Menopause Matters Forum
General Discussion => This 'n' That => Topic started by: Dyan on September 12, 2015, 02:13:16 PM
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Not sure which thread this should be under so I've put it here.
My 21 year old son lives at home and I've noticed that he drinks loads of sugary fizzy drinks.
I went into his bedroom to put some clothes on his bed and found cans & bottles in his bin.
Some of the cans were opened and still had about half the drink in them and some were empty.
Didn't think much of it until I went in another time and he had carrier bags full of fizzy drinks, again some half drunk,some still full and some empty.
I know I shouldn't have but I had a little look around and found cans & bottles tucked down the side of his bed and in bags hidden away.
Again half drunk some of them.
I decided to give his room a thorough clean out and when I went to pour the half drunk cans down the sink there was all bacteria floating on the top.
I kept all the bottles & cans so he could see how much he was buying/drinking( I counted about 45) and his comment was, " at least it's not alcohol"
He doesn't drink alcohol just soft drinks tea, & coffee all with sugar in.
My son was a big baby and has always had a weight problem but I'm really worried that all this sugar is doing him harm.
I have found more cans & bottles today hidden in his room,half drunk again, tucked down the side of his bed.Loads of them.
There was a carrier bag with 6 bottles in and his bin was full of empties but these had been put in a carrier bag tied, and then put in the bin.
My DH knows all about this and although he is worried too said, "it could be worse, drugs,fags,alcohol."
Yes, I know this but I think my son has an addiction and as diabetes is in the family I am really worried and don't know how to approach the subject to him.
My son is a lovely person and I love him but he is not very good at listening to me when I talk about something as important as this.He always likes to have the last word.
I thought the time when I kept all the cans & bottles to show him it might have hit home but if this is some kind of addiction it's not good.
I worry about his health and what must it be doing to his teeth?
Sorry for long post but I don't know what to do about this or how to even start to talk to him about it.
He is a 21 year old man and should take responsibility for his own health but I'm his mum and I do think he might have a problem.
Any advice would be much appreciated.
Thank you ladies.
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Really not sure what you can do Dyan because if he is anything like my son was at that age he just won't listen.
Does he do any sports or is he a member of a gym. The only thing you can really do is point out how much sugar he is consuming and leave it at that.
I'm sure he will come to his own conclusions and as he says at least he isn't getting drunk.
How is his diet in other ways.
My daughter around uni exam times consumes a lot of energy drinks which I hate her doing but the more I nag the more the heels get dug in.
Sorry I'm really not much help am I, but until he decides there is not much you can really do.
Honeybun
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He lives at home so you found out. Maybe he wants advice but perhaps you aren't the person to offer it? Why not call an addiction help-line to see if they have suggestions as to how to approach a young adult ………….
It could be a lazy habit ;) i.e. buying because he is thirsty then putting the cans down and not bothering to clear them up. However it could already be that he has a tendency to diabetes, that's how my Gran began, drinking lots and lots but it was a very hot summer so we didn't think much about it.
Is he up to the bathroom much in the night? Does he eat with you and is his diet generally good?
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:thankyou: HB
I think you're right. He has to decide what to do.
His diet is good that I feed him but I've no control over it when he's out and about,which he is a lot.
Am I just worrying too much? and be grateful it's not alcohol or drugs?
Me & my meno head :-\ worry,worry,worry........ But,I am a mum ;)
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No I don't think you are worrying too much. I assume that usually you don't access his room, being of the mindset that it is his space? therefore you found out. Maybe if you put a dustbin into his room for him to fill, bring down and empty into re-cycling he would be aware without it being in his face? It doesn't matter what it is, if it worries you !!! does he have friends back to yours, you could have a word to see how he drinks otherwise?
If he isn't using the fizzy drinks to substitute food that is good. However, with a genetic history of sugar issues ……. does he know?
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:thankyou: CLKD,
Like I said above, his diet is good that I give him but I don't know what he eats when he's not here. I have no control over that.
You're right. I don't think I'm the person to talk to him about it.
He can be very awkward at times.
I have noticed that he wees a lot.
It's like nigara falls when he goes ;D
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No, I haven't mentioned the diabetes in the family.
It was on my dad's side. His mother,sister & brother all had it and they say it can skip a generation :-\
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Time to tell him then! You can't protect him from everything but making him aware that diabetes is in the family is important. It is something that adoptive adults say a lot, that by not knowing their family medical history can lead to problems ;)
"It is time to tell you how diabetes affected A, B, C ……… so do let me or your GP know if you think you are drinking too much fizz." Unless confronted with the disease non of us really know that it can lead to amputation.
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:thankyou: :)
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You are welcome! He may not be interested in family history at 21 but with 'who do you think you are' currently airing, maybe that's the way to approach the subject? 'I wonder how many diseases like diabetes etc. that these celebs find hidden in their family trees?'
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Dyan - CLKD's right, it would be sensible to mention the occurrences of diabetes in the family.
Also, what it can lead to, loss of sight or lower limbs ain't trivial.
Is his drinking lots of sugary drinks a new thing?
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As the mother of the singularly most awkward and stubborn boy who is now nearly 27.
Stop worrying, he will grow out of it. Ok It's not ideal but if you were finding drugs in his room then you would have cause to worry.
As for the diabetes talk.....really at 21 they think they are indistructable ....I honestly wouldn't bother.
Maybe get hubby to mention it at some point......as in .....you know your mum worries about all that sugar you are throwing down your neck.
