Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => Personal Experiences => Topic started by: Tealady12 on March 29, 2015, 09:44:41 AM
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Hi Ladies
I take such comfort from this website, knowing I am not alone in this awful hormone muddle. I'm in the middle of a horrible surge of anxiety. The usuals, worrying about everything, dry mouth, tearful, feeling queasy, so tired, irrational, lurching from one 'what if' to the next..a constant state of high alert... I keep telling myself it will pass and it will ease, but what if it doesn't this time?
Am 46 and on HRT - Evorel 50 patches and the Mirena coil. Also take AD's and b Vits. Every 3 weeks or so I feel like this...it's so horrible...I wonder if I need a higher oestrogen dose, but doc thinks a lot of my anxiety is due to to the fact that I am going through a divorce. Yes, it certainly doesn't help but why then are some weeks ok and then other times - like now - it all feels so much worse?
Things are generally OK with the soon to be ex H - think this is so important for the children - but I am still so sad - it wasn't my choice and it feels so much worse when my anxiety is bad. Will I ever feel OK and happy again? Think I'm about to cry just typing this...We've been separated for 3 years but when the anxiety kicks in it may as well have been yesterday.
Hey ho, better get on with day and repeat my mantra...it will pass..
Best wishes and hugs to all of you
Tealady xx
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'it will pass' don't help me :'( - I am the same this morning. Started my breakfast and it 'turned' on me. Dashed to the loo. Shaky. Weak thighs. Know that I have to eat but can't :'( :-\ - have tried Rescue Remedy mouth spray and DH has gone to town to buy Dextrose tablets. Head light. Need to cry, can't ……..
Can't help much can I :-\
Where does it start with you, for me its' around my belly button area which is tight.
You have so much going on that I'm not surprised you have anxiety. :bighug:
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It's not helping me much either at the moment! Sorry you are feeling awful, it is so debilitating isn't it? I hope it eases soon for you. Am on the rescue remedy too, but to no effect and have to take my son out soon so may need a beta blocker to get me to town and back..
My anxiety starts as a 'shift' in my general feeling, it's hard to explain - I just feel different and a feeling of doom comes over me - like something awful is about to happen. My chest then feels tight and my heart palpitations start and then yes, my tummy feels tight, wobbly legs etc...
Fingers crossed for both of us that we start to feel better soon, sending big hug back to you xx
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Me too :-\ shaky legs, irrational thoughts, feeling i need to keep taking deep breaths, also got the what ifs, internal jitters, tummy up and down, needing alot of wees
Am learning though that i can get through these days and have good ones again, i have before, its just hard to focus on that on these rotten days.
CLKD I'm struggling to eat too, my hubby also gets me protein shakes to sip when it comes on so battling through one of those with a few nibbles of rich tea.
Hugs to you both ladies, we'll get there :hug:
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I can identify with horrid anxiety. Mine started recently after a cancer scare. Though I know why it started it dies not make it easier.
I am already on sertraline so can't add that in. I'm taking low dose beta blocker but I don't think it helps. I have rescue remedy, it does nothing but I try tell myself it helps. I need lots of deep breaths.
It makes me so annoyed because it's robbed me of me again. I hate the phone now, confrontation, which is so not me. And health anxiety, I just need one thought and I'm gone. Shaking jelly legs and arms. Mix it with low blood sugars and its lethal. Plus my appetite is rubbish, though I am hungry my mouth says no no.
My body has hit a pattern of shaking straight after breakfast and I am trying to change things around to trick it, as right now I cannot leave the house in a morning, which I turn makes me mad and sad.
I desperately need to function as me again. I know when I wake in the night I feel totally me and normal, so it's anxiety trapping me in the day and I must beat it.
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If this lasts for more than a few hours I find smells and tastes are highly attuned which makes drinking/eating difficult. I had a cuppa yesterday but because the mug smelt funny, I was unable to drink it. YUK. Some mugs from my dishwasher have to go round again on a non-soap wash 'cos of the smell. Hormones make my taste buds more alert :-\.
