Menopause Matters Forum
General Discussion => This 'n' That => Topic started by: honeybun on February 26, 2015, 03:46:15 PM
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Just wondered who does what in everyone else's house.
I seem to do it all. Well in fact I do do it all ::)
I sort all the insurances, the bank accounts, savings, electricity and gas accounts. If anything get changed its me that does it. I do tell hubby and he listens....I think....sometimes reads stuff and then nods. If anyone calls the house he tells them his wife deals with that kind of thing.
It all started when he worked away. I dealt with everything as he just wasn't home enough and it has just carried on. I don't mind but what happens if I couldnt. He never even checks our bank account :o and I doubt he would know how to do it online.
He is perfectly capable but.... ::)
Anyone one else do what I do ?
Honeyb
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I can't add up or take away ::) nor will I cook!
SO: DH has always sorted our money. When he or our Financial Advisor tells me stuff I understand it ::). We have never spent outside our means and he has our daily spend on a spread-sheet as well as keeping an eye on the Stocks etc. that our FA has recommended: so far with success :bounce:
He also has a spread sheet for the house/car/life insurances. He has arranged for the various DDs for water/rates/electricity etc.. We have several money accounts and he advises me each month which account needs topping up from mine ……. we are well known in our Bank and they get a giggle, it could look as if he were 'advising' me to his benefit however ;D
He keeps an eye on the oil levels, we have a Watchman thingy plugged into the lounge and orders appropriately, having rung round to see 'best price'.
As for laundry: he hasn't yet familiarised himself with either the dishwasher, iron, ironing board, washing machine, laundry pegs ;D and the sink is mine: the rest of the kitchen and utensils are his ;)
We have always shopped together …… he keeps an eye on what is in the freezer/pantry and I keep an eye on cleaning/laundry stuff. Clothes we buy as required but he will frown if he doesn't like something I pick even when I like it ::) - but I have learned to listen to him …….
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Heck, where did I go wrong. ;D
Honeyb
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You didn't have a student who kept a keen eye on bargains in the shops ……… etc., etc., etc. ;)
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DH looks after all the financial stuff,Lecy,water,gas,insurance ( house & cars)
I look after the house and do all the grocery shopping.
DH even washes my car when it's dirty and cuts the lawn. Won't let me do it,thinks I'll mow over the lead ::) :-\
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;D …….. we dug up our lawns over 25 years ago ;) - not in case I ran over the lead though ……..
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Oh heck I really did blow it.
I really do think it's because hubby worked abroad so much for 25 years. I was like a single parent a good part of the time so I just had to do it, including cutting the grass and washing the car.
The kids memories of dad when they were small was arriving home on a Friday night with presents you couldn't get in this country and then leaving again on a Sunday....or being away for weeks on end with just phone calls.
I do find if the kids want something sorted they come to me because he was never there and that has spilled over into adulthood.
Honeybun
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In the early days mainly myself, sorting out insurance, budgets etc. Nowadays, I have control of housekeeping, booking of holidays, travel insurance. Hubby has taken over savings & house/car insurance. He's the one who understands our investments, way over my head. He occasionally drives me bonkers with it, much in the same way my mum did.
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Oh heck just re read that and it makes him sound like a rubbish dad and he was anything but.
He was away working really hard to provide a great life for us.
Honeyb
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Our's could do with a refurb.
There are lots of holes from when we had our dog.She had phases of digging them,usually in the winter when the nights drew in and you couldn't see her in the garden.
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We have never had a joint account - my money gets paid into mine and some of his gets paid into his and the rest gets paid into mine! He's responsible for the household bills such as gas electric water council tax and his car costs and I'm responsible for all of the food shopping, all of the insurances, Christmas comes out of my account (presents food etc) and I pay for all of the birthday presents etc. I pay all of my own car costs too. He does the garden as I absolutely detest it and never notice anything in it anyway apart from the birds and I do all of the housework because he never notices when anything needs doing. I don't understand how he can't see the dirty bathroom and he can't understand how I can go in and out of the house past the plant pots and not notice them dying through lack of water.
He does offer to wash my car as he hates to see it dirty but I don't let him much to his annoyance. I bought it in June and haven't cleaned it yet - I think it was a shiny black when I bought it... it looks like it has a life!
A friend recently lost her husband and had never so much as paid any bills at all - she had no idea where to start and has been left in a bit of an emotional mess as she was so used to him looking after her all of the time and it's difficult enough to cope with sudden grief let alone learning at the age of 59 to be independent. She even finds it difficult to fill the car with fuel. I would hate to be like that but it made him happy that she was so dependent (not in a controlling way but just in a feeling useful way I reckon). She always hoped that she would die first!
Honeybun I know exactly what you mean. It was the same here not due to being away but due to being a workaholic/golfaholic. Mind you he has said since that he wouldn't have been able to be like that if I hadn't been so independent so I reckon I was always like that. My own fault!!
Taz x
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You haven't washed your car since last June? Did I read that right? June?
Check your registration document, it might not have been black. :o
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;D ……… cleaning/washing vehicles is WAY down our list ;)
I would be in a muddle when DH dies :'( ……. I will hand everything to our FA and silver dealer …….
DH picks areas to go on holiday and I do the booking ……… we watch programmes on TV and say 'that would be nice' ;D
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I dontvreally think I would have it any other way. When my dad died my mother sank. She had not got a clue. I ended up at 19 running a house, learning and trying to teach her how. That was so wrong in every way. She was given housekeeping and ran the house...my dad did the rest.
