Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => All things menopause => Topic started by: Sarai on August 18, 2015, 02:02:20 PM
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How sorry can we feel for ourselves? A large part of everyday I want to cry or do cry.
I'm sitting in Sainsburys car park having collected my vagifem, crying.
What have I become? This time last year I was happy, content, able to easily help my daughter, now I'm a wreck.
My hubby has been so good, I've had so much happen this year to my body but I'm dragging him down I know I am. We work at home together so I moan at him nearly all day. I force myself to get out every day, just an hour, but often I feel overwhelmed, like the world has got just too loud and busy.
Time to stop moaning or I could cry all day
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:bighug:
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It's horribre isn't it ,truly empathize with you
:hug:
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Hi - You have been to the doctor, and collected your prescription. It is probably because you have been under pressure about it and that has lifted now - leaving you free to sit and cry in the car park :foryou:
It is a lot when you are dealing with all the other meno stuff
Don't be too hard on yourself. <cup of tea and hug> You have achieved today's goal.
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Yes I cashed the prescription and thats why I was crying, I'm such a mess and now feel a failure having given in to getting this hrt. Plus I'm always scared of side effects from anything.
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I cried my eyes out after dumping a boyfriend when I was 19.
Things had gone downhill (if they had ever been up - it was always a dead in the water 'relationship'). I had spent the previous week (or more) hiding from him in the university library and generally being unavailable, but he did not get the message. I had to tell it to him straight, and even then it was a shock to him. He went (taking the stuff he had moved into my room ::) ) , and instead of punching the air and dancing round the room, I sat and bawled my eyes out. :-\ I think it was just the stress. It was very strange.
I hope the vagifem helps. It is not as scary as the leaflet makes out. At a recent menopause conference it was reported that one whole year of vagifem was equivalent to one hrt tablet. Good luck.
(PS - tell me what worked for you diet wise for constipation on the other thread. I have just eaten a whole packet of crisps and will be regretting it tomorrow ;D )
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Hello Sarai and so sorry that you are suffering.
I know it's small comfort but many women here know exactly how you feel and how difficult this time in our lives can be. I think a lot of us also feel overwhelmed by the changes that we are going through and guilty that the things we used to do so easily now seem too difficult or even impossible.
I have a friend who tells me she often feels sad and cries daily whereas I get the jitters and feel on edge. Whenever we meet we compare notes as it helps us both to feel less alone in our struggles.
I also complain to my husband constantly but he has learned that it is part of the menopause and knows it isn't personal, hopefully your husband feels the same.
Feel free to moan here any time, you are not alone and support is just a click away.
Wishing you well and take care.
K.
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Bless you. You haven't given in by getting HRT. You don't 'give in' by getting medication for diabetes or a stomach ulcer or a kidney infection, do you?
There are no medals given out for enduring night sweats or a constantly painful and sore vagina, or unbearably aching joints.
And even if there were medals I certainly wouldn't want one, because I am not a masochist.
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Big :hug: to you from me too. I think my car might need waterproofing inside the amount of tears it see's so you are NOT alone in this. You are not feeling sorry for yourself at all, its these darn hormones that have this effect, I know I almost got cross with myself today as I loath self pity, but this is not such a thing at all.
Just think, what a good job it is that men don't get all this to deal with. But then, I bet it would be more talked about.. or would it?
Do you have a friend you can meet up with? I did that today and I feel 100% better for it.
Meanwhile more hugs, and try think how much better you are going to feel when that vagifem kicks in, hoping I will be prescribed some soon. x
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It is difficult. At a time when you are supposed to have got life sorted and know what you are about, you get menopause thrown at you with all its unknowns. I feel as clueless as my 19 year old self that could not dump a useless boyfriend, in some respects.
Then you are told it is wrong to use hrt and it is wrong to not use hrt and it is will give you cancer etc etc etc, when your head is suffering from fog, and you can't string words together properly or remember anyone's name.
I'll get a cup of tea......... ;)
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Hello again ladies and well said GypsyRoseLee.
When my son was sixteen he had his appendix out and was told to always ask for pain relief as there were no medals for suffering unnecessarily. He took the tablets, felt much better and recovered well.
I think the advice given to him can easily apply to us as well.
Sarai - You may find that you only need a little HRT for a short time and that your menopause problems will quickly resolve in which case all you've done is help yourself through a bad patch, a bit like my son and his post op meds!
I truly hope you feel better soon.
K.
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With regards a to meeting up with friends. I seem to have all seriously post meno friends. All are a good 10 years older than me. All have a very rose tinted memory of theirs. ' oh I took HRT for a bit, then didn't need it, no I never suffered what you are' they say.
Only last year I was happy, not hormonal, helping my DD with her 3 boys, running a business. Now the noise of the supermarket makes me wNt to run out. I can't make decisions and frankly I don't want to, I don't care about anything. I long for bed as soon as I open my eyes.
