( :'( :'(
It has to be hormone related I think because hormones cause morning sickness in pregnancy.
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Not picking up today, still feeling low..... Now I've started writing this the tears have started!!!
I was doing so well ..... I'm so disappointed in myself 😥
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HORMONES! be kind to yourself!
The nausea can be due to the gut being hungry. Eating every 3 hours can ease symptoms.
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Oh Mandz don't be dissapointed, we are all doing this crazy dance and it isn't our fault.. be gentle with yourself
:foryou: :bighug:
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Not picking up today, still feeling low..... Now I've started writing this the tears have started!!!
I was doing so well ..... I'm so disappointed in myself 😥
It happens. Hormones fluctuate and we just have to go with them sometimes. I've been absolutely rubbish this last few days and I am blaming having a bleed. One day our bodies will get used to not being pumped with oestrogen but until then I think we just have to be kind to ourselves and get enough rest and good nutrition to support our bodies through this. Xx
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Thank u ladies
I feel so selfish being so miserable ..... I've really tried so hard to get better
:bang:
X
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I don't think we can help it Mandz, it isn't about trying hard because that makes us feel like failure on days we can't manage it. You can only ever do your best with what you have on any given day and if you can't manage it then be kind to yourself and do what you can. You will have days when you can manage better and days when you cannot. all you need to do is stop trying so hard and be gentle with yourself. Take reassurance from the little things you can manage
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Stop feeling selfish, ditch the guilt !!!! this is The Change of Life: so delegate? On your better days don't do too much because you will burn of any energy gained. It ain't going to alter any time soon so accommodating how you feel and what you are able to tackle will become 'normal' ::).
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CLKD is right, learn to pace yourself so you preserve energy on your better days so you feel better able to cope on your not so good days
(note to self - practice what you preach! ::))
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Awwww sparkle
I made myself a cuppa and I caught my hand on door and some spilt out, you'd think the world had stopped ... I just got myself in a tizz....ridiculous!
Think my mates are probably getting fed up of me now xxx
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There aren't mates then!
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I don't think it's that CLKD, it must be draining on them all xx
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over reacting, mountains out of molehills yes, been there, done that, got the T shirt and still doing it
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I just feel like leaving .....disappearing into obscurity when I feel like this!
It kind of makes me wonder if some women ( not all) that you hear of go missing due to feeling like this ....
I love my family dearly, and my friends but it's just the overwhelming sadness xxx
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I don't know if I want company or not, and only certain people, .....
🙏🏻 I hope tomorrow is better xx
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Thank u sparkle ....I know you've said in past that you don't sleep well, but I hope you have a restful night xx
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I am good on a one to one basis but if I have to deal with more than one person at a time I strugle. I am missing a family wedding due to these difficulties :'(
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Thinking about you Mandz.
How was your day today? :hug: X
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Babyjane: I am so sorry to hear that, is there no way you could attend? Xx
Thank you dyan, be an up and down kind of day.... Went to see my counsellor today, it was a hard session, I just couldn't put my words together what I wanted to say, everything was a struggle ..
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Well it's morning again, and I'm suppose to be going out for lunch with my old boss, she's lovely,I will go, but it's just getting my sorry ass up, I actually feel as if my body aches, I don't feel tearful today, just tired n achey.....
I "really" need/want to be fine :-\
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Mandz, just seen this...I felt like that a couple of days ago. Take a couple of paracetamol and a diazepam later just before If you have some .... I did this, went and actually got through it. It will do you good and you will feel like you have achieved something. Sit down before you go, do some deep breathing for a few minutes and tell yourself you can do it and you will. :bighug: xxx
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Babyjane: I am so sorry to hear that, is there no way you could attend? Xx
thank you Mandz, I think not. I get anxious just thinking about it as it would be a long journey, 2 days overnight stay, many people and a boisterous evening do. I realise my limitations and have had a good talk with the family and the relative whose wedding it is and they have been understanding and supportive. If I could just be beamed up and plonked down then beamed back home again afterwards maybe, but I doubt I would manage the journey without some sort of crisis at the moment which would then cause a downward spiral for the rest of it for everyone else.
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Make sure that lots of photos are taken babyjane! You will be with them in Spirit ;) and now that you have put your foot down with firm hand and said 'no' you'll feel much better about it. I couldn't go into my late F in L's funeral ……. it wasn't worth the hassle.
Learning to realise our limitations is important.
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Hi all,
Went to lunch, ordered a sandwich and couldn't face it: took it home and had it just now!
When she dropped me off the tears came, didn't want her to leave me, pathetic, just wanted her to scoop me up and make everything ok!
Anyway was ok once I got indoors, this journey is a hard one xxx
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Hi all,
Went to lunch, ordered a sandwich and couldn't face it: took it home and had it just now!
When she dropped me off the tears came, didn't want her to leave me, pathetic, just wanted her to scoop me up and make everything ok!
Anyway was ok once I got indoors, this journey is a hard one xxx
You went. Some days that is more than good enough. I know all about the tears and just wanting someone to take this all away. I had a cry on my mum at weekend but she's not great at dealing with emotion so it wasn't very satisfying. Hang in there.x
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My mum doesn't understand this either, both her n my sister have never suffered this, and as far as I am aware my mums family haven't either!
Most of my friends are pretty level .....some have had emotional issues but not to the extent that I've had.......
Sending u a cyber hug coldethyl xx
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You went! PHEW! that's that done with. Onwards …………
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Yes CLKD, if I didn't go out I'd have felt awful for not going it's a vicious circle
Damned if you do.....damned if you don't
I was just saying to someone else....there's support groups etc for people with addictions or illnesses .....but women's " problems" seems to be invisible, and we spend money with therapists counsellors etc to get help for our bodies and minds.....(gawd help those that can't afford it).... Even going online for answers I've found that it's constant: pay for answers....: pay for calming stuff etc etc
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Feeling so emotional .....taken a dip compared to last week xx
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Why the dip?
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Thanks sparkle xx
CLKD, I don't know.... Just woke on Sunday ..couldn't get myself up and just went down from there xxx
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Mandz, I so feel your troubles. I keep trying to will myself to feel better, and I have had a better run of a couple weeks. Not great, but consistently better. But today I broke again because I just don't have the drive in me anymore. I need some vivacity. I'm 39 years old and dragging around, forcing myself to get things done, and having to take breaks so frequently. It's just not me. I felt a little weird all day but pushed it aside and tried to carry on. Then the tears came. My husband was telling me about a friend's declining health and that brought it on, but something else would have started it if it hadn't been that. I felt the crying spell coming. I think I just get so exhausted with trying to keep positive and push through it makes my emotions fragile. As soon as I had dinner heating for the family, I came to bed. I'm tired of failing at everyday life. This has to get better.
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Oh lizab yes I can totally relate to that feelings....it's like everyone is coping while I'm just sitting here letting life pass me by...
And when I read everyone's life stories I feel even more guilty that I've got to sort myself out
Today I woke up and was determined I'd go to asda, I just got up showered n dressed and shot out the door before I could think
I was shaking like a leaf and sweating heart in my mouth but I did a shop and out feeling sick and home in less than an hour.....but I did it and I thought I'd feel pleased but I feel even more ridiculous in the fact that i usually do shopping without a thought x
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I can so relate to all of your pain. It is as if life is happening you other people and I'm just barely holding being alive together some days. I thought knowing that all the weird symptoms were part and parcel of the change would somehow make me able to cope with them, but the anxiety is overwhelming some days that I can't rationalise that it will pass. I don't think it helps that my HCPs seem to be intent on treating the symptoms piecemeal rather than looking at bigger picture.
