Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => Other Health Discussion => Topic started by: bramble on November 20, 2014, 04:56:32 PM
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For me, the worst thing about the menopause has been the crippling anxiety. I have been suffering from it for years (about 7-8 I think). For the past few years it has been kept in check but my world has grown so much smaller. I very rarely go out, do no exercise. There seems to be no rhyme nor reason behind what does or does not cause the anxiety to overwhelm me. Some things I sail through without a thought, other things (like meeting my sister for lunch) can leave me paralysed with fear. Even though I have done it loads of times before. I live on my own, neither do I have family and when the anxiety gets really bad, there is no outside distraction to help me or to gain confidence from. I tend to curl up and become overwhelmed.
It is only recently that I have realised how small my world has grown - and this is at a time when I should be broadening my horizons and getting out there to enjoy life - I have the time, the money but also the fear.
I have just read a book by Paul David 'At last a life'. He advocates doing things despite how you feel and to accept the feelings of anxiety but not try to control them - in fact, to stop fighting to get better. Similar to the Claire Weekes books which I read years ago.
So, to cut a long story short - this is the beginning. I aim to go out more even if it is just a short walk to the local café for a coffee, to do more - I have just joined a gym and intend to do 2 classes a week, to do these things regularly despite how I feel. They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions but I hope to prove that wrong! I know it is going to be hard but I must get a life.
Wish me luck!
Bramble
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They also say that every journey begins with a single step, I hope you made a short journey out today and are planning again tomorrow. Time passes so quickly and its a wonderful world really, go for it and keep us updated😃
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Well done bramble!
I was in a similar situation to you - felt like I was on the verge of being agoraphobic - started after some spells of intense vertigo where I couldn't move! Like you I made myself do things every day, no matter how I felt! I did this with the help of cbt, self-help books and ativan for when I couldn't cope!! In reality, I never took more than 1 ativan every 2 to 4 weeks, but just having it there, as a back-up really helped.
I do deep breathing and relaxation with the help of a self-hypnosis download given to me by a hypnotist I saw!
Now I can go anywhere, anytime with barely a wobble (did have a little one a couple of weeks ago when we were going on a very long road trip - but I survived and was fine as soon as we set off!)
Sorry - long post but just wanted to show you that you CAN do it - everybody feels anxiety, but we have a choice about how we are going to react to these feelings .... That helped me! Also knowing that if I could be brave enough, I would conquer this forever!! GOOD LUCK xxx
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Well done, I wish I was as brave as you. My world seems to be getting smaller too.
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Small steps toffee cushion! My initial goal was basically just getting to the end of the street on my own (literally 200 yards). Therapist told me if you do something 3 times, you will no longer be scared by it - I didn't believe but it works for me.
The gym and exercise also helped massively - gets rid of all that adrenaline so if you have to, run to the end of the street then back!!
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I wish you more luck than I could ever say.
YOU CAN DO IT.
It may be hard but the more you take little steps the easier it becomes.
I am still taking little steps and some things are becoming easier. I have done shopping malls twice recently with some success.
Hell....if I can anyone can.
Let us know how you get on. We are all with you and supporting you.
Honeyb
x
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Hi Bramble,
Ive also read Paul David's book and found it extremely helpful. I do often re-read some sections of it for reassurance. The advices he gives are true and tried and they work. The "so what" attitude he describes is really what I am trying to adopt when I sense panic or anxiety.
Well done and keep going. And remember, baby steps and congratulate yoursel for every accomplishment!
Milamam xx
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Hi Bramble - when I read the first part of your post I felt very sad for you but when I got the end I thought - wow! That's amazing!! Well done and do hope that these little things make you feel better and more positive about life - as you say - it's all out there waiting to be explored and (re-)discovered! Good luck! :)
Hurdity x
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Hello Bramble.
Good luck with your plans, I hope they work and be sure to keep us posted.
Wishing you well.
K.
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However- what these authors forget is how physical anxiety is. I can cope until my gut churns then it's back to bed for me :'( ………. it doesn't matter that nothing bad happened previously ….. that was then and the anxiety is now.
I can shop alone or with DH because I don't have to justify myself to anyone. When shopping I buy what is essential on the list, then I can browse until I need to get out of the situation; sometimes I can browse for hours …….. those days are 9/10!
Let us know how you get on. Currently my 'little steps' advice ain't working for me :sigh: unless I do something spontaneously.
