Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => Personal Experiences => Topic started by: Lizab on January 11, 2016, 07:48:14 PM
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I'm sorry I'm going to rant a little.
Five months ago, I turned from perfectly healthy and sane, to a weepy, irritable, anxious mess, unable to function in daily life. We tried adjusting my thyroid meds, even though my levels were fine. My gp is fantastic and puts more weight on symptoms than blood test results. Tinkering with the thyroid proved wrong. I became extremely hypothyroid and wasted months bringing that back into balance. Strange thing though, I felt better in many ways in a hypothyroid state. So now I've added in estrogen and progesterone, and it's still very early, but I want results now. I'm not shopping or cooking. I'm barely cleaning. I'm relying on my husband and friends to do everything for me because I'm either too fatigued, too dizzy, or too anxious to do anything. I don't believe it's exactly agoraphobia that I'm dealing with, as I want to get out so badly it's killing me. It's that in the state I'm in, I never know what symptom is going to hit me and when. I can't risk being out with my toddler and have a spell. I do have good moments. But there's the other problem: I'm so damned optimistic that when I have a good evening, I think I'm finally in balance and done with all this. Then if I'm having a time of it the next morning, I get fed up and my confidence plummets.
I know it takes time. This whole stupid thing is a transition. Although I mentally went to shit overnight, I had the wacky periods for years. Logically, I know it's fine, normal, whatever, but I'm so tired of being dependant on everyone because I can't pull it together. I want instant relief. I want me back. I'm blubbering on about this now because I had a great day yesterday after my first night of the progesterone regimen. I thought I finally found the key! But last night's side effects were awful. I didn't sleep well, and sleep deprivation makes me crazy. I'm trying to give it time, not like I have any other choice, but I'm struggling.
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:bighug: enjoy your time with the toddler, there's lots to do indoors. How old is the toddler? Card games? Hide and seek …. that is the Dad hides small toys around the lounge/kitchen and leaves a list for you, a tick each time the little 'un finds something? Drawing, painting - something that you can supervise without too much effort?
I found that I have to limit my energy levels and not do too much in any one day. Otherwise I'm exhausted the next day!
Do you feel guilty about your husband/friends 'doing' for U?
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Guilty? Yes. But I know they don't mind. I am lucky to have incredible support from friends. Since I've hit it early, we joke that I'm going to get them through this when their time comes. And I feel guilty at times that I'm limiting my kids' social lives.
But mostly I'm bored! I want my life back! Everyone is managing the day-to-day activities fairly well. But I want to participate. I delegate and spectate while life goes on. It sucks.
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Sure does! Is it possible to take something for the anxiety on an 'as necessary' basis?
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I don't have anything for anxiety. I will have to ask for that soon if the hrt doesn't kick in. I was reviewing my list of symptoms that I took to my initial gp visit, and I still have all the symptoms. So, do I give more time? My estradiol patch is only .375, began Dec 26. Do I ask for an increase already?
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Wish there was a magic button I could press to solve this for you (I'd press it for myself first though!)
Don't do too much in one day. Be gentle with yourself. Maybe check your diet? I need to eat little and often now - can't go long without food or I feel awful. Also, I've had to adjust what I eat. Maybe keep a note of when you feel good/bad and what you have been doing/eating to see if you can find any links. Caffeine & sugar are big 'NO's for me. Herbal teas help. As does drinking lots of water.
I found getting some sun and fresh air every day helps too - I have a dog, so not much choice about going out but even if it's just round the garden or down the road. Sometimes, I wrap up in layers and just sit outside for a bit!
It's a tough time, and I think it's harder when you are surrounded by other people your own age who aren't having to cope with it. Though I sometimes find it harder when I'm with older ladies who assume I'm not 'there' yet...ended up in tears yesterday after someone 25 years older than me was talking about the 'active part of life being over' once you're menopausal and that's why you get the menopause. Which is really stupid & I know she'd be gutted if she knew she'd upset me, but hey, try telling my hormones that! ::)
I try to take each day as it comes, so I enjoy a good day as a gift and when a bad day comes, I tell myself that maybe tomorrow will be better. No, it doesn't always work (see yesterday for proof!), but it does sometimes!
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Hi Lizab
Sorry to hear you're having a rough time.
Is switched my HRT around for about 2 years before I got settled. Well not entirely settled but better than I was.
The anxiety is massive for me and the sleep deprivation can be bad too.
I'm also on Ad's as well as my HRT, I use evorell 50 patch for oestrogen and utrogestan 200, maybe your dose isn't right?
Unfortunately it takes quite a while for some of us to get sorted, I hope it is soon for you.
Don't be afraid to swap and change your HRT, (with doctors advice), in my experience it may be what you need.
