Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => Personal Experiences => Topic started by: BrightLight on February 13, 2015, 01:10:48 AM
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My biggest challenge seems to be accepting I am in menopause - it has come out of the blue for me, all sorts of questions and changes have followed and it feels like a jigsaw puzzle that needs putting together again with a few changes.
I have been reading a lot of posts about anxiety and other adjustments to menopause and thought to share these words here and hope they are of use to some of you :) I found them on an Australian website and thought they might be a good reference point when I lost the thread of what is going on!
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Emotions
The hormonal changes during perimenopause and the time after menopause can cause emotions to change quite quickly. Emotions can swing from joy one moment to anger and irritability the next moment. Sometimes you may think you are feeling one thing when really it is a mask for another feeling. For example you may think you are angry when really you are sad about something. Often it is easier, or more acceptable, to display one emotion rather than the emotion you are really feeling.
It is important to pay attention to your emotions and consider how you are really feeling.
Menopause can be an emotional rollercoaster
Depression, anxiety & menopause
Hormonal changes may be a small part of the causes of the depressed mood and anxious feelings women often experience around the time they become menopausal.
Identifying what is a menopause symptom and what is ‘true' depression or anxiety can be confusing. Often anxiety symptoms get worse with menopause because of a heightened sensitivity to symptoms. What might start as a hot flush might lead on to an anxiety attack.
In turn, the symptoms of menopause, such as hot flushes and night sweats, can affect mood and make some women feel depressed. Many women kept awake at night because of night sweats find they are exhausted, can't think clearly and feel more negative because they have had little quality sleep.
Depression and depressed mood around the time of ‘natural' menopause (51-52 years in Australia) is more likely to occur because of factors other than menopause including:
* prior episodes of depression
* significant stress in your life
* a negative attitude to things happening in your life
* dissatisfaction with your relationships
* low self-esteem
* poor body image
* poor lifestyle such as little exercise or a high intake of alcohol[/li][/list]
Emotional health during menopause is also more likely to be influenced by previous experiences of prior traumatic events like past sexual abuse for example. Women often seek counselling at menopause and want to work through traumas they have previously experienced. This time of life seems to allow things to come to the surface.
Research suggests women who have a surgical menopause and/or an early menopause are more likely to experience a clinical depression than women who have a ‘natural' menopause. This seems to be caused by the more sudden change in hormones that come with a surgical menopause and it may also be related to the illness that caused the surgery in the first place such as a cancer diagnosis.
Reactions to menopause
Some women perceive menopause and midlife as stressful experiences. You may have a sense the person you once knew yourself to be before menopause, has changed. You may not be as sure of what to expect from your body or your emotions. What seemed like a body you could rely on and trust is now breaking out in a sweat at times you can't control and you don't know when to expect more changes.
How you react to menopause will depend on many things including:
*the type of menopause you have – whether it is ‘natural', expected and on time, early, as a result of surgery or chemotherapy
*your age
*your stage of life and whether you have done the things you wanted to like have children or all the children you wanted to have
*your mental health – whether you have been depressed or anxious in the past
*whether you have achieved the things you wanted to achieve – do you have an identity and purpose you are happy with?
*how you view your body and feel about the changes that are happening to you
*are you as healthy as you can be and taking care of yourself?
Sometimes it is hard to know if the hormonal changes of menopause impact on your life or if your life impacts on how you experience menopause.
Managing psychological symptoms
What to do?
If you are troubled by strong emotions ask yourself:
*What is the real cause of your feelings?
*What is the real feeling?
*Are you masking a feeling that you feel uncomfortable expressing?
When it comes to stress, try and identify and challenge the thoughts or inner voice that makes you feel stressed. It can be helpful to:
*identify what makes you feel stressed
*rate stressful situations out of ten
*remember it is okay to just accept you are feeling a particular way and you are not bad, silly or crazy for feeling that way
Sometimes if you don't waste energy fighting a feeling, you can feel better faster and calm down faster.
If you have been worrying about your mood, stress, emotions or body image there are also many other practical things you can do:
*Discuss your symptoms - This might be with a doctor, psychologist or a trusted friend or family member.
*Seek to understand the symptoms you are experiencing - Keep a diary – this can help you identify what is a menopausal symptom and what is more likely to be symptoms of anxiety and/or depression.
*Take time out for yourself and nurture yourself -So you have the emotional energy to do other things you need to do.
*Get quality rest if you can -Fatigue can make you more prone to anxiety and lowered mood.
* Get moving -Activity can help with mood as much as it can help with physical health.