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:bighug: CLKD
Taz x
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Well done for your courage Bramble.....I am following the same path as you and things are getting easier.....take care of yourself and courage moving forward XXX
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I have just bought a pedometer to keep a track of how well I am doing (or not!). Each day I try to do something ie exercise, that will help my anxiety. But I am finding even the thought of going for a short walk ramps my anxiety up. And this is supposed to help? And this is from someone who not so long ago went hill walking once a week! Talk about a rock and a hard place. And I am only talking about a 10-20 minute walk! Oh well, onwards and upwards. Hopefully I will get used to it soon and it won't seem quite as challenging!
Pilates classes are going quite well. I am hoping to go to a Mind and Body one this week which is a cross between yoga and Pilates. That will give me my 2 classes a week. Has anyone tried Aqua Fit?
Bramble
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well done on your resolve Bramble, I wish you well with every step (physically and mentally).
To be honest I find a walk so much easier if I have the dog too, as a distraction and someone to talk to.
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:thankyou: Taz
Bramble - make sure you are well hydrated and have eaten within an hour of planning a walk. Being hungry can cause anxiety surges ……. go a few yards, stand and look at the view? then turn back before the anxiety takes hold. If possible do it several times a day. If you find yourself turning back sooner rather than later, that's fine. Don't beat yourself up!
Aqua Fit would be OK if I could skinny dip ;) ……. again not for me because I would be restricted by time and having to meet others …….. if I go out alone I am much better. I went to a large mall this morning, managed coffee/cake with background anxiety but knew I wasn't there for long. Years ago I couldn't even consider such a trip …….
Have you tried Betablockas?
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For me, the worst thing about the menopause has been the crippling anxiety. I have been suffering from it for years (about 7-8 I think). For the past few years it has been kept in check but my world has grown so much smaller. I very rarely go out, do no exercise. There seems to be no rhyme nor reason behind what does or does not cause the anxiety to overwhelm me. Some things I sail through without a thought, other things (like meeting my sister for lunch) can leave me paralysed with fear. Even though I have done it loads of times before. I live on my own, neither do I have family and when the anxiety gets really bad, there is no outside distraction to help me or to gain confidence from. I tend to curl up and become overwhelmed.
It is only recently that I have realised how small my world has grown - and this is at a time when I should be broadening my horizons and getting out there to enjoy life - I have the time, the money but also the fear.
I have just read a book by Paul David 'At last a life'. He advocates doing things despite how you feel and to accept the feelings of anxiety but not try to control them - in fact, to stop fighting to get better. Similar to the Claire Weekes books which I read years ago.
So, to cut a long story short - this is the beginning. I aim to go out more even if it is just a short walk to the local café for a coffee, to do more - I have just joined a gym and intend to do 2 classes a week, to do these things regularly despite how I feel. They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions but I hope to prove that wrong! I know it is going to be hard but I must get a life.
Wish me luck!
Bramble
Best of luck Bramble. x
I felt sad for you at first but when I read the end of your post I felt happier for you
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It will get easier! And you will get the most benefit from doing these things when you feel anxious as you will know that despite the anxiety you did it! Keep a diary - it's great for those down days where you feel like you're not improving, as you can clearly see just how much you are improving!! And don't forget to celebrate every achievement ...
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When very ill with anxiety I had a scale of 1-5 : I would write on the calendar which I had each day so that I could look back - often couldn't remember what the anxiety levels were like but it is on-going :-\ ………..
Should take my own advice …….
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THEY always say do things even though you are anxious and it will get easier. Not! I was on my way to my hobby night last night - once a week for the past 3 years - and I felt as nervous and anxious about it as I did three years ago! How does that work - or not?
Bramble
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Did you go? 'they' have never suffered!!!!
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Well, I am still walking despite how bad/well I feel. And the strange thing is that I feel much better for it! Not when I am out doing it (I still feel as though I am going to collapse or can't get breath) but afterwards I feel my anxiety lessening. I do a walk every day (not talking miles) of about 15-20 mins and keeping a note of the number of steps. It is very uplifting to see the numbers increase week on week. Whoever said that we should walk 10000 steps a day (5 miles) is obviously not retired and in the house every day. It was shocking how few steps I did just flitting around the house on my own! Still doing my Pilates class and hoping to add a yoga one in every week.
