Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => All things menopause => Topic started by: TropicalVon69 on April 30, 2015, 07:16:18 AM
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Any words of support would be great ladies, as my post says I'm just feeling terrible this morning and feel like I will never be happy or feel love again.....so scared......I have appt with gynae this afternoon so hoping for some kind of good outcome.....I have barely spoken to my children in the last few days and feeling alone and going a bit mad to be honest.....I just so want to feel better for my girls and myself.....feel like crying but its not coming, think I would feel better if I could.....life feels so empty as do I....not helping is a urine infection....day 2 of abs.....so tired.....life is not worth living at the moment.....despairing, sad, anxious....help please xxx
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So sorry you are feeling so bad :hug:
Hopefully you will feel better after your appointment this afternoon. I know exactly how you feel though, life can feel so empty at times. You can be surrounded by people and still feel so alone. Be kind to yourself, this will pass.
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:bighug:
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Please know that you're not going mad, that this cruel menopause is making you feel like this
I so hope they can help you, good luck this afternoon
Use us as your way of letting it out xx
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Sending you a big cyber hug.
I remember feeling exactly like you describe. So empty and despairing inside. I could look at my lovely children and gorgeous hubby and just feel nothing for them. Awful. This is full blown depression. But not clinical. Hormonal depression. So take courage from the fact your hormones are forever changing on an hourly basis.
So I promise you won't feel like this forever. You likely won't feel like this even this weekend. At least you know what is causing your depression. Depression is harder to treat when the cause isn't known.
It's great you are seeing a gynae today. They will have seen hundreds of women with your symptoms. I know mine had.
Oh and don't worry about never feeling love again. You will. All the love is still there. But it's locked away in a part of your brain that your depression is blocking you from accessing. My friend is a clinical psychologist, and that's how she explained it to me.
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Thanks so much ladies....have just dropped wee girl off at school....so utterly devastated feeling like this.....they deserve so much better than a non functioning mum....has hrt helped with your feelings gypsy rose?...hoping the by as will offer patches as have tried femoston andelleste due t.....any suggestions?....thanks for all your understanding xxx
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Bless you feeling so awful :(
The anxiety, despair that comes over us in peri is not like anything I'd ever experienced, so dark and consuming. I sat in a park in Grassmere last summer watching my family and it was like watching strangers, I felt so detached and eaten up by my feelings and what was happening to me.
Yes the HRT has helped with it, though there are days I don't feel well but not like before. I urge you to keep looking for the right one for you so you can feel well again. Are you on any kind of anxiety med also?
Try and rest and eat well, that helps.
Big hugs
xxx
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I have only been on HRT for 3 weeks so it's too early to tell really. As I am still very up and down, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
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Jedigirl, yes I can remember feeling exactly the same. You just feel like you're sinking down into this horrible black pit. And you look at your family and feel no emotional connection at all. It's actually very frightening.
I identify with being so caught up in your own feelings, constantly assessing how you feel and basically feeling scared and sorry for yourself. Hate it.
How long did it take for the HRT to improve your mood?
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Hello TropicalVon69.
So sorry that you are struggling but as you can see many women understand your feelings because they've experienced them too. I certainly recognise the depression that you describe and it is hormonal. You are also fighting an infection which is enough to make anyone feel unwell!
Hopefully your gynae can help you this afternoon. Please let us know what happens and keep posting, we are all here for you.
Take care and sending hugs.
K
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Thanks so much for sharing ladies and for your care.....it is so heart warming to have mutual support.....actually crying now which is an improvement......not on any anxiety meds jedigirl....tried citalopram last year and it frightened the life out a me....horrendous dark thoughts.....glad you're doing better :-)....hope gypsy rose that your hrt settles in and youre seeing the benefit soon....huggage to you all xxx
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Crying is good, it makes your body release endorphins (I think) which calm you down a bit.
Keep reminding yourself that it is just your hormones making you feel this way. It's just a horrible chemical reaction. But it can be fixed.
Kathleen is right when she says hormonal depression is quite unique in how awful it feels. I suffered with regular 'clinical' depression years ago when my fiancé broke off our engagement and left me. That depression was dreadful and lingered on for a couple of years (until I met my now lovely hubby :) ).
But this hormonal depression is much worse. More intense. And it makes me feel scared too, in a way that clinical depression never did.
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I'm with you Tropical... that's exactly how I have been the past week. Like life is moving in front of your eyes and you are just standing still watching it instead of being part of it.... horrible feeling. I have felt this many times the past couple of years, but the light will come soon and you will feel like the old you again... that's what I keep telling myself. Hugs!!