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Hugs coldethyl, the anxiety can be totally overwhelming and scary xx
I feel now that people think I should be on the mend ......and I know compared to the beginning I'm up a bit, but I'm due to be back to work in 3weeks and my improvement isn't going as quick as that I think I'll be strong enough and I'm so scared I'll go backwards x
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Have you been into work to see your colleagues? Rather than waiting for your return perhaps a trip into the office will ease that worry. Talking directly to people gets current problems into the open.
Anxiety can be over-whelming - do you have any emergency medication for when it strikes? I know what causes mine but the physicality takes over :'(
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No CLKD I haven't, I keep thinking I should but again I get anxious at the thought of it xx
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I wish I could advise you on going back to work. I guess just trust that you'll be able to handle it in 3 weeks. That's kind of how I've managed through any obligations I have. I don't work, but things come up. Last month I had to stand before a judge and ask to be excused from jury duty. I worried about it for weeks, and I did for a moment think I would lose it while standing in line waiting for the others, but I managed, and after realized the anticipation is much worse than the reality. Like you, I'm better than when I started, but I think this whole ordeal has given me something like PTSD (not intending to minimize real PTSD), as now on top of actual physical symptoms which come out of the blue, I've got worrying about the anxiety popping up. I'm worrying about worrying! Ha! Anyhow, my "deadline" to feel better is now actually, as end of winter brings on some different obligations for my family. And I'm not quite ready yet. I'm am almost there, worlds above where I was a few months ago, but not much better than when I first sought help. I'm not sure how to proceed other than just not think about it. We'll make it through somehow!
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I am fortunate in that I do not have to go out to work, I don't think I could.
You have my sincere thoughts and I hope that you feel better for when you need to return. Do you have a good relationship with your colleagues?
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Could you meet them out of work for an up-2-date chat!
I do suggest talking to a Pharmacist or GP about emergency medication. I know that what I have works for me if taken immediately, some GPs worry about addiction but quality of life is important!
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Hi all,
Yesterday I got up was feeling a bit anxious but as day went on I was calmer....which is what I'm like most days, but the thought of doing anything at all and I feel the anxiety rise again......if I can avoid anything I do......my intentions are great but ....well
Mornings are just not great at all......I sleep like a baby, but wake up feeling like I haven't slept a wink....and I'm exhausted all day
WILL THIS EVER END...... I hate this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want a life not an existence......
I'm sad and angry at myself.......Inside I want to scream n punch but I haven't the energy
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a great big mahoooosive hug right back at you Mandz :bighug:
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Sorry you are feeling so up and down. It's par for the course I think until our hormones settle into some sort of arrangement with the rest of us. I think that we just get exacerbated whatever we've been like the rest of our lives at this time. I've always been anxious so not surprised that is my worse symptom... Even the flushes and other stuff bother me more because they make me worry about my BP, or whether I have some weird undiagnosed ailment rather than being just annoying in their own right. I try and deal with feeling rubbish by going out even if I don't feel like it, by practising mindfulness mediation every day and keeping my breathing nice and slow and regular as possible. It doesn't rid me of it, but makes it more manageable some of the time. Try not to beat yourself up as that only makes it worse. It is not your fault and you are doing your best. It's easy to think that others are stronger or better than you, but in my experience , they are coping because their symptoms aren't as bad.
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Aww Mandz, sorry you're not feeling so good.
I'm afraid that's the way it goes. There's been loads of times when I thought," this is it, I feel normal" only to wake up the next day and find I've gone right back.
Until you get on a level you will have dips.
Please don't be angry with yourself(been there done that) it is not your fault. You are ill.
Try to accept that and take each day,half day,hour whatever, as it comes.
:bighug: X
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Thank u ladies
I'm so fed up of myself....everyone has to deal with things, people out there are struggling everyday, I just feel really selfish xx
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…………… "people out there are struggling everyday, I just feel really selfish " ….... that's quite narcissistic. How do you know people are dealing with 'stuff'? On here we can be honest and share experiences and feelings but actually, although I know that there are people 'out there' with problems, NO ONE has bigger problems than I do when I feel ill.
When I feel OK-ish I will offer up assistance if it's required. Give yourself some slack. The Change of Life can throw up all kinds of issues so try taking half a day at a time. Making a list helps me so that I don't over-do stuff or I get really tired. It really is Trial and Error which can be so tiring :sigh:
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quite harsh: narcissistic
I meant that I feel that on the whole I wish I could stop myself from being so panicky, crying, stomach churning, worrying about what people think of me......but although I've had friends popping by now n again ....(and this forum has been a huge help) ....family(of males ::) .... I just feel so lonely and anxious
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Hello Mandz
Hope you feel better soon. I'm feeling lonely and anxious at the moment and also with a family of males. Don't know why I feel like this. I had been feeling a lot better, but for the past couple of weeks have gone backwards with everything.
Best wishes
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Hi thanks sparkle, thank u for your kind words, typical Sunday evening thoughts going through my head---- half my head says that I,ll conquer anything ....other half saying, who you kidding?
Awwww vickypk, it's hard with family of males although I've always been honest and open with them al, ( their future wives might thank me ) that I love them all no matter what but I just can't help this..
Vickypk I'm sending you much hugs, are you maybe in need of a boost of meds? Xxxx
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I'd like to share a theory that helps me when I feel like Mandz has described and it is this
I have a toothache and you have a broken leg. Your broken leg is more difficult, probably more painful and will last a lot longer than my toothache.
However, knowing that does not make my toothache hurt any less whilst I have it.
All things are relative and the situation we are in is ours and matters just as much as anyone else's.
Mandz, your 'toothache' is no less worthy of attention than anyone else's 'broken leg', if you get my meaning. Don't ever be afraid to share what is worrying you
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Awwww bless you sparkle and baby Jane
Hopefully sparkle your daughters may sail through it, or the very least be well educated xx
Yes bj, I understand xx
Just being floored with this debilitating anxiety and depression has made me feel useless and ver lonely! ......... And yes I feel very sorry for myself, because at times I'm totally irrational and overthink things and I know I'm being like that and I can't stop myself :'(
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Mandz I was in a similar place about 18 months ago but I was determined not to let it define me. I felt wretched for not being able to defeat it but I was determined not to let it beat me. I allowed it to co-exist with me while all the time trying out ways of getting to grips with it. Some things worked and some didn't. CBT gave me tools to cope on a day to day basis but didn't go deep enough and I am now having therapy for childhood related trauma that affects how I react in the here and now. Antidepressants didn't help the anxiety but St John's Wort and beta blockers did.
Last night I woke up several times with anxiety surges but prior to that I had a few clear days.
this is my experience and it won't be yours, but I sincerely believe that all things will change and pass. I had to learn to stop fighting it, be honest with my family and look the anxiety squarely in the eye and challenge it wherever I can. If it wants to rule me for a day or two so be it, but I will come back at it every time.
If you can do nothing else just now, keep repeating 'I am not useless' because you are not, you are just not very well just now
Love Jane x
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I've had depression on and off for years.....last time I felt that reiki really helped me
But since having my hysterectomy 3yrs ago I just haven't been right, ovaries left!!! I still know when I'd be due on!
All last year I dipped and dipped til WHAM ....... I broke!!!
I'm full of great intentions.......like this morning I was going to do some gardening, can't face it!,,
My counsellor said last week, endings are a struggle for me, and she's right, looking back at things weirdly enough .......