Shellb
xXx
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Maybe it is best to assume that you are not going to 'pull yourself together' for a few months/couple of years and arrange things accordingly. eg, get a cleaner, do your shopping online, modify your menu to more simple cooking. Then use the energy you have to modify your diet, go out for nice reasons eg walk with your toddler (or slug hunt in the garden ::),
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Plenty of slugs here if you want to wander round ;)
It can take 3-5 months before HRT begins to show results. If you are recently starting then the symptoms remain and then the body gets a hit of hormones ………
You could speak with the Practice Nurse or a Pharmacist - explain what you are taking and for how long and check when it would be expected to hike the dosage if symptoms remain ………. I usually go in with 'I didn't take everything in that I was told last time, could you remind me about ……….. ' ::)
Let us know how you get on!
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Hi
Can relate to you and your suffering.
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My personality changed overnight aged 50 (56 now) all started with dizziness feeling off balance Doctors told me it was due to Labrynthitis......grrr every month a couple of days before my period and during my period I would feel so off balance Icould not function. I had head zaps anxiety mood swings. My life as been a nightmare.
I did settle on HRT up until last year 2015 was a horrid year, lost my job in TV would not go out due to a fainting phobia. My friends don't come round as they only want to be around the old me who was the bubbly party organiser.
My advice would be do your research, listen to your body and request what you need. By the way I too take 125 thyroxine.
Good luck
Wx
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<wave< Warwick ;)
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Awww - thanks CLKD you, Hudity and the other ladies on this site got me through 2015. I remember wanting to give up as I thought, know one could feel as bad as I did.
I brushed myself down and decided its another year so I will make some changes and hopefully nothing can be as bad as last year!
My motto is risk nothing and get nothing....... so here goes!
Wx
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:medal: it's relentless at times :'( - when I feel well I appreciate every moment :-*
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Well, girls, I wandered out today for the first time in weeks! I had one hot flash/anxiety spell (I'm really not sure. Perhaps both? Chicken or egg?) that lasted only a few moments, but after remained jittery until we returned home. I'm still not ready to take on the world alone with kids in tow, but it was nice to get out and take care of a little business.
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:medal: :foryou:
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Well done, LizaB - it's lots of little battles that win the war!
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Well done you xXx
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…… tired today? I often find that when I have a 'good/better' day I am shattered the next ::)
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I think I'm about the same today. I wouldn't say I had a great day yesterday, but it was still nice to get out. But yes, I've noticed that too. I always pay for it the next day.
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Hi Lizab
I've forgotten how old you are but I presume quite young if you have a toddler - and also wherabouts in menopause you are? That dose of patch is quite low - but if you were still having regular periods then it should help. What progestogen are you taking? I think you might eventually need to increase your dose - but if you only started on Boxing Day that is very recently!
Dororthy - what a ridiculous and sweeping statement for that woman to make!! I am 62 and probably 8 years post-menopausal and I am much more active than I have been at times in the past and make a conscious effort to be so. I can see how upsetting that would be - but never fear there is plenty of life in us all if we can find it and if we look after or health, and don't have too many adverse life events.....
Hurdity x
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Hi Hurdity
I'm 39, and I am not having regular periods. They began changing probably 5 years ago, then went wild, frequent and heavy, after the birth of my youngest. I guess she isn't a tot anymore, at nearly four. The past two years I have been skipping 3 or 4 months at a time. I am taking Prometrium 200, ten days per month. I believe it is the US name for Utrogestan.
A symptom specific question about the hrt: I see posts about women getting a weird head feeling. I get this, and it often precedes a hot flash but not always. I bundle it with hot flashes and anxiety attacks because they all seem connected but it's very difficult to describe. Does hrt help this? I've seen lots of forum posts on this, but never any definitive responses about the cause or solution. I would feel loads better if I knew that the hrt should eventually help this particular symptom.
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I am 62 and probably 8 years post-menopausal and I am much more active than I have been at times in the past and make a conscious effort to be so.
:thankyou: Hurdity, that is really encouraging for those of us still going through it! Sometimes it's easy to start thinking this will last forever! You've reminded me of my friends' mum, who had an early menopause around 38 - she is now in her early 60s, working part time, doing voluntary work, caring for grandchildren - she's slim, fit, looks terrific and has boundless energy. Yet I know she had a rough time going through the change.
Lizab, I don't know much about HRT as I am on BCP instead, but it might be worth asking your GP if you need a stronger dose. It's difficult to say if the HRT will help the 'weird' feeling, but assuming it's hormone-related, there's a fair chance it should.