*Recognise the things in your life that recharge you and ensure you do them regularly -A deep relaxing breath or a walk with a friend, making time for a chat with a friend, sitting in the park or in the garden, a movie, a relaxing bubble bath, facial or manicure, or making time to do whatever you want to do.
*Learn and practice relaxation - So you can reduce the impact of stress in your life.
*Think about your inner voice - What messages is it sending?
-If your inner voice is overly critical, or demands perfection, or is depressed or anxious you can feel bad about yourself
-Challenging the negative inner voice is important
-You might find positive affirmations can be helpful – such as “I can do thisâ€
-Come up with an affirmation that means something to you
*Do a regular emotional audit
-Is there an issue that's been on your mind?
-Do you have a plan to do something about it?
-What can you do and how might others assist you?
*Take time out to think about what's going on in your life and how you can best manage it.
*Are you suffering from a clinical depression or anxiety Check out the symptoms and seek help if you have been experiencing them for more than 2 weeks
* Think about your own role/s. Is there a good balance? - Women who have a role or a number of roles that they feel good about, have less menopause symptoms and are more satisfied with their lives.
Self management techniques
There are techniques which can be successful in helping to deal with depression, anxiety, stress and poor body image
Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)
CBT involves recognising the unhelpful thoughts that influence depression and anxiety, replacing them with more helpful thoughts and using relaxation and breathing techniques to reduce the impact of the physical symptoms of anxiety. Recent research suggests that CBT can be used effectively to help manage hot flushes. For more information on CBT go to anxiety.jeanhailes.org.
Relaxation
Relaxation is a skill that needs to be learned. There are different techniques that can help you to relax and knowing the one that suits you is best. For more information on relaxation go to anxiety.jeanhailes.org.au
Mindfulness
Mindfulness training teaches you to focus on the present moment and not get so caught up in your thinking. It is also important to reduce stressors as this can set off anxiety and depression. Mindfulness is a technique that can be learned and incorporated into your daily life to help manage anxiety and improve your wellbeing.
Other therapies
Severe depression and anxiety can respond to treatment with medication such as antidepressants in combination with ‘talk' therapy from a registered psychologist or psychiatrist.
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Interesting article BrightLight - this sentence rings especially true for me:
Sometimes it is hard to know if the hormonal changes of menopause impact on your life or if your life impacts on how you experience menopause.
Thanks for posting :thankyou:
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Very interesting post, thank you.
I've just posted my own question on this very topic.
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Using this tool ive realised i am not doing well with my body image.
Today I am clear that I'm feeling freaked out by the changes in my body. I have been told I am menopausal and didnt believe it because I had my periods every month but haven't had one for 6 weeks and my body feels so different. Breasts have lost firmness which in one way is great but feels odd and I just feel weaker somehow. Reading that fat redistributes and muscle mass changes, causing changes in shape. Well, it's happening to me, I swear my thighs and bums have lost all tone and shrunk!
Time to adjust again. Really this change is far more than you read about :) I've always felt strong in my lower body and lighter in my upper if that makes sense and it seems to be swapping. I do remember my mums shape changing eeeeek
I haven't put on weight yet... If anything my jeans don't fit right. I spent years finding the perfect jeans for my wide hips and smaller waist. Looks like a new era in that department too. Geeeez
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Brightlight
I can totally relate to body image thing, I'm 44 peri meno and feel that I just woke up one day and things had changed! Boobs and bum disappearing, skin a little more fragile, no weight gain either, clothes not fitting like they did! Muscles feel like there wasting away although I do all the same things.
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It is strange how we see changes in bodyshape happening to other women but never think that it will happen to us. It's as if we think that all sixty-somethings woke up one day with a totally different shape instead of the gradual changes which happen naturally as we go through life.
Taz x
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My neighbour is 68 she sailed through meno she just remembers thinking one day that she hadn't had a period for 5 years, anyway she had surgery 5yrs ago for stomach and mentioned to me last month that her whole body shape had changed since the day of operation, I think it probably changed during meno but because she was unaware of it she never noticed then. She probably just noticed because she was more aware after operation of body.
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Brightlight
I can totally relate to body image thing, I'm 44 peri meno and feel that I just woke up one day and things had changed! Boobs and bum disappearing, skin a little more fragile, no weight gain either, clothes not fitting like they did! Muscles feel like there wasting away although I do all the same things.
What a relief to read your words - I feel a bit better that I am not alone. It really has happened in the last 4 weeks, I had noticed a slight change in distribution of shape in the last few years but nothing major. I have been stressed so not eating as much but this is different, the muscle change is the most distinctive thing and my bum! oh god.........
