Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => Personal Experiences => Topic started by: Dulciana on December 14, 2014, 04:53:40 PM
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Sometimes in my day-to-day dealings with people, my self-confidence can take a sudden knock for the slightest (and sometimes imagined) reason, and plummet right down. Has anyone else got any experience of this?
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Sometimes in my day-to-day dealings with people, my self-confidence can take a sudden knock for the slightest (and sometimes imagined) reason, and plummet right down. Has anyone else got any experience of this?
I know what you mean. I also sometimes get upset and offended when someone says something to me even if they don't mean it that way, I tend to be very sensitive and react differently to how I used to.
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Dulciana - I know exactly what you mean.
However, I do overthink things out of all proportion.
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I too over react at times and take things out of context and think people are meaning something quite different.
If someone disagrees I can take it personally and then get worried I have upset them.
Why are we like this? Does oestrogen give us self confidence that then dwindles as the oestrogen dwindles?
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Why are we like this? Does oestrogen give us self confidence that then dwindles as the oestrogen dwindles?
Gosh, you may have hit the nail on the head, babyjane..............! It's good to know I'm not alone in this, but Limpy and toffeecushion, you have my sympathies too. Doesn't it cause a rocky ride sometimes?? ::)
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Guilty as charged. I don't see it, but hubby sees it in me.
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"It's good to know I'm not alone in this, but Limpy and toffeecushion, you have my sympathies too. Doesn't it cause a rocky ride sometimes??"
Yes it does - especially when I get a bit too assertive when lacking confidence - I get stroppy when it's not needed.
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I don't know if hormones make a difference, but confidence was something that I battled with all my life. I believe it had something to do with the message I learnt as a child, that I wasn't that bright ( learning to read was an uphill struggle ) and I failed the 11 plus. My sister was a high achiever and I got the impression I was a disappointment. Mum still comes out with the statement ' one wouldn't have believed you could have done.......' Maybe the next time I shall challenge her if she says that. It has taken till just the last few years to accept that there is nothing wrong with me and that I am ok. But I still have moments of low confidence and I avoid confrontation if I can.
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When menstruating regularly there was a bright yellow dress which I could only wear when I had enough confidence …….. ::) I loved that dress on my 'good' days. Even though it was slightly clingy material ……
Hormonal then?
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I get a bit too assertive when lacking confidence - I get stroppy when it's not needed.
Me too, Limpy!
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It's families comments that I take to heart and they are the ones with the ability to hurt me.
I can dwell for days over a comment and get very upset.
As for anyone else. They can take me as they find me because I won't dance to anyone else's tune now. I simply don't care enough.
We are as we are ladies and at our age it's what we think of ourselves that really counts.
Honeyb
x
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One way to help with self confidence is "Self Confidence Courses" I have been on a few, you will be surprised how helpful they are.
You can inquire in your area or even sign up for an online course (google)
I hated "role playing" at first but eventually got the hang of it, you soon lose your shyness and gain an awful lot of confidence and self assurance.
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I could never 'role play' ::) .......... there are a couple of men friends that make me a bit tongue tied, both younger but I haven't yet worked out why ::) ......... otherwise I am fairly comfortable in my skin these days .........
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Ju Ju I also failed the 11 plus and my mother let me know it would take her a long time to get over it. I knew I had not only failed the 11 plus but failed her, let her down, disappointed her. I think subconsciously I spent the rest of her life trying to atone for that heinous crime :'( You are ok as you are, as am I, but I am only just coming to realise this from interacting in threads on this forum would you believe :)
Recently my husband received the following slogan,( in a fortune cookie would you believe!) and we both found it profoundly applicable to both of us. It said:
'Character is knowing what you are, not what other think you are or should be'.
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:thankyou: I likes that I does ;) .........
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I have never had much self confidence - never felt slim enough, pretty enough,intelligent enough etc etc ...Struggled with low self esteem and has taken me a lot of years, to recognize and realize a lot of the reasons why ....My parents still have a habit of put downs & they are totally blind to it - I just now realise the faults were mainly in them and themselves and not me.. .. Life certainly is a learning curve & trying to understand parents/people etc ..
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Old habits die hard >:( …….
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I was always quite self confident, and in some ways getting older/menopause has given me a 'don't care' attitude in that, my hair/clothes/nails don't have to be so perfect, (those things used to be mega big for me)! But in other ways I am less confident, I too get upset and offended by mostly imagined slights! But the biggest thing for me since the meno started at 53 (just over 9 years ago) is that the ageing progress in it's self is chipping away at my confidence as an attractive woman. I try very hard to keep my weight down, after having been a size UK 12 all my life, I went up to a full size 14 in the first years of meno, and have never got back down! I have always been told I look young for my age, but I now wince when I catch sight of myself in shop window etc...age is beginning to show, and I really don't like it! 😔 I try to be grateful, for reasonably good health, a good life etc, but I get so down it's hard to bounce back, can anyone relate?
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I'm very fortunate being married to a man who is very caring, patient and loving. He has almost convinced me I'm loveable. I don't know where I would be without that input. With his encouragement I have worked with a life coach and a councillor, I am more at peace. I may not completely eradicate the negative messages from childhood, but I don't forget that I'm OK, whatever is going on, when others are being unpleasant or if I'm feeling rough or low.
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I always had self confidence in my appearance and was told often that I was very pretty but never by my mother. When I started to see things that I did not like I did something about it, very cost effective and now I don't worry anymore.
My OH is not one for compliments about my appearance or otherwise, the best I get is "If you weren't alright I would tell you" I have to be content with that ::)
I will never have the tiny perfect figurer I use to have but it will do now, I still look after my skin and hair and what is more important my health.
I have always been confident in social situations, but one thing I have learned with age is that not everyone is going to like you and I am not going to like every one I meet and the best thing is that it does not matter. Took me a while to process that one.
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Hi Silver Lady, yes I know what you mean, I too have 'done something about it' and am grateful for the difference it's made! And you're so right about not liking everyone you meet, I seem to have very little tolerance with people I find tiresome theses days! I always make a big effort with my appearance and my husband is quite good about compliments, always tells me I look lovely, so I can't complain about that. However, he has very little understanding about the menopause, I've shown him stuff from this site so he knows it's not just me. But tbh I don't think any man will ever really comprehend what it does to your body/confidence/physc, not even doctors!! I think the crunch point is that...in my head I'm still in my late 30's, and really dislike the reality of my 63 years! But still, it's definitely better than the alternative!!! 😉