Menopause Matters Forum
General Discussion => This 'n' That => Topic started by: honeybun on January 18, 2015, 08:05:13 PM
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Mother and I had this conversation tonight. She is 92 and says she is ready to go. Given the fact I have heard this since she was mid 80s I dont pay a lot of attention.
The oldest lady in this country is well past 100.
What are your expectations....given the fact these women including my mother have gone through meno before us......and survived ;D
What age would you like to get to and why ?
Honeyb
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Don't know how to put this HB but the eldest lady in Britain died recently, age 114...........
I want to live as long as I am able to be mobile, lucid and independent.
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I used to visit my dad's cousin, who died age 102. She moved to a home when she was 90, as she could no longer maintain her home. She was fine mentally until 100, when she started to get get confused and her health deteriorated. She refused to celebrate her birthdays or let us send off for the telegram from the queen. I miss her and she was such an interesting lady. She had quality of life until the last few years when she was ready to go as her body was failing. She only had glasses for long sight though. She was fortunate that she was able to afford reasonable care and was able to stand up for herself.
Me? I would only want to live to such a great age if I had good health and afford good care and family able to visit. Most of your friends will die before you if you live to such a great age. I will always opt for quality over quantity.
There have been a few times I have escaped death, severe asthma attacks as a child, a potentially fatal car accident and a roof tile missing my head by an inch apparently in high winds! A man walking towards me was quite shaky as he could see what nearly happened. Obviously not my time!
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Two great aunts of mine - on both sides of the family - lived to 107. So, maybe 108?!
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I know Limpy....114 :o. I used to think my mother was frail. When I think about what's wrong with her.....she has piles, occasional urine infections which are responding well to every day ABs.....she takes two blood pressure meds and that's it. The only other thing but it's a biggy, is she can't walk very well.
I wonder what it takes, or how to live to a great age. As I far as I remember she just lived a very normal life. We were never very poor but neither were we well off. She smoked...not a lot for years although gave up about 40 years ago.
I'm not at all sure I would like to live into my 90s
Honeyb
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My Dad is 90 in May. He is in good health, despite never doing a lot physically. Never played sports since leaving school etc. He has never smoked or drank a lot. He reckons his family history of longevity is due to blood pressure being in the ideal range, therefore genetic.
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I don't have an age I want to reach, but I'd like to go while I am still active and useful, instead of spending years twiddling my thumbs in a care home. As Ju Ju says, quality rather than quantity.
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I would like to live long enough to see my grandchildren as wonderful adults, so maybe mid to late 70s. Anything more will be a bonus. Don't want to end up all befuddled not knowing who's who though.
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:wish:
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I second Cubagirl, I too would like to see the adults my grandchildren become. Also to see my youngest daughter settled, she is about to emigrate to Canada so would like to know she is enjoying her new life there. That means about another 10 years, so I would be 75, hopefully still in reasonable health and with DH the same. A lot to ask but having a goal to work towards is a good thing I think☺ Lovely sunny morning here so that lifts the spirits and spring is on the way, off to the garden centre for coffee and maybe a cake!
Hope we all have good day.
Thorntrees
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Sorry if this is being oversensitive but i would quite like this thread to be removed HB.
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Sorry Hattie, not sure I understand. Can I please ask why as it was not meant to offend anyone :-\
Honeyb
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Hattie - What is the problem with the thread?
All it asks is what age one would like to live to and the reasons why.
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I would like to live for centuries if I could remain fit and healthy and not age.
There is so much I would like to know, and keep knowing. Whether we discover life on other planets, will we eradicate disease, how technology evolves, and lots more.
We live on a beautiful world and I don't want to leave it.
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Im the same silverlady just want to be around as long as possible.
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My heart leapt a little when I saw the thread …….. I want to remain as well as possible for as long as possible. As I have anxiety background every day which occasionally takes over …….. if I knew I could get rid of that for ever then I could 'get on'. I am trying to eat well, exercise when I have the energy - 2-day it's housework :o - DH and I enjoy every day ……. he even said so recently :-*: with the 'care' system as it is, well ……….. I get scared sometimes wondering ::)
My Mum doesn't want to celebrate birthdays but if I didn't send a card or go over >:( I do wonder how she would actually react: it would probably fuel her narcissism ……. she certainly doesn't want a party when she reaches 90 in 2017 but I don't know about The Telegram ;D
Hattie - you don't have to read the thread ;)
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My heart leapt a little when I saw the thread ……..
Hattie - you don't have to read the thread ;)
It is how i reacted CLKD and found myself :'( after reading Silverlady's post. I'm probably just oversensitive this morning.
I won't continue to read the thread and i hope that it doesn't upset others in the same way.
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Now I don't know what I said that would make you cry Hattie ???
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I would like to live long enough to see my children (all on their 20's) to find a loving partner if possible and also to have grandchildren - other than that, as others have said - as long as I am fit and well and would rather die sooner than live a long life if I am physically dependent on others or lose my mental faculties.
I can imagine people might be upset at the discussions because of losing someone close to them or other sad personal circumstances - not that anyone has said anything offensive. We don't need to spell this out!
:hug: for you Hattie
Hurdity x
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I would sincerely like to reach my late 70s/early 80s as I still want to see a lot and do a lot, but would not like to go on into my 90s like my grandmother did if I spent the last 10 years sitting in the same chair in the same room unable to make speech or be independent as she was.
