Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => Other Health Discussion => Topic started by: honorsmum on December 12, 2015, 11:17:27 AM
-
I posted last week about pain and an AWOL period.
Period showed up and I thought the pain had gone. However, I am still getting an almost constant heavy/dragging sensation low down in my abdomen, along with intermittent low back pain. I occasionally get right handed stabbing pain in my groin.
The discomfort is worst when I am sitting down - it feels like there is a load of tennis balls or something in my abdomen.
Reading around the forum, I'm wondering if it could be an ovarian cyst, or maybe some kind of prolapse? I mentioned to DH sometime ago that I look "unzipped" down below (can't think if a better way to describe it!), and can see what looks like a bulge showing close to my perineum (think that's where it is). It is most noticeable when I sit on the loo.
I have Crohn's and IBS, so obviously spend a fair amount of the time on the loo!
I'm getting myself into a total twist about it all. I hate going to the doctor, but this isn't going away and it's not very comfortable quite a lot of the time.
-
Honorsmum - Even though you don't want to see a Dr it would be best to get it checked out to find out what it is.
-
Thank you, Lumpy, I know you're right.
It's so hard - I recently received a poison pen letter, telling me that I am a massive hypochondriac who feigns illness at every opportunity, in order to get my husband running around after me. It said that they felt sorry for my children and husband having to be saddled with me.
My Crohns was misdiagnosed as "anxiety" for over 6 months, by which time I was very ill and had had a breakdown of sorts. That is why I avoid seeing doctors as much as possible - I get myself into a total state.
I feel so uncomfortable and anxious, I need to see a GP. Hate, hate, hate it.
-
Oh Pet no wonder you feel down.
Ignore that ridiculous horrid letter - the moron who sent it is beneath contempt.
Your Crohns is real it's not made up.
The lump you describe is real and needs checking out. :hug:
-
Thank you so much for your understanding, Limpy.
I know an amount of what I'm feeling is pure anxiety. Getting a diagnosis for Crohn's was so difficult, it really affected how I feel about doctors. My GP at the time actually said, "It isn't Crohns - if it was, you'd be really ill." - I was passing diarrhoea with blood twenty times a day, lost half a stone in a weekend, could barely function, was in pain, but she didn't believe me.
A similar thing happened concerning my daughter. When she was little, she never behaved like other children. I raised it with my health visitor, who told me that I was obviously an over-anxious mum who wasn't coping and must have PND. Eventually, my daughter was diagnosed with ADHD.
I am now so scared of seeing health professionals, for fear of being thought of as anxious or hypochondriac.
-
The person who sent this letter is ill. It is not personal; it's about this person. It has reactivated past insecurities, so that you start questioning yourself as if you deserve this abuse. You do not. There is never any excuse for such abusive behaviour. If you receive any more, pass the letters to the police.
As to your present health issues, please seek medical advice. See a doctor. Take your husband or friend in with you initially for confidence. You have physical symptoms. We've all had experiences of being dismissed over things that either required attention or reassurance. I have to say I have had excellent service from the young GPs who have recently joined my surgery. Let us know how you get on. Write down what you are worried about in order to clarify things in your mind or to refer to when seeing the doctor.
-
Thank you, Sparkle and Ju Ju.
I have changed doctors surgery this year and have yet to see any of the new GPs. Maybe fresh ears will make it easier for me?
Ju Ju, you have hit the nail on the head. The letter hit my weak spot, as it was intended to do. I feel ashamed and embarrassed that someone feels so strongly towards me as to be motivated to send such a letter - is that what people really think about me? Do people dislike me that much?
Crohn's is such an unglamorous, unpleasant disease - I don't feel I can easily talk about it, so maybe people believe that I'm not ill because they can't see any outward sign of it?
I will make appointment next week. My husband has already offered to come with me. I feel better just from being able to offload here - thank you.x
-
Hello honorsmum.
I agree with the other ladies, the letter writer is the one with the problem, not you.