Sorry I'm babbling xx
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I had a hyster with ovaries retained when I was 38 (21 years ago) so I never knew where my cycle was or when I entered perimeno until my first hot flush/night sweat 6 years ago.
My anxiety kicked in after our daughter's wedding. I had been on high alert for some months and I didn't come down after the event.
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Strange how events effect us :o
I'm due to go back to work in three weeks and don't know how the hell IM going to manage, my body has just shut down, I can't et enough sleep????!!!!! What's that about...,,,
I look and feel a mess :-\
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Bj's analogy is very good. I hate it when people say "you could be worse off, you could be dying of cancer etc." Only those who have suffered with anxiety or depression understand how bad you can feel and sometimes , dying would be easier ,I think as at least the days of endless suffering would stop. I have good and bad days and am learning to go with it as much as I can and be kind to myself - it isn't our fault that we are having a bad perimenopause so all we can do is try and not add too much anxiety and feeling useless on top of the way our fluctuating hormones are making us feel. Xx
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Hi Mandz
Thanks for your message, that's nice of you. It's difficult if you have to go back to work. I gave up working a couple of years ago when all these weird symptoms started happening to me. The anxiety is better most of the time. I still get days when I think i'm back to square one. I did try citalopram a couple of years ago, but I couldn't get on with that. Hope you are better.
Best wishes
x
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It's just this feeling of hopelessness....it just seems to never go away
I've got dentist at 230 and I'm stressing about it, it's only a check up
I actually feel scared all the time xx
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So did I. If I wasn't feeling scared I was having bad dreams ……… :-\
How did the appt. go? You R certainly not selfish! Time of Life throws up all kinds of challenges many of them not expected! Try to put what others may be going through out of your mind and give yourself some slack. Rest when you can. Have little treats/me time. Exercise if you are able to.
You babble away, getting feelings out and onto the page clears the head. There was 3 months in the 1990s when I couldn't leave the lounge until it was bed time, I wasn't even able to get into the bath …….. I thought I would never leave the house again but with ADs and counselling, eventually I walked a little further each day. Earlier this year I could feel this starting again because depression took over and anxiety was awful :'( but with a careful med alteration I have gradually improved.
:thankyou: BJ!
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Hi ladies.... Sending you all mahoooooosive hugs and thanks xx
My appointment went fine thank u CLKD....although she asked if there were any medical changes and I started getting emotional but she was lovely and all was good, just had to get a scale n polish which she did there then so that I didn't have to go back which was lovely of her xxx
Vickypk:I've noticed quite a few ladies have mentioned they've given up work due to stress of the meno..... It's quite ashame this happens, but I can totally understand it
I'm glad you're improving CLKD ....it's awful feeling when you feel it creeping up....xxxx :foryou:
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Oh me too Sparkle :-\ - I have implants which need lots of TLC but when I was depressed in Jan. it was all I could do to get out of bed >sigh<.
As the day goes by so my mood and anxiety improves. It's early morning that floors me :'( - but I've had several better days!
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I can't floss every day no matter what the hygienist and dentist say. My bottom teeth are quite crowded and getting the floss between them feels uncomfortable and makes them ache afterwards. and I cannot do the back ones as I have a very small arch and cannot get my mouth open enough or my hands in far enough. I tried the floss sticks but had the same problem.
I floss about three times a week and that will have to do. My gums don't bleed when I clean my teeth.
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Mine do :sigh: but not the same areas every day. I use a 'baby' toothbrush which enables me to get to the back and behind much easier. I was going to say I use 'sheewees' too but I'm looking for another word :-\ ….. oh, might it be Te-pees?
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Mine are too overcrowded on the bottom. I can't get even the smallest teepee brush between them.
Sheewee, that's the other end CLKD ;D
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Got it!
Some of the Te-pees are very thin - I think I use a red handled one and even with my crocked nashers, I can usually get it to clean behind.
What was the question again :-\
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Just wondering if everybody else feels calmer when it's evening time?
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Oh yes! I'm a different person :-\
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Sparkle....now your taking the p**s lol xx
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Thought I was a bit calmer today .....but my stomach is doing that butterfly nervous thing again!
I'm getting more paranoid about my friends..... Intionally I was getting regular texts of support now it's tailed off...... And I don't want to appear needy ( which I am) .....
My last counselling session through work was last Tuesday, my doc announced she was leaving, Im feeling a bit in limbo......
My work breaks up for fortnight hols on Thursday then I'm due back...... I know I'm stressing about that ........
I've managed once to zip into local asda myself.....how the hell am I going to cope
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Well I've visit to physiatrist tomorrow: that's my four week review at 1140...
Am planning popping into my work to see what's happening in afternoon .... Just hoping it'll make me see that I can do it xxx
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Let us know how you get on!
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Well today's the day.....
Going to see physiatrist.... By myself, no-one to hold my hand
.....then go up to my work to see that I CAN do it ....
Will keep you posted!!!!
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Good luck,thinking of you x
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Hi all
Well today has been something else....
Went to physiatrist and he just said so tell me ..... So I babbled on for a while then he said ....now the real you, I started crying, and he said that's what I need, so I told him I am back to work after Easter, he said he wasn't sure about that, but he is doubling the scitraloprm and said that that will give me a bigger lift and on condition it was a phased return then I could try but if it wasn't to be then I had to stop before it escalated ......
I went from there straight to my work......so it was lunchtime and I sat with the girls and we just generally chatted then I went to see some of the kids I work with and I got loads of hugs and it just felt right and good!
I feel soooo relieved and over-whelmed by their responses towards me....it's given me such a boost
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Any ins and outs that were whizzing round your head are now more settled! you have had a good response from both colleagues and kids and they have looked at you and can see that you are still 'you'. What's your next step?
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CLKD I'm going to chill down tomorrow coz I'm absolutely shattered now
I think phased return is probably the way forward though xx
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I used to feel shattered after high levels of anxiety.
Do you get to talk with your colleagues after Easter about phased return?
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Yes .... My line- manager is being very supportive and says she will go along with whatever I want to do xx
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Hey sparkle
Thank u so much .....any joy with lavender? Xx
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Sparkle .....rub some Vicks on souls of your feet then put on socks as you go to bed....and if you've a head cold, cut a onion and put it beside your bed....
Seriously xx
:bighug: love m xx
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Well stinking of onions n Vicks .....he won't want hanky panky :safe:
Lol..... Maybe try one a night
Wishing you a restful night sparkle xx
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Hi, I have just read your posts from yesterday - well done you! I'm pleased to hear that your line manager is being supportive & that a phased return has been suggested - that makes a huge difference when you are anxious about returning to work. Have a lovely, relaxing day xxx
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Hi all
Well today has been something else....
Went to physiatrist and he just said so tell me ..... So I babbled on for a while then he said ....now the real you, I started crying, and he said that's what I need, so I told him I am back to work after Easter, he said he wasn't sure about that, but he is doubling the scitraloprm and said that that will give me a bigger lift and on condition it was a phased return then I could try but if it wasn't to be then I had to stop before it escalated ......
I went from there straight to my work......so it was lunchtime and I sat with the girls and we just generally chatted then I went to see some of the kids I work with and I got loads of hugs and it just felt right and good!
I feel soooo relieved and over-whelmed by their responses towards me....it's given me such a boost
Oh Mandz, he sounds like a fab guy - not what you always expect from a psychiatrist, well not me anyway. Doesn't it make such a difference to get to see someone that you know is totally on your side and fully understands?
