Menopause Matters Forum
General Discussion => This 'n' That => Topic started by: Briony on February 14, 2015, 10:25:49 AM
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I lost my beloved 12 year old cat this week. He was so special, a rescue cat who was my best friend. I adored him. It didn't help that it was my birthday too (and most people, unaware, sent cards with cats on). I just feel so lost and empty - I keep getting angry with people too. Friends and colleagues were sympathetic for a day, but now it's business as usual . Does the pain ever go? I know he was only an animal, but with no children and a partner who works away, he was so precious :'( xx
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Oh,Briony, I'm so sorry. :'(
I have 3 cats, 2 dogs and chickens.
We have lost 6 cats in total (including my childhood cats) and one dog, and I have felt the same over every one of them.
We have a 14 year old cat that we had from 8 weeks as an orphan kitten - he was hand reared, so thinks he is human. He follows us everywhere, doesn't really go out except to toilet, sits on the side if the bath when I'm in it, sleeps under the covers with me in bed, drinks water from a glass etc.
I dread to think how much we'll miss him when the time comes - he's a one-off and will leave a huge hole.
It's ok to feel grief when a treasured pet dies. It's a loss like any other, and shows how much that animal meant to you. Don't try to change how you feel - it will pass in time.xxx
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I have lost many pets ( members of the family to me) as well, 3 cats , 5 horses, 2 x rabbits , guniea pigs the list goes on and I promise the tears will turn to smiles in time. I have my beloved westie who is twelve this year and when it is time for him to go to doggy heaven belive me I will be a wreck.xxx
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Hi Briony,
So sorry to hear about your cat :hug:
I can totally understand how you're feeling. I lost my dog in June last year and I still miss her even now.
The pain is very raw to start with but,go with it and it will get easier,as I have found.
They are not just animals they are part of the family and the grieving is the same as if you lost a human loved one. X
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:hug: Briony. We lost our cat nearly a year ago, after 16 years, and you're quite right that it leaves a "hole" when they've gone. Thinking of you.
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Oh Briony so sorry :hug:
It's really hard. I lost my dog 14 yrs ago and was a wreck, sitting in a corner rocking, still so hard I miss her. A few months later my ex SIL got a little white kitten and decided after a few weeks she didn't want it and put it out in the streets! Her neighbour called me and I went straight over and took him, after causing a scene at her door but who cares how could she :'(
I love him to bits and he's now 13 and I just dread the day I have to let him go. I will never get another pet again because of how destroyed I feel at loosing them.
You just have to grieve you lost part of your family, whom you loved very much and I'm pretty sure he loved you very much, you gave him a good home and life.
Take care x
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So sorry to hear your sad news, Briony :hug: We've lost several cats over the years, its heartbreaking, I could still cry at any given moment for any of them. Take all the time you need to grieve, as others have said, pets are like members of the family, it can be very painful when they leave us. Take comfort with the thought that he had a lovely life with you for 12 years and was probably so happy to be so well looked after and loved.
Vianne x
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I do understand and thought this might help just a little
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....
Always makes me cry but is incredibly comforting.
Honeyb
X
Author unknown...
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:'( :'( :'( :'(
I am uncontrollable, that is absolutely beautiful. X
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Oh I'm sorry Milly. I didn't want to upset anyone :-\
Honeyb
X
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Oh no HB not in a bad way, hormones. ;D please don't feel you have upset me it is the most beautiful thing I have read in a long time. So much so...
I'm going to have to steal it, I want to copy and paste it, put a little rainbow bridge in and print it. Frame it. I just love it, although it makes me cry but a good release.
I've heard you ladies talking of rainbow bridge and now I've read it. Thank you x
Briony I think you will appreciate it too x
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Briony, I'm so sorry. I can only echo what everyone else has said. It hurts and it takes time to heal, let yourself grieve and don't try and move on too soon. People who don't have pets don't really understand how hard the loss is and that it takes longer than a day to come to terms with it.
Blue Cross has a pet bereavement service: http://www.bluecross.org.uk/2083/pet-bereavement-support-service.html (http://www.bluecross.org.uk/2083/pet-bereavement-support-service.html). I've never used - it didn't exist when my last cat died 14 years ago but I would have tried it if it had (I did read a really good book on the subject at the time and it helped a lot).
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"If it should be …… ………. "
It will be 13 years on 24th that my dog was pts and I ache. A day before our anniversary not that I realised until the following week. Not all the while but most days my stomach lurches with sorrow. I had to part with 3 cats and a dog over 22 months due to age and illness. I was absolutely worn out by the end of it.
