Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => Personal Experiences => Topic started by: tabbycat3838 on March 23, 2015, 07:51:43 AM
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Hello guys,
I hope you are all doing ok.well as the title says, im a little bit embarrassed about the fact that i raved so much about the HRT on here, when in actual fact it made me so sick in the end that i had to come off of it.
Tried it for 3 months so gave it my best shot.
I think initially i must have had some kind of high or buzz off of it, as very quickly i had some kind of "surge"from it.as time went on however things just went back to the way they were and worse.
I was also still having my own regular cycle through it rather than the breakthrough bleeding you are supposed to have.periods became very prolonged and heavy.
Anyway, i then aquired yet another virus (i rarely do not have some sort of virus) and then the extreme palpitations started which went on relentlessly day in day out for several weeks.everytime i bent down, turned over in bed walked anywhere, did anything.as ive shown a prolonged qt reading on ecgs this sent anxiety through the roof and a thousand trips to gp.apparantly they are not bothered but am seing a cardio anyway.
They have now gone, but only because ive started juicing and upping my calcium pottassium and magnesium as i realised i was very low in these due to not eating properly.i also stopped drinking for 3 months.i do feel marginally better for doing this stuff.
Anyway just thinking out loud really, as feeling particularly low today. Im fed up with feeling so up and down and ill, fatigued week and freezing cold all the time,and not functioning like i used to.bored also of spending so much time in bed as im so cold and low.i feel hollow and hopeless at times.circumstances in my life are still very tricky as am waiting for a move date,had to sell house for financial reasons.my son is off the rails and the boy i used to be so close to feels like a complete stranger to me now and we cant stand the sight of each other.it seems the weaker i feel, the more he wants to put the boot in and make life even more,of a struggle.my family is completely fractured at the moment and thats devestating.as we,re usually so close.i dont feel i have the streangth or tolerance to deal with my kids anymore.i feel ive been a single parent on and off for 23 years and im fed up with it.im fed up with being unnapreciated and criticised.i feel like nothings ever going to feel ok again,i just wanna run away and cant even take hrt for some relief.
Anyway, just needed to get some thoughts down here , i know im not alone in all of this just still shocked at the way hormones can make you feel so not youreself.
Hugs to all who are feeling rubbish.x
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Hi tabbycat. I haven't got any answers but just wanted to send you a hug. You have got so much on your plate at the moment but we are all here for you.
Taz x :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
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Hi Taz, how are you??:-) nice to hear from you and thankyou.xx
I feel so childish sometimes lol funny how i feel more childish at the time in my life when im supposed to grow up the most! bloody tantrum tilly i feel like. Theres so many people out there having such a hard time its crazy xx
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tabbycat - I'm so sorry to hear you are in such a bad place at the moment. Sometimes life just becomes overwhelming and it's difficult to find a way forward. It's sounds to me that you tried HRT too soon and I don't know which HRt preparation you tried but I certainly found the higher doses didn't agree with me in early peri - I think my own fluctuating hormones played havoc.
It has been terribly cold lately - I normally love the wintertime but the recent cold winds seem to penetrate my bones - I've had horrible aches and pains. You could also be low on Vitamin D which is very common at this time of year - the medical profession now knows that the vast majority of us have Vit D deficiency and this leads to fatigue and low mood. To get the main source of Vitamin D we need around 15 mins in the sun every day without sunblock which is very difficult to get in this country. Supplements of Vit D3 are cheap and well worth taking - particularly in winter throughout to spring.
What you are going through now does sound like a nasty bout of depression and this can be treated. Some CBT or even some SSRIs might be worth trying to get you through this tough time.
I do hope things improve soon. DG x
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Hi tabbycat. Gosh you are having a hard time. I was just wondering about the fact you feel cold all the time. Has your GP checked your thyroid function??
Just try to be kind to yourself. Sometimes you just have to be selfish. Back off a bit from your son as he is not helping the situation. You will probably find his attitude will change if you ignore him for a bit. Lads usually get like that with their Dads but if you are the only parent he's focusing his angst on you, just when you don't need it. He will survive so concentrate on you.
:hug:
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Hello DG, how are you 'thanks for reply also :-)xx yeah i think you are right about the vit d.after doing alot of research i am of the thought that we are all very deficient in alot of things as our soils are so depleted so even with a healthy diet, its often not enough.
I have ramped up my diet big time,loads of nuts and seeds,and vegetables,cut out bread and other white carbs. Which does help with blood sugar issues.
As you say tho its very difficult to get vitamin d and ive been indoors in bed most of the winter coz victorian house is too expensive to heat and i do feel like a different woman when the sun comes out (dont we all)
Ive never had a vit d test, as the doctors,seem to think doing exactly the same bog standard blood tests every few months is going to throw up a different result lol their thinking is non sense.
I will continue to eat well and wait for some sunshine.im yet to experience the hot flushes people have such a hard time with as i am the total opposite.last night i slept with a hot water bottle.maybe you are right. It feels like it has been particularly and relentlessly cold this year! You are defo right about depressed, tho it is transitory, i dont take prescribed drugs as i had a prescribed drug addiction that took me many years to recover from so meds not an option for me . xx
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Hello rosebud :-) god you read my mind as that is,exactly what i have decided to do.i have decided that i will be there to pick up the pieces but that ultimately he is choosing his own path.i have guided him, talked with him, we have always been very open and extremely close. but i just cant handle the nastiness he directs towards me, its absaloutely vile and hurts beyond words,ive been through all the same with my daughter but i somehow had more faith in her to come through.he is just completely thoughtless, careless and in self destruct mode. im getting help for him but am worried sick about him i am so intolerant because of my own crap im deaing with, i am reacting and being unkind back to him now saying stuff i would never have said to him before.i need to do exactly what you say tho and back off.let him learn to fend for himself.ive always done everything for him not that he believes,that lol.he is very expecting. Thankyou so much, its almost like youve given me permission to do what i already feel is best.xx oh and yes thryoid is "normal"all bloods are "normal "x lol x
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hello tabbycat.
I'm so sorry you are having a rough time at the moment. I agree that hormones are mighty powerful and I'm amazed at how awful they can make you feel. You say all your bloods are normal and I assume that includes iron levels because as you know being anaemic can make you feel cold, having said that I often feel cold as well as flushy! In her meno book Miriam Stoppard explains that the areas in the brain that control body temperature are affected by changing hormones so it is a meno problem and maybe instead of hot flushes you are experiencing the chills.
