Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => Personal Experiences => Topic started by: Maria_stoff on November 18, 2015, 12:03:30 AM
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Hello Everybody,
I was just after some general advice if that is okay? My mum is currently at the peri-menopause stage and is suffering with severe anxiety and possibly even depression because of the way her symptoms are making her feel. She is a shell of the person she used to be, she's lost all of her confidence, and she doesn't want to go out of the house, but then doesn't want to stay in it either.... Is this normal? She has had countless visits to her GP and sometimes even a&e a few times because she has felt so unwell. She's had blood tests, all coming back perfect, her thyroid checked, again perfect.
I think what she would really benefit from is hearing from others if they have had a similar experience. She doesn't really know anybody that has been through the menopause and so she feels entirely alone. I've made an appointment for her to go to a Menopause clinic this week and I'm really hoping that they will be able to help her out. I feel useless myself, as I'm only 21 and nowhere close to understanding what she is going through. Me and my brothers try to calm her down but she seems in such despair, and she hates it whenever she is left alone. It makes me feel so guilty, although it would kill her if she knew how much it is upsetting me. :( On top of this she is also having recurring migraines, which she has struggled with since she was my age, although she hasn't actually had for about 4 months, and now she's had two on consecutive nights. I'm really worried that the stress of it all will take it's toll on her :(
She's been on Evoquel Combi(?) patches for a couple of months now. After the first month or so she was much better, but then as the weeks have gone on she seems to be worse than ever. It started with continuous headaches for about a week or so, and then they just stopped, then it was crashing fatigue which she described as 'trying to walk through treacle'. That has eased off slightly now and she doesn't feel as tired, although definitely not herself. Her main problem now is severe dizziness and vomiting - bearing in mind my mum hasn't been sick in 30 years or so. :-\ She can be just sat putting on her make up and she just feels like she's going to fall off the chair, and sometimes when she gets up she can't walk in a straight line. I was just wondering if this was normal, and/or what your own experiences are with coping with the menopause? Any advice would be greatly received. I've just run out of things to say to her to try and make her feel better.
My own thinking is that what isn't helping is being stuck indoors. She was a self employed dog groomer but gave up about a year ago because of feeling unwell and now I think that she just doesn't know what to do with herself. She's always been a motivated woman but she's scared to get a job because for one her confidence has plummeted, and two she never knows how well she's going to feel. The mornings appear to be the worst, by about midnight she starts to feel normal ( even though she should be in bed!) but to be honest I think she savours those early hours as it is really the only time she feels herself again and I know that she wakes up with knots in her stomach for what the day will bring in terms of health. I know that associating her house with feelings of being unwell is probably psychologically making her anxiety worse and so a general question is what can she do to get herself out of the house?
Thank you in advance,
Maria x
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Hi Maria. It sounds like your mum is having a really difficult time and you have great insight into what is going on for her. I don't have any answers for you but much of what you say could be down to hormonal issues. Really positive step that your mum has an appointment with a menopause clinic, they will be able to help unravel things I am sure.
I am sure others will be along to welcome you, meanwhile try not to worry about your mum as you have done so much to help and understand her situation and she will find a way through the things going on for her. x
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Hi Maria. What a caring daughter you are and as BrightLight says the appointment with the menopause clinic will help her I'm sure.
If you mean Evorel HRT then the progesterone in this can give rise to depression in some women and PMT type symptoms so it could be that a change of HRT might be what's needed to help lift her mood. Has she been given anything for the depression and anxiety? It is common for depression sufferers to feel much worse in the mornings and then gradually improve as the day goes on.
As for the dizziness and vomiting - I think that this is unusual in menopause. You can feel dizzy sometimes but dizziness with vomiting could be caused by something else - an inner ear virus called labyrinthitis can do this - and I feel she should make a GP appointment to get this checked out.
Taz x :hug:
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Hello Maria, how do you think your mum would feel about looking at the forum? She doesn't have to join unless she wants to, but reading the information and posts about menopause could help her realise she is not alone.
Will she talk with you about what is happening to her, can you tell her how worried you are.
I used to try and protect my daughter from the worst of my troubles (my sons just thought I had 'gone mad'). Since I let down my guard and was honest with them my daughter especially has been very supportive as you are to your dear mum.