Well done you - you did a huge thing by going by yourself and then going into work. I think I need a phased return - maybe in a couple of years time ha ha ;D :rofl: xxxx
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Phased return sounds a great idea. The less external pressures on you the better, I reckon. Good that your psychiatrist sounds clued up and supportive. X
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Well after my big day yesterday a bit emotional the day- probably increase in meds haven't helped....and I think I forgot my gel last night!!!
But it's def made me think phased return is def what I should do, because I might burn myself out I reckon xx
That made me smile just joules xxx
Physiatrist really doesn't dance round the houses- he's too the point and he just has a mannerism that you feel you can trust
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Feeling a bit stronger yesterday n today
Went out for lunch with three friends ....two of them live an hours drive from two of us....so we met half way....and I drove!!!
Feel a bit shattered now ....but a friend of mine said there is a good film on tonight "heat" suppose to be funny....so I'll watch that and chillax
Happy Easter all xxx
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Good to hear you sounding a bit better Mandz x
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Thank you baby Jane ....trying my hardest to stay positive xxxx
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That's great news - it can feel like a major effort to go out at times but meeting friends can really lift the spirits when you have been feeling depressed. Well done for doing that drive too! We are going to watch that film as well - my daughter said it is very funny ;D. Happy Easter! Xxx
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Thank you madbloss ....yes my friend said its funny!!!
Last night I really wanted to cancel ....but I knew I'd be fine!!! I would have just stayed at home and felt low for not going xx
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The pre-event anxiety can be worse than the event itself :'( but if you don't manage to go places, DO NOT sit at home and mope ::). Your decision was then, make the most of now - feet up, cuppa to hand, Very Good Book/Film!
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Well an eventful sort of a day
Geared myself up and went to asda by myself-local one!!! Got a bit emotional just as I went in but just kept focus ing on what I'd to get, and also normally I do a big Easter meal, bit like Christmas normally, but I just haven't that "oomph" to do it , as to be being quite honest, I've barely been able to force myself to cook anything, so preparing a big meal was a def no-no
So DH, son and his girlfriend had to settle for chicken salad- no that they complained, think hubby was genuinely pleased I have made something ;D
Even went for a look round matalan
I'm absolutely cream cracker end now though....
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It takes up a lot of energy to get out there! :medal:
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I agree, CLKD - why is it that the things we used to take for granted eg. just going to meet a friend or getting in the car & driving to town to go shopping, now feel so draining or worse, turn into an ordeal? I think 'When did this happen exactly?'. Depression drains the energy levels but, I have realised, it is crucial to try & see friends when they want to meet (which isn't often!) otherwise I will end up feeling even lonelier & worse.
So, well done again, Mandz - each thing you make yourself do is another step forward! :) xxx
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Yes, I'm usually in our local asda that often I'm sure people think I'm either a secret shopper or the store detective
Seriously though.... I'm doing all I can to get back to "me"
the tears are still not far away xxx
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I used to shed tears internally if I have a good day!
I have always suffered: either before an Event or after - with panic feelings. Throughout my Life I have avoided situations because it is easier than dealing with how I feel.
Little steps? I used to browse in the Supermarket, going along shelves and reading ingredients: I was more worried about being stopped for shoplifting ;D. I would quit whilst ahead, B4 anxiety struck.
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Not tending to use big supermarkets at the mo, not that I like them anyway, so just use farm shop, local shop and on-line.
Everything is such a major effort at the moment...don't remember feeling this rough with the anxiety in the past. Think it is the Sertraline withdrawal, now the BB stoppage after all these years. After being away last week don't even feel like I've had a holiday as it was nice but so stressful because of the way I felt. On top of all this, my Mum told me yesterday that she had kept it from me that just before I went away, she found two breast lumps and daren't tell me as she knew I wouldn't have gone away. Her friend went with her and thankfully all was ok but when I left hers I got home and blasted off at hubby as we hadn't been speaking since before I went away and told him no wonder I have all this stress as I have to deal with stuff on my own, not having any siblings and was virtually having a panic attack in front of him but he called me a psycho bitch for shouting at him about it when really I just wanted him to realise how upset I was. He's had enough of it all now and says I do it to myself and it's all in my head. He's in bed now as he doesn't feel well apparently....hope it's something that will be hurting....maybe I am a psycho bitch after all!! Got to go to his mothers tomorrow for a turkey dinner (God knows why....they can't even cook now we have to do it...) so he's annoyed that I have a Drs app and said I should have cancelled it as I said I would but then I would have had to wait another week to see the GP I like. Sorry, just having a ramble while watching rubbish telly :)
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You ramble away..... Do you think maybe your hubby might be a bit depressed? As it seems to me he possibly could be...... Maybe both of you are stressed with the whole "situation " and it's all coming out as fireworks
Don't stress about your mum, I think she did right thing not telling u as you are fragile enough as it is just now, and anyway she had support from her friend......and thankfully they weren't anything sinister.....so step back from that
You HAVE to go to that gp appointment, don't cancel.....and tell the go what's going on, sending you a virtual hug xxxxx
CLKD, I was a bit like that myself although I came out the supermarket and was standing with my trolley right beside the boot of my car.... And I couldn't see my car, I was thinking to myself, where the hell is it???? Had I parked it somewhere else and forgotten??? Then I turned round just as I was thinking .... That's it!!!! I've lost the plot what the hell am I gonna do!!!! And realised I was standing beside it, had a bit of a smirk to myself
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The penny dropped with me in the night. For the last 2 weeks, since stopping my very low dose of E-citalopram, I have felt the same as when I started it and I have been ranting and raving and virtually abusing my lovley, long suffering husband. Also having violent dreams and drenching night sweats. The last 2 nights have been better and although I don't feel at all well, there are now moments of lucidity, like light breaking through the cloud before it clouds over again.
I suddenly thought to myself that my body is trying to get itself back on a level footing after being disturbed by the drug and there could even be a little bit of the drug still in my bloodstream.
Years ago I took Prozac for 6 months and it took me 6 months to get off it. I still feel sick and dizzy, like I have a permanent hangover but now I don't feel depressed about it and wondering what is wrong. I need to take care of myself and work it out until my body forgets about the drug induced upheaval.
Why on earth was I given ADs for menopausal/hormonal anxiety anyway?! >:(
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Because you were depressed? as the medication kicked in, that's what you decided - that you had been depressed without realising it. The medication is unlikely to remain in your system this long so have a look-see at your diet? how hydrated you are? and maybe jot down your diet etc.. I had depression every month pre-bleed which would lift until the next time, bugga. 'ratty' my Mum told me I was ::)
I had bad anger spats at Himself :'( :-\ but it was totally hormonal. I would fly ….. he doesn't remember but I do :-[. That was later on, in my late 20s/throughout my 30s. I would be OK one day about something but the same issue would trigger intense anger …………
JustJules - that is unacceptable. What problems does he have? Also, why do you need to know about your Mum's breast lumps? Is it really anything to do with you? I don't tell anyone unless they are on the 'need to know' list and certainly, family are NOT! ::). Take care of you. Fortuatenly your Mum is OK ………. when I had breast disease I was so busy going through treatment that I didn't tell any of the family, easier as we live 2 hour's drive away ;-).
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Jules, I know we joked about being twins but now I'm thinking our husbands are twins! Mine is exactly same and not very understanding. All our time together if I have ever been ill, he shows me no sympathy or shouts at me. When my peri menopause started all he did was shout 'what's wrong with you NOW '? He's also sick of me walking around sighing! He's also never been able to cope with my anxiety.
A good friend said she thinks his anger when I'm ill is really because he's worrying about me. Funny way of showing it!
