Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => All things menopause => Topic started by: Dancinggirl on October 30, 2014, 04:59:35 PM
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Hi everyone
I have recently read quite a few posts from ladies that are really frightened of getting breast cancer so won't consider HRT.
I have a close friend who has had a very serious case of breast cancer. She had not used HRT as she sailed through her menopause with ease. Only months before being diagnosed with breast cancer she had been told at a medical check up that she was the healthiest women the doctor had seen for a very long time. She is slim and fit, has a job she loves etc. The only thing I could think that triggered her cancer would be the terrible stress of her marriage breaking up - entirely her husbands fault BTW. She had the full works in terms of treatment - mastectomy, chemo and radiotherapy. When I saw her only a few weeks after all her treatment she looked amazingly good!!! Whilst I would personally find all that treatment absolutely terrifying, hearing about her experience and how well breast cancer is treated these days has somewhat alleviated my fear of this horrible disease.
What does frighten me is : disability as a result of osteoporosis and any degenerative diseases such as Parkinsons and Dementia.
I am also frightened of having this horrible burning urethra and night time bladder problems for the rest of my life.
Though it is known that HRT started after the age of 60 can bring on early dementia, it is also known that lack of sleep can contribute to early onset dementia - well I'm certainly not getting enough sleep and my ability to find the right words at times is really frightening me.
I work hard at doing all the right things, eating well, lots of brisk walks, practising Mindful Meditation etc. but the advice about getting enough sleep is frankly impossible to achieve.
I am also frightened I have narrowed my horizons since I came off HRT - I have had to pull back on so many things I used to do because I simply don't have the energy and need to pace myself more to cope with my work.
I am frightened I am getting old rather too quickly.
In a few weeks I am seeing a gynae about my various meno related issues and I will probably have to face the option of going back on HRT. Having tried so many different HRT options(over the last 20 years) I know that HRT brings, not just good things, but also some compromises and fears that I struggle to be objective about.
WHAT FRIGHTENS YOU ABOUT THE MENOPAUSE?
DG X
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Oh: Good Thread!
Pain frightens me. Not knowing how long intense pain will last even with medical intervention, is a huge problem for me. I have had lots of pain since the age of 11: periods were DREADFUL ……. so I went onto The Pill for 11 years.
Dental pain has been difficult to control sometimes. When my Wisdoms were removed DH cooked and sieved food for me, he would make me a cuppa in the early hours with Anadin as I would cry in my sleep with pain but as the swelling went down the pain improved.
Sinus pain - like being hung over for no reason and as for trigenimal neuralgia >:(
If required I would insist on HRT …….. I have VA for which my GP prescribes treatment which seems to work for me. I hope by the time we need old age 'care' the system will be improved. Hopefully my very knowledgeable GP won't ever need to refuse treatment for any condition that might crop up.
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My big fear is that my anxiety never improves and I am stuck in this cycle forever. At some point I am going to have to do things I just can't avoid. Mother going into hospital for example. She is 92. Its going to happen at some point and how on earth do I manage
I am fed up being a bloody wimp. Anxiety sucks the pleasure from life and I want to embrace and not avoid. And that includes the bad as well as the good. I want to live not just exist
Honeyb
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I quite agree HB. I am at a time in my life where I could travel the world and have lots more adventures. But my anxiety keeps me at home. My world has shrunk enormously since the anxiety got a hold about 8 years ago and I can't see this changing in the near future. Carpe diem - not!
Bramble
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menopause and HRT doesn't frighten me but I don't like it, meno I mean as I don't use HRT and do not want to or feel the need to.
I realise I am fortunate in that my menopause journey has not been unbearable or unmanageable just an uncomfortable nuisance but this year I have started seeing a few little improvements.
What frightens me though is being left on my own and without the support of my husband then I really would be frightened as we have been together since we were 15 and I can't remember life when he was not in it.
Sorry, I didn't really answer the question did I?
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What frightens me about menopause and HRT is being left to face the first one without the second one!!
