Menopause Matters Forum
General Discussion => This 'n' That => Topic started by: Greenfields on June 24, 2015, 05:18:58 PM
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Didn't know where to post this so I'm sticking it here ... my therapist encouraged me to apply for jobs in the UK so that if and when I'm able to make a visit to Canada, if I realise I can't manage moving back then I will have a job in the UK to come back to - if I get one before I make a trip to Canada.
It seemed to make sense particularly as I still don't know when I will be well enough to make a trip to Canada - I'm so scare of having another breakdown, it being worse and happening abroad.
So I applied for a job last week and put the application in Thursday. They rang yesterday and want to interview me tomorrow.
I should be happy ... but I'm not. I'm just so sad ... it seems to have crystallized the loss of the dream I had for my future and what, instead, I'm facing. I keep reminding myself that this is just one option but still, it hurts.
I also worry .. the job involves quite a bit of computer work and altho' the organisation is disability friendly, I have RSI and still get a lot of pain in my right hand/arm - I think I need to use a different mouse as I think that's what sets it off. I'm not going to disclose at interview but will if they offer me the job - and that's scary - I've never done this before but I don't think I can get away with doing the job without being upfront about my physical health.
Then there's my financial situation - this job pays 19.7K which is a good salary but the high rents where I live mean that after I've paid all the bills I'll have 300 pounds left to live on ... which is scary given I need to save a lot for retirement and I worry that the rent will go up and bills will go up.
I've applied for 2 other jobs at this organisation as well - one paying 17K and another paying 18K - so I need to make a good impression tomorrow even if I don't get the job as I want to be considered for the others because I really need to work ...
I wish I could shake off the way I feel - I need to go into the interview tomorrow feeling positive ... and all I feel is sad and worried - sad at what has happened to my life and wishing I had made so many different choices in the past .... :'(
I know it's baby steps but if anyone can send me some hugs or some good words, I could really do with them.
Oh and if anyone has any suggestion re: how I handle the have you got any holidays booked question at interview - let me know. I haven't dared book anything yet but if I tell them I have a holiday booked (as my therapist suggested) I don't know what I'll do if I'm not well enough to go away on the week I've said I'll go ...
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Greenfields, even if you get a job here in the UK, would you necessarily be digging yourself in, permanently? I would have thought if you're building on your experience, earning and applying from an "in-work" status when you look for work in Canada, that would all help your prospects.
The holiday question - maybe you could ask them how far in advance they like their employees to book holidays, then - if you're successful tomorrow - book a time when you're well enough and they're happy about it. Not too little notice, but also not too much.
I hope it goes well for you tomorrow. :foryou:
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Greenfields, even if you get a job here in the UK, would you necessarily be digging yourself in, permanently? I would have thought if you're building on your experience, earning and applying from an "in-work" status when you look for work in Canada, that would all help your prospects.
The holiday question - maybe you could ask them how far in advance they like their employees to book holidays, then - if you're successful tomorrow - book a time when you're well enough and they're happy about it. Not too little notice, but also not too much.
I hope it goes well for you tomorrow. :foryou:
Thanks. On the one hand I agree with you ... on the other it's complicated in that my Canadian separation agreement is up for review early next year. So if I stay in the UK, renew my tenancy in mid-September (which I would have to do - unless I move to being a lodger again which I can't face on the basis of what happened to me last year with the landlord not wanting the heating on until December) - then I have to stay at my flat for 6 months as its an assured short hold tenancy - which means that I wouldn't be able to move back before the separation review is up for discussion ... if I don't move back before then, then I will be struck off my ex's health plan which has big cost implications as jobs with good health plans are not so frequent in Canada these days ... I would have to pay for my HRT drugs probably while trying to work 2 or 3 p/t minimum wage jobs without benefits. Also I probably wouldn't get anymore spousal support either because the agreement is linked to Canadian living costs ... and the UK salary (even 17K UK pounds) would be considered 'good' by Canadian standards in $'s - but the rents are so high in the UK that having enough left to live on after you've paid the bills is difficult ...
If I move back to Canada next year, I would have to be sure of getting a good job lined up which would be impossible in Ontario without a Masters - which would mean working in another part of Canada - much much colder (6 months at minus 40/ minus 50) and not knowing a soul wherever I moved to ... which was the reason I moved to the UK in the first place as I didn't want to go somewhere cold where I didn't know anyone.
