Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => All things menopause => Topic started by: Greenfields on June 15, 2015, 10:07:12 AM
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When my menopausal imbalance occurred, I also had a nervous breakdown (at the end of March) - which I know has happened to a few folks. I then spent a month on the wrong HRT for me and during that period I experienced crushing fatigue alternating with feeling very 'wired.'
I've been on my new much better HRT regime for 7 weeks from tomorrow. So altogether it's been about 10 - 11 weeks since my breakdown.
While I'm a lot better than I was, I still experience days where I just am really fatigued.
When I mentioned this to my Dr last week she said it's common for people to be tired and that it can take people months to recover from a breakdown - that it's a whole body thing. At the time, I was asking her when I would be well enough to make a trip to Canada - I was hoping to do that in July.
Since then, I've done two 30 minute drives to see a therapist and a nutritionist. On each occasion, I came back and I was knackered! I had to go to bed and rest. In fact, I often have to do that for part of the day - even though I generally interact with people well when I'm with them. I'm also often very tired in the mornings.
After those 2 trips, I thought, who am I kidding thinking that I can get on a plane, do an 8 hour flight and spend a week in another country?! - when I was well I used to find international travel stressful so goodness knows how my body would find it now.
So now I'm wondering whether anyone on the board who's had a breakdown can give me an idea of when the fatigue/tiredness lifts?
I know every case is individual but if anyone has any information on this, I'd really appreciate it.
I'm now thinking that I was being over optimistic in how quickly I could get back to 'normal' and that I may have to stay in the UK long term and just figure out a way of trying to make things work financially - maybe by renting a room again when I'm well enough to move from my flat - so that I could at least cover my basic living expenses with a job without dipping further into my savings.
My Dr said I had made very good progress in the 6 weeks since she put me on the new HRT - and I am doing everything I can to get better - daily vigorous exercise, good diet, keeping busy alternating with resting, seeing a therapist, seeing a nutritionist ... but I don't think its going to be enough to get me well quickly and I'm also realising that I'm not sure that I have the energy to do an international move.
Having said all that, I also don't know how much the hormones I am taking are impacting my current mood - a while back I was quite optimistic and hopeful ... its so hard to figure things out.
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It is a real puzzle.
I know that after each bout of depression - so bad I was unable to get out of bed - I ached all over, inside and out. Even my shadow ached. Once the medication began to ease symptoms I slept better and generally picked up the pieces. However, my medication does leave me tired anyway - if I get that fatigue I sleep. Either on the settee or go to bed or in the shade on fine days in our garden. When tired I can sleep anywhere ……
Try not to look too far ahead? Half a day at a time ;)
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CLKD when you say you generally picked up the pieces, were you able to work? I'm just wondering at the moment how many months it will be before I can handle working p/t nevermind f/t?! As you say, it is very much not looking too far ahead (I am realising that more and more now) ... but equally I do need to be able to restart work again at some point - sooner rather than later given my finances.
The odd thing is that exercise does help - it gives me more energy after I've done it but the boost sometimes doesn't last that long and other times lasts a while (a few hours, a day) ... today I was sooooo tired this morning. Got up at 9am (having woken at 8am) and really didn't feel like I had any energy. Managed to have breakfast and then just sat and sat. Finally dragged myself off to aquafit at 11.30 and really struggled with doing it - was doing the exercises but felt tired ... then afterwards, I felt better - came home and had lunch, felt my mind was clearer and I had more energy. Now it's 2.41pm and I'm tired again! Yet some days I know the exercise carries me through to the evening.
Just can't fathom the pattern ... I don't want to push my body too much, equally, I know that exercise is good for it and for my mind at the moment .. but I really want to get better too.
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I worked full time initially: from 1971 until 1984, went part-time for 5 years in the 1990s, then developed my own 'business' as well as dog walking for people. That suited me better as I didn't have to drive nor justify myself to anyone. It gave me breathing space in the garden too.
Exercise can stimulate the body/brain - I think the trick is not to exercise in the heat, early evening is best for me. Keep hydrated. It's OK to sit. Listen to your body, who else do you have to please right now? You are recovering and your hormones are in turmoil. If you manage aquavit with enjoyment then go ……. wouldn't be my choice ;) ::)
Does the whole of you feel tired? With me, it's my head ::) - if I could leave it on the pillow each morning we'd all feel better ………
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Greenfields.
Do you not think that thinking the way you do is part of the problem. You are continually putting yourself under pressure to "be better". You have a shedule that you have on your mind all the time.