Taz x
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dear sparky, if you find a solution please tell me because I know that if it works for you it will work for me x
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Hi Sparkle
I find it difficult to be objective about things - we need to the medical profession to look at us holistically and advice us appropriately having considered all aspects of our lives. It's frightening that we have these problems that are definitely meno related yet there is so little real help and advice from the medical profession - thank goodness for the caring, sharing ladies on this site.
Another thing that frightens me: I'm finding I am becoming more like my mother! The things that annoy me about her are: her intolerance, selfishness, irrational fears, lack of compassion - I now understand how these traits have emerged - I think they are survival tactics that emerged through her meno that have carried her through and make it so difficult for us to handle her.
I have really noticed over this last year since I've come off HRT that I am far more self centred - I've fought hard not to be like her but I'm frightened I'm becoming like her because the compassionate side of my nature is being eroded.
DG x
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If I become like my mother then I will happily shoot myself.
My anxiety is so very frightening. I want to find tactics, a solution, a cure that does not involve medication.
My HRT does nothing to help at all so I am stumped and frightened of where this will take me. My confidence in myself outwith my home is nil and every bloody day is a struggle. I have never hated or worried about anything so much in my life. Its my last thought before sleep and my first waking thought and its ruining my life.
Not to seem to miserable or morbid but sometimes I wonder what I have done to deserve this.
Honeyb
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Thanks for the post DG, totally understand your points and about your friend.
What frightens me:
Meno - how bad things had become and the level of denial I was in!
HRT - the stories about others being forced by docs to reduce or stop their HRT when they don't want to.
Also frightened of returning to how I felt before HRT.
:-*
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My paternal grandmother was a recluse, went nowhere, saw no one and did nothing. She was not in her right mind for the last 15 years of her life but lived to 94 in a nursing home where she refused to sit with any other residents.
My mother was a darling, after my father died she did so much, went on a tour to the Holy Land with her church at the age of 74 (never been on a plane or out of this country before), joined social groups, had neighbours in for coffee, visited the sick, totally involved with her grandchildren, came on numerous holidays with us, did cryptic crosswords, walked, cycled and was rational and lucid until the day she died from cancer aged 82.
I fight hard not to be like my grandmother and would dearly like to be more like my mother. It is a daily battle but I do try, however genetics make it very hard.
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Hello everyone
I'm currently on vagifem for bladder problems which does seem to help. I have posted on here for advice about HRT as previously taken elleste duet but it made me feel ill. I'm frightened of going back to the docs as don't want to be seen as someone causing a fuss if you know what I mean . I just haven't got the energy anymore to go through the stress of a fight to get the right HRT and this is not like me at all as I used to be a lot more assertive before the menopause struck. I seem to have loads of positive ideas of how to help myself feel better and more positive but in reality I'm just shattered and just want to stay in watching mindless TV.
just want to say thank you for all your posts on here, it really helps to feel that I'm not alone in feeling like this xxxx
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Oh ladies, I'm loving your posts - so reassuring I am not alone with my fears. I don't think I suffer from anxiety as such, I just don't cope with stress as well as I used to. I get overwhelmed and just opt not to do things in case I do get overwhelmed.
The physical and mental changes are quite dramatic around the menopause and I feel so angry when we are patronisingly told we need to eat less but eat healthily, take lots of exercise and get enough sleep. Many of us are really trying to do these things. The problem is I hate trying to be so sensible all the time - I want to be spontaneous e.g. eat chocolate with a glass of wine, which I used to be able to do but now get a nasty headache and feel dreadful for ages afterwards.
I lie awake at 4am in the morning worrying how I'm going to get through work the next day and whether the lack of sleep is damaging my long term health.
I do want to grow older gracefully but I just feel angry, resentful and frankly frightened what the future holds. DG x
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I am so trying to live each day as it comes. I say really trying but not always succeeding. Each day has its own joys and sorrows and if you try to deal with a whole week's worth of days you do indeed get overwhelmed.
This philosophy goes against my nature as I am a serial worrier and have suffered anxiety all my life. All my lifetime's anxiety has not changed or improved a single thing and so now I am trying to let go of all the overwhelming sense of responsibility that has plagued me all my life and got worse since the menopause.