Onwards and upwards for the New Year!
Bramble
PS. May even try going to get some food shopping at a supermarket this week instead of getting it delivered!
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Well done! Just look how far you have come in such a short time! This is exactly how it went for me when I decided enough was enough. I did things feeling terrible but felt great after - now I have virtually no anxiety and if I get a little blip, I just carry on regardless .... You have taken the hardest steps, it's all easier from now. Here's to 2015 being your year!!
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Rather than pinning yourself down to shopping, go into the store, have a browse, pick up a soup packet and read the contents: replace soup packet and leave whilst you're ahead. Next time, stand and watch the queue to see how you feel. After that, dry shopping when it's less likely to be busy ;)
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Well, it has been 8 weeks since I started 'stepping out'. I have been increasing the number of steps I take every week and am now walking the number of steps in a day that I was walking in a week! And I feel the better of it. My anxiety has decreased and for instance I was at the dentist this week. Before, I would be really anxious for days before I went - this week I was only anxious on the day. Result! My background anxiety is better too. I intend to keep it up. I have been out in all weathers every day - rain, wind, snow and hailstones. I do not allow myself to use the weather as an excuse as I have a perfectly good waterproof anorak and over trousers.
I have gone all geeky with it and log my steps in an excel spreadsheet with graphs of average number of steps in a day and weekly total. It is uplifting to see the graphs head steeply upwards!
It may not work for everyone but it does seem to be helping me. Onwards and upwards, pedometer at the ready! ;D ;D
Bramble
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I think that's excellent bramble, really admirable :)
Oh has his FitBit and uploads it up to the computer each night, he is really fanatical about doing it. I bought FitBit Flex today and hope I can be just as dedicated.
OH has spread sheets for everything even keeping account of our monthly eating out allowance ::)
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FibBit :-\ …….
Glad the exercise is helping!
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This will tell you all about FitBit CLKD
http://www.fitbit.com/uk/whyfitbit
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Well done bramble.
I am hoping to get back to walking as soon as hubby feels up to it.
:ola: especially in the great Scottish weather we have been having.
Honeyb
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My brave words the other day are coming back to bite me on the bum! Woke up this morning with toothache and a loose tooth. Off to the dentist tomorrow a.m. for an emergency appointment to get it out. Let's see how good my walking therapy is now!!!!!!
Bramble
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Hey Bramble
I had such anxiety once I had to get neighbour to drive me to to the dentist for a root filling.....I sat on my hands the whole time to keep them still. If I can do it and I did you can too honey xx
Mrs January xxx
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Thanks Mrs J. I am just going to have to man up!
Bramble
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Stay positive Bramble
You can do it honey with my hugs along side you :)))
Mrs J xx
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Well the deed is done. Tooth out and all is well. Got my own (new) dentist for my emergency appointment and as this was the first work he had done on me apart from checkups, I was quite impressed.
I was just thinking when I was waiting for the injections to take, and after chatting to the assistant re fear of dentists. Wouldn't it be a good idea to put valium in the air con in the waiting room. Then we could float into the surgery and back out. No worries! But the staff would have to be banned from the waiting room!
Bramble
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Well done Bramble :medal:
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Hey there Bramble
I am so PROUD of you honey .......yippee you did it and are out the other side ....go girlie
Mrs January xxx
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I had a dentist many years ago who played music, however, I moved my head in time with the music ;D …… I have suggested to our Dentist that a foot massage would be nice [didn't tell him I would have to shave my legs though ::)] especially when I was undergoing long-term treatment sessions. He has done a Psychology Degree too so is aware of how to talk to anyone who is nervous.
Glad you are OK Bramble. Will you have a gap or go for an implant?
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It's one of the back ones so doing nothing.
Bramble
PS. Have given myself today off walking in case I get a cold in the socket but back to it tomorrow.
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Rest up for a couple of days. It's a shock to the system no matter how you feel at the moment.
Nothing strenuous for a wee while or you could make the socket bleed. Hubby did that and ended up with stitches.
Honeyb
X
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Well done Bramble - join the club - I had one out a couple of weeks ago in emergency appt! Feels odd doesn't it when they yank it out?! Glad the injections worked.... I was told to hold salt water in my mouth several times a day but not to gargle in case I made it bleed. Also told to take painkillers as soon as I got home in case it hurt over the next few hours but didn't need any more after that. Seems to be OK now though but still daren't eat on that side! Unfortunately mine isn't far enough back to have a gap.... Do hope yours recovers OK! I was out and working the next morning - I'm sure you'll be fine!