Obviously I don't know how your mind works but I would take a guess at you analyse at the end of each day whether and when you will be able to go back to Canada. You are pressurising yourself all the time and I'm sure that will make matters worse in your attempt to move things along quickly. I do understand that you have housing worries too which must be awful.
For what it's worth, if you and I were having a coffee together and you asked my advice.....it would be....take your time, stop rushing your recovery and try and put things in order in this country before you even contemplate anything else. You might not be ready for another year, who knows, it could be sooner, it could be later.
Secure your future here for the time being before you consider moving.
I think when you have done that and the pressure is off by not having a timetable your healing will improve in leaps and bounds.
Hope you don't mind me being so honest, but it's what I really think.
Honeybun
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CLKD the whole of me is tired ... altho' sometimes when I wake up it's my mind that's overwhelmed - I find it likes to go over all the mistakes I've made in my life at the moment - so I always work on trying to shift the focus. That's why, if I can get up rather than lie in bed, I try to - as lying in bed makes things worse I think.
What kind of business did you develop? I'd like to do that but haven't figured out how to at the moment. I did think about writing some articles on my experience and submitting them to magazines but haven't had the energy or the focus.
I've worked out that I need to earn 17 - 18K to rent a room and cover my bills - or around 23K if I want to stay in my current flat. I'm hoping to pick up some kind of caring job in the Fall (for around 17K f/t) and ease myself back into f/t work gradually and then, perhaps, do some yoga teaching on top (assuming I don't move back to Canada) - but that does depend on having work hours that are reasonably regular and I'm not sure whether that's feasible with the work I'm looking at at the moment. However, trying not to look too far ahead as its not helpful with the way I am ...
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I'm a medical secretary so I worked from home supporting small businesses as well as typing Medical Reports ready to present to Court. Fitted in with my dog walking …….. I didn't charge for the latter but owners paid me 'guilt' money ::) which was a bonus.
My mind takes me back to 'guilt' most nights, as I'm dropping off to sleep I go 'oh' as a horrid memory appears :'(. Keeping a journal years ago allowed me to vent, vent, vent …
If you haven't the energy you are still recovering …… could you go to your local Leisure Centre/Gym and see if there are part-time positions on their notice boards, or ask at the Desk? Or maybe, visit a Care/residential home to see if they would like you to visit their residents? People in 'care' often don't get the exercise they require to keep an active mind/body! Do you have a 'better' time of day? perhaps do some yoga teaching then?
Having a Plan is OK but maybe write one out and put to 1 side? that way any worries are out of your head and away, over-thinking can be tiring ;) …….
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Greenfields.
Do you not think that thinking the way you do is part of the problem. You are continually putting yourself under pressure to "be better". You have a shedule that you have on your mind all the time.
Obviously I don't know how your mind works but I would take a guess at you analyse at the end of each day whether and when you will be able to go back to Canada. You are pressurising yourself all the time and I'm sure that will make matters worse in your attempt to move things along quickly. I do understand that you have housing worries too which must be awful.
For what it's worth, if you and I were having a coffee together and you asked my advice.....it would be....take your time, stop rushing your recovery and try and put things in order in this country before you even contemplate anything else. You might not be ready for another year, who knows, it could be sooner, it could be later.
Secure your future here for the time being before you consider moving.
I think when you have done that and the pressure is off by not having a timetable your healing will improve in leaps and bounds.
Hope you don't mind me being so honest, but it's what I really think.
Honeybun
X
No I completely agree with you ... it's taken me a while to get to the point of accepting that I can't just pick up my life and get on with things again ... I think the difficulty has been the precarious housing situation I'm in and my financial position - not having anyone to fall back on is very very hard and so it's been difficult to just relax and focus entirely on just getting better - which I agree, most people would do - but then that assumes one has supportive relatives in one's life ... which I don't. I'm on my own altho' there are some very kind people in the community that I live in which has helped ... but its hard to relax when you don't know what your landlord is going to do when your tenancy agreement is up for renewal and your sick and you don't have a job - I keep telling myself that I'm a good tenant and I have savings so there should be no reason why they kick up a fuss but they were not nice when I rescinded my notice in March and if it hadn't been for the help of the letting agent, I don't think I would have been able to stay in my current place. I'm also praying that they don't put the rent up again (there is such a shortage of rental properties in this area).