I have had bowel issues all my adult life always being told it was IBS. When I mentioned to a GP that my Aunt had Ulcerative Colitis and our symptoms were similar my dismissive GP said it couldn't be UC because I had yet to be hospitalised! I was eventually diagnosed with UC five years ago.
Many women have fibroids, cysts and a prolapse so it wouldn't be unusual if you had these issues and your doctor would see plenty of these cases, it's certainly nothing to do with hypochondria.
You are perfectly entitled to the correct help and treatment and I hope your doctor is both sympathetic and efficient.
I wish you well and do please keep us updated.
Take care.
K.
-
Yes, it hurts and it is bewildering, particularly when you don't know who sent the letter. I have been the target of abusive behaviour from someone I knew and tolerated it because a part of me thought I deserved it. I worked with a life coach who helped me turn this around. He said, "what's there not to love about you?" I say that to you. By letting it affect you, you are colluding with them and becoming a victim. By making a choice, you can stop this bullying harming you. As I said before, pass any more letters to the police. I doubt you are the only person to receive a letter from this dysfunctional person.
All the best with your visit to the doctor.
On a light note, my DH had to see a consultant about lesions he gets on his skin. With the consultant was a student doctor. The consultant was busy writing notes, barely looking at him. It was at the time of comic relief red noses and for some reason, DH had one in his pocket. He put it on his nose then complained about his nose becoming red. The student was convulsed in laughter while the consultant carried on scribbling away. Eventually, she did look up to see what was going on and joined in the laughter. A lesson learned, perhaps in having eye contact and people skills? Doctors are just people.
-
Hello honorsmum, sorry you are feeling like this. That letter was just nasty and the person who wrote it must have serious problems. I have Chrons and initially I was labelled a worrying neurotic new mother but the evidence soon became hard to ignore. I had a bag but then developed endometriosis - again not easy to diagnose. But until this year when life came crashing down, I looked quite well and was never underweight like many Chrons patients so I think many people felt I was putting it on so to speak, and boy does that hurt. Especially when you are struggling to come to terms with a life long illness it's the last thing you need.
Hope you feel more confident with your new doctor and are able to move forward with this . Maybe then you will feel more confident - plus of course this is an amazing forum where you will find lots of support - trust me I know xx
Keep posting and sharing - you are not alone xx
-
I am so touched by your replies - thank you.xxx
I am fairly certain I know who wrote the letter. It is someone who was once a friend, who obviously knows about my illness and how it affects me. What makes it difficult is that I still have to see this person - she is a mum at my son's school. She has always been at the centre of everything - loud and outspoken - and seems to draw people to her. The sense of injustice I feel is overwhelming - she is larging it up, while I do my best to avoid her and can't expose her for the nasty, sick individual she is.
I was bullied in my school days and went on to an abusive relationship in my 20's, so yes, this has stirred up all those feelings of being a victim and powerless.
I am actually feeling a lot better today, physically and mentally. Talking about all this is so cathartic, and this is a wonderful place to be able to do so.x
-
HM - It's good you're feeling better in yourself today.
I think Ju Ju's comment about passing letters to the police, should any more arrive, is extremely sensible.
So, keep the wretched thing but don't look at it, put it at the back of a deep dark drawer.
Re the lady who may be the source of the letter, the best thing to do is ignore her as much as you can. If she insists on saying anything to you perhaps mention, in passing, you've had some strange unpleasant letters and have been advised to pass them to the police. Perhaps ask her what she would do in your situation.
It's good your husband has offered to come with you to the Dr, it always helps having two people then you can make sure you don't forget anything that is said to you during the appointment, and ask everything you want.
-
Thank you, Limpy.
We did actually speak to the police when the letter first arrived (we had been involved with a sergeant earlier in the year, over an unrelated incident). He said that they could visit the person in question and issue a warning that they believed she was intending to commit a criminal offence; 2 instances of malicious communication constitutes an offence.