My advice is leave well alone. It's amazing the difference even a year makes maturity wise. But if he is anything like my son he will roll his eyes and make some smart remark and ignore you anyway.
Honeybun
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There is no difference between sugar dependancy and other drugs ……….. [lots of you worried about my use of 'emergency' anti-anxiety drug ;)] and these issues start small.
It already seems that the Dad isn't concerned ;) but the Mum is ……… at least if he is told, he may take it on board and the seed may be set for him to consider the outcome. Once he is told, the Mum can stand back for a while ;)
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:thankyou: all for your advice.
I'll have a chat with DH later and go from there.
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Let us know ;)
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I just know boys CLKD, when to talk to them, when not too.....and when to leave well alone ::)
They are awkward at the best of times but if your trying to tell them what to do you are flogging a dead horse.
Coming from dad....plant the seed....sit back and watch it grow.
Honeybun
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Lads of that age seldom listen to their mums, as I know too. Get his dad to have a quiet word, that's what I used to do. They seem to accept stuff better from a male. Might not stop your son's habit, but the seed will be sewn as HB says.
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Worrying about your children is part of the job description for being a caring, loving parent!
Do tell him about the diabetes in the family if only to stop him saying you should have told him at a later stage. Sadly, as others have said, children do hate unsought after advice. After all parents don't know anything or are too old to remember! Sometimes the message comes more successfully from other sources. However, you cannot help anyone if they don't want to be helped as they have to do the work. All you can do is be supportive.
I do wonder if there is some background issue or stress that is behind this as in comfort eating or whether he is actually very thirsty and sugary drinks are what he craves rather than water. You say he pees a lot, which of course can be the result of drinking a lot or could be health symptoms. Is he healthy or does get very tired and lethargic?
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Do you know what period of time the 45 cans were drunk over? If some had bacteria it sounds like it might be over a long period of time.
Did you ask him how many he actually drinks in a day? Maybe just asking might make him think about it. It's worth checking. I used to drink one can of something fizzy at work most days, occasionally I'd get a second can because the first, half-drunk can had gone flat or warm. I never had more than one can so was really surprised when a friend commented on my excessive fizzy drink habit. She said that because the can was always there she assumed I was drinking about 5 or 6 each day :o
Also is it worth trying to introduce him to slightly healthier options such as flavoured waters (I know they're not great, but most are better than normal fizzy drinks).
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Just caught up with this, I am so sorry Dyan, what a worry.
it is hard when your Son is an adult living at home -I have been there with mine, done that, got the tee shirt, as they say!! Not easy
I think man to man is a good idea and a little insight to the family history. Nothing heavy and 'obviously it's your life and you are not a kid anymore, but your Mum and me are just a bit concerned, that's all'
I don't know your son and you may throw that out with the water, but just my thoughts.
sending love and hugs, try not to worry too much. PN x x
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:thankyou: CB juju go & PN
I spoke with my DD today and she is willing to talk to him.
I told her it's not for her to do that but she said he listens to her ;) and she doesn't mind.
So we'll see :-\
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Will he be bothered about your talking behind his back ….. maybe DD has a stealthy way of raising the subject ;)
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I don't know :-\ maybe.
DD will say that we are worried about him but she is good at putting things across and they do get on quite well.
I just hope it doesn't upset things on that respect :-\
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That's a really good idea.
My son and daughter get on very well and she will go....in a much more direct way....than I would ever dare.
Good luck.
Honeybun
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Dyan - it would be really good if your DD could get over that lots of sugary drinks are not a good thing.
About 15 years ago, somebody (a 26 year old male) who was in my team at work ended up drinking lots of sugary drinks, ok he was on holiday and it was hot but he was found to have diabetes. Please get him checked.
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Sugary drinks are bad for you (and equally so if they're the diet variety as they contain aspartame) - the World Health Organisation recommends less than 25g of sugar per day. ONE can of Pepsi has 41g.
Getting him to change is another matter, my next door neighbour's daughter is a similar age and is rarely without a can of 'Monster' drink or Red Bull in her hand and just groans when I grimace at her. My teens have never liked coke but were partial to lemonade and squashes, as well as shop bought orange juice. It's been easier for me to get them to change as I stock the cupboards, but instead I make sure we always have jugs of fresh, cold water available with various fruit in for a subtle taste (or mint is particularly popular). It's taken a while, but now they show little interest in anything sugary.
Have you spoken to your son about the dangers of what he's drinking? Whilst health is often at the very back of someone's mind when they're that age, there are issues that may appeal to his more vain side - his teeth are likely to be suffering badly with such an onslaught.
https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=tooth+decay+sugary+drinks&espv=2&biw=1366&bih=643&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0CAYQ_AUoAWoVChMI14yytOT0xwIVBkAUCh1aWwG8 (https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=tooth+decay+sugary+drinks&espv=2&biw=1366&bih=643&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0CAYQ_AUoAWoVChMI14yytOT0xwIVBkAUCh1aWwG8)
Best of luck!
GG x
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Dyan - it would be really good if your DD could get over that lots of sugary drinks are not a good thing.
About 15 years ago, somebody (a 26 year old male) who was in my team at work ended up drinking lots of sugary drinks, ok he was on holiday and it was hot but he was found to have diabetes. Please get him checked.
Yes, I was wondering about diabetes too.
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I'm waiting ;D
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I'm waiting ;D
What are you waiting for CLKD?
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News about how DD got on talking with DS ;)
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Give them a chance CLKD ;D
It's not a life or death situation.
No doubt a moment will come up that's suitable.
Honeybun
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But I might forget to ask ;D
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Resolved?