I was every bodies problem solver, now look at me. What a joke
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Oh you poor thing. I know exactly how you feel. Two years ago I was a very happy go lucky, quite assertive woman with a reputation for being Mrs Fixer.
Out of the blue peri menopause arrived and wreaked my life. Overnight I became anxious about everything and anything. Couldn't even bear to make a simple phone call and dreaded going into work (previously loved my job).
I was sobbing quietly into a towel in the bathroom so no one would bear me. I was waking poor DH in the night because I felt so scarily low and desperate. I became someone else.
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I think that you are being very hard on yourself Sarai. As well as menopause symptoms you are having to cope with your blood disorder which, I'm sure, doesn't make you feel great. Are you still taking your antidepressants? Could it be that a different one would suit you if so? You do sound very low. We are all here for you.
I'm sure that the vagifem will help and at least if you are more comfy that will be one thing less. I believe from your past posts that you have also got Sjogren's Syndrome and this wont help with the dryness either so you have a double whammy effect. Please don't feel that using any type of HRT product is "giving in". You need to take what help is available.
Taz x :hug:
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Sarai, I cant stand the noise of the supermarket either. I got DH to put music on my phone, got myself some headphones and I can now shop in peace with soothing music in my own little world, worked a treat.
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Taz2 yes I am hard on myself for not being strong.
I know in reality I've had a lot this year with surgery and the crazy vitamin D reaction, followed by a return of tinnitus and hyperacusis oh and meno too.
I honestly hate myself for being the twit who got caught with all this. I just want to be normal again. I've lost this whole year one way or another.
You've all been very kind.
I hope my bits improve then maybe my sleep and then tinnitus improves with sleep so it's all linked to destroy me.
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I just want to add to your love and ((HUGS)) Sweetie, I hear ya! I hate Supermarkets anyway, so I think you choice of location to have a good cry is fantastic, so clearly you are still able to make excellent choices and are a strong and capable woman! :-*
Is it any wonder it is the number one place of choice for our children to melt down!? ::) Hang in there Hun, I hope today is one of the better ones for you.
Vicki.x.
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Hi Sarai
Bless it's a hard time you are having. My motto is look at quality of life over feeling that you have failed in taking HRT, if it helps you to be happier in the here and now that's important.
My counsellor taught me to relict of the close chapters in the past but now dwell on them and let them cheat you of opportunities for the future. As for the future it isn't here yet so why worry about what ' might be' so to speak.
I guess I am trying to say look, plan, action and enjoy, do what you can, delegate what is too much and live only for today honey as it is all you can influence.
Hope it helps and makes sense
MRS January
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Mrs January, its a good logic I know. I do look back all day as a year ago I was so happy and fine.
I've suffered so much this year, not least with a tinnitus and hyperacusis flare up which meant normal sound was intolerable. plus i cant go out and enjoy myself in places like restaurants, pubs etc.
I have no fun at all right now, I'm either totally shattered, not sleeping and brain fogged, got a massive headache or ringing ears, or a painful neck I haven't had a day with nothing since May.
This is why Im so very down, oh and of course I'm very down too. I wake up disappointed to wake up and count the hours to bed again.
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I'm with you Sarai. I went for my b12 jab yesterday and the nurse said 'God, you look tired' and I broke down too! When will this nightmare ever end!
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Sarai sending you a big hug. You're not alone in this menopausal stuff xxxx
Try not to beat yourself up - it's not something you chose is it? You didn't bring this on yourself so being hard on yourself is unkind. Sometimes life just throws crap at us for no bloody reason. You will get through it. Things will get better. But in the meantime be kind to yourself xxx
And giving in by taking HRT isn't giving in - honestly, as soon as I was put on HRT my brain started to function again and the brain fog lifted - I couldn't believe the difference it made. Having said that, I had a breakdown as part of my meno crap and so recovering from that is taking time - but I am a hell of a lot better since March (when it happened) - so you will be too. Just give it time and be kind to yourself in the meantime - treat yourself the way you would treat a best friend going through this - you wouldn't beat them up would you?
Hugs xxxx
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I feel exactly the same sarai....can't even watch TV sometimes as get so stressed...feel toxic...frigging awful....I have been lilke this for a year and could just scream, shout and cry....I hear you xxx
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I totally empathise. Many women know how you feel and feel your pain. I have found HRT a God send. After a year I have been through the whole cycle of feeling terrible and not knowing why, desperately going backwards and forwards to the doctors for weeks, being off work for 5 months, finding a brill HRT doctor (DR Annie Evans) getting treatment, recovering and now feel happy again. Its taken a year. But its worth it. You are worth it. Much love and sympathy. Keep on keeping on. You will get there.
SallyG