After much thought, I decided not to go down that route, as the person in question has recently left her partner and her 2 children have been through a very difficult time - it didn't seem fair to put them through more upset because if their mother's behaviour.
Shortly after the letter arrived and I had decided not to act on it, her ex partner was diagnosed with lymphoma. Now, of course, she is playing the tragic (ex)wife and has people running around after her, feeling sorry for her etc. It is sickening.
-
You did what felt right and comfortable for you. Do not hesitate to follow through if she sends another letter. As you say, this lady is in a bad way. She is hurting and hitting out at other people. She saw you as a convenient victim, but don't be. And yes, avoid her. Well why would you want to be near her? You have responded with kindness. Well done!
-
Hi Honorsmum, sorry that you are having a 'blip' with things - I remember the conversations earlier this year around Dr's and surgeries. I avoided mine and didn't sign up with a new one, but then I felt I needed to go because my periods were 'freaking' me out. Long story short, I have found a Dr at the surgery who I feel OK with, she is older than me, straight forward, able to make eye contact and listen. I think she appreciates my anxiety but also listens to the practical, real concern that goes along with that (previous Dr kept focussing on the anxiety part only).
So, I really encourage you to have hope that a good GP for you will present themselves, it makes the world of difference. I am still anxious about all things medical, but at least I have a chance of building trust with this Dr and not feeding anymore anxiety than I need to by avoiding going.
Regarding the letter you received, that is just horrible. I have only been on the receiving end of what I would consider malicious behaviour a couple of times and once I also knew the person. I was so shocked at her take on things - I had to avoid her completely and keep my head straight about things. Please take no notice of the letter. It really is about her and perhaps jelousy or something else she needs that she feels you are getting or shouldn't be getting - basically it's just messed up projection on you. Nothing whatsoever to do with who you are or your circumstances. People can be cruel and thoughtless. x
-
You did what felt right and comfortable for you. Do not hesitate to follow through if she sends another letter. As you say, this lady is in a bad way. She is hurting and hitting out at other people. She saw you as a convenient victim, but don't be. And yes, avoid her. Well why would you want to be near her? You have responded with kindness. Well done!
Thanks you, Ju Ju. I think that is my problem - I just can't be nasty, even when someone has treated me in a nasty way.
-
Thank you, Brightlight.
I think we're both similar personalities. Certainly my experiences sound very similar to yours - I know I am prone to worry, but hate it when that becomes the focus of any doctor's appointment. It would be great to find an empathetic Gp - I have heard good things about a couple at my new surgery, so fingers crossed.
-
Thanks you, Ju Ju. I think that is my problem - I just can't be nasty, even when someone has treated me in a nasty way.
[/quote]
And that is a beautiful quality to have. You are empathetic; you realise that others behave badly because of the pain they are in. You do not hit out and create further problems.
But do put boundaries in and look after yourself. Action when things go too far eg if another letter comes hang it over to the police. But I suspect you won't receive anymore. It sounds like she didn't get the reaction she wanted.
Now seek the medical help you need and deserve. Do not be apologetic for seeking help. Doctors are being paid to help you the patient. As I said before, the new young doctors I have seen have been helpful and keen to help. Even consultants have been kind and respectful. ( I rather fancied the bowel consultant, I saw. Very dreamy, despite examining me in places I would rather keep to myself!) You can help to be clear about what is worrying you.
-
I have made an appointment to see a young (I think) male doctor today. I'm going to try my best not to get emotional...fingers crossed!
Thank you all so much for your words of wisdom and support - sisterhood at its best.x
-
Thank you, sparkle.
Just got back. He wasn't as young as I expected, but pleasant all the same. After asking symptoms, he asked what my worry was - to which I replied ovarian cancer. He was very sympathetic, saying that that was every woman's fear. He asked a few more questions and then examined my abdomen thoroughly. He mentioned the possibility of an internal examination but didn't offer it today; he suspects my discomfort is more likely to be Crohn's or IBS related.