Each parting leaves a gap, why wouldn't it, they are part of our daily routine - feeding, cleaning, cuddles etc..
It is absolutely OK to grieve!
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Sorry to hear about your dear pusscat Briony - I am a cat lover too and I think my husband even more so! We have had and lost quite a few over the years - but it always makes me sad.
Hurdity x
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Thank you to each and every one of you for such kind, compassionate words. You have made me cry a lot - but happy tears! It has been so hard putting on a brave face all week, with no one around me who understands. I am so grateful to you all. I shall fall asleep tonight thinking of the Rainbow Bridge xxxx
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It is good to let your tears fall. My heart goes out to you as I too have lost beautiful cats in the past. You never forget them
:hug: (http://:hug:) x x
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It's so sad when we lose our beloved animals but your cat knew it was loved by you. The pain does ease off after a while and you will remember your cat with smiles instead of tears but until then take as long as it takes......
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My little cat knew she was loved by me. I knew that, when I took her to the vet on that awful last day, a year ago, it was the only thing they could do for her. What I still feel upset about is the fact that I couldn't comfort her as she was being put down, so I wasn't with her right at the very end. I had to turn my back on her and not watch, while the vet comforted her. My poor, poor little cat. I deserted her right at her final moment of need and I find it soooo hard to accept what I did. I loved her but I just couldn't watch. :'( :'(
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Dulciana :'( :hug:
X
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Briony, so sorry to read about your cat. I found this for a friend who lost her cat recently. We cried together about our lost cats and she said it was so nice to talk to someone who understood because her husband said " it was just a cat"
MY FOREVER PET
There's something missing in my home,
I feel it day and night,
I know it will take time and strength
before things feel quite right.
But just for now, I need to mourn,
My heart -- it needs to mend.
Though some may say, "It's just a pet,"
I know I've lost a friend.
You've brought such laughter to my home,
and richness to my days.
A constant friend through joy or loss
with gentle, loving ways.
Companion, friend, and confidante,
A friend I won't forget.
You'll live forever in my heart,
My sweet, forever pet.
-- Susanne Taylor
Ariadne xx
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So sorry Briony. Don't be afraid to cry for your little cat. In time the happy memories will start to outweigh the grief.
So sorry for you too Dulciana, but please don't feel guilty you couldn't watch. She would have known you were near. Her pain went away and then she fell asleep knowing the person she loved most was nearby...not a bad way to go.
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Oh Dulciana, your post reminded me of my little cat who was put to sleep in 2010. She had stopped eating and the vet thought it was her teeth so planned to remove one and clean them all under anaesthetic. He said because of her age he would run tests first to check she could take the anaesthetic. He said she would be ready to collect at the end of the day.
Only two hours later he rang me at work to say tests revealed she was seriously ill with kidney failure and he had never seen such readings in a cat before. He said she couldnt be saved and he could either put her to sleep then or I could take her home to say goodbye and bring her back next day.
Well coward that I was, I asked him to do it straight away because I knew I couldn't bear to take her back in next day. Afterwards I was distraught picturing her alone without her "Mum" to comfort her but later I was able to think it through and realised that if she had had the planned dental work, it would have been an injection just the same and I wouldnt have been there then either.
Still makes me weep though. One small comfort was that the vet said that for her to have survived to that stage of kidney disease, she must have been so well loved and cared for.
Sorry to have rambled on- it all comes flooding back when I read about losing pets. :'(
Don't think of her last moments, think of all the good times. She was much loved and wouldn' t have known what was happening. She knew you were there. Just an injection like for many things at the vets. :hug:
Ariadne xx
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Ariadne, if she was that ill, the kindest thing was to have her put to sleep as soon as possible. So not cowardly at all to tell him to do it straight away, but the most loving thing you could do for your little cat. As you say, we are the only ones who know this injection is the final one...to our pets, it's just another of those annoying jabs they get at the vets.
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Oh Dulciana, your post reminded me of my little cat who was put to sleep in 2010. She had stopped eating and the vet thought it was her teeth so planned to remove one and clean them all under anaesthetic. He said because of her age he would run tests first to check she could take the anaesthetic. He said she would be ready to collect at the end of the day.
Only two hours later he rang me at work to say tests revealed she was seriously ill with kidney failure and he had never seen such readings in a cat before. He said she couldnt be saved and he could either put her to sleep then or I could take her home to say goodbye and bring her back next day.
