Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => Personal Experiences => Topic started by: CLKD on March 07, 2015, 04:45:16 PM
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I vaguely remember feeling really restless from about age 10, in fact I no longer wanted to play with my Best Friend, I seem to have out-grown her over a few weeks :'( - I hope that I was OK and didn't let her know.
I was surviving in a dysfunctional household, to a degree I'm still working my way through all that! and I felt I had to defend myself a lot in School. So I was quite mouthy ……… or absolutely quiet as a mouse. Then I fell in LOVE :-* and learnt to give and take and that arguments weren't necessary to get what I wanted ……. oh I could SHOUT for England - I had a temper that could melt cheese :o
From about age 11 I felt that I had to fit in: probably true down the Ages during our teens ::) : once I was married and moved away to a new job I felt I had to accept all the invitations etc. whether it be work or socially ……. = HUGE anxiety. It was how Life was then, in a new place, finding new friends, new work placement, fitting in. I was prone to depression and my phobia became worse.
We moved ………. so called friendships drifted as they were 5 hours drive away and getting on almost in a parallel Universe ::) so I was slow to make friends here. Some came and went, others stayed ………. but as I have said several times, when anxiety and depression hit many walked away. During this time I began to learn more about my temperament ……… I realised that I didn't have to tell family everything that we were doing or planning to do ::) ……. that my medical history is between my GP/Surgeon/Me/DH ;)
SO: by 1990 I decided that we didn't have to go to BarBQs, evening meals, have people back here …. at least I was finding out who I am. I now longer needed to justify what I was thinking, where I was going etc.; and now I don't take any c*** ;D. I say what I think and don't accept invitations …….. a lot of the latter due to panic attacks and now I won't justify, a 'no' has to be enough ;). I still shout sometimes but generally know what triggers the temper ……..
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My you have been through the mill!
However you are still here albeit a bit battered ;) That's what makes you who you are though,that's how I see it,and real,true friends are the ones still by your side. I have two only both from school days and one is in the same boat as us all suffering with menopause and trying to get her new hrt sorting. That's sometimes very difficult for us too keep each up when we both bad,think we come out in sympathy with each other like some friends cycles synchronise !
And you have a lovely sounding best friend in your hubby xx
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My day in moods would read simply:
After breakfast - felt irritated by daughter's irritation with me, on the phone
Middle of the day - felt depressed by what happened (above)
Middle of the afternoon - had an organ lesson that I didn't want to go to, after the above, and which didn't go very well
Later afternoon - went shopping and took half an hour to leave the car because I was feeling low
Even later - stopped at local chemist and bought some St. John's Wort
Even later - cup of tea and on here. :(