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Like Stellajane I am at least 8 years into the menopause and what scares me most is not knowing when it will end, anxiety is the worst and so hard to cope with when it is there the minute I wake up. I get through each day as best I can with the help of a low dose AD but just want to feel my usual self, though I've almost forgotten what that is!. I can accept getting older,stiffer,slower etc but not being able to just get on and enjoy life when I try so hard really gets to me.
Don't want to give the impression I'm miserable or moaning as I'm quite a cheerful person, I just miss the old energetic me.
Wine and chocolate-in moderation do help😀
Thorntrees
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Great post.........not so much about HRT and meno persa, but I am almost terrified at the thought of all the down below issues I have never going ( although I am a lot better), and what scares me just as much is the way we are treated by the medical profession, I have been NHS and private on this long road ( more like a maze) , and they just don't understand the meno issues, no doctor joins the dots and we are treated like idiots sometimes.
My biggest fear of all though is getting Alzheimer's and being left in a chair all day, and not being able to communicate that everything down there hurts. My three daughters have been told of my fears, and I wonder how many poor souls are in that predicament and have no one to shout from the roof tops for them.
Also never let them stop local oestrogen, and being without my husband who I met at 15 is equally terrifying.
But I am going to be a Granny in a few weeks so that will keep me busy. Also I must never, ever, ever become like my mother, my Mother-in-law yes that would be great, but not my mother.
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Oh Maryjane - your fears mirror mine exactly.
I would hate for my children to view me as I view my mother - since I came off HRT I simply have no patience with her - she is soooo exasperating.
I feel dreadful saying that about my mother :-\
DG x
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"my opinion depression is linked to dementia . " evidence please. I have suffered depression since 1988. When depressed my memory is poor, because I am fighting for survival and my brain has no room for stuff. I have menopause brain too …….. fuzzy, muddled but no way anything like dementia ::)
I don't see that there is any connection between depression and dementia :-X
Many older people have slow onset depression which goes un-treated because they don't recognise symptoms so don't visit GPs or it is un-noticed in the 'care' system
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"my opinion depression is linked to dementia . " evidence please.
Here, here CLKD. I suppose the poster was only giving their opinion but I also like to see reliable evidence-based information when I read health-related stuff on the internet.
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I'm with Taz2 , biggest worry is Meno without the HRT, also find I dont seem to achieve as much as I used to in a day and Im not short on energy just dont seem to be so focused which makes me feel a bit disorganised , then I feel anxious. Agree life is too fast and furious .
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I wonder who funded this bit of ………
"The researchers found no connection between symptoms of depression and the presence of lesions on the brain linked to dementia.
"But they did find that people with the most symptoms of depression at the start of the study were more likely than people with fewer or no symptoms to develop any kind of dementia. What's more, the researchers found that people's depression did not tend to get worse once they were diagnosed with dementia. ………
where these people being treated for depression or suffering with low mood? How would researchers know if someone's depression got worse after a diagnosis. I thought that only Alzhemiers could be proven after death via PM :-\
Depression is chemically based how ever it presents <shrug> ……… dementia is more like a brain 'injury' ……
Thorntrees: why not up the dosage of your AD :-\ - like many chronic conditions depression needs to be managed which may mean that a maintenance dose of AD which is altered as necessary ………. which is how I survive.
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I'm 45 and as shallow as this may sound ageing scares me. I'm on HRT now but have been peri for at least 4yrs. Before HRT my face started to age dramatically. I hate everything that has come with my peri, the erratic cycle, the hot flushes, the anger, oh! The Anger, the realisation that I sound like my mother when I'm being irrational, being my mother.
The only thing that I don't like about HRT so far is that it hasn't been a magic bullet yet. I'm just 3mths in so tweaking required but I'm still optimistic
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I've always believed the mind has an influence on everything, especially our physical well being.
I agree with this - the feeling of being frightened will also show in some physical way.
Hattie X
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I think that there may be a link between depression and dementia but the other way round. In hindsight my mum's dementia really manifested itself as a bout of uncharacteristic depression. My mum was a bright and bubbly person and she became withdrawn and began to neglect herself about two years before subtle dementia signs began. Anti-depressants didn't work. So, maybe, depression as a first sign of developing dementia in an older person is often missed?