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Greenfields - take one step at a time. You have come so far in a very short space of time, you're doing brilliantly, believe me. Look on tomorrow's interview as another step on your road to recovery, to get an interview is a huge achievement, you should be very proud of yourself. I'm sure that once you get a feel for the place and the people you meet tomorrow you'll have a better idea of your next steps. Really well done!
S x
Thanks Sparkle - I keep telling myself the same thing ... it's just i don't feel it inside :'( and I'm so tired of worrying about money and keeping a roof over my head as well ... I was hoping to apply for council housing but the support worker who was supporting me told me that in her experience the council are being really hard nosed about even letting people onto the housing list now because the list is so long ... so if you have savings (as I do) then you get told private rental is the only option and they won't let you even on the list. It's so precarious and it really gets to me. And I can't earn enough to get a mortgage so all I can do is watch my savings (which were supposed to be for retirement) slide down and down ...
Apologies for being so gloomy ... I know I've come so far but it's just so so hard at the moment emotionally rebuilding my life and I realise so much what I've lost in terms of opportunities and that's so hard ....
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This just about sums the awful housing situation I'm in up:
http://www.theguardian.com/money/2015/jun/24/uk-tenants-pay-more-rent-than-europe
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I know it might sound hard but I truely don't mean it too ,be assured of that please but
I think whilst you still have one foot in each camp so to speak you will only succeed in tying yourself in knots ! You are muddling everything and you have come so far but it's still early days yet in your recovery from your breakdown. To get an interview at all is a big achievement in itself but you need to decide where you really want to be and take the appropriate steps to make that happen . Surely securing a job here for now will give you a stronger place to start from for now. :-\
One step at a time eh ;)
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Definitely one small step at a time.
Well done for even getting an interview at all....not easy these days.
I'm afraid I don't understand about your settlement re divorce, is there any way to challenge it at all.
Do you have any family in this country ?
I hope it all goes really well because a wage where you are must be better no matter what your long term plans are. You can take the job if offered but you don't have to tell your prospective plans are to your new employer.
Honeybun
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Definitely one small step at a time.
Well done for even getting an interview at all....not easy these days.
I'm afraid I don't understand about your settlement re divorce, is there any way to challenge it at all.
Do you have any family in this country ?
I hope it all goes really well because a wage where you are must be better no matter what your long term plans are. You can take the job if offered but you don't have to tell your prospective plans are to your new employer.
Honeybun
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No way to challenge the separation agreement - it was agreed with difficulty and I made a mistake in returning to the UK really which has messed things up considerably for me financially.
Re: family - yes I do have in this country but they are not kind and I left home early in my life. When I rang and asked for help this year when I was very sick and thought I was going to be homeless I was told that they would take my stuff but not me. Says it all really - so am very much on my own.
Am trying to stay positive and understand what you're saying re: its a step towards something better ... but just feel so overwhelmed and on my own at the moment and am having trouble shoring myself up emotionally. The precariousness of my housing situation particularly eats away at me ...even though I try not to dwell on it. I think its the fact that the salary should be more than adequate but around 75% of my income is going to go on housing costs and I find that so scary. And I can't see a way out of it either being 51 and not earning enough to get a mortgage even though I do have some savings - but 1 bedroom flats around here are 150K now. I'm so tired of precarious housing and I feel worn out by it.
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Hi Greenfields (love the name). You certainly have a lot on your plate at the moment but, as the others have said you need to get through this a bit at a time. You can't sort out your problems in one go. Go to the interview tomorrow, do your best to get the job, then move on to the next stage.
Good luck. :bighug:
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I know it might sound hard but I truely don't mean it too ,be assured of that please but
I think whilst you still have one foot in each camp so to speak you will only succeed in tying yourself in knots ! You are muddling everything and you have come so far but it's still early days yet in your recovery from your breakdown. To get an interview at all is a big achievement in itself but you need to decide where you really want to be and take the appropriate steps to make that happen . Surely securing a job here for now will give you a stronger place to start from for now. :-\
One step at a time eh ;)
Re: deciding where I want to be ... yes I was very fixated on returning to Canada and in some ways applying for work at the advice of my therapist has brought all my stomach churning thoughts to the surface - it would be hard returning to Canada and get work in Ontario and having the energy to do that and stay well scares the hell out of me .... but equally staying in the UK with the housing situation the way it is also scares the hell out of me - its just so awful.