I took my emerngey med, have manned a Dextrose tablet, an egg custard and a coffee yoghurt. I need to pee every 10 mins as the anxiety eases ……….. I am aware that this is starting to take over my daily plans again >:(
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Hi Sarai
I always find evenings and night much easier, dizziness , brain fog clears then suddenly that feeling of fear goes too. Bizarre.
CLKD keep strong,battle on. Any idea why things are tough again now? you're always so helpful with yr advice on this site. Know that we send a :hug: for you and keep chatting, we need you! 💗
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Hear hear 're CLKD !
What's it like being a legend ? ! ;)
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CLKD feel the love! Shame we can't all meet up and scream, cry, quiver together. Mind you I hate groups of people and would only cancel on you last minute so prob just as well! X
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Yes CLKD, you are always so helpful, take comfort from knowing that your advice helps so many of us. And yes Jedigirl...why does it seem to lift a bit in the evenings? The mornings are always worse and breakfast usually a big no no..thank goodness for nibbles on a Rich Tea biscuit hey? My sense of taste and smell become really heightened when I am anxious and things I usually like make me feel queasy...Managed my trip to town, but felt my legs were like jelly and like they didn't actually belong to me.....Bumped into someone I know and had to act like I was going for an Oscar...Plastered on the smile and 'yes, I'm fine thanks, really well and you?..' I should be on the stage! So glad to be home and can hide away again with my rich teas bics.
Lots of love to all
:hug: :hug:
Xx
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:wub: glad my comments help. Pity I can't take my own advice ::)
I took the emergency pill rested for 20 mins then ate a banana. Cuppa to hand. egg custard and a yoghurt - eaten. I feel quite shocked though. At least the pill works!
I tried Rescue Remedy, deep breathing, pottering, but couldn't' settle to crosswords, F1 on TV :-\
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Tealady, well done for getting to town 😀
I'm currently resting in bed and my in laws have turned up with friends. WHY😖 I'm hiding out up here till theryve gone, terrible I know but if you can't rest and hide in your own home where can you?
CLKD hope the evening brings some respite for you, I'm currently making a list in my head of foul swear words for hormones.
Don't let them grind you down girls! ( she says from the safety of her duvet)
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No not terrible Jedigirl, you are just looking after you. Will join you in making list of swear words for these horrible hormones. Glad your pill helped CKLD. Not much on TV is there? But I'm holding out for Poldark later! ;D Another day nearly got through ladies, hope we all feel a bit better tomorrow. Xx
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Oh lots on TV - F1 followed by MotoGP on the computer. Feet up all afternoon gradually improving.
How are you this evening?
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morning ladies, how are you today?
I'm feeling a little improved, even went to bed happy last night after all symptoms as usual eased through the evening. Did a lovely guided meditation to nod off to and mostly slept well with just a slight nausea wave.
Not feeling as good as last night but not bad. Wading through a few spoons of porridge.
Hugs x
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Felt a bit better yesterday eve thanks CLKD, glad to hear you were improving too. Thanks Jedigirl, I don't feel as bad as I did yesterday morning, but stomach still churning a bit and dry mouth but legs less wobbly. Am nibbling the rich teas as I type! Where would we be without the humble rich tea bic? Hope we all have a better, brighter day today - the sun is out here at least!
Hugs to all of you too xx
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"Wading" is exactly the correct word - for me it's like wading through treacle >:(
However - have managed a small banana, half a round of toast and my medication.
:bighug:
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I woke at 5am to panic attack - started as breathlessness then moved into funny facial creeping feeling, then nausea, etc. Really pissed off as haven't had one since November but am weaning myself off citalopram - two weeks on half a tablet, now two days on a quarter - so have to accept that might be the reason. I hate taking them, but this perhaps suggests they worked.
Damn.