Taz x
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Anxiety is a real b*gger. It takes all your energy and saps it. I'm wired like that too.
Feeling overwhelmed, so behaviour avoidance to stop feeling overwhelmed, is also something I do. I do push myself a lot though. Moving to London in my late 40s, with no career/job or kids wasn't too easy. I have acquaintances, but my close friends are all abroad and I have no family here. Just me and OH, who I've been with for 34 years (poor man).
I'm very worried that they'll take away my HRT. I was very unwell and totally sleepless without it. I took sleeping pills at a higher dose and they still didn't work. Didn't have hot flushes - had occasional cooler spells! I was angry and mean and cried all the time, and impossible to live with. My M.E and fibro became far worse with lack of sleep.
For me, sleep is key. 6 hours will do. Having to be off all medication that helps me sleep is terrifying.
I take regular exercise to help the way I feel but due to the fibro/M.E can't do nearly as much as I'd like.
OH pushes me to travel, go out to concerts etc which I'm very grateful for.
Wish there was a magic button for anxiety but I'm someone who got up at 8 years of age in the middle of the night to finish my Divinity class picture in case the teacher got cross with me ::) Both parents v anxious people too.
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I am terrified that the anxiety will come back. I am still only in peri menopause, and my physical symptoms were only slight. But it was the anxiety which floored me. The only other time I have felt such overwhelming, generalised anxiety was when I had PND 12 years ago so I KNOW it can only be a hormone related thing.
By nature I am very outgoing, very sociable and independent. I'm the sort of person who is relied on to get any party started. But the sudden on set on the anxiety crippled me and basically changed me into someone else. I became irrationally scared of the dark, I was terrified to be left alone but also very scared of being in a group. Everything, everything, everything made me feel anxious. Some loud music on the radio, a car horn outside, my husband coming home unexpectedly. Just anything really. I was just existing on this horrible knife edge and could only see the world through very scared eyes.
If I had continued in that awful state I don't think I would have bothered to live much longer it was just all too horrible. I can completely understand why people commit suicide now. Eventhough you are surrounded by people who love you, it doesn't make any difference because you feel so horribly bleak inside.
Anti depressants took away the anxiety but I hated being reliant on them, and they made me feel foggy and not my real self. I stopped taking them over 6 weeks ago and the anxiety hasn't come back. But I am terrified it will. My sleeping isn't as good now as it used to be before peri, and I can tell if I get over tired the anxiety is waiting just round the corner.
Most of all I am so frightened of being left alone without my husband. None of the men in his family seem to live much past 65 and I find the thought of living my last 20-30 years without him too dreadful to contemplate (we live a long time in my family). We have been together nearly 30 years and I am still head over heels in love with him, like a soppy teenager sometimes. I just wouldn't know how to live a life without him in it :'(
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GypsyRoseLee I head you and you do indeed sound frightened. I wish I could say something helpful to reassure you but I can't because none of us can see the future. But you do sound rather like myself when I get on one of my 'what if' downers and they make you feel horrible and unable to see past your own nose.
Anxiety does indeed rob you of your self, like oldsheep has said and affects those around you but I don't know what the answer is. I just didn't want to not respond to your heartfelt post :foryou:
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SPARKLE what you wrote about 'stop the world I want to get off' really resonated with me.
My life is so much more busy and hectic than either my Mum's or my Grannie's (they both said so many times). I have quite a demanding job and my children are still young enough to require a lot of input and supervision from me. My life just seems such a whirl, and I am constantly listing stuff in my head and trying to keep track of everything and everyone. Luckily I am very organised by nature but my memory is nothing like it was. Not sure if that it due to age or because I have so much more to remember now.
A few months ago my husband and I managed to escape for a few days and rented a little house in the middle of nowhere. It was bliss to not have to remember anything, or taxi anyone anywhere, or have any demands placed on me. I felt re-born and 10 years younger. I got upset when we left and on the way home tried to persuade my husband to basically give up our current lives and reinvent ourselves somewhere quieter, doing different jobs and stepping off the treadmill. He sympathised but pointed out I was being illogical and irrational, which I was. But still it would have been nice.