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Thanks again ladies....yeah feel this too like life is happening for other people.....makes me rage at everyone and everything too.....frightening and.so unfair and so not me....feeling u all too......just getting ready for my appt now....will let you know how I get on....love to you all xxx
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Try not to despair, I know this is truly awful, but it will pass as the other ladies have already said. For you this is one of those days when the sun has gone behind a cloud but it will come out again, it always does. Big hug
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Thanks Freda....:-)...at gynae today she gave me a prescription for evorel sequi patches...fingers crossed xxx
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That's good news. Did you put one on straight away? I know I did, actually pulled into a layby so I could stick my first one on my tummy, I was that desperate to get started ;D
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TropicalVon - I had Evorel 50 patches and they helped me. Don't expect miracles and get despondent though; a steady improvement is more likely, and probably kinder to your body than a sudden wallop. Also, best if you can avoid examining how you feel every hour as you wait for an improvement (easier said than done!). You must be so relieved that something positive is being done to help you. Let us know how you get on xx
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:bighug: I suffered despair. I had organic depression which is chemical (I have clinical at times too), was the appt. generally satisfactory? Do you feel listened too?
Your feelings are scary because you don't know how long they will last. It's OK to be detached for a while, trying to be all things to all in the household becomes a chore because you can't - your family won't come to any harm if you step back a while ;) ……. if you had a cold or 'flu for example, you would be a little less able.
Little steps. Don't try to plan too far ahead. Don't take on too much. Take 10 mins every hour to simply 'be'.
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Thanks ladies, haven't put one on yet as my doc has to OK the prescription so will sort that out today.....so hoping it makes a difference.....I've acupuncture booked for today so fingers crossed it may help too...I felt listened to clkd but she wasn't up for letting me have gel which I asked for but made a suggestion on docs sheet about antidepressants which I'm conflicted about as citalopram scared me, but feel I may need something...not expecting miracles Freda just to feel a bit better would be good....lol gypsyrose.....soon as I get them will put one on----just a wee question, gynae says I can put one on straight away, but last period ended last week...is this OK do you think? X
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Hi , I hope you will be feeling better soon. I should think it is ok to do so (put the patch on ). I am sure he wouldn't tell you to put it on if there is a potential problem in doing so.
I have read you comment about life passing in front of you. I had that feeling not long ago in the street , it was weird as if I was detached from everyone around me . Like almost watching them through the TV. Not pleasant at all . Just be kind to yourself, you have taken positive steps and hopefully will be feeling better soon. There are lots of women out there who have found the right HRT and are doing fine . You may be one of those soon. Lets hope so . I try to do something to distract myself if I can . Keep us posted .
Pepperminty xx
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I very much relate to the feelings of despair and not being connected to my family. Is horrible.
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Hugs to you Lee Jane.....hope you're feeling a bit better.......hellish ride isn't it!!!! Xxx
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So sorry to hear you feeling awful. It will be alright. I know that sounds inane but it is the fear itself that is so debilitating. As all of the others have said, this depression is organic, caused by hormone depletion. I found it really hard to accept. Still do at times, but I have to keep reminding myself that it is just that. After being a full on career firebrand my whole life, I find that I am like a little hermit crab who just wants to hide in my kitchen. This has literally happened in the space of 6 months.
My family are all dynamic, hardworking people and at times I have felt like a burden to them - but that is just me projecting my anxiety onto them. They don't feel that way about me. Acceptance is the key for me. I just have to accept that this is how I am for the present time, and go with it. Others have said that they feel lonely and I do too at times, but I just try and keep busy, setting tiny goals each day - even if its just paying a bill or writing a journal entry, or ironing my daughters school uniform.I just have to keep reminding myself that it is hormonal imbalance that is making me feel this fear and anxiety and it really helps to know that others are so understanding.
Hugs
Sally
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I made a list of things to do every evening for months. It gave me something to tick off to see what I *had* achieved and eased my mind about what I couldn't do.
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Hiya another one here who understands that horrible detached feeling....so another hug coming your way xx
I feel like I could quite easily become a recluse I don't want to see anyone, talk to anyone...everything is just one massive effort. Like others have said it does help having a to do list....at least by the sounds of it you have made progress already and shown great courage too so fingers crossed that you will start to feel better soon.
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Wading through treacle :-\
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Thanks shelb for the positivity and understanding and yeah clkd it certainly does......hugs to you both xxx