Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => Personal Experiences => Topic started by: Kathleen on August 21, 2014, 07:21:57 AM
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Hello Ladies, bit of a rant coming up if you don't mind.
I am so sick of this anxiety! I feel on edge so much of the time and whenever a special event comes up, or indeed anything out of the ordinary, I go to pieces. I hardly slept last night because of what has been arranged for this weekend and my IBS problems have started which is a sure sign that I'm stressed. My husband is sick of hearing about my issues and I don't blame him.
I've always been an anxious type of person but it's only since the menopause that I've felt so jittery so much of the time and even when I think I'm relaxed I'm clearly not as any sudden noise or movement makes me jump.
Any thoughts ladies, similar experiences or ideas for how to cope? I'm nearly 58, post meno and using patches but I still have these anxiety issues.
Thanks for letting me get that off my chest, I know you will understand and not judge me, I just wish I didn't feel so overwhelmed by it all!
Best wishes to you all and take care.
K.
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Hi there Kathleen, I'm exactly the same as you, I'm nearly 59, I'm on HRT but anything out of the usual routine throws me, we've a wedding to go to next weekend and I'm so anxious about it, we're having lots of heavy manual work to do in father-in-laws garden ready for the winter (he has Alzheimer's), shed fixing this weekend so his 50ft shed doesn't fall down, tons of wood arriving this afternoon. I can't for the life of me see how we are gonna fix it, it looks a massive job to me. we're shutting our shop for the week next week to be able to do his repairs, but then our work isn't getting done... my guts are all over the place too, it's only the fact that I've been checked out at hospital that keeps me going cuz I know it's all stress related. This week too our cctv cameras have started packing up at the shop so that needs fixing, years back I'd have sailed through it but just can't get a grip these days. Just wanna hide most of the time. I do feel for you cuz I know exactly how you feel, Chin up... It can't go on forever... ???
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:hug:
It's awful, and I totally understand how you feel. I think the enjoyable moments in life are passing me by at the moment as I wish them over so I can get home.
No easy answer though.
Have you tried the website No More Panic.....hints and tips there and also books by Dr Clair Weekes. She explains that fighting anxiety is pointless. Let it come and let it pass and it never harms you.
Very difficult I know but it does work a bit.
Honeyb
x
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Hello Kathleen, it really does help to talk about this and not bottle it up. thank you as I tend to think it is just me and that there is something wrong with me mentally. I know this is not true from reading posts on this forum. I do find Rescue Remedy is helpful but occasionally I just have to take a low dose of a beta blocker.
Witches Cat, last weekend was our daughter's wedding and my anxiety levels had been rising the nearer it got, for no reason as there was nothing stressful about it, its just that I was out of my comfort zone. As a result my IBS went into overdrive and my piles flared up as I was on my feet a lot. The wedding was lovely and nothing to be anxious about but I think adrenaline levels rise and there is nothing you can do about it. Mind over matter will not work.
Anyway enough about me, I just wanted to say that I really do understand how it feels and it is reassuring to hear others similar experiences and know we are not going mad.
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Hello Witches Cat, honeybun and babyjane.
I'm so grateful to you for taking the time to reply and although I wouldn't wish these awful feelings on anyone it is such a comfort to know that I'm not alone in this.
Witches Cat - It sounds as if you have a lot to contend with at the moment so I'm not surprised that you are feeling stressed. IBS just adds to the mix so you have my sympathy. Like you I tell myself that this can't continue forever and Dr Stoppard says that the emotional difficulties of the menopause decline when we get to sixty, so not long to wait for us eh!
honeybun - I know what you mean about enjoyable moments not being so enjoyable at the moment. One of the worst things about the anxiety is the way is becomes so distracting, sometimes even before you've done anything! I will check out the website, thank you.
babyjane - I also take a Beta Blocker at times and I agree that bottling it up makes us feel worse so I now see a counsellor every two weeks. I must say though that speaking with the ladies on this site is so reassuring, it's wonderful to chat with women who have experienced the same thing and to feel truly accepted and understood.