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Oh i love the evenings for some peaceful respite, the calm that comes is lovely.
Yes Tealady I'm also on the rich tea with a milky hot chocolate, got to get those calories down.
Hugs back CLKD, hope its a better day for you. I used to love my food, it seems like a chore alot of the time now.
rebelyell, maybe you need longer on the half tablet. Don't beat yourself up about needing them, half a tablet isn't much and better you
don't relapse. What helps calm you? Theres a fab meditation app on google play called Qi Gong guided mediation, its free and has some lovely guided meditations. I love the guide round a mountain cabin at midnight with snow all around. I love the cold! Theres a few to chose from. Hope you have time to rest today.
jedigirl :hug:
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Thanks jedigirl - I will try that app and speak to doctor about staying on half a tablet. Am keeping busy now and working this afternoon, then yoga, then book club. I find busyiness is the only thing that works for me and hopefully I will then be so tired I sleep easily.
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rebelyell
sounds like a great day, enjoy, come back and tell us which book you chat about x
jedigirl
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Rebelyell. Wean off ssris slip as you can. Think months!! There is a well know ssri withdrawal response that is truly terrible. I've done it a couple of times and it is awful. Ypu will have a hard time knowing what is causing what as you come off it.
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It took me 9 weeks of generally weaning of dose - only drugs that GPs have access too. Once I decided that the withdrawal feelings only lasted 48 each time I accepted that eventually I would get there. I did!
I've never enjoyed food - would that I could swallow one tablet each 24 hours ………. food is around a lot of my anxiety problems.
Dextrose tablets to hand, DH scoured the local town yesterday to find me some :-*
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Have only been on one 10mg a day since end December - do you think I should go back to half tablet a day for a while or go longer on a quarter? Doctor said 2 weeks on half then two weeks on a quarter then quarter every other day. I was fine for two weeks on half - actually better than I was on a whole tablet, I felt normal! Fine yesterday on a quarter then this morning - wham!
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Depends why you were prescribed them?
So far today so good …..
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I was given citalopram to stop hot flushes and anxiety - after six months on estrogen only hrt [i have had hysterectomy years ago but kept ovaries] I had several panic attacks and became ridiculously anxious. The citalopram did stop that but I felt very flat and whilst not unhappy, I did still get anxious [mainly health anxiety] and didn't seem to feel happy, even when happy - if you see what I mean.
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It's between a rock and a stone sometimes.
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I think between us we could write a book on anxiety, its tight chest a lot with me, I can feel it now no reason for it, four days off work, lie in the morning I should feel great but its there, evenings are worst, when Im not busy I suppose as work is busy, and first thing in the morning you know when you wake and you think I can feel it coming on already that dread!.
Camomile tea helps very calming and for me rescue remedy, breathing and started b vits.
I have terrible health anxiety too every day I think Im dying of something horrible feeling, also exercise anxiety, I do it but stress afterwards :(.
I find other people don't understand Im often told but there is nothing wrong with you...
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Hello ladies, another anxiety sufferer here. 6 months ago my hot flushes were replaced by this anxiety thing. I would prefer the flushes to be honest.
Regards the question about why it is worse in the mornings (mine is too) I think cortisol (stress hormone) is higher in the mornings which could account for it.
'wading through treacle' is a phrase I have often used myself, that and 'feeling like my head is in a plastic bag'
I also take a low dose propranolol. I used to take it when I felt anxious but my GP suggested taking it daily, not waiting to feel horrible. Things aren't good some days but are generally less up and down that way.
Love these threads, so reassuring
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It is so reassuring to know that we aren't alone in this anxiety misery...although it's very sad that so many of us suffer like this and are so often told to just 'pull ourselves together and get on with it...' Hmmmm, yes like that really helps!