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Thank you for the virtual flowers BabyJane, they are lovely :)
I have felt very much back to normal these last 6 weeks, and I am incredibly relieved and so grateful. But, I think that is the curse of experiencing anxiety. Once you have experienced how awful it feels, just the memory of it haunts you for a very long time.
I know my Mum suffered in a very similar way to me when peri, especially with the unexplained anxiety. But she had to have a full hysterectomy at 43 and so her symptoms disappeared overnight. And now she can only barely remember how she suffered, as it never came back. I am just hoping I can be the same as her, and I would happily have a hysterectomy if it guaranteed me the anxiety would never come back.
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I had a hysterectomy in July - anxiety is as bad as ever. I'm not sure that a hysterectomy changes anxiety to be honest unless the anxiety is linked to feeling dreadful because of heavy periods and all that comes with it.
I really sympathise with you Gypsy. In your busy life try to fit in some just-for-you time. It's important. You may not be able to give up your lifestyle and start again but small moments in the day when you can just relax are really helpful.
Taz x
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Anxiety again is the big one for most of us it would seem. And not one of us has a answer which really disturbs me.
Dr Currie has started a lot of topics ....How do you cope with aches and pains etc....but there is no mention of anxiety.
Perhaps we need professional advice as to ways of dealing with what appears to be one of the most challenging parts of meno.
Honeyb
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could it be that anxiety comes on later in meno or is that not right? My hot flushes started 5 years ago and are milder and less frequent now but the anxiety has only come on this year.
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I have been anxious for Life - my first panic attack was at aged 3. Tensions between my parents hard wired my anxiety responses. Even now - when I realise how much Dad's problems were triggered by my Mum's behaviour - won't ease any anxiety surges which take over.
I have 40mg beta-blocka at night and morning - plus an emergency pill to take when anxiety floors me. Without medication I wouldn't live for very long. I NEVER want to feel as ill as I did on 13th June 1991 ……. I still don't know how I survived that day …….
Plus the AD. For 3 months earlier this year I managed to cut the BB in half ……… I did so because I was feeling headachy every morning - that worked too, my head cleared a lot.
I self medicate with support from my GP.
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I haven't read all of this thread but just wanted to say that knowledge is empowering! We should not be frightened of menopause itself although it may well be unpleasant and uncomfortable for some of us, for some of the time.
The more we are able to read and find out about it, then the more equipped we are to deal with the symptoms and where possible take action to alleviate or minimise them. The knowledge and understanding should help us take control positively rather than dwell on the negative.
Somewhere in the thread the link between mind and body was emphasised and this is so important at menopause.
Similarly with HRT - reading about it on web-sites such as this one, and the links to recent papers and news articles rather than listening to scare stories from the bad press and friends - should give us the confidence to improve our lives because the risks are small.
There are natural fears about ageing and cancer which I am sure we all have deep down - I know I do, although I try not to acknowledge them as they are destructive!
Really I want to say that it is so important to try to have a positive outlook at this point in our lives - but I appreciate that some have situations in their lives that make this more challenging. All the more reason to make sure your body is in as good a condition as it can be so that you can cope with what life throws at us and/or make important decisions that we might need to do.
I hope this doesn't sound too glib! It isn't meant to....
Hurdity x
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Anxiety is very wearying :-\ :'(
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Wish there was a magic button for anxiety but I'm someone who got up at 8 years of age in the middle of the night to finish my Divinity class picture in case the teacher got cross with me ::) Both parents v anxious people too.
Oldsheep - that was me too - the constant worrier, even got mentioned in school reports! Another product of anxious parents! So wearing isn't it.
S x
me three, seems to be a pattern here :-(
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WOW what a difficult thread to read, but, thanks DG for starting it because women have had chance to air their fears and discover common grounds.
Anxiety, I have always been a nervy person and a worrier, but 5 years ago, this different sort of anxiety crept in and has not gone away since.
Dementia, yeah, that scares the sh*t out of me. A warm corpse with a pulse.