Glad your Mum is ok. Similar thing happened with my mum last year and I went to the hospital with her but we hadn't told one of my sisters (who is also going through menopause) because she was on holiday but when she found out she was really offended the other siblings knew and not her and said 'nobody tells me anything, I feel like I'm not part of this family'!
I'm having a rough day today. Keep feeling sick and got no motivation to do anything.
X
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Ginger biscuits Halfpint? I find that this change of the clocks upsets my digestion for a few days, like I have missed a few meal times ::)
Maybe men get scared if their partners are poorly? Certainly my Dad couldn't cope if Mum was ill, he would look after anyone else but would get angry or walk away if Mum as much as sneezed!
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I don't know why you were given them BJ - it seems standard practice even though the Nice guidelines now do not recommend them as first line treatment for menopausal anxiety/ low mood - though if you are clinically depressed they will still be prescribed. I was offered them and told they'd also help the flushes ( though dr failed to say not the one I was to take) but new guidelines don't even recommend them for that and I notice Clonidine, a BP med, is no longer recommended got flushes either. I think doctors see distress and want to help but don't know what to do other than dole out ADs and betablockers. I haven't yet been able to make any of mine understand that I have had a lifetime of anxiety and that what I am feeling now is so different that I'd hesitate to call it anxiety. That's not to say that stuff like CBT and Mindfulness haven't helped but it still isn't as easy to turn off as the previous 25 years of anxiety. I believe that is because it is nearly all hormonal with very little of it being " us" and our thought patterns and behaviours. Yes , how I react can add to it and make it worse than it might be , but when the blues descend or the agitation out of nowhere late afternoon / early evening , they come without any thoughts or worries and feel just like chemicals flooding or leaving my body. In the face of this, I think Ads are like tying to turn back the tide by thought alone.
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I've been reading the forum about nausea and yes it does feel like the nausea I had in pregnancy and I used ginger biscuits then, so thanks for the reminder. Got to go and do the dreaded food shop so will pick some up.
My husband is similar when our kids are ill. He's always struggled with showing his feelings but he did have an awful childhood which has obviously effected him but just wish he could show a smidge of sympathy. Of course I run around after him when he's ill!
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I don't! as a phobic I can't go near DH if he even as much as sneezes!
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since joining the menopause matters forum and reading everyones posts it really brings home how many of us are suffering and struggling to get through the days,and it really does help to know your not the only one,which it can often feel like when feeling sorry for self.
I agree that things I used to do before my problems started I wouldn't think twice about,like perhaps meeting my mum for a coffee in a teashop,now I overthink,will I be ok,will I get flustred,what if its busy ect and I usually feel jittery,nervy before leaving the house,the brain just does what it wants,dam thing.Like everyone I just want to be how I used to be.
Justjules I see that you mention stopping your betablocker,how did you stop,did you gradually reduce the tablets bit by bit or just stop.im down to 10mg morn and night,but am going to try get right off due to ongoing low blood pressure.
Good luck to everyone trying to get on with life regardless of our dam hormones.
dolly64.
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Dolly I was on beta blockers 80mg....I just stopped them I was on them about 3 months
I understand what you are saying about doing things you wouldn't think twice about and now makes you anxious .....I'm there just now too, it's awful
Be kind to yourself dolly xx
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CKLD, my Mum and I are very close, like best friends, which, okay, is not everybody's cup of tea but I class myself as very lucky so that's why I would have been part of such a serious situation with her health. She doesn't tell me a lot of things she struggles with as she likes to be as independent as possible and knows I worry about her.
Halfpint, yes, son says his father reacts like he does because he can't bear to see me ill but I think he just doesn't feel empathy for anyone in that way, unless it his beloved parents of course, then he can't do enough.
Coldethyl, that's how I feel....this feels like such a different sort of anxiety and I can't blame the meno as I am 7 years post at least. It seems like no matter what I try, nothing works. We've had loads of similar conversations on threads haven't we and are both trying the same sort of things i.e. mindfulness, meditation etc. it's so frustrating as we are desperate for something to work.
Dolly, I was only on a low dose of sotalol i.e. 20mg twice a day so GP said I could just stop. It I was terrified as I had been on them for over 20 years. I just took half a tablet for a week and then stopped.
Been signed off again this week as saw GP yesterday and as soon as we mentioned work, she saw how it brought me out in a hot anxious flush and said she was signing me off for another week with a phased return for two weeks....I woke up this morning in such a state worrying about ringing in, I got my son to do it :( hubby said I should be fighting this and not giving in to it....have started the Citalopram so I am putting all hope into it as it always sorted me out in the past. Still got head rushes from withdrawals from Sert but hopefully things will change soon otherwise, men in white jackets will be coming I think!! ;D
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JJ you are in my thoughts. I am having head rushes from stopping E-Cit after only 5 months. This morning I was making noises about starting it again but husband is not keen and would like me to try and ride out these discontinuation symptoms. I only took 5mg a day and stopped it 2 weeks ago, the body must get quite depenednt to still be missing it now :'(
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Bj, out of interest why have you stopped the e-cit?? X
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After 2 weeks the drug will have left your system. It took me 9 weeks of weaning to stop one AD ……….
Maybe a different AD would ease symptoms.
As for OHs who tell their 'loved' ones to 'get on with it' :kick: + :beat:
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I think head zaps are a common withdrawal effect BJ and I know people who have restarted a drug that they fought long and hard to come off because of them. 5 months is quite a long time so perhaps hubby is right to say give it a little more time to see if you can cope. I guess it depends on whether it is the withdrawal side effects that are troubling you or the not having the ADs in your system re your anxiety/ low mood levels.
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BJ, thanks. It's a hard decision to make when you are coping with other symptoms at the same time. I know what a different person I was when I took Citalopram, much calmer, happier and couldn't cry, which admittedly was a bit weird but preferable than just being in constant tears. I stopped it myself very slowly, because I'd been fine for so long but obviously still needed it but then Dr took me off etc.
I would try and stick with it, especially if you haven't had any luck with any others.
Hugs. Xxx
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I get head zaps often ::) - a really weird feeling!
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I only wish escitilopram still worked for me because I was definitely a calmer person whilst on them (I only took 5mg too) but peri has caused havoc so that I cannot tolerate them anymore (I get a rash, itchy skin, sore itchy eyes & insomnia). I agree with Coldethyl & Justjules - this anxiety is different (& I have always had periods of anxiety) - I woke up again with it this morning & started crying. My DH wondered what on earth was wrong. In two weeks, I am supposed to start training for a new job &, already, the anxiety about it is starting. I just wish I could get rid of this problem as I have turned down jobs over the last year because of it & feel unsettled about work (especially after I finally found another Cover TA job, & just started to get some confidence back when everyone's regular hours were axed because of underfunding). I am supposed to be attending a party with my husband which is also in two weeks &, instead of looking forward to it, I feel sick at the thought of going. My old AD's used to help with anxiety before social events but I cannot fall back on them now - I just have diazapam (which I can still to!erate) for emergencies so I will have to take one beforehand. Tried Amitriptyline to help me sleep but it leaves me zonked out the next day & I couldn't concentrate on my maths course! (Worrying about the exam as well! :-\). Has anyone tried Venlafaxine? I only ask because a gynae GP mentioned it when I last saw her a few months ago. I thought it was in the same group as Duloxetine which is supposed to be hard to withdraw from?
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From what people have said about duloxetine it is apparently evil to get off once you are on it. I thought Venlafaxine was for bi polar disorder? Probably got that wrong.
