Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => All things menopause => Topic started by: Greenfields on June 11, 2015, 05:25:48 PM
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Just wondered whether anyone has had the sense that they are not able to express a full range of emotions on HRT?
I've had a few emotional blows this week and normally they would be deep enough to cause me to cry ... but I can't seem to. I feel low and overwhelmed at times but am not able to cry. It feels odd and I'm not completely comfortable with it.
Has anyone else experienced this? I'm only on HRT not ADs - and the HRT is Evorel 50 and Utrogestan 100mg.
The other things I've noticed is that I can do things now which would have caused me massive anxiey in the past - like drive somewhere that I'm not familiar with and not do a test drive beforehand and also not panic (as much) if I end up on a major busy road. In some ways this is great but again, it feels odd. I can live with it but I don't like the fact that I can't seem to cry and I don't know whether that's to do with HRT?
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I haven't been able to cry for years. I ache inside to have a good cry …….. I've been on ADs since 1988. I nearly cried when I was told sad news about an hour ago ……..
As for doing stuff, you will learn to enjoy it ;). It's The Change of Life and acceptance can be difficult.
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Well I'm not a crier by nature at all, but have sobbed a few times this last week as I have felt so low and I'm 9 weeks into HRT (I think we started around the same time?).
I do know what you describe though Greenfields. When my mood is 'okay' on HRT I don't feel quite as in touch with my emotions. There doesn't seem to be that intensity as much? I seem to remember Hurdity posted recently about not really getting any feelings of intense joy/happiness anymore since being on HRT.
On HRT it feels like there's a very, very sheer film of plastic between 'me' and my emotions. Like someone has turned my emotional dial down a couple of notches. Certainly since starting this peri journey 18 months ago I have been unable to feel any real anger or annoyance anymore (and believe me I used to be able to rage with the best of them).
It's quite similar to how I felt when I took ADs for pnd years ago but not quite as severe.
Oestrogen is closely linked to serotonin I think, so maybe this is why?
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I can still get angry >:( ::) - if I really need a cry I put on the last half hour of "The Incredible Journey" …….. :'(
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Well I'm not a crier by nature at all, but have sobbed a few times this last week as I have felt so low and I'm 9 weeks into HRT (I think we started around the same time?).
I do know what you describe though Greenfields. When my mood is 'okay' on HRT I don't feel quite as in touch with my emotions. There doesn't seem to be that intensity as much? I seem to remember Hurdity posted recently about not really getting any feelings of intense joy/happiness anymore since being on HRT.
On HRT it feels like there's a very, very sheer film of plastic between 'me' and my emotions. Like someone has turned my emotional dial down a couple of notches. Certainly since starting this peri journey 18 months ago I have been unable to feel any real anger or annoyance anymore (and believe me I used to be able to rage with the best of them).
It's quite similar to how I felt when I took ADs for pnd years ago but not quite as severe.
Oestrogen is closely linked to serotonin I think, so maybe this is why?
I started my current HRT treatment 6 weeks ago (the previous HRT I was on for 4 weeks but left me so ill - I was alternately wired or had crashing fatigue - so I didn't notice much else because I was so ill).
I know what you mean about the sheet of plastic - I'm not entirely comfortable with it but given how overwhelmed I've felt about my situation recently, I don't think I could cope emotionally if I was to come up on HRT. It's just weird to experience because while I wanted treatment for the vicious night sweats and hot flushes and anxiety ... I didn't realise that HRT impacts one's sense of self and expression of emotions in other ways. At the moment I don't know that there is any other solution for me (I've really struggled getting out of bed the last few days and facing the world) but I hope that I don't have to stay on HRT for a long long time - I want my full sense of self back but not the extreme anxiety and menopausal symptoms.
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I haven't been able to cry for years. I ache inside to have a good cry …….. I've been on ADs since 1988. I nearly cried when I was told sad news about an hour ago ……..
As for doing stuff, you will learn to enjoy it ;). It's The Change of Life and acceptance can be difficult.
I don't know a lot about ADs but I do know that they blunt one's emotional affect which is why it's hard to cry (I think) ... it's one reason why I don't want to go on them (as well as being terrified of the side effects I'll experience because I'm so sensitive to medications). But they do have a purpose and I haven't completely ruled them out if things continue to get more overwhelming for me.
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It could possibly be the type of progesterone that you are using. It can cause you to feel very flat.
Maybe a change to see if something else suits you better, or a coil perhaps.
Honeybun
X
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" At the moment I don't know that there is any other solution for me (I've really struggled getting out of bed the last few days and facing the world) but I hope that I don't have to stay on HRT for a long long time - I want my full sense of self back but not the extreme anxiety and menopausal symptoms."
Yes, I feel exactly the same Greenfields. I am aware that, even when I'm having a stretch of 'good' days/weeks on HRT, I am not quite 'myself'. Instead, I am like a photocopy of myself. A very, very slightly blurred photocopy. The difference is so slight that no one but me could tell. But I can tell and I don't like it.
I am 18 months into this peri menopause journey. Much of it has been a living Hell and I am eternally grateful that (hopefully) HRT is available to take away the awful anxiety and hormonal mood swings. But if this very slightly disconnected feeling is part of HRT then I won't be looking to stay on HRT long term. Definitely not.
