Menopause Matters Forum
General Discussion => This 'n' That => Topic started by: gilaray on December 23, 2015, 05:56:45 PM
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THINGS I HATE ABOUT CHRISTMAS
The intolerable build up
The retail frenzy, the buying of items that are just fripperies. We have everything, a lot on the world have nothing
The media portrayal , there are so many for whom this is the most depressing period whether it be due to loneliness, or war and everything in between
The planning, food shopping, cooking, cleaning. All extra at xmas, I would prefer to be waited on hand and foot and have someone else do all the prep and hard work. Perhaps the Queen could invite me for the xmas period, I dont think she has to go to Sainsburys!!
The crap TV over the entire xmas period
As for xmas day its no big deal, just a Sunday roast with paper hats and tinsel
THING I LOVE ABOUT CHRISTMAS
The no mans land week of xmas is the perfect chance to get together with family and friends, and only at xmas would you ever drink champagne in the morning!!!
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I hate the secularisation of Christmas.
I love the Christmas services.
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YES Christmas carols - love them
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We don't bother with all the rubbish. I ignore all the hype as much as possible. We don't like over eating and feeling rough or eating rich foods. We don't drink a lot. I don't bother with decorations any more, just the lovely tree and cards. Low key. Relaxed. I hate the crowds when shopping, but this year I had food delivered, did my shopping early as I knew I would be convalescing. My daughter cooks the meals.
This year will be a bit more special, as my grandson is now 3. He's excited about Father Christmas, advent calendars and presents.
My son and his wife really want to be here with us. My son says he wants his daughter to love Christmas like he does. He says I made it magical. We didn't have loads of money and kept it simple. We made our own traditions. The plane fares are really hiked up at Christmas, but he's talking about coming next year. I hope so. Then we would have 2 children running around to make it special.
I have missed singing Christmas carols this year. Dulciana, you must be immersed in all the music at the moment. How lovely.
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Dulciana, you must be immersed in all the music at the moment. How lovely.
Mm-hmm! There's a lot of it, Ju Ju, but it is lovely. And I'm going to play the Hallelujah Chorus at half past midnight...... ::)
I bet you're glad you're having your food delivered. That must have helped you so much, at the moment. Your family Christmasses sound wonderful - what joy to look back on. And what a joy to look forward to your little grandson experiencing Christmas! Have a happy time.
Dulciana
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Thank you! I am looking forward to it. My grandson is wonderful to give presents to, as he loves everything we give him. He plays with everything and on his birthday, opened presents to the cries of ' I like it! I like it!' And he automatically says thank you. Suffice to say, it is easy to spoil him. We spread present giving over both Christmas Day and Boxing Day, mainly because my parents come on Boxing Day and GS is not overwhelmed.
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I don't dislike Christmas, I hate the New Year. Just hubby & I to cook for this year. He said not to go to any bother, so am doing some cheating. Shop bought prepared veggies which I just put in oven. Hopefully catch up on Skype with granddaughters.
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TBH im unsure about christmas, I put up the tree and decorations at the beginning of christmas and try and get excited, I hate christmas shopping, never know what to buy people, to many people about (dont like crowds). Since getting married and buying our own house our familey christmas changed, my parents and brother come to our house which is good as parents in there 80's so they like to be waited on which is fine. 87 year old Auntie who lives on her own has joined us the passed couple of years which is nice. I think ive come to dislike christmas because it more for children and I dont have any. Infact yesterday after everyone had gone home I got very emotional and started to cry, mum and dad look so old and I started to think of past christmases when I was little and growing up. Im not good with change and dad made a comment on living on borrowed time which made me sad as im close to my dad. I think thats why i didnt sleep too well last night and one the computer with a brew so early. I hate New Year and Jan, Feb, Mar depresses me alot. Basically im not in a great place mentally at the moment.
Clio
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Hate,
Not seen my kids since 1996 (they are now 32,34 and 36) coz of a controlling manipulating ex. Don't ask me what or suggest what I can/could do as I've done it already :'(Yes I've done all the usual regarding trying to see them, have given up). So I don't like Christmas, then it's my daughters birthday on New Years Day, so don't like that or New Years Eve either.
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Louisa, I'm so sorry about your situation. I hope it helps to 'talk' about your children and to be heard here. I can understand how this time of year is the most painful time of all. I hope you are experiencing love at home now.
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Louisa, I'm so sorry about your situation. I hope it helps to 'talk' about your children and to be heard here. I can understand how this time of year is the most painful time of all. I hope you are experiencing love at home now.
Yes I've a very loving and caring husband.
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Good. You deserve unconditional love. And what is there not to love about you! I send you my love too.
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Good. You deserve unconditional love. And what is there not to love about you! I send you my love too.
Thank you Ju Ju, what you say is appreciated :thankyou: :hug:
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Sorry to hear that Louisa, you seem to be in a worse place than me. If you need to chat about it we are all here for you. :hug: :hug:
Clio
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To cut a very very long story short. I suffered domestic violence - not really physical, more mental. We decided to get divorced, the kids were adamant that they wanted to stay with their father ( heaven knows why) therefore they needed the house to live in, one of had to leave and as the kids wanted to be with him I left. I went to a womans refuge and was there for a year. He must of influenced them not to see me, heavens knows I've tried to see them. I did find one of my daughters a few years ago, I went round to seen her, was told to go away and received a solicitors letter tell me never to contact her again . I was a very devoted mother, I didn't do drugs or booze, they were my life.... I've given up, I'm staying positive in case they ever do decide to see me sometime way off in the future then I will be in one piece, not an emotional wreck etc.