When I was peri (as far as I know because I don't know when it all started) I was very intolerant to all sorts of chemicals - alcohol, drugs, household cleaners, hair dyes you name it. I guess I am now post meno as far as I can tell because my flushes/sweats have got fewer and milder and sometimes go away completely so maybe I can withstand things better now. I am such a wuss though with little or no tolerance for discomfort and so my perseverance is very poor. It is for this reason I never got on with contact lenses although I tried them 3 times.
What I really want is a pill like a headache pill that you just take and it goes away ::)
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Venlafexine is an SNRI so it works on both serotonin and norepinephrine as opposed to the SSRIs that just work on serotonin. It used to be prescribed for hot flushes though think the latest NICE report questioned its efficacy. It is used got anxiety and depression but can have significant side effects , predominately elevating blood pressure so you are meant to have regular BP checks if on it. A friend took it and found it helpful for short term use.
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All the symptoms you describe: itchy, rash etc.: can be related to a lack of oestrogen. I never read the leaflets with my ADs unless I get several symptoms ::)!
I get itchy eyes due to oestrogen causing the body to 'dry up' as well as VA for the same reasons. Various parts of me itch at various times too! :sigh:
I haven't had a Very Good Cry for years ::)
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I haven't had a Very Good Cry for years ::)
I haven't had any sort of cry in I don't know how long. It would probably do me good but if I started I don't think I would stop :'(
I get dry eyes, dry shins, itchy feet and a dried up doo dah. Have had for years but it wasn't enough to send me down the full HRT route and it never got any worse so I live with it. Argan Oil is brilliant as is Vagifem and Systane eye drops
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> wave BJ < I have an eye spray which makes me jump when I spray it ;D - ;) - does help though!
The end of The Incredible Journey can set me off :-\ and watching a programme last week about people with learning difficulties trying to get a job, moved me a lot. Had I been alone I would have been able to cry.
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I loved that programme, it was incredibly moving. Perhaps should put it in the TV thread :)
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Hi, CLKD - maybe it is a combination of oestrogen dips & intolerance with the ADs. It is strange because I don't get this problem with diazapam or beta blockers. The dry eye problem started in January, 2014 but eased off when I eventually came off the ADs & changed my diet. As soon as I tried to go back on my ADs, it started up again - it is baffling (and annoying!). I couldn't cry properly because my eyes were so dry. I cried last week after I saw a clip from that programme you mentioned when a man with autism was given a job after a two week trial.
Babyjane - yes, I wish there was a pill that would just make it all go away! What I have experienced since autumn 2013 sounds very similar to what you have described. Literally overnight, I had to stop using my usual moisturiser because my face started burning & along with that I had to change my shampoo, conditioner, hair mousse, mascara & body wash as they made my skin itch like mad & these horrid red bumps appeared. Strangely, I haven't reacted to my hair dye yet (home dye) but I was warned by my hairdresser a few weeks ago, when I had a trim, that the chances of it happening are increasing because of my other reactions so I should test EVERY time. My tolerance to alcohol has definitely dropped as well - I feel rotten the next morning after drinking one glass of wine! As for certain foods - don't go there!
Coldethyl - thanks for the info about Venlafaxine - still unsure as it elevates blood pressure but I honestly don't know what is left to try. I'm hoping that HRT will go some way to getting rid of the mood swings, anxiety & depression.
Thanks again, all of you xx
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It could be the coating on the ADs that causes that reaction! Valium, BBs etc. are prescribed for 'different' conditions.
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Just jules im just wondering if some of your symptoms at the moment is also to do with stopping your bb,some people can stop easily and have no symptoms,while others have a lot of symptoms.my dr told me to do half a tab a week,5mg,and I couldn't,had to do it by a quarter or less a week.im on 2x 10mg a day now but want off,just tried cut out more and felt awful after couple days,jittery,sicky,could feel excess adrenalin ,so have gone back to the 2 tabs.think its also because having some stress again at moment.
dolly.
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I take just a quarter of a tablet - 2.5mg morning and night. You wouldn't think it would make any difference at that small dose but it does so I am happy to continue taking it like this and my GP agrees although I think he reckons it's just placebo but we know better don't we.
All the best Dolly :)
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Dolly, I am sure it will be a part of it as I so ant see how something that has been in your system for 20 odd years won't have an affect if you suddenly stop. It's just giving me the racing heart in the early hours and first thing in the morning and so I panic thinking there is something wrong with my heart so it's a vicious cycle. I will see if it settled once the ADs have kicked I properly. X
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If placebo works don't knock it!
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well I hope your system settles down justjules,well done in coming off them.
Yes babyjane we do know otherwise,easy for a dr to say stop taking a tablet,wont be any side effects ect,it all depends on the person and how sensitive the body is to meds.
I wish it was easy to come off medications,they never tell you how hard it may be when you reach that point >:(.
dolly.x
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How many meds are difficult to stop though ::)
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Well folks I think "I'm starting to see me again"
I'm not 100%yet, but I'm def on the track I think, I'm more comfortable being by myself without my mind whizzing into overdrive.......and I've went to the shops a couple of times myself
Today I'm getting a visit from the physiatric community nurse...... As required by my physiatrist..... Don't know what to expect
Although I think my real test will be my return to work x
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That's great news :ola: Good to know we are all still there under the craziness...
Definitely ease yourself back in to work gently. I tried to run before I could walk and it ended up in tears...
Good luck with the nurse, I am sure she will be helpful.
Rx
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Mandz, glad to hear that! Let me know how it goes later. Yes, work will be the test but you've been in and broken the ice so just a day at a time. :) xxx
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That's fantastic news, Mandz - you have been taking positive steps towards helping your recovery & you know that you have the support of your workplace when you return. Hope everything goes well today xxx
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That's brilliant news Mandz :medal:
Yes, I agree, it will be a test when you return to work but you'll be ok. :foryou: X
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Awwww hi ladies thank you for your good wishes and continuing support
Well the nurse came at 1130 am and left around 3pm!!!! Lol xx
She was lovely and took her time going through everything with me and we chatted about all different things ..... We actually had quite a lot in common and I was friendly with her cousin yeeeeears ago
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Glad it went well Mandz. Small world :) X
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Nurture her Mandz - Community Psy Nurses are as rare as hens' teeth!
Little steps!
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The only thing that concerns me is both her and phyciatrist don't think I'm ready for returning to work
But I feel being at home alone and not having a purpose to be organised isn't helping either..........
........took aaaaages to drop off to sleep last night and I was so tired
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Mornin Mandz...wow, she's a good find! Glad it went so well. It's an awful dilemma thinking about what to do about work. I am in the same boat...need to ring them this morning about the dr's suggested phased return if no more than 4 hours a day for the next two weeks....the troubke is, my best hours are from 10:30 to about 3pm so hope they agree to that but it's honestly making me feel so anxious just making the call and then just swanning into work when I feel like it for two week and what everybod will be thinking, which, I know, people will say that doesn't matter but it does to me. I know what you mean though about not being good just moping around with your own company but I could get used to this just watching rubbish telly and reading with a bit of housework now and again....was going to really make use of this time off by doing my mindfulness and meditation and have done zilch, so I am cross with myself. Today I have got up and a he all over, still got hot sweat and rapid heart rate when I wake up and a headache on and off which won't shift. I know it's probably all the swapping and changing of meds but my problem is, my HA won't let me believe it is just that. Off to therapy again soon and going to tell her that I seriously don't see me coming to terms with any of this and until I can accept that it is all just anxiety, then I am wasting my time and money but then it's my weekly 'get it off my chest' chance. :(
If I were you, maybe you should take advice from nurse and psych and maybe wait a couple more weeks if you can. Xxxx
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Hi folks
Been a bit of a mixed bag of a few days....