I really would not like to be clueless over financial things.
Hubby would say he knows exactly what was going on and to a degree he does. I'm just more interested in getting the best deals on everything.
I think it's the worst idea ever for just one person to be in charge....we should all be able to do what is required.
Guess I was very independent too Taz....I had no other option, now I'm good at it.
I was the one who went after PPI compensation,.....got it...now going after mis selling of bank accounts and hopefully will get that too. Hubby sits back, lack of interest....not got a clue....all I know is we are better off due to my efforts.
Don't sit back ladies...I watched my mother flounder and it was not nice to see.
Honeyb
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We get bothered about different things - stuff I would pursue doesn't seem to bother Himself :'(
He could manage the laundry etc. if he had to ;)
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But could you manage the money CLKD ?
It's really important I think. You may not have to actually do it but we should all be prepared to take things on with confidence if we need to.
I never want to be so dependent on anyone that I couldn't do things for myself.
Honeyb
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We had our one and only argument about money when the boys were small. Up shot was husband said ,'if you can do better you do it,,'. I have ever since.
Strange thing is his job was as business analyist, and he often dealt with millions at work. However since retiring he struggles to get his head around online banking. He has no idea what things cost and nearly past out today when I bought printer ink and paper.
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I do everything in our house financially, we have everything in joint names and a separate bank account each. Every penny we earn goes into joint then I pay into our separate accounts each month, he dosent even know that exists! I deal with everything at home and work (self employed) tax vat etc. hubby gets pocket money each week. We met when we were 17 he moved in with us ( parents) and when he got his first job he just came home and gave me his wage! Has done ever since. He has great survival skills and always provides the goods, but just can't deal with financial stuff. I would hate not doing it. I even used to do financial lists for parents, I now do it for brother, sister, and one daughter, the other is like me and very organised. If anything happens to me he won't have a clue but my daughter will as I have run her through it all.x
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Honeybun I would be lost - but I have a good FA and a couple of friends I trust …..
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Learn CLKD....its really important to be able to deal with things yourself. Get hubby to teach you.
I have started taking my own advice and am making up a list to go over with hubby...he is going to learn and do his share. It's vital that he can manage on his own....
Honeyb
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I would know what to do if push came to shove. I'm glad hubby now does the big stuff, as I'd be lost. Insurances etc I could do, well I used to work in insurance many moons ago. However, our FA keeps us right.
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Looks like not only have we a MM Choir, we now have a Financial Services Dept. too ;)
A down-turn - why?
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Us Duracell bunnies can multi-task without batting an eyelid. ;)
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My DH sorts the finances, but I do the filing, so I have a pretty good idea what's what. I have never washed a car or mowed a lawn in my life. I am quite capable, but why do it if he's keen to. I clean the gutters, which is a gutty job seeing we are surrounded by trees. DH has learnt how to use the dish washer, but the washing machine? And the loo? It's funny how you tend to divide household chores, often without discussion. When I was ill, he stood in front of the washing machine scratching his head. It didn't occur to him to consult the manual!
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I do all the finances, hubby doesn't know anything about how the bills are paid and pays no attention to the bank accounts. The one thing he does do is the yearly tax return, with some help from me. The household chores are basically divided by inside and outside: I do all the inside including the cooking, and he does all the outside.
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Oh heck I really did blow it.
I really do think it's because hubby worked abroad so much for 25 years. I was like a single parent a good part of the time so I just had to do it, including cutting the grass and washing the car.
The kids memories of dad when they were small was arriving home on a Friday night with presents you couldn't get in this country and then leaving again on a Sunday....or being away for weeks on end with just phone calls.
I do find if the kids want something sorted they come to me because he was never there and that has spilled over into adulthood.
Honeybun
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You definitely haven't blown it. At least you will never be in the situation my mother found herself in when my father passed away. She was so clueless she didn't even know how to walk into a bank to draw out any money. As for paying bills - forget it. I had to be made POA for her and take over all her banking and bill paying, because she had no idea, and didn't have the capability or interest to learn.
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DDs reckon OH would live in a hovel if I wasn't around - he doesn't agree as he reckons he's quite capable of all things domestic if push comes to shove, his argument being that his efforts don't come up to my exacting standards (that's his excuse anyway ..... and he's right!!).
S x
Ditto! When push did come to a shove, he did rise to the occasion, and my standards went out of the window.
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I do it all in our house. I'd been living on my own for 4 years before my now-husband came over to live from Holland. Our way of doing things was just too confusing for him to get his head round and very archaic according to him compared to life in Holland so it just seemed easier for me to sort stuff out. We have our own accounts plus a joint one which he just uses for his travels (work). We have split some of the bills so that they now come out of his account as we sometimes need that sort of thing as proof of residence when he has to apply for visas to India or Saudi Arabia. He pays for all our food shopping (we do it together when he's here) and stuff if we go out but I'm also a signatory on his account, again for when he's out of the country. I'm sure he could do it if he had to but at the moment he wouldn't even know where some stuff is!
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I suppose that as I can't add up or take away even thought I got a 4 in my Accounts 'O' Level :o …….. I have no interest in learning how.
Thanks StellaJane - the way people lose money is to try to sell during the down-turn. My Mum went on and on and ::) in 2008 ……. but we were absolutely fine! At least I knew that much ;) …...