My best wishes to you ladies, onward and upward we go...
Take care.
K.
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Hi girls 👭
Not posted for long time ,but I have been following you all ! Still got my anxiety problems ,was born worrying , usually I Know what s Worrying me but ,last few weeks just feel anxious ,my poor husband must be so fed up with me ,
Just joined the no more panic site , thankyou Honeybun xx
Will give it a go
Love Lindyloo xxxxxxxx I
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Hi Kathleen, I know how you feel, like you I was a bit anxious anyway but now gone terrible nervy its awful it does effect everything you do, and on top of that every like twinge etc I worry about as Im on hrt and and don't know whats normal and what isn't, Ive read lots of info on panic and got a few relaxation cd's and find that deep breathing can help, so good to know we are not alone x
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It will pass but it does take some work! The things that are working for me are cbt, hypnosis, self-help books (I found Claire weeks very outdated BUT very good), progesterone every day!
If you just aren't coping, then go back to your gp. A drug that I was going to try next is lyrica (which is actually for nerve pain) which has had very very good results with anxiety and it works immediately unlike ad's. There is help out there and no need to live your life with anxiety which for me, was truly my worst symptom, although the others weren't much fun either!
I have tried several times to cut out the daily progesterone, but within a week I get all the anxiety back, so it may be worth considering this! It takes about 4 weeks to get over the initial symptoms of taking it daily but then it is very calming!!
Good luck ladies
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Yes Ive read somewhere that progesterone actually is the calming hormone and works in the same way as benzos in the brain. Interesting about lyrica, Suziq. Is this a drug or something herbal? Never heard of it!
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I hadn't heard of it either so I had a Google. Thinks it's primarily used to treat seizures. To be honest it's another (in my opinion) very strong med that could have horrendous side effects. As that kind of thing scares me it would not be for me.
Honeyb
x
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Hello and good morning lindyloo, karenja, Suzyq, Milamam and honeybun.
Thank you all for your comments, this is such a confusing time in our lives, it's so hard to know what to do for the best. I've woken up with my usual jitters that last most of the day. I felt calm when I went to bed last night and I thought if only I could find a way to spread that feeling throughout the day!
I already take an AD and on my last visit my GP mentioned trying another one called Sertraline but I'm not sure I want to try it, I'll only start worrying about the side effects!
The only thing that helps right now is talking on this site, so thank you ladies, at least we are not alone.
Wishing you all well in spite of it all.
K.
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Here is a good explanation of why you can wake up with a jittery feeling, it happens at all ages
e.g. from http://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/types/when-you-wake-up
Dreams Causing Anxiety
Anxiety may also lead to more nightmares or more stressful dreams. Often when you are woken up in the middle of these dreams, you feel exactly as you did in the dream – stressed and anxious. Not everyone remembers their dreams even after they wake up, so you may not always realize that your anxiety is associated with your dreams or nightmares.
I can certainly relate to that.
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Hi Kathleen,
A book that really helped me is called "The Happiness Trap", from it I have a notebook with the most helpful points and exercises I've written down and when I'm in an anxious phase, it comes everywhere with me!
The main thing that helped me is realising that trying to force anxiety out of me was impossible...the only way to settle it down is to accept it and then to use strategies to help it dissipate gradually. Anxiety, is like quicksand, if you struggle in it, you will sink much more quickly.
There are too many ways to do deal with anxiety to write down here...but for instance, one thing I do is to say to myself "thank you mind but I am not playing that game today or, what sort of person do I want to be? Someone who is independent and can go places on her own, enjoy life etc etc,, or I don't like the anxiety, I don't want the anxiety, but right now I accept it." All becomes clear in the book.
I also have to use valium (2.5mg) here and there when I feel like I'm going to descend further into panic, as it makes me feel so normal again! I never feel "out of it" on it...it just seems to switch off the part of my brain which goes into overdrive and I become a laughing, joking, conversationalist again!!