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Hi Greenfields (love the name). You certainly have a lot on your plate at the moment but, as the others have said you need to get through this a bit at a time. You can't sort out your problems in one go. Go to the interview tomorrow, do your best to get the job, then move on to the next stage.
Good luck. :bighug:
thanks - I think what I need is someone to give me a hug and tell me its all going to work out okay and 5 years down the line I won't be homeless and out on the street ...
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Just thought, could you not house share. My son does that, a 5 bed roomed house with 5 people.
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Just thought, could you not house share. My son does that, a 5 bed roomed house with 5 people.
Would do that if I was certain it could work out - altho' don't think there are many house shares in the area I live in.
I house shared in my twenties and thirties ... lots of awful situations and problems constantly cropping up so was so relieved when I finally married and lived with my then partner.
Last landlord announced heating wasn't going on till Dec and removed the thermostat - I was paying 460 for a tiny room - I moved out and he put the rent up and had someone lined up to take the room - there's such a shortage of accommodation where I live. The room rate in the area I live in is 500 a month and up.
Thinking more about how I'm feeling - I think that I could really have done with a few more weeks not looking for work and just focusing on getting more and more better and seeing the therapist ... but I thought her advice re: applying for jobs was good - its just that I didn't expect to apply for one last week and hear this week that I would be interviewing with 2 days notice to prepare.
And then I tend to look at the whole picture in terms of where is this taking me? It didn't help that the "support worker" I saw this week lambasted me for my "unrealistic expectations" when I showed her my budget ... she didn't like the fact that I had put gym membership down in it (she said she couldn't afford it) or my eye plan (she said she had to make her glasses last 4 years) .... by the time she'd finished with me it was clear that if I could cover food and rent then that should be enough - just scraping by. She took away my hope and it took me all my strength to get up the next day and do things like exercise that i knew would make me feel better ...
So it scares me silly that I'm going for an interview for a job where 75% of my take home pay will be consumed by rent and utility bills and running a car and buying food - very basic stuff with very little wiggle room in the budget for anything else - the alternative to renting a flat is living in a bedroom again (and having to get rid of the few items of furniture that people have given me and which make me feel like I have a 'home') and at 51 (52 this year) I wonder how much longer I can carry on like this - but at the moment I don't have the energy to move back to Canada and start all over again there even though the rental situation is so much better - but the employment situation is worse - its like being between a rock and a hard place.
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Hi Greenfields
I don't know your story sorry but I wanted to give you a cyber hug. I have had a rubbish year and got into a very black hole thinking of all the what ifs etc, With help ( this forum has been amazing ) I realised I HAD to take it one day at a time and I got through. I'm still having problems but I feel stronger.
I'm assuming you live in expensive part of UK, could you move somewhere cheaper where maybe council housing isn't so impossible or maybe houses are more affordable. That may be totally unrealistic and I'm sorry if im being simplistic. I don't know enough to comment further but I do know from my own experiences is you have to tkse one step at a time as the next step could lead you in a different direction.
Relaly hope you find some peace of mind soon xx
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Hi Greenfields
I don't know your story sorry but I wanted to give you a cyber hug. I have had a rubbish year and got into a very black hole thinking of all the what ifs etc, With help ( this forum has been amazing ) I realised I HAD to take it one day at a time and I got through. I'm still having problems but I feel stronger.
I'm assuming you live in expensive part of UK, could you move somewhere cheaper where maybe council housing isn't so impossible or maybe houses are more affordable. That may be totally unrealistic and I'm sorry if im being simplistic. I don't know enough to comment further but I do know from my own experiences is you have to tkse one step at a time as the next step could lead you in a different direction.
Relaly hope you find some peace of mind soon xx
Thanks for your kind thoughts. I can't move at the moment - I'm just not up to it (had a breakdown in March when I was in the middle of moving back to Canada). I don't know whether council housing is available to anyone now with savings over the housing benefit level of 16K - I have too much for benefit eligibility and not enough for a mortgage deposit - plus any salary I get now won't cover a mortgage as I'm priced out of the housing market.