My getting better has been very much focused on getting better in order to secure my housing and financial position - I wish it were otherwise. :(
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It would worry any of us, what ever stage of Life or health we were at! I remember it well when we were first married ::)
Have you thought of a mobile home 'estate'? are there any close by? Would it be cheaper to buy one rather than be dependent on renting with the risk of rent/rates rising outside of your control? My Uncle down-sized to a mobile estate and was quite happy - small space, small garden, good neighbours ;)
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I'm a medical secretary so I worked from home supporting small businesses as well as typing Medical Reports ready to present to Court. Fitted in with my dog walking …….. I didn't charge for the latter but owners paid me 'guilt' money ::) which was a bonus.
My mind takes me back to 'guilt' most nights, as I'm dropping off to sleep I go 'oh' as a horrid memory appears :'(. Keeping a journal years ago allowed me to vent, vent, vent …
If you haven't the energy you are still recovering …… could you go to your local Leisure Centre/Gym and see if there are part-time positions on their notice boards, or ask at the Desk? Or maybe, visit a Care/residential home to see if they would like you to visit their residents? People in 'care' often don't get the exercise they require to keep an active mind/body! Do you have a 'better' time of day? perhaps do some yoga teaching then?
Having a Plan is OK but maybe write one out and put to 1 side? that way any worries are out of your head and away, over-thinking can be tiring ;) …….
Someone at the Sports Centre recently suggested that I could put my CV in to see if I could do cover work for yoga teachers - I just haven't got around to doing that yet - partly because it requires me to have enough focus and attention to do it. As well, I've been - until very recently - very fixated on getting better and moving back to Canada.
I like the idea of doing yoga in a care home - there are a few around here - maybe I could do an hour a week somewhere of very gentle breathing and hand and arm movement exercises ... I will think on that one - I need to do something as well as all the exercise I am doing and going to mental health group support meetings ... just to get sense that I could, one day, go out to work again because I really need to if I don't want to end up homeless.
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It would worry any of us, what ever stage of Life or health we were at! I remember it well when we were first married ::)
Have you thought of a mobile home 'estate'? are there any close by? Would it be cheaper to buy one rather than be dependent on renting with the risk of rent/rates rising outside of your control? My Uncle down-sized to a mobile estate and was quite happy - small space, small garden, good neighbours ;)
No mobile home estates nearby and I don't have the money to buy one either ... :(
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There are a few good home based jobs. I worked for years from home doing market research. It paid well and I could take on as much or as little as I wanted to.
There are a good few reputable companies in the home workers market.
Honeybun
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Honeybun - can you send me the details of some of the good companies? It might be one option I could pursue while I'm trying to get better.
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Looking back when I had post natal depression I think I probably had a nervous breakdown? I think most cases of severe pnd can be categorised as a breakdown of sorts. I completely lost the ability to function. I couldn't even co ordinate getting myself dressed and out of the house. I was terrified to be left alone with my baby. I unable to do anything without having the support of my Mum or husband.
ADs helped with the worst of it and after a while I was able to function better. But for months and months I would spend 3 afternoons per week just resting on the sofa (baby was in nursery). Not sleeping just resting. I HAD to do this. I would just lie there in a semi doze just doing nothing and not really thinking about anything. My mind would just drift and drift. I think it was my body and mind's way of healing itself after the breakdown?
I can't remember exactly how long I did this for? But I know it was probably 6-9 months? Then gradually the need to rest like this just grew less and less until eventually I was probably fully healed both mentally and physically.
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Done Greenfields.
Honeybun
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Not sure that it's a breakdown in the conventional sense. It was triggered by childbirth so was hormonal.
But bear in mind, you recovered from that hormonal experience so you will move on from this.
Honeybun
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Done Greenfields.
Honeybun
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Thankyou! :) :)
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The medical fraternity don't consider it to be a 'breakdown' unless the sufferer is hospitalised ::) but I know what I had :-\ !
You will need to have a CRB check though if you are working with adults/children and vulnerable people, so do ring round a few residential homes and ask what their criteria is.
Be kind to yourself!
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sounds like you have an awful lot to worry about, which would trigger fatigue. I also lived for a few years wondering if I was staying or moving back to another country (in the end I didn't) and having a foot in 2 camps can be very unsettling = more fatigue.
I really do feel for you. I hope you find something to do that you enjoy doing, even if it's only for a few hours a day or week.
Very best of luck.
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Thanks for these thoughts. I saw a therapist today who encouraged me to apply for work locally and to tell potential employers that I had a trip to Canada booked later this summer - so then I have the option of making a visit if I'm up to it, but if I'm not, then I have work locally. Plus, if I do go, and then decide I can't face moving back, then I have local work to come back to. I just hope there will be an employer interested in me ...