Hopefully the cardiologist will be able to put your mind at rest about having long qts and suggest something that will help and reassure you, perhaps some Beta Blockers? I was diagnosed with a bowel problem at the same time I began the menopause and since then a lot of my anxiety is focused on my guts which of course makes me feel worse, add to that the health anxiety that comes with the meno and it's no wonder we obsess about our bodies.
You don't say how old your son is but young men are notoriously awkward and feisty and they also have trouble handling their hormones, the fact that you are getting help for him is the right thing to do I'm sure.
This is a tough time in our lives and as you can see from the forum there are many ladies who completely understand and sympathise with you and your situation so take heart, you are not alone.
Wishing you well and keep posting.
K.
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Hi TabbyCat
"Tried it for 3 months so gave it my best shot."
Sorry but 3 months is the mimimum to let the "right" HRT get you back on track.
If you get it right in the 3 months then you'd be lucky.
For me heavy/longer/more painful periods were part of my experience then they calmed down as my body got back to normal.
Not surprising really as I'd not had a "normal" period in a long time.
I've said before it took me 6 months+ to get back to normal with the help of HRT.
Perhaps I missed it but not sure what you took and what other affects you had.
If you did get virii around that time then that would not have been your HRT.
If your vit and mins were down around that time then again HRT would not have caused this or made it worse.
Hope you get back to feeling well as soon as possible but dont push the HRT away when you've not given it a chance in real terms.
sorry to hear about your family too, hope you get help on that, take care
:-*
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OH Tabby
Poor you life can be so bloody unfair at times
HRT isnt for everyone its not the PANACIA for all ills BUT it might be this one didnt suit you?
There maybe another that will? I didnt take it I soldiered on I had no choice couldnt take it,
Stress or utter sadness is all a part of the meno pre and post . When a close family is fractured it hurts more.
Be kind to yourself next time specifically ask for BTESTS u want make yourself heard
As for your son unless he does something really bad HES ur son just changing its OK not to like him@the moment
As for palps or skippies they are a major part of meno that hardly anyone knows I had/have them I take Beta Blocs
But its good your having Heart checked cant hurt xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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I picked up part of your post saying you were freezing cold and fatigued - have you had your thyroid checked? Just in case you haven't thought I'd mention it
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Hi peegitip,with respect everyone is different.i have had proplems,with my nervous system and am extremely sensative to medications of all sorts.
I am 100 percent sure that it was the hrt that caused the palpitations which lasted over a month and were extremely severe.
I have never been able to tolerate even birth control pills.
I was "ok" with the hrt untill the three month mark which as i am aware is generally how long it takes to kick in.
I was using fem 7 sequi and still having my own regular cycle through it.
I had perviously only missed two periods in a year 18 months ago going back to a regular cycle for the last year.
I am not slating hrt and know it helps alot of women, but for me, it has not helped as i originally thought and infact made things worse in the end.
Thankyou for your reply, do hope hope you are well.x
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Hi kathleen, thankyou for your post :-) yrs i do take iron for low ferratin have had to for years now, still cant get levels up very high!
Yes ive been around here a few times haha and still feel shocked and a bit baffled although its so helpful reading about other peoples experiences, i think ive been in denial quite a bit because as ive said i still have regular periods,and i find it difficult to believe that a doctor can diagnose menopause from one blood test and two skipped periods but, i think im starting to realise that that really is whats going on at the least a hormone imbalance caused by peri.
Thankyou for your advice about my son.its very different with boys isnt it.my daughter was a total nightmare too but i guess because she is female i related to her more.i have no clue about teenage boys.
I hope you are ok with your bowels now?its funny how we fixate on a cerrtain part of our body, or that a particular part is so prone to things,and the anxiety of course makes,everything so much worse! X
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It's not the best combination - teenage hormones making our kids difficult and menopause making us more anxious and less able to cope. If you can detach a bit more it can help - I know it's easier said than done.
Have you tried Mindful Meditation? I've found it really good to deal with stress. DG x
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Hey suzi :-) thank you for replying.. :-) The palps were horrendous, ive always had them and they never bothered me at all untill then, i felt like i had elephants running around in my chest lall day every day.. Very disconcerting.were /are yours like that too?if so i feel for you!
Whats btests suzi?is that b12? I think mine are ok now but used to be very low.
Thankyou re my son, I just see him slipping, no, hurtling down that slippery slope and it makes me angry that tjhere seems to be nothing i can do.i am not the right person to help him anymore as he hates my guts and just doesnt want to listen to me at all :-( any suggestiions i make are just discarded and i am all the ***** under the sun at the moment.
Oh and re the palps i took the patch off about three weeks ago and they have been on the decline since then, everything feels virtualy back to normal now bar the occasional gentle flutter.x
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Hi cj, thankyou.. :-) yes i have had thyroid done, all normal apparantly i do know the tests can be innacurate tho,,im sure ive heard that theres going to be a whole revision done on them?x
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Hey dg.. Yes if i get the space i do try to meditate, not too easy in my house!also EFT is amazing but i always forget to do it.
Yeah you are totally right about that!what a terrible concoction, teenagers and menopause.. Ugghh xxx
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I had three teenage girls all at once......daughter no 3 went off the rails big time.....she was told she either abides by the rules or she leaves......she left......did her thing.......we are now the best of friends, she has a new baby......and I think baby is going to be a handful.....Karma ;D
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Hi tabbycat - you mentioned that you were using a patch - Combined HRt patches only come in a medium dose so this may have been too high for you are this early stage of peri meno. I'd give it a while without any HRT, check that the cardiologist is happy with your heart, take some Vitamin D, practise lots of Mindful Meditation and as we progress into spring see how you feel. If hot flushes etc emerge then perhaps try something like Femoston 1/10 to see if this helps. Good luck DG x
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I was also still having my own regular cycle through it rather than the breakthrough bleeding you are supposed to have.periods became very prolonged and heavy.
…….. I would think that this is why you found the added hormones too much. It is a very thin line between our own hormones doing their 'own thing' and HRT helping as the levels drop off naturally.
Anyway, i then aquired yet another virus (i rarely do not have some sort of virus)
- this concerns me. A healthy body does not continue to acquire viruses so your immune system seems low. Has your GP done the usual blood tests, i.e. iron levels, thyroid function tests ………. because feeling cold can be a sign that the thyroid is out of kilter. As can a poor diet and depression. If you are continually cold then consider what clothing you are wearing, it may be sunny out there but I haven't yet settled on how many layers of clothing I need today ::) - have already added 2 more cardigans and my feet are cold.