My anxiety was practically gone for quite a few months but it's reared its ugly head again in the last couple of months which has been a kick in the teeth. So I'm back to relaxation cd, exercise and reading my very helpful notes on dealing with anxiety.
SUZYQ - I've been considering asking my gp about prog every day....what are the initial symptoms you are talking about?
Thanks :)
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Hi 2cats,
I liked your post and the way you deal with anxiety, I am going to give it a go. Will definitely have a read of The Happiness Trap.
X
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For me I found it difficult to sleep and generally had a few more flashy symptoms - I believe it competes with the estrogen receptors initially?? Anyway I was on the point of giving up with it but after four weeks it just sort do clicked in and no more anxiety, felt the best I had in ages! After 3 months I started to get a bit pmt ish, bad tempered so quit it and back to horrific anxiety! I restarted but at a lower dose (100mg per day vaginally was just too much for me). It doesn't agree with everyone, but the estrogen alone wasn't helping my symptoms apart from eliminating the hot flushes. My specialist explained that you have to have the right ratio of progesterone to estrogen - it made sense to me!
When being used for anxiety, lyrica is prescribed in a very small dose! I find taking any drugs scary, but it is worth exploring options if life is very difficult to manage due to anxiety ...
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Hi Suzyq, being an anxiety sufferer also since starting peri, Im on patches now, just ending the estogen only and about to start the ones containing progesterone, I didn't get on well with the progesterone in patches as had bad chest pains so am v nervous (the gp didn't think they were related to hrt) but seems strange I was four days into taking the progesterone ones when it happened
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karenja
Many women are sensitive to progesterone or progesterone intolerant (which can have a depressive effect rather than calming as well as pms symptoms) in addition to being sensitive to the rise and fall in progesterone ie the fluctuations.
SuzyQ falls into the latter group and is not progesterone intolerant and presumably (I can't speak for you SuziQ!) does not suffer pms - and therefore is benefiting from continuous progesterone. Most post-menopausal women take progestogens continuously ( unfortunately usually the synthetic type) which may or may not give rise to continuous low grade progestogenic side effects (in the words of the British Menopause Society)
However I think she is in the minority, as I have read that continuous progesterone does interfere with the beneficial effects of oestrogen - personally I wouldn't want to risk detracting from this or minimising the effects since the oestrogen dose is quite low.
As you are still on a cycle, karenja it is only natural for you to experience the ups and downs of the menstrual cycle and the associated hormone changes. I sympathise because there is no easy answer!
Hurdity x
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Thank you hurdity well here goes with my first combined patch everything crossed it will be fine will keep you updated - must be on mind as I dreamt about it last night and that the patches were butterfly shaped :)
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I am glad I found this post, anxiety is something I can struggle with on and off. but I so relate to the "doing anything out of the ordinary" part, big events, anything planned really, and not even necessarily big events,
even going to the hairdressers, shops, parents evenings, etc..!! is enough to cause a panic.. Not sure if this is due to my lifestyle of working from home..and not being out in the world on a daily basis, but also partly due to my age, hormones I expect..
I read a lot of self help books.. right now I am reading Eckhart Tolle, "The Power of Now"
Brilliant read, some real helpful techniques to bring me into the "Now" and helps remind myself what is important
Worth a read..
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well its been a few hours since I started the conti patch, been ok, though ive had bad cramp in both feet, this does not seem a problem that comes up very often with hrt that ive seen, but I do get it quite bad and can only think its related, also a few times ive had a really tight feeling in my chest and had to take some rescue remedy as Im sure Ive asked before if its ok to take this, I spent a few hours with a friend and was fine then but now Im home feel a bit odd, tight chest again, cram and tingly, hoping it will all pass and im just getting use to the progesterone I don't like the stuff, but Ive got to have it for protection so will see how it goes, Ive asked this before but just to check if I really really cant stick it I assume I can just remove the patch at any time? x
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You can take the patch off at any time.