The issue that I find very very stressful - apart from the idea of starting over with employment etc - is housing. I can't stay where I am longterm without reducing my savings further. So I will have to move and rent a room again .... and I seem to attract really poor landlords as I've had a number of them where they want the cash but not the tenant and don't want to turn up the heating ... its so stressful. Plus even renting a room is tough in terms of saving money if you're not earning much ... and longterm I worry as to what will happen when I reach retirement age if I haven't got property in the UK - its very scary. I know I can't look too far ahead and I try really hard not to but still its at the back of my mind. I'll also have to get rid of more stuff again in order to squeeze into a room rental :(
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It really is hard work finding good accommodation. Would it be easier/cheaper to go B&B long-term, neighbours here offer students long-term B&B …… as well as in the holiday season.
There is also a scheme : guardianship : where people live in empty properties in order to keep them from being squatted in …… but one only gets 2 weeks 'notice' …….. i.e. Hotels, old Pubs. etc..
Tweak your CV maybe?
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Hello Greenfields,
I totally understand your frustration at the seeming slowness of your recovery. I was in that place for nearly the whole period of my illness/breakdown/hormone depletion/whatever it was. All it did was make me iller and prolong the process
Things that helped me: people saying. Accept it: it is what it is: it takes the time it takes: acceptance: things happen for a reason: its your bodies way of telling you to slow down.
Please be patient with yourself…it takes the time it takes. It really has not been that long honestly. Being ill is not a crime. You are just trying to heal……..You sound like a proactive person so it is extra frustrating for you to have to be still with this and go with it. But your insides must connect with your outsides. Hope that makes sense.
Hugs Sallyxxxx
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Hello Greenfields,
I totally understand your frustration at the seeming slowness of your recovery. I was in that place for nearly the whole period of my illness/breakdown/hormone depletion/whatever it was. All it did was make me iller and prolong the process
Things that helped me: people saying. Accept it: it is what it is: it takes the time it takes: acceptance: things happen for a reason: its your bodies way of telling you to slow down.
Please be patient with yourself…it takes the time it takes. It really has not been that long honestly. Being ill is not a crime. You are just trying to heal……..You sound like a proactive person so it is extra frustrating for you to have to be still with this and go with it. But your insides must connect with your outsides. Hope that makes sense.
Hugs Sallyxxxx
Thank you so much Sally - yes I think part of me is still very much in shock at what has happened and I can't quite believe the position I find myself in. That said, I feel a lot better than I did and part of me feels very much ready to work - and I need to financially! But acceptance is definitely key and its been a long time coming for me. I think part of it for me is also wondering whether I will have the professional career I envisaged or whether that has gone now and I have to accept something smaller and be much poorer as a result ... it's hard.
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. I can't stay where I am longterm without reducing my savings further.
Have you looked to see if you can put some of your savings in a pension fund so that it brings you under the threshhold for housing benefit? Worth considering, a financial adviser would be able to tell you what is and isn't feasible and what / when this could be released and the terms.
Just a thought!
GG x
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Hi Greenfield - sorry to read about your situation, you sound very motivated and proactive in difficult circumstances. Following on from GG's post - Are you eligible for Job Seekers Allowance or Employment Support Allowance? Think the process is that you have to be in receipt of one of these in order to then apply for Housing Benefit / Council Tax Relief. Just thinking ahead.
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. I can't stay where I am longterm without reducing my savings further.
Have you looked to see if you can put some of your savings in a pension fund so that it brings you under the threshhold for housing benefit? Worth considering, a financial adviser would be able to tell you what is and isn't feasible and what / when this could be released and the terms.
Just a thought!
GG x
Was at the CAB today and have another appointment tomorrow but there are all sorts of complicated rules - if, for eg, such an action might be seen as somehow protecting my savings in order to access benefits ... so not sure whether its possible - but am trying to find out.
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Hi Greenfield - sorry to read about your situation, you sound very motivated and proactive in difficult circumstances. Following on from GG's post - Are you eligible for Job Seekers Allowance or Employment Support Allowance? Think the process is that you have to be in receipt of one of these in order to then apply for Housing Benefit / Council Tax Relief. Just thinking ahead.
RE: ESA and Job Seekers - Nope don't think so ... and the current system is so byzantine that I don't even want to begin to attempt it - but last time I tried, I was put through so many hoops in terms of rules around applying for so many jobs a week etc ... which I'm really not up to doing at the moment. I also left my last job voluntarily as I was moving back to Canada ... so that will count against me too. Plus I'm still waiting for my PIP form - but even that I don't think I will get as I have not been in the UK 2 out of the last 3 years (that's a new rule that was snuck in when disability living allowance switched to PIP apparently).