So, I am to see how things go over the next few weeks and make another appointment if things persist.
I am half relieved, half not - it's good to know he doesn't appear worried, but of course I'm worried he might be mistaken (my health anxiety loves to play tricks on me!)
-
Sparkle, I definitely think we are cut from the same cloth. :)
I like to think I am rational, but when anything about my health causes concern, all rationality flies out the window! I'm the same about my children, except that I can give myself a break from any problems they may have, because I don't have to experience it directly, if that makes sense - if I get a pain, I dwell on it 24/7, whereas if I can't feel their pain, I can stop worrying quite so relentlessly and think about other things from time to time.
With abdominal issues, there's really no escape, is there? It's the very core of your body. I had IBS years before I was diagnosed with Crohn's but it never worried me in the same way. I think having my Crohn's misdiagnosed for so long was the turning point for me, and triggered health anxiety.
Will Christmas be enough of a distraction to stop your fretting about your ENT appointment? Or will it get in the way and you won't enjoy it? This time last year, I was having tachycardia problems and the resulting anxiety ruined Christmas for me. I really want to be able to enjoy it this year, for my children's sake.
-
Do you think the root of health anxiety is the fear of death? Something to think about......a question that was posed to me.
-
Definitely, JuJu. My dad spent 6 months in ICU with severe acute pancreatitis, which his GP missed, before having his machines switched off. During that 6 months, I saw the mental and physical torture he went through - he begged us to let him die.
Last year, I lost a friend to breast cancer aged 38. She knew she was going to die for a year. She knew she wasn't going to see her children grow up. Watching her go through it was torture.
8 years ago this week, I was car jacked at knife point. While it was happening, I actually experienced the sense of "this is where my life ends." In the weeks following, my GP at the time told me I needed to put it down to "Fifteen minutes of bad luck" and move on. People told me it was a one in a million chance that it had happened, as if it should be some comfort, but it only served to make me think that if that could happen to me, ANYTHING could happen, no matter how remote the chances.
I don't even think it's death itself that frightens me, more the process that takes you there.
-
Another empathetic person here, our responses are very similar. Well done for giving the GP a visit and I'm glad it was an OK experience even if you couldn't get the definitive sense of peace you want.
I do hope all of us can somehow put these unknowns aside for Christmas but its challenging isn't it?
Death is a fear for me but more about hidden things that I can't prepare for. There is a direct link to the deaths of both my parents which were unexpected and other situations throughout life that provoked similar startle and shock responses in me. It's traumatic stress and its a very hard response to manage, your brain literally gets muddled with such high anxiety. I'm having treatment for it and with each new exposure to the dreaded 'feelings' which mainly come in response to medical stuff, I think its getting a bit better.
So maybe that helps? To know that we can't avoid health and managing it or the reality of things but a lot of the time the anxiety clouds reality, which I'm sure all of us can deal with when we have too. It's so tiring.
Honorsmum would it help to make notes of symptoms so you can reference it to help slow down thinking and worrying when your mind gets fixed on a a particular worry? Make the list and go back to GP in a few weeks and decide what to do next then?
Here's hoping we can live in the moment over Christmas. Singing with my choir tonight, feel I want to hide in a corner at home but know that's not useful, singing is :)
-
Thanks Sparkle - singing has the ability to reset me entirely, I feel completely whole at the end of it.
The startle response sets us up to magnify the already very human reaction, that we want to avoid pain and suffering. When that switch is primed, it's as if we are wanting and trying so hard to avoid what we can't avoid really. It's so hard for me to accept this, that if I can't change something, I can't change it, if something 'bad' is going to happen, I cannot always avoid it. It is a grown up reality - but I think if you have come close to 'death' or been around it or anything else that puts that possibility right in front of you, you CAN set up this startle response which is just horrible to experience when perhaps you don't really need to. It is a genuine mechanism but it's hard not to want rid of it or sometimes feel ashamed or 'silly'. I like that other people are willing to share their humanness - it's real. xx