However if I lost my mind I would rather go for my family's sake but then I wouldn't know about it and we don't get to choose anyway.
If I go tomorrow I haven't wasted my life at all but would like more of it if I can, however I can't say I want to be on my own without my husband if it can be helped :)
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"I haven't wasted my life" - well said!
It's a bit like my suggestion that, if we didn't have anxiety etc., where would we go on holiday ;)
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"I can imagine people might be upset at the discussions because of losing someone close to them or other sad personal circumstances - not that anyone has said anything offensive. We don't need to spell this out!"
WE have all lost loved ones, I lost a great grandson tragically a few months ago, but in no way did this thread upset me or offend me.
I lost my parents tragically too, they are always in my heart. My dad always wanted to live long enough to know whether life would be found on other planets, I carry that wish on with me.
I really can't understand how anyone would be offended by HB's thread and why is should be removed.
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It's my thread SL. It was me that asked the question after a chat with my mother. It wasn't meant to stir any sad memories, it was a bit more light hearted than that.
If everyone wants I will message Emma and ask for it to be removed.
Honeyb
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I wouldn't do that HB, it is not an offensive thread, it may be just one of those things that some people do not wish to think about, and so don't have to comment or read any further posts on it, It may have brought some emotions up but in no way offensive. I don't know what anyone else thinks
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I feel it was aimed at me HB seeing as it came after I said I did not know why my post made her Hattie cry.
I am afraid that retort "we don't need to spell it out" annoyed me and I thought unfair!
I think the topic meant ones self personally and light-hearted "What age would you like to live to and why" and that's how I replied to it.
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It's a question I am sure many of us ask. I thought Mum was old when she said "I can remember 25 years go" ;D …. if my maths was good I could tell you how old I was …….. and my cousin is 5 years older than me and for years I thought she was 'old' ::) ……… when Mum was 70 I was desperately worried that she would die because people die at 70 but she's 88 now.
It looks like longevity then may be in my genes so I want to live well, without pain and hopefully with less anxiety. An age to reach - tomorrow will do for starters ;)
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I know a lady in her mid 80s who is in constant pain and will remain that way for life because they can't operate. But she is so positive. Whenever I see her, she says how grateful she is that 'God has let me live to see another lovely day' and is determined to get the most from each day. She is just a joy to be with, with her happy, cheerful, caring outlook on life. Makes me a bit ashamed of how I grizzle over much less serious things. Maybe it's not so much quality of life as attitude?
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Tomorrow sounds good to me CLKD ;D
I think I really want to see my kids settled and with loving partners. Oh I wouldn't mind being a gran too. That would be lovely.
I just want to make the most of things. My mother seems so discontented. She is determined to be miserable. I have made numerous suggestions of things that she could do and hopefully enjoy. She has rejected them all. I actually think being miserable is her hobby.
I have learned a lot watching the way she is.
So in answer to my own question......as long as I am able I guess.
Honeyb
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I agree it is not an offensive thread in itself and doesn't need to be removed.
Yes it was partly aimed at you silverlady because you asked the question! Nothing to be annoyed about! It was meant to be reassuring! I said that I thought that noone (including you) had said anything offensive in itself, but was trying to say that if someone feels upset because of the content or it sparks something off in someone - and we don't know who and how people will be upset - then they will - we can't tell them not to! By "we don't need to spell this out" I was trying to say without being completely explicit - but now I have to be - that Hattie shouldn't need to have to spell out why she was upset - because it would be something personal that touched a chord. We should just accept that she was and is - and she has already explained that she was feeling sensitive that morning.
I didn't really want to have to be so explicit and thought it would be obvious from my post what I meant - by first saying that noone had said anything offensive. ??? Apologies if this has been misconstrued by anyone.
Hurdity x
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I am sorry Hurdity but I cannot see what I posted had anything to do with what you have said could upset people, when I asked Hattie what I said that could have upset her I never thought for one minute it had anything to do with losing loved ones and if I had I wouldn't had asked, in fact it mystified me.
"I would like to live for centuries if I could remain fit and healthy and not age.
There is so much I would like to know, and keep knowing. Whether we discover life on other planets, will we eradicate disease, how technology evolves, and lots more.
We live on a beautiful world and I don't want to leave it"
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That's the trouble with the written word. It can be very static and without facial expressions can be misconstrued.
I did understand why SL asked the question though and was justified in doing so. and also why she felt angry.
Anyway.....it is said that the first person to live to 150 has already been born. Now that would be something. Think of the changes that person will see in a lifetime. Makes my brain hurt just thinking of it.
Honeyb
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Oh to know you would live to 150 would be amazing! The things you would witness as the world evolves, it would certainly tame the peri meno health anxiety
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150 :o ………… that would give me plenty of time to practice being grumpy and difficult then ;D
People do get into habits of being miserable. I had habits which new friends pointed out to me as I had no idea how I came/come across to others ::) ……… perhaps being miserable keeps some people 'going' keeps their brain active in finding things to be miserable about :-\
Honeybun - I wonder if you were a fly on the wall how your Mum would 'come over' to others who visit, even to your sister ……….. ??? ………
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No matter how long I live, I don't think I'll ever see my daughter married. Son maybe. I do have two great granddaughters though. So long as we all stay healthy for as long as possible ladies.
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My mother can be the sweetest old lady......ummm ::)
Honeyb
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::) ……….