Fri, went to my local asda for shop, took about an hour to convince myself to go, but it was fine
Sat, thought I'd gut my bedroom and en-suite,geez it nearly killed me, first decent clean it's had in aaaaages! I was jiggered after that- can't believe how exhausted I was
Yesterday I'd arranged to meet some work colleagues for a cuppa and couldn't face it, I was very weepy in morning and just felt sad all day
Yesterday I also got word offering me two further counselling sessions, I turned them down because I've done without them last 3weeks, and two more would just be a waste as it would be starting one week and finishing the next if you see what I mean
I go back to work next week and half of me really wants too, in fact more than half, but deep down I don't know if I'm ready or just panicking, most people are telling me to take more time off, but then it's a vicious circle of feeling inadequate, I think being with folk and routine will help ........being myself is not good for me
Such a ramble, sorry xx
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Hi Mandz, sometimes the idea and anticipation of an event can be more worrying that the actual event itself. I get this and once I start doing whatever it is that is worrying me I find I can go with the flow and complete the task, most of the time anyway.
Good luck.
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Anticipation anxiety is what floors me. For weeks sometimes B4 we go away :-\. Then the holiday is usually OK >:( ::) so have anti-anxiety meds to hand.
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yes, it's all the 'what ifs' that usually don't happen but I have been through them all before we go.
DD and partner recently returned from holiday and the airline lost their luggage and they had to travel home without it. they took it all in their stride, it was eventually located and returned to them at home, but I would have freaked out panicking about all the worst case scenarios - that is if I had been away in the first place which is unlikely just at the moment.
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I would always do my washing B4 coming home - be my Luck that the cases would go missing ;D
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Hi ladies
Well had my second visit from psychiatric nurse yesterday, she's just the loveliest down to earth person. Arrived at 11-2
She is trying to persuade me not to go back to work--- I totally understand that as a few things she said just made the tears flow, but I think being at home myself now isn't helping my mood. I feel I need something to get out my bed for, and a bit of construction to my day instead of either lying here or sitting clock watching and watching tv
I'm nervous enough thinking about it
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I think if she's trying to persuade you not to return to work it's because she can sense you're not ready for it.
How about going for some gentle walks rather than stay in the house all day?
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Walking. Make a list each evening of daily chores, ticking them off will let you see what you do achieve. Do you have a Library close by that you can spend some time in? or a wander round charity shops? Fresh air is the most important thing!
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Sounds like you re doing so well now Mandz :) . Don't try to rush it though, you ve been on a really tough journey and maybe need peace and calm to process everything.
Xxx
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Hi all
Well times marching on, and I'm back to work mon
Bit anxious but looking forward to seeing everyone and maybe get some sense of normality
Last three days I've been getting up and getting going and starting feeling more intrested in things.....
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Get into the habit of setting the alarm 10 mins. early for the 1st week, so that you can 'come round'? and not rush hither and thither?
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Mandz, it will be hard. I've found it very hard this week just doing the half days. The atmosphere in the office and general lack of empathy has been hard to take but hoping this week might be better. At least you have nice people there who are sympathetic. Will be thinking of you. Xxx
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Thanks all xxx
Just jules, I think sometimes it's not so much the lack of empathy I think it's more that folk still see you going about your work that they don't realise how you're feeling inside and your sensitivity to the situation your in is heightened! It's like when we receive a text, depends our mood can depend on how we read it, if that makes sense xxx
Good idea CLKD, I'll do just that :)
Well time will tell .....I need to stay positive xx
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My ex-boss used to ring up and say "I want to rant" if he wanted to make an issue about something, it was over and done with.
Maybe go in and say "I'm hormonal and I know how to use them" ………. ;) - or 'light blue touch paper and stand well back', I'm sure there's a suitable magnet or mug mat you put onto your desk :D
Good Luck!
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Well I went back to work on Monday and I've had such a good week so far! Doing half day mon Tuesday Thursday and full day fri and off Wednesday on phased return.
So today I went for a coffee and cake with my old boss then went shopping myself and bought some new clothes and home to make a steak meal for me n hubby.....I can't believe I'm coping so well! If I stay with how I feel just now I'm content with that for time being xxx
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That's good!
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Mandz, glad to hear everything went really well this week....well done you!!
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Well ladies I survived first week back to work and by God I was exhausted last night and today!
I've now been in agony with my lower back, probably my body in shock from having to work ;D
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Good news Mandz, glad it went well. Bet you were shattered! I'm back in full time again next week....wish me luck, I think I'm going to need it! Xxx
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Well done Mandz! I m so proud of you. ;D
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Hi thank you ladies ....
I'm not out the woods yet, but even I can see the huuuuuuuuge difference in myself
I'm begging anyone though that is struggling.... Ok hormones are awful when they play up but don't beat yourself up about taking an anti-d while you find the right hrt .....
I'm now on escitralopram 20mg( equivalent of 40mg of citralopram), two pumps of gel,and through my own choice because I live in ne of Scotland I'm taking vit d
Just jules, I really hope all goes well for you I will be thinking of you xx
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Glad to hear things improving for you. I admire anyone coping with this and holding down a job! Xx
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That's brilliant news Mandz! So pleased to her that. :foryou: X
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Well done, Mandz - so glad that everything is working out well for you! :) xx
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Well Done Mandz
I've just read this post from start to finish. Very inspiring - well done.
You've given me the push I need to increase my AD's whilst I get HRT under my belt.
Good luck
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Hi all, well that's week 2 of back to work completed.....
It's been good to feel me again, but the first week my back and neck ached soooo badly.....I've put it down to weeks of sitting or lying about while off work and bod,y going into shock having to work again lol :D
But this week it's my lower back and tops of thighs
My lower back is aching constantly and my thighs keep getting twinges, I don't want to go to doc as I've practically lived there the past few months ??? Mind you I've been putting on "deep freeze" and getting some relief from that.......
Other than that, I'm starting to feel I'm getting a life again.......although I've not managed any nights out, but hey, content with things just now xxx
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I imagine it's all muscular as I experience the same when I am doing more. I do have arthritis in my neck and shoulders though and I'm sure I have some wear and tear to my discs in my spine as I often get lower back pain and pain in thighs when I am doing more. Often it is referred pain. Thigh pain is normally referred pain from the knees.
They do say it's best to keep moving rather than resting. I take ibupofren which seems to help.
Glad to hear you are feeling better in yourself though.
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Thanks half pint, I can cope with it rather than how I was not to long ago
Today I'm sitting in my cabin with log fire on and flurries of snow keep threatening YUK!!!!!
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Your cabin sounds lovely...it's bright here but deceiving as it's not warm!
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The cabin makes me feel like I'm on holiday, my hubby built it and put in a log burner, a bar( fully stocked) a juke box, a coffee machine ....everything but a loo lol
Sounds very grand and like I'm bragging...it's not ....its just lovely and peaceful, homely and It was something we always wanted- it was completed just before xmas so it's still a novelty xx
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Porta-potty?
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It sounds wonderful. I'm going to ask my husband to build us one!
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I wanted a summer house which we decided would end up being a glorified shed and decided that a cabin would be better as we could use it all year, and if friends come over we can go in there rather than wet shoes n cups etc lying about the house
Xxx
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I gave DH one for his Big Birthday a few years ago. It gets the afternoon sunshine so we can sit there watching the wild birds on the feeders.