Oh, it's my eldest daughters birthday on New Years Day too. :'(
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Louisa, im so sorry to hear that, I think mental abuse is worse than physical. Ive had some shitty things happen to me in the past with an ex fiance. This even came up in my first councelling session that I have started to have. I hope they do get in touch, im sure they will when they are ready as they must have loads of questions they need answering. Do they live nearby?
Clio
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I said earlier that the kids were my life, I mean that they ARE my life.
No they are not near to me Clio, I'm in Mid Wales and they are in a part of Cheshire.
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Clio, you say I'm 'in a worse place than you' Maybe, but then there are people on this world who are in a worse place then myself.
I have to focus on what I do have in my life, the positive things otherwise I will fall apart.
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Louisa - have you thought to keep a diary as to your life - how much you miss them, write a little note as to why you left for when they appear at your door. I am sure that eventually curiosity will over-come anything that their Father has fed them ; …… Could you send a note to each via their GP Surgery? At least the Surgery will be aware of how you would like to have contact and also, why any problems are 'there' that the GPs may be involved in ;-).
You could put a big 'item' in the local papers: Western Mail and Cambrian News for starters? "Hi A/B/C - Mum here, thinking of you daily despite the difficulties over the years. I wish you well on your birthdays date/date/date …….. I wish you good health and should you be curious about any medical history that might affect your future, do get in touch"
Or perhaps via the Salvation Army who can track people so that you can info. and can contact when they are ready.
I HATE C.mas because of bad childhood memories and associated anxiety = :sick02:
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CLKD, I was warned off from making ANY contact by my daughters solicitor and I don't fancy going to court.
However you idea of writing a story - that's brilliant :thankyou: That is something I CAN do. ;D
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That was one child? How long ago? Maybe things have changed emotionally?
Keeping a story for them to read should they eventually surface? It may be that when they become parents they may feel it necessary to contact you!
DH loves Ch.mas :-\ ………. he's now looking for receipts as 2 of the jumpers he choose don't fit ::) ……… the 3rd 1 is
lovely :-*
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Louisa - From what you say your kids are grown up now ("they are now 32,34 and 36").
Presumably they don't live with your ex any longer, have you tried to contact them recently?
It could be that he was/is controlling them like he did to you.
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Maybe an 'open letter' via a magazine might encourage 1/them to contact you? Things said in haste and the longer apart the harder it is for children to dare contact family members. However, acceptance that this is their choice and that you will always miss them, does mean that you won't have any deeper hurt which may happen should you meet up. There are probably counsellors who deal with the possible fall-outs in such histories, how about an adoption society for advice?
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It was only 3 years ago when I contacted my youngest daughter. I was told about 5 years ago my eldest daughter was seen pushing a pram - the baby may of been hers or she could of been babysitting.
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Maybe an 'open letter' via a magazine might encourage 1/them to contact you? Things said in haste and the longer apart the harder it is for children to dare contact family members. However, acceptance that this is their choice and that you will always miss them, does mean that you won't have any deeper hurt which may happen should you meet up. There are probably counsellors who deal with the possible fall-outs in such histories, how about an adoption society for advice?
CLKD, I've just been in the attic, I've an antique small leather case in there which contains items/letter re the kids. I've already written my stories and they are still relevant. Not thought about an adoption society, will give it some more thought.
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I'm thinking of support for you. Some place to go that sees the fall outs of long distance separations - so that you can weigh up the pros and cons before taking this further.
3 years is a while ago ……….. don't give up hope but don't jump into anything up to your knees ;)
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:thankyou: CLKD, you have been very helpful, you have put a lot of thought into options. :ange:
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I don't want you hurt any more than your history has hurt already ……
This time of year and 31st Dec. can be bummas for re-awakening hurt :'(
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I don't want you hurt any more than your history has hurt already ……
This time of year and 31st Dec. can be bummas for re-awakening hurt :'(
Your'e telling me, everyone is welcoming in the New Year with Big Ben. I did in the past but not anymore, I'm in bed about 9.30 - 10pm.
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I've found this website, going to join.
www.matchmothers.org
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That looks like a lovely organisation Louisa - I hope you are able to get some support from them to help you, especially over this extra-difficult time, though I know it must be hard all the time.
Thanks for sharing the name of the group - I will recommend it to a friend who has lost contact with her daughter due to the father manipulating and lying to the child so that she no longer wants to see her mum. Hope she finds it helpful too.
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That looks like a lovely organisation Louisa - I hope you are able to get some support from them to help you, especially over this extra-difficult time, though I know it must be hard all the time.
Thanks for sharing the name of the group - I will recommend it to a friend who has lost contact with her daughter due to the father manipulating and lying to the child so that she no longer wants to see her mum. Hope she finds it helpful too.
Yes give it to your friend asap, I know exactly how she feels. Tell her about myself if you wish to.
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Just joined online, you can pay with Paypal too.
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I truely hope the support from the ladies on here helps and also the 'matchmothers' sounds promising. My thoughts are with you.
Clio
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Clio, support from all of you is priceless, All of you are angels :ange: :hug:
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Anything that can ease someone's pain even briefly is important.