I live in the South because of the jobs available but the housing situation is awful.
I completely agree with you re: taking one step at a time ... I think that I'm still very shaky and so the step I'm taking now (to apply for jobs and getting an interview) is almost too much for me too soon but its the situation I'm in.
I don't know whether I'll ever have peace of mind with respect to housing - I am so terrified of being homeless as I have noone to fall back on altho' some people in my community have said they would take me in and pass me around - but living like that (room to room) would make my mental health worse I think.
I had such security with my housing in Canada and the stress there was trying to find work and being so far away from the UK.
Thanks for your kind comments though - honestly this has been the worst year of my entire life and its taken all my strength just to keep going and I really hope things do get better for me because I don't know how much longer I can keep going without getting ill again and that scares me.
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Hello again,
One thing that does spring to mind - could you use your savings to supplement your income ? I know this is not ideal as presumably you need your savings intact to facilitate the move back. But at the moment it's important you get mentally stronger and your main source of worry is losing your home. How do you pay your rent now? If you managed to get a job then maybe that would help your confidence - even though the wages aren't enough - with the help of your savings maybe you could get through? When you are in a better place mentally you may feel stronger about making big decisions on your future. I presume all your family is in Canada?
Yes the capital limit for housing benefit is £16,000 for non pensioners. Are you entitled to any disability benefits because of your ill health ( some of which you can continue to receive whilst in work eg DLA or PIP as it's now called.
At least you have some savings and you know that is there as your buffer - surely it's better to dip in than staying in various houses with various friends - you don't need that.
When is your interview?
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Hello again,
One thing that does spring to mind - could you use your savings to supplement your income ? I know this is not ideal as presumably you need your savings intact to facilitate the move back. But at the moment it's important you get mentally stronger and your main source of worry is losing your home. How do you pay your rent now? If you managed to get a job then maybe that would help your confidence - even though the wages aren't enough - with the help of your savings maybe you could get through? When you are in a better place mentally you may feel stronger about making big decisions on your future. I presume all your family is in Canada?
Yes the capital limit for housing benefit is £16,000 for non pensioners. Are you entitled to any disability benefits because of your ill health ( some of which you can continue to receive whilst in work eg DLA or PIP as it's now called.
At least you have some savings and you know that is there as your buffer - surely it's better to dip in than staying in various houses with various friends - you don't need that.
When is your interview?
Interview is in about 30 minutes.
Don't qualify for PIP - you need to have spent 2 of the last 3 years in the UK - and I only got back to UK last year.
Not entitled to any other benefits - CAB person said I'm a unique case.
Yes I probably will have to use savings to supplement costs.
Had to pay 6 months rent up front in March this year - otherwise I could not have stayed in my present place.
Am just struggling emotionally a lot at the moment - but after the exam and interview this afternoon, I am going to rest and go to bed very early.
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Let us know how it went.
Honeybun
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I get you re: housing
OH and I always had a mortgage from our teens with past relationships and although I have a good credit history, OH doesn't because of his divorce so now our only option is private renting, we have no dependants so are put to the back of the queue for social housing and I don't earn enough to qualify for a mortgage plus us being late 40s the deposit is 21k
We pay 740.00 pcm for an old peoples 2 bed bungalow which is tiny
I worry about the day when neither of us can work how we'll manage to pay these rents, the annoying thing is we never default yet a mortgage would be cheaper repayments
Good luck with your interview, I'm a believer that whatever will be, will be, and that your opportunity to move/settle will become apparent to you in due course, keeping your options open will help
Annie xx
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Thank you for these kind comments - I really need them.
I got through the interview okayish I think - I did well enough not to come across as a complete 'no' I think.
But there was an exam text before hand and I completely messed that one up - it was on a computer and the Word package was different from the format I'm used to - it was the design where it looks like the world wide web at the top and you pick an icon - eg tables and draw them. Whereas I'm familiar with the Word package where it's a pull down menu and less intuitive.
The test itself involved reading the minutes of this meeting and correcting them and then doing a table stating who was to follow up on what (in terms of actions). I also had to write an email to someone senior who had not submitted a report by a deadline.
I managed the email but didn't finish the minutes of the meeting exercise and the table I drew with the text inside wasn't very good either .... - so I'm pretty sure I haven't done well enough to be considered as a large part of the job involves that kind of work.