Vulnerability, I didn't even get up yesterday, I stayed in bed. Well, a friend called round to borrow something and I tried to stay up, but within five minutes I was back in bed.
I'm six days into 50mcg evorel, the doctor would only prescribe 25mcgs, and I knew that wouldn't work, given my sauna like disabling flushes and all the other meno symptoms.
The patch has started to work, but I am still getting flushes, so I will probably give it a bit longer, but, I may move to 75mcg evorel.
I kept losing it when I wasnt on hrt. Everything was a worry, and I cried loads.
Dunno why some doctors begrudge hrt, its not a controlled drug like opiates or tranquilisers.
I would understand doctors begrudging addictive controlled drugs, for obvious reasons but why begrudge hrt?
My heart goes out to all you girls who are suffering, maybe you need a higher dose of hrt, I dunno?
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I do remember when I was young and my mother bought me a brand new guides blouse (most of my clothes were hand me downs at that point), lying in my bed worrying that I might not like the guides.......
Bramble
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Oh I had tights on ……. for ballet ……. which had a pouch at the front which made me think that I looked like a boy :-\ ………. I was SO embarrassed because the tights were too big :'(
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Yep - the gut is where anxiety lurks, despite knowing that this is 'flight or fight' response doesn't help at all ::) and I would feel sick before school every day and sometimes would play truant ………
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I didn't - eventually ;)
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yeah, i know that tummy feeling.
When i got anxious the word 'tum' would come in my mind anf i would get that horrible feeling in my tummy.
I wonder if people can get stomach complaints from too many of these tummy feelings, like the stomach tensing up too many times.
I know helicobactor (sp?) bug causes ulcers, but can anxiety do it also?
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I used to run away from school because I was scared I would be sick. A boy who shared a desk with me had thrown up all over our shared desk and then was sick on my school bag. I used to end up at a lovely old aunt that I had. She would take me home and I was taken back to school. If only someone had just thought to move my seat in class. I must have been about seven and I have had emitophobia ever since.
So yes my stomach anxiety goes back decades.
I did go through about a thirty year period that I was just fine, just some background anxiety occasionally. It's meno that's brought it all back.
Honeyb
x
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Oh Honeybun :'( - I expect you remember every moment of that, I certainly do ……….. that is the reason I would play truant …..
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I used to run away from school because I was scared I would be sick. A boy who shared a desk with me had thrown up all over our shared desk and then was sick on my school bag. I used to end up at a lovely old aunt that I had. She would take me home and I was taken back to school. If only someone had just thought to move my seat in class. I must have been about seven and I have had emitophobia ever since.
So yes my stomach anxiety goes back decades.
I did go through about a thirty year period that I was just fine, just some background anxiety occasionally. It's meno that's brought it all back.
Honeyb
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I've got vomit phobia.
Had it all my life, if someone throws up I run away sometimes.
I hate it when I throw up too.
When I feel nausea I get really nervous if my mouth starts watering, as that means I could throw up.
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Join The Club Dandelion :'(
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Join The Club Dandelion :'(
Aww sorry to hear that.
I dunno where my vomit phobia came from.
I remember as a kid, i would remember the dates i vomited for years after.
I remember vomiting in school and I was horrified, it stuck with me for years.
The worst part is when you know your gonna be sick, but it takes ages and ages to come up, and your there with a watery mouth and a churning stomach.
Sorry to go off the subject of fears around hrt and meno.
My fear is not getting enough hrt for what I need.
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We have a thread on emitophobia :'( if you do a 'search' .
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Hugs to all you anxious ladies out there x
What a waste of our energy it is.
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Hi folks
What frightens me is losing my love of life,my sense of humour being unable to care about or be interested in other people as i feel more and more squashed,mentaly and physicaly.
watching wrinkles appear over night..acting(even more) lol like jakyl and hide on a roller coaster and possibly losing precious relationships and alienating myself (even more)from the whole of society because of it ..the paradox of feeling like life "should" be only just beggining like i planned yet ,it feels as though my dreams of finally finding some kind of peace in my 40s are being snatched away along with my choices.(no more kids)even tho i dont want any more.(that should still be my choice lol)
Feeling younger at heart than ever! and so many things to do yet feeling too exhausted drained and uncomfortable to enjoy those things.
frightened of having nothing to give or offer anymore.that this peri meno crap is just the beggining of an end im definitely not ready for.