I think you are suffering from anxiety to be honest. If you can go out with a friend and feel fine and only suffer from strange symptoms when you are on your own then that must tell you something.
I do sympathise as I am much the same. If you keep occupied to take your mind off things then you will be fine.
Keep going, you are doing fine x
Honeyb
x
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I am off on holiday soon and anxiety and panic attacks have kicked in with full force!! Worrying about everything... Going with some family but dd not going so I am worried about her, hasten to add that she is married and got family but she might need me??? I even got anxious about going to the hairdressers and having my nails done! WHY????? Hey ho I will panic about the journey there, the holiday itself but when I come back I will have had a fab time....... It does help when I am in full panic mode to remember that there are lots of ladies like me on here. I sometimes take propanolol to ease it but not sure if it does help. Any one got any suggestions to help with this horrible feeling?
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Hello ladies.
Since beginning this thread I've been reading all the comments and so much of what has been posted relates to me. For example I only recently plucked up the courage to go to the hairdressers for a cut and blow dry, I hadn't been for four years and relied on my daughter trimming my hair, not good as she isn't a hairdresser but I just couldn't sit in a salon for an hour, crazy I know.
I think the worst thing about menopausal anxiety is the way it shreds your self confidence. The sooner this phase ends, the better, in my opinion.
Wishing you all well ladies and take care everyone.
K.
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hi again i really dont understand this anxiety every day i wake up hoping to feel happy and anxiety free but the days turn into wks nothing changes still taking 15 mg mitrarizprine perifem hrt 40mg citralapram i go back to doctors 5th sept and i know she will probaly say increase mitrazrprine which i really dont want to do i try so hard to be positive but it doesnt work i feel im missing out on everything sosciealy because i dont want to be with people its so opposite my personality because ive always loved to go out and meet people now i just feel like a hermit im 52 and feel like an old woman
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Hi Vanessa, I know exactly how your feel to wake up each morning waiting for panic to take hold, I find the evenings and the night bad too, are you managing to sleep ok? or are you getting anxious through the night too?, Im not on ad's they didn't agree with me though I didn't give them long!, Im on hrt patches evoril conti, the first lot of patches estrogen only helped, but now ive changed to the progesterone, I think because Im anxious about using them anyway after past experience, Im worst, Ive just tried a relaxation tape, but its hard to even unwind, I hope you feel better soon, it does interfere with everything you want to do x
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I had this, exactly like some of you are describing. I became a recluse and didn't want to do anything I had no confidence and I worried all the time about nothing, always saying 'what if'. My husband didn't know how to deal with it. But we got through it. I am now 57 and post meno and only in the last few months I have noticed the hot flushes getting less, my weight fropping and the anxiety getting less irrational. I know we are all different but I am beginning to hope that there is a natural end somewhere to all the meno madness.
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fropping!!! ??? should read dropping :)
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My mother suffered anxiety going through meno. It was called nerves then.She was almost housebound at one point.
She says it just goes, little by little over time.
She said it was not something that just stopped but one day you do something and realise you were just fine.
I kind of hold onto the thought that in time I will be better. Just wish I had a date ::)
Honeyb
x
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honeybun that's what I am finding recently. Of course my anxiety was high just before and during my daughter's wedding I was running on nervous energy but since we have been back I seem to have a calmer approach, less like a headless chicken. This meno has a lot to answer for turning us into people we don't recognise.
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Hi Kathleen. You were kind enough to reply to me, so I feel I should tell you that I think the anxiety was what "kick-started" ALL my symptoms! I had a few niggles, nothing to cause any real issues, then had a bleed 18 months after my last period, which I now know was atrophy after a hysteroscopy, that freaked me out before I knew, and at the same time I had a MASSIVE row with my then boss in front of a whole office full of people, went home ok, but the following day when I had to face her, I had a full blown panic attack, a belly full of digestive weirdness, had to run to the loo, couldn't breathe, and that was how it has stayed for 3 years! Wake up with anxiety, and the slightest thing gives me stress. Always have a lump in my throat. Probably is the cause of my pelvic tightness, IBS, and head fog. My lovely GP has just started me on AB to calm me down, and a nerve drug to release the pelvic pain!