I was given 30 minutes for the test and I know I was slow - and nervous.
At the interview I asked about the "team" of people doing this role and it turns out that this post is f/t and the only other person who works on it is p/t - so thats the team. So I can see it would be a lot of work and very busy - which isn't, I think, something I'm up to at the moment.
However the salary wasn't what I thought it would be for the work involved (19.7K).
I've applied for 2 other positions there which pay less - one 18,772 f/t and the other 17,622 f/t.
My last job paid me 18,120 and I was barely scraping by because the rent and bills consumed well over 75% of my income - but I also did have to pay 80 pounds petrol in commuting costs a month too - and so the commuting costs for these posts I've applied for would be less.
I've decided if I don't get offered 1 of the 3 positions I've applied for, I'm going to leave it till I've seen my Dr on 13th July and then, depending on how I am then, I will, if I can, book a trip to Canada. If I can manage that and come back okay and am able to move back, then I will.
If I can't manage a trip to Canada in July, then I will apply for carer work locally - there is a lot of that here - it involves driving around to people's homes - but it doesn't pay very well and the hours are long (I think). I might look into doing it p/t before July 13th (I guess) ... I'll see how I am the next few days. I still feel very shaky at the moment.
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I get you re: housing
OH and I always had a mortgage from our teens with past relationships and although I have a good credit history, OH doesn't because of his divorce so now our only option is private renting, we have no dependants so are put to the back of the queue for social housing and I don't earn enough to qualify for a mortgage plus us being late 40s the deposit is 21k
We pay 740.00 pcm for an old peoples 2 bed bungalow which is tiny
I worry about the day when neither of us can work how we'll manage to pay these rents, the annoying thing is we never default yet a mortgage would be cheaper repayments
Good luck with your interview, I'm a believer that whatever will be, will be, and that your opportunity to move/settle will become apparent to you in due course, keeping your options open will help
Annie xx
I could manage a deposit of 21K - the problem I have is that the cheapest 1 bedroom flat around where I live is 150K ... so there's no way I could get a mortgage at 51 to pay off the remaining balance before retirement - particularly on jobs with salaries of around 18K.
I worry constantly about homelessness :'(
Someone today told me they wouldn't let me be homeless and they said I could stay with them but it's a constant damn worry and I cannot see the situation getting any better in the UK - it's so stressful when you're ill and on your own. I know I'm a lot better than I was but I'm still not 100% well and so it's really hard.
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I get you re: housing
OH and I always had a mortgage from our teens with past relationships and although I have a good credit history, OH doesn't because of his divorce so now our only option is private renting, we have no dependants so are put to the back of the queue for social housing and I don't earn enough to qualify for a mortgage plus us being late 40s the deposit is 21k
We pay 740.00 pcm for an old peoples 2 bed bungalow which is tiny
I worry about the day when neither of us can work how we'll manage to pay these rents, the annoying thing is we never default yet a mortgage would be cheaper repayments
Good luck with your interview, I'm a believer that whatever will be, will be, and that your opportunity to move/settle will become apparent to you in due course, keeping your options open will help
Annie xx
I could manage a deposit of 21K - the problem I have is that the cheapest 1 bedroom flat around where I live is 150K ... so there's no way I could get a mortgage at 51 to pay off the remaining balance before retirement - particularly on jobs with salaries of around 18K.
I worry constantly about homelessness :'(
Someone today told me they wouldn't let me be homeless and they said I could stay with them but it's a constant damn worry and I cannot see the situation getting any better in the UK - it's so stressful when you're ill and on your own. I know I'm a lot better than I was but I'm still not 100% well and so it's really hard.
It's a desperate situation for people that don't fall into 'needy' categories , and I mean that in a nice way
Annie xx
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Do you have any family/friends in Canada? Are you originally from there?
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Do you have any family/friends in Canada? Are you originally from there?
I have an ex-partner in Canada but that's all. I do have some friends from university and yoga teaching there - but I don't think they are the kind of friends who I can put on if that makes sense. I have one friend in her 70's who is lovely and would put me up but she has a very badly behaved dog so it's actually quite stressful staying there - even though she's lovely. But I would need to be really well to stand the stress of another international move - and then there's the problem of getting work ...
I have family in this country - but they are completely unsupportive ...