Take a list of symptoms to the Cardiologist. Take a list of questions too! Keeping a food/mood diary can be useful. At least you have addressed your diet and cut out alcohol and you will continue to feel the benefits!
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Hi mary jane!well kudos to you coping with all that! ;D you are very brave.
Thats so good you and your girl are back togeather, i also have a good relationship with my girl but we,are so close we have our occasional moments too.. I supose its a kind of grieving process you go through when they go off like that.. Double whammy dealing with coming to the end of your reproductive life at the same time :-(
Lovely you are going to have a grandchild tho, to live vicariously through maybe and then hand back lol.
I still find it shocking that i,ll never have another kid even tho thats absaloutely the last thing on the face of the earth i want!x
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i feel hollow and hopeless at times.circumstances in my life are still very tricky as am waiting for a move date,had to sell house for financial reasons. …….. is the 'boy' moving with you or is it time that he moved on? If your son is 'off the rails', is it because he sees the 'boy' as a threat? What support is your son getting? Moving is stressful for most people so he may feel that he is being moved against his will ………. is there a Counsellor in School that he could talk issues through with?
it seems the weaker i feel, the more he wants to put the boot in and make life even more,of a struggle.
………. time to take some action here?
i feel ive been a single parent on and off for 23 years and im fed up with it.
parenting is hard work. What support do you get from family in general?
Why are you unable to take HRT? As for anti-depressant medication, modern medicines are unlikely to be addictive! Some may need weaning off to that the brain does go into panic [as mine did but I survived ::) ]. Menopause is 'natural' but sometimes the hormone levels need tweaking a bit …….. even to the point of regular exercise, healthy eating, taking 'me' time!
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Thankyou Dg,i love your advice, always very kind and understanding.i am defo leaving the hrt for now and will try the natural aproach for now. You may well be right about too strong. I wont rule it out completely as never say never but for now i,ll leave it, i think its great for alot of women and thats really good,.x
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Hello ckld how,are you,?i hope all is well.
I have had several blood tests that always come back normal i find this completely bizzare.on the one hand reassuring, on the other just weird.
I agree with you, it is not normal to keep being ill, just yesterday i had some other thing that left me sitting on the toilet all day and half the night.
It is constant ckld and has been this way for over 14 months r.i have had about 4 months put of that time all in all without a cold, or flu or sick bug. I can pin point when it started, i had 3 viruses in sucsession when i was working in a care home. (place was filthy)then i had a complete burn out after that and could barely function.then all blood tests were "normal"as usual lol exept for. Fsh of 17.2 was told it was all stress,and meno related.i havnt been right since then x
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>wave< stress can trigger the bowel. It's the first part of the human body to react >:( bu..er it :(.
Has your GP asked for a pooh sample to be sent to the Lab. in case your bowel is harbouring a 'bug'? Also, thyroid function tests can be returned 'within normal limits' but the thyroid still needs treatment. Would an endocrinologist be the dept to go to for further advice - sure someone will be along if that's not right ::)
Feeling cold constantly ……… awful. But there is always a reason! Firstly get another layer of clothing on and go for a brisk walk! Drink plenty of hot fluids. Porridge (yuk) is slow release so will fuel the body appropriately. It's OK eating but 1 has to eat the 'correct' food stuffs in order to fuel/heat/nourish ! (apparently)
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Ps, we are only moving round the corner, he is fine with it.. We are all stressed waiting for a date.. Yes hes coming and so is my daughter as she cant afford to live on her own, as for going his own way he is only 15 nearly 16 and refuses to feed himself anything other than frozen pizza let alone look after himself.he is not uneducated about nutrition, its more a rebellion thing as im always nagging both of them about how important nutrition is.
As for support, ive never had any with my kids... Ever.. my mother died when i was 19 and pregnamt with my daughter, she wouldnt have been any use anyway as we didnt get on.
Daughters dad is dead, sons dads,going the same way, my dad has his own family and lives,a long way away.ive always done everything on my own completely.
Its been a massive struggle x
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Haha i dont know what thay poo thing was! If i juiced something dodgy or what? I was on omeprozole a while ago for. Severe indigestion, gastritis or whatever it was (agony)
Your idea about endo is interesting.. I often wonder about adrenal fatigue, it would make complete sense.
Yes you are right about the thyroid tests but how do you get the gps to do extra tests they dont want to spend momey on?i juat feel like a complete nuisance, i know they are getting complwtely fed up with me
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I love exersise too but it doent seem to help, infact sometimes makes me feel worse?ive always been very fit and strong, not now.. Its like walking through mud.
Porridge.. That woukd be a form of torture to me but ;D :D ;D ;D thankyou ckld x
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Hello again tabbycat.
I've just been reading through this thread and I can see that you are getting a lot of support from the ladies on the forum. I just wanted to add that although I had no problems with my daughter my son was a nightmare at 15/16. I was regularly called horrible names and he would often slam the same door several times just for effect. Fortunately my meno hadn't started so I was able to count to ten, laugh it off or put it down to hormones ( which of course is true ). I would certainly struggle to tolerate any of that now as I am basically a nervous wreck. I'm telling you this because my son is now 22 and a fine young man (though I say so myself) and we get on well. I heard an endocrinologist say that for young males puberty is a kind of testosterone poisoning and it sends them a bit wild for a time!
I think menopause and teenagers are a volatile mix and we have to ride the hormonal storms as best we can.
Sorry I can't be of more help but I wanted you to know I have some idea of your situation and I'm sure your son will settle down in time.
Sending hugs and best wishes to you.
K.
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If you have been a single parent then the children have had no one else to kick against. You have given them the basis of how to keep well with good nutrition so stop; now; don't nag ;) - don't give them any excuses to be rude. New house, new rules ;). Laundry - unless it's in the wash basket, it doesn't get done. Do you eat at the same time?
Perhaps they would cook once a week either as siblings or one evening each? That way your son may stop eating pizza …… the appeal may well wane if you aren't mentioning what he ought to be eating ;D.