Propanolol helps me a bit too when things get really bad and I've been on Escitalopram AD's for about 3 years now. Despite the AD's I still get anxiety and currently it is more or less cyclical ... Think it ties in with when I would be starting a period..? I have mirena for the progesterone part of my HRT so hard to tell where I am really. Have noticed the periods of anxiety now getting closer together as I move through the peri menopause ...it's just awful isn't it? Do I need more oestrogen? Am I just going to end up constantly anxious..? Mine always worse in the morning too and eases towards evening. I have to break the day up into sections... Just get to mid morning,just get to lunchtime etc.. Trying not to worry about the past and future...
Keep strong ladies, though I do know that's easier said that done sometimes...
Big hugs to all and hopefully some Easter choc might brighten our weekends xxx
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Hello - another anxiety sufferer here.
I have always suffered with PMS but never experienced anxiety until I had PND after my first child was born. The anxiety was absolutely crippling. I ended up on ADs which sort of helped me function but I didn't feel like me anymore. Felt sort of hollowed out and grey. Couldn't cry, but couldn't giggle either. Finally after 2.5 years I went cold turkey off them. It was a slightly bumpy ride, but I never really looked back.
Was absolutely fine for the next 10 years. Then 17 months ago I noticed my periods were getting much lighter and closer together. Then out of the blue the anxiety arrived. I recognised the sensations immediately from when I had PND. Because my periods were still regular and I wasn't having any hot flushes I didn't equate this anxiety with peri menopause/hormones. I must have been stupid not to realise the link :-\
It was just awful. Within days I became a shadow of my former self. I felt frightened all the time. Vulnerable. Kept experiencing waves of despair. I became scared of the dark. Scared of it getting dark outside (not great when it's January). I didn't recognise myself. I was terrified I was genuinely going mad. Then the random insomnia started. Just lying there hour after hour, with my mind all hollowed out and whirling.
My GP never mentioned hormones, just diagnosed stress and just started me on sertraline. I reacted badly to it, so I swapped to amitriptyline. This is an older, tri-cyclic AD with quite a sedating effect. It worked but slowly. Sleep improved. But I felt foggy and a bit detached from my life. Also I would still get episodes of feeling anxious and jittery which I think were linked to my cycle?
Went cold turkey off the amitriptyline last September. Initially felt great. Then experienced mood swings and anxiety again. But it was very erratic. Good days and bad days. Finally got referred to a gynaecologist who immediately diagnosed me with peri menopausal anxiety. But by the time I had my appointment with her I'd enjoyed several weeks of feeling 'okay again' so I declined her offer of HRT.
Bad mistake. Huge.
My anxiety came back with a vengeance and I had a dreadful Xmas and New Year. My anxiety manifests as waking very early with the meerkat response. Immediate feelings of dread. Inability to enjoy anything. Having to fake every smile. Having to force myself to cuddle my children. Hating crowds but also scared of being alone. And all the while this underlying jitteriness and dread. I get diarrhoea and nothing tastes right. I have lost 14lbs since Xmas because I often can't eat.
But then inexplicably it all fades away and I can have several days or even a couple of weeks of feeling perfectly normal and happy again. I have just enjoyed a full 5 weeks of feeling very well and happy. It was bliss. My period came and went and I barely noticed it. But then I had a very long gap (for me) of a 32 day cycle before my next period finally arrived last weekend. Within 24 hours the anxiety was back. Early waking. Diarrhoea. I have lost 4lbs this week. Dreading being alone again. Dreading the thought of our holiday next month. Jittery. No pleasure in anything. This has been going on now for 6 days. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.
Going back to the gynaecologist next month to ask for HRT. I am only in my early 40s and can't face feeling like this for the next 10-15 years.
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It truly is awful. :bighug: ………. it starts around my belly button if my body is hungry and floors me if it's below as my whole gut area goes stiff. Somehow :-\
Even though I know it's hormonal and the fight/flight response it is so physical that I am unable to function without resorting to the emergency medication - which I know does work within 40 mins. so only use it when I become unable to do anything. I can sit here floored with anxiety telling myself "it's caused by ……. " but that doesn't ease it anyhow.