Hurdity x
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I am not coping with anxiety well, it's background ……. all the while. Damn it :-\ although when out this morning it went away.
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Maybe just a little blip CLKD. We all have up and down days.
Honeyb
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It's been background since October :-\ …….
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Just been to get my BP checked. It was a bit high in November when I went so had to go back again. It is now spot on 120/84 - best it has ever been I think in the last umpteen years. So it looks as though my walking is paying off! I would like to think so. Perhaps I should rename this thread as 'Walking Back to Happiness' !
Bramble
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Well done! being in the fresh air helps me, especially if I'm in the garden.
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Now consistently walking more steps in a day than in a week back in November when I first started! Hurrah. Just did over 8000 steps today for the first time! Do I feel fitter? - not yet. Is my anxiety less? - yes I think so. Do I feel a sense of achievement? - yes. Have I been able to go out and about more? - no. Will I be able to keep this up? - hope so.
Bramble
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Well done you. Next thing will be a marathon ;D
The blood pressure results are impressive....anxiety is such a flamin rotten thing but everything you read says physical activity is a big part of the road to conquering it.....so keep walking.
Just wish I had the energy ::)
Honeyb
X
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Have fallen off the path this last month regarding the walking. Is my anxiety up - yes. Am starting again tomorrow. Yes I am, for definite. Will aim for 5000 steps a day, at least 5 days a week. That is 2 and a half miles a day. Not quite the 10000 steps the NHS shout on about. But a start.
Have also just started going to a Stress Class. Run by the NHS and is once a week for 6 weeks. Looks promising so far. A course devised by a chap called Jim White.
Jim is an internationally-recognised expert in stress management. Aware that health-care organisations were seeing only the tip of the iceberg in terms of those suffering from stress and, therefore, unable to do any significant preventative or early intervention work, he devised Stress Control over twenty years ago as an attempt to improve outcomes for individuals while, at the same time, hugely improving efficiency by offering evidence-based help to many more people than individual approaches would allow. At the time, this was a highly unusual approach but peer-reviewed research and evaluation showing that efficiency and effectiveness could be improved upon, the class has become widely available across the world. Jim has presented at many national and international conferences and events and acted as a National Advisor to the Scottish Government. He is involved with the European Union on how to develop mental health services across Europe using interventions, including Stress Control, he has devised.
Bramble
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Well done Bramble :)
You must feel a real sense of empowerment. Well done. Positive stories like yours are so good to read.
My anxiety arrived out of the blue on the back of other peri menopausal symptoms like insomnia and low mood. The only other time in my life I have experienced like it was when I had PND. So I quickly guessed my hormones were to blame again.
My CBT counsellor actively advised against trying to 'fight' anxiety, or even trying to distract yourself from it. He said that by trying to fight it you were just raising your stress levels even more and further reinforcing it into your subconscious that the anxiety was something to be scared of.
Same with trying to distract yourself from anxiety. You're just showing your subconscious that the anxiety is a real threat to you and must be avoided, or run away from.
Apparently, it's better to just accept the anxiety and carry on anyway. Almost in defiance of it. My counsellor told me to talk to my anxiety, like it was a real person i.e. 'Oh, hello, so you're here again. Well, you're not going to stop me from going for this walk/making this phone call/going to the store. I know you're going to make my stomach churn and my brain race, but I'm still going ahead anyway okay. So you can stay with me if you want, but there's not much point'
I also used to imagine my anxiety as a real person. I gave it really stupid hair and unflattering clothes and horrible shoes, and in personalizing it into a figure of fun it seemed to diminish my anxiety and make it seem less frightening somehow. I imagined it doing stupid things like tripping up as it tried to walk along with me, or spilling stuff down itself as it sat next to me in a café, and generally just being clumsy and annoying.
I made fun of it in my head. Sounds crazy, but it worked.
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I totally agree, fighting anxiety never works.
I try to tell myself that not once has anything bad ever happened. I have not fainted or crashed the car or thrown up in public. So the probability is I never will. I try just to let the feelings come and then go without giving in to the urge to run away.
I still have a few things to conquer such as going out for a meal and also potential hospital visiting but it's a work in progress and I have seen some little improvements.
Honeybun
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