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Hi tabbycat
I'm just catching up too and would like to echo what Kathleen said! I was relieved to read that your son was only 15/16! Being horrible is so normal!! yes - all that testosterone, hate and rebellion. I've got 3 boys youngest now 21 and they're all lovely and well balanced but some went through difficult times when teenagers. Slamming doors, losing tempers, breaking things. Eldest son would smash things (his own things) in his bedroom eg crash his hand down onto his computer or some other electrical things and they would break - he would have to pay to replace them of course. He was terribly moody and of couse would try things on - swearing, drugs etc. I won't go into everything on here but we had to be really firm. Of course he doesn't really hate you but that's all part of learning to be an individual, and adult and their own person. Just keep the ground rules firm and unfortunately sanctions maybe needed for extreme behaviours - we had to resort to these eg cutting money we gave them, access to cars (when old enough) etc. You wouldn't think so now and they all love coming home.
As the others said you need to concentrate on yourself and explain to him how you feel and ask for his help in understanding. Did I read that you said you do everything for him? If so - definitely time to train him to do stuff for himself especially as he is getting older. Mine would change their own sheets from young age, had them doing their ironing ( or not if they couldn't be bothered) by 16 ( except for their school uniform). Goes without saying they cleaned and tidied their own rooms ( or not - I wouldn't do it for them when teenagers). When they were younger their pocket money/allowance was dependent on rooms being done as well as weekly and daily chores they shared. eg clearing table, washing up, loading dishwasher + often one other job at weekends I would ask them to do.
re the HRT I would agree with Dancinggirl that it is difficult to get the right balance when you are peri-menopausal and especially when you are still having regular periods. Once you know what your periods are doing maybe you might try again. I had an idea that women in peri with regular periods who are not progesterone intolerant might actually benefit form ultra low dose Femoston which is a continuous combined HRT - but no-one prescribes this as it's meant for post-meno. My theory would be that it stops the extreme fluctuations and prevents the drop in oestrogen (and the extreme progesterone withdrawal) but would not be so high that you would get severe side effects. Just a thought.
I agree with the others that you should persist in getting checked out as to why you keep getting bugs and are so run down. Sounds like you are doing all the right things re diet and general health. Are you getting plenty of exercise - walking in the fresh air even? Can't remember if you said that or not?
Re the thyroid tests - do you have the actual readings? Some women apparently have normal result but still get symptoms - sub-clinical hypothyroid I think it's called. Might be worth getting consultation from endocrinologuist although not sure if you would get a referral if bloods were normal. Try to find out the readings.
Also sending a hug too :hug: - sounds like you're having a rough time but you'll get through it little by little.
Hurdity x
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Kathleen, you are a huge help.. Thankyou i mean that, and yes everyone is extremely supportive here i am very grateful. I feel slightly tearful reading everyones replies.not a huge crier but feel the emotions deeply.
Thats heart warming to hear you and your son have come out the other side.and its really helpful being reminded that my boy is just going through his thing.. Exactly as you said, going through this other stuff makes it so much harder to bat off ad i would have been much calmer otherwise but i just feel frazzled these days.
I just want him to be happy i want us all to be happy.x
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You can't control his happiness. We all have the ability to upset others, we can help people to be happy but we can't control the end result ;)
What support does your son have in School? I so remember the anger I had, partly a learnt pattern :-\ anger which took me until my late 20s to begin to manage. Even now I am able to explode :-X …….. so banging cushions, slamming doors, throwing stuff though nothing precious: the last time I threw something at DH was a wet dish-cloth - he wrung it out on the kitchen floor and threw it back ………. left me with a wet floor ……
Your son is trying to be an adult but has conflicting hormonal feelings, he's too old for a 'there there' cuddle but probably needs reassurance. Sit down and ask him what he requires in his Life right now? don't make promises but knowing is half the battle ;-)
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Oh ckld, thankyou so much.. You have echod exactly what ive already said to both of them.. Yes there will be new rules.. There,has to be as i cant run around after them anymore.. We always used to eat togeather every evening and ive always cooked but my daughter works and isnt around much and my boy is out and about with his mates...in any case, after being told on a repeated basis, uhhh i hate this.. Ughhh i dont want it.. Ughhh theres,never anything decent to eat (meaning crisps pizza burger) ;D you lose the will to live let alone cook! In the new house, there is a nicer kitchen.. thats not freezing cold and with a working oven ;D thanks for inspiring me and reminding me to try and have dinner togeather once a week xx
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Little steps. It's easy to lose the way when there's constant bickering.
Maybe shop ahead and post a list on the kitchen as to what you plan to cook? that way your son can either join in with the cooking, or bring back what he fancies so that you eat together at a set-time: no nagging about it being healthy, he's hungry probably so wants instant filling up! Does he bring his mates home to eat, maybe sharing the kitchen with lads will enable you to sit back and watch interaction. Do their families cook/eat together? My husband learnt to cook at age 9 ;) …… large pans of stew, curries which can be eaten hot one day and cold the next; slow cooker?
If you can, make sure that there is plenty of fruit available …….. there are plenty of healthy sports bars too that have long use-by dates ;). Washing up together so that you can chat?
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And you are,so right.. I know i cant control his happiness.. I guess ive depended on my kids too much in a way because they are really all i have thats mine if that makes sense.being adopted they are my only flesh and blood.its about me letting go as much as them.. Very tough and lol at your temper..me too.its not very often but jesus when it comes.. . would be funny if it wasnt so scary :o
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So you were adopted? Another story ……… ;) ……… oh I'm so nosey ;D
He's old enough to sit down with and ask the questions. New house etc.. 'I'm doing my best but how can I improve now that we have moved?'
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Yes theres always fruit lol and other healthy stuff but he has a phobia ;D hes always had his mates round but since hes,started smoking copious amounts of weed, i dont really want them here and plus hes lost most of his other friends. He uaed to be majorly popular, always surrounded by kids..its a bit heartbreaking
I think thats a GREAT idea letting him choose something to cook, and i will definitley do that one. he loves,a good roast so will get him to do that on a sunday maybe when we,are all off work. I feel so much better juat having your advice.. Rediculas how apathetic ive become really.ps your hubby sounds like a star lol x
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Yes i was,adopted and the woman who adopted me was very screwed up and couldnt love me .i was on an at risk register by the age of 5. Bought up in a very violent household with hwr boyfriend, alcohol and drug problems..etc. It was a mess,.im a bit of a damaged soul really.but i love my kids more,than life itself and really done my best to get it better for them. Im not perfect whatsoever but they are loved dearly..and they do know that atleast. X
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Did you see my (long) post? I think you were probably replying at the time and things have moved on. Do read about my sons! I had the weed problem too with mine. I definitely would not have them doing it in the house and be up front about it! I banned my son from seeing one particular friend who would steal his mum's weed! He would come home mod week all glassy eyed and then go to school the next day. He was getting really paranoid and his school work was suffering. I also cut his money because I wasn't going to subsidise that. he was about the same age. He is lovely now and 27!!