The thing is you need a lot of energy to start over and to be in another country - and I don't think I've got that completely at the moment. But staying in the UK is extremely difficult with the horrible housing situation.
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I get you re: housing
OH and I always had a mortgage from our teens with past relationships and although I have a good credit history, OH doesn't because of his divorce so now our only option is private renting, we have no dependants so are put to the back of the queue for social housing and I don't earn enough to qualify for a mortgage plus us being late 40s the deposit is 21k
We pay 740.00 pcm for an old peoples 2 bed bungalow which is tiny
I worry about the day when neither of us can work how we'll manage to pay these rents, the annoying thing is we never default yet a mortgage would be cheaper repayments
Good luck with your interview, I'm a believer that whatever will be, will be, and that your opportunity to move/settle will become apparent to you in due course, keeping your options open will help
Annie xx
I could manage a deposit of 21K - the problem I have is that the cheapest 1 bedroom flat around where I live is 150K ... so there's no way I could get a mortgage at 51 to pay off the remaining balance before retirement - particularly on jobs with salaries of around 18K.
I worry constantly about homelessness :'(
Someone today told me they wouldn't let me be homeless and they said I could stay with them but it's a constant damn worry and I cannot see the situation getting any better in the UK - it's so stressful when you're ill and on your own. I know I'm a lot better than I was but I'm still not 100% well and so it's really hard.
It's a desperate situation for people that don't fall into 'needy' categories , and I mean that in a nice way
Annie xx
Yes it is desperate Annie and I wonder where it's all going to end up for me - I feel so overwhelmed by it at the moment.
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A carers job could be very stressful. I know I couldn't do what some of my mothers carers are required to do. I don't want to pour cold water on that idea but do you know what it involves. Of course a lot of people are fine with that kind of job.
Sorry the interview was not quite you had hoped but if it's not the job for you then something else will come along soon I'm sure.
Honeybun
X
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A carers job could be very stressful. I know I couldn't do what some of my mothers carers are required to do. I don't want to pour cold water on that idea but do you know what it involves. Of course a lot of people are fine with that kind of job.
Sorry the interview was not quite you had hoped but if it's not the job for you then something else will come along soon I'm sure.
Honeybun
X
Yes I do know what it involves - many years ago I did some student nursing (didn't complete my training) so have experience doing personal care.
To be honest Honeybun I can't afford to be picky with jobs and, given the low salaries, I need to find something local as my last job was a commute and I was paying out 80 pounds in petrol a month on a salary of 18,120 - which was just not doable with my rental expenses. If I do a carers job I will have to drive a lot but I will get some money for the petrol which should help.
Am really hoping I get invited back for an interview for 1 of the other 2 posts I applied for at the place I went to today ... but will see next week.
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So sorry to hear your situation. I am currently in one room with stuff in storage and longing for my own front door, so I know a little of what you must be feeling, though my situation is nowhere near as tough as yours. It's not about the house, but the 'home'!
Not sure if this is any help but have you considered maybe a houseboat or static caravan? Or a live-in position?
It sounds as if you have made some good friends if they are promising you a home if the worst happens - are you able to talk to them about your situation and discuss options with them? Sometimes it can help to talk things through with another person.
Hope you find a solution soon. x
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So sorry to hear your situation. I am currently in one room with stuff in storage and longing for my own front door, so I know a little of what you must be feeling, though my situation is nowhere near as tough as yours. It's not about the house, but the 'home'!
Not sure if this is any help but have you considered maybe a houseboat or static caravan? Or a live-in position?
It sounds as if you have made some good friends if they are promising you a home if the worst happens - are you able to talk to them about your situation and discuss options with them? Sometimes it can help to talk things through with another person.
Hope you find a solution soon. x
Thanks Dorothy. I was in 1 room before I rented my current flat - and it was very difficult (I had all my stuff with me). I can't afford a houseboat or a static caravan. A live-in position would be a possibility but at the moment I don't think I'm well enough.
The friend who promised me a room is a friend I met through the MIND support group I go to - she's very kind but not someone I've known that long so even though it's a really kind offer in extremis, it's not something I feel I can count on, particularly long term.