Keeping a food/mood/cycle diary might help? Also eating small amounts regularly. Stops those hunger surges. Dry ginger biscuits?
HRT will protect your heart and bones ;) :tulips2:
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It is the most awful crippling thing isn't it. It just floors you.
I can push on through it, but inside I feel like I'm breaking into a billion tiny pieces and the feelings of dread are just awful, horrible. I have to force everything. Force myself to smile. Force myself to speak. Force myself to eat/get dressed, shower etc. It's incredibly hard.
When it's really intense I take 10mg of diazepam which works well, but this is only a last resort. And, I can go weeks and weeks not needing to take anything at all. Then WHAM it comes back out of nowhere.
I know just what you mean about logically telling yourself 'It's just hormones, I KNOW it's just hormones' and it not making a scrap of difference.
Yesterday, I had diarrhoea, felt chilled all day, my hair felt dry...ALL symptoms of hormonal fluctuations. So I know my anxiety is part of the same package. I know it is. But it doesn't make it any easier at all.
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Because it is so physical. 'mind over matter' don't work for me at all >:( ………. :bighug: …….. I can't push through any more and certainly Valium as necessary helped in the 1990s.
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It is so reassuring to know that I am not alone with my current anxiety, although I wish none of us had to go through it.
My anxiety is worse in the morning and almost gone by evening when I feel more like my old self. I also am finding it hard to feel hungry earlier in the day with some improvement by evening. The other thing I hate is that I cannot cope well with stress at the moment and just want to cry like a baby when it all gets too much.
I feel like I have turned into a shadow of my former self sometimes and just wish I could feel 'normal' again.
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You're not alone Kristy. There are lots of us on here who know exactly how you feel and sympathise. I've had such fantastic support from women on here, they've been so informative and helpful :)
I've been battling with hormonal related anxiety and low mood for nearly 18 months now. I' turned down my consultant's offer of HRT last year. Instead I threw everything I had at it but it hasn't been enough. I've tried ADs. I tried cutting out sugar. I have tried heavy duty supplements. Nothing has worked for me.
Seeing my GP tomorrow to ask for HRT. I have no quality of life for several days or weeks at a time. Like you I just want to feel 'normal' again.
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I have felt 'normal' since Thursday - I resorted to an emergency tablet 'in case' rather than waiting to be floored, took a Propranolol night and monring until Sunday and so far so good ........... it is such a relief to have a break from even thinking about anxiety ......... shame to have the 'calm before the storm' at the back of my mind :-\ but I could almost say 'it's gone' : however >:( ..........
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Kristy,
My anxiety is just like that, horrible in the mornings, much better by evening and has an impact on my eating. I have lost alot of weight and struggle to buy clothes. People tell me I'm lucky to be small but its no fun looking for size 6 clothes or resorting to teen clothes when you're 45! Just want some curves back.
I am more able to push through the uncomfortable days than i was, though the really bad days still floor me with how awful I can feel physically.
CLKD,
Glad you are having some respite from it all, enjoy!
GypsyRoseLee,
Good luck with the HRT. I have to say it has helped me hugely even though I was reluctant to use it I knew I had to to get my life back. I was being told I wasn't ill, but I felt it! It's not perfect but I dread to think how I would be without it.
Hugs to all you lovely ladies struggling at the moment. We are lucky to have this site to turn to :hug:
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Thank you Jedigirl.
On Day 3 of my Estrodot patch, and taking first Utrogestan 200mg tonight (very nervously).
Like you, I couldn't bear the thought of enduring any more low moods and anxiety. It was ruining my life and affecting my family. I know HRT isn't a magic wand. But if it stops me looking at a passing bus and thinking 'I could walk in front of that and all this anxiety would just stop' then that's good enough for me.
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GRL - I get dark thoughts with anxiety too :'(
If we are hungry, do we not eat: if we need medication, should we not try it ……….