Hurdity x
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You know your background. You know your weaknesses. You are building upon your strengths :medal: …….. we can tend to parent as we were parented but you have moved away from that having seen how destructive it can be.
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Hi there, so sorry you are in a difficult place right now. I was just wanting to echo other comments about thyroid issues. My thyroid is teetering on under active although my bloods tests are in the normal range. I've come to accept that my hormones depleting is putting extra stress on my thyroid and stress coping symptoms. It's not much help to recognise this in some ways, as I don't believe there is a quick fix but DancingGirls advice to continue to focus on diet, as you have been, consciously trying to relax and being kind to yourself is a foundation to build that will help. The supplements as well, b vitamins to support your stress response and google foods that help the thyroid. Breakfast is the most important meal to get metabolism going, a protein shake of some kind will help your system get going. Take care x
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Hurdity!:-) are you kitted out and ready for glasto?? And how,are you? :-)
Oh youve been through it all too! yep in the space of a week he broke a phone ide given him and a very good computer that was only a few months old (the cat knocked it off the side of course, and the phone screen smashed "in his pocket") ;D ;D ;D
Its odd, tho i think i find ot more intimidating because hes a young man, and hes taller than me (not difficult)im not a wall flower by any means but i think when you feel weak its a bit harder to deal with.. I think thats whats driving me mad, is that ive always talked with him and he has with me too.. Ive explained whats,going on and how the situatuon is making me feel.. He also knows he can talk to me about anything if he really needs to .. I juat cant cope with the abuse and critisism and i feel im done with trying to communicate with someone who hs basically shit down and shut me out.
I agree with you too re hrt and the bugs, viruses.. I just feel at a liss when the doctorrs keep telling me im "normal" lol i wonder sometimes if its the damp cold house.. There is a slight mould issue here..i just dont know. It becomes obsessional searching for answers.being told theres nothing wrong with you but barely functioning.it makes me feel guilty or like im making things up or attention seeking.i am neither.i thrive on being well.it serves absaloutely no purpose for me to be so unwell all the time.its not like anyones gonna come and rescue me or that i have anyone running around after me when im ill. Not that i Would ever want that anyway, infact is,really the opposite the kids give me extra grief when im on the floor ;D
Yes i did have actual readings, i think T4 was very liw like 1.1 or something like that but obviously well within "normal" ;D love that word!
You are lovely thankyou for all your feedback as always hurdity x
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AAAHHH weed - may well be the basis of his anger. He is aware that he shouldn't so it makes him angry with himself, also he is aware that it's cool to be in a 'group' but he's chosen the wrong one. I suggest that you contact a support group for drug abuse to get advice, sooner rather than later. Maybe an ex-user could go into School and give The Talk! certainly Head of School should be made aware that he is smoking it.
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Hurdity yes i did see your post.. Very reassuring to hear how lovely your son is now.. Very very!so easy to feel all is lost doom and gloom.. The weed thing is a nightmare, weve had so many conversations about it, weve even laughed togeather about how bloody boring it is and how paranoid it makes you.. obviously ive had my time with it before now.. I tell him that any drug that becomes,a lifestyle chouce and not an occasional recreation is a problem.no matter what it is herb or chemical.there is a big part of him that doesnt even want to smoke it as hes told me.but i think he fees theres nithing else at the moment.he has been out of school for the last few months due to an attendance rate of 50 percent, bunking off while i was trying to work.ive been fined 600 quid and told i will go to prison if i dont pay it...im not going to pay it. The goverment instist i work, so i cant be there to tend to my son during hiws most turbulent years and to make sure hes at school (im happy to work but just making a point) so then send baillifs round to my door and take me to court for him bunking off.. In spite of me going to the school and asking for help several times they juat penalised me /us instead.
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Ckld, he is under a support worker for drug issues in adolescents, he has also just had a cafs? Report done, he is going back to school shortly so that he can acsess other support and hopefully go to college, which would suit him better than school x
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Hello bright light thankyou for your comments, it really seems weird this thyroid testing issue?how do you find out that you have a problem if all tests come back normal?? I know that my biological mother has a thyroid issue and had to fight jard to get it diagnosed apparantly..
I do also take iron and b vitamins in liquid form, and yes also really revised my diet eating loads of nuts and seeds like flax and eating regularly now.plus cut out alot of carbs and upped the protien..we will see what time brings x
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That's terrible. Have you spoken to your son about the fine. He could get a Saturday job to help pay it off, a milk round or a paper round. If you went to prison he would be taken into care....does he realise this.
As for eating pizza all the time....don't buy it....but it won't do him any harm.
Have you looked at colleges for him when he turns 16, maybe a practical course if he is not interested in the academic side.
Like Hurdity I had real problems with my son. In his teens and then in his early 20s. He started his own business against our advice and then a year later went spectacularly bankrupt.
He is now almost 26 got a great job and his own flat and actually wants to spend time with us...
As for smoking.....report him. A warning from the police would do him no harm at all and maybe even frighten him into getting his act together.
Don't give up on him.....I often used to tell me son that I hated his behaviour (and it was awful) but I loved him. He was never in any doubt over that......the two things were ver clearly separate, and I did hate his behaviour, he made my life miserable for quite a while.
Honeybun
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Hi honey bun.. I hope you are well?
Yes it is terrible i feel really angry and resentful about it (not healthy i know) lol he doesnt seem to care about me dealing with his fine.. Its not his problem, and even if he does, i dont think he feels capeable of changing anything.his confidence is rock bottom he has zero self asteem left.he had a stressful relationship way too young and then started on the weed its been a steady decline from there.i got him on work experience for a,while working with kids in a nursury.. Hes very empathic so he thought he would like it but of course he gave up on that after a few months.he is juat a lost soul at tge momemt and very angry.you are right about not buying it, i guess i just worry he wont eat anything at all ever!you kniw,how us mums just want our kids to be fed and them eating is part of nurturing them.