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Hi everyone,
Thanks for your responses :) Babyjane I will definitely get my mum to have a look through this forum, after posting last night I read some other posts and it's a relief to see that a lot of her symptoms are normal! She talks to me all the time about it - but so much so that I think it just overrides any other conversation altogether, which of course I don't blame her for but it would be nice to chat about normal things again.
Taz2 thank you for your advice on the HRT, I think this is definitely a strong possibility that it's the progesterone that is causing her to feel more down, as of Tuesday she's back on the oestrogen again so I'm hoping she will feel a bit better on that until she can change to a different kind. The GP's have tried to prescribe her tablets for the anxiety, although the GP herself said that she doesn't really like to prescribe them, which got my mum worrying and so she declined. I think a talking therapy would be a better option for her as she's a nightmare with taking pills. I've self referred her to a talking helpline who said that they'll be in touch soon, so hopefully that will help too. I'm just trying to cover as much as I can to get her some help :) The GP has suggested the possibility of an inner ear infection but they didn't test for it, just told her to come back if it got any worse. I'm actually thinking that the sickness might be the anxiety, as she was okay the other day but then my stepdad was told he may have to go to France for work and then she was literally 'sick with worry'.
Thank you all for your posts :)
x
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Hi Maria, could it be 'vertigo' My Mum suffered from that for some time, alongside the 'fear of outdoors' and 'fear of closes spaces', we had no idea at the time it was menopause.
I think you are a wonderful daughter to care so much about your Mum, its not easy - I know I did not give my Mum anywhere near the thought or care I should have, and my own daughter now has problems of her own.
I think she may find the forum helpful, if not to 'talk' to us yet but to read and understand many of us are going through similar feelings. I know I thought I was totally barking till I arrived here in the great company of fellow sufferers.
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:welcomemm: to you and your Mum! Browse round. Make notes. Have a list of symptoms to take to the Clinic appt..
This time of Life can feel isolating but if you both have a look here you'll have plenty of advice and experiences shared.
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Hi CLKD, SadLynda and Sparkle,
Thank you all so much for your kind words and advice, they made me cry (wonder where I'm getting it from!) ;D I've been reading everybody's posts over the phone to my mum and we're both extremely grateful for everybody's replies and safe to say it made both of us very teary, especially the kind words you have said to me. It's certainly an emotional time!
I've had a read up on Vertigo after reading your post SadLynda and I think this is exactly what she is going through and I'll be sure to mention it at her appointment tomorrow, so thank you.
You're all very lovely people and I am extremely grateful for you all taking the time to reply to my post. :thankyou::
Maria x
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Your poor Mum, she is really suffering. You are so good to look out for her like this.
I really hope your Mum can have a read through this site as she will see hundreds of posts all reporting very similar symptoms to your Mum. Hopefully this will reassure her.
I can identify so much with what your Mum is suffering from too. Out of the blue, a couple of years ago, I suddenly became irrationally anxious and distressed about stuff. I also disliked leaving the house, but was also terrified of being left alone. My personality changed over night. The anxiety gave me almost daily diarrhoea and digestive issues.
I assumed I was having a nervous breakdown, but for no reason I could think of? It was only when I came across this site that I had a light bulb moment.
You and your Mum will find a lot of sensible advice and support on here. Keep posting.
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Hi GypsyRoseLee,
I'm really sorry to hear that you too suffered but I'm glad that this forum has made you feel better :) I'm hoping that will be the case for my mum too! All this suffering because of hormonal imbalances! :-\
Thanks for your reply :)
Maria x
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Hello Maria_stoff.
I just wanted to agree with the other ladies and say what a wonderful daughter you are and your mother should be very proud of you ( and I am sure she is).
The menopause clinic is a great idea and for further support she is welcome to join this forum. She is not alone in her suffering and we are here to help.
Take care.
K.
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Hi Kathleen,
:thankyou: for your kind words, it means a lot! I feel that for 21 years she has always looked after me and so now it is my turn to give something back. She's my best friend and I don't know what I'd do without her and to be honest this feels like the least I could do to try and help her out :) Also I'm rather enjoying talking to people myself, just makes me feel good to log on and see such positive responses and such friendly people :)
Maria x
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We have a funny room too ;)
It will give you an insight - in 30 years time you may well be back ……….
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Well done for being so supportive Maria - it can't be easy, but your mum would be having an even harder time without so much love and care from you.