I don't know if it was just coincidence, but GA is terrible, and controls my life. So I really do understand how you feel.
Hug from me this time. xxx
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Hi Sarahm,
I'm glad you think this approach might help you. The book really is worth a read. The first chapter or so, I remember thinking...is this really for me? but it is worth keeping reading it.
Obviously, the fact that i still have to take valium here and there means it's not a cure-all, but generally, it's given me a different perspective on anxiety.
Good luck x
Hi 2cats,
I liked your post and the way you deal with anxiety, I am going to give it a go. Will definitely have a read of The Happiness Trap.
X
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Hi this is my first post I just joined today the post about anxiety made interesting reading as I realised I am not going off my head! Just back from holiday and spent most of the time in the middle of a panic attack couldn't concentrate feeling hot and emotional during the holiday started to feel a bit better but today was the first day back at work and it all started again my doctor is not keen to prescribe me hrt would like to know how to deal with the sleepless nights and feeling exhausted during the day is this normal? :)
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Hi Gail welcome from another newbie. I have been here a few days now and everyone is very helpful and friendly.
I made my first post in the New Members bit. If you post in there then other members will see your post and reply :).
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Good morning Gail, welcome to the best help ever! Anxiety is what exaggerates all the other symptoms, well it does for me, and comes like bolt when you least expect it! Mine sits like a rock in my pelvis, or on my chest. I have found that slow abdominal breathing, (or a glass of wine!) does help, but is hard to keep going, and in my case, because I have tight pelvic floor muscles that react to any thought process, definitely hard to do, but it will probably help you a lot. There are lots of posting about relaxation exercises on this site, and I am sure you will get a lot of replies.
We all agree that anxiety is the worst symptom to deal with, especially when trying to run a home, family and job!
Please don't worry, you are definitely not alone here. I was away for a year, and got such a lovely welcome when I was able to join the forum again!
Wanderer.
xxxxx
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Anxiety is the worse thing.
One symptom of it that really perplexes me is that I find standing or sitting still really hard. Shopping queues, waiting rooms, traffic jams. Does anyone else have this. I start to feel woozy.
I'm ok sitting in a chair with my feet up but take me out the house and I'm a disaster.
Honeyb
x
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traffic jams - oh my life they are my worse thing. So much so that we don't go visiting family as much as we could and as soon as the traffic starts to slow and I see the red brake lights coming on ahead of us I lose the plot. Its an awful feeling of being trapped and as soon as one strikes I am guaranteed to need a wee!!
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Hi everyone
Thanks for all your lovely replies, it just helps to know that I'm not alone. I can also let my adorable husband of two years know that he hasn't married a mad woman lol xx
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Anxiety is the worse thing.
One symptom of it that really perplexes me is that I find standing or sitting still really hard. Shopping queues, waiting rooms, traffic jams. Does anyone else have this. I start to feel woozy.
I'm ok sitting in a chair with my feet up but take me out the house and I'm a disaster.
Honeyb
x
I'm the same Honeyb. It's like once out of your comfort zone (the house) you have to release the adrenaline which is going into overdrive by just moving around. You see it quite often in other people though if you watch. The ones who are constantly tapping their fingers or jiggling one of their legs up and down. It's all part of anxiety although not always recognised. If you stopped the person from jiggling their leg or tapping their fingers they would also feel uneasy.
Taz x
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I have noticed that Taz too, its usually men who do it, sometimes when I am het up I pace in the house but the best thing is walking.
When I was going through my panic attack phase I felt like HB describes, though mine was more claustrophobic then agoraphobic, I didn't like enclosed places, thank goodness it has all passed now and I turn off in queues and waiting areas, my kindle helps. Supermarkets don't bother me at all now.
I did read that a lack of calcium and magnesium causes jittery nerves.