It really seems like ive done nothing with him but thats not the case, he knows how to cook.. He knows,how to do things he just....... Wont.he will starve himself all day untill i cook him something, simply because he cant be assed to make himself something.like i said, its liike a defiance thing, he knows how to press my buttons.
As for reprting him its not really my style but i get what you are saying.
Another encouraging thing to hear your son also came through those years and is in a good place.
My boy has always been very popular and bright and happy..i know hes still in there somewhere. X
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Hello bright light thankyou for your comments, it really seems weird this thyroid testing issue?how do you find out that you have a problem if all tests come back normal?? I know that my biological mother has a thyroid issue and had to fight jard to get it diagnosed apparantly..
I do also take iron and b vitamins in liquid form, and yes also really revised my diet eating loads of nuts and seeds like flax and eating regularly now.plus cut out alot of carbs and upped the protien..we will see what time brings x
It's a hot potato topic and there are many things to read about what a 'normal' range is - basically the NHS won't treat unless the blood tests go out of the range they set :(
I am convinced that long term stress influences all these things and my go to remedy is to try and slow down, stay calm and address any stress that you can - easier said than done.
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We make choices and not always what our parents/friends/relatives expect of us or agree with.
Do contact a drug support group and ask them to liaise with the Head teachers in your area …………. peer talking to peers often makes more sense than the same information being put to them from an adult, particularly one 'in authority'!
Would your son make pizza at home or add more healthy toppings to ones bought ? Certainly Pizza Express do really good choices, there are pasta options too.
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I agree brightlight. There are alsorts of rediculas ranges set by medics ferratin being one of them 8 - 150????? Lol i was virtualy dead at 7. And not much better at 47!
I think when you are not getting any answers,all you can do is try to be your own doctor. I truly believe "almost "all illnesess stem from deficiencies of some sort.i am coming more to this conclusion the more i look into it.i believe most of us are deficient in some area. We need to tackle the root cause and gps need educating about that too, but then theres no money to be made in prescribing vitamins is there.
Apparantly asian women (in asia)dont even experience menopause "symptoms" why?
Im sorry but i just dont believe meno should have to be such a painful,unbearable thing to be endured or medicated.and i think there are probably underlying reasons why some of us are suffering more than than others.x
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I agree ckld. I know im not the right person anymore and he needs someone else to turn to other than me, obvs he cant go to his dad.
We dont have a working oven unfortunately..he would possibly cook something if we did and yeah we used to make pizzas from scratch when he was younger,he enjoyed it but finds it hard to concentrate on things.
He has a,support worker, although where he is is anyones guess!he is a guy from a young persons,drug and alcohol organisation.i cslled today, and the ed welfare but surprisingly they have bothe dropped off the radar.lol x
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That's not good enough that you are unable to contact anyone for advice. So contact Samaritans or a Gay Helpline for advice? Most of these support lines have phone numbers and advice for numerous situations ;)
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No it wasnt advice needed its,my sons,support worker and education welfare officer who are supposed to be having contact with us both regularly.i had to hassle for ages to get a cefs report done on him and so am waiting to hear back from that..lije i said no answer and no calls back from my messages.. Useless.. .my son isnt gay lol though i wouldnt care.. Would be grateful for the free hair cuts ;D thankyou for all your advice ckld and everyone else youve all been amazingly helpful today and its massively appreciated.xx
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I get dreadful palpitations when my estrogen goes too high so it could well have been the hrt!
I am completely sure your son doesn't hate your guts - teenagers and hormones - a terrible combination. I went through hell with my oldest daughter and thought we would never get through it. Now she's through it all she's just so lovely. Steer clear of me as much as you can and wait for them to come out the other side. Xx
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Suzi q, yes that doesnt surprise me.they are so disconcerting arnt they.especialy if you have other symptoms aswell, like weekness, dizziness etc.ive had ectopics for years and they never bothered me too much but that was off the scale.
I do believe personaly it was the hrt, i just cant really equate it anything else.
I am definitely taking yours and others advice here, and detaching from him.he can tell as hes actimg a bit different already.has stopped asking me for things which is miraculas as he nags me relentlessly.i am not budging on that one.if he wants to be independant he has to leaen to fend for himself and cant go through life taking, expecting and being disrespectful especialy towards women.we all want our sons to be good men, and particularly men who know how to respect the females in their lives.i know its been hard for him being surrounded and hen pecked by two very strong fiesty women, and i know he has found his voice is exerting himself and standing up for himself against us.. That, i respect and understand but insulting comments, sneering and bullying me isnt acceptable at all.so i have to help him find another way to express himself.im sure we will talk this all through when the dust settles a bit.
Its been so helpful to hear everyones experiences here, i feel much much calmer about it all and much more hopeful.cant express how much yesterday helped talking to you guys.absaloutely amazing thankyou.xx
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Distancing yourself from him will help you both. It's very difficult but the best thing I ever did was to keep my mouth shut. My son was older than yours when he gave us problems, so the rules were a bit different....ie....Don't come in drunk...EVER. He had to tell us if he wasn't coming home.
After that I did not comment at all. Basically I just ignored his behaviour and eventually he gave up as he got no reaction at all.
Your lovely boy is in there, he will return, the vast majority of them do.
Now mine has a good degree, a good job and is back to being his mum's golden boy ::)
In a few years you will be able to look back and maybe not laugh but just be glad he grew up.
Take care.
Honeyb
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Lovely to hear that honeybun :-) and i think you are right.i do think a bit of tough love is whats needed at the moment,for him but also for my own survival! ;D
And yeah hes always been extremely lovely, everyone who meets him says so.
Respect to you and every woman dealing with teenage boys! Especialy when we have so much to deal with ourselves.
Xxx
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Re thyroid, get a thermometer and take your temperature on waking every morning before getting out of bed. do this for 10 days , if its consistently below normal then that indicates a thyroid problem, mine was 34 degrees , its now 36 , :)
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:thankyou: would a GP believe the readings though ::)
As for 'being gay', 1 doesn't have to be anything in order to contact support groups for advice ;)
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Thankyou winterrose i will definitley try that.. Like ckld said tho, would a doctor believe me? 😒
Hi ckld haha surely if i phoned a gay help line thwy would assume i needed advice about being gay?
Luckily my sons support worker finally showed up today and has taken him out and had a chat with him.