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They're quite frightening aren't they CLKD :(
I think that's the difference between feeling 'generally a bit low and fed up' and feeling a 'real despair that makes you question you're ability to carry on living.'
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I'm feeling anxious about tomorrow, because I'm swapping places with another organist for the Sunday morning service. I realise I'm very lucky to get this chance and it's all great experience, but menopausal feelings are starting to set in - picturing the scene, dreading it, imagining how I'll feel, worrying about being surrounded by people I don't know, etc..........I just hope I'll be okay. I really need to have my wits about me and I need a really good night's sleep tonight. Here's hoping....
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Dulciana I am sure you will be absolutely fine. These pesky meno hormones steal away our self confidence don't they?
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Thanks GypsyRoseLee.
Yes...they do. :(
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Dulciana
How did your service go? I think you're amazing to be able to do that at all!
I am having a very trying day. Have swung from feeling reasonable to desperately anxious, upset tummy and despondency and just starting to feel it ease a bit now. Am trying to hold off taking half a diazepam as i am at work tomorrow and they knock me out but hate feeling so weird. Meditated and slept for an hour which helped but I wish i knew how to get the old me back. I hate that this jumps up from nowhere and floors me.
This has been a hard few weeks even with the HRT. Fed up of having to struggle like this with no help from the GP. They are happy to listen and give me what i ask for but useless at advising.
Am dreading how I might feel for work tomorrow, grrrr >:( Ah well, will make dinner to distract myself. You never know I might even eat some :-\
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Hi Jedigirl
I feel exactly the same. Hate the way it just leaps up out of nowhere. I was feeling great 2 weeks ago, then BOOM my period arrived and have felt so low, anxious and despondent ever since. Which makes no sense at all. I should have been feeling 'good' since my period started??? I have had a couple of 'good' days in between. Mine's worse today because I didn't sleep at all last night. Joy.
Doesn't your HRT help at all?
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Yes HRT does help, dread to think what I'd be like without it. Last year before I went on it was a very bleak time when I couldn't work, eat , had to have my 75 year old mother round to look after the kids. It was horrendous. The HRT has given me alot back but bad days still crop up, I think because my own cycle is still in play underneath.
Hope you sleep better tonight. xxx
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Dulciana How did your service go?
Thank you for asking, jedigirl. I didn't come a-cropper, or have an attack of nerves, or get muddled (all the things I was scared of!). I did go into post-mortem mode when I got back, and started worrying about what people thought, even though people seemed appreciative. Stupid, really, but so very "me" these days - (poor Hubby!) - I've always got to have something to worry about. It took me lunch, a glass of wine, a kip down on the bed with the radio on, and finally a cup of tea to shake myself out of the dumps...............! ???
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Hi Jedigirl, it sounds like you had it rough? It wouldn't surprise me if your own cycle was still trying to muscle in on your HRT induced calm. I expect the same will happen to me once I'm established on HRT? My symptoms seem to strong I can't believe they will just quietly fade away forever?
I'm hoping I sleep better too (fingers crossed).
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As a long term anxiety sufferer I feel your pain. It's so horrible it disrupts your life. The menopause has heightened my dreaded anxiety and I feel for you and everybody else because the symptoms can be so delibilating . Mornings are my worst time! I cry and have panic attacks but this usually settles by the afternoon. I worry all day long about my young grandchildren even though I know they are ok I think its because I miss them so much and the missing them has got worst since the menopause... what hurts me most though with my anxiety is not being able to go and see them when I want because my damn silly anxiety wont let me leave the house and I get so upset as I miss them like crazy. My daughter does pop down though every two weeks or so with them but then I cry when they leave as I never want them to go..silly me lol
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I had problems leaving the house in the 1990s :'(. The GP has given me various medications which help. But sometimes its' easier to go back to bed or sit in the garden than face the World: either because the anxiety has floored me or because it might 'start' …….
I've tried deep breathing. Music. Relaxation therapy, all helped at the time.