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Mandz,
Oh my god im in exact same boat as you but not on anything but hrt. I just joined this am. Im 41 nearly 42 with 3 young kids a hubbie that is fab n has v responsible job as do i and my life is falling apart. Im same...no dinner ready for kids cant do anything. 4 mths ago i had it all...job i love but v stressful looking forward to summer hols and bam sitting here typing this unable to get out of bed. I ferl so alone too. Hubbie tries to but doesnt understand. His competent capable on top of it all wife and mum has disappeared. You are not alone. We will go through this together. X
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Cheezel, I've replied to your thread
It's a horrible feeling struggling to get out of your bed ..... I always feel calmer by evening, probably because I know I'll be going back to my bed xxx
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Well that's me completed my fourth week at work
Had a few blips, emotional, but I'm surviving!
At least I'm managing to do some shopping myself although they are generally quick ones and I've met friends at different times for quick catch ups ....
I'm still plodding away
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Good job, Mandz! I think you should celebrate! Treat yourself. A salon treatment, ice cream, a television binge, anything to give yourself a nice little reward!
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Well done Mandz! Haven't seen you around so wondered how you were..... :) x
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The treat is being able to get through the day ::)
:medal: little steps. Don't burn up that good energy by doing 'too' much!
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Hi all just an update...
Well my phased return of 6weeks went fine and I've been back to work now 8weeks, I've cut out a Wednesday though, four days is fine!!!
I've had quite a few blips but I'm able to function ...... Life's normal, and I've struggled to accept that one person I thought would have supported me hasn't,,,, but I'm going with the attitude " hey-Ho".... It's a long story but it hurts deep down
Anyway I'm away to Bulgaria in a months time,,,, so that'll be a boost!,,
Hugs Mandz xxxx
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Enjoy Bulgaria! Have you been B4?
Thanks for the up-date. Sometimes those we feel will be supportive aren't …….. [my Mum for 1 :sigh: ]
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Glad your feeling better mandz 😊
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Oh good to hear Mandz, you've come a long way in a relatively short space of time. 4 days at work is great but 3 would be even better so I'm working on that one. Yes, sadly, the people we expect to be understanding or supportive often aren't and it's a big blow and very hurtful. You have something to look forward to with your trip to Bulgaria. I'm off to Spain for 10 days on Monday, filled with fear and apprehension but know it will be good for me so telling the anxiety to get lost and getting on with it. xx
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Thank you all xxx
The advise I got on this forum and support had a huuuuge impact on my life.... I honestly wish I could thank you all individually
I've also made a lovely new friend thanks to it too, Ruthvae! We have supported each other with texts of encouragement and sounding off boards to each other! We don't know what we look like or surnames ..... We just text each other most days to see how t other is and to see things in another perspective if things are too much for us! I'd say it's been a great success, and I think she would agree!!! We are modern day pen pals I suppose 😊
Just jules I hope you have a lovely holiday----- one day at a time, don't look to much into things.....relax xxx
CLKD ..... My mum isn't very understanding of me either
WTD.... I hope things are improving for you xxxx
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Thank you mandz I'm really good so far this month, having a bleed and no mood slump I have no idea what's made the change this month but I am appreciating it while its here I had forgotten what it felt like to feel relatively ok 😊 hope it lasts
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Great, Mandz! Have a safe trip !
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Hello, yes I do agree Mandz, the support this site has brought both publically, and through being a 'penpal'. It has been such a help to fire off 'I'm going crazy, or am I' texts and get an empathetic response without putting more pressure on our loved ones. Also it has been good to be able reciprocate. I too am moving along nicely. Will update my post but in brief the 3 pumps of gel and 200mg of utogestan seem to be doing the trick along with some other life style changes. Been back at work for a week on half days successfully... So fingers crossed this continues... :thankyou: :veil:
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Hi all
Just a check in
Everything's going fine, am on school holidays now, so off for 6weeks!
Some days are still emotional but getting there ☺️
Off to Bulgaria on Friday-so that'll be a boost
Xxx
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Enjoy! Little steps ;)
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Enjoy the trip Madiz, you would love it over here! Don't forget to sign up for SPA procedures ;)
Milamam
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Thanks ladies
I will sign up for treatments..... I'm gonna enjoy my hol ;)
As I said before, every day that's good I regard it as a gift, I'm still under phyciatrist and have just started with psychology.....so I'm determined I'm going to enjoy life again 😊, it's heading in right direction methinks xx
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Hi all,
Just wanted to pop in and see how u are all doing?
Well, things have vastly improved in my life, I'm still not a 100 %... but then who is? I'm still under psychiatric team as I don't want to lose the support but I can push myself more!!! I have drops in blood pressure which can make me faint and I have to monitor my blood pressure but there's no tablets etc that can help just something I have to deal with, but it's nothing to stress about!!!! If I feel sad I go online and play a game to empty my head of overthinking or paint , I've totally fell in love with doing art
Xxx
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Hi Mandz!!! so nice to see you back, even if you're just nipping on with an update :)..
So glad that things seemed to have evened out for you and sounds like you're on top of things and have some strategies to deal with it all and still have some help from your psychiatrist, which must be helpful. I think when you know you have the backup, it makes things much more bearable.
Art is supposed to be wonderful for relaxation and distraction - unfortunately, my skills in Art only amount to the basic pin man :(
Hope you're going to stick around - we've missed you! :foryou: xxx
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Hey sparkle & justjules
Lovely to hear from you ladies, yes I'm still plodding away 😊
Art is just soooooo relaxing and so peaceful, justjules you don't need to be an artist!!!! I,ll bet your not a chef either, but you can make something edible??? I,ll bet you're not an Olympic swimmer but you can paddle about in a pool......see where I'm going with this? It doesn't matter what u produce-if it gives you peace and a relaxed mind,then so what!!! That's why I go to classes-to learn and have some time out from mundane tv 😝
I joined a sugar-craft class last night, I'm hopeless at baking let alone decorating, so it's my new challenge 😊
:'( :bighug: :bighug: for justjules n sparkle xxxx
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Hi Mandz!
Gosh sounds like you're being very creative nowadays! Good for you. ha, love the thought of sugar craft.....do you get to eat what you make?!! ;D I really need to get off my bum and do something but I'm finding work is just zapping what bit of energy I have these days. Weekends just come and go too quick as well.
Great to hear you are sounding so positive now and getting on with your life. 😍 Big hugs to you too! xxx
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Hi all
Well I've just had a bit of a blip.....I've been off work past three weeks, it's nothing serious, just having a bit of stressful time ( politics of work) ....anywayack next week and feeling " I can do it" attitude
😊😊😊
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Hi sparkle,
I think I've been slipping since around Feb time but I def know it's due to work ..... I feel a bit "bullied" at times and it's been chipping away at me!!! Also now the weathers getting really warm when I have a full on flush it's like I can't breathe
The sugarcraft is going well- I love it ....sadly it's stoped for summer, resumes in Aug/ sept
M x
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Hi sparkle
It's my boss that's doing the " bullying" ..... I think maybe that's too strong a word but it's kind of the undermining me and putting me in situations that's setting me up to fail that is getting me down! It's kind of a few things but outlining it makes me sound petty
Anyway I'm sure I'll get through it ,,,,,,, I'll pull up my big girl pants 😆
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Hi mandz im 47 new to this and feel exactly the same iv'e had blood test and im full meniporsel and finding life very hard at the moment im seeing cpn today at 3 coz if i dnt do something im gunna loose my partner of 12 years coz he just cannot cope he says im a different person Hurts !! Shell