Has come back a bit happier.x
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Why would they be judgemental? However ……… I hope that the Support Worker was apologetic after all, that's what he's being paid to be :beat:
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This is very true. They shouldnt be..and yes totally agree, thwt is what the are paid for. But you have to fight for everything these days.. And if you dont shout loud enough.. Well then you just fall through the net.its all very stressful :-/ x
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It's the same for most situations, my friend had similar problems in the 1970s to get support for her autistic child, the Statement gave suggestions but the LA wouldn't take them on board :'(
:bang: :bang: :bang:
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Trying to get a child statemented is a nightmare, and even then you still have to fight constantly to get them the help they need and deserve.
The system is completely topsy turvey these kids, the ones who dont get the help they need often end up iff the rails, with drug problems and or in prisons and dc,s. This costs the state god knows how many millions or billions in the long term.all things that could be prevented with the right guidance.
Parents are exhausted by the pressures of life, and many dont know how to fight so the kid just falls through the net as i said.its disgusting.
I believe that my son may well be dyslexic but unless i pay for a test myself which costs hundreds, we probably wont find out.x
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Why do you have to pay? Surely there is a 'society' for Dylexic diagnosis?
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Hey suzi :-) thank you for replying.. :-) The palps were horrendous, ive always had them and they never bothered me at all untill then, i felt like i had elephants running around in my chest lall day every day.. Very disconcerting.were /are yours like that too?if so i feel for you!
Whats btests suzi?is that b12? I think mine are ok now but used to be very low.
Thankyou re my son, I just see him slipping, no, hurtling down that slippery slope and it makes me angry that tjhere seems to be nothing i can do.i am not the right person to help him anymore as he hates my guts and just doesnt want to listen to me at all :-( any suggestiions i make are just discarded and i am all the ***** under the sun at the moment.
Oh and re the palps i took the patch off about three weeks ago and they have been on the decline since then, everything feels virtualy back to normal now bar the occasional gentle flutter.x
They put me on Inderal 40mg I took one and the skippies went but I felt dreadful
So I cut it in half and stopped but still felt hmmm took 1/4 and although it took longer to ease I felt better
If its bad I do take a small half for a day or so then cut back to 1/4 till it goes mine are like attacks
I dont use Betas maybe more than 6 weeks in a year and not all at once I took a 1/4 the other day skippies went
Havent taken another? Though today my pal was off weird argumentative picky and with in hours I knew
Id be bad tomorrow but I will wait see how I am. Its all stress Bobbles is stressed at work hes also doing engineering now as well as International sales and marketing they are pissed hes taking a month off from a week on GTuesday but for the last 9mnths theyve been paying all managment 4 days pay or 5 days work they
Bloody owe us imagine how many people would take a 20% drop in wages yet still do the same job
Now the Firms enginneres retirred did they give Bobbles back his wage using the retired guys wage they dont have to pay NOPE and not only that BUT theyve put him in charge of th Factory too now and engineering
All for 4 days pay which affects the companies super contribution wages and holiday pay IMO they are taking the
PREVERBIAL XXXXXXXXXXXxxxxx
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Hey suzy, yeah that sounds like a nightmare, i wonder what the system is like over there'do you have nhs type thing or is it like the states?
Is bobbles your hubby?lol i agree that stress has a MAJOR part to play in things and is quite incredable the effect it has directly on our bodies, especialy financial stress for some reason.
Mainly all of the stress ive been dealing with the the last couple of years has been severe financial pressure and ive never been so sick because of it.i truly believe that prolonged relentless stress depletes the body not only of vital nutrients but hormones too.i believe strongly that i had been beggining to burn out for some time before i was diagnosed peri and that this is what triggered it.theres absaloutely no doubt in my mind about that.
Things are extremely difficult with austerity for most working people.people are actually bloody killing themselves here, its horrendous.
Do you think things will get better for you? I hope so x
The doctor tried to get me to take a beta blocker, but i refused saying i wont take anything untill i kniw whats wrong with my heart OR whats underlying .i had had several episodes of tachy a cpuple of years ago bought on by swimming, and then had two ecgs show a very minor prolonged qt which i was told not to worry about and to just get on with stuff (easy for them to say) no explaination, juat go away.then the relentless ectopics began.a few weeks ago. They were so powerful and relentless my chest felt sore! Anyway, i treated myself, took the hrt off(which by the way leaches minerals from the body) and upped my pottassium and calcium and magnesium amongst other things and within a week.. They were,starting to calm down.this,was,about 3 weeks ago and they are all but gone, just occasional and very very mild.
We have to be our own doctors suzi 😔 we really have to be our own doctors.xxx
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Ckld, i dont know,why you have to pay for a test, its just the way it is. It costs hundreds apparantly.my son shows classic signs, at 14 when i took him out of school he couldnt tell me the months of the year in order OR his alphabet!!he has also always struggled to read an analougue clock face.
All this the school never noticed??crazy....x
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Hey suzy, yeah that sounds like a nightmare, i wonder what the system is like over there'do you have nhs type thing or is it like the states?
Is bobbles your hubby?lol i agree that stress has a MAJOR part to play in things and is quite incredable the effect it has directly on our bodies, especialy financial stress for some reason.
Mainly all of the stress ive been dealing with the the last couple of years has been severe financial pressure and ive never been so sick because of it.i truly believe that prolonged relentless stress depletes the body not only of vital nutrients but hormones too.i believe strongly that i had been beggining to burn out for some time before i was diagnosed peri and that this is what triggered it.theres absaloutely no doubt in my mind about that.
Things are extremely difficult with austerity for most working people.people are actually bloody killing themselves here, its horrendous.
Do you think things will get better for you? I hope so x
The doctor tried to get me to take a beta blocker, but i refused saying i wont take anything untill i kniw whats wrong with my heart OR whats underlying .i had had several episodes of tachy a cpuple of years ago bought on by swimming, and then had two ecgs show a very minor prolonged qt which i was told not to worry about and to just get on with stuff (easy for them to say) no explaination, juat go away.then the relentless ectopics began.a few weeks ago. They were so powerful and relentless my chest felt sore! Anyway, i treated myself, took the hrt off(which by the way leaches minerals from the body) and upped my pottassium and calcium and magnesium amongst other things and within a week.. They were,starting to calm down.this,was,about 3 weeks ago and they are all but gone, just occasional and very very mild.