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It is strange how we see changes in bodyshape happening to other women but never think that it will happen to us. It's as if we think that all sixty-somethings woke up one day with a totally different shape instead of the gradual changes which happen naturally as we go through life.
Taz x
I was expecting a slower change - mine seems to be super quick and you are right, I just didn't think about it - I suppose my largish bum and big thighs seemed so permanent to me ;) Before puberty I was perfectly proportioned - do you think I might go back to that?! ha ;)
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We can only wish Brighlight ;D
I wonder if that's why the bottom of my back is sore lately, walking about trying to stick my bum out to make it look the way it did!
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We can only wish Brighlight ;D
I wonder if that's why the bottom of my back is sore lately, walking about trying to stick my bum out to make it look the way it did!
Ha ha - yes! There is no gentle curve at the bottom of the spine- just a flat bum! I have lost my mum but right now I feel like saying 'why didn't you tell me, I would have loved my bum more!' ;)
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Oh ive lost my mum too Brightlight but I do remember her saying her bum has disappeared but her boobs had grown! Not mine I'm scared to bend over they just seem like 2 bits of skin lately :-\
Thank goodness for padded bras. Might need to invest in they knickers !
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Mine still sticks out, we are family of sticking out bottoms ::)
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Lucky you I like sticky out bums. Are you related to Kardashians? Lol
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Lucky lucky silverlady :)
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I never noticed any quick changes....it was just slow and steady. My bums ok to be honest.....still there and following me around ;D
I have never had big boobs so not a lot of change there either.
It's my waist or lack of that I really miss. It's not defined just straight up and down now. Clothes don't hang right any more. I'm ok with a dress but a skirt is a disaster. Jeans don't fit well anymore either.
This getting older is no fun at all.
It just doesn't happen to women though, men loose tone and shape too. Hubby calls it middle age spread and he is right.
Honeyb
X
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Mine sticks out too. Nightmare for buying jeans - if they fit over my bum, the waist is too big.
My body has changed a lot since I turned 40 - I have become more hippy and my abdomen has softened (that's a nice at of putting it). That said, I'm still ok with my body...It's my face and hair that's letting me down.
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My hubby hit s health kick when I was diagnosed peri, stopped smoking, lost 3 stone, hit the gym big time and is now toned to the max! Makes me sick ;D
Just hope he never looked at me disentigrating and thought oh no!
My face was looking a bit clamped in, but since starting HRT it has plumped up again, just waiting on the rest to follow, hair healthier too.
I just don't get how I never had boobs and my daughters got more than fair share! Must skip generation lol
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Not really I never could get a good fit of jeans with a tiny waist and sticky out bottom ::) my waist is not so small now :(
Though a few years ago I went on the Atkins diet and really lost weight and my sister said you've got your waist back, kept it up for a year but could have killed for bread and the weight crept up.
I am sure that is carbs and sugar that causes the weight gain more then menopause.
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I have noticed that my muscles are much weaker. Even just wielding the hairdryer in the morning makes my arm ache, when it never used to before.
When I am plaiting my daughter's long hair, my arms quickly start to ache. And my thigh muscles are rubbish now. I did a tiny bit of bending yesterday and my thigh muscles were quivering with strain almost straight away.
Oddly, I have lost weight and my stomach is flatter but looser. Have noticed that the flesh on my calves seem to hang down strangely when I raise my les in the air. No tone at all.
Isn't it great.
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Yep ::) :-X
Sticky out bums - as an aside, we shop in a multi-national warehouse ……… I love people watching and it is interesting to see the coloured girls with their babies in slings on their backs - sitting on their Mum's bums :D ……….. it's like the girls are designed to grow into that shape in order to support their babies ……. I didn't have the cheek to ask where they are from ::) …….. their daughters aged around 4, 7 and 11 didn't have the shape yet ……..
Will have to stand sideways on to the mirror later ;) - my belly shape does alter though :-\
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And I thought it was my from drop of Neanderthal blood from DNA testing CLKD ;D
Seriously its just that some of us have a more curvy lower spine then others, a touch of Lordosis.
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All my life I've wanted a bust, having been an AA to A cup for last 40 years. Now suddenly they have started growing. Bought a B cup last week and it's too small, if anything. Strange thing is, I hate it. Feels alien and odd to me. Bit scared they will keep growing and growing! :o
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Mine did too Briony and I hated them, that's why I had a breast reduction and now I am an A cup and have never regretted it.