Frightened of my own anger resentment and guilt towards myself about all of the extremely depressing and self indulgunt sounding stuff above!it really cant be helping things much...
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oh and that HRT might make all of the above even worse..and then what..!
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I feel the same Tabbycat...this year I was feeling the best I had and felt like life for me was goin to be positive.....this peri has brought me literally to my knees and frightened
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tabbycat - I think you have summed up the fears that many of us feel through this time.
Fighting the feeling that the meno is the gateway to old age is really tough. We need energy to fight off the ageing process and the meno robs us of that energy.
Don't be frightened of HRT - it can and does help many women - it can take time and perseverance to find the right HRT for you but the benefits do outweigh the negatives for many, many women.
Though I did have some side effects when using HRT, they were still worth putting up with for the benefits of fewer flushes, better sleep and more energy.
DG x
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Tropicalvon DITTO..last year i was the happiest ide ever been and i worked so hard to be in that place then BAM...!i accept that life isnt fair..but c,mon..this is taking the piss!lol.
DG ..i love your replies..insightful helpful and slightly calming..!
Im sure i will probs give the HRT a go..and if anyone asks..its my "contraception" patch.. ;D
I think distraction helps too..i always feel a hell of a lot worse if im out of work i wonder if you all notice that too??
gotta keep going eh guys :-) x
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tabbycat - you will find some peace once your hormones have stopped raging! You will then stop raging too! Like Dancinggirl says - don't be afraid of HRT - this will help you - but you need to find the right type.
I have gone through the turmoil and come out the other side - but I am still on lowish dose HRT at 61 and happy with it. I may have a few more wrinkles than I did, and definitely get way more tired, but now that the children have mostly gone I am doing all sorts of things that I've never done (like going to Africa and Glastonbury Festival) and rediscovering things I used to do years ago like going to live music gigs and other festivals, natural history and bird-watching, and still working part-time.
It is not the beginning of the end - you will change but you should be able to find peace! Do not despair! :)
Hurdity x
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Hurdity is right, half of my 40s and over half my 50s were horrible I didn't recognise myself at all and I am surprised my husband is still here to be honest. But just this year as I come to the end of my 50s I seem to be coming back and I am really hoping that my 60s will give me back what I felt I lost. I know I won't be like I was in my 30s but to have stability and peace and to know myself and be happy with my husband and family and enjoy life, that's all I ask instead of the constant turmoil.
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Turmoil - that's a good word. I began getting depressed in 1988/9 which was intermittent for years :( ….. the medication helps.
I would hate any of my meds to be stopped - ever.
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Well hurdity ,thats very positive to hear..i guess "logically" i know there must be hope somewhere.?Im happy you are out having fun!you deserve it after enduring this awful stuff!
I really think the fear stems from the reality that we have no real control over aging,and that what has been got away with in the past no longer applies!its kind of like having a millstone round your neck ..realising that its really time to make big big changes "if" one wants to make this transition as smooth as it can possibly be.
thankyou for your kind words hurdity.
Baby Jane i can definitley see where you are coming from especialy the not recognising yourself part ,ive always been a really up and down kind of person but the lows im getting are just stranger than ever ,ive usually had various chemically induced reasons for feeling low..wheras this is not ..it is my own"natural" chemicals this time ....so it makes me feel very out of control .. sorry you had such a hideous time all those years..that must have been extremely hard.fantastic that you are feeling more like you again now..maybe a "new"you...:-)
ckld glad the meds help for you .:-)
Huge appreciation to all..!x
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kind words tabbycat, thank you. It's in the past now. I can't get those lost years back but I can try and get the best out of the years to come. I know every day won't be jolly but just a little glimmer of light reminds me that there is life after menopause.
All the very best to you too :foryou:
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The only thing with antidepressants i have found over the years is that they stop working and can be a bugger to get off involving withdrawal symptoms, anxiety being a big withdrawal symptom.