Well coward that I was, I asked him to do it straight away because I knew I couldn't bear to take her back in next day. Afterwards I was distraught picturing her alone without her "Mum" to comfort her but later I was able to think it through and realised that if she had had the planned dental work, it would have been an injection just the same and I wouldnt have been there then either.
Still makes me weep though. One small comfort was that the vet said that for her to have survived to that stage of kidney disease, she must have been so well loved and cared for.
Sorry to have rambled on- it all comes flooding back when I read about losing pets. :'(
Don't think of her last moments, think of all the good times. She was much loved and wouldn' t have known what was happening. She knew you were there. Just an injection like for many things at the vets. :hug:
Ariadne xx
Thanks Ariadne.
D.
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Dulciana I so understand how you feel. I knew he was ill - he had been for a few weeks - but he'd had a scan and nothing found. I think the vet was beginning to think I was neurotic, but I knew he wasn't right and insisted they explored, regardless of the clean scan. I was working that day, so my partner took him in and, to survive the day, I just gave him his normal quick kiss, and left without making a fuss of him. Whatever the outcome, I expected to discuss it that evening (my birthday). When I got home my partner was in tears and said that they had called to say he had such a big tumour in him, it would have been cruel to bring him round as he probably would not have made it and would have been in pain if he did. I think the fact I wasn't there for him at the end hurts the most.
Thank you, again, to you all for your kind words of support. Today marks the week's anniversary and while I am suffering, it's not quite so intense. You've all really helped.
xxx
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Lovely poem. I still mourn my dear westies - I lost one called Dougal - he was my first dog - he was only 5, and later a westie called Daisy who was elderly when she passed but I miss her still - I still call my current westie Daisy sometimes by mistake and it cuts like a knife when I do - it does get easier, but you never forget *sniff*
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Our pets are OK at the end of Life. It's we that feel we 'deserted' them but in reality when they are ill, there responses shut down. So by the time they need to be pts their Soul has moved on …….. I could see that when the day came, the Vet looked at my spaniel and said 'she's ready'. Her soul had already gone ……… so although we feel guilty about turning away or not being there, the Vet and Team still show compassion and care: it's not a case of sticking a needle in without caring even if the owner is not present. I've seen how the Vets. work ;) ….. it is also a privilege to allow our pets to be pts to avoid further pain.
Briony - you gave your cat a kiss as you left, he was asleep when the Vet made the discovery ……… animals don't have a sense of 'time' like we do [apart from when they want feeding, or that next walk or ::) ]. I still feel guilty about one cat who jumped away from the Vet when he tried to find a vein in her leg :-\ ……… but it had to be done as she had cancer in her lower jaw and was pain free at that particular moment …… so I wanted it done before the pain relief stopped working.
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CLKD, you are so right about their responses shutting down. I had to say goodbye to a much loved donkey last year at the care farm where I work. On her last day, she was happy to see me at first and I stayed with her and gave her lots of cuddles. I'd been with her nearly 2 hours (the vet was delayed by an emergency and couldn't get there) when she turned and laid her head against my shoulder and then looked up at me and sighed. Then she stepped away and just seemed to withdraw - it's really hard to describe because she was still conscious, eyes open, standing up, but I knew 'she' had gone somewhere else and wasn't coming back. It was as though she'd said goodbye and then stepped through a gateway and closed the door after her. Up till then, she'd obviously wanted constant contact with me, but after that point, as long as she was treated kindly and quietly, I don't think it would have mattered who was there.
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Oh Dorothy that's lovely. I remember about 10 mins after I had phoned the Vet. to visit with the final needle, my cat gave a big sigh ……… like he knew.
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So sorry for the loss of your cat, Briony. Our first cat lived to age 18 and after he passed we went on to get three more. We just lost one of those today. With the first one it was a long-term illness, today it was sudden and unexpected. I've been upset all day, searching the internet for reasons it could have happened. Most likely thing I came up with was a heart attack.
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So sorry Rhubarb. It must have been a horrible shock for you, though I guess better for the cat's point of view to go quickly.
Dorothy x
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Rhubarb :hug:
Ariadne xx
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Rhubarb, I feel for you so much. Big hugs xxxxx
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Thank you so much for the hugs and sympathy. I did a lot of reading yesterday and found out cardiomyopathy is responsible for sudden death of seemingly healthy cats quite often. It helped to read comments from the many people who lost their cats that way. Still hard to grasp that she's gone though.
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Rhubarb - it is such a shock and filled with sadness.