The dizziness and nausea does sound like labyrinthitis - my mother has had it several times.
Hope the menopause clinic is able to help your mum. Maybe once that is out of the way and she has treatment for the labyrinthitis, you could suggest a trip out somewhere for the two of you, even if it's just going out for a coffee somewhere nice? When you are first dealing with meno symptoms, it can feel overwhelming, but it is good to have a break and take your mind of it when possible.
Best wishes to both of you.
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Thank you Dorothy :). Fingers crossed this clinic will help tomorrow and I agree I really do think labyrinthitis is the cause of her dizziness. Hopefully her symptoms will be better soon and then we can enjoy doing stuff together again :) I'll post how she gets on!
Maria x
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Let us know! I had vertigo several years ago and it was AWFUL, couldn't lift my head from the pillow :'( which made bathroom visits difficult.
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Hi Everyone :)
An update on my poor old mum. I took her to the menopause clinic today and all I can say is what a fantastic lady this Doctor was. She explained everything so clearly, how mum's symptoms were normal and what she could do to change things. It turns out that the progesterone in the HRT Evorel Sequi that mum has been on for a few months is nasty stuff and makes about 40% of women that are on it feel really rubbish, which makes perfect sense as when she has been on the oestrogen she's been much perkier. Also interestingly her sleep disturbances are mainly to do with diet and too little oestrogen. Apparently eating too many carbohydrates and starch for dinner spikes the body's insulin levels, which in turn disturbs the body's slow wave sleep - therefore making her wake up feeling yucky and unrefreshed. I remember learning about this is psychology at college - I just didn't put the two and two together! I learnt so much today it really was fascinating and it's nice to know that I have this knowledge for when I'm older too :) She's now been given double strength oestrogen patches and now only has to have pure progesterone every three months (hurray!) which will apparently be a much purer version than the synthetic version of progesterone in the Evorel combi patches. She's also been given some oestrogen gel so that if she's feeling a bit ropey she can rub it on her arm and it absorbs really quickly :) I'd just like to thank you all once again for your lovely replies. I feel sad that I won't be posting on here as much, it's been quite therapeutic for me!
Thanks guys :thankyou:
Maria x :hug:
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Hello Maria.
Thank you so much for updating us. It sounds as if your mum is being well looked after and I wish I could visit her menopause clinic as they sound great!
Maybe we'll meet her on the forum one day, if not I guess we'll see you in about thirty years lol. Just kidding, you can come and talk to us old ladies anytime!
Take care.
K.
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Brilliant news! So glad your mum has been able to get some really good help. Best wishes to both of you.
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Great news Maria - so happy for you and your mum that you have had some great care and feel more positive about things x
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That is great news, so glad Mum has help now - well done to you too for being such a fantastic daughter :-*
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:thankyou: hopefully you will both be able to relax and enjoy the Festive Season etc. ;)
Let us know how she gets on.
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hi marie. firstly i want to tell you that you are a very caring daughter and your mum is lucky to have you. when i read your mums story it reminded me so much of how i used to be to the tee. im post menopausal and up to august last year i as a happy, confidence person with not a worry in the world. i was on holiday ith my husband and daughter when i started to shake uncontrollable in bed. the next morning i was catching my breath,and so afraid of everything. my confidence was rock bottom. it was scary i didn't know what was wrong with me. over the next couple of months i deteriorated. i also couldn't work drive and didn't want to be left alone. someone had to be with me all the time. i had lots of physical anxiety symptoms too. and suffered depression like your mam due to the symptoms of the anxiety. this went on for an year. until they found an antidepresant that suited me and also my gp decided to start me on hrt 10mg of femeston. my life has changed im back to myself,happy,enjoying life again. im back in work,driving again and all my confidence has returned. tell your mam she will get better and will get back to her old self. also walking,swimming going to the gym will her too. keeping busy, seeing friend and family also help,s. i really really feel for your mam because ive been there, and it not a nice place to be. i was also very lucky my husband and my children were amazing. my mum also. im glad your mam has you and your brothers. tell your mam to hang in there and take every day at a time. she will be writing a post one day letting us know of her recovery. please let me know how your mam is doing. and there are so many kind women on this site that will give you support and advise. this site helped me alot, knowing i wasn't alone and like your mam i didn't know anyone either that was suffering the same way as i was. hugs and kisses to your mam xxxxxxxx :)