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I have a small victory today! I woke this morning, still like a meerkat, as I believe GypsyRose calls it, and waited for my morning hot flash, but it never came! I don't whether to credit the 3rd week of estrogen, the 6th dose of progesterone, or that I changed from a generic to brand patch Tuesday. I still feel weird and a little unsteady in my legs, but I haven't cried since Monday and no morning hot flash today, so something seems to be working. Now if I could only get a burst of energy that isn't the anxious do-nothing kind of energy that makes me shaky and weak.
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Early days yet,one step at a time..... ;)
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I know, and if I have a bad spell in the evening or tomorrow, I'll probably be a blubbering mess again. Optimism is my weakness in all this mess.
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A little update in my hrt progress in case anyone's curious:
I finished my 10 day course of progeterone last night, in my 4th week on the estrogen patch. I have been feeling significantly better the last few days. Yesterday, I started my period. I feel bizarre today, fragile and raw and generally uncomfortable, like a regular period but perhaps amplified. I'll take that over the foggy, weird, dying feeling. Also, the weepiness is almost completely gone. I'm spilling tears once every few days now.
I've seen others post about hitting a low after their Utrogestan course. I hope I don't experience that. One day at a time :)
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Thanks for the update! Yes we are interested, it's that there's a lot of posts to catch up on ::)
Are you keeping a mood/HRT diary. I keep track by putting down my worser days on the calendar when necessary.
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Yes, CLKD, I'm tracking symptoms and mood, as I was finding one thing seemed to lead into another and I wouldn't even notice that my original complaint had resolved itself. I hope it all falls into a nice, neat pattern. It's easier for me to handle if it's predictable. It's the sudden, coming from nowhere symptoms that throw me into a panic.
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So far so good. Hope it continues well for you. You're right that it helps so much if you can 'map' what is happening - I find I know when to expect most of my down days - the ones that come out of nowhere are far more scary!
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Ok. Heading into my second month on estradiol patch, I feel a bit better. After the course of progesterone, I did have 4 days of being very irritable. The past few days I almost dare to say I've felt VERY good! I still have moments and bad days, but moments of needing to retreat and rest is so much better than not being able to get out of bed. I'm still not driving and not going out much, but I feel like I'm getting there!
I'm noticing that my .375 patches seem to "run out" after two days, so the last day or day and a half is hard. I know the patch is supposed to give even delivery throughout, so this is crazy, but I feel it. On Tuesdays I change it at night, so it's not as obvious. Tuesday is not a great day, then I wake up fine on Wednesday. But Saturday I change in the morning, and I wake up down on Saturday, but by mid-afternoon I feel fantastic. My crying spells only come in the day(or hours) before patch change now.
I wonder where I go from here. There can't possibly be anything more evenly dosed than a patch, right? Would asking to bump up to .5 help, or would I have an even stronger fluctuation when it "runs out"? I don't think my doctor will be keen adding gel to a patch and toying with what feels better. With young kids in my home, I'm don't like that idea either. Can anyone advise?
I can't believe how severely reproductive hormones can affect life. I know I'm still early in this, but the difference from now and a few months ago is incredible.
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So pleased that you are feeling better! The thing I found was, on my better days, not to do too much because I used up energy fast and ran the risk of being back to square 1! Are you keeping a mood/food diary, I can't remember ::) but it will give you a check back when you feel 'worse' rather than better.
Can't help with the amounts of HRT but I'm sure someone will be along with advice!
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I've read several things that really only credit hot flashes, night sweats, and period irregularities to menopause, and the other bazillion symptoms are blamed on disturbed sleep from the night sweats.
I thought this was nonsense, as I am not getting night sweats now, and when I had them, awful as they were, I felt much better than I do now. I do have trouble falling asleep sometimes, but other than that, I'm a good sleeper. Or so I thought. I've realized the past few days that my sleep quality is not good. I think it's been bad for sometime, but ironically, I was too tired to notice. In my 20s, I frequently had sleep paralysis experiences. Recently I've been waking in the night or early morning feeling that the bed is shaking or vibrating. I thought this was menopause internal tremors that I occasionally see mentioned on the internet. I went to searching again and found it may relate to hypnogogic sleep problems, or sleep paralysis. This vibration sensation is very different from the suffocating feelings I had in my 20s, but it's a relief to know what it is, and that perhaps it's affecting me the same as night sweats would (turning me into an emotional mess).
So, maybe there's another piece of my puzzle. Tomorrow is my first followup since starting hrt. I'm hoping he'll agree to a slight dose increase from .375 to .5. I think that's a small enough increase and small enough dose that I should be able to tell for sure if it's helping me. And if that doesn't help, goodness, I don't want to think about more weeks and months of trying to sort this mess. I can see why so many give up on hrt early on. I hope a small increase will help.