We have to be our own doctors suzi 😔 we really have to be our own doctors.xxx
Hi Tabby the ozz system is very different for one thing no such thing as testementing Parents with kids with disabilities of that kind are B....d unless they have Private medicine. It can cost 34.00 pounds just to see a GP
Theyve only JUST introduced disability pensions @they are tested by Gov Doctors Not by ur own.@means test
Its very low as is carer allowance. No special hospitals like Stoke Mandivile they dont exist. Things u dont even give one moments thought too dont exist here like Free scripts over 60 or poor people no free travel passes(Bus)
If u go to hospital its free just like home BUT we dont have walk in centres so its Casuality@no limmit on wait
Ozz is facing a huge problem the BABY BOOMERS or GREY ARMY they never thought to provide for them
Ozz govs of all kids live in the moment they very rarley plan for the future times 3 yrs in Gov not 5
So they are always in election mode and so never look to the future they dont want to upset anyone
Ozz is very much in some ways like USA the Health system is a bastadised form of UKs national health
You pay a % of your pay towards Medicare which is National health BUT if u need a Btest u have to pay $100ish
U will fill a form and get maybe $60 back but you have to pay upfront so we dont go to GPs anything like UK.
I know this by lots of people on here and my own family Im lucky if I go to see a GP more than twice a year
aS FOR YOUR heart stuff u are right if uve defo had heart probs to see someone BUT they probably would give you Betas to syncrinise the beats. I was terrified I woke up one morning and felt it and Bobbles (Geoffrey) listened and went asap rang GP up he put me on Betas that day before tests and with in 3 days they were gone
I was amazed so much so that GP said no tests we know whats causing it later on I had ECG and GP not mine said OH uve had a heart attack I rushed to hospital private and they did tests on the spot and said BOSH your hearts fine. Why cos in Ozz like anywhere u get dishonest poeple this GP charged the National health over $500 to do my test in his surgery. BUT u can imagine the fear I felt especially as my MUM had recently then died
Of a Stroke and heart attack IMO we do know our own bodies OK not better than GPS etc but we know when a thing doesnt feel right xxx
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Suzi that all sounds pretty terrible to be honest and how freeky for you about being told you had had a heart attack!i take it you hadnt actually had one'thats exactly what scares,me about doctors. They get things wrong...alot... They have with me several times over the years.i have very little fsith left sadly x
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My son is dyslexic, diagnosed at 8years old.
The school did all the testing that was necessary. When he got to secondary school he was reassessed by Learning Support and measures put in place to help. As I said before he eventually went to university so they can be helped. It's so unfortunate that this was not spotted in your son years before. He will be angry and frustrated at school. It's not too late if you get school on board now. My son even got extra help at uni....a special grant to buy equipment, extra time for exams, a scribe if he needed one. Colleges I would imagine do something very similar in the way of help. Can you call your sons school and ask if they will do the basic tests.
We did consider getting the private tests done but we're advised against it by school. They said it would give them little more information than they already had.
Your poor boy, it's amazing how many kids slip through unoticed, and they get very good at hiding the fact they are struggling academically by behaving badly and skipping school.
I really hope you can get something sorted for him before it's too late and he leaves school.
I had to fight long and hard for some of the help my son eventually got. If your prepared to do that then things hopefully will get easier for you both.
Let us know.
Honeybun
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Thankyou honeybun :)
What kinds of signs did your boy have? My son has no problem with reading at all. But his writing, grammer is juat really really bad. Also like i said, he has problems with the alphabet and months of the year even now at 15!I he gets them all muddled up. He can however go on the computer and mix music.. Really good music, which involves quite complex sequences and stuff.
He is not in school.. Unfortunately i took him out because of his truanting and me being repeatedly fined and bailliffs banging on my door, dispite my many meetings with the school.it was around the same time as i was beggining to burn out.and of course he was refusing to goi was trying to keep an extremely stressful job togeather also so i juat felt like i had no option.
He is however going back to school now so he will be able to access college and hopefully other support.as a home educated child he is intitled to absaloutely nothing. Hours on the phome to various authorities have proved that.
I completely agree with you about the frustration and lack of confidence and acting out and things.
Its encouraging that your son seems to be doing well now tho, but like you say.. You have to fight!
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My son is both word and number dyslexic. He could not learn times tables, he could not copy things down from a blackboard. He cannot to this day tell the time except on a digital clock. He can't read a timetable for a bus or train without a great deal of effort.
They teach them how. There are all sorts of techniques. Highlighting things, larger gaps between sentences. He always used a calculator in school as otherwise he could not count at all.
This was all a long time ago. My son is nearly 26 now so things will have moved on.
All I can say is that with the correct help he went to uni and got an honours degree in Computing Science.
He says his brain works differently from other people's, not less well just different.
Most dyslexics are really very clever at something. With your son it sounds like his music. With mine it was computing and physics . The real secret is to find the one or two things they are good at and encourage them towards that. The confidence in themselves then starts to grow.
I hope you can get some help for him.
Honeybun
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There definitley seems to be some similarities there doesnt there honeybun?my son is the same, can read a digital clock but not a clock face.i dont know about your boy, but mine has also always seemed slightly uncoordinated too and he really really struggles,with small fiddly tasks.he is quite shaky and seems a little disorientated in time,and space if that makes sense'dyspraxia?although he was very young to walk and ride,a bike no problem at all.i know that alot of dyslexics are highly intelligent, my dad is severely dyslexic but is a very skilled joiner who can create beautiful furniture and doesnt struggle with measurements and stuff yet cant spell my name.
I will be incredably pissed off it it turns out my boy has this issue as weve been through so much crap with the system, courts etc.believe me i will create merry hell!!
I agree with you completely about encouragement, and ive always encouraged him with his music.we sometimes mix stuff togeather as in i give him ideas, he creates it.. Lol that stuff looks like a foriegn language to me!
Thankyou so much for your feedback honeybun and i bet your well proud of your son.. You should be,i have friends who have been through it all with their kids and they are doing amazingly. i know what a struggle it is to get them the help they need :) x
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We were told to get my son into sport that needed hand eye co ordination. It really helped with his learning abilities. He struggled to ride a bike but walked at ten months. I also read that a high dose of fish oil supplements really help to so I got him on that too.
It was years and years of little steps.
Yes I am proud of him, he has done well but is still a little bit different from others. I think the nice way to put it is to say he is eccentric. My daughter just says he is nuts in a good way ;D
Don't give up, us mums generally find a way.
Honeybun
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Different is a good thing honeybun... X