I think, if I'm not well enough to move back to Canada, I will try and renew the tenancy on my flat and hopefully get some kind of work locally which would then mean my savings won't go down as quickly. In the long term, I think I will have to look at renting a room again if I stay in the UK as otherwise my savings are just going to decrease and decrease as the rents increase and increase. This will mean getting rid of some belongings like furniture which people have given me but I can't see any other option - unless I get a very well paid job (not ruling that out but it's not on the horizon at the moment).
If I could find some nice people to rent from, I wouldn't mind renting a room ... it's just that I don't seem to have very good experiences in this area - too many people just want the money and not the tenant. As you say, it's not about the house, it's about the sense of 'home."
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Are there any 'leaders' in your support group - people you could ask for advice or even just a listening ear? There are a number of charity/church-based groups that help people who don't fit into the usual 'categories' - it might be worth seeing if there is anything in your area. Maybe Citizens Advice Bureau?
Must be so hard for you having to make these decisions while you are still not fully recovered.
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Are there any 'leaders' in your support group - people you could ask for advice or even just a listening ear? There are a number of charity/church-based groups that help people who don't fit into the usual 'categories' - it might be worth seeing if there is anything in your area. Maybe Citizens Advice Bureau?
Must be so hard for you having to make these decisions while you are still not fully recovered.
Yes, I have done and I've also been to the Citizens Advice Bureau as well.
Everyone says I'm a unique case as I just got back to the UK last April (2014) so that screws up a lot of my eligibility for benefits even though I'm a British citizen. And I didn't work enough weeks last year to increase my eligibility for benefits this year. And I have too much savings as well.
People in the community have been very kind but it is really tough dealing with this when I'm not 100% - its hard to just focus on getting well when one worries about the future and housing etc.
I try to do my best to stay in the present and my Dr was really pleased with my progress the last time she saw me - I really committed to doing exercise and it has helped. I see her again in mid-July but I am realising more and more that I recovering from what has happened to me is going to take much longer than I envisaged.
The Dr did tell me that people can take months to recover from what I've had and I know one person who took a year to recover. I've read of other people (on the web) who took months and months to recover as well .... but they had family to fall back on for help or were financially more secure in terms of having property.
I have kind people in the community I live in but it's not the same in terms of stability - what i really need is to be able to stay somewhere and know its going to be stable for the next 6 months - if I can't move back to Canada.
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There are several organisations across the UK: i.e. Salvation Army, The Quakers, Shelter …….. you may find support from such Charities etc.? I saw a house boat for sale for £65,000 ………. with a year's marine rent on top. Some mobile 'homes' begin at £15,000 plus site fees or as mentioned, perhaps a camper van? We paid £11.00 for 2 nights this week but one has to move sites after 28 days and fees do vary.
When 1 is tired and feeling under par, it is so difficult to think clearly and to ask the 'right' questions :-\
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The Quakers have been very kind to me as a group. Can't afford a houseboat and while a mobile home might be a possibility if it was cheap, I need to get a job first.
It is difficult dealing with things when one is not feeling 100% - that said, I had a better day today (see my other post in this forum) - even though I heard I didn't get the job I went for.
http://www.menopausematters.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,28414.0.html
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It is tiring trying to think ahead when feeling ill. Some days I can't think further than mid-morning ::)
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It is tiring trying to think ahead when feeling ill. Some days I can't think further than mid-morning ::)
Oh I can relate to that!
I think initially it was just a relief to start to feel physically a bit better ... then slowly emotionally a bit better ... but then it becomes overwhelming when you realise you're no longer as ill as you were because you start to realise how much crap you have to sort out with respect to life messes ... so then it gets overwhelming again ... and you take several steps back before you realise that you've just got to keep going ... that's kind of where I am at the moment.
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Are you a 'make a list' kind of person? I have lists all over, if it's out of my head at least it's not going round and round and …….. however, where have I left that list ::)
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Yes I am .. but recently my lists have been very basic - get out of bed, eat etc ....!
If I feel the way I do at the moment, then this week I am going to do a lot more - starting with the pile of paperwork that has ballooned in the period I've been ill - I need to sort through things particularly if I end up packing up and moving to Canada in a few months ...
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It's OK to make lists - it gave me the opportunity to see at the end of each day what I *HAD* achieved :). Anything not done went onto the list for the following day, at 1 point it was everything except getting out of bed, feeding pets and getting washed.