Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => Personal Experiences => Topic started by: Mrs January on August 16, 2015, 09:44:15 PM
-
Hello Ladies
Just a day of it today. As you have all been so very supportive I guess you know what next month brings to me. ( my angel son 23 passed Sept 2014).
I have had a day of tears, they come and go, I hide it from my other two teenagers. I want to visit Jack's resting place and have for two weeks, BUT I get so overcome with emotions I can't get there. Why did he take his life? all those blasted questions and images again haunt me.
Send a hug eh???
Mrs January xxxx
-
:hug:
I find it difficult to visit my daughters grave after 20odd years. You dont have to go until your ready. You carry him in your heart.
Take care.
Honeybun
X
-
Mrs J
Heres a hug :bighug:
Allow the tears to flow, nothing to be gained by bottling them up.
You have showed amazing courage through a traumatic couple of years but you dont always have to be strong, others are only too happy to offer support.
Unfortunately I dont have any answers to your questions but while I understand your reasons for not visiting Jacks resting place mYbe it will help you.
Take care and never be scared to show your tears.
Linsey x
-
Mrs January,
Big :hug: from me. The next few weeks will be hard. But they will pass and you will get to a point where you can remember your son and the good times without too many tears.
Bramble xx
-
Mrs J and HB,
I don't have any answers or even useful suggestions, but I just couldn't read your posts and then run.
Thoughts are with you both. You're both such lovely, supportive forum members - it makes me feel so sad to know how much you've suffered.
:hug: :tulips2: Xxxx
-
Hi Ladies
Thanks, as I am a single woman, your virtual hugs mean a lot to me.
Jack was an awesome guy and the good memories shine through so much of the time. His dad was on the phone earlier and I guess that set me off too. Buddy ( the puppy) has just left my knee after staying whilst I cried bless his paws. We are marking the anniversary with a BBQ with friends and to cherish the memories we all hold.
HB lots of love honey I know how we miss our children so very much
Love and hugs
Mrs January xxxx
-
Thinking of you :bighug:
-
:bighug:
-
Hi Mrs January, I just wanted to say what an inspiration you are.....let the tears go and be proud of them, don't be afraid of letting other people see them, it may help them too......have a lovely BBQ and bathe in the lovely memories...sending love to you all xxx
-
:bighug:
He is now at peace. He left family behind with answers un-solved. You carry him in your heart. xx
-
Hi Mrs J,
I'm with the rest of the ladies - let the tears flow and no need to hide them from your children - they show how much love you have. If they feel they need to shed some tears too, you have paved the way for them. Hug each other through them. A BBQ party is a lovely way to remember Jack.
:bighug:
Galadriel x
-
Can't begin to imagine how you must be feeling but just go with whatever emotions come along and never be afraid to show and share them with friends and family,you never know they too might be struggling to hide theirs from you !
:hug:
-
Dear Mrs J,
Crying is good, so don't try to bottle it up. And don't try to protect your children from your grief. By showing your tears, you give them permission to grieve with you instead of alone. Sending you a virtual hug. Ju Ju xx
-
:bighug:
-
Hello Mrs January.
My heart goes out to you and your family. Sending warm thoughts and cyber hugs.
K.
-
Hi just wanted to send you a :bighug:
I can't imagine the pain of losing a child and suicide must be the worst, my daughter tried last year, twice! She was 14 at the time and it came completely out of the blue, we were all floored :'(
She decided she couldn't cope anymore and took too many paracetamol, she confessed to me and naturally we rushed her to hospital where she spent 3 days on a drip to counteract any damage she may have caused to her liver etc, luckily she didn't. She has since tried again and also self harms :'( she has counselling and is on an antidepressant.
We still don't really know what caused/causes her to feel like this or what exactly was/is going through her mind? Now we take each day at a time, most of the time she's fine but we're always on guard and feel like we're walking on eggshells with her :-\
I don't know what caused your son to take his own life but please I hope you don't blame yourself in any way, I know it's hard as we blame ourselves for not noticing how she was struggling, and all the what iff's :-\
I suppose what I'm trying to say is sometimes we never get to find out the reasons 'why' we still haven't and maybe never will?
You sound amazing and I hope you continue to be strong but it's 'ok' to have a good old cry and let everything out :) x
-
Thank you for sharing Estelle
-
:hug: For you Mrs J and HB too - the pain of losing a child must be awful, can't even begin to imagine what it must feel like but no shame in showing your feelings, let the tears flow.
-
Much love to both Mums experiencing the loss of their child, I cannot imagine how you feel. Love and hugs also to Estelle going through it.
xx
-
Aww Ladies
You are all kindness it self. The virtual hugs have helped me no end. For those with children always keep communications open and flowing, having just left a job working with young people they do have some challenges in this world of ours.
I am brighter, saw lovely friends yesterday and when they offer me hugs ( I am a single woman) I asked them to hold me a bit longer which they did......bless um, my friends saw that I am awesome and they are proud of how I have coped. Me? just me that's all.
Love and millions of hugs to each and every one of you
Mrs January xxx
-
Can't begin to imagine your pain, big hug from me too :bighug:
-
Hi Mrs January,
I haven't been on here for a while,but decided to have a look today,and saw your post about your precious son's anniversary. As you know,my son James did the same thing 16 months ago. I can't always visit his grave as I find it too upsetting, so I only go when I feel strong enough, my daughter was only able to go very recently on his birthday, as before then she couldn't face it, I don't see any point in forcing yourself to do things like that, until you want to. I still can't look at photos of James as it just upsets me too much, so I don't try to.
I cry very openly, as I find it very hard to hold It in sometimes, I feel that it is vital to let the tears flow, even though it feels horrible, and not to try to put a front on, my friends and family all understand what I am like, and often cry with me. I still however find it so so hard to deal with, and have some very low times, as do my hubby and 3 other children, but I feel very strongly that James is still around and helping us all to carry on.
It sounds as though you are very strong and doing really well, my friends too all say how marvellously I am coping, and I always tell them that it's only through their wonderful support ,that I am able to carry on.
Our precious boys will want us to carry on and be strong, but I know that sometimes it is so very hard to do so. We have to be kind to ourselves, and focus on the good things in our lives .
I hope that God sends us both the strength to be sustained during this heartbreaking journey, and will hold our boys, safe in his care,
Wishing you well,and please don't be afraid of crying,
Love and Hugs,
Magsxx
-
If Nature hadn't wanted us to cry, She wouldn't have given us feelings ;)
It's the not knowing why people decide to kill themselves, plus the feeling that possibly those left behind could have done more …….. but depression is physical and if there is no respite, having to face another day can be tiring. Despairing. At my worst I had dreams so didn't have any relief at all. When I came out of deep depression I would ache; inside and out, even my shadow ached.
Be kind to yourselves. Life is fragile.