The women in my family have all finished the menopause by their mid 40s at the very latest (some have been in their mid 30s). I sincerely hope that I am the same. And I shall probably come off HRT sometime in the next 2 years to see if I am still having periods. If I'm not, and my mood swings have calmed down thanks to my hormones levels dropping and being stable then I won't go back on HRT.
I know it's meant to protect your heart/bones etc but it is far more important to me to get my 'true sense of self' back again. And I do think that true sense of self is very slightly distorted by HRT.
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But I also believe that the fear/anxiety that the peri menopause has caused me to experience have really damaged the very fabric of me, if that doesn't sound too dramatic?
I feel that I have been emotionally scarred by these feelings and that it will be a very long time before these scars are fully healed over and faded into memory. The fact that I can be laid so low by anxiety and depression has really sobered me and knocked much of the self confidence out of me. It's made me very aware of how vulnerable I am and that's not a nice feeling.
I do feel that the peri menopause has definitely 'changed' me and I have taken 2 steps sideways and 2 steps backwards from where I used to stand.
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But I also believe that the fear/anxiety that the peri menopause has caused me to experience have really damaged the very fabric of me, if that doesn't sound too dramatic?
I feel that I have been emotionally scarred by these feelings and that it will be a very long time before these scars are fully healed over and faded into memory. The fact that I can be laid so low by anxiety and depression has really sobered me and knocked much of the self confidence out of me. It's made me very aware of how vulnerable I am and that's not a nice feeling.
I do feel that the peri menopause has definitely 'changed' me and I have taken 2 steps sideways and 2 steps backwards from where I used to stand.
Can absolute relate to that ... if I hadn't had anxiety, panic attack, etc I really feel I wouldn't have had a nervous breakdown and I feel very scarred from it and wonder when I'll ever be able to trust that my mental health will stay strong.
Years ago I had panic attacks but I got over them through yoga and meditation and although it took a while, I got strong inside and didn't feel like the panic attacks would ever come back (that I was constantly worrying about them or looking over my shoulder - which I did for about 6 or 7 years after having my last one in my early thirties) - so what's happened this year has been horrendous and I think it's going to take a while to feel I can trust my mental health ... and I find that so scary.
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I don't cry either, it is a combination of AD's and HRT. Wish I could , I'd love to cry and be dramatic! As if menopause isn't dramatic enough, I do think this is one of the reasons we feel anxiety so bad though, because crying is a natural releasee and can calm you.
xXx
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I agree that a Very Good Cry can be cleansing. Even the sad news yesterday only allowed me to let a few tears go.
I would rather be 'numb'ish with the effect of the AD which I swallow, which doesn't cure things but does help: than have that 'can't get out of bed' depression.
Ladies - this is The Change and it needs accepting that we don't go 'back' to being the same. Any more than when we began having periods, we went 'back'. Hormones cause huge changes which take some getting used to >:(.
I felt quite shocked …….. after each panic attack or deep depression, I would feel battered and bruised: even my shadow ached. This is less now that I take regular medication but if panic strikes fast and I need to take the emergency pill, again, I feel shocked at it all.
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Yes it was me - and I probably boringly keep repeating myself!
No intense feelings of joy and excitement ie surges, and no blubbing fits either. I rarely cry nowadays - but also very lucky in that there isn't anything in my life that would make me cry - so I know I would if anything happened to anyone close to me, but previously I would have cried at all sorts of things. I agree that a really good cry is very therapeutic but equally I don't feel hard done by because I'm not crying! I get moved by some of the terrible things I see on TV that are happening in the world and do well up sometimes - but don't actually cry.
I don't think it's to do with HRT, more that you are not experiencing the same surges in hormones as you become nearer to menopause. I do agree that for those who are on continuous combined HRT (but not cyclical), the continuous progesterone ( and especially if it is a synthetic progestogen) can have a dampening effect on the emotions and a depressive effect (it is a sedative after all).
Hurdity x
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You are never, ever boring Hurdity :)
Interesting what you say about progesterone? I am on sequi HRT with Utrogestan. And on this 2nd cycle of Utro I am definitely experiencing a real deadening/dampening effect on my emotions. Infact I have just started a thread about it and having the background anxiety.
It's quite worrying because I am just not feeling anything when I look at my husband or children. None of the usual softening/up welling loving emotions which I usually have and enjoy. And I have zero urge to cuddle my children either. Just not like me at all. I am having to go through the motions but it's not spontaneous. Same with my husband too. He keeps cuddling me and I'd really rather he didn't and when I look at him I just feel nothing :(
If the Utrogestan is going to effect me like this each month then I don't see how HRT can be an option for me. I can't spend 12 days per month not feeling any love toward my children or husband. It's horrible!
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GypsyRoseLee - just to say that on my second cycle of Utrogestan I experienced a lot of anxiety and nausea - but it has since passed. I also felt a bit down as well ... so do give it some time - 3 months - to see how things settle down - then you can figure out whether what you're experiencing is going to be around regularly or is just part of the process of your body adjusting to the medications.
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That's interesting Greenfields.
I am prepared to give HRT another 4-6 weeks, so I will have experienced at least one more full cycle of it